The Argument

by JohnnyBookHorse

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1770

The Mane 6 have a reasonable debate.

Politics is messy. That can't be more true than in Equestrian politics. With the recent passing of a royal degree by Celestia to cut apple farm subsidiaries considerably, it has most of Equestria talking. This includes the titular elements of harmony...

Now, Twilight finds herself locked in a small argument between her friends, which slowly devolves into madness. Can she help her friends who are willing to rip each other's throats out?

(Rated Teen because of icky fictional politics and not so nice language)

WOWY WOWZERS this is really bad... I may edit and redo this...

Published 2017-09-12 06:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-12 06:20:06 UTC

The Arguement...

“Ah done said it! Ah’m pissed!” Applejack grunted as she slammed her newspaper down on the table, “This is the third damn time that the Princess has done this! It’s messin’ with ma livelihood!”

“Now now, we can be civil, Applejack,” Rarity said, filing her hoof, “These types of things happen all the time, it’ll pass shortly.”

“It ain’t gonna pass!” Applejack near shouted, angrily hitting the wooden table before her, “The last time that Celestia did this griffon shit, she didn’t bring any back until she was sure there would be a rise in cider production, just so she could tax it!”

“But it still passed, AJ,” Rainbow Dash, who was sitting across the room, looking incredibly bored, chirped, “And anyway, who cares? Don’t these sub- uh… What are they?”

“Subsidies, darling,” Rarity mused, still focused on filing her hoof.

“Uh, yeah, what Rarity said,” Rainbow Dash said, “Anyway, don’t these things just give you money for growing apples?”

“There’s more to it than that, Rainbow,” Twilight said, “Though you have the basic idea. Basically, subsidizing something means that the government helps pay for part of the production, like with the rainbows at the rainbow factory. Celestia heavily subsidizes the rainbow production.”

“Aye, an’ that’s what pisses me off!” Applejack said in a slightly quieter tone, “Celestia uses all her governmental power and throws off any potential money that can be funneled to help out growin’ my apples! Where in Equestria will you find better apples?”

“Well, to be fair darling, we DO get tired of eating apples everyday,” Rarity mused again, beginning to file the other hoof, “And again, you must not worry. I thought your farm grows other stuff.”

“We do, Rarity,” Applejack said, “But ya don’t understand! We harvest more apples every year, and with about two hundred plus acres of trees ta take care of, ya have ta understand the simple upkeep for the trees is immense! Not ta mention, the weather teams often choose to only give us some rain whenever THEY choose it!” Rainbow Dash shot Applejack a quick glance and yawned.

“Applejack,” Rarity chuckled, “You seem to not understand my point. It’ll pass in due time, these situations aren’t always permanent.”

“You wouldn’t understand this unless you actually lived and worked hard for a livin’!” Applejack spat, “Them trees is my livelihood! If I lose them, ah lose my crop, and my farm!”

“Excuse me?” Rarity questioned, snapping her gaze to Applejack, “What did you just say?”

“Ah said,” Applejack growled, “If ya actually WORKED hard for a livin’, ya’d understand my problem!”

“Oh, you filthy nag,” Rarity said angrily, “I happen to work VERY hard, little miss mud pony! I slave away with creativity to meet the ever changing fashion market! I built my business from absolute scratch, and have been able to gain so much out of pure skill! You have no right to be saying I don’t WORK HARD!”

“Rarity!” Twilight snapped, only for her call to fall on deaf ears. Applejack frowned harshly.

“Oh, look at you, little miss precious worked so hard!” Applejack sarcastically remarked, “Fabric don’t come cheap I guess? What, a whole role of that fancy silk stuff for, what, fifty bits?”

“It’s seventy five, you plonker!” Rarity snapped, “What in Equestria would you know about fabric prices?”

“Ah’ll have ya know that I don’t work on tedious fashion,” Applejack said, “Ah happen ta put my blood and sweat inta providin’ the food for yer plate!”

“Girls!” Twilight called, trying to break through the now heating argument, to no avail.

“Well, then don’t make accusations about the integrity of my work ethic, you pillock!”

“Ah’ll show you who’s a pillock-” Applejack said as she stood from her chair.

“WAIT!” Pinkie Pie screamed, seemingly appearing from the Apple House’s kitchen and silencing the two angry mares, “What are we fighting about?”

“Thank you, Pinkie…” Twilight said, “Now… Can we please settle down and be civil about this?” Rarity and Applejack both looked at Twilight, and then at each other, before gently settling back in their chairs. “Now, let’s start with this again.” She motioned to Applejack.

“Ah’m pissed off because the friggin’ government cut the subsidies towards my farm,” Applejack said, clear anger still in her voice.

“And that means that you can’t continue to grow your apples,” Pinkie Pie began to say, “And no apples means no ingredients which means no apple pies or cider which means a near shut down of the Equestrian economy which means you lose your farm and we lose our food and that means that the ponies starve and that we ALL SUFFER???”

“Something like that,” Rainbow Dash said, still uninterested.

“It’s not that severe Pinkie,” Twilight began to say, “All this means is-”

“I know what it means, Twili!” Pinkie Pie shouted, “It means that Celestia is using the money for another purpose! What could this purpose be, though?”

“Beats me,” Rainbow Dash said, “Hey, when’s Fluttershy gonna be back with the cookies?”

“She’s just using it for-” Twilight began before a hoof slapped her mouth shut.

“A personal police force!” Pinkie Pie cried out, “Just think of it, Twilight! Have you seen the disappearance of ponies we’ve met before? Trixie, for example? And what about that strange Doctor and Derpy? What about Lyra? Notice that they’re gone from the picture?”

“Ah talked with Lyra this morning, sweetie,” Applejack said, slightly confused.

“THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK!!” Pinkie Pie shouted, “That’s just what Celestia WANTS you to think you talked with! They knew too much! She’s silencing her opponents! And I know the truth!”

“Pinkie…” Rarity began to say before she, too, was silenced.

“Celestia is creating a police force to control the ponies of Equestria!” Pinkie Pie declared, “She’s trying to enslave us! We are but mere pawns in her political game of chess! Well, I for one, won’t stand for this abuse and mistreatment! I will not stand by and wait while the country we know collapses on corruption and tyranny!”

“It can’t be that bad, Pinkie…” Rainbow Dash said, “Beside, I still get to be a Wonderbolt…”

“Do not be fooled, my multicolored friend!” Pinkie Pie preached, “For they, too, will be brainwashed and used for her evil doings! Take my advice!” Pinkie Pie then shook Rainbow Dash in a dramatic way to attempt to get her point across.

“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight called, “Why would Celestia do this? She banished an evil sister to the moon, she destroyed Sombra for one thousand years, and then helped to banish Chrysalis. Who says she’s evil?”

Pinkie Pie stopped, setting a dizzy Rainbow Dash back on the chair she was on. She shrugged. Twilight then nodded and looked back at Applejack and Rarity.

“I’ll see about talking to Celestia to get the subsidies back, okay Applejack?” Applejack nodded in approval, though it was obvious she was still mad. “Well,” Twilight began, trying to change the conversation, “So, uh, how’s you girl’s relationship status?”

“Ooh!” Rainbow Dash said, hopping up out of her seat, “Soarin and I have been going very steady! We finally got to kiss a few nights ago!”

“Wait,” Rarity said, “You’ve just now had your first kiss?”

“Well, uh, no…” Rainbow Dash said, “But it was probably the best, so I’d consider it our first ‘True’ kiss.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, Dash!” Twilight said, “What about you AJ?”

“Still single, I’d presume,” Rarity sneered. Applejack’s brow furrowed.

“Just because ah’m still single doesn’t make anythin’ bad!” Applejack said defensively, “At least ah’m not whorin’ myself out to as many colts as possible!”

“Hey!” Rarity spat, “I had one fling with that Hoity Toity guy, and that’s it!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Applejack said, obviously not caring, “Just because ya can tell me about twelve different fashion designer’s sword sizes don’t make ya nothin’ special, sweetie.”

Rarity was furious by now, “Oh, little miss holy horse over here! Well, I can bet that no pony’s ever approached you and thought, ‘Gee, what would it be like to marry a pony which smells like manure?’”

“Ah’ll have ya know, pretty pussy,” Applejack angrily remarked, “Bein’ single and savin’ for marriage, because ah at least know that whoever ah end up with will be willin’ to support a family!”

“Oh, what a bold statement for a pony who spends an extra few minutes in the shower!” Rarity shouted, “But whatever you say, miss still-a-virgin!”

“Shut up, ya inner city cock magnet!” Applejack shouted, nearly flipping the table.

“At least I’m getting REAL affection, darling!” Rarity sneered, giving a crooked, yet angry, smile. “Perhaps your cousin might enjoy some company next time you see him!”

“I just-” Applejack said, as she gasped, “How DARE ya think I sleep with Braeburn!” At that time, there came a noise of Big Mac coming down the stairs.

“What the hay are y’all girls yellin’ bout?” He asked.

“Would I sleep with cousin Brae?” Applejack asked, eyes wide and full of anger. Big Mac stopped and looked at his angry sister.

“Er…” He mused, “Eeeeeeeeeeenope.” He quickly slipped up the stairs, allowing Applejack to return back to the table. Rarity burst with laughter.

“Shut yer mouth, ya cunt faced whore!” She said angrily, grabbing Rarity by her mane, “Ah ain’t gonna take ya makin’ fun of my family, ya hear?!”

“APPLEJACK!” Twilight snapped, “Let go of Rarity!” Applejack did so, and Twilight sighed. “This is ridiculous girls! What are we doing?”

“Arguing amongst ourselves, Twili! What does it look like?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. Twilight once again sighed.

“Listen, forget this ever happened,” Twilight said, “We’re done discussing this crap! You two should both be ashamed at acting so pitiful!” Applejack and Rarity held their heads low as Twilight scolded them. “It’s okay for Applejack to be single, that’s how she lives, and likewise, it’s the same with Rarity. Now, can you two please apologize?”

“Ah-” Applejack began, “Ah’m sorry, Rarity. I didn’t mean to call ya a slut…”

“Likewise, darling,” Rarity said, “That became terribly uncivilized. I do hope you forgive me for such mean behavior.”

Suddenly, the sound of a door opening drew all the girl’s attention away from the table and discussion they were having. Fluttershy stood at the door, holding a basket of cookies in her mouth.

She set the basket down and said, “Oh, well you girls must’ve had fun while I was gone.”

Author's Note

I threw this together in a single night. It's a bit hazy and rushed, but I just had to write something stupid and nonsensical. I can post a better story later.