Starlight Roasts Two Idiots, Or: The Missing Scene From Fame And Misfortune

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1989

Remember when Twilight and Starlight overheard two ponies saying mean things about Rarity, which caused her to run off in tears? Well, this is the cut scene from that episode, as Starlight confronts these poor, unsuspecting dopes. Grab the popcorn...

Remember when Twilight and Starlight overheard two ponies saying mean things about Rarity, which caused her to run off in tears? Well, this is the cut scene from that episode, as Starlight confronts these poor, unsuspecting dopes. Grab the popcorn...

Contains partial spoilers for Fame And Misfortune. Duh.

Published 2017-08-14 05:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-14 05:20:06 UTC

A Stirring Encounter

"Excuse me, you two!" Starlight Glimmer was not a happy unicorn as she trotted over irritably to the two ponies seated nearby who'd just made her friend Rarity gallop off in floods of tears. "A word in your ears, if I may..."

"Yes, may I help you?" The burly blue stallion with the ponytail enquired uninterestedly first. "I'm sorry, but at this present time our drinks do not need to be freshened. Thank you for asking, though."

"Here you go, dearie..." His female companion with the pink coat gave Starlight an apologetic grin, while shoving a couple of bits in her direction. "Something for the excellent service. I hear tell they have a lovely spa in this location, and you can put this towards the cost of the deluxe treatment if you like. Maybe they'll even do something about your mane while they're at it..."

"H-Huh? W-What's the matter with my mane?!" Starlight felt somewhat flushed all of a sudden, self-consciously tossing her hair around her horn while trying to make her point once more. "A-And I'm not your waitress either!! I've come over to talk to you because you just said some very mean things about my friend! You see, I'm Princess Twilight's student..."

"Hmm..." The stallion scrutinised the new arrival with skepticism for a moment, before going back to his copy of the Friendship Journal to arbitrarily flick through the pages. "Hmm... there's no mention of Twilight Sparkle having a 'student' or anything of the kind here, save for that small reptilian bungling butler she keeps around the place, mostly out of pity no doubt. Are you sure you're not just making this up for attention?"

"Dear, if you don't work here, please leave us to finish our ice creams in peace." The pink mare asked in an annoyed tone, whilst depositing her money back inside her bag. "They're starting to melt already as you can see, and we have no time to play silly games with fantasists making up wild unsubstantiated claims to fill their dreary lives with meaning."

"W-Why, y-you..." Starlight was on the verge of blasting two unfortunate tourists into twin heaps of indistinguishable ashes, but then she remembered promising her mentor that she'd utilise her powerful magic much more responsibly from now on, so she breathed slowly to calm down. "Here, take a look at my cutie mark! Now, turn to the third page for the foreword... who's symbols are printed here, alongside Twilight's?! Only her best friends, of which I happen to be one!"

The two dining-out equines gaped at the indisputable proof that they were indeed addressing one of the Princess's closest confidantes, and responded by mumbling to each other thoughtfully.

"So, it is true..." the stallion murmured, comparing the two images closely just to be sure. "You wouldn't think of it to look at her."

"Yes my love... but it must be so, unless this is just an unfortunate typo..." his marefriend also seemed a little surprised at the prestigious status of this somewhat nondescript unicorn. "I mean, there's a claw mark here. Maybe we just got a bad copy."

"Oh, for crying out loud..." Starlight abruptly slammed the tome shut with her magic, before she started to harangue the two now dumbstruck ponies. "I am Twilight Sparkle's personal pupil, whether you believe it or not. And that 'claw mark' represents the contributions made by her loyal number one assistant Spike, who you just dismissed so callously as a 'small reptilian butler'. You're lucky he's away right now visiting Princess Ember's kingdom, or you'd really know the meaning of 'burnt to a crisp'!!

"Uh-huh..." The blue stallion raised an eyebrow at Starlight's unseemly tirade, nudging his chair backwards a few inches in the process. "That's a very intriguing story, and despite appearances, you seem to have factual evidence to back it up. Will wonders never cease..."

"She seems so angry and emotional about the whole thing, I suppose it has to be the case." His female partner shrugged her shoulders, finally conceding their uninvited guest may actually be on the level. "Even though she could use a long seminar on personal boundaries. Now darling, if you actually are who you say you are, we'd like you to do a very special favour for us, if you will."

"W-Who, m-me?!" Starlight stuttered in amazement, wondering not unreasonably how on Equestria this supposed confrontation between her and two rude ponies had become an opportunity for them to ask for proof of her identity, as well as shamelessly take liberties from her.

"I don't see any other pony around, unless you count that blubbering mess at the nearby table who made a total fool of herself galloping off just now, littering the promenade in the process..." The pink mare shook her head in disapproval, referencing the newspaper which had been discarded during the runaway's hasty escape. "No dear, we mean you. Could you please, if its not too much trouble, take this book and give it to your mistress to be signed, and make it out to 'Orange Diamond and Daisy Cutter'? We would be so very grateful..."

"...And we'll even let you put your name in it too, despite the fact that you'd had nothing whatsoever to do with the events that took place inside!" Orange Diamond grinned at a visibly stunned Starlight, as if she should be appreciative at being given such a task. "Also, tell her we're great fans of her and her followers' work, with maybe one or two exceptions..."

"Now hang on just a minute!!" Starlight glowered, suddenly remembering why she'd trotted over there in the first place. "I didn't stop by to sign autographs or introduce your name to my mistres... I mean, friend! I actually overheard you saying very cruel things about somepony very dear to me, and I wanted to..."

"You mean you were eavesdropping on us?! How terribly uncouth!" Daisy Cutter looked down her muzzle at Starlight, as if she was suddenly unworthy of her presence. "A fine member of the Princess's entourage you are."

"I've a good mind to go over to that castle right now and tell her myself of your appalling behaviour!" Orange Diamond had clearly decided he'd had enough rough treatment for one day, and began to gather his stuff together. "Come on sweetheart, we're leaving. The train back to Manehattan leaves in a little while anyway. Goodbye 'Starlight', I'd like to say it's been a pleasure, but..."

"You two aren't going anywhere!!" Starlight had finally heard enough out of this pair of tactless snobs, and her horn flared up with a blinding light to hold them into place. "I wasn't 'eavesdropping', I was simply curious about what you thought of the Friendship Journal I helped print... only to be greeted instead by a bunch of mean-spirited comments about my friend Rarity, who was the one that dashed off crying by the way! Also, I'll have you know that Princess Twilight was also with me when we heard your unfair slurs! If you want to report us both, you'd better go straight to Celestia herself!"

"The very cheek of it! Release us this minute!!" A clearly outraged Orange Diamond struggled fruitlessly against Starlight's blue aura.

"How dare you treat me and my coltfriend like this, after we travelled so far to get here! We'll tell all our acquaintances to boycott Ponyville on our return... you won't see another wealthy visitor here for years!" Daisy Cutter was also not impressed with the irate unicorn's behaviour.

"Go ahead! I think, judging from a quick glance around, we've got entirely too many 'invaders' sowing seeds of chaos as it as it is right now!" Starlight frowned, before getting to the main thrust of her argument. "Now, what was it you said about Rarity? Something along the lines of 'it would've been better if she'd been left out entirely' from the book? Am I getting warm?"

"Y-Yes, we did say that." Orange Diamond stammered, suddenly not wanting to push his magical captor too far. "I-It's just, judging by what was written in there, she seemed so stuck-up, pretentious, full of herself..."

"Darling, you're forgetting about how utterly overdramatic she is. I mean... who exactly carries around a couch to faint on, wherever they go?!" Despite her somewhat tenuous current situation, Daisy Cutter couldn't help but crack a smile at the thought of how one mare could be such an exaggerated diva. "Not to mention how materialistic she is..."

"If by 'materialistic' you mean she works with a lot of materials, then I'm in complete agreement with you..." Starlight continued her aggressive lecturing, as she gave each pony in turn alternate death stares. "I suspect however, that you're referencing the more commonly known version of the word, and if that is the case I couldn't disagree with you more. She's the most selfless and charitable pony I know... how else do you think she became the Element Of Generosity?!"

Orange Diamond and Daisy Cutter glanced back at each other when confronted dead-on by this pertinent question, before shrugging their hooves and answering in relatively simple terms:

"I don't know... good connections?"

"Bribery, maybe?"

"Oh, I give up..." realising that she probably wasn't going to get anywhere with these ignorant airheads, Starlight finally released them from her power, but not before adding a few more choice words. "Rarity, like the rest of my friends, has saved the world and done more to help ponykind than you'll ever know! Well, you should anyway... most of it is documented in that book, the very one you assure me you've read from cover to cover, but apparently haven't understood a word of! Without getting into details, it took me a while to warm to them myself... but once I did, I found the bravest, sweetest group of friends you could ever wish to meet, and that includes Spike, too! This might be a little too much to ask, but perhaps you could... I dunno, read it again, and pay closer attention this time around?! Study the friendship lessons too. I reckon you two in particular could learn a lot from them. Now, if you don't mind..."

As if on cue, the screams of Fluttershy could be heard ringing around the town, in an incident no doubt linked to the publication of this increasingly troublesome Journal.

"...I have other matters to attend to. Farewell." Starlight turned tail and galloped off into the distance, leaving the two nonplussed ponies behind to compose themselves and comment bitterly on the fateful meeting.

"Well, the nerve of some ponies! I most certainly won't be buying their second volume now, even if I can get it at a discount price!" Orange Diamond humphed petulantly, while straightening his tie.

"I know! Who did she think she was?! The Royal Family really need to hire better PR people!" Daisy Cutter sighed at the alleged misconduct of the now long departed unicorn.

"Say, dear... I've just had a delightful thought!" Orange Diamond suddenly brightened up, as a cheerful thought entered his head. "You know how Applejack was our favourite character in the book?"

"Oh, yes..." Daisy Cutter smiled at the memory. "Her lyrical odes to how your family are your friends, and your friends are your family really spoke to my heart!"

"Well, I've just had kind of a crazy idea! I think we should..." At this point he whispered secretively into his marefriend's ear. At first she seemed confused, but before long she was tittering like a little filly and clapping her hooves together in pure joy.

"Lets do it, darling!" Daisy Cutter literally leapt off her chair in eagerness, and together the two newest additions to the Apple clan sped off to face their new exciting destiny.

Yee-ha!!

Author's Note

Just something that popped into my noggin after viewing the most recent episode. Well, I hope you enjoyed. Ciao! :twistnerd: