Finders Keepers

Knick Knack sighs. “Well, I never thought I’d be saying this, but I’m actually hanging by a ginormous, gingerbread house,” he says as he dangles by the torn, deflated remains of the balloon. “At least that mare is nowhere in sight.”

“What mare?!” A pink mare asks, suddenly appearing before his eyes.

“Ah!” Knick Knack jolts and waves his legs crazily. The mare falls back down to the ground, but is sprung right back up by her fluffy tail.

“What mare are you talking about? I’m a mare! Is it me? I bet it’s me! But I don’t know you! Who are you?!”

“Woah! Just hold on a second!”

“M’kay!” The mare freezes in midair, causing Knick Knack’s eyes to widen in disbelief.

“Wha—? How are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Never mind. . . You can stop holding.”

“Holding on to what?”

“That's not—!” Knick Knack smacks his face with his hoof. “Can you just please help me down?”

“Sure! Mr. Snips should do the trick!”

“Mr. Snips?” Knick Knack looks around for mare, and finds she is now sitting on the rooftop of the gingerbread building where Knick Knack is hanging from, armed with a pair of shears.

“Wait!” He cries, but the mare snips the rope that kept the balloon tied and attached to the rucksack. Knick Knack falls straight to the ground face-first with a loud thud.

“That’s a strange place to take a nap,” The mare asks, now suddenly back on the ground. Knick Knack grumbles, muffled since his face is pressed against the ground.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t quite catch that,” the mare asks leaning in with her hoof held up to her ear to aid her in understanding him. Knick Knack grumbles even louder, but still inaudibly. “Hmm. . . Ah! I know how to fix this!” She pulls out a rather large spatula seemingly out of nowhere gripped in her tail, and slides it underneath Knick Knack’s body. “Just like breakfast!” The mare scoops him up and flips him into the air like a flapjack. He lands on his hooves, wobbling from lack of balance and dizzy eyes. “My name’s Pinkie Pie!” She grabs one of his hooves and violently gives it welcoming shake. “Nice to meet you, Knick Knack!”

“Yeah, it’s. . . Wait. How do you know my name?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Your name’s all over the place!” Knick Knack looks around in confusion, unsure of what she could be talking about.

“. . . I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s everywhere! Eleven times to be exact!” Knick Knack raises an eyebrow, still trying to piece together what’s going through her head. “See! There it is again! That makes twelve!”

“You know, after what I’ve been through today, you’ve gotta be the most unusual thing that’s happened so far.”

“Speaking of unusual, you must be new in Ponyville! Welcome!”

“Thanks.”

“Did you come in by that giant, red balloon?! Are you a clown?”

“Don’t clowns have make up and crazy clothes?”

“Are you a clown in training?” Knick Knack, choosing not to answer her ridiculous question, looks to her in annoyance. “Wait! I get it now. You’re a traveling clown! That’s what the backpack’s for! But there’s just one thing missing. . .” Pinkie reaches into her mane, and pulls out a big, red, clown nose and sticks it directly onto Knick Knack’s snout. “There! Now, you’re ready for some serious clownin’!” Knick Knack can feel himself about to boil over with frustration from their conversation. Just as he’s about to burst out with anger, he stops himself before he reaches his breaking point by taking in a deep breath. He reaches into his backpack, and pulls out a clown horn which he sticks in his mouth. Using his teeth, he squeezes the rubber end to honk the horn, and Pinkie giggles with delight. “Oh, this is perfect! You’ve come at a great time!”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m in the middle of a party for all the kids in Ponyville! They’re summer break just started, so I decided: why not celebrate?!”

“Well, that’s nice of you.”

“And I was wondering if you’d be our clown for the day!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he chuckles. “Uh, clowns got busy schedules, you know?”

Pinkie immediately gets to her knees, looking up at him with a sorrowful expression. “Please!” she begs. “The kids would be so happy to see you! You’d bring this party to a whole new level with your clowniness!”

“Uh. . .” Knick Knack glances behind him, wanting to escape her proposal, and is stunned to see Twilight down the road in a mad search for him. He turns back to Pinkie with a nervous smile. “What can I say? It’s a clown’s duty to serve the kids, am I right?”

“Yippee!” Pinkie jumps back up to her hooves. “Thank you so much!” She then grabs him by the collar of his vest. “Come with me around the back, and we’ll get you suited up for action!”

“Suited up?”

“Every clown needs that special ‘clown look’! Duh!” Pinkie yanks and drags him around to the back of the building, safe from being discovered by Twilight.

Inside, Pinkie returns to a dining room filled with all sorts of party decorations like balloons and celebratory banners; but also impatient and restless fillies and colts who all turn excitedly from her presence. “Alright everypony!” Pinkie greets. “You won’t believe what I found hanging around outside!”

“Yeah, what made that noise?” one of the fillies asks.

“Was it a bird?” another asks.

“Only a ba-gillion times better!” Pinkie pulls out a giant, gift box that couldn’t have possibly fit behind her back, and slams it on the ground. She madly cranks the metal handle sticking out from the side of the box, and a musical tune begins to play. Once the song finishes, the lid flies open with an explosion of confetti. Knick Knack pops out and leans over the edge of the box desperately trying to catch his breath.

“You. . ! You didn’t say you were gonna stuff me in a box!” Knick Knack shouts exasperated. “I couldn’t breathe in there!”

“That’s funny, that explosion should’ve been much bigger.”

“What do you mean? How much big—” A second, grander explosion sends Knick Knack flying upward into the air, then painfully down on his rump.

“Look! A clown!” one of the fillies points and shouts. Knick Knack looks down at himself, and sees he’s been given a completely new look. He’s dressed in a striped shirt of bright colors with his vest worn over it. Along with the clown nose, Pinkie appears to have coated his face in white makeup, and hidden his mane with a puffy, orange wig. In a panic, he rushes over to Pinkie and shakes her by her shoulders.

“What did you do to me?!” he asks.

“A clown can’t perform unless he’s in uniform! That’s like . . . clown one-oh-one.” Knick Knack struggles and fumbles with his words as he tries to form a coherent response. “Anyway! That’s right everypony! This clown just flew in to town by a balloon, and he’s going to do a show for us!” The children all cheer with glee, and Knick Knack glances to them as his heart begins to race.

“Pinkie,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Sure you can! Just get out there and clown it up!”

“No, I’m serious. I—” He turns to look at Pinkie, but finds she’s vanished. He looks to the crowd, and is immediately overwhelmed. Knick Knack chuckles nervously as the children watch him with anticipation. “Well,” He clears his throat. “Hey there, kids! My name’s Knick Knack The Clown . . . apparently; and I’m here to liven this party up a bit!” The children cheer once again, along with Pinkie. “Okay, clown things. . . What are some clown things I can do?” He whispers to himself. Standing without a clue how to proceed, a paper airplane flies into his wig. He pulls it out and opens it up to see a note written in pink that reads: ‘Do some tricks!’. He looks out the crowd, and sees Pinkie waving to him from a table. “I’m not a dog!” He shouts.

The children laugh. “Are you sure?” one of them asks.

“Yes, I am!”

“So, you are a dog!” The children’s laughter grows louder.

“What? No! That’s not what I meant! Do I look like I’m joking?!”

“Well, you do look like a clown!”

“Oh . . . right.” The kids laugh. “Well, dogs eat from a bowl and chase Frisbees! You don’t see me doin’ anything like that now, do ya?!” Another paper airplane flies into Knick Knack’s wig, and he furiously removes it and reads the note. ‘Go with it!’ the note says, striking Knick Knack with an idea. “I mean. . .” Knick Knack reaches into his backpack and pulls out a Frisbee. “If I threw this, there’s no way I’d go chasing it like a dog. Watch.” He tosses it to one of the fillies, and instantly chases after it like a wild animal. Imitating a dog, he waits for the giggling filly to throw the Frisbee.

“Sit!” she commands, and he obeys. “Good boy! Now, fetch!” The Frisbee flies from filly to filly as they take great joy in watching Knick Knack scamper around the room barking like a dog.

“Alright! It’s feeding time!” Pinkie exclaims with a huge feeding dish in her hooves. She sets it down to the floor, and everyone can see it’s filled with all sorts of sweet treats. Excitedly, Knick Knack gallops over and sticks his face in the bowl. “Hey! Save some for me!” Pinkie starts to dig her muzzle into the mound of treats as well, and the children all lose control of their laughter. In the middle of their feeding, somepony opens up the door and rushes inside.

“Pinkie!” Twilight calls in a panic. “I need your help! Have you seen—?” She then spots Pinkie and Knick Knack eating from a bowl, and is overwhelmed with bewilderment.

“Hiya, Twilight!” Pinkie greets with her cheeks full and coated in candy.

“Hey . . . have you seen a stallion with a—?” She spots the backpack on the clown. “It’s you!” she accuses as she angrily glares at Knick Knack.

“W-What do you mean?” Knick Knack asks, getting to his hooves. “I’m just a kooky party clown! Can’t you tell by my wacky get-up?” With an unamused look on her face, Twilight uses her magic to grab and carry a can of soda from a nearby table over to her. She gives it a good shake, and pulls the tab, allowing a harsh stream of fizzy fluid to douse Knick Knack’s face. The soda removes the make-up from his face, and the soaked wig slips and falls from his head to reveal his mane. Twilight uses her magic to pull the red nose off Knick Knack’s snout, and he smiles embarrassingly. “. . . Surprise?”

“You know, that look was pretty fitting for you.”

“Oh, you’re too kind,” Knick Knack says, flattered.

“Because only a clown would think that disguise would fool me.”

Knick Knack chuckles nervously. “Then I suppose I’m doing my job well!”

“Listen, I’m going to ask you nicely only once.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Hand over the rucksack.”

“You see, that’s where the problem is. I . . . can’t.”

“And why is that?”

“Look, I don’t care who you are or how important this bag is to you; it’s mine now. This thing is gonna change my life forever! Luck is finally starting to turn my way for once! I don’t expect you to understand, but there is something that I do know you’ll understand.”

“And what’s that?”

“Well, it’s like the old saying goes. . .” Knick Knack leans towards Twilight as he points his hoof accusingly at her. “Finders. Keepers.”

“Is that your final answer?”

Knick Knack darts his eyes left to right confusedly. “Y-Yes!”

“Then, I’m sorry, but you leave me no choice.”

“Huh?” Knick Knack’s backpack is then enveloped in a pinkish aura of magical light, and his body levitates up off the floor high into the air. “No! Please! Not in front of the children!” Twilight whirls him around, trying to yank the bag right off of him, but it proves unsuccessful. She then hurls Knick Knack across the room as he crashes into a table sending the children nearby scattering. Knick Knack groans as he finds himself covered in party punch. He moves his soaked mane away from his eyes, and stands to face off against Twilight. “You wanna play?! Alright, let’s play!” The flap to the backpack flies open, and a colorful, polka-dotted, plastic cannon emerges from it. “I hope you were good in gym class! ‘Cause it’s time for some dodgeball!” One after another, huge, colored balls fire out from the cannon straight towards Twilight. She gasps and barely manages to dodge the first few shots, but it unable to keep up as one smacks her in the chest. Dazed with the wind knocked out of her, she is continuously pelted by more dodgeballs. She falls to the ground as Knick Knack celebrates with a dance. “Oh, yeah! You’re out!” Furious, she gets to her hooves and uses her magic to gather all the balls that were shot her way. “. . . You’re kidding.” Knick Knack observes the mass of dodgeballs as Twilight grins dubiously. The dodgeballs are sent hurdling towards Knick Knack in a barrage. No matter how hard he tries to dodge, he is pelted by nearly all of them. He falls to the ground after a smack in the head, immediately regretting his choice of weaponry. “Yeah, I should’ve seen that coming. Gym class was never my strong suit.”

“Give up yet?” Twilight smiles confidently.

“Far from it, honey!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry, that just slipped out. Hey, one quick question. Are you . . . single?” Twilight then lifts up another dodgeball with a glare. “Well, it didn’t hurt to ask.”

“Not yet.” Twilight hurls the ball towards him, and a wooden arm pops out from the backpack. Attached to it is a wooden, artist’s palette that is used like a shield to deflect the dodgeball as Knick Knack cowers in fear. Realizing he’s unharmed, he looks to the palette as he is struck with an idea.

“Now, this is more my speed. Art class was always my favorite! So many ways to express myself! And you. . .” The wooden arm retracts back into the backpack, and Knick Knack stands on his hind legs as the arm brings out a toy-like weapon that he holds in his hooves. With a huge tube of paint loaded into the top and his hoof resting on a crank sticking out from the side of the weapon, he looks to Twilight with a smug look on his face. “You will be my canvas. Now, let’s make you beautiful! Or . . . more so in your case.” He blushes. Twilight’s eyes widen with fear as Knick Knack cranks the handle wildly, sending bursts of paint flying towards her. Commotion fills the room as the children scamper about screaming, Twilight is unable to counteract the storm of paint, and Knick Knack has unexpectedly lost all control over his weapon. The entire room becomes coated in globs of paint, along with everypony inside. The commotion settles as the room grows quiet aside from the sloshing of paint. Twilight and Knick Knack both open their eyes as they find themselves right next to each other, and completely covered in paint. Knick Knack’s backpack suddenly explodes with a puff of sparkly glitter that sprinkles over the both of them. Twilight scowls at him as he grins nervously. “Heh. What’s an art project without a little glitter, huh?” Twilight growls at his remark. “Wait! Wait! I know what’ll help.” Knick Knack reaches into his backpack, and pulls out a pink, paper heart that he sticks directly onto Twilight’s forehead. “There! Perfect.” Infuriated, Twilight jumps up and tackles Knick Knack as they tumble along the floor in a quarrel.

“Give . . . me . . . back . . . the bag!” Twilight demands as she tussles with Knick Knack.

“No . . . way!” Knick Knack breaks free, and the both of them are at yet another standoff. “Come on, think of something!” he mutters to himself. The backpack opens up, and a large net shoots out to capture Twilight; but she dashes out of the way. Sweating and struggling to keep a cool head and organize his thoughts, he continues to struggle for new ideas to fight her off. His backpack shoots out just about anything that comes to his mind that he can possibly use as projectiles. Things like fruits, vegetables, water balloons, pillows and more are all shot at Twilight as a final attempt to stand his ground. Everything either misses, is caught, or deflected by Twilight’s magic. “Come on! What else can I use?!”

“Woo!” Pinkie cheers as she pokes her head out from the backpack. Knick Knack looks back to her, and is shocked to see her somehow nestled in the bag.

“What—? How the—?” Knick Knack watches as she is fired off into the air.

“Wee!” She hurdles through the air, headed straight for Twilight as she is engulfed by her shadow.

“Pinkie!” Twilight screams. Pinkie crashes into Twilight as they both tumble across the floor.

Pinkie stands and poses. “A perfect landing!” Twilight groans in agony as she rubs her head. “Nice job, Twilight! You were the perfect landing pad!” Twilight ignores Pinkie’s remark as she scans the room for Knick Knack, but he is nowhere to be seen.

“Pinkie! Where did he go?!”

“Beats me! Probably had another party to go to! He must be a very busy clown.” Twilight gets herself together and bolts out of the building. Pinkie turns to the children who are all grouped together and covered in paint. “Well? Was that party awesome? Or was it awesome?!” The children look to her in silence, then burst into an explosion of cheer and laughter.