Super Gypsy Lord Admiral Nyronous Shachza Shouldn't Write Shipfics, Volume II

by Lord Legion

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Trixie, Spike, Comedy, King Sombra, Random, Equestria Girls, Derpy Hooves, Sex, Flash Sentry
Length: 1208

Equestria, where the friendship is magic and the romance is probably also even more magical. Well, usually. Sometimes, not so much

This story is a sequel to Super Gypsy Lord Admiral Nyronus Shachza Shouldn't Write Shipfics, Volume II

Once upon a time in a universe far, far away, two or three or five or some nonzero quantity of magic diminutive horses came together and fell in love and then unfortunately produced offspring who chronicled the way in which their parents met.

Trigger warnings: A Bronycon Collaborative fiction between [urlAdmiral]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/72053/Admiral+Biscuit]Admiral Biscuit, [urlTheGypsyBard[]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/177069/TheGypsyBard]TheGypsyBard[ /url], [urlLord]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/84272/Lord+Legion]Lord Legion, [urlNyronus[]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/27861/Nyronus]Nyronus[ /url], [urlShachza[]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/52402/Shachza]Shachza[ /url], and [urlSuper]https://www.fimfiction.net/user/116672/Super+Trampoline]Super Trampoline. We're not sorry.

Published 2017-08-19 01:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-19 01:30:06 UTC

Waifu Thief Flash Sentry and Private Eye Twilight Sparkle Meet for Coffee. Coffee Intensifies.

CHAPTER 2:
Private Eye Twilight was inside Starbuck's, drinking coffee whilst studying the various notes she had on her latest case: she was investigating the abduction of various mares from different cities all across Equestria.

And she wasn't getting anywhere.

Whoever this pony was had left not a single trace of evidence behind to go on. She knew if she couldn't figure it out, this case might go cold and hundreds of missing mares would become nothing more than faces on a milk carton.

While she was poring over what little evidence she had to go on for her case-related material, a stallion entered the coffee shop and ordered a venti latte. The stallion had a blue mane and tail with slightly dark body fur. Twilight instantly recognized the stallion as none other than Flash Sentry, a decorated royal guard.

"Hey there, Flash!" Twilight greeted him he trotted by her table.

"Hello Twilight," Flash replied. "What're you up to today?"

"I'm tits deep in an investigation regarding these mare abductions," Twilight said with disdain towards her notes.

Flash had a look of interest in his eyes that Twilight didn't see right away.

"Ooooh this sounds good. Mind if I take a look?" Flash asked after taking a sip of his coffee.

"I suppose. But I don't think you would be of much help. You don't know much about this case."

"Perhaps, perhaps not." Flash said with a grin.

Twilight cast a spell on her coffee to reheat it before taking a sip. She then passed her notes to Flash with a curious expression from his previous statement. "What makes you so sure?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, just call it a soldier's instinct," Flash said, sporting a rather of- putting grin. "You never know, the culprit you seek may be closer than you think," he finished with a wink.

Twilight looked at him curiously as he stood up and walked towards the exit.

"Hope you find who you are looking for," Flash said with a sideways grin just as he left the Starbucks.

Berry Punch and Derpy Hooves are Shmoopy Boos.

"You think it worked?"

"Shmoopy boo!"

"Ah think so-"

"Roopy goo!"

"-but ah'm not sure-"

"Oopy woo!"

"Scoots? You got a rainbow, rainbow for the potion, right?"

"Zooply foo!"

"Yeah! You were there, Sweetie! You saw me get it! What about you-"

"Kooply troo!"

"-Sweetie? Did you get the right feather?"

"Hoopy soo!"

"Of course I did!"

"Tooty coo!"

"But-but-but, they look all broken-like."

"Quoopy Eoo!"

"It's Derpy and Berry, Applebloom, how can you tell?"

"Goopy xoo!"

"That's mean, Scoots!"

"Booply vroo!"

"Uhhhh, girls. Ah don' think our sisters want us to see this."

"Snookly yoo!"

"Yeah... This is probably what Rarity wants me to be older to know."

"Fyoopy hoo!"

"And we should probably double-check that love potion formula before giving it to Big Mac and Miss Cherilee."

The girls skedaddled, leaving a certain blonde-and-gray pegasus and one pink pink and lavender earth pony, who was totally not that wasted on the CMC's love juice, to pitch each other into a nearby flowerbed. Hooves roamed, mouths... also roamed, and- What're you still doing here? You're not supposed to be watching... whatever it was that two potentially-consenting adult mares get up to on their own time!

The Great and Powerful Tristan had Spikemare at "Neigh"

CHAPTER 1:
Oh Spike, you magnificent bastard. Look at you! You're amazing. Incredible. Alluring, and so, so, bad. Please frolic me silly.

"Excuse me? You dare disturb my lair so you can ask for...sex?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough. With some alternative hair styling I suppose you can pass for Rarity."

"Sweet! I'll get the aphrodesiac and the dil..."

"No, no, that won't be necessary. I... uh... shoot, look, I'm sorry, I'm just... I just got all evil, and then ponies start avoiding me. Like, Twilight goes away for a week on vacation, and then next thing you know I'm enmeshed in the dark arts and summoning demons from the great beyond. And now I'm an evil nightmare-ish figure, or well, I'm supposed to be, but like, I can't do this evil thing too well. Like, you know, I went through the whole greed thing a few years ago, and I feel like if I hadn't, the nightmare in me would have exploited that, but I did, and now you know, the whole thing just feels blasé. So here I am, a fifty foot monstrosity holed up in this crystal castle with a bunch of books, but everypony is afraid of me, so I sit alone on my hoard of knowledge. But what good is all the knowledge in the world, if you don't have friends to share it with?"

Tristan was taken aback. "I, uh... I mean, the great and power Trix...er... Tristan! Well, originally Tristan was going to come ask If Twilight knew any spells to switch back back the uh... effects of this poison joke. But then Tristan figured, as long as Tristan has this dongle, might as well try it out, right?"

Spikemare blushed. "Well, I just appreciate you visiting. But I must ask: How on Equis did you know know Twilight was on vacation and I had turned into a Spikemare?"

"Oh, no, I've been in my wagon bonking Starlight all week."

King Sombra, Resurrected. Mrs. Cake. Slap, Slap, Kiss.

CHAPTER 4
"Rise, master, rise." The circle of cultists chanted in unison.

Inside the center of the circle safely constrained by ancient runes and cabalistic symbols, the small shattered fragments of King Sombra's horn started twitching and glowing, responding to the Pony Latin chants.

The cultists started chanting louder, encouraged by the thin tendrils of magic slowly twining from them into the horn. The lines thickened, thickened, and then, suddenly and without warning, a beam of light shot out of everypony's chest, feeding into the center of the summoning circle.

Now the cultists tried to back off, now they realized the folly of their ways, but it was too late. What that had started to summon could not be unsummoned.

They all collapsed into a pile, unable to stop their fate. Even that did not end the merciless flow of magic, and as King Sombra finally coalesced into pony form and rose, he was surrounded by a ring of desiccated pony skeletons, each covered with a cultist's robe.

"Crystalssssssssss," he hissed, boldly stepping out of the summoning circle.

A Few Days Later

Sombra sat hunched over the table at Sugarcube Corner. He was the only pony there.

He'd been feeling a lot better lately. He'd found enough crystals to keep him going for quite some time, and he was feeling mostly alive.

"Are you done with that coffee?" Mrs. Cake reached in and tried to take it, and King SOmbra slapped her.

"Ooh, aren't you a feisty one?" Mrs. Cake tittered, leaning a bit clower to him.

Sombra finished his coffee and slapped here agin.

Without further prompting, Mrs. Cake leaned down and pressed her lips against his.

"We love a stallion who knows how to play rough," she whispered huskily into his ear. "Want to come downstairs with me and Mr. Cake?"