Damned If I Do Ya, Damned If I Don't
Author's Note
This story is kinda crazy, so be prepared.
An All Time Low
“So I told her, 'Rainbow Dash, you can’t just put a giant thunderhead over city hall! It’s not scheduled to be there!' Of course, she did it anyway.”
“Uh huh,” Cloudchaser replied, resting her head on one hoof as she used the other to lazily push the straw around the circumference of her drink. “She sure is a crazy one.”
“You can say that again,” Thunderlane grinned, slipping a hoof across the dimly-lit table in the corner of the restaurant to rest on hers. “That’s why I’m so glad I’m with you.”
Cloudchaser looked up at his expectant golden eyes irises and managed a weak smile. “I’m...really glad too,” she told him, bringing her other hoof to rest on top of his as well.
The waitress soon dropped off their check and Thunderlane paid for them both like he always did; the perfect example of gentlestallionly conduct. Holding the door leading to the street outside of the ambiently-lit bistro open for Cloudchaser, he smiled widely at her.
“Do you maybe want to come over to my place for a little while?” Thunderlane asked, leaning into her affectionately.
Cloudchaser sighed. “I don’t know, I’m feeling pretty tired.”
“We don’t have to do anything, I mean,” Thunderlane tacked on quickly. “Besides, Rumble is home. This is just the first time we’ve gotten to spend time together in a couple of weeks, and I don’t want it to end so soon.”
Cloudchaser looked at the ground and half-smiled, half-grimaced; it was an expression that had become commonplace recently. “I know...maybe another time.”
“Okay,” Thunderlane said, slipping a wing around her to protect her from the cold bite of the night air. “Can I at least walk you home?”
“Sure,” she replied, secretly glad to have gotten off the hook so easily. “Just make sure you don’t let Flitter see you, she’s pretty mad at you for crash-landing in her herb garden last month.”
“I told her that it was Dash’s fault!” Thunderlane huffed.
Cloudchaser just shrugged. “You work it out with her. I don’t want to get involved.”
After a few minutes of silence the two arrived on the front step of Cloudchaser’s home.
“Thanks for coming out tonight, Cloudchaser,” Thunderlane said softly. “I know you’ve been really busy, and it means a lot.”
“Of course, Thunderlane...you’re my special somepony, after all…” Cloudchaser said, already closing her eyes in anticipation of the goodnight kiss.
Like so many times before, Cloudchaser found herself wrapped in a wet, passionless kiss that lasted for a number of seconds longer than it should have. When she opened her eyes again, Thunderlane had already taken off and was flying across Ponyville’s dim night sky.
When she was certain he was far enough away for her movements to go unnoticed, she sighed and trotted away from her house, intending to take a long walk to clear her head before Flitter interrogated her about her date.
Cloudchaser stalked into her home and let out a ghastly sigh. If her entire love life could be summed up in one movement of her vocal chords, that would’ve been it.
“So, how’d the date go?” she heard a voice pierce through the air.
Clouchaser looked over at her sister, Flitter, who was sitting on the couch with a beauty magazine in hoof. “Eh, I’d rather not talk about it.”
“That bad, huh?” Flitter said with a shake of her head. “I’m telling ya, you gotta let him down. He’s a douche, anyway. Trashed my garden like it was nothing. Didn’t even apologize. Hmph.”
Cloudchaser let out a chuckle. “He did apologize but you were too busy screaming profanities of the most extreme nature at him to hear. By the time you were done, he flew away in a panic.”
“Oh,” Flitter said, putting a hoof to her mouth. “Well, he was a cunt muffin. I’m not sorry.”
Cloudchaser rolled her eyes. “Make some room, sis.” She hopped over the back of the couch and landed next to her sister.
“Um, rude much?” Flitter said setting her magazine down.
“Just a bit, yeah.”
“Whatever.” Flitter sat up. “Look, I’m sorry your love life sucks and all, but you can’t keep this up. You go on a date, get a nasty kiss, come home and complain about it. I mean, every moment you spend with him, another little piece of you dies.”
Cloudchaser could only nod in response. “You’re right, Flitter. But it’s not that simple. It never is.”
“Why can’t it be simple?” Flitter responded, nudging her sister. “I mean, you have to start thinking of yourself. Not that it’s my business, but I’m making it my business, but when was the last time you even got laid? Like, I’m pretty sure that hole in the floor beneath the sink has seen more action than you have in the past few months.”
The elder sister blushed and whacked her sister upside her head. “That is none of your business, but point taken. But, honestly, there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. I can’t just dump him after all the times I’ve led him on. That’d be so messed up.”
“Who cares?” Flitter responded. “You’re better than him and you deserve someone better. Besides, I can hardly deal with this mood you’ve been in recently. If you don’t get laid soon or something, I might have to kill you.”
Cloudchaser let out a breathy sigh and sank into the couch cushions. “Well, oh intelligent one, what would you suggest?”
Flitter rubbed her chin for a brief moment before sticking her hoof into the air. “I’ve got it! You know, you’re not terrible looking. I mean, I was obviously born with the good genes, but you still make a decent practice mare. You gotta go to the bar downtown and the first acceptable male that hits on you without using hoofies, you sleep with. It’ll at least give you some kind of affection in the meantime.”
Cloudchaser was about to protest but then re evaluated her options. On the one hoof, she was not the kind of mare to put her body up for sale like the kind of cereal that comes in a bag. But, on the other, she did need some affection of the masculine variety. And who knows, maybe she’d meet somepony worth meeting. And of course, the final straw, she couldn’t stand one more thought of Thunderlane’s tongue swirling around her mouth.
“Okay, I’ll go to a bar. But, if this blows up in my face, I’m going to give you so much hell. Do you understand me?”
“Crystal clear,” Flitter said with a smug grin. “Now, stop stalling and go get ‘em, hot mama. You got this!”
With renewed determination, Cloudchaser rose to her hooves and stormed out her front door. She was ready for any stallion that might come her way.
There were only a few establishments in Ponyville still open and serving on a Thursday night at that hour. One was The Gambit, which was housed in an old wooden shack and catered mostly to the rough-n-tuff crews and undesirables in town. The Phoenix’s Perch was a little swankier, located on the second floor of a music venue. The crowd varied heavily from one night to another, depending on who (if anyone) was playing that evening.
Neither was a particularly good option. Cloudchaser noted that aside from the possibility of a rowdy show downstairs, The Phoenix’s Perch could end up costing her a load of bits if she couldn’t find somepony to buy her drinks. As for The Gambit, well, if the patrons didn’t infect her with horrible diseases, the cocktails would.
That left only the Ponyville Pub, which contrary to what its name may suggest had only been around for less than a decade. It was a slightly dingy old bar, but it had character, and those who were regulars were devout in their loyalty to it. It wasn’t the most glamorous place, but there were plenty of stallions: perfect for Cloudchaser’s needs.
Still, she felt a pang of guilt as she pushed open the door to the bar. She was here to do something bad, and her heart knew deep down that it could do nothing but cause pain for her and the stallion that she had claimed to care about for so long.
Only one cure for that. “Can I get a shot of vodka?” she asked a burly, grizzled stallion who was tending bar as she sat down on a patchy, black stool.
He acknowledged her with a silent nod and poured her drink, placing it haphazardly on the counter in front of her. Without using her hooves, Cloudchaser picked the drink up in her mouth and craned her neck back, shooting it quickly down her throat. Dropping it on the bar, she rubbed her hooves together. “Alright, bad decisions, bad decisions…”
She scanned the room quickly. She noticed quickly that most of the ponies in the bar were older stallions drinking alone, which did not fit her description of a fun night. Still, here and there, a few potential mates were imbibing.
One was a purple unicorn stallion with an unkempt orange mane, who sat swirling his scotch and staring at the liquor rack in what appeared to be deep thought. He wasn’t magazine-cover gorgeous, but his large frame, sturdy posture and the unkempt fuzz on his cheeks did betray a certain rugged masculinity. Plus, if the three glasses of empty top-shelf liquor were evidence enough, he had money to burn.
Resolving to go on the attack, Cloudchaser tried to scatter her mane in a sexy way and moved a few stools down to sit next to the mysterious stallion. “Hey there,” she opened, leaning back and crossing her hooves seductively as she cast him a lecherous smile.
He glanced over from his drink briefly. “Hey, how’s it going?” he responded politely, before gazing back at his drink.
“Good, but I’m a little lonely,” she sighed, playing with her mane. “How are you?”
“To be honest, pretty shit. But hey, whaddya gonna do?”
“Mmmm, plenty of things,” she said, leaning towards him.
The unicorn just took his entire drink in one gulp and motioned to the barkeep. “One more; grain alcohol this time.”
Cloudchaser repositioned herself in her stool and went in for the kill. “Well, maybe we could spend some time together tonight,” she cooed, placing a hoof on his.
The stranger slowly turned his head towards her and narrowed his eyes. “What do you want, money? You want bits?”
Cloudchaser scrunched up her muzzle in surprise. “What? No, I want y-”
“Lies!” the stallion replied, ripping his hoof out from under hers and holding it closely to his chest. “What possible other reason would a pretty mare randomly talk to me? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT!?”
“Nothing!” Cloudchaser responded quickly. “Honest!”
“Nothing but fiendish trickery! Begone!” the stallion ordered with a frown, scooting his stool a few inches to the right and nabbing the new drink that had been brought to him.
Cloudchaser moved back to her old stool and sat down with a sigh. She jumped a little bit when she felt a hoof on her shoulder, but looked over to find a fluffy pink unicorn with a black stripes in his mane sitting next to her with a withering smile plastered on his muzzle.
“Sorry to see that. Can I buy you a drink?”
Cloudchaser quickly nodded, some color returning to her cheeks as she looked him up and down. He was certainly confident and charming, and already seemed much more unique than Thunderlane.
“Excellent. Don’t mind him, by the way. He’s an accomplished doctor, but also has incredibly damaged goods.” He looked away from her and raised an eyebrow in self-assurance. “Meanwhile, my goods are undamaged and very...good.”
Cloudchaser rolled her eyes. Okay, maybe he wasn’t as good as the first impression made him out to be. Still, he fit the bill for a night of fun.
The barkeep meandered over to them. “What’ll it be?”
The new stallion looked over to Cloudchaser with a confident smile, wiggling his eyebrows to egg her on.
“I guess I’ll have a fuzzy navel,” Cloudchaser told the barkeep.
“A mare after my own heart. Make that two fuzzy navels,” the stallion tacked on.
As the bartender lumbered away to make their drinks, Cloudchaser’s right ear flicked as she picked up a snort of derision coming from down the bar.
“Who was that!?” Cloudchaser’s new companion cried, jumping up from his stool. “It better not have been you!”
“I didn’t say anything,” the purple stallion from earlier commented.
“I know you didn’t SAY anything, you ass!” accused the pink pony. “I still heard you!”
“You heard me because you’re gay.”
“WHAT!?” the pink pony howled. “You’re saying that because I’m pink, aren’t you?”
The purple stallion downed his grain alcohol and turned his body to face the challenger. “No, I’m saying it because you’re gay. Being pink just means you fit the part.”
The pink stallion charged over and smacked the purple one in the face with a hoof. After a surprised blink, the purple stallion picked up a stool in his magic and smashed it over his adversary’s head, sending him careening into an empty table where the fight continued.
“Oh my goodness!” Cloudchaser said, hopping up from her seat and covering her mouth with a hoof. She craned her neck back to look at the bartender. “Aren’t you going to stop them?”
“Nah,” he replied, sniffling once in apathy. “They do this all the time. Just let them figure it out, they’ll tire eventually.” He turned to a supply closet on the far end of the bar. “Hey Spike!” he called. “Can you get out here and make drinks for a few minutes? I’ve got to fix this stool.”
“Sure thing, broski!” a voice from the back called out.
Cloucdchaser’s eyes were met with the figure of a dragon coming from the back, drying off his hands.
“Hey, I know you,” Cloudchaser said aloud. “You’re that dragon dude from the castle.”
“Yep,” he replied with a bright smile. “Spike’s my name and helping Twilight’s my game. Well, it was at least, until I got a job here.”
Cloudchaser cocked an eyebrow toward him. “No offense, but aren’t you a bit young to work here?”
Spike shook his head. “Nah fam, I’m of age. I just haven’t hit that dragon growth spurt yet. Cursed with youth, or so Celestia tells me.” Spike took a moment to acknowledge the two brawling stallions that had now resorted to bawling their eyes out in a drunken stupor on the ground. “I take it they both tried hitting on you?”
Cloudchaser nodded and let out a chuckle. “Are they always like this?”
“Yep,” Spike replied. “They hit on all the mares until they get drunk enough to realize how terrible their lives are. Of course, they always forget by the next morning and go back to being Mr. Douche and Mr. Insecure. But that’s a long story.”
Cloudchaser smiled at the dragon. He was the first sensible character she’d talked to all night and he wasn’t even trying to sleep with her.
“I’m Cloudchaser.” She reached a hoof across the table and was greeted with a firm but gentle hoof shake.
“I’d introduce myself again, but you already know me.” Spike grinned and leaned up against the table. “I think I’ve seen you around but never really bothered chatting before. What brings you in here? Long day at work?”
Cloudchaser turned her attention back to the drink before here. “You could say that. Needed to get a change of pace for a night.”
“I know the feel,” Spike said with a nod. “We could all use a change of pace every once in awhile. Celestia knows I needed one after living under the Twilight regime for so many years. Love the mare, but dang, she can be a bit clingy.”
Cloudchaser eyed him up and down for a moment. He wasn’t what she had in mind for a fun night, but something in her mind was egging her on. Of course, the same voice was also telling her to run away and just pretend the world didn’t exist. But who had time to listen to that voice when life was happening? Besides, neither she nor any mare she’d known had ever been with a dragon before. The thought of it was rather… exciting, exotic even. Yep, her choice was made.
Alright, Cloudchaser. The time is now.
“So, just out of curiosity,” she spoke up, leaning in towards him ever so slightly. “You’ve got anypony special waiting for you back home? Or anydragon even? Maybe?”
Spike shook his head and averted his eyes for the slightest of seconds. “Nah, not in particular. I’m a free spirit. I like to see where life takes me, and so far, it hasn’t taken me to a marefriend.”
Cloudchaser grinned as she felt her heart jump. She had to play it cool. “Oh, well that’s too bad. It must get lonely. Though, I’m sure there are plenty of mares after somepony like you. So handsome and hardworking, obviously.”
A rosy tint of heat appeared on his cheeks causing him to clear his throat. “Oh, well, you never know. But, I do have pretty high standards, I can tell you that much.”
“Standards?”
“Yeah, the usual,” he continued. “She’s gotta have a pretty face for one thing. And she can’t be a lazy bum for the other. I need a mare who knows what she wants and what it takes to get it. You feel me?”
Cloudchaser checked off the boxes in her mind. She had a job, but she could probably exaggerate a bit on the hard working side if needed. She was very confident, so that was a plus. And, honestly, she knew she wasn’t half bad looking. She still had most of her makeup and mane done from her date earlier, so she could at least mask any inherent ugliness.
“Well,” she spoke up, “if you’re interested, I know a mare who fits all those categories. I’m pretty sure she’d enjoy a nice night of, oh what’s the word, intimacy with somepony like yourself.”
At this point, Spike could only stare at her. He took a minute to collect his thoughts before his face turned into one of cool calmness and confidence. “Hmm, well I’d like to meet her someday. Now, uh, if you’re interested, I know a dragon who’s looking for the same thing. Word on the street is he’s the coolest guy in town, but don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Cloudchaser fluttered her eyes the best she could and leaned in. “I think she can meet you right now, honestly. What about your friend?”
“Oh, I think he can do the same. “ Spike pulled back. “I’ll just have to run to his house and get him real quick.”
Cloudchaser blinked a few times and fell back onto her stool. “Oh, um, that won’t be—”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Spike said. “So, I get off in an hour. But, actually...Are we sure that this is the best idea?”
“Wow,” Spike panted, rubbing the excess sweat from his face on Cloudchaser’s chest fluff.
“That was, like…” Cloudchaser gasped, blinking quickly. She wrapped her wing around the dragon, a smile of massive proportions adorning her face. “Like you said. Wow. That was ama...fantas...just… Wow!”
Spike looked at her with the same face. “This was a fantastic idea!”
Rarity happily clip-clopped her way up the stairs to Ponyville Castle, flipping her mane once before rapping her hoof against the door to an old baroque tune.
Twilight Sparkle opened the door a few moments later, squinting and blinking a few times as the sun burned itself into her eyes. “Ah! Ouch. Sorry Rarity.” She blinked some more and eventually was able to open the door fully. “Come on in. What brings you here?”
“Darling, before we get into any of that I have to say that you look atrocious! How long have you been sequestered inside, hmm?”
“Well, I’ve been performing some original research, and I may have lost track of time. It’s Wednesday, right?”
“Darling, it’s Monday already. You really need to get out more. I’ll take you to the spa this weekend.” Rarity trotted past her friend and into the crystal castle’s foyer. “Not that I think you’ll have a coherent answer to this question, but where is Spike? Have you seen him?”
“Not for a week,” Twilight responded, rubbing her eyes.
“Eleven days,” Rarity corrected. “Really, Twilight, you must take better care of yourself.”
Just then, a loud clicking noise was heard from the back of the castle.
“Oh, there we go,” Twilight smiled. “Spike must have just gotten back from...wherever he was. I might go take a nap now, but you two have fun,” she tacked on, stumbling towards the primary stairwell in the castle.
Rarity rolled her eyes and trotted towards the back of the castle. “Spikey-Poo!” she called. “Is that you, dear?”
She heard some shuffling, and soon Spike turned the corner, floating toward her in heavenly bliss as he always did. What a dear, dear suitor he was. It was about time that she awarded him. “There you are, darling!”
Spike floated towards her with a goofy smile, hearts floating up from around the sides of his head as he drew closer, and closer, and closer…
...and further and further and further away from her as he goofily trudged up the back stairwell. “Spike! Is everything okay?”
“Wh-what!?”he asked, snapping out of his stupor quickly. “Oh, hey Rarity.”
“You had me worried, dear,” Rarity smiled up at him. “I have a soiree I have to attend this evening in Canterlot and I need a plus one. Would you be so kind to accompany me?” A playful smirk covered Rarity’s muzzle. After all, there is no way that her ‘secret’ admirer could possibly ever-
“Nah,” Spike responded, waving a claw. “I’m tired. Like, really, really tired. Thanks for the invite, though.” He turned away from Rarity and continued to trudge up the stairs.
“But darling!” Rarity cried, holding out a hoof.
Spike turned around, seemingly surprised. “Uh, yeah?”
Rarity noticed her most unladylike behavior and drew her hoof back towards herself, resuming her dignified disposition. “Well, I was hoping that we could make an evening out of it.”
“An evening?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.
“As in, a date,” Rarity clarified, with a bit of a huff directed at the boneheaded nature of stallions and drakes alike.
“Oh. Well, like, can I get a nap or something first?” Spike responded with a good deal less enthusiasm than Rarity had anticipated. “Again, I’m like...drained.”
Rarity snorted. “Fine, but be at my place no later than four. We have a train to catch. We’ll leave as soon as I finish fitting Cloudchaser and Thunderlane for their gala clothes.”
Spike’s body seemed to freeze. “Wait...who?”
“Cloudchaser and her boyfriend Thunderlane. You know them, right? He works on the weather team with Rainbow Dash, and she’s Flitter’s sister.”
Spike’s gaze became unfocused, and he appeared to stare directly through Rarity. “I...I’ve got to go.” Sprinting down the stairs, he tore past Rarity with hardly a nod of recognition.
“Spike!” She called after him. “What about your nap?” When there was no response, she let out a feminine grunt. “Fine, be that way! At least make sure you show up to the Boutique on time!”
Spike knocked about fifty thousand times on the door to Flitter and Cloudchaser’s home, not stopping for even the faintest moment.
“Oh my gosh, what is it?” a seriously pissed Flitter demanded as she opened the door. Her expression softened somewhat upon seeing the dragon. “Oh, Spike. What brings you here?”
“I need to talk to Cloudchaser, like...now!” Spike demanded, huffing some smoke from his nostrils.
Filtter blinked a few times before a sly smile spread across her lips. “Gimme one sec. Cloudchaser! The triple-knotted wonder is here!”
Spike would normally spend an unnecessary amount of time blushing or thinking about the previous night’s activities, but there was no time for that level of shenaniganry and exposition. He had a mare to reprimand, and reprimand he would do.
After the sound of crashing furniture and other various noises, Cloudchaser eventually arrived at the door, spending the last second fixing up her mane before giving him a bright smile.
“Oh, hey there, Spike!” she said, catching her breath. ‘Everything alright? What can I do you for? Er, what can I do for you?”
“May I please come in?” He questioned, tapping his foot with great angst. “It’s quite important.”
Cloudchaser’s smile dipped into a frown as she opened the door a bit further. “Uh, sure, c’mon in.”
Spike walked inside where he immediately noticed Flitter peeking out from behind the near hallway wall.
“Can we have some privacy please?” he asked.
Flitter pouted but nodded. “Fine, fine, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you two. Hmph, maybe even two eyes. No juicy drama escapes my notice.”
Cloudchaser rolled her eyes. “Flitter, go to your room and do...whatever. I’ll fill you in later.”
The dejected sister stomped off to her room and after the sound of a loud slam signaled the shutting of her door, Spike turned to Cloudchaser.
“So, you have a coltfriend?”
Cloudchaser bit her lip before laughing it off. “Oh, psh, no… Nah, I don’t have a coltfriend. Where did you get that mashooqana idea?”
“Cut the crap.” Spike folded his arms and gave her a look that would send even the most feared villain running for cover. “Rarity told me. Said she’s fitting you two for the Gala.”
Cloudchaser’s face told the whole story. Beads of sweat and the deflated look that could only come from putting your hoof caught in the cookie jar were all over her face. All her chips were on the table and just drew a hoof of diddly-squat.
“Okay, fine!” she shouted out before crumpling into a feathery mess on the floor. “I have a coltfriend. Thunderlane. But, it’s not what you think!”
“I’m listening,” Spike said.
Cloudchaser peeked out from behind her wing. “Things haven’t been working out between us.” Regaining some of her composure, she rose to her hooves. “Things have been terrible actually.”
“What do you mean? Like, between the two of you? Or what?” Spike cocked an eyebrow.
Cloudchaser shook her head and cast her gaze down to the floor. “Yeah, between the two of us. We used to have that spark in our relationship. That feeling of lust and excitement, but now it’s all gone! You know what our relationship is now?”
“What?”
“Garbage water!” Cloudchaser cried out. “You know that gooey, beige liquid that you find at the bottom of trash bins? That’s what it is. The refuse of waste. The cold, nasty fries at the bottom of your food bag. It’s terrible. I had to get away for a bit. I needed somepony else to fill that stale, deep hole in my life! And Spike, you filled that hole!”
“Ha!”
“Shut up! Anyway, like I was saying, I needed a change, and you were there! I’m sorry I wasn’t honest, but everything happened so fast!”
Spike looked at the crumbling mare before him and and frowned. “I understand that, but that’s not the real problem here. I’ll admit, last night was fan-freaking-tastic! But the fact of the matter is… you cheated on somepony else to be with me. Is that correct?”
A few stray tears leaked down from Cloudchaser’s eyes. “Yeah.”
“And wouldn’t you agree that cheating is not a good thing?”
She sniffled a few more times. “Mmhmm.”
“Precisely.” Spike gave her a disapproving glance laced with sorrow. “I’m sorry, but cheating is wrong. I want to get behind you, I really do, but I can’t do it if our relationship is like this. As far as I’m concerned, the fact that you cheated to be with me means you’d do it again, and I’m just not willing to deal with somepony like that. No matter how awesome the sex was.”
Cloudchaser peaked out from behind her mane. “What does this mean? What are you saying?”
“Well, as it would happen,” Spike went on, “I was asked out on a date by a very special somepony this morning, and I agreed. That being said, I think she’s the one deserving of my attention at this place in time, not you.”
Cloudchaser let out a gasp and pouted. “S-So, are you saying we can’t see each other anymore? Ever?”
“Yes, Cloudchaser, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“Wow! Spike, that was even better than last night!” Cloudchaser planted a small kiss on Spike’s cheek before snuggling into his warmth.
“Great,” he responded. “Now I’m terrible, too!” Spike shot up from the bed. “Oh no...Oh no! Cloudchaser, what time is it?”
Cloudchaser blearily looked over to the clock on her nightstand. “It’s...“ She followed suit. “Three-forty five! Thunderlane is going to be here any minute to go to our fitting!”
As if the universe had finally had enough of their shenanigans, three loud knocks were heard from the front foyer.
Without skipping a beat, Cloudchaser shoved Spike off of the bed and used a back hoof to roll him haphazardly under the frame. “Coming!”
Cloudchaser raced out of bed and opened the door to her bedroom, letting in a snippet of Flitter’s icy greeting to Thunderlane before she shut it behind her.
Quivering and hyperventilating under the bed, Spike could hear the deep reverberations of Thunderlane’s voice travel to him from the front door of the house.
“Hey there, Cloudchaser. You look gorgeous, as always. Ready to go?”
“H-hey Thundy. I am, but I need just a minute. Wait outside for me?”
“Sure thing, darling. Anything for my honey bun.”
Spike’s stomach turned at hearing the mushy words emanating from the stallion's mouth.
Geez, I wouldv'e cheated on him, too.
However, his ear frill twitched nervously as he heard the front door shut. A few moments later, the door to the room opened again and Cloudchaser hastened herself inside. Dropping to the floor, she crawled so that the front half of her body was under the bed facing Spike and pulled him into a haphazard kiss.
“How about a Quickie?” she asked cheerily.
“Are you out of your mind!?” Spike spat in a whisper. “Your special somepony is outside your house and we’re already late for our appointments. Have you no shame?”
Cloudchaser cleared her throat. “Apparently not. But fine. I do wanna point out, though, I’m a little disappointed in your endurance.”
Spike’s eyes grew wide with fiery anger. “This doesn’t have anything to do with that! Did you listen to what I just said!?”
“...You look super hot when you’re angry, Spikey,” Cloudchaser responded, leaning in further to nibble his ear frill.
He gently but firmly batted her face away with a claw. “Get out! Shoo! Go be responsible!”
“Hmph,” Cloudchaser pouted. She leaned in and shoved her tongue inside of Spike’s mouth for a few moments before wiggling her way back out from under the bed and trotted away
“Whew,” Spike groaned as he laid his head down on the bedroom’s thick carpeting. “That was the most difficult exercise of self-control I’ve ever done…”
Spike couldn't help but take notice of her back end moving side to side as she walked away. He licked his lips. "I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.
Rarity stuck her tongue out as she extended the measuring tape the full length of Thunderlane’s front leg. “My, my, aren’t we rather tall for a pegasus?” she mused upon taking note of the measured tick at the bottom of his hoof. “Alrighty, you’re all measured up, dear. Cloudchaser, you’re up next!”
The bell at the front of the boutique rang merrily as Spike stumbled through the door, half-wearing and half-carrying his suit. “Sorry I’m late, Rarity,” he huffed, sauntering over to her and making every effort to not even cast a glance in Cloudchaser’s direction, lest the thoughts of the morning's activities resurface in his mind.
“Spikey-Wikey, darling, it’s unlike you to keep me waiting,” she scolded, wearing a not entirely real frown on her lips. Still, as he approached, she held out a hoof and wrapped him into a hug. “Spike! Why do you spell so much like sweat and... shame?”
Across the room, Cloudchaser quickly looked out of the boutique’s window with bulging eyes and a heavily scrunched-up muzzle.
“I..uh, well…” fumbled Spike.
“Go upstairs and take a quick shower, dear,” she ordered, pointing to the stairs with a hoof. “Although it’s not entirely unattractive, it is certainly unfitting for an event of this caliber. It requires our best, not our somewhat decentest.”
Spike could have sworn he saw Rarity wink at him as she explained. Feeling a heavy tug in his chest, Spike marched upstairs to Rarity’s guest restroom.
Spike had weathered the evening out with Rarity rather well, all things considered. However, the Grand Galloping Gala was upon him less than a week later.
Spike fumbled with his cufflinks as the train climbed the steep gradient up towards Canterlot. In the periphery of his vision, he could see that snowflakes were falling already; a startlingly early first snow in late September. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to look out the window at the sight, instead he chose to bring his eyes down or directly forward as the train chugged along.
He couldn’t look behind himself, not even for a second. After all, Cloudchaser was there, only a few rows behind.
“Spikey-wikey, darling, is something the matter?” Rarity asked from the seat beside him, placing a hoof on his claw. “You look terribly distraught and have barely said a word so far this whole trip!”
“O-oh, well, you know, I was just deep in thought,” Spike fake-chuckled as he turned his head the minimal amount necessary to address Rarity properly. “You know what they say, a quiet stallion, or dragon, is a thinking stallion... or dragon.”
“Well, what are you thinking about, darling?” Rarity asked, tilting her head slightly. The motion set her diamond earrings swinging gently, although her expensive mane-do seemed to hold its shape well.
Spike quickly racked his mind for any plausible excuse. “Just, like, uh... you know, the usual stuffs. The Coltland Raiders schedule, if i forgot to turn the weedwhacker off, and why we took such an early train! That too!”
Rarity let out a disappointed sigh and pursed her lips. “Well, I suppose I’ve been found out. I’ve gotten us reservations at the finest restaurant in Canterlot before the gala. Surprise, dear! I wanted to this night to be everything our first Gala should be and then some.”
Spike allowed himself to smile softly. Whatever happened tonight, at least he’d get a nice dinner.
This was a horrible dinner.
Spike seemed to have transcended to another astral plane of existence as he blankly listened to Rarity ramble on at their table and sip at her wine. He had no idea what she was even talking about at this point, as it was all he could do to stare emotionlessly through Rarity; if he looked away, his eyes would be drawn directly to Cloudchaser, seated with Thunderlane only a few tables away.
Why? Why on earth had they ended up at the same restaurant at the same time? Now all Spike could think about was Cloudchaser, and her body, and her eyes, and...and…
He glanced over to look directly into Cloudchaser’s fuchsia eyes. He had felt her stare shoot through his head, of course, but it was an entirely different thing to meet it.
The silent communication continued for a moment more.
Still staring at Cloudchaser, Spike opened his mouth. “Pardon the interruption, Rarity, but I need to use the restroom. I promise it'll be quick.”
“Oh?” Rarity replied, blinking. “Very well. Don’t take too long, I’m just getting to the best part of the story!”
Spike stood up with an awkward smile and strafed across the restaurant, unable to tear his eyes away from Cloudchaser. He saw her open her mouth and say something too before standing up herself.
His field of view was blocked by a new wall as he turned down the hallway towards the restrooms. Thinking quickly, he ducked into a side broom closet, leaving the door slightly open.
Then, he waited.
Rarity huffed silently as she glanced at a clock on the restaurant’s far wall. “What is taking that dragon so long? Doesn’t he know it’s improper to keep a lady waiting, even if one is plagued by gastrointestinal issues?” Flipping open the pocket mirror held in her purse, Rarity examined herself briefly. “Well, my makeup could use some touching up. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to take a quck visit to the mare's room.”
Gently extricating herself from her seat, Rarity began a regal walk towards the restrooms, where she ran into Thunderlane. “My my, darling, you look splendid. Who tailored your suit?”
Thunderlane appeared mildly surprised and turned to face Rarity before smiling and rolling his eyes. “Haha. You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“Why, thank you." Rarity gave him a soft smile. "Isn't this such a magical time to have a date night. Cloudchaser looks lovely as always, and my Spikey, well, his charm speaks for itself. Tell me, what else do you have planned for this evening?”
Thunderline smiled shyly and looked at the floor as he accompanied Rarity towards the restrooms. “Well, to be honest, I was thinking about maybe popping the question to Cloudchaser tonight. We've been dating for awhile now, but I can't help but feel she's waiting for me to prove how serious I am. I want to show her!”
Rarity squealed but covered her mouth with a hoof. “Really? Oh, darling, that's absolutely wonderful! You have to let me tailor your wedding garments. Free of charge, of course.”
“I have the bracelet with me,” he said, using a wing to take it out of his suit pocket and showing it off. “But, I’m not going to do it unless everything is absolutely per—”
Thunderlane’s ear flicked once as he heard a strange noise coming from a nearby closet. It sounded like a soft moan of a pony in pain “Do you hear that?”
Rarity listened closely for a moment, her eyebrows furrowing. “I do. What is that?”
“Sounds like it’s coming from in there. Maybe somepony is hurt?”
Rarity gripped the door handle with her magic and pulled it open.
“...Spike?”
“Cloudchaser!?”
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Spike pleaded.
“Yeah, it’s way hotter,” Cloudchaser tacked on.
The two red-hooved individuals put on their most innocent smiles. "Uh, surpise?"
Rarity’s shriek could be heard all the way to Canterlot Castle.
