I. Of Friends and Sisters
She ignored the first set of knocks. And the second. They'll get the message, surely.
The fifty-seventh and fifty-eighth, however, were rather insistent. Or not.
On the fifty-ninth, she looked at the clock sitting on the table beside her bed and sighed loudly enough to startle some of her more timid animals. Fluttershy crawled languidly out from under the covers, yawning as she did so, grabbed her robe from where she'd perched it earlier over a stool and headed downstairs whilst fastening it around herself hurriedly. Small critters of various species looked at her intently, alarmed by the unaccustomed look of displeasure darkening her muzzle. Wisely, they kept out of her way as she approached the door, lighting a candle that sat on a chest of drawers in the hallway to provide some illumination on things.
Fluttershy got the impression that hoping for anything right now was probably futile, but she did so, anyway; wishing for things without any kind of a reward had – up until recently, that is – been something of her lot in life, though she liked to think that she was now on the right path to correcting her earlier unassertive behaviour. She blinked several times in quick succession, feeling her eyelids growing markedly heavier after each one, in the fruitless belief that the prismatic-maned pegasus with the cyan coat darkening her doorway would either turn out to be a product of her sleep-deprived imagination or, better yet, be real, but get the hint that now was not a good time for a chat.
It seemed that Rainbow Dash, unfortunately, was determined to stay resolutely put until she was invited inside. Or doomsday. Whichever came first. From her rather fretful, fidgety demeanour, Fluttershy knew that something was bothering her, and she immediately felt bad for having wanted rid of her friend. “Won't you come in?” she eventually said as politely as she could, gesturing to the cottage's interior with a hoof. While waiting for an answer, she rubbed at the heavy gunk forming a filmy layer over her eyes to try and clear away the worst of it.
At least Rainbow Dash had the good sense to be abashed at her unannounced arrival so late at night; she grimaced slightly at Fluttershy's dishevelled appearance, realising that, as Rarity would no doubt say, There's a difference between an imposition and outright rudeness. Still, in Rainbow Dash's opinion, the random tufts of Fluttershy's mane and tail that shot out in every conceivable direction was actually a good look for her, though she doubted that she'd be able to convince her to try it out for a few days. She struck at the welcoming mat with her foreleg. “I'm really sorry about this, but uh, I didn't want to wait until the morning to speak to anypony. I just kept tossing and turning in bed, feeling like my head was going to explode unless I got it all out somehow.” Rainbow Dash smiled anxiously. “Anyway, to cut a long story short, yours was the first name that I thought of when I realised that I needed help.”
The flattery helped Fluttershy to forget her cross mood, and she felt the ghost of a smile begin to form at the corners of her muzzle. She did her best to push aside the rest of her irritation. It was easy for her and the others to forget sometimes that, just as Pinkie Pie couldn't help being Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash could not help being Rainbow Dash. Sure, she could be something of an insensitive jerk at times – that said, she had definitely gotten a lot better about her indifference to anything that didn't immediately concern her over the years – but she wasn't in the habit of waking ponies up in the middle of the night without having a darned good reason.
Briefly, Fluttershy's mind flicked back to the events of the opening day of cider season and she amended that little thought to: without having a darned good reason MOST of the time.
Shuffling slightly to one side, tightening her gown against the cool breeze that whistled through Ponyville as she did so, Fluttershy gestured toward the cosy living room of her home.
Wiping her hooves on the doormat – there was, after all, only so much impoliteness one pony should have to stand for in one evening – Rainbow Dash cast her cerise eyes about the hallway as she stepped inside; the flickering amber glow from the candle that Fluttershy had lit cast some rather alarming shadows as the creatures of the night infesting the house made their skittering way about, giving her a moment's pause as she passed through it. The living room was equally as ill-lit, and Rainbow Dash let out a yelp of irritation as she smacked her head into something low-hanging and solid.
It turned out to be a tree-house.
“Aren't those supposed to be, y'know, outside?” asked Rainbow Dash in annoyance, rolling her eyes in the direction of the offending item whilst rubbing her bruised forehead gingerly.
“I was mending it,” Fluttershy said lamely, though she had to cover her mouth with a hoof to stifle a giggle. Lighting a couple of additional lanterns added a welcoming warmth and it suffused the already snug room. “Sit, please,” she said to Rainbow Dash, indicating the sofa. “Would you like something to drink? Twilight brought back a new blend of tea from the Crystal Empire. It's supposed to be good for soothing frayed nerves.”
Thinking for a moment, Rainbow Dash shook her head quickly. “No thanks, I'm good.”
Fluttershy sat opposite Rainbow Dash, studying her pensive expression as best she could in the soft orange light; if she had been an animal in her care, she had no doubt that she would have been able to figure out what was bothering her no problem, but ponies were significantly more complex creatures and their conflicting behaviours made them difficult for Fluttershy to understand at the best of times. When it was Rainbow Dash, it was nigh-impossible. Oh, you would certainly know all about it if she was excited, but the other emotional states – the ones that she kept hidden and liked to pretend that she didn't have – were a mite trickier to discern.
Silence reigned.
Smoothing down her mane just to give herself something to do, Fluttershy studied Rainbow Dash's eyes, the way she fiddled with her hooves, the way she let her hindlegs listlessly droop. “So. What did you want to talk about, Rainbow Dash?” she finally asked when she realised that her friend was not going to open the talking despite having been the one who'd flown all the way from home to consult with her.
All of a sudden, Rainbow Dash had difficulty maintaining eye-contact with Fluttershy; she suddenly found the floorboards and their patterns of swirling striations incredibly interesting, and she focused on them whilst bumping the hooves of her forelegs together. Words and feelings, and all that stuff. So not my scene! How? How do I put this so that she understands just what in the heck I'm talking about? “Um, you remember that camping trip I went on with Applejack, Rarity and their sisters a while back?”
“I remember,” replied Fluttershy, inclining her head slowly. She had to be careful because, every time she felt her head leaning forward, tiredness threatened to overwhelm her.
“Well-” Rainbow Dash's hoof wavered uncertainly in the air as she recalled what had happened “-on the way to Winsome Falls, Scootaloo let it slip that … um, she thinks of me as a big sister figure, basically.”
“That's good, isn't it?” Fluttershy said, suddenly alerted back into full wakefulness by this development. Up until recently, most ponies would have characterised Rainbow Dash as lacking in sentimentality, but her experiences with Tank had betrayed a strong streak of compassion that was not always so evident to those who did not know her well. That said, there was a world of difference between an elderly turtle who had shown a remarkable knack for loyalty – something that Rainbow Dash prized above all else – and a young filly who was just beginning to find her way in the world. “You must've been really happy when she told you that.”
“Sure, it's great,” replied Rainbow Dash, somewhat absently. Off Fluttershy's look, she hastily added, “No, really, it is. I'm not being flippant for once. It's just that-” she let out a slow breath, meeting her friend's eyes, her own growing moist “-I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do about it, you know? Scootaloo's a great kid. Funny, brave, talented, smart – way smarter than I am, anyway – and I want to give her all the help that I can.”
“But?”
“But … what do I know about being anypony's sister?” asked Rainbow Dash plaintively, her voice cracking just that much more than it normally did as she allowed some of her more deeply-buried feelings to come to the surface. Only in Fluttershy's presence did she feel comfortable doing this, knowing that she would never mock or belittle her for it. “She reminds me so much of myself at that age: convinced that she can see her way through any problem with enough speed. No matter what her dreams are, whether they ultimately involve flying or not, I want to be there when she realises them. I want to play a part in her achieving them.” She flashed Fluttershy a morose look. “I wish I knew what the right thing to do is.”
Keeping her vivid blue eyes trained on Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy leaned forward and spoke seriously, “Sisterhood is a sacred bond, and it's not one that should be entered into lightly because it's not so easily broken, Rainbow Dash. It would mean that, forever and ever, you and Scootaloo would hold a very dear place in each other's hearts. If you think of the friendships between ourselves and the others as deep, then sisterhood is on a whole other level to that.”
“Deeper than friendship?” A curious expression crossed Rainbow Dash's muzzle as she pondered that one; to her way of thinking, the relationships that had grown between herself, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle and the others were already plenty intense. It was difficult – and slightly terrifying – to imagine that there could be something else, a bond that was even more solemn. She was unaccustomed to feeling fear, or at least consciously admitting to experiencing it from time-to-time, but she felt it now. What if I screw things up and let Scootaloo down?
“I didn't mean to frighten you,” Fluttershy said with a small smile as she got her own thoughts in order, watching the play of emotions across Rainbow Dash's face. “Occasionally, having a sister means that they'll drive you crazy. They'll make you want to tear your mane out in frustration. But, more than any other pony in the world, they'll be there for you. They'll pick you up when you're down and they'll make you feel as though you're a giant when you're up. They'll … inspire you in ways that you can scarcely imagine. They'll make you want to become the pony that you've always wanted to be.”
“I can do inspirational, at least,” Rainbow Dash said flatly, unsure as to when she'd ever heard Fluttershy speaking so passionately on a subject that had nothing to do with animals. She rubbed the back of her neck anxiously, wishing desperately that her much-needed clarity was at hoof, but instead all she felt was even more mired in the mud. The job of being a big sister had a lot of responsibility attached to it, and she did not think of herself as being the right pony for it. There's so much that I still have to learn, how can I possibly teach somepony else? I just don't think I'm ready – or if I ever will be – for that kind of pressure.
Her eyes glittering warmly in the lantern light, Fluttershy seemed to be somewhere else entirely as she said, “If you agree to this, Scootaloo will be looking to you for guidance about everything. Not just when it comes to flying, or the Wonderbolts, or where you can get the best hayfries in Equestria.” She shot her friend a lopsided grin. “Young ponies often look to their older siblings for advice about … well, life, in general.”
“Not their parents?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Parents, um, tend to sugarcoat things. Siblings, however, will give you the full, unvarnished truth about everything.”
“Everything. Like, uh, you know?”
“Mm-hm.”
“Ugh. That definitely isn't my style at all.” Rainbow Dash made a disgusted face and stuck her tongue out in obvious distaste at what she was being asked to – potentially – do. “And I don't even get hazard pay?”
This time, Fluttershy was unable to suppress her giggle and she laughed heartily into her hoof for a moment, sleepiness fuelling her mirth. Once recovered, she said, “You're being silly. If you want my honest opinion, Scootaloo couldn't have made a finer choice in selecting you as a big sister, and if you accepted her offer you'd be terrific at it.”
“How can you be so sure about that?” Rainbow Dash asked, her muzzle contorting into a frown as she fought off the sigh that threatened to escape her. “It's … to me, it's like the Sonic Rainboom all over again. I should be able to do it. I mean, it's definitely, technically possible, but I don't always get it right, even when I practice.” She looked at Fluttershy intensely, hoof dangling in the air. “It's like something's missing.”
Leaning forward again, Fluttershy stroked Rainbow Dash's cheek. It was so unlike her friend to have all this doubt and uncertainty clouding her judgement; she was so used to always knowing what she wanted to do, even if it was ultimately the wrong thing. She felt a heaviness in her heart, wishing that she could do something to make Rainbow Dash see just how right this would be for her. “I can be so sure because … over the years, you've been a great sister to me.”
Rainbow Dash made a face and Fluttershy promptly shut her eyes, wishing that she could take back the words. “Fluttershy-”
“-Oh, Celestia, I'm so sorry,” said Fluttershy quickly, shrinking back against her chair and studiously avoiding Rainbow Dash's piercing gaze. “That was … that was incredibly dumb. I don't know why I said that. I'm so, so sorry.” Her cheeks flushed brightly enough that the crimson hue was visible even in the low candlelight. Apologies continued to issue forth until she got herself back under some kind of control. “I didn't mean to embarrass you just now, Rainbow Dash. Just trust me when I say that, should you accept Scootaloo as your little sister, she couldn't ask for a better pony to learn from.” She hoped that the conversation would end now and that Rainbow Dash would leave, and that they would never, ever speak of this night again.
Once again, it was not to be her night when it came to wishing for things.
“You-” Rainbow Dash hesitated, swallowing slowly “-uh, you see me as a sister, too?”
The red tint to her coat intensified; Fluttershy wanted to run or fly as far away as she could, but she felt rooted to the spot by huge chains made from her own idiocy. Finally, she nodded slowly. Well, it was pointless trying to retract what she'd said now, wasn't it?
Long moments passed before Rainbow Dash felt able to work her throat again; she found herself in a rather odd position, having gone – in the space of just a few short days – from having no sisters to suddenly finding herself with two of them. Am I that much of a moron that I just don't ever notice these things, or is everypony really, really good at hiding things from me? “Um, Fluttershy-”
“-Look, I totally get that you don't feel the same way as I do about this, and that's okay,” Fluttershy said hurriedly, desperate to ward off any further chagrin. Looking at Rainbow Dash through half-lidded eyes, she added, “This is just my perspective on things. Ever since we were fillies, ever since we first met at flight school, you've always been there for me whenever I've needed you. You protected me from the bullies, you looked after me when I was sad, you encouraged me to break out of my shell and become a better flier, and you inspired me to become a better friend. If it wasn't for your influence, I'd still be afraid of my own shadow, never mind dragons.” Her bangs conspired to hide her eyes at that moment. “I, um, I wouldn't have been able to go on all those adventures if it hadn't been for you being at my side.”
In the same way that clouds eventually parted to reveal the sun, in that moment Rainbow Dash's equally as obscured thoughts suddenly crystallised to reveal the self-evident truth that had been staring her in the face all these years despite her obliviousness. Fluttershy had always been there for her, too, hadn't she? Cheering her on to the best of her ability, helping her choose a pet, mending fences whenever she had a tiff with somepony, lending an ear whenever she was troubled by something. “Maybe,” she said, rubbing her chin soberly, “just maybe I do feel the same way as you, Fluttershy.”
“You don't have to say that just to make me feel better, Rainbow Dash.”
“I'm not. I'm really not,” replied Rainbow Dash. Self-doubt and panic were Fluttershy's go-to methods of building a wall between her and that which she did not wish to face; though she'd been improving over the years, it was still difficult to break her out of the habits of a lifetime. She did not intend to allow her to do so now. “I promise, I'm not lying. I just didn't see it before.”
“What d'you mean?” asked Fluttershy, dabbing at her eyes with her hooves.
Rainbow Dash's expression became thoughtful. “I came to you for advice about sisters. I could've gone to Applejack or Rarity, both of whom do have sisters that they're very close to you, but I still came to you instead of them. Maybe our special bond – if we do, indeed, have one – told me that you'd be the right pony for the job. That you would be able to offer me a more-” she tutted, scratching her nose with the tip of her wing, as she tried to find the right word.
“-An unsentimental view, perhaps?” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah, that's it,” replied Rainbow Dash, nodding eagerly. “Sure, Applejack and Rarity argue and fight with their sisters all the time, but they would've gone on for hours about just how much they loved them and how great they are all the same. You, on the other hoof-”
“-Would give you the full, unvarnished truth about everything.”
Again, Rainbow Dash nodded, smiling broadly. “Exactly!”
Fluttershy smiled thinly; part of her couldn't help but feel that Rainbow Dash was just trying to cheer her up, but wasn't that exactly what good sisters did? Rainbow Dash might've been a pony with flaws, but her heart was always in the right place, and Fluttershy could not envisage her fillyhood years without her protection and guidance. “Maybe you're right. Or maybe you simply knew that I was the only one in Ponyville who would let you in at this hour without hollering at you.”
Rainbow Dash tried and failed not to giggle at that, hiding her smirk behind her outstretched wings. “Touché,” she said, conceding Fluttershy's point. “That's the word, isn't it?”
“Mm-hm.”
“I need to stop hanging around Twilight Sparkle before I catch her … eggheadedness.” More seriously, Rainbow Dash said, “I'll probably make a lot of mistakes with Scootaloo. I might accidentally give her terrible advice, or push her into a situation that she's not ready for, or just generally screw things up for her.”
“We'll always be there to help you,” Fluttershy said earnestly. “You should definitely speak to Applejack and Rarity about their experiences, but all of us will do our best for you, Rainbow Dash.”
“Thanks, Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said, leaning forward to embrace her friend … her sister.
“You're welcome,” Fluttershy replied, returning the hug enthusiastically.
*
Rainbow Dash had ended up staying for another hour – finally taking Fluttershy up on her offer to try the tea – before eventually heading home to catch a quick nap before weather duty began in a few hours; Fluttershy was glad to see her leaving looking much more positive than when she'd arrived, and she confident that Rainbow Dash would, in fact, adopt Scootaloo as her little sister.
For her own part, Fluttershy suddenly found herself unable – or at least, unwilling to sleep – and was soon drawn to an old, battered oak chest that habitually sat at the back of her cupboard. So nondescript was it, so often was it hidden by books, clothes, games and the mounds of animal-related paraphernalia that habitually littered the cottage, that even she managed to forget about its existence sometimes.
Her talk with Rainbow Dash, however, had stirred up some old feelings; she hadn't looked inside the chest in years, but she dug it out of its little cubbyhole as patiently and as reverentially as she could manage.
Amazingly, in spite of how long it had spent forgotten and unused, Fluttershy found to her surprise that the chest opened as easily as if it were brand new; the key had settled smoothly into the lock, and the tumblers had turned with only the most delicate of clicks. Angel Bunny – asleep at the foot of the bed – was suddenly awake as he heard the latch unfasten. He eyed his owner with a pensive expression, and Fluttershy felt his tiny paws prodding insistently at her flank. The butterflies depicted there ironically matching those playing merry havoc with her stomach at the moment.
“Are you sure about this?” Angel seemed to be saying.
Stroking his raised ears, Fluttershy favoured the often-cantankerous rabbit with a reassuring smile. “It's all right. I need to do this, okay? I need to remember. I'll be fine, I promise.”
Hesitating a moment, Angel Bunny eventually nodded once, then curled himself up into a ball beside Fluttershy's tail. “I'm here for you if you need me.”
“Thank you.” Not everypony understood Angel – Fluttershy often didn't either, despite her abilities – but she knew that he was a kindly rabbit at heart, and outside of her pony friends he was probably the one being in Equestria that she felt closest to. She shook her head to clear away her stray thoughts and resettled her attention back on the chest; she winced at the sound of its creaking hinges, but Angel didn't stir, so she lifted it up the rest of the way. It sounded worse than what it was in the inky stillness of her bedroom, with only the moon and a few candles to ward off the encroaching darkness.
Fluttershy scanned the plethora of items contained within; souvenirs, mementoes, a few reminders of her home in Cloudsdale from before she'd relocated to Ponyville in order to follow her cutie mark. It took her a couple of moments to find the item that she was interested in, and she let out a reflexive sigh as she spied it and took it in her hoof.
The much-faded photograph depicted a lovely summer's day in Cloudsdale; in a park that, like much of the city's landscape, was fashioned from gossamer wisps of cloud, five figures stood next to an ice-cream stand, smiling cheesy grins for the camera. four of them pegasi and the other a rather out-of-place earth pony.
Unbidden, tears dripped down on to the photo as she locked eyes with the lanky green filly, her beaming muzzle smeared with chocolate. Though her smile was genuine, even in this moment of happiness Fluttershy could see the pain lurking in her eyes.
Though it wasn't a common occurrence, it was by no means unusual for parents belonging to one pony race to have children of another; ancestries were so mixed that there was always a recessive gene or two lurking in everypony's family tree, and it certainly made for an interesting domestic life when earth ponies suddenly found themselves raising a unicorn.
Or pegasi found themselves faced with the near-insurmountable task of trying to support an earth pony.
Her parents had done their best to make her feel at home in the clouds; it wasn't until years later that Fluttershy realised just how far they'd gone, such as finding a powerful unicorn to cast a cloudwalking spell on her and modifying the house so that there was no danger of her falling through anything accidentally. As she'd gotten older, though, it became increasingly apparent that she was not happy. They'd learned from a few experts that, deprived of their ability to roam and work the land, earth ponies quickly became restless and depressed as their innate talents went to waste.
She did not feel at home in the skies; the teasing that she received at school and around town did not help matters, and it only cemented in her parents' mind a decision that they must've known was inevitable.
It broke their hearts to do so, and she was a bit older than was ideal – ponies looking to adopt preferred younger foals, as they hadn't had much of a chance to imprint on their parents – but they found a willing foster family for her on the ground. Fluttershy hadn't understood at the time why they couldn't all just go, not able to comprehend that, for her parents and brother, a life on the surface would be as anathema to them as a life in the air was for her sister.
When she'd left with them, Fluttershy had made a solemn vow that, as soon as she was a strong enough flier to do so, she would swoop down to the farm that she had moved to and surprise her.
Fate, sadly, had other ideas.
They had received regular letters from her, some of them addressed to Fluttershy personally; she always loved hearing from her sister, especially about her reactions to the strange and often arcane customs of the ground-dwellers. She spoke with excitement about something called the Harvest Festival, an event of great significance to the earth ponies.
It was to be the last time that Fluttershy ever heard from her.
She had tried to go on with her life as best she could, but the distraction of wondering what had become of her sister had seriously interrupted her flight-training and she was soon relegated to the bottom of the class. If it hadn't been for Rainbow Dash's friendship providing some sort of lifeline, Fluttershy had no idea how she would've gotten through that time at all.
Something will come in the morning, it has to, she told herself for more than a year. Fluttershy made a noise in the back of her throat, tears welling up in her eyes as she recalled those horrible days. The imagery was still as vivid as ever, which was why she'd fought so hard to forget about this chest and its contents. So many days had been spent uselessly waiting by the mailbox.
Her parents were about the sweetest ponies alive, and they did not deal well with confrontation; Fluttershy had approached them angrily, desperate to know what had happened, but they were evasive whenever the subject was broached. They became defensive, trying to deflect her attention away, suggesting that her sister was simply too busy with the strenuous demands of a life on the ground to write home more often.
One night, Fluttershy had been unable to sleep; she could hear her parents talking in hushed whispers in the kitchen, and though she might not have been the best flier in Equestria she was certainly good at going unnoticed, and she'd been able to creep up to the door without them hearing her.
“We have to tell her some time,” her mother said.
“I know, but how? She'll be absolutely devastated,” replied her father. “She's such a sensitive soul.”
They'd wanted to wait for the best time to break the news to her. Between her falling grades, constant bullying and near-ostracisation by pegasus society, they'd never been able to bring themselves to tell Fluttershy that her sister had died in a farming accident.
The guilt had been the worst thing to deal with. The terrible thought that, if she'd just stayed in Cloudsdale, she would still be alive now.
As a result of this knowledge, Fluttershy had become even more insular and withdrawn, almost to the point of becoming a recluse; her parents had tried to encourage her, but they were dealing with their own grief, and so her scholastic failings continued until she was close to flunking out of flight school altogether.
That is, until Rainbow Dash had given her the much-needed kick in the flank that she'd needed.
She would never, ever replace her real sister, but Fluttershy treasured this surrogate who had come into her life in a burst of polychromatic fury; brash, confident and cocky, Rainbow Dash was everything that she was not, and she soon became even more than a friend. She was a salve for a wound that would never heal, something that – unknowingly – she continued to act as to this day.
Eventually, Fluttershy had found the courage to contemplate her sister's death without grief; the sadness would linger as part of her soul forever, but it was a sadness diluted by the knowledge that her spirit continued to live on in another form.
Fluttershy's worn eyes alighted upon a yearbook photo; in it, Rainbow Dash had her face pressed up against hers, pulling a silly face and grinning a goofy grin. If there was an audience, even if it was only a camera and a rather harried camerapony, Rainbow Dash would show-off for them. Fluttershy couldn't help but laugh despite the pressure that she felt building-up behind her eyes. It was just so typical of her. Quietly, she stroked the photo and tenderly said, “Please, my friend, don't ever think yourself unworthy of the great honour that Scootaloo has bestowed upon you. You are the best sister that anypony could ever ask for.”
