Love, Problem, Solution

I may see him at the end of the day if I catch him at the right moment. He never waits for me, and I can’t wait for him because it would be weird, we’re not close friends. If he sees me right in front of him, he often passes by unless I say something, or he’s got some major idea he wanted to share with me. Strangely enough, he never really acted like that type of guy. However, he did have a tendency to speak his mind. I'd know if he didn't like talking to me. Still, I wasn't sure what to think about him. I prefer to think about what I’m going to say to him, or else we’d be going around in awkward silence, and that would usually result in him walking faster if he believed we’d finished our conversation. In reality, I never want it to be over. I decided to ask about the research while he was inside the library, if I ever get the chance. He ended up walking right behind me, and as he did, I said hi to him.

"Vapor," he replies with his usual nod again.

"So! Any luck on your research?"

He smiles. "Lunch is only so long. The few minutes I had to research was only enough time to check out an entire drawing book."

Oh that's what he was talking about earlier. "Oh, I've read that book before. It's a nice piece of work."

"Really? I haven't finished it yet, but since you say so, I'm looking forward to it."

"You really like comic books, don't you?" I asked, slapping myself mentally for how idiotic I sound.

He smiles again. It’s pretty funny. When we were kids, he would normally have this big smile on his face whenever something good would happen. Over the years, I’ve noticed that smile grow smaller and smaller. He’s usually one of the people that would never “truly” smile in the school pictures, which really annoyed me. The few people that I knew were always smiling and I thought that Sky should show his more often. His smiles are just mesmerizing. Did I just say that? Geez... "I suppose it could be said that I enjoy reading them. But I mostly like the characters, plot details, et cetera, et cetera…” he replies.

"Yeah, you're pretty energetic about everything, aren't you?"

"For the most part, yeah."

We got on the bus and I was seated next to my friends in the front while he spent time by himself in the back. He told me that it was easier to think in the very back and I could understand why he would spend time there. The loud kids hang out in the front seats, along with my friends and I. I've thought about sitting with him sometimes, but I could never bring myself to do so. What I’m even more worried about is that he’s alone more than being made fun of by my friends. Even more so is that when I get off the bus, he usually doesn’t pay any attention. Today is my final chance to make a good impression to him that could last me the entire day. Everyone else had already gotten off and it was just the two of us.

"Hey, Sky," I called. He looked at me. I went through the things that I thought about asking him earlier this morning to start a conversation. “This is a random question to ask you, but I’ve been thinking about asking you for a while. Um, whatever happened to that teddy bear you had when you were little? The one that I gave you as a gift?"

He was taken back by my question but swiftly regained his composer and said,

"I haven't thought about that old thing in years. I don’t know what happened to it. I might still have it, but I don’t use it anymore. I outgrew it, I guess. Why do you ask?

I smile at his question. "I don’t really know, the thought just slipped into my mind. Sometimes I think back on when we were little. I do that from time to time. Do you think about that too, or am I just crazy?" I gave him a little chuckle to play it off as humorous, but I still felt curious.

"Not gonna lie, it drifts into my mind from time to time. I've never been one to look back on the past, though."

"Oh. I guess I'm crazy then." I smile at him.

"Naw, you’re not crazy, you’re normal. If anypony is crazy, it would be me." He continues walking. Sky never really said “goodbye.” He doesn’t like saying it. He’s more of a “see you later” type of guy. I’m assuming he walked away because he thought we were done talking, so I turn around and walk home.

Just normal. I'm just normal to him. My brain was beginning to go over every possibility of what could happen next. Of course, it was obvious as day what it means. According to him, I was normal and he was not. I have to find a more subtle compliment that he would never make. I must like him a lot since my heart likes toying with me when it comes to stuff involving him.

When I get home, I immediately go up to my room and finish my homework, and lay on my bed once I’m done, allowing myself to drift off into the past. I often say that to myself whenever I go and look for Sky in different yearbooks, along with the marks he left. Almost all boys are cute in their own way. The elementary school pictures of him were more or less the same. He's really cute. I like to think about how the guys looked in elementary school. Around second grade, I worked up the courage to ask Sky to sign my yearbook. He had smiled and took the yearbook, holding the pen over the page looking like he was going to sign it, but then dropped the pen and ripped the whole page off. He crumpled up the page and stuffed most of it in his mouth, some of the paper was sticking out. He was acting like how you would see a cartoon character on television. I pushed him to the ground and walked away, infuriated. Apparently throughout the years, I was the only girl who pretty much had the guts to defend myself in front of him. Most girls avoided or ran away from him. By the fourth grade, he’d learned his lesson and never did it again and acted a lot more mature.

When high school rolled around, we'd both changed. My hair grew over the years and I consumed one book after the other while maintaining a 4.0 GPA, even though mom and dad never intended to push me any further with my grades. Sky did the same thing, except he didn’t get a 4.0. His life choices were different than mine. He started loving comic books, both originating from here and foreign countries. During that time, he often quoted great figures to make fun of other people, just to point out the fact that he was smarter than everybody. I was no stranger to that form of mockery. We both were tired of people not taking us seriously. Around that time, I was, again, too nervous to get him to sign my yearbook. The pages that were already signed were filled with rude, sarcastic, and overall immature insults of me and my friends during the last day of school.

When junior year came around, there was a glimmer of hope that we would be more than friends. We spoke more often and we would sometimes approach each other if he wanted to tell me something (even though I had a few friends of my own, it wasn’t quite the same). Even though he did some terrible things to me when we were growing up, I liked him regardless and we became more comfortable around each other. Asking for his signature seemed only natural. During the last day of school, he offered to sign my yearbook and he just wrote his name on it before he gave it back to me. He'd left his mark. I wanted him to write something more than just his name in my book, but I suppose guys aren’t really into that unless you’re close to them as friends or in a relationship. It really left my heart shattered but I knew that he had no intention of doing that to hurt me. Even after all that, I look forward to the day that he signs my yearbook in the second semester.

After that, I got closer to him in classes and would sometimes legitimately need to ask Sky for help. He is very proficient when it comes to math and I often have a hard time with square roots and decimals. I haven’t talked to him for days now, so I went to his house, believing as if I’ve grown obsessed with him or something like that. While it is true that I believe he would think that I am obsessed with him if I showed up unannounced, he doesn’t really seem to be bothered by it. His family really enjoys my visits, so his mom would usually let me in and I would immediately go into his room without a second thought. It’s funny because even though I go into Sky’s room without his knowledge, it’s not really seen as weird or creepy. I don’t really bother to close the door though because it just seems pointless and a tad bit suspicious.

While I continued to move up the stairs, I could hear Sky mumbling to himself about something. Back then, I would find it a bit bizarre, considering that he never speaks to anyone other than his friends and me half the time. He's never been one to talk to himself. The door to his room was slightly open, and he was laying on his bed. It sounded like he was having a conversation with himself, since no one else was speaking. Maybe he's on the phone or something. By the time I made it up the stairs, I saw something. I'd recognize that color anywhere. It's the teddy bear that I gave him! Sky is talking to Sunshine again! He saw me as I kept walking towards him, acting as if I didn’t see a thing. He hides Sunshine away very quickly.

"Hey Sky!" I said cheerfully. Maybe I came on to strongly.

"Vapor," he said almost sullenly. I could already tell that he was gonna get flustered so I decided to not speak about this situation.

"Um…so," I twirl my hair around my finger, pretending that I’m hiding something too. I guess I am, in a way. I crave his company and attention. “I was wondering if you could help me with my homework? I’m, uh, having a hard time understanding it.”

"Alright. Let me have a look."

After the next couple minutes, I started to understand the problem that I was struggling to figure out for hours back home. Sky is so simple when it comes to explanations. At times, I would question how he understands it, but not for long though. He’s always right. I often ask him if it’s okay that I do my entire assignment at his house, should the questions that I have for him arise. And that’s what happens tonight.

"I don’t see why not," he replies, his eyes shifting quickly to where he hid Sunshine.

"Huh?" Usually he's very straightforward in answering questions like this. He’s probably feeling a little funny or something. I suppose a more straight answer would have to be he would either tolerates me being around him, or he is disgusted by this sentiment I dearly hold to myself.

"That's what I said. I don’t see why not."

I smile, even though I don't mean to. His flustered tone makes me a little giggly. As usual, his tone is low and disinterested. "Well, it’s just that you’re always happy to have me over, but this time is different. You seem a little hesitant this time."

"Perhaps it’s because you were peeking into my room without asking."

"Maybe. But still," I drop the overly intelligent façade for a minute, "is something the matter?"

He looked down and for a few seconds, silence filled the air. Surprisingly for once, he answered.

"Yes," he said slowly, and gives me an inquiring look, like it’s strange for me to ask him how he’s feeling. And I can’t tell if he actually thinks that or not. He knows how to hide his emotions well, as I've said before and knowing him, he’s not going to tell me what’s bothering him so I decide not to push it and continue working.

"Alright. I'll get to work then. I’ll try to be done around five-ish."

"I'm sure you'll be done before that."

I smile again, but he doesn’t notice it, like usual. He’s already got his back turned to me with his face in a comic book. I roll my eyes and start working on my homework again. Just like Sky said, I’m done with my homework by 4:30. I guess because I’ve liked him for so long that it doesn’t even feel weird anymore. I am completely tied to my homework and all he can think about is what he’s gonna do after school. He often rests on his bed and usually reads his book while I’m at his desk. When I’m finished up, I would bring my things together and leave without even batting an eye, and he would still continue reading what he laid his eyes on. But I like goodbyes. Then I at least know he knew I was there.

I stuffed all the papers that I had into my backpack and turn around to look at him. He must be reading that drawing book that he talked about at school earlier. That means he's researching and probably won't notice me. But when he does look at me, he gives me a smirk in return for my smile. I can tell his research has been successful so far by the confident smirk on his face.

“I better head home, my folks don’t like it when I’m out late. Thanks for your help, again. Sorry if I’m interrupting your research.” I gesture toward the book.

"Eh, it’s no trouble." His attention goes back to his research.

"Okay then... Bye Sky.” I look away and proceed to leave.

"Hm," he utters quickly. I started to feel bad. If he is really that concentrated, he wouldn’t say a thing, except anything that’s sound-related. I start to regret asking for his help. His mother is downstairs making dinner. She is really nice, especially back when Sky used to tease me a lot.

"Thanks for stopping by! It's always to pleasure to have you visit, Vapor," she calls from the kitchen.

"Thanks. I love visiting," I reply with as much enthusiasm I can manage. To bad Sky wouldn’t say that to me. I’d love to hear that from him.

"Come back any time. I love having you over, and you being a nice girl instead of a smelly boy is just a perk," she jokes.

I laugh a little and close the door. Irrational jealousy sparks in my heart. I will bet from dollars to donuts that his friends are much closer to Sky. I have a feeling that he speaks to them accompanied by a smile and often says that he enjoys spending time with them. The feeling wears off slightly when I get home.

"How's Sky doing?" my mom asks me. Although Sky isn’t her most favourite person, she loves his parents. As long as they're home, she has nothing to worry about. She seems to see Sky as a troubled boy because his mom and dad did whatever they could to help and spend more time with him. That's how she thinks anyway.

"Uh… I don't know. We don’t really talk while I’m working, only if I have a question.”

"Hm," my mom replies disapprovingly, "It’s a little odd for a boy his age to not talk for over an hour with a pretty girl near him. It scares me a little. But he does help you with your homework so I suppose there’s nothing to worry about.”

That's how it is. My mother thinks Sky will do something weird like make a move on me or something. I don't know either way. Although, I wouldn't mind if he did... After finishing school, you would have a choice: to make a big change, or stay who you are. For me, it was the latter. I really had no clue how or when Sky would change years from now, but it would be nice to see. Back when we were still teenagers, I would often spend too much time staring outside my window. Sky's bedroom window was across from mine. If the blinds are open, I can see him. I spent most of the time wondering what was going on in his mind. Things have changed since then. Sort of. I needed to work off the habit of looking out my window whenever I see someone or something in that room of his. The urge is too strong this time.

Secretly, I raised my blinds enough to the point where I could see his window. Surprisingly, his blinds are completely open. Weird, they weren’t when I was there. And just as I expected, he’s talking to someone again. He looks angry, but it is clear that he is talking to him again. Half of me is overjoyed that he still uses that bear as his connection to the feelings he has, partly because it’s the thing that only I am aware of at this point in time. It was like he was speaking to his imaginary friend or something of that matter. But then again… perhaps he doesn’t really have anyone to talk to when he’s upset half the time. Or maybe he doesn't like making others worry about him. I really wish that he would just talk to me, even if it was just for five minutes. I’m well aware of the fact that he doesn’t have any friends, at least until recently. I was the first kid to speak to him on a regular day-to-day basis, at best. I just wish that I knew whether or not I meant something to him, because it matters the whole world to me.

The window in his room wasn’t open from what I could tell, so looking at him for more than a few minutes would be meaningless. I'm not going to get anything out of it. I know something about him he doesn’t think I know. Should I tell him? I don’t want him to be embarrassed… Or he might claim that he’s fine. But there is some reason he's talking to that bear again. I need to figure out what. The Sky that I knew and like is certainly not being himself, and nobody seems caring enough to help. During the night, I kept tossing and turning, doing whatever I could to find a way to help him with his dilemma. Nothing came to me. Sky just doesn't do that. He was speaking to him like they were best friends from what I’ve seen, and they seemed inseparable when we were growing up. He would often speak to it and was annoyed with it more times than I could count. But he doesn’t understand that I didn’t see it the same way that he did. They were like brothers to each other and were like peanut butter and jelly put together. I've never liked the peanut butter and jelly analogy. It's overused and too simple to figure out.

But anyway, I decided to myself that the only way to get him to ‘fess up’ is not to push him to open up, but to do what I can to encourage him to willingly vent it out instead. When I'm able to talk to him again, I’m gonna talk to him. I don't want him to see me the same way that he did when we were kids.

. . .

The next morning, I got out of my bed and hopped into the shower. After that, I got dressed and had breakfast. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I say my goodbyes to my parents and walked towards the bus stop.

Today would be the day that I help him, The day that I would try and help him vent out his frustrations, the day that I spend the entire day with him without fail. I saw him and a few of other people talking to him so I waited until they were done. I followed him without being seen. Finally I see him walking to our bus by himself.