letter to an inept fool

by Autin Brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Yaks, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 1281

Prince Rutherford receives a letter informing him of his shortcomings

Prince Rutherford receives a letter informing him of his shortcomings.
This takes place in an alternate ending to party pooped were Prince Rutherford declares war
This is intended to be read in the form of a one sided letter.
i have been informed my story is very similar to letter-to-the-griffon-emperor i did not know that story existed prior to writing this but please check it out if you can its pretty good

Published 2017-08-16 00:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-16 00:00:11 UTC

letter to an inept fool

This letter is to be presented to Prince Rutherford of Yakyakistan.

Greetings to you your royal highness, Prince Rutherford.

I am, General Mortiferous Bloodfire.

I am the acting commander of the equestrian last action affairs committee, in charge of maintaining international diplomacy, in emergency situations.

I have been selected to write this, do in part to my preexisting knowledge of your country.

This letter is in response to your recent, and in my opinion utterly foolish, declaration of war, directed towards the peaceful nation of Equestria .

As such, it is my task to try and deter you from your current course of action.

I will do so in the form of a list, addressing the strengths and weaknesses of both involved nations.

Now that pleasantries are out of the way, I shall begin by bringing up what is easily your most favorable attribute.

The physical might of the yak's, has been a well known fact for generations, and it is your incessant boast in any situations where you don't instantly get your way.

Having met over a dozen yaks in my lifetime, I am well aware that the average yak is roughly five times the size, and over twenty times stronger, then the average pony, needless to mention the enormous deadly horns that adorn there heads.

However using indirect comparison, I will now explain why I feel ponykind is the winner in this situation.

First and foremost sheer population numbers alone completely trounce your endeavor, as a rough estimation has determined that, Equestrian pony's outnumber Yakyakistan yak's well over three thousand to one.

If such a revelation hasn't deterred you as of yet, please continue reading as there is still more to go over.

Do to my many encounters with your species, I strongly believe you still feel as though you possess some form of advantage, due to your overwhelming strength.

I however feel inclined to remind you, that around one third of the population of Equestria is capable of self propelled flight.

Additionally a different one third, are capable of feats of psychic power including but not limited to, telekinesis, teleportation, shooting lasers, and mind control.

Furthermore it should be brought to your attention, that the smartest yak in recorded history had an I.Q, that was comparable to the national average for pony's .

This is why I feel Equestria, is superior in terms of population, feel free to disagree, if your so inclined.

Moving forward , I wish to address matters related to land territory's allies and national resources.

Yakyakistan is a very small country, which truthfully, is only referred to as such because back when that decision was made, nopony was willing to challenge them on the matter.

In reality, Yakyakistan is little more then a somewhat large tribal village, almost half the size of Equestria's largest city, and is comprised mostly of frozen mud and logs.

In terms of territory's and allies, we are very aware that you have,''None.

As it turns out almost two hundred years of government level xenophobia, as well as a strongly enforced self isolation to avoid having to interact with an invisible enemy that exist within all that don't think as you do, doesn't really do much to improve your standing in international affairs.

A quick evaluation of your national resources show that you have little to nothing worthwhile.

This is due largely to your nations terrible location being high up in the frozen mountains,
Which I will admit does provide a rather solid defense, but more on matters of resources.

While I don't know for certain, it would appear as though your culture doesn't believe in masonry.

I am basing this purely on information brought to me by are reconnaissance team that was sent out after you declared war, whom said, they couldn't find any stone.

As to metalwork, I have observed that the yak's possess some degree of skill in that but mostly use it for
jewelry, all in all not very note worthy.

As a side note i find it personally amusing that your government has banned the use and development of electricity, having declared it witchcraft.

Moving on to what Equestria has to offer.

In an effort to save time I will evaluate both are land and resources concurrently .

Equestria is a very large country that occupys the majority of the continent of Equanus, which is the second largest in the world.

Dotted across It surface is every kind of environment imaginable, ranging from fire swamps, to deserts,
to grassy fields, and bustling forest.

And living in these environments are pony's who harvest the world around them to produce near endless resources to build what are country needs.

As for allies and territory's.

Equestria very proudly holds twenty seven territories world wide.
To which I find amazing as we haven't been in any form of politically motivated armed conflict sense, the peace keepers act was signed four hundred and seventy eight years ago.

And as far as allies go.

We hold very good standings with the many tribes found in the Zebralands, All of which, no matter what they believe have shown a greater level of civility then any yak i have ever witnessed.

We are also in the process of properly integrating the crystal empire as a real part of Equestria so It won't just be a territory, in fact the only reason it isn't already, is due to national pride on the civilian front.

And while they don't like to admit it, the denizens of Griffonstone are in an uneasy alliance with us.

However, if I had to pick one I would say, my favorite, of our many many territories would be, the gigantic, flying super fortress known as Cloudsdale, that features self repairing walls, and a constantly on the ready brigade of magically enhanced combat Pegasus.

All of which becomes moot, once you realize that the place was designed to house an incredibly powerful weather control machine, capable of starting up lightning storms, hurricanes and just about anything else.

To end on a note that, in all honesty makes everything that I said here meaningless.

Do you not realize who your really threatening with your pathetic declaration of war, that would be, Princess Celestia Solaris Blueblood, the supreme, immortal, monarchistic Deity, of the sun and stars, Who has ruled over are land nonstop for over two thousand years, and who's divine will directly controls the passage of time, as well as the cycle of day and night.

In other words, "ARE RULER IS A FUCKING SUN GOD", which of course means, if she were so inclined she could ether leave your lands in eternal darkness, or split the very sky apart unleashing a cyclone of pure energy to incinerate that pathetic fort you call a country.

Now, assuming you ether read this, or had it read to you because your so stupid, I would like to make this very clear so I can make It through your thick yak skull.

If you still have any intention of going to war, I would very much appreciate it if you were to start digging a mass grave,
that way the clean up will be much easier when the fires finally stop.

P.S

Don't be mistaken, we pony's of Equestria are very peaceful, and we don't wish for that to change.
Hopefully this letter brings to light the severity of your actions, Having declared war over something as moronic as not liking the accommodations you were presented' on your free luxury tour' of are country.

P.P.S don't think this addendum changes the severity of are warning.

sincerely, General Mortiferous Bloodfire.