“So why are we here?” asked Rainbow Dash, as the rest of the group where all making themselves at home in Sunset’s apartment. Taking a seat on Sunset’s couch, Rainbow watched as her friends were doing something to occupy themselves as Sunset kneeled in front of the TV connecting her DVD player. Fluttershy was feeding Ray, Sunset’s pet lizard, as Rarity painted Applejack’s nails after finally convincing the cowgirls to give her a manicure. Pinkie was in the kitchen doing Pinkie things while Twilight did some of her homework, in other words Rainbow was a bit bored.
“Yes darling, do tell us what was so important that you practically dragged us here from school,” said Rarity with hint of irritation. It was nothing against Sunset or anything, it was just Rarity didn’t fancy being anywhere near the ghetto, and sadly Sunset’s place was right on the border of ghetto territory.
“Yeah. Even though I like hanging out with you, I was planning on making a thirty-two flavor ice cream cake,” Pinkie explained, getting a far away look in her eyes. “Thirty-two flavors,” Pinkie muttered, drooling at the thought of sweets.
“.... Pinkie’s future case of diabetes aside, i have to agree, i wanted to practice some soccer moves today.” Rainbow Dash said just as Sunset was connecting the last cable to her tv.
“Aaand done!” cheered Sunset in slight triumph. Getting up and dusting herself off she turned towards her group of friends and gave them a sheepish smile. “sorry about that girls, it’s just been awhile since i had to use this thing.”
“So what is it that you wanted to show us that involves your DVD player,” Twilight asked, closing her textbook and putting away her homework.
“It better not be raunchy,” Applejack stressed, remembering the time she walked in on Sunset watching some really graphic porn. Don’t even ask what it was, that stuff was so pixelated censored that it looked like a freaking kaleidoscope. “I can never forget what I saw,” Applejack muttered, looking away. She would also not forget the fact that Sunset seems to prefer watching her porn in the nude.
“Hey you were the one who didn’t knock!” shot back Sunset with a small blush of embarrassment dusting her amber cheeks.
“Why do you even have dvds of that stuff? You can get plenty of it on the internet,” Applejack suggested.
“AJ, you've gotta be able to appreciate the classics! It's what separates the perverts from the connoisseurs,” Sunset explained with a confident tone as if she was giving sage like advice.
“I think you've been hanging around Adagio too much…” Applejack groaned.
“Umm can we please get back to the original topic?” whispered Fluttershy, while sporting a nearly glowing blush. She really wanted to get off this subject especially if Sunset accidentally let it slip on WHO gave her said porn, spoiler alert it was Fluttershy… it’s always the quiet ones.
“I agree with Shy on this one guys, can we go back to talking about what you wanted to show us?” Rainbow Dash said with a nod, trying desperately to get the images out of her head.
Sunset couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at her friend's flustered faces. “*giggle* Ok so to answer Twilight’s question, the reason why i dragged you all here is to watch this DVD’s with me.”
“....what?” asked Applejack with a flat look. The rest of the group ether had the same look or where just confused.
Realising that she needed to explain a little bit more Sunset quickly continued. “W-well you see i got a package with no return address and i was wondering if you guys would just watch it with me.”
“Oh so you want us to be here just to be safe?” asked Twilight.
‘More like if this turns out to be some kind of trap, then I wanted to make sure I’m not the only one who suffers,’ thought Sunset. But instead she said, “Yes.”
“So you don’t know who sent the package?” Rarity asked, feeling a bit worried for her friend. The fashionista is no stranger to getting strange mail, but doesn’t want anything to happen to her friend.
“Nope. All I know is that the Deliveryman said it came from a fan,” Sunset admitted, scratching the back of her head.
“You sure it's not just some creepy perv?” Rainbow wondered, a bit nervous. “Lemme tell ya, sometimes something from a “fan” can turn out to be some freak that wants you to watch him jerk o-mmph!” She was cut off by Fluttershy covering her mouth.
‘Well thanks for THAT terrifying image, Dash,’ Sunset thought angrily, but outwardly said, “I don't it's anything freaky like that... so what do you girls say? Want to watch?”
“Well if that’s all then I don’t see what's wrong with spending a bit time watching tv,” Declared Fluttershy before sitting down on the couch with Rainbow Dash.
“Oooh~! This might be fun!” cheered Pinkie Pie as just a seat to the right of Rainbow Dash, while Fluttershy remained on the left side.
“Well I guess my new designs can wait for just a bit,” sight Rarity before moving her chair next to the couch along with Applejack. While Sunset and Twilight to what space remained on the couch.
“Ok girls let’s hope we don’t end up regretting this decision.” joked Sunset. Not realising that those words would come back to bite her in the ass… her sweet, sweet, perfectly round as-(smack)-ow! Oh i mean let’s get on with the show… ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 1:Why Are We Here?
The screen goes black as the Rooster Teeth logo pops up.
“Rooster Teeth?” asked Twilight, confused.
“Must be the studio that owns the show,” stated Rainbow Dash.
“An odd name for a studio,” said Rarity with a raised brow.
‘Heh cock bite,’ mentally laughed Sunset.
It shows the Rooster Teeth's logo as a chicken is on the left, chattering teeth on the right as it pulls up and fades into the scene of a gray base in a greenland location. a quiet faint trumpet note is being played as it shows two red halo troopers outside, one standing next to a warthog, raising his knee up a bit on a bump in the hill. the other in the front as he has his rifle aimed in front of him. One in maroon armor is sitting on the gun seat as a orange colored armored soldier is seen as the driver, a red font of "RED" being shown sliding in a light background. It zooms in on the soldier in front of the Warthog as a man quietly starts to sing.
~Roses are red
~Violets are blue.
A font that says SARGE is seen under him.
~One day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue.
It cuts to the soldier in orange armor as he quickly turns his head to look to the left. the name "GRIF" being shown.
~It's red versus red, and blue versus blue
It zooms in on the gunner's face as the word "SIMMONS" appears on the top left, tilted as it is in the background.
~It's I against I, and me against you
It cuts to the final soldier in red as the name "DONUT" appears in front of him, his pistol out to his side. Soon it starts to zip across the field to another gray base as it shows a aqua blue soldier on a Scorpion tank, another in black armor. The song gets a tad bit louder as a chorus voice started to play.
~Violets are blue, and roses are red,
~Living like this, we're already dead.
It zooms to the aqua armored soldier as he has his pistol out and posed in a heroic stance, showing the name "TUCKER" on the front. It zooms to a cobalt armored soldier as he is carrying a sniper rifle on top of their base, the name "CHURCH" coming in from the side as it took a 3D aspect, acting as if a sword was being thrusted in. The rhythm of the music continues to play as it quickly zooms to the soldier in black armor, showing the name "TEX" in front of him as he turns on an invisible camouflage and quickly back to normal as the name goes behind him. A soldier in blue jumps out of the tank as he aims his pistol down, showing the name "CABOOSE" in front of him.
~Hop in my car
~It don't have any doors.
It quickly shows a light on the tank as it glowed a deep white color, the name "SHEILA" shown on the front. It zooms out towards the middle of the field, a bit to the left as it shows a soldier in brown armor named "LOPEZ" as he holds his gun down.
~It's build like a cat
~It lands on all fours.
The singer sings a low beat when he says "fours" as it shows a warthog being driven on the field, fading to Grif and Sarge, Grif pointing his pistol as Sarge holds an assault rifle, presumingly conversing. It cuts to Church and Caboose next to each other as Church waves his sniper around, quickly fading to Donut with a flagpole in his hands, quickly fading to a tank shooting, to Tex, then to a man in a grey military suit.
~It drives like a puma
~It lands on all fours.
It starts to fade quickly to different scenes, a banshee flying in space, both sides shooting across from one another, Griff in the Warthog as Tucker was in the Scorpion, variety of other activity as the song continues to play out on "floor" a guitar plays as it quickly shows a black screen that says
"RED VS BLUE
SEASON 1"
“That was the coolest opening ever… of all time,” whispered Sunset as the rest of the group were also impressed, Rainbow Dash actually wiped a tear from her eye.
“And now we’ll know all the character's names beforehand,” said Twilight in glee, happy that they knew the names before the show began and not just because the author of this story didn't want to go through the trouble of them learning the names in any other way.
Pan up from the ground and close in on two soldiers on top of a base, one clad in maroon armor, Simmons, the other in orange, Grif.
“Got to say, I'm liking the armor.” Rainbow Dash stated.
“It does give them a professional look,” agreed Rarity.
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we’re here?
Grif: It’s one of life’s great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don’t know, man, but it keeps me up at night.
The rest of the group sat in silence, registering what they just heard.
“.... wow…” Rainbow Dash mumbled. “Didn't expect whatever this is to open up with that…”
“That's some deep stuff right there…” Applejack whispered in fascination.
“It really makes you think doesn't it?” Sunset added. “I mean, I come from another dimension, so could it be possible that there are individual Gods? Or one singular God that simply looks different through the eyes of others?”
“It’s something even science hasn’t found the answers to,” said Twilight in deep thought while unconsciously resting her head on Sunset’s shoulder, a habit she gained back when she would think about something for too long and ended up falling asleep next to her brother.
‘Cute,’ thought Sunset with a smile, trying to surprising the urge to giggle at how cute Twilight was unknowingly being.
Both soldiers stare at each other in silence.
Simmons: ...What?! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?
Grif: Oh. Uh... yeah.
Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?
Grif: Uh...hm? Nothing.
“Well that just killed the mood.” muttered Rarity with a hint of disappointment.
“No kidding,” agreed Pinkie Pie.
Simmons: You wanna talk about it?
Grif: No.
Simmons: You sure?
Grif: Yeah.
“Awk~ward!” sniggered Sunset. She had to admit that she was getting a kick out of seeing these two act awkward because of that little slip up.
Simmons: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
“That doesn't seem like a strategic position to set up a base,” stated Twilight. Wondering why a army would bother waste resources and manpower in such a worthless area.
“Maybe the canyon has something worthwhile in it,” suggested Rainbow Dash. trying to help her purple friend from thinking too hard on a show. “Like some sort of valuable alien oil?”
Rarity nodded Rainbow Dash’s suggestion. “I agree, it might even have rare gems that their country needs.”
“Or maybe some precious metals,” added in Applejack.
“They might have been sent to protect some endangered creatures,” hoped Fluttershy.
Grif: Mm hmm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here.
“Or it could be the most stupid reason ever,” stated Sunset with a deadpan look.
“Ooooh! Or maybe the canyon is actually a secret testing site for some shady government conspiracy!?” gasped out Pinkie Pie.
“*pfft!* don’t be ridiculous Pinkie, this doesn't look like the kind of show that has that deep of a plot,” laughed Rainbow Dash.
Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other.
“So the two armies are named by color?” asked Fluttershy. That was an odd way to name your military force.
Simmons: No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo.
This caused both Fluttershy and Twilight to cringe at the curse that left Simmons mouth. Fluttershy was never one for such language and Twilight could just imagine her brother already saying “no cursing”, and hope he didn’t find out she was watching a show with foul language.
“Meh, I've heard worse at work,” stated Sunset.
Grif: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.
Sunset blinked at that name. “Master Chief?”
“I know Sunset, sounds like someone who's the top dog in this military…” Rainbow Dash smiled, liking the sound of the name.
“Kind of sounds redundant though…” Applejack interjected. “I mean, isn't it like calling someone Commander Sergeant?”
“Rule of Cool AJ.” Rainbow Dash answered. “Rule. Of. Cool.”
Zoom in on two soldiers watching Grif and Simmons from atop a cliff, one wielding a sniper rifle and in cobalt armor, Church, the other standing behind him in aqua armor, Tucker.
“So i guess these are the Blues?” guessed Applejack.
“Here's hoping they're smarter than the Reds.” Rainbow Dash sighed.
“I wouldn’t get my hopes up just from the fact that the one with the Sniper isn’t using this chance to kill those two,” stated Sunset.
Tucker: What're they doing?
Church slowly turns around to face Tucker, lowering his rifle.
Church: (aggravated) What?
“Someone sounds angry,” Fluttershy stated nervously.
“Well being in the military can be stressful,” explained Twilight. Remembering some of the things that her brother told her during his time in the military.
Tucker: I said, "What are they doing now?"
Church: (frustrated) God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!
“Oh that would get on anybodies nerves,” Applejack said with a nod. Having a younger sister who would ask the same question multiple times allowed her to sympathise with church.
Tucker: (defensively) You have the fucking rifle, I can’t see shit. Don’t start to bitch at me because I'm not gonna just sit up here and play with my di-
“Can we PLEASE not have someone curse every few minutes?” begged Fluttershy. It was making her uncomfortable.
“Agreed darling, the language is quite crass,” muttered Rarity in agreement
‘Meh, i’ve heard worse at my job,’ thought Sunset.
Church: (interrupting) Okay, okay, look... they’re just standing there and talking, okay? (getting angry) That's all they're doing. That’s all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week, that’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, “What are they doing?” my answer's gonna be, “They’re still just talking, and they're still just standing there!”
“Wait so they've been spying on them for a week?” asked Pinkie Pie, trying to imagine doing nothing but stand around and watch someone… ya she wasn’t seeing her doing anything like that.
“And the Church guy didn't think to shoot them?” wondered Sunset.
Applejack just gave her friend an odd look. “What’s with you and shooting people?”
“I’m just someone who takes a chance when it presents itself ya know?” answered Sunset with a shrug.
“Oh we know… it’s how you took over the school when you first showed up,” said Rainbow Dash with a small glare.
Sunset had the decency to blush after being reminded of how she used to be. “Heheh… sorry.”
Both fall silent.
Tucker: ...What're they talking about?
Church: ...You know what? I fucking hate you.
‘I feel your pain man.’ sympathize Sunset. Church's situation reminded her of the time Rainbow Dash forced her to join her in one of her “scouting missions” a week before the friendship games to scout out the Crystal prep students.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(a few months ago, one week before the friendship games)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We find Sunset and Rainbow Dash hiding in some bushes in a park which was across a cafe that a few Crystal Student's hung out at.
“So… what are they doing,” asked Rainbow Dash. sadly she couldn’t afford a pair binoculars, and Sunset only had one pair, and was not willing to lend them to someone who’s been down to break things that cost a lot.
Looking away from her binoculars, Sunset let out a frustrated sigh and gave Rainbow Dash a glare. “Eating lunch Dash, that's all they've BEEN doing every time you ask me that question.”
“Oh…” Dash muttered while blushing in embarrassment. “... So what are they eating?”
Sunset just let out a small groan before going back to watching the Crystal Prep students and ignore the voice in her head telling her to just knock out the rainbow haired girl and leave her in the bushed, and just took enjoyment in the fact that their School’s uniform had short skirts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut back to Grif and Simmons.
Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them.
Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.
“I have a feeling you two wouldn’t be in charge of taking care of a rock,” mocked Rainbow Dash.
“They’d probably lose it,” joked Rarity.
“No, it’d probably run away, they’re THAT bad!” Added Pinkie, earning a round of laughter from the rest of the group.
Cut to a low angle shot of a soldier in red armor, Sarge, who is seen looking up at Simmons and Grif.
Sarge: Ladies, front and center on the double!
Simmons: Fuck.
Grif: Yes, sir!
“Oh that must be the commanding officer?” guessed Twilight.
“Sounds like one,” agreed Sunset. ‘Reminds me of Mugshot,’ thought Sunset, thinking of her fellow employee at her job.
Fade to black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Wait, that’s all?” Twilight asked in confusion. “I figured there’d be a little more...”
“Not a bad start, but that was way too short!” Complained Rainbow Dash. “We didn’t even get any action!”
“Ya! Let’s play another one!” yelled Pinkie Pie before snatching the remote and pressing play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 2: Red Gets a Delivery
Pan out on Grif and Simmons, who are approaching another Red soldier (Sarge) clad in red armor.
Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social.
Simmons: Ice cream social?
“Ooo! Threw one of those once!” Pinkie smiled.
“Oh, we remember….” Applejack shivered, remembering how her little sister had one massive stomach ache afterwards. “So much vomit...ugh”
“Next time, we leave her with cleanup duty.” Rarity whispered.
Simmons and Grif exchange looks.
Cut to Sarge.
Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?
Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
“I highly doubt that, we still have an entire season of this to go.” Pinkie scoffed.
“Not just one season ether,” muttered Twilight while looking through the box that the DVDs came in.
Sarge: (Sarcastically) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!
“Jeez~! I haven’t seen this much sarcasm since that time Sunset made the cheerleading team cry,” said Applejack.causing Sunset to wince at the reminder of what she did during the week after the fall formal, but to be fair she only insulted them because they were talking shit about Rarity behind her back.
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.
Sarge: Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!
“That’s horrible!” cried Fluttershy.
“CHRIST!” Rainbow Dash winched at such a threat. “I know commanders can be harsh but what the hell!?”
Simmons: Oh I'd do it, too.
“Ok i can see the Sarge guy being a hard ass but what's Simmon’s problem with Grif!?” question a confused Sunset. What did Grif do!?
“Both of their attitudes to a fellow soldier is very unbecoming,” stated Rarity with her nose turned up in disgust.
Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Good man. (brief pause) Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.
Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.
“Crap those things can be annoying,” muttered Rainbow Dash. it was always a pain dealing with a new member in the soccer team, it through of the team dynamic by adding someone new.
Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command.
Grif and Simmons exchange looks again.
Sarge turns towards a hill behind them.
Sarge: Lopez, bring up the vehicle.
A large, armor-plated, jeep-like vehicle comes over the rise with Lopez in the driver seat, who pulls up alongside the Reds.
“Jesus!” yelped Applejack after seeing the metal monster drive onto the scene.
Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun! (realizes he is too late) Fuck.
“Ha!” both Sunset and Rainbow Dash laughed. It reminded them how they would pull that one each other.
Sarge: May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle.
Camera closes in on the front of the vehicle and starts to move left, circling it.
Sarge: It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
“.....I want one.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack both said.
“That gun!” Sunset said as soon as she laid eyes on the machinegun. Oh the damage she could do.
“Sunset… you're drooling,” Fluttershy told the sun themed girl but was sadly ignored in favor of admiring the weapon.
Cut to Grif and Simmons.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Cut to Sarge.
Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.
“Gotta agree with sarge with this one,” commented Applejack with a nod it made sense to her.
Cut to Grif.
Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
“Oh? Then what does it look like?” asked Rarity with a raised. She wondered what animal it did look like.
Sarge: (after a brief pause) Say that again.
“Ah oh,” said most of the group. They knew with that tone that Grif was digging his own grave.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
“I can see that,” said Fluttershy.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
“... he’s not serious is he?” deadpanned Applejack.
Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?
“No but that reminds me i need to get a new pair workout shoes” muttered Rainbow Dash.
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.
“Their also the 4th largest cat in the world and weigh around 264 pounds,” informed Fluttershy.
Sarge: You're making that up.
“....what?” everyone asked. They MUST of heard that wrong, there was no way someone was THAT dumb.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
“He’s telling the truth!” said Fluttershy in a irritated tone.
‘Oh this is getting interesting,’ thought Sunset as she took notice on how angry Fluttershy was getting. Now the only question was how long until she finally explodes.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Cut to Grif.
“A Mammoth?” Suggested Pinkie.
“A Elephant,” stated Twilight while rolling her eyes. This was getting kinda dumb.
“Theres also Narwhals,” added Rarity.
Pinkie began to sing. “Narwhals, Narwhals, swimming in the ocean-”
“NO!” Everyone snapped.
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!
“THATS A REAL ANIMAL YOU HICK!” screamed Fluttershy. To almost everyones shock and Sunset’s amusement.
“Hey!” yelled Applejack.
“Hush you!” snapped Fluttershy in anger, causing the southern girl to snap her mouth shut after seeing the usually calm Fluttershy’s glare.
Cut to a view of the Reds through the sniper rifle scope.
Cut to Church, wielding the rifle, and Tucker, wielding a M6D pistol.
“Ok i’m on Sunset’s side now, why in the hell isn’t church just shooting them in the head!?” asked an annoyed Applejack.
“Ya he should just give it… a SHOT!” said Sunset with a shit eating grin. While only getting Pinkie Pie to laugh while the rest of the group just gave out a groan.
“Godammit Sunset,” mumbled Rainbow Dash.
Tucker: What is that thing?
Church lowers the rifle.
Church: I don't know, man. Looks like uh.. looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it.
“That’s smart, they need to let their superiors know about any advantage the enemy has,” said Twilight said with a approving nod. Glad that someone in the show was using their brain.
Tucker: (taken aback) A car? How come they get a car?!
Church: What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.
“A TANK!?” yelled both Rainbow Dash and Sunset with stars in their eye’s. While the warthog was cool, a tank was on a whole other level.
“Oh great now their both vehicle/weapon crazy,” muttered Applejack.
“Oooh~! I want a party tank!” cheered Pinkie Pie.
“Make that three,” deadpanned Rarity.
“Wait a minute, wasn’t there a tank with a name in the opening?” Twilight whispered to herself..
Tucker: (disappointed) You can't pick up chicks in a tank.
“....Pardon?” asked Rarity with narrowed eyes. This caused the rest of the group to sweat a little.
Church: Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?
“Ya dude just enjoy the fact that you're getting a tank!” lectured Sunset with Rainbow Dash nodding in a agreement.
Tucker: (sighs) What kind of car is it?
Church: (looking through the scope of the sniper rifle) I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind.
Tucker: ...What, like a puma?
Church: Yeah, man, there you go.
Everyone chuckled at that.
“Well i guess this makes the blue team the smarter of the two teams,” Twilight giggled out.
Cut to Red Team.
Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?
Grif: No, sir. No more suggestions.
Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?
Grif: It's okay.
Sarge: Unicorn?
“I suddenly feel offended...” Sunset grumbled.
“And i’m starting to feel bad for Grif,” Applejack added in.
Grif: No really. Uh, I'm cool.
Sarge: Sasquatch?
Simmons: Leprechaun?
Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help, man.
“Ya seriously don’t be a kiss ass,” Rainbow demanded.
“Huh? I have a feeling that title fits him,” Pinkie Pie muttered.
Sarge: Phoenix?
“Oh don’t bring philomena into this,” muttered Sunset, remembering the pet Phoenix of Princess Celestia, and one of the few things she cared about back in her old days of being an egotistical brat.
Grif/the girls: (sighs) Christ.
Fade to black.
Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.
“Jesus he’s still going!” gawked Twilight. She didn’t know to be angry at the continued bullying or impressed that someone who was so senile in her eyes had so much energy to spare.
Simmons: Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir.
Sarge: Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ok i want to see a tank now,” stated Sunset before hitting play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 3: The Rookies
Simmons and Grif are on top of Red Base. A soldier in red armor (Donut) is walking up the ramp behind them.
“Is that sarge?” asked Fluttershy, tilting her head to the side in wonder.
“Nah this one seems a little off to be the sarge,” stated Rainbow Dash. this guy wasn’t giving off the same feel as sarge.
Simmons: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.
Grif: Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-
“Vegas quadrant?” questioned Sunset with a gleam in her eye.
“No!” yelled Twilight.
“But!”
“No! Last time you gambled you left my brother in nothing but his underwear!” yelled the purple teen while giving her closest friend a glare.
“I gave him back his clothes…” whimpered Sunset. Though to be fair, she refused to give back his gun.
Donut: Excuse me, uh, sirs.
“Sirs? Ok that’s definitely not Sarge,” stated Applejack. There was no way sarge would be respectful to those two, especially Grif.
“Ooh~! It’s the other red guy we saw in the Opening, Donut!” laughed Pinkie Pie.
“And I thought Donut Joe was a silly name,” commented Rainbow Dash. Nothing against the donut shop owner, it’s just food themed names were always made fun of time to time, even Applejack, and the rest of the Apple family were the subjects to some jokes time to time.
Grif: Sirs? (turns to Donut) Ah crap.
Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge.
“Well this one sounds like a proper solder,” praised Rarity.
“Let’s see how long that last,” joked Sunset
Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.
“Bet Griffys happy about that,” stated Pinkie Pie. heck she bet anyone would be happy if they had to deal with insults and death threats on a daily bases.
Simmons: Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone.
Grif: You are such a kiss-ass.
“Ya!” yelled Sunset and Rainbow Dash.
Simmons: Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."
Grif: That's the worst impression I've ever heard.
“Ok. Now Ah feel insulted,” Applejack grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.
Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?
Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.
“Pfft!” the group stifled their laughter.
“Ok the private part just does not fit with the name donut,” giggled Fluttershy.
Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?
Donut: This IS the standard issue red.
“Ya but you run the risk of getting confused with Sarge,” Twilight pointed out.
“Hopefully they come up with a reason to give him new armor,” hoped Pinkie Pie. it would get confusing otherwise.
Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.
Donut: (looks at Simmons) Well, he's wearing red armor.
Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.
“Yes darling please get that right next time,” lectured Rarity. It always annoyed her when people couldn’t tell different shades of a color apart.
“*scoff* girly girl,” muttered Rainbow Dash.
Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?
Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.
“Wouldn’t count on that,” said Sunset. Knowing Murphy's law, the Blues are probably dealing with their own headache.
Church, Tucker, and a soldier in standard issue blue (Caboose) are looking at a tank.
“That must be Caboose.” guested Twilight.
Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"
“Good question!” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Why don’t they just air-bomb the reds or something?!”
“This Caboose fellow’s got a good head on his shoulders.” Applejack mused. “Heck he’s the smartest guy we’ve seen in this show so far...”
“Hahahahahaha!” laughed a voice in the distance. The girls wondered where in the hell it could of came from until they just chalked it up to one of Sunset’s neighbors.
Tucker: Hey, kid.
Caboose: Yeah?
Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.
Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!
Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.
‘Ya…’ thought Sunset dreamy, but was brought back into reality once Twilight started talking.
“A town or city, sure, but it’s impossible to destroy the whole world with that,” Twilight stated, adjusting her glasses.
“We don’t know that! That tank could have a super powered cannon on it,” Sunset suggested. Not wanting to give up on the possibility of a world ending tank.
Cut to the Reds.
Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.
Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!
Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?
Donut: Absolutely!
“Oh this should be good,” chuckled Sunset with Pinkie giggling along with her. They new a prank when they see one.
Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.
Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.
Donut: The what?
Simmons: He means the Warthog.
“Don’t you mean the Chupathingy?” Sunset and Rainbow giggled, covering their mouths to stifle their laughter.
“You know that those things don’t exist, right?” Applejack said, her eyebrow rising a bit.
“No shit,” Rainbow admitted, going back to watching the show.
Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?
Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.
“Poor rookie,” laughed Pinkie Pie. she felt a little bad for the guy but he was at fault for not seeing a prank that obvious.
Simmons: Well, get going then.
Donut starts running across the base.
Grif: Other way.
Donut turns around and goes the other way.
Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.
“In a wide open canyon?” asked Applejack.
Grif and Simmons watch Donut running off into the Gulch.
Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?
Grif: I say... at least a week.
“Oh come on guys! Be a little nicer…. Three days tops,” said Sunset with a small grin getting some laughs from her friends.
Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.
Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am?
The group felt a bit of hope that Donut was actually smart, unlike his teammates.
Donut: Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.
Que the group face palming and a few of them muttering idiot.
Cut to the Blues.
Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.
Sunset was about to agree with him but the sudden feeling of death coming off of Rarity made her think twice.
Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?
Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets.
“WHAT!!!” Rarity growled, digging her nails into Sunset’s couch. Surprising her nails didn’t break from the force.
“You owe me a new couch if you wreck that one,” Sunset muttered, looking at Rarity. The fashionista acknowledged the sentence by nodding and stopping herself from causing anymore damage.
Cut to Grif and Simmons.
Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?
Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?
“Hello Murphy? There's a call for you,” joked Sunset.
Donut approaches Blue Base.
Donut: Finally, there it is. ...Oh sweet! They sell tanks!
“...No they’re not going to,” Twilight said, her shoulders sagging.
“Oh I hope they do,” Sunset chuckled, leaning back into her couch. “Also Murphy better pick up that phone cause I fucking called it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“One more episode then we call it a day,” stated Sunset right before pressing play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 4: Head Noob in Charge
Church, Tucker, and Caboose are standing next to the tank outside Blue Base.
Church: Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out... ah, you know how it works.
“Aw…” Fluttershy smiled.
“That’s so sweet...” Rarity cooed.
“...and dumb.” Rainbow Dash scoffed.
Sunset, along with the rest of the group, glared at her. “Wow, really Rainbow Dash? What the hell? You’re against marriage?”
“No, I mean it’s dumb of him to mention that he’s getting married in the middle of a war, no matter how stupid said war is.” Rainbow explained herself. “In every war story setting, the guy who mentions his wife/girlfriend/lover and/or their kids is always the one to bite the dust. Mark my words; he’s a dead man.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “ Oh please, you’re looking too deeply into this-”
“No, Dashie’s right!” Pinkie interjected. “You might as well say he just graduated from the academy and only has two days left until retirement! All he’s missing is a red shirt!”
“....and the Grim Reaper hovering over him.” Rainbow Dash joked, bumping fists with her.
“Ya’ll seriously believe that he’s gonna die?” Applejack asked, arching a brow.
“He won’t make it past this season.” Rainbow Dash snarked.
“You willin’ to bet on it?” She smirked, getting her attention.
Rainbow Dash stared at her for a few seconds and then pulled out her wallet. “Twenty bucks says he dies this season.”
“Yer’ on!” The farmer smirked.
“Ah what the heck…” Sunset shrugged. “I'm on the “surviving” side.”
Pinkie pulled out her own wallet. “Ooo,I want in on this!”
Tucker: Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
“....this guy sounds alot like your brother Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash said.
“And he has a more punchable face too...” Fluttershy growled, prompting everyone to stare at her in shock.
Church: Hey, rookie.. did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: No, I think he called her a slut!
Church: I'll tell you what, noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great.
“You kind of had that one coming with that comment,” muttered Rarity in irritation.
Church: See, we've got this General.
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: ...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he coming by?
Tucker: We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now.
“Wow seriously? There hazing him now?” Rainbow Dash groaned. “I get that organizations tend to do that, but in the middle of a war? That's just asking for casualties.”
“Shining would have an aneurysm if someone did this back when he was still a part of the army.” commented Twilight.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
“Flag?” questioned the group, what was so important about a flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well... it's... it's complicated. Uh... It's blue, we're blue.
“..... oh my god this war is just one lethal game of capture the flag,” muttered a wide eyed Sunset, while the rest of the crew was staring wide eyed and slack jawed in front of the tv.
“That's… so fucking stupid,” Twilight cured in a rare out of character moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(meanwhile, somewhere else.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shining Armor was just sitting around in his office until a great sense of dread filled within him and caused him to look up to the sealing.
“I sense a great disturbance in the force!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right.
Church: So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him.
Caboose turns and heads for the base, but stops half way and turns around.
Caboose: Uh, how will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie. He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us.
“Why do i feel like that's going to screw them over?” asked Rainbow Dash, she had a feeling like the Blues where going to get majorly fucked over.
Church: Now get in there, and don't come out! (turns to Tucker) Man, that guy is dumber than you are.
Tucker: You mean he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back.
“Boo! That comeback was lame!” Pinkie shouted, giving a thumbs down. “Fluttershy could have come up with something better!”
Caboose emerges from the base with Church and Tucker in the distance.
Caboose: Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?
Church: Oh my god, WHAT!? (turns to Tucker) Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!
Caboose: Sorry about calling your girl a slut...
“Well at least he seems like he didn't mean it,” muttered Fluttershy, feeling that she might of been a little harsh on the new recruit.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!
“Bet the reds are happy having donut now,” laughed Applejack.
Tucker: (turns around to laugh) Uh-huh huh huh huh!
Church: (turns around to face Tucker's back) Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut steps up behind Church.
Donut: Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?
Church:Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I.. I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!
Donut: What did I do?
Church: One...
Donut: Aw, gimme a break.
Church: TWO!
Donut: Fine!
Donut runs in the base and walks up to Caboose.
“Oh god they ARE going with this route...” muttered Twilight.
Caboose: Wow, you got here fast!
Donut: Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?
“War, lack of sleep, dealing with each other, just being idots.” listed off Twilight sarcastically, much to Sunset’s delight.
“I’m so proud,” muttered Sunset while wiping away a tear.
Caboose: I'm not, sir. What can I do for you?
Donut: Finally, someone with a little respect around here.
Caboose: Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this... (turns toward the flag)
Donut: Wait, is this all you have?
Caboose: Uh, yes, sir. That's it!
Donut: Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?
Caboose: Uhmm...
Donut: Headlight fluid?
Caboose: No. All we have is this flag.
Donut: Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that.
Caboose: Sure, that makes sense. I guess.
Donut: (leaving with the flag)Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.
Pinkie was on the floor holding her sides while Rarity was trying her best not to burst into laughter.
“Oh god the rookie just won this stupid war!” roared Rainbow Dash in laughter.
“Hahahaha! Good for him!” cried Sunset while hugging Twilight who was now just a mess of giggles.
Cut to Church and Tucker.
Church:Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker.
Tucker: Me? I can't drive that thing.
Church: You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?
Tucker:I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?
Church: No! ..Holy Crap! Who is running this army!?
“GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!” Sunset, Rainbow, and Applejack all shouted at once.
“Why give them something they can’t use!” yelled a flabbergasted Twilight.
“Ummm, maybe Caboose can use it or maybe in comes with instructions.” suggested Fluttershy but sadly wasn’t heard over everyone else.
Caboose: (emerging from the base) Hey! Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!
Church: (to Caboose) Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron! (to Tucker) Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...Wait a second... What did he just say?
“Oh nothing, just the fact that you more than likely lost your dumb war,” snarked Rainbow Dash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well time to call it a nig-!” Started Sunset before Pinkie Pie interrupted her by snatching the remote from her. “Hey!”
“One more episode or we won’t have a good five episodes for the chapter!” stated Pinkie Pie with her tongue sticking out and giving a wink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 5: The Package is in the Open
Church, Tucker, and Caboose are standing on top of Blue Base.
Church: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?
Caboose: Is that bad?
Church: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?
Tucker: There, there he is.
Church: (looking through the sniper rifle) Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.
Tucker: He must be one smart son of a bitch.
“HA!” laughed Sunset, as the rest of the group let out some giggles.
“*giggle* Sharp isn't the word i’d use mister Tucker,” laughed Fluttershy while hugging equally laughing Rainbow Dash.
Cut to Donut looking around the canyon.
Donut: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?
“Oh the heck to you get lost? The bases are across from each other! Yelled Applejack.
Cut to Church, Tucker, and Caboose.
Church: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.
Tucker: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.
Everyone facepalmed at that, They knew something like this would happen.
Church: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.
“What defenses? Two morons, one rookie, and a tank no one can use?” asked Rarity.
Caboose: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.
“Yes Caboose, they let him right in thanks for pointing it out,” said Twilight.
Tucker: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.
Church: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge.
“FINALLY!” yelled both Sunset and Rainbow Dash. it was about time he used that Sniper Rifle.
Cut to Donut as Church shoots four times but misses.
Donut: (crouching) Son of a bitch!
“HOW THE HELL DID HE MISS FOUR TIMES!?” Sunset shouted.
Applejack facepalmed. “This guy has the aim of a stormtrooper….”
“I think even the Stormtroopers would be laughing at this idiot…” Twilight added.
Cut to Church and Tucker.
Church: Aw crap.
Tucker: ...
Church: (turns to Tucker) ...What?
Tucker: You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?
“He’s good at shooting at air,” joked Fluttershy which earned her a round of laughter and Rainbow Dash ruffling her hair, causing our shy girl to blush.
Cut to Donut.
Donut: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?
Cut to Tucker.
Tucker: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.
“What's embarrassing is your shitty aim!” Rainbow Dash stated. “For fucks sake, you didn't even graze him!”
“Though to be truth I would be taunting them in this situation,” laughed Sunset.
Church: Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.
“They have a teleporter!?” screamed Twilight.
“Ok that’s pretty cool,” whistled Rainbow Dash.
“Ah’ll say!” agreed Applejack.
“.... meh,” scoffed Sunset. Teleporting wasn;t a big deal for someone who use to spam it on a daily bases.
Caboose: Right!
Church: Tucker, you ready? Let's go.
Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing.
Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?
Tucker: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?
“And Tucker wins the argument with that point,” commented Applejack.
Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?
Tucker: We threw rocks through it!
“Truly the greatest way to test something for cavemen… and idiots,” snarked Twilight. Getting another round of laughter from the group and a one armed hug from Sunset, causing the glasses wearing teen to blush.
“Hahaha! Man I love it when you get snarky!” laughed the former student of Celestia while tightening the hug which caused Twilight to blush even harder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(back with Shining Armor.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“THE DISTURBANCE HAS GROWN STRONGER!” screamed the older brother of Twilight, freaking out anyone walking by his office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Church: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?
Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.
“Black stuff? Don’t you mean soot?” asked Sunset in confusion.
Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.
Tucker: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.
“Is this racist? I feel like this is supposed to be racist,” wondered Pinkie Pie. you see readers in this world where everyone is a color that you could find in a crayon box, there isn’t really any prejudice for anyone's skin tone. Which means that they don’t know the racist slang terms like (BEEP),(BEEP),(BEEP), classic word (BEEP!).
“GODDAMN IT NARRATOR!”
I better go before Deadman beats me.
Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at Tucker)
Tucker: You wouldn't...
“Oh he would,” said Sunset, and she would be lying if she said using that method didn’t come to mind when her friends were being extremely difficult to work with like in the friendship games.
Church: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.
Tucker: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.
“Oh maud would not like hearing that,” muttered Pinkie Pie. she knew her sister would take personal offence at that statement.
Church: Duly noted. Now get in there.
Tucker: Crap... Alright. One, two...
Tucker runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.
Caboose: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...
“Welp Tuckers dead, rest in peace ma homie,” said Sunset with a shrug, before her and Rainbow Dash saluted, and took a swig from their drinks.
“Aren't you supposed to pour you drinks on the ground for a departed person?” asked Twilight.
“*pffft!* Like i’m ruining my carpet for him,” scoffed Sunset before taking a swig of her drink.
Church: Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.
“That's the smarter option darling,” deadpanned Rarity.
Church runs off the base to chase Donut.
Church: Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!
Cut to Simmons and Grif.
Simmons: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.
Grif: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam.
Simmons: Wait a second, that's only three bams.
Grif: Bam. (sees Church through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there.
Simmons: Where's he headed?
Grif: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees that it's the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.
Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?
Grif: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.
Yes you dumb, dumb war,” said Twilight with a sigh as the show ended.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stopping the video, the girls all got up from their seats. “Well that was an experience,” said Sunset while stretching a few kinks out.
Nodding in agreement and rolling her stiff shoulders Twilight says, “Ya but mostly weird.”
“I thought it was great!” laughed Rainbow.
Rolling her eyes, Rarity said, “Of course you would like this. It fits you perfectly.”
“Ya violence and cussing, fits ya like a glove,” agreed Applejack.
Rainbow Dash gave Applejack a coy smirk. “Oh really? Last I checked I recall a certain farmer swearing up a storm and getting into a fistfight with a certain lady after she insulted her apples, what was her name, Strawberry something?”
Applejack blushed upon recalling that bad incident.
‘Oh if only you knew who the REAL fan of this kind of stuff was,’ thought Sunset before noticing what time it was. “Well girls it’s been fun but I need to get ready for work.”
“Ya and i need to get home before Shining get’s worried about me running late,” agreed Twilight. “But we should do this again, it was sorta fun minus all the mind numbing dumb moments.
“But please darling, please take care on your way to work and avoid going anywhere near the ghetto. I wouldn’t want any ruffians to do anything to you,” Rarity pleaded, standing in the doorway as the rest of the group was making their way to the elevator. She stayed of a moment longer before leaving Sunset’s home and walking towards the rest of her friends.
“See ya girls tomorrow!” shouted Sunset as she waved her friends goodbye. Once the the elevator door closed Sunset quickly rushed back into her apartment to grab her tools for her job.
‘Ok pepper spray, baton, and last but not least my taser,’ thought sunset as she placed her equipment in her utility belt. While also putting on a long sleeved version of her jacket with a hoodie underneath, and putting on a pair of black leather pants.
Checking herself out in the mirror, she couldn’t help but smirk. “Man i look good in leather,” she said while giving her reflection a wink. After that little flirting session with herself, Sunset gave Ray his meal for the night and made her way out of her apartment building.
“Man i just hope Mugshot isn’t in one of his foul moods today,” muttered Sunset as she rushed towards her job… right towards the direction of the ghetto.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER END! Next time we see what sunset’s job is and why she needs all those self defence tools. Can you figure it out?
