Crazy's Crazy Life

by Comrade Bagel Muffin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Bat Pony, Comedy, Royal Guard, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 2775

More storyies of Crazy Pyromaniac's fun and exciting life.

Crazy loves his new life in Ponyville. He has new friends, a new family, everyday is an adventure. Truly nothing boring ever happens in Ponyville.

New Cover will be posted as soon as it is finished.

Sequel to Life is Fun When Your Crazy

Published 2017-09-10 05:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-09 02:15:34 UTC

Flash Bombs Aren't Stealthy

Crazy stayed low to the ground. Silence and surprise were key to his success. He knew that he was out numbered and outmatched, and the only way for him to succeed was to be quick precise, and above all sneaking. To this strategically strategic plan Crazy slowly made his way across the living room. Crouching as close to the floor as possible. He had spent days planning this tactically well planned plan, which was very well planned. The kitchen was in sight already he could smell his prize. Unfortunately his opposition had gathered in the kitchen three well trained guard ponies pegasi stood between him and his goal. Crazy gulped as he slowly moved toward the kitchen. He was half way there when one of the guards looked up at from the plate full of delectable, tasty, Saturday morning chocolate chip cookies. Their eyes met and locked. His cover was blown.

"Hey there Crazy wasn't expecting you to be up this early." Duty Bound's eyes were drawn to the small black cylinder in the colt's forehooves. Crazy slowly pulled his head back from the cylinder, taking with it the detonation pin. "Crazy what did you just-"

"Fire in the hole!" Crazy threw the cylinder into the kitchen and closed his eyes as he charged in. The flash bomb went off. There with a whole lot of flash and a whole bunch of boom. Crazy followed his nose to the plate with the goodies. "Grab the Cookies and run!" He charged back through the living room and out the front door.

"Dang it Crazy!" Winged shield rubbed his eyes.

"I don't thing it was Crazy." Loyal Heart's eyes followed all of the spots that floated in his vision.

"And what makes you say that?"

"Crazy can't teleport."

"He didn't teleport Loyal Heart, that was a flash bomb."

"And he is going to be in so much trouble when he, when I get a hold of him."

"Yes well this time try not to flood the living room. Seriously, chasing him inside the barracks with the garden hose on, you're just as bad as he is, Winged." Duty Bound smirked as he rubbed the last few flying dots out of his eyes.

"I-I uhn"

"Well let's go figure out where he ran off to."

***

Crazy had run as fast and hard as he could straight to his super secret hiding spot. He quickly climbed up the tree in the Ponyville park. with his plate of pilfered treats. He finally lay down on one of the main branches and put the plate of cookies on his stomach. He could have sworn that there were more cookies on the plate from when he grabbed it to now. "Huh I guess some of the birds grabbed them." Crazy took one of the gooey chocolate chip cookies and tossed it in to his mouth savoring the chocolaty goodness. Chocolate chip cookies were the best. All in all stealth mission: Get The Chocolate Chip Cookies And Get Out And Get To Super Secret Mega Awesome Hiding Place In Ponyville Park To Eat Them, was a complete success. Crazy nodded as he ate another Cookie. He liked the names to all his super awesome and important plans, but he had truly out done himself this time.

"Crazy get out of that tree right now!" Winged Shield ordered, Crazy froze he knew that the Winged was bluffing surely there was no way that they knew where his mega ultra super duper secret hiding place was.

"Come on crazy you know you aren't suppose to climb the trees in the park," Duty Bound called up as well.

"Uh, Crazies not here. This is just you local Ponyville park squirrel."

"Crazy we know that your up there we followed the cookie trail you left from the house all the way over here."

"Huh no you didn't, but I'm just a squirrel so I wouldn't know about that."

"Your speaking pretty good Equestrian for a squirrel."

"Crazy get down now,"

"Never!"

"Alright Crazy that's it I'm going to soak you, you little runt." Winged Shield flew off and grabbed a cloud.

"Your words don't scare me the Evil Hose can't get me up here."

"I'm a pegasus Crazy I don't need a hose."

"Wait Winged you'll-" Duty Bound was cut off by a loud crackling of thunder as the white cloud turned gray and poured out a massive down pour. "ruin the cookies." Duty groaned as Crazy shrieked. "Well at least it's not the living room this time."

"What'd I miss?" Loyal Heart wiped the remaining cookie crumbs and chocolate off of his face as a soaking wet colt fell out of the tree.

"You didn't eat all of those cookies off the ground did you?"

"Well I didn't want them to go to waist."

Some R&R&C

The three pegasi guards escorted the soaking colt back to their home. Once they got back Duty Bound grabbed the towel that he kept just inside the front door for just such occasions. Fortunately the sun had been strong enough to dry the pouting colt out some on they're way back.

"Here you go Crazy Go ahead and get yourself dried off before you catch a cold." He throw the towel over Crazy's head.

"Hee, yeah sorry for over doing it a bit." Winged Shield started drying the colt off with the towel.

"Who cares about a cold. All the cookies have been ruined." He pointed an accusatory hoof at Winged Shield. "Apologize to the cookies."

"I'm sorry cookies," Loyal Heart began. "But you just looked so taste and it felt so wrong to just leave you there on the ground like that."

"Relax Crazy, Duty's going to make some more chocolate chip's okay."

"What, why do I have to make them again, your the one that drenched them!"

"Hey, why is it that Loyal Heart cooks everything, but the cookies?"

"Because Loyal Heart always eats the cookie dough and it never even makes it to the oven."

"Yep, cookie dough is the best."

"Don't you worry Crazy, I'll make the cookies. After all I AM The fun one."

"I thought I was the Fun One."

"You're the screwy one, Loyal."

"I thought I was the screwy one."

"Crazy you're in a league all your own," Duty said as the four of them went inside.

Things Start Getting Batty

Crazy slowly made his way down the stairs, in his blue pajamas with exploding fireworks. It was really, really late and the guard ponies were asleep, but he was thirsty, and really need a glass of milk. Normally this would have been a real problem given that there were so many monsters that came out at night. However, Crazy had brought a flashlight with him. He normally would have used his magic candles, which were absolutely guarantied to keep all of the monsters away, but the guards had taken all of his things after the accident last week. It wasn't his fault though. Seriously how was he suppose to know that the timer was upside down, and instead of 5 minutes it was actually 2 seconds. Anypony could have made that mistake. Crazy was sure to jump over the last 2 steps because they'd let all the monsters know where he was.

As soon as his hooves hit the floor he bolted making a mad dash to the lamp. The light came on with a click banishing all the bad ghost monsters. Crazy sat down in the safety of the lamp light. All that was left was to run to the kitchen and open the refrigerator, and hope that the fairies that turned on the refrigerator light were awake this late at night. Fortunately they were and the second he opened the refrigerator door the whole kitchen filled with light. He chugged down a small glass of milk and turned on his flash light before closing the refrigerator door and quickly making his way back to the living room.

Suddenly the door nob started shacking. Crazy froze in place. Something was at the door. "D-Don't c-come in I-I have a flashlight." The door opened. The monster was easily twice as tall as he was, with slitted yellow eyes. "Eeep." The flash light fell to the floor just as two wings unfurled and the creature lunged at him squealing. "AAHHHH!"

"Crazy, it's 2am what in Equestria are you doing!" Winged Shield flew down the stairs spear in hoof.

"I'm to scared of the dark to be a Vampony!" Crazy cried as he continued to struggle. He had kept the Vampony from biting his neck and it was instead content to nuzzling his cheek and squeaking. wait what? Crazy suddenly stopped struggling. "Uh Ms.Vampony ma'am not telling you how to do you, but aren't you supposed to be trying to bite my neck?"

"He's so CUTE!" The strange Vampony continued to nuzzle Crazy's face.

"Corporal Batty I take it? Your insanely early you were suppose to be here at 2pm"

"There's a 2pm?" She asked still nuzzling Crazy.

"Batty put Crazy down, Crazy go to bed. Batty do what ever just do it quietly until Duty Bound gets back." Batty let Crazy go and waved to him. Crazy waved back, concluding that she was a nice Vampony. Still he'd have to change his PJs.

Author's Note

Sorry it took so long but I saw that I screwed up on the POV, but its fixed now, so please comment and thumbs up. :rainbowkiss:

Family Project

Crazy Pyromaniac skipped home from school, Ms. Batty was walking next to him. He was a little concerned that she'd burst into flames what with it being a very sunny, and she was a vampony. She said she wasn't and said that she was something called a Thestral, Ms. Cheerilee was also in on the conspiracy, say that they were more commonly called bat ponies. Button Mash and Rumble thought that she was a glittering vampony, but that was a stupid idea, glittering vamponies, who would even think of that. They said that they read it some where they must have been kidding with him.

"You seem happy Crazy, did you have a good day?"

"Yes, I got to paint in class and make a macaroni art!" He said. "And during recess I played tag with Rumble and Button Mash, and then I detonated 2 full buckets of azidotetrazolate." He smiled. "And then Ms. Cheerilee was so happy with me I could stay home tomorrow and she'd come over to see my project from home!" Crazy cheered.

"That's wonderful!" Batty smiled. "What's ah azit-azhi-az, whatever you said.

"It's the most explosive chemical on Equus!"

"Oh." She paused as crazy continued to skip marrily into the house to tell the gaurd ponies about how impressed Cherrilee was.

***

Crazy was working on his presentation in his room the guard ponies said that he wasn't allowed to leave his room until Ms. Cheerilee came. Which was okay because he needed all of the time he could get to do his project. The guard ponies were supper helpful they got all of his toys and firecrackers out of his room so that her could focus on doing his work, he was supper duper lucky to have guardians like them. They said that he was grounded. Which was silly. Of course he was grounded he was an earth pony after all. He was glad that Ms. Cheerilee was coming over because clearly the guard ponies needed to have class with him too. Crazy worked diligently on his project switching through as many crayons as he could. This was another benefit of working from home. At school he could only use pencils to do his work but here he had all of his crayons. He'd give Ms. Cheerilee the best Family Day Project she'd ever seen then she'd let him take his crayons to school. Or better yet she'd move school to his room then even Diamond Tiara would have to be nice to him.

"Crazy your teachers here." Crazy looked up from his project. Ms. Batty had come to get him.

"Just in time. I just got done come on come on!" He grabbed his stuff and ran down stairs. Cheerilee and the guards were sitting at the table. They all looked a little upset at him. "I finished my project." He climbed onto the counter.

"Crazy." Cheerilee began.

"It's okay Ms. Cheerilee I know what to do." He said as batty joined the rest of the guard ponies. "Hello class. My name is Crazy Pyromaniac, and this is my family day presentation!" He smiled. "I live with three Pegasus ponies, and one vampony named Ms. Batty!" He held up a picture. "They'r like my dads! Sometimes like my Uncles. and Ms. Batty is like my mom! I live with them in Ponyville. I moved here after the nice pony with the pretty hair and the sun on her butt told me to come here." Crazy continued giving his speech. It was the best project he ever did even if he stuttered a lot and forgot his lines so had to read straight from the paper.

When he looked up though Loyal Heart and Batty were crying. Duty Bound and Winged Shield both looked sad too. "Was it that bad?" Crazy asked.

"It was beautiful Loyal Heart grabbed Crazy and started hugging him.

Author's Note

a bit more touchy feely but eh.

Crazy House

Crazy woke up and hopped out of bed. The sun was still down and wouldn't be up for another thirty minutes. He was trying to get up earlier than he used to. Because Batty was narcotic, nociceptive, she sleeped during the day and was awake during the night. And so he could only spend time with her during the early morning and late in the evening. He liked spending time with Batty because she was fun. She was even more fun now that he knew that she wasn't going to suck his blood. He knew that she wasn't going to suck his blood because she was trying to suck Duty Bound's blood. Normally through his cheeks or lips.

"Hello Ms.Batty good morning." Crazy jumped down the last couple of steps, and ran into the kitchen.

"Crazy." Batty picked the little colt up and spun him around before pulling him into a tight hug. "Here you go some good and wholesome breakfast, eat up." Batty put him down and put a place of buttered waffles lathered liberally in syrup. "Eat up Crazy."

"Thank you Ms. Batty." Crazy starting eating his delicious breakfast. "Hey Ms. Batty is Mr. Duty Bound sleeping a lot because you keep sucking on him?" Batty's face went bright red. "I mean you keep sucking a lot of blood from his lips and cheeks and he's been getting sleepier and sleepier during the day. I'm just asking if your taking to much? And if he's going to be come a vampony too."

"Uh Crazy She's not sucking his blood, she's kissing him." Winged Shield walked into the kitchen Loyal Heart right behind him.

"Ew why would they kiss that's how you get cuddies."

"That's not how they're getting their cuddies." Batty threw a waffle at Winged Shield, hitting him square in the face.

"Don't talk like that around the cute little pony. Big mean guard." Batty put her wings over Crazy's ears. "He's a good little pony and cute, and you don't need to say things like that in front of him.

"He's not a little foal."

"You're right he's a little colt." Batty stuck out her tongue.

"She's right Crazy is a little colt. Now I'm ready for my breakfast to Batty." Loyal opened his mouth. Batty grabbed a waffle with a hoof, and tossed it into his mouth.

"Now Crazy I know it sounds weird, but I'll explain it to you when your older. Also I'm not a vampony, I'm a bat pony I eat food just like any other pony with a spoon." Winged Shield rolled his eyes. "And you should never be a big stinky head like Winged when you grow up. Also I think you should sleep in a bit longer, I like spending time with you to but I can stay up later you need to focus on school. And lastly Crazy, you need to hear this too Loyal, there's no such thing as cuddies."

"You're wings are still over his ears Batty." Winged took a big bite out of his waffle.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" Crazy asked.