The town of Ponyville was completely abuzz with talk of books and friendship, both of which were high on the list of Twilight's most favorite topics. And fittingly, the catalyst for the commotion was the recent release of Twilight's (and company's) Friendship Journal™. Apparently she had the idea to publish copies of the ragged old journal, filled with friendship lessons she and her friends sent off to Celestia many moons ago, in an effort to spread the power of friendship -- this time in literary form. Her ideas knew no bounds.
Spike however sat dejected, huddled away in a far-off wing of Twilight's castle as he ruminated over what he felt was a cruel injustice against himself. He'd spent all those times writing the friendship lessons Twilight dictated to him. He'd been there since the beginning, and he certainly had lessons and valuable insights to share with regard to friendship. Yet, he wasn't a part of the friendship journal. Of course, it's not like he made it a habit to write down all of his lessons like the rest either, so there really was nopony to blame.
Yet, he was in the middle of a mild case of jealousy when Twilight burst the front door open into the foyer from outside, immediately locking it with her magic as a herd of ponies metaphorically threatened to knock it down.
Twilight gasped heavily. "Spike...Spike? Are you here?"
Reluctantly, he rose up from his comfy position of being slumped over a pillow and stood on his claws to meet his mega-famous alicorn princess friend, now co-author of one of the best-selling books in Equestria who had thousands of adoring fans.
"What's wrong?" He asked, trying half-heartedly to be genuinely concerned.
Twilight panted a few more times to catch her breath. "You would not believe how crazy it is out there. Everypony and their mother has a copy of our friendship journal, and they all want me to sign theirs."
"Their mothers too?"
"No, it's just an expression--actually...I did come across several mother-foal pairs...but that's beside the point. This is out of control and I don't know what to do! I have thousands of ponies who all want to talk to me, sign their books and take pictures! It's exhausting!"
"I'll bet." It was true, he knew of course. He had all the sympathy in the world for Twilight and her friends, but today all of that sympathy was accompanied by jealousy as well.
Apparently Twilight noticed his innocent lack of genuineness, because she didn't say much else other than that she felt the need to take a shower.
Just like that, the conversation was over. So Spike returned to his cave of moodiness with a comic in claw, ready to read his sorrows away with a good ol' superhero story filled with action and onomatopoeia. Shortly after he sat down, however, a familiar feeling began as a gurgling in his gastro-intestines, continued as a sloshing in his stomach, and ended as a fiery belch out his mouth.
He had received a letter.
"...Been awhile since that's happened," he said aloud to no one as he rubbed his mildly agitated tummy before picking up the piece of parchment to read. A small smile grew on his face upon reading the first line.
Dear Spike (The Brave and Glorious),
As you may have been aware, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends have recently published copies of The Friendship Journal across Equestria.
You may be entitled to financial settlement.
We believe that Twilight Sparkle and company have illegally published a literary work that they themselves do not own full legal claim, and that you have partial rights to. Should you seek assistance in executing legal action, please be advised of our services.
Cordially,
The Equestrian Law Firm (ELF)
"Huh..."
Spike stared at the letter and read it again to make sure he was sure of what was written upon it. In fact, he was so intent on reading it again that he failed to connect the dots between the contents of the message and who must have sent it to him, due to the method of delivery.
He pondered for a moment, and only for a singular moment, about writing back. But he quickly dismissed the very idea. There was no chance in Equestria he was going to seek legal action against Twilight. Or anypony for that matter. He didn't even know Equestria had a law firm. Adding to that, he realized, doing so would not just be suing his closest friend, but suing the Princess of Friendship. The whole thing would be a huge legal debacle. At first he was confused and surprised at the sudden legal invitation. Now, he snorted and guffawed at the mere idea of doing such a thing. How could he? Why would he? He wouldn't. It was as simple as that.
So he tossed the letter into the trash and happily resumed his comic book reading. But out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a familiar insignia next to an even more familiar signature on the back of the piece of parchment with the contact details. After squinting a little bit to read it from afar, he suddenly scrambled to his claws and skidded across the crystal floors to retrieve it.
He read the signature and couldn't help but exclaim in surprise. "WHAT?"
The voice of Twilight Sparkle echoed from down the hall, muffled by the sounds of the shower she was taking to cleanse herself of her over-adoring fans.
"Nothing!" Spike replied, not even sure what she said. He looked back down at the signature and re-read it three times to make sure he was reading it correctly. But his eyes did not deceive him. At the bottom of the page was a signature he had read hundreds of times before.
The letter was from Princess Celestia, the president of the Equestrian Law Firm.
Spike took an impromptu trip to Canterlot, and without telling Twilight. It's not like she would have noticed his departure anyways, as all of them were still extremely preoccupied with their newfound fame. Spike held the letter in his claws, deciding that seeking an actual meeting with Celestia was more appropriate than a series of letters sent via inter-dimensional teleportation. The line for meeting with the princess was unusually short today, he noticed, but it didn't matter much to him anyways. Despite his lack of apparent fame, there were still certain perks he was allowed to indulge in from time to time, one of which was cutting in line.
Celestia greeted him from several paces away atop her royal throne. He hurriedly walked across the awkwardly long corridor before replying back.
"Are you here to talk about my letter?" said Celestia with a small smile on her face.
"Well um...yes, but...not to, y'know...sue anypony."
"Oh," Celestia replied flatly, then laughed. "That was all just for fun. The real reason I wanted you here was to talk about the friendship journal, however."
Spike stood awkwardly, clutching the letter in his claw wondering what in Equestria was going on.
Celestia continued. "You have certainly noticed by now how much of a hit The Friendship Journal has been across Equestria. Even here in Canterlot, the castle town is abuzz with talk of Twilight and her friends' letters to me all those moons ago."
"So...all of that stuff about taking legal action was just...a joke?"
"Well, yes, but technically you do have legal rights. To a decent fraction of the book, actually."
"Decent fraction? I only had a few additions...but they were good ones!" He added in defensively.
"That is true," Celestia replied, "but technically you are one of the main authors, since you actually wrote parts of the book."
"Huh?" Celestia's words churned in his mind for several moments before he finally placed what she was meaning to convey. "Oh...because I...wrote...the book. Literally. With my claws."
"Precisely."
All of those memories of writing Twilight's lengthy dictations on friendship lessons suddenly came back to him in a mixture of nostalgia and repressed feelings of dread.
"Okay. So...why am I here then?"
"Well," said Celestia, "to be completely honest, I felt a little cheated myself. The letters were addressed to me after all. And my replies back weren't included either."
Celestia shied away for a moment to compose herself. "It would have been nice to see those included."
Spike suddenly found himself in the position of comforting the brave and powerful leader of his nation, but the most he could manage was a few sympathetic pats on her upper front leg due to his disproportionate size.
"So you know how I feel?" Celestia continued, her voice slightly weak and eyes a little watery.
"Uh, yeah. I guess I do."
She sighed and wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Spike. I needed somepony to vent to about all this. Princess Luna can be a bit...uncaring at times. It's hard to find anypony to talk to anymore."
"Tell me about it," Spike replied, slowly growing more comfortable with the conversation. "Twilight was already totally swamped with adoring fans, but now its completely different."
"I know the feeling. Although ever since I gave her those wings, it's been a load off my flank. Seems like I'm not even really needed anymore."
"...is that good?"
"Sometimes."
"Oh."
Somehow, the conversation was still going, albeit somewhat haltingly. Spike wondered how many ponies were outside the doors waiting to seek guidance or air complaints to the princess, but then he remembered that everypony was out swarming his pony friends for autographs.
"You can leave if you'd like," Celestia broke the silence. "It just gets a little boring sitting here on the throne."
"Can't you leave?"
"I have a legal obligation to be in this spot from four to seven o'clock."
"Oh."
He thought about asking if she could just change the law, but decided against it upon realization that it was a stupid question. Instead, he offered up an interesting idea. "What if we go through with this whole legal thing?"
Celestia's eyes suddenly widened. "Oh, surely not! That would be an awfully dreadful thing to do."
"No no no," Spike put his claws up, "just as a joke."
A smile grew on the alicorn's face. "How about we send her a cease and desist?"
"Perfect." Spike said mischievously. "But only a little scare. We can write just kidding on the back or something."
Celestia perked up in delight and magically levitated a piece of parchment and quill conveniently located from behind her throne to begin writing...
Twilight was huddled in her castle, looking out the window towards the mailbox several paces away from her front door. She needed to go out and retrieve her mail. She cautiously creaked open the door with her magic and looked both to her left and right several times before venturing outwards onto the ground. Carefully trotting towards the mailbox, she grabbed the contents inside and zipped back into her castle.
"Phew," she sighed. "I thought for sure somepony was going to--"
"Hello Princess Twilight Sparkle! My name is Hoofstep McGee and I--"
"SorryI'mTooBusyGottaGoBye!"
She shoved the pony through the door and locked it instantly, panting heavily before finishing the sentence she was saying aloud to herself. "...surprise me..."
After a little more panting, she sifted through the letters, throwing out the occasional piece of junk mail until she came across a very important and scary looking envelope.
"Hmm, what's this?"
She opened it up and began reading the contents inside, skimming through for phrases of interest, as it was quite long.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
Your recently published literary work has been flagged as unfit for publication due to several legal issues...
Skimming further.
If you do not seek legal action in a courtroom sanctioned by the Equestrian Law Firm, your literary work will be promptly removed from the shelves.
And further.
This letter serves as a legal notice for the cease and desist for any further publication, additions, or marketing for this piece of literature.
Twilight finished reading the letter and just about breathed the biggest sigh of relief she had ever breathed.
"Oh, thank Celestia. I thought this nightmare would never end!"
Feeling relieved of the burden publishing the friendship journal placed on her, she tossed the letter into the trash with full intention to do exactly nothing to stop further publication so that she would never have to deal with such fame and misfortune again. In her haste, however, she also failed to realize the information written on the back of the letter.
Just kidding!
Love,
Princess Celestia and Spike (The Brave and Glorious)
But ignorance was bliss. For a while at least.
