Chapters Twilight Sparkle, mane in disarray and eyes barely half-open, trotted sleepily to the front door, head throbbing in time with the insistent knocking. It was just past sunrise—Twilight had planned on sleeping another twenty-three minutes and thirty-six seconds—and the lavender unicorn wondered just who could be pounding on her door at this hour, and what color throw pillow they wanted to be turned into.
Unsurprisingly, it was Pinkie Pie. Twilight groaned. "Pinkie, it's ear—"
"LAVENDER ROSE IS HAVING HER FOAL!" the excitable pink pony yelled.
Twilight blinked once. Then, instantly, she was wide awake. "Well why didn't you say so?" she asked.
"Um...I did?"
"Oh. Right. Gimme a sec." Twilight charged upstairs, took a few seconds to get herself in order, and wrote Spike a short note—she'd have woken him up to go along, but he was likely to just be grumpy and drag everyone down—before dashing back downstairs to join her friend. "Okay, let's go!"
A few minutes later, they arrived at the Ponyville Hospital, where a small crowd had gathered. "Wow, everypony in town is here," Twilight commented.
"Not everypony," Pinkie said. "I'd say about maybe eight percent of everypony."
Twilight rolled her eyes, then trotted up to the front door of the hospital. "Pardon me, excuse me, coming through..."
"Hey, no pushi—oh, Twilight Sparkle, excuse me," Time Turner said, making room for Twilight and Pinkie.
Twilight entered the lobby and trotted over to the reception desk. "Pardon me," she asked, "I just heard Lavender Rose is—"
"Yes, yes, the doctor said to expect you," the receptionist said. "Go right ahead."
"Thank you," Twilight replied. She and Pinkie made their way deeper into the hospital. Pinkie was vibrating with excitement. "A new foal a new foal a new foal..."
"Yes, a new foal is very exciting, but you realize how important this is, right?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah! A new foal! Lavender Rose is gonna be a mommy! I'll have to throw a new mommy party! Again!"
Twilight sighed. She drew in a breath to explain, but stopped short when she nearly bumped into a nervously pacing pegasus stallion. "Oh. We're here. Good morning, Sable Star."
The pegasus noticed them, and nodded. "Good morning, Twilight." He glanced nervously at the delivery room door, pawing at the floor with a hoof. "Do you...do you really think...?"
"The last four weren't," Twilight replied. "And the odds are...honestly not in favor of it. But..."
"Yeah, I know. Don't misunderstand, I'm just happy to be a new father," Sable said hastily. "I just..."
"I understand completely," Twilight said soothingly. "This doesn't happen every day, after all, and there's always a slight chance..."
"I know, which is why you're here," Sable said, flicking his tail and resuming his nervous pacing. "What...I mean, if it IS, then...?"
"Don't get too worked up about it yet, Sable," Twilight soothed. "Wait and see what happens first. If it is, then..."
"What're you two talking about?" Pinkie Pie asked, tilting her head curiously.
Twilight stared at her in disbelief. "You're...kidding, right?"
"Nope!"
Twilight sighed. "Of course." She drew in a breath to start to explain, when once more she was interrupted; the delivery room doors opened and the doctor emerged, eyes wide and ears twitching.
"Doctor!" Sable cried, trotting quickly to the door. "How's Lav? How's the foal? Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine. Your little filly is beautiful and healthy, and Lavender Rose is perfectly fine." The doctor hesitated.
"And...?" Sable prompted.
The doctor looked over at Twilight Sparkle and swallowed. "And I believe Miss Sparkle needs to see this foal immediately."
Twilight's eyes widened. Sable backed away a pace, one front hoof raised. "You mean—?" the nervous father asked.
The doctor nodded. "Congratulations are in order, Sable. Your daughter...is an alicorn."
* * * * *
Twilight, Sable, and Pinkie trotted quietly into the nursery and peered down at the tiny sleeping form, swaddled in pink blankets. The little foal's coat was a deep velvety red; tufts of frost-white mane and tail were just barely visible. Her horn was stubby, and though they were hidden by the blanket, she had tiny, fluffy pegasus wings which were too weak to even spread...yet. An exhausted dusky-pink unicorn mare lay beside her, nuzzling the little newborn tenderly.
"Wooooooow," Pinkie breathed as the ponies looked at the little foal.
"Isn't she amazing, dear?" Lavender Rose asked, looking up at her husband with a smile.
"She's absolutely beautiful," Sable Star breathed softly. "An alicorn...I didn't really think..."
"She's beautiful," Twilight Sparkle said, smiling. Then, her ears flattened slightly. "I need to inform Princess Celestia immediately."
"Must you?" Lavender Rose asked, wilting. "I mean, is it—"
"I understand how you feel," Twilight said sympathetically, "but you knew, when you became pregnant, there was a chance this might happen. An alicorn foal...is the most rare and unusual gift anypony could wish for, but it also requires certain...measures."
"Yes...of course," Lavender said with a sigh. "You're right, Twilight. I just..."
"Awww, don't be sad!" Pinkie said. "I'll throw you and your new foal a great big party and everypony will come, you'll see!"
Twilight smiled. "Yeah, let Pinkie throw you a big party, and leave everything else to me."
As Twilight left, Nurse Redheart asked quietly, "So, have you decided on a name yet?"
The new parents looked at one another. "Not yet, but we need to discuss it..." Lavender replied.
"Of course," the nurse said with a smile. "There's no rush."
Pinkie leaned in and took a closer look at the foal, nose almost touching. "Y'know what she reminds me of?"
"What?" Lavender asked.
"A red velvet cake. With white frosting! Ooooh, I think I'll make one for the party!"
The new parents looked down at their foal.
"Red velvet...?" Sable echoed.
"White frosting...?"
They shared a look, and smiled in unison...
* * * * *
The hot air balloon docked at Canterlot, and Twilight Sparkle trotted purposefully up to the Palace. The guards let her in, and within moments she was facing her mentor.
"Twilight Sparkle! Good day to you. Would you care for some tea?" Celestia asked.
"Your Highness," Twilight said breathlessly, "Lavender Rose had her foal this morning at sunrise."
"Oh?" Celestia asked.
"Princess...it's an alicorn."
The teapot Celestia was pouring from wavered slightly. "Truly."
"Yes."
The atmosphere in the room had become thick and silent; everypony's eyes were on the graceful, powerful ruler of Equestria. "Then I must come to Ponyville and see for myself, immediately."
* * * * *
In Ponyville, news of the surprising birth had spread like wildfire, and the talk of the town was the new alicorn foal. Four friends were gathered in the park, discussing the hot topic of the day.
"Ah don't git it. Why's it such a big deal?"
Rainbow Dash snorted. "Oh come on, AJ. It's an alicorn!"
"Alicorns are very, very rare," Fluttershy said softly.
"Yes, and the birth of an alicorn is such a rare event that it is absolutely imperative all of Equestia take notice," Rarity said.
"Ah don't quite reckon Ah know jes' whut an alicorn is," Applejack admitted, ears drooping.
The others stared at her in disbelief.
"Whut? Ah'm a farm pony. All Ah know is apples."
"Okay, you've met Princess Celestia, right?" Rainbow Dash said.
"Eeyup."
"And you know how she's got wings like a pegasus and a horn like a unicorn, right?"
"Eeyup."
"Okay, that's an alicorn," Dash said.
"OH! Okay, Ah git it now."
"Alicorns are the most powerful of all ponies," Rarity said. "The birth of an alicorn is a monumental event. In the last fifteen hundred years, only four alicorns have been born, including the foal that arrived today."
"The other three are Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadance," Fluttershy added.
"So you see, when a new alicorn is born, all of Equestria takes notice," Dash finished. "I mean this is really, really big."
"So whut's gonna happen?" Applejack asked. "Ah mean, if this is all such a big deal an' all..."
"Well...nopony's really sure," Rarity hedged. "There's not exactly an established protocol for this sort of thing. I mean, beyond Twilight Sparkle reporting the birth of the alicorn to Princess Celestia. Nopony except the Princess really understands what an alicorn foal entails, and even she might not be sure what to do."
"Whut's there t' do, though?" Applejack asked. "Ah mean, they ain't jes' gunna take Lav's foal away jes' cuz she's an alicorn, right?"
"Certainly not!" Rarity huffed. "However," she added, pawing at the ground, "the Princess might decide that certain measures need to be taken. It's possible she will ask the family to relocate to Canterlot so the alicorn foal can be properly supervised..."
"Leave Ponyville?"
"It might be...safer," Fluttershy whispered. "Alicorns are VERY powerful. I mean, we've all seen what Princess Celestia and Nightm—I mean, Princess Luna can do."
The mares were silent for a moment.
"Yeah, Ah can understand that."
"But for right now," Rarity said in a more upbeat tone, "we have more pressing matters to attend to."
"New mommy party?" Rainbow Dash guessed.
"New mommy party," Rarity affirmed.
"Ah'd better rustle up some cider then," Applejack said, galloping off toward her family farm. "See y'all at th' party!"
The others dispersed, agreeing to meet at the library later before the party.
* * * * *
Hushed whispers followed Princess Celestia and her student as they made their way through the hospital, headed for the nursery. Lavender Rose and Sable Star greeted them; both ponies looked very nervous.
Celestia smiled at the new parents. "Congratulations," she said softly.
"Th-thank you, Your Highness," Lavender replied shakily.
"Princess Celestia," Twilight Sparkle said formally, "may I present your newest subject..." She trailed off, casting a prompting glance at Lavender and Sable.
"Velvet Frost," Lavender supplied.
Celestia smiled, leaned down, and nuzzled the foal. "She's adorable," she cooed.
"Yes, she is," Twilight agreed with a smile. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "So...what are you planning to do?"
"Hmm..." Celestia mused. "I'm not entirely sure...I'll have time to consider it, because this little one's magic won't start to act out until she's a month old, six weeks at the most..."
"You're not...going to make them leave Ponyville, are you?" the young unicorn asked, ears flattening.
Celestia laughed musically. "What? No, of course not. But this foal will need more supervision than even you, my faithful student, are capable of providing," the princess concluded. "I'm just not quite sure how to proceed..."
Twilight frowned, rubbing her chin with a hoof. "If I may suggest something..."
"Yes?"
"Maybe...I mean, there are three full-grown alicorns living in Canterlot. Maybe you, Princess Luna, and Cadance can, I dunno, take turns coming down to Ponyville to help out? One day a week each should be enough, and it won't get in the way of anything important. And if there's an emergency, I can always send a letter right away via Spike."
"An excellent idea," Celestia said, nodding. "I will speak to my sister and niece at once."
* * * * *
As expected of a Pinkie Pie party, the welcome party for Velvet Frost was a tremendous success. Pinkie and the Cakes had baked an enormous red velvet cake with vanilla icing and powder-blue sugar sprinkles; Rarity thought it was rather corny, but everypony enjoyed the rich, delicious cake. Applejack and Big Macintosh had hauled in seven barrels of their finest cider, and by the end of the evening, everypony except Twilight Sparkle, Lavender Rose, and—obviously—the new foal were absolutely smashed.
As the party wound down, Twilight helped Lavender escort Sable and Velvet home; Velvet was sound asleep in her mother's saddlebag and Sable was listing drunkenly on his left hooves. "I think somepony overdid it a bit," Twilight said.
"I think EVERYPONY overdid it a bit," Lavender replied, laughing. "But I couldn't have asked for a better reception for little Vel." She turned and nuzzled the foal tenderly, cooing softly.
Twilight smiled. "Yeah, this'll be a day Ponyville remembers for a long time."
Lavender's ears twitched. "I'm a little worried, Twilight," she admitted. "What if..."
"Don't do that to yourself," Twilight cut her off sharply. "Don't worry yourself over what might happen. Trust me, it's NOT worth it. Just...enjoy being a new mother for now, and in a month or so, well...whatever happens, happens."
"You're right, of course," Lavender said. "Thank you, Twilight. For everything...and for agreeing to help when Vel's magic kicks in."
"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world! A new alicorn, from foal to filly...and I'll be there to document every day of her growth! Nopony's EVER had an opportunity like this!"
Lavender laughed, shaking her head.
One month later...
Twilight Sparkle, mane in disarray and eyes barely half-open, trotted sleepily to the front door, head throbbing in time with the insistent knocking. It was just past sunrise—Twilight had planned on sleeping another twenty-three minutes and thirty-six seconds—and the lavender unicorn wondered just who could be pounding on her door at this hour, and what color throw pillow they wanted to be turned into.
Surprisingly, it was Rainbow Dash, and she looked decidedly unhappy. "Huh? Rainbow Dash? What's up?" Twilight asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes.
Dash, front hooves crossed, scowled. "Tell me something. It's the middle of summer, right?"
"Yes, of course it is," Twilight replied. Annoyance began to creep into her voice. "And...?"
"So mind tellin' me why the hay it's SNOWING?"
The pegasus flung the door open wide and fluttered to the side, affording Twilight a full, clear view of the frigid, snowy summer morning. Ponies were looking up and around in confusion at the freak winter weather.
Twilight's jaw dropped. "What...the..."
Weather You Like It Or Not...
The inch-deep blanket of snow covering Ponyville glittered brilliantly in the early morning sun. Confused, curious ponies gawked at the freak weather. Twilight Sparkle emerged from the library, gazing around wonderingly.
Above and behind her, Rainbow Dash beat her wings, tail flicking and ears twitching in annoyance. "Weather Control got me up at two this morning," she said archly. "Two. This. Morning. We've been tryin' to fix this mess for four hours, but it just keeps snowing. We can't stop it. We've totally lost control of the weather."
"That...shouldn't be possible," Twilight said.
"NO DUH!" Rainbow retorted. "We've already sent a message to Canterlot, but—"
"Wait a minute," Twilight interrupted as a thought occurred. She charged out into the snowy streets, heedless of the cold. Rainbow Dash followed her.
They came to a stop in front of a house two blocks from Sugarcube Corner. Twilight was about to knock when the door opened and Sable Star trotted out, ears flat and wings rustling at his sides. "Oh, Twilight Sparkle, thank Celestia," he said. "Something's going on with Vel..." He blinked as he got a good look at the snow covering the unicorn's head. "Is...that...?"
"It's snowing all over Ponyville," Twilight said, shaking her head to dislodge the powdery snow from her mane. "I had a hunch, so I came right over..." Pushing past the stallion, she trotted inside, Rainbow Dash following her. Sable frowned in confusion, then joined in behind them.
"Did Cloudsdale try to get in touch with me?" Sable asked the younger pegasus. "I was kind of out of it last night...Lav needed sleep yesterday so I was looking after Vel all day..."
"No idea," Rainbow said. "I was kinda busy tryin' to herd this snowstorm. Since two in the morning."
Sable winced. "Ouch."
They reached the nursery, and both pegasi stopped at the door. "Whoa," Rainbow breathed.
"Yeah, that's been going on since I woke up to check on her," Sable said.
Velvet Frost was hovering three feet in the air, her wings beating very slowly, one beat every five seconds. Her eyes were open and glowing; a wave of brilliant ice-blue light was pouring out of her tiny horn. Lavender Rose was trembling in the corner, ears flat and eyes wide. Twilight approached the foal and tilted her head, brow furrowed.
"Well, that explains the snow," Twilight said after a moment.
"WHAT?!" Rainbow shrieked. "You mean—"
"Yep," Twilight affirmed. "Velvet's magic is making it snow. That's why you can't stop it. It won't stop until she settles down."
"You're kidding," the blue pegasus said flatly. "You mean this little brat can—"
"Control the weather? Apparently." Twilight shook her head, smiling. "Could you fly back to the library and get Spike to send a message to Princess Celestia?"
"Sure," Rainbow replied, staring at the alicorn foal for a long moment before shaking her head and flying off.
Lavender approached the younger unicorn on unsteady hooves, still staring at her glowing, hovering daughter. "Weather control?" she asked softly.
"I'm afraid the two of you won't be very popular with the pegasi for a while," Twilight said ruefully.
Sable's ears flattened. "Great. There goes my job."
"I'm sure they'll understand it isn't your fault," Twilight said soothingly. "This is just one of those things..."
Princess Celestia appeared in a burst of sunlight, startling everypony.
"That was fast," Twilight said.
"All things considered, I didn't want to waste any time," Celestia replied primly, studying the foal with a wry smirk. "Well, this certainly explains all the agitated pegasi I've seen today..."
"How do we calm her down?" Twilight asked.
"Did anypony try singing her a lullaby?" Celestia suggested.
Lavender Rose facehoofed.
"She's a powerful alicorn foal whose magic just woke up, but she IS still a foal," Celestia continued. "Just get her to go back to sleep."
Twilight sighed. "It's always something obvious..."
* * * * *
Fifteen minutes later, it stopped snowing. An hour later, the pegasi had turned a cold, wet summer morning into a bright, warm, somewhat muggy summer morning. Everypony did their best to try to forget the freak snowstorm, but rumors were flying all over Ponyville. Twilight had decided it would be a bad idea to tell everypony exactly what had caused the snow in the first place, but in her heart, she knew it was a moot point—sooner or later, everypony would know about Velvet Frost's weather-control magic.
The next few weeks were bizarre, to say the least. Although Velvet had not managed to reproduce her first feat of weather magic, or performed any magic that affected Ponyville, she had become prolific in performing small-scale feats of weather, usually confined to the vicinity of her home—and occasionally, to Twilight's dismay, INSIDE the house. More than once, Twilight came home from supervising the little alicorn completely soaked to the bone.
Then, one afternoon, almost a month after the snow incident, Velvet managed to make it rain milk all over Ponyville.
* * * * *
Panic ran amok in the streets; ponies stampeded wildly all over town, freaking out at the sudden milkstorm.
"DISCORD'S BACK!" somepony shrieked.
"HIDE YOUR FOALS!"
"HIDE YOUR LAUNDRY!"
"HIDE YOUR PETS!"
"HIDE YOUR PETS AND YOUR FOALS IN THE LAUNDRY!"
"Calm down, everypony!" Pinkie Pie shouted over the din. "It isn't Discord! See? It isn't chocolate! If it was Discord, it'd be chocolate! But it's not! It's..." She tasted the rain, and spat it out, making a face. "Formula?!"
A few other curious ponies tasted the milky rain, making similarly disgusted faces. "Ugh!" somepony groused. "Why would Discord make it rain foal formula?"
"Discord isn't back, and has nothing to do with this," a magically amplified voice filled the town square. Everypony looked up to see Twilight Sparkle, being held aloft by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy and looking rather serious. "I have something important to tell everypony, so please pay attention and above all DON'T PANIC, okay?"
The crowd waited expectantly.
"Velvet Frost can control the weather. Since she's just a foal right now, her magic is acting out randomly. She made it snow a month ago and somehow she's causing this. I think she's just hungry right now—"
The rain suddenly stopped.
"—and that would be Lavender Rose feeding her," Twilight finished.
The crowd began whispering excitedly amongst themselves.
"Now, this is important," Twilight said. "We all need to be supportive of Lavender Rose and Sable Star through all this. I know Velvet's magic might...inconvenience us from time to time, especially if she pulls off another stunt like this, but please understand, this isn't anypony's fault. A lot of you are unicorns; you were foals once, or you have foals, or you know a foal...you know what happens when foals' magic acts up."
A ripple of assent from the crowd, punctuated by Pinkie Pie's loud yell of "Boy, DO I!"
"So okay then," Twilight said in a hopeful, cheerful voice. "Please just put up with any weird weather we have until Velvet is old enough that we can teach her how to use her magic properly. Okay?"
General assent rose from the crowd, which began calmly dispersing, groups of ponies whispering amongst themselves.
As the two pegasi lowered Twilight to the ground, the unicorn sighed, wiping her brow. "Whew," she exhaled. "That went better than I expected..."
"Everypony understands the situation," Fluttershy assured her. "I'm certain absolutely nothing will go wrong..."
And that was precisely when it started raining manure.
Six friends stared in horror and disgust at the incredibly foul-smelling, nasty mess.
"Oh. My." Fluttershy opined.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww," Pinkie offered.
"This is just SICK," Rainbow chimed in.
"I think I'm going to BE sick," Rarity added.
"This jes' ain't right," Applejack drawled.
Twilight shook her head and sighed. "Okay, I guess I should've seen this coming after the foal formula rain..."
"Well, this is what happens after a foal has her formula," Pinkie said.
"Yeah, but not ALL OVER PONYVILLE!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Twilight, I'm sorry, but that foal's gotta go..."
"NO," Twilight stated firmly. "We are NOT running Velvet and her family out of Ponyville just because things get a little..." She struggled to search for the right word.
"Caca?" Pinkie offered. Applejack bucked her into the nearest wall.
"Look, we're all just a little...weirded out right now," Twilight said with a sigh. "We should all just go home, take a nice long bath, and...well..." She trailed off with a game shrug. "Try to forget this happened."
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can forget this sh—" Rainbow was interrupted as a large clump of baby powder fell out of the sky, hitting her smack in the face. She broke into a coughing, sneezing fit. "GAH! WHAT— *cough* THE HA *gchoo!*"
"Oh look, Lavender must be changing Velvet's diaper," Twilight said tonelessly.
"Okay this is jes' too weird," Applejack said as it began snowing baby powder all over Ponyville. "Ah reckon Ah'm gonna go home an' hit th' cider. Anypony wanna come with?"
* * * * *
The next day, Cadance and Shining Armor arrived in Ponyville, announcing that given the previous day's bizarre weather incidents, Princess Celestia had decided Shining's unique ability was needed more in Ponyville until Velvet's accidental magic fits started to subside.
"I'm sorry for all the trouble," Lavender said to the noble stallion and his royal bride.
"Not at all!" Cadance said cheerfully. "I love foalsitting!"
"She does at that," Shining said with a smile. "And I don't mind at all, really. Princess Luna and her guards have agreed to keep an increased vigil in my stead while I'm here." He paused, nose wrinkling. "Did it...did it really rain...um...you know..."
"Yes. Yes it did."
Cadance made a face. "Goodness."
"As near as I've been able to tell," Twilight began, adopting her lecturing tone and beginning to pace, "Velvet's magical outbursts are connected with whatever happens to be on her mind at any given time. If she's hungry, for example, it starts raining formula. When she...soils herself, it starts raining..." She cleared her throat and flushed. "Ahem. And when Lavender changes her diaper, it starts snowing baby powder."
"Baby powder? That's weird," Cadance said. "Um...I mean, weirder than..." She trailed off. "What I mean is—"
"I know what you mean," Twilight said with a laugh. "I wondered about that too, so I decided to do a little test."
"A test?" Shining asked, tilting his head.
"I sprinkled a little baby powder on her belly," Twilight said. "A few seconds later, a baby powder blizzard broke out in the nursery." Her brother and sister-in-law blinked. "Apparently, she likes baby powder. The smell, probably."
"Well, that's...good to know, I guess," Cadance said. "I mean, the baby powder makers would be happy to know foals like the smell of baby powder, right?"
Shining Armor shook his head, chuckling.
"And that little test also confirmed that her magic doesn't always affect a large area," Twilight continued. "Whatever effect she produces seems to be exponentially linked to her overall mood."
"How so?" Cadance asked.
"Well, when she made it rain formula all over Ponyville, apparently she was really hungry," Twilight explained.
"Oh, I get it," Shining said. "And then right after that, she took a really big—"
"Yes," Twilight interrupted, coughing. "Also, the magic flares are as random as any unicorn foal's magic. Sometimes it's barely noticeable, other times—"
"It rains icky no-no all over town," Cadance finished.
Lavender buried her head in her hooves. "We will NEVER live that down, will we?" she moaned.
"Anyway, I can't say for sure how long it'll be like this," Twilight said. "My best guess is another three months, and then we can start training her, or at least encouraging her not to act out with her magic."
"I dunno, Twi," Armor said. "You were nearly a yearling before Mom and Dad broke you of random magic."
"Yeah, well..." Twilight looked away, face flaming. Then, she looked back up with a manic smile. "THEY didn't have a plan. I have a plan. And it. Is. Going. To. WORK!"
"...I have a very bad feeling about this," Cadance said, backing away from the manic lavender unicorn with one hoof raised.
"No, no, don't worry!" Twilight said brightly. "I'm sure I can horn-train Velvet by the time she's eight months old, nine tops!"
"I certainly hope so," Lavender said, looking forlornly out the window.
Outside, it was raining pacifiers.
"...oh, ponyfeathers," Armor said with a grimace. His horn began to glow...
* * * * *
In Canterlot, the two rulers of Equestria were having tea.
"So, Velvet Frost can manifest many different forms of matter, and reproduce them as an atmospheric effect?" Luna asked her sister.
"Evidently," Celestia replied, amusement in her tone. "At present, everything she has caused to fall in Ponyville has been the sort of things that preoccupy a foal's mind..."
"Yes, I've heard the rumors," Luna said. "I have yet to witness any such manifestations myself; every time I go down to see her, she's asleep."
"Mmm," Celestia replied. "Most of the more...unusual events seem to occur at hours you and I are unable to escape our obligations here." After sipping her tea, she added, "The one time I've directly witnessed Velvet's more...unusual outbursts, it rained rubber duckies in the bathroom." At Luna's raised eyebrow, she clarified, "Lav was giving her a bath and forgot to put her ducky in the water."
Luna chuckled. "Interesting."
"I only hope Twilight Sparkle is equal to the task I have set before her," Celestia said. "Velvet Frost...if her magic is not properly shaped and trained, and if she is not given the proper guidance, then her power could disrupt all of Equestria..."
"From what I know of Twilight Sparkle, you could not have chosen a better mentor for the little one," Luna assuaged her sister. "Besides, you must also have faith in the foal's parents, must you not?"
"You're right, of course," Celestia agreed. "Lavender Rose and Sable Star are good, kind, decent ponies. I am certain we have nothing to worry about..."
* * * * *
"IF I HAVE TO CLEAN MANURE OUT OF MY MANE ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO GO COMPLETELY BUCKING BERSERK!" Lavender Rose shrieked. Numerous objects of various shapes and sizes were propelled forcefully from the direction of the bathroom, wreathed in rose-hued unicorn magic.
Sable Star winced. "Uhhh..."
Upstairs, Velvet started to cry. A loud clap of thunder shook the house; the flash of lightning lit up the stairwell.
Eyes wide, Twilight charged up the stairs. Just as she arrived, she saw a rather frantic Cadance attempting to lull the cranky foal to sleep. Her soft lullaby, accompanied by a burst of her own unique magic, quickly pacified the little alicorn, and the brewing thunderstorm silently dissipated.
"Whew," Cadance said as Velvet fell asleep, making quiet little baby pony noises. "That was a close one."
It was then that Twilight noticed the older mare's mane was frizzy and rather crisp at the ends.
"Uhh...want me to watch her while you go tame your mane?" Twilight offered.
Cadance blinked. "My mane? What—"
Wordlessly, Twilight levitated a mirror over to the alicorn, who stared in horror. "Oh horseapples," she groaned. "I'll uh...just...excuse me a minute."
As Cadance rushed down to the bathroom, Lavender trotted in, looking sheepish. "Um...I'm sorry you had to see me freaking out like that," she said.
Twilight smiled and waved a hoof dismissively. "I completely understand. This is always the hardest time on new parents when a unicorn is born; it's only natural it'd be much worse with an alicorn...I'm not helping, am I?"
"Not really, but thanks for trying."
"Right," Twilight said, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof sheepishly. "Sooooo..."
"Actually, Twilight?" Lavender began. At the other mare's headtilt, she continued, "Sable and I could REALLY use a little time...y'know...away. Um...do you think—"
"It's not a problem," Twilight assured her. "I'm here, my brother and Cadance are here, Pinkie's good with foals, Fluttershy's...not coming anywhere near Velvet right now and I totally understand...but there are plenty of ponies to look after Velvet while you and Sable take a little breather. About how long were you thinking?"
"Oh, not too long," Lavender replied. "Two weeks, three at the most."
"Three...WEEKS?!" Twilight echoed. "But...Velvet is still awfully young..."
"Twi. I just spent an hour getting manure out of my mane. And that's the third time this week."
Twilight winced. "I...see your point."
"Yeah." Lavender sighed. "So, me and Sable are gonna go to Neighpon for a while. We've always wanted to go, we just never got around to it..."
"Neighpon! I've always wanted to visit there too," Twilight said, eyes bright. "Mind if I send along a little souvenir money and a list of things I'd like from there?"
"Sure, no problem! It's the LEAST we can do to thank you for all your help," Lavender replied with a smile.
Twilight clopped her hooves together happily. "Thank you so much! I'll make a list tonight and bring it over tomorrow. When were you planning to leave?"
"Tomorrow after breakfast," Lavender said.
"That soon?!"
"Manure. Mane. Three times this week."
"...right..."
* * * * *
Shining Armor and Cadance happily agreed to housesit, and Pinkie offered to help foalsit anytime she was needed. The following morning, Twilight and all her friends saw Sable Star and Lavender Rose off at the mareport. An hour after the beleaguered couple left, the housesitters returned to the quiet little house; Pinkie Pie and Cadance wasted no time in raiding the fridge, while Shining Armor reinforced the barrier that was protecting Ponyville from any random uncontrolled weather.
"Sooo..." Twilight said to her brother as he settled down on the sofa with the daily newspaper, "Three weeks of housesitting and foalsitting. You, me, Cadance, and Pinkie Pie."
"Eeyup," Shining replied in his best impression of Big Macintosh.
"Well then, there's nothing to really worry about, is there!" Twilight smiled cheerfully.
Shining Armor glanced at her, one eyebrow raised. "Are you nervous?"
"Nervous? Me?" Twilight laughed. "I've been entrusted with the safety and well-being of an incredibly powerful foal who randomly makes it rain things that shouldn't scientifically be possible, in places it shouldn't scientifically be possible, and my entire future as a scholar of magic could be on the line if I screw this up. What could there POSSIBLY be to be nervous about?"
It started sleeting in the living room.
Twilight's ears drooped. "I'm so dead."
For the first three days, there were surprisingly few problems. Velvet's magical outbursts mainly confined themselves to whatever room she happened to be in and were relatively mild; the worst incident during that time was a heavy downpour of pee whose only victim was Pinkie Pie.
"That was really RUDE," the pink mare had complained as her mane dripped all over the floor. "How would you like it if I peed all over YOU?"
"Pinkie Pie, please don't pee on the foal," Cadance had said, facehoofing.
"Huh? I wasn't gonna pee on her," Pinkie had replied, confused.
"Oh, good. I...honestly wasn't sure if you were serious or not."
It had taken Cadance and Twilight an hour to clean up the mess while Pinkie took a very long bath. After that, Velvet had been fed and changed—with no accompanying meteorological trauma—and put to bed. She stayed asleep until the next morning.
Then came the fourth day, and with it: crisis.
"You...lost...her blankie," Twilight said.
Pinkie's ears drooped. "Not exactly LOST it, I just...don't know where it is."
"How could you LOSE a blankie?" Twilight demanded.
"I just hung it outside to dry!" Pinkie wailed. "When I went back out, it was gone!"
"So...somepony STOLE Velvet's blankie?" Twilight asked.
"I dunno, maybe?" Pinkie offered, a forehoof raised.
Twilight sighed. "When she doesn't have her blankie, she gets cranky."
"Hey, that rhymed!" Pinkie chirped. "Are you taking lessons from Zecora?"
Twilight facehoofed. "Pinkie, this is serious," she tried to explain. "The last time we had to wash that blankie, Velvet wouldn't calm down until she had it back. Cadance tried to give her another one, but she wanted HER blankie. It got so windy in the nursery we almost got blown clear to Cloudsdale!"
"I'm really sorry...it isn't my fault, I Pinkie-promise!" the pink party pony professed. "I'll try really really hard to find it, okay?"
"Please do. Because if that blankie isn't found, there's no telling—"
There was a knock at the door.
Twilight answered it, and found a sweat-drenched, drooping Rainbow Dash hovering miserably at the door. "What's wrong, Rainbow Dash?" she asked.
"Wrong? Oh, nothing's wrong," Rainbow replied. "Just that it's like a hundred degrees out here!"
Twilight frowned. "It's really that hot? I haven't been outside since yesterday..."
"It wasn't hot like this until about an hour ago," Rainbow said. "And we can't figure out why, so..."
Twilight's eyes widened in realization. "Velvet," she said.
"Ya think? " Rainbow retorted crossly.
"I'm...really sorry, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said. "Velvet's favorite blankie's gone missing on us, and...well..."
"Her...blankie."
"Yeah."
"I'm sweatin' outta places I didn't know could sweat...because a foal's missin' her blankie?"
Twilight's ears drooped. "We're working on finding it, honest! Just..." She pressed her forehooves together plaintively. "Help maybe?"
Rainbow snorted, blowing dripping multihued hair out of her eyes. "FINE, anything to put a stop to this heat wave." She looked around. "Hey, why isn't your big brother doin' anything about this, anyway?"
Twilight backed away nervously, ears twitching. "Umm...well...you see..."
From upstairs, the two mares heard a loud crash and a strange-sounding whinny.
"What the hay was THAT?" Rainbow cried, eyes wide and mane standing on end.
Twilight winced. "Um...well...my brother and Cadance...kinda needed some couple time..."
"Oh. ...OH. ...you're KIDDING. HERE?! " Rainbow exclaimed, turning faintly green.
Twilight flushed. "He was SUPPOSED to soundproof their room," she muttered. "They didn't want to go off and abandon their duties here, but they did need to...um...be together, you know, and..."
"Nevermind, I really don't wanna know," Rainbow said, waving a hoof and backing away. "Look, just...find the stupid blankie already, okay? I'll do what I can to help."
"Right. Um...sorry. Really."
* * * * *
"I'm sorry, Twilight. My shield's just not working against this heat," Shining Armor said later that day.
Twilight sighed. "I was afraid of that."
"Sooo...any ideas?"
"The only thing we can do is find that blankie," Twilight said, shaking her head. "But it could be anywhere. I mean, who just runs off with a blankie?"
"Are you SURE Pinkie Pie didn't just forget where it is?"
"She stuck three cupcakes in her eye," Twilight said. At Shining's confused look, she rolled her eyes. "Pinkie didn't forget where it is. It's just gone."
"Great," Shining said, pawing the floor with a hoof. "We've only got all of Equestria to search for one stupid blanket in order to stop Ponyville from baking..."
* * * * *
"Ice-cold apple juice! Gitcher ice-cold apple juice here!" Applejack hollered as she and Big Macintosh trotted around town square, the latter hauling a cart laden with coolers full of ice and several five-gallon bottles of Sweet Apple Acres' finest apple juice.
In this heat, they were making a small fortune, but Applejack still wished the heat would die down soon. After all, it was bad for the apples.
She wasn't particularly fond of it either.
"Apple juice! C'mon, y'all, git it while it's ice-cold!" she called out again.
"I'll take a glass!" a slightly slurred voice called out from above. A gray pegasus crashed into Big Mac's wagon, sending ice flying everywhere and nearly sending one full bottle of juice rolling out into the street.
"Hey now, pay first, then wait till we fill 'er up fer ya!" Applejack berated the clumsy mare.
Derpy's head popped up out of the mess in the wagon, amber eyes spinning. "Sooorr-ry, Applejack," she said. She dug around in her saddlebag for a couple of bits and flipped them to the orange mare, who stashed them in the cashbox.
"Fill 'er up, Mac."
"Eeyup," her brother replied, pressing down on a tap plugged into one of the bottles and filling a tall paper cup with juice. "Here y'go, ma'am," he said.
"Thanks so much!" Derpy said cheerfully. She drank half the cup of juice, then produced a muffin from her saddlebag, gulping it down in one bite before finishing her juice. As she did so, Applejack noticed something peculiar...
"Hey, uh...that some kinda cape y'got on there?"
Derpy had a green wool garment tied in a knot around her neck, covering half her back, nestled neatly between her wings. It was too small to be a saddle blanket, and indeed looked like one of the short half-capes she'd seen adorning the ponyquins in Rarity's boutique.
"Huh? Oh, yeah! I found it down by Sugarcube Corner, and I thought 'oh hey, what a neat cape', and I've been wearing it ever since! I feel super!" She whooped and waved, taking off into the sky.
"Super dippy, y'mean," Applejack said, shaking her head.
"Eeyup."
* * * * *
Two more days of intense heat passed. Everypony was getting cranky.
In desperation, Twilight Sparkle assembled all her friends, determined to scour every inch of Ponyville for the missing blankie.
"Ah can't believe we're makin' all this ruckus over a foal's blankie," Applejack said, shaking her head.
"Yeah, well, if we don't find it, this heat wave won't stop," Twilight said. She was clearly exhausted; there were heavy bags under her eyes, and sweat ran in rivulets.
"She can't possibly still be this cranky over her blankie," Rainbow complained.
"Hey, now Rainbow Dash is taking lessons from Zecora!" Pinkie, the only pony not affected by the heat, cheered.
"Oh, cork it," Rainbow muttered.
"I had hoped she'd settle down, but..." Twilight shook her head. "She's REALLY attached to that blankie."
"I think it's because it smells like her mother," Cadance said. "And Lavender Rose hasn't been around lately..."
"That makes sense," Fluttershy said. "It's her mother's smell she's missing."
"Okay so...whut's this blankie look like?" Applejack asked.
"Well, it's green, it's wool..." Twilight explained. "It's..."
Applejack's eyes shrank to dots. "'Bout this big, kinda fuzzy, has little blue dots on it?" she asked, demonstrating with her hooves.
"Yes, that's it exactly," Twilight said, eyes widening. "You've seen it?"
"Yeah, Ah reckon Ah know whut varmint's runnoft with it..."
* * * * *
Velvet Frost cooed happily as she snuggled up under her precious blankie. Immediately, the temperature outside dropped ten degrees.
"Whew, glad that's over with," Twilight said.
"Sorr-ry," Derpy said sheepishly, pawing the floor with a hoof. "I didn't know it was somepony's blankie..."
"It's okay, Derpy. Thanks for being reasonable about this."
"Sure thing!" the wall-eyed pegasus replied cheerfully. She waved with a hoof and left through the window—after crashing into the wall twice.
Twilight shook her head. "Two more weeks until Lavender and Sable get back..." she sighed.
"We'll make it," Shining Armor assured her. "We got through THIS crisis, didn't we?"
"Yeah..."
In her sleep, Velvet passed gas.
"Eww," Twilight complained, waving a hoof in front of her nose. "That foal sure can make a stink..."
The two unicorns left the nursery...
* * * * *
"Sweetie Belle?" Rarity asked as her younger sister and her friends trotted into the boutique the following morning. "Why aren't you in school?"
"Miss Cheerilee cancelled school," Sweetie Belle replied. "The schoolhouse was destroyed."
"DESTROYED?!" Rarity exclaimed, a dainty hoof pressed to her mouth.
"Some kinda freaky tornado," Apple Bloom said. "Durnedest thing..."
Cheerilee stared forlornly at the wreckage of her beloved schoolhouse.
"'Tain't much left," Applejack drawled beside her.
"Nnnnope," Big Macintosh agreed from her other side.
The schoolmare'm slumped dejectedly, tears welling in her eyes. "Why?" she sniffled.
"Don't fret none," Big Mac said gently. "Ah'll clear this mess out, an' round up a herd o' workers t' rebuild. Jes' leave it t' me."
Cheerilee wiped at her eyes with a hoofkerchief. "Th-thank you, Big Macintosh."
"Eeyup."
Applejack smiled at the two of them. "If'n y'need a place t' hold school in th' meantime, Ah reckon y'all can use our farm," she offered. "Who knows, maybe outside classes—"
"Aren't safe right now," Cheerilee said, head lowered. "I know Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor are TRYING, I really do, but..."
Applejack sighed. "Yeah. Li'l Vel's way th' hay outta control." She looked at the pile of rubble that used to be the schoolhouse. "Ah mean, first it was rainin' pony plop, an' now THIS..." The farmpony shook her head. "Ah'm startin' t' think maybe shippin' 'er off t' Canterlot woulda been th' smart thing t' do in th' first place."
"Eeyup."
Unnoticed, Twilight Sparkle trotted silently away, head hung low and ears flattened against her head.
* * * * *
"Don't let it get to you," Shining Armor reassured his forlorn sister as she related what she'd overheard. "Everypony's just upset right now."
"Yeah, I know, but..." Twilight sighed. "Maybe they're right. Maybe Velvet and her family should move to Canterlot, at least until she's a little older..."
"It would certainly be easier to keep her magic...contained," Shining hedged, stroking his chin with a hoof. "But...that'd mean you'd need to move back to Canterlot too. Could you really leave your friends here?"
Twilight shook her head. "No. No, I couldn't...not even for an opportunity like this..."
"Then we'll just have to endure, and have faith in this great plan of yours," Shining said with a gentle smile.
Twilight nodded. "Yeah..."
"Besides, nothing Velvet could possibly do could be a worse disaster than the parasprites, right?" Shining asked with a sly grin.
Twilight winced. "I didn't know you'd heard about that..."
"Word gets around..."
* * * * *
Late that afternoon, the doctor came around to check up on Velvet Frost. "Well, she's a perfectly healthy little foal," he declared as he completed his examination. "Have you had any problems with her? Err, I mean besides the...weather magic stuff?"
Twilight shook her head. "No, she's been fine. Maybe a little fussy and a little gassy..."
"Well, most foals are fussy and gassy," the doctor replied with a chuckle. "I've never met a foal yet that wasn't."
"I'm a little worried about the gassy part though," Twilight said. With a sigh, she lowered her voice. "I think when she, you know, passes gas...well, I think the tornado that hit the schoolhouse was..."
The doctor's eyes widened. "I see." He sighed, shaking his head. "Unfortunately, there's not much I can do for that...foals pass gas. It's just natural. Trying to stop it from happening is bad for the foal."
"I understand." Twilight's ears drooped. "I guess we'll just have to pray she doesn't blow down half of Ponyville every time she lets one."
"I pray that very same thing every time my wife snores," the doctor said with a laugh and a grin. "Well, I'll be back in a week to check on her again. Call if there's any problems."
"Will do, and thanks!"
As the doctor left, Twilight looked down at the fidgety little alicorn. "You're certainly turning out to be a lot more trouble than I expected," she muttered.
Shining Armor passed through the room on his way to the kitchen. As he did so, Twilight looked up. "Remind me never to marry a pegasus," she said.
Shining tilted his head at her curiously, then snorted and resumed his snack run.
* * * * *
"Come on now, Velvet! Come to Auntie Pinkie!"
Velvet tottered uncertainly across the room to the pink earth pony, nearly falling once but managing to recover. Pinkie clapped happily. "Yay! Good girl! You can walk so far now!"
Cadance giggled. "Foals grow up so fast, don't they?" She let out a sigh. "I wonder what ours will be..."
Pinkie blinked, then her mouth dropped open. "You're not...?"
"Oh no, not yet," Cadance said with a shake of her head. "I'm not quite ready to be a mommy just yet. But...one day, absolutely."
Pinkie beamed. "You'll make a great mommy."
"Thanks." Cadance watched as Velvet trotted around the room a couple times, then plopped down on her diapered rear. She had a strained look on her face.
The two mares shared a look; both grimaced. "Your turn," Cadance said.
Pinkie sighed, picked Velvet up, and burped her.
* * * * *
The next several days were fairly calm. Princess Celestia dropped by to visit, and announced that she and her sister were going to attempt a spell that would dampen the effects of Velvet Frost's random magic. This pronouncement was met with cheers that rocked Ponyville to its foundations.
A week after the disastrous tornado, the new schoolhouse opened, and all the colts and fillies of Ponyville went back to school. As Cheerilee greeted her students on the first day back, she noticed a weary pink pony trudging into town. It took her a moment to realize it was Pinkie Pie; her mane had flattened out except for parts of it that were sticking out at very odd angles, her coat was completely filthy, and she was limping. Most of her tail was gone.
"Pinkie Pie?!" Cheerilee gasped. "What in Equestria happened to you?!"
"I burped Velvet," Pinkie replied.
Cup Cake suddenly galloped up the road, stopping in front of Pinkie. "Pinkie, dear, where HAVE you been?!" she asked breathlessly. "Everypony's been worried sick—"
"I burped Velvet," Pinkie replied. Her tone was not bubbly or happy.
"Well...yes...Princess Cadance did mention something about an incident with Velvet, but that was nearly a week ago!"
"I know," Pinkie said, before collapsing in an ungraceful heap on the road.
"Oh dear," Mrs. Cake said, blinking.
Hoofston, We Have A Pinkie
Pinkie Pie slowly awoke to find her friends gathered around her, looking down at her in concern. "Ugh..." she groaned. "Need...cupcakes..."
"Are you okay, Pinkie?" Twilight asked. It was a ridiculous question; the pink mare was in absolutely horrible condition. Her hooves were cracked and worn, she was covered in layers of grime so thick her coat looked gray and her cutie mark was no longer visible, she sported numerous cuts, scratches, and bruises, one leg appeared to be sprained, and she had a halfway-healed puffy black eye. Her mane was limp; Rarity had already brushed various twigs and leaves out of it. Most of her tail was missing; what remained was mostly a mess of singed split ends. She had a threadbare old saddlebag strapped on that looked like it had been fished out of a dumpster, and for some reason, there was a filthy leopard-print yellow bandana tied around her neck.
The pink pony sat up, blue eyes narrowed. "Hell-LOOOO! I just said, I! NEED! CUPCAKES!"
"Yep, she's fine," Rainbow Dash said.
Mrs. Cake brought a tray of cupcakes for Pinkie, who wasted no time inhaling them. Her mane regained a bit of its poof, and a tuft of cotton-candy-like tail abruptly sprouted from her rear. "Better," Pinkie said. "Ugh, I could use a shower."
"At least ," Rarity said, earning a sharp nudge in the ribs from Applejack.
"Pinkie, what happened? " Twilight asked, lying down in front of her friend, eyes full of concern. "Cadance said you went flying out the window after you burped Velvet, and then you just went missing for a whole week!"
"Yeah, where the hay WERE you all this time?" Rainbow demanded, forehooves on her flanks.
Mrs. Cake provided a second tray of cupcakes, and Pinkie bit into one, chewing slowly. "Well, after Velvet launched me out the window..."
* * * * *
EQUESTRIA PEGANAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION (EPSA)
HOOFSTON
"Confirm, we have an Unidentified Pink Object," a serious-faced gray earth stallion in a lab coat spoke into a headset. "Repeat, confirm, we have an Unidentified Pink Object."
"No duh, she's lying right in front of us."
Two pegasus mares, one puce and the other chartreuse, stood over the pink earth pony who had just crashed through the roof of the EPSA observatory. The chartreuse pegasus nudged the pink pony with a hoof. "Think she's still alive?" she wondered.
Pinkie Pie sprang up off the floor like a superball, bouncing in place a few times, blue eyes blinking rapidly. "Wooooow, that was SOOOOOOME burp," she said woozily. She glanced around. "Anypony got a banana cream pie? Because I could really really go for a banana cream pie right now. Ooh, or some carrot ice cream. Or a sweet potato muffin. Or..."
The other ponies just stared at her. "Um...excuse me, Miss," the gray stallion interrupted. "This IS a restricted facility. Just...exactly who are you, and how did you get here?"
"I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pink pony replied cheerfully. "And how did I get here? I rode a burp here. Um, where's here?"
"Obvious brain damage," the puce mare said clinically, nodding.
"We'd better take her to the hospital."
"Hospital? Oh, don't be silly. I'm fine! Well except for this big lump on my head and I think I sprained a hoof when I landed, but otherwise I'm—"
* * * * *
"So you say you're from Ponyville."
"Um, YES! I've said it like fifty bazillion times!"
"And you don't know where you are now."
"Only because nopony will TELL ME where I am—"
"And you got here, so you claim, by riding a burp."
"It was one hay of a burp."
"Mm-hmm," the unicorn doctor hummed, scribbling on a clipboard with a pen. Across from him, Pinkie lay on a bed, forcibly restrained. The walls of the room were white and padded. "Alright, Miss Pie, here's the thing. It simply isn't possible to ride a burp..."
"It is if it's an alicorn foal doing the burping and she has freaky weather control magic—"
"Yes, this whole alicorn foal thing again," the doctor said. "Tell me all about the alicorn foal."
"Well, her name is Velvet Frost and she's an alicorn and she's a foal and she looks kind of like a red velvet cake with white frosting which is funny because I told her mommy and daddy that when she was born and that's how she got her name and I made a big red velvet cake with white frosting for the new foal party I threw that night but anyway it turns out she's got really powerful weather magic and it makes crazy stuff happen all over Ponyville..."
"Now, Miss Pie..." the doctor said as she paused for a breath. "I think if an alicorn had been born recently, we would have heard about it. I mean, that would be the biggest news in all of Equestria..."
The door opened. "Doctor?" a timid-looking nurse pony with a stringy black mane said, shifting his front hooves nervously.
"Yes? This had better be important," the doctor snapped impatiently.
"Um...Miss Pie's story checks out," the nurse said. "There really is an alicorn foal in Ponyville, with weather control magic."
"No, there isn't," the doctor replied calmly.
"Uh...yes, there is," the nurse said.
"No. There. ISN'T!" the doctor replied sharply, eyes wide and bloodshot. "I am going to CURE. THIS. PATIENT. Of her delusions!"
Pinkie blinked. "I don't have any delusions, silly!"
"Yes. You. Do. Because. I. Say. You. D-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
The doctor fell to the floor like a sack of oats, a syringe sticking out of his rump. The nurse quickly unlocked Pinkie's restraints. "Better get out of here, fast," he said quietly. "Good luck."
"Thanks!" Pinkie replied before escaping the mental hospital at a full gallop.
* * * * *
"So after I got out of the loony bin..."
* * * * *
Pinkie stared at the endless gray mess of roads and buildings around her, ears flat and mane beginning to defrizz.
It hadn't taken long to learn she was in Hoofston, which was a long, long way from Ponyville. It was big and gray and boring, with roads that circled back on themselves a dozen times and made no sense; the sky was a dull gray because equally dull gray pegasi kept piling up dull gray clouds over the dull gray city.
As she tried to get her bearings, a baseball smacked her in the eye. "OW!" she cried, rubbing the fresh bruise.
"Sor-ry," a gray donkey wearing a Hoofston Asstros uniform called out, trotting over to her and picking up the ball in his teeth.
Twenty minutes later, a football bounced off her flank; she was immediately trampled by a stampede of bulls in blue helmets and jerseys.
After she regained consciousness, Pinkie smelled yummy food and wandered in the direction of the smell; she found herself in a building with a gleaming hard wood floor. She had only just realized she'd wandered onto a basketball court when she was buzzed by a pegasus dribbling a ball, who soared up and dunked it. "Hey," the pegasus called down to her, "no fans! Off the practice court, or I'll call security!"
"Sorry..." Pinkie replied. "Didn't mean to interrupt..." she trudged off the court. "By the way, that dunk sucked," she called back over her shoulder. By now, her mane had gone mostly limp.
By the time she finally managed to find a sign pointing her in the direction of Ponyville, she'd collected additional injuries from a soccer ball, a hockey puck, and yet another baseball. She nearly wept tears of joy when after hours of walking, she saw a sign that proclaimed:
NOW LEAVING HOOFSTON
"Worst. City. Ever ," she grumbled as she reared up and bucked the sign before venturing out onto the open road.
* * * * *
"I didn't have any money with me, so I couldn't take a train or a bus or a taxi or an airship or anything, so I just walked all the way back to Ponyville," Pinkie said. "And I kept getting lost, so it took a really long time to get home, and I couldn't buy any food, so I had to live off the land and sleep in parks like a bum. I actually met some bums. They had really mangy bums.
"But I saw a whole lot of neat places on my way home! Hosstin, San Anponio, Baltimare, Gnu Orleans, Chicagoat, Sacrapinto..."
Twilight took a step back. "Uhh...Pinkie...most of those places aren't anywhere between Hoofston and Ponyville. Some of them are on the other side of Equestria!"
"I KNOW!" Pinkie cried. "Like I said, I kept getting lost!" She nibbled at another cupcake. "It's good to finally be home..." She looked around. "So, when are Lavender and Sable getting back?"
Twilight looked sheepish. "Actually, we just got a postcard from them..."
Meanwhile, in Neighpon...
Twilight, We're having a wonderful time in Neighpon. Princess Celestia arranged the most amazing vacation for us! Please pass along our thanks...
* * * * *
//Welcome to Narata International Mareport,// an accented voice greeted over the public address system. //We hope you enjoy your stay in Neighpon.//
Lavender Rose and Sable Star, saddlebags stuffed to the seams, cantered through the crowded mareport, gawking at everything around them. "Wow, this is...incredible," Lavender said.
"It's packed," Sable grunted. "I've never seen so many ponies in one place."
Lavender pawed the floor nervously. "Do you...do you think it was a good idea? I mean, just leaving Velvet with—"
"We needed this," Sable said. "YOU needed this." He smiled. "Besides, Twilight Sparkle is the most organized, responsible pony I know, and the Princesses themselves are helping look after our little miracle."
"I know, but that just makes me feel more—"
"I know," Sable said, nuzzling her. "But trust me, nopony thinks you're a bad mother for needing some time away. A lot of new mothers take a vacation when their foals are a couple of months old. It's only natural."
"I guess..."
They waited in line to get their passports stamped; the tiny Neighponese mare at the passport counter greeted them with a polite, practiced smile and guided them through the process in clipped, efficient Equestrian. Once they were done, they moved on to the exchange counter, where they handed over their bits and received sealed plastic trays of small, shiny steel balls. "This is money here?" Lavender asked dubiously.
"Aa, hai," the exchange counter worker—a tiny Neighponese mare virtually identical to the one at the passport counter—said, nodding and bowing. "Ponichinko ball in Neighpon is same as bit coin in Equestria." She gestured with a hoof at a whiteboard on the wall. "Here is exchange rate. Please study and thank you."
"Thank you," Sable replied. They took a moment to memorize the exchange rate, but decided it was far too troublesome to count the strange Neighponese currency standing around in the mareport, so they took it on faith that they hadn't been cheated, stowed the ball trays in their saddlebags, and moved on.
The Narata Mareport was located in the bustling capital city of Edoe; on the flight, the Equestrian couple had learned that Neighpon was originally founded and ruled by deer, until the Sats-Uma Rebellion, where unicorns overthrew the Emperor and established equine rule. Despite this, they had retained many of the original names and traditions of the Edoe regime as a show of respect for their fallen foes.
Of course, to two tourists from Equestria, all that really mattered was that there were lots of sights to see and lots of shops to spend their bits—er, balls—in.
"So...what do we do now?" Lavender asked.
Sable considered this. "I'm honestly not sure," he replied. "I guess we find a place to—"
He trailed off; a large cardboard sign with their names written on it was floating over the heads of the herd of travellers.
The couple blinked, then looked at one another questioningly. Shrugging, they pushed their way through the milling crowd, headed for the beckoning sign.
They encountered a balding Neighponese unicorn stallion who was considerably smaller than Sable Star. He wore glasses with thick, square black plastic frames and sported a black suit jacket and necktie; his cutie mark was a Neighponese symbol they couldn't identify. As they approached, he adjusted his glasses. "You are...Lavender Rose-san and Sable Star-san?" he asked.
"Yes," Sable replied.
The Neighponese unicorn bowed. "My name is Umadakara. I am pleased to meet you. If it pleases you, I have been hired by Celestia-himesama to be your guide here in our country."
The Equestrian ponies blinked in unison. "Princess Celestia hired us a guide?" Lavender asked.
"Aa, hai," Umadakara said, bowing again. "You are most honored guests. Celestia-himesama wants you to have all comforts and courtesy our country has to offer during your stay." He turned and gestured for them to follow. "Dozo—aa, this way," he said.
With a shared shrug, the couple followed Umadakara through the main exit.
* * * * *
They rode the magic-driven unirail across town; Umadakara led them into the biggest hotel they had ever seen.
Well, the only hotel they had ever seen, actually.
"Welcome to Grand Kirin Hotel," Umadakara said. "You have Celestia-himesama's private royal suite for the duration of your stay."
"Wow," Lavender breathed. "This is..."
"I can't believe Princess Celestia went to all this trouble for us..." Sable said, eyes wide.
"Little trouble, little trouble," Umadakara deferred. "Celestia-himesama only visits Neighpon once a year, on the Winter Solstice. It is summer now, so she is far too busy..."
"Yes, of course," Sable nodded. "Still..."
"We have an old saying in Neighpon," Umadakara said. "Do not look a horse's gift in the mouth." At their blank expressions, he coughed. "It may lose something in translation." He smiled. "You get settled in now, rest. You must be tired from the long flight. I will come in the morning, take you on a tour of the city."
"Thank you very much," Lavender said.
Umadakara bowed. "It is my pleasure."
He handed over their room keys and bowed, walking off down a hall and disappearing around a corner. The two vacationers studied a map of the hotel, found their destination, and headed up to Princess Celestia's suite.
* * * * *
The couple had their first uninterrupted night of sleep in months on the extravagant bed in the royal suite. After a sumptuous Equestrian-style breakfast prepared by the hotel's five-star kitchen, Umadakara greeted them, and they left the hotel in a pony-drawn sedan for a tour of the sprawling metropolis of Edoe.
"It's so CUTE!" Lavender squealed. "What is it?"
She, Sable, and Umadakara were in a large, glittery, eye-searingly colorful store full of high-priced merchandise of every conceivable type. Presently, Lavender was enraptured by a plush toy of a yellow mouse-like creature with unnaturally long legs, a stubby tail, and lightning-bolt-shaped antlers.
"Ah, that is Shikachu, from Saddlebag Monster. It is a popular game with colts and fillies," Umadakara explained. "Shikachu is the series mascot, a deermouse."
"A deer...mouse?" Sable queried. "That's...a little weird."
"Well I think it's cute," Lavender said. "I definitely want one."
As they explored the colorful store, Lavender saw a few more things she just had to have, while Sable was mostly bored. By the time they escaped the store, Lavender had spent an entire tray of balls.
"Lunch will be my treat," Umadakara said as Lavender neatly stored her purchases in a saddlebag. "I know a most excellent place, you can try authentic Neighponese cuisine..."
"Sounds great," Sable agreed, his own stomach rumbling. "Lead the way."
After a twenty-minute sedan trip through the heart of the city, they arrived in a district that looked older, more careworn—a lot like Ponyville, actually, except distinctly Neighponese, with strange characters printed on signs, shop curtains, and hanging red paper lanterns, lots of bamboo and lacquered wood and ricepaper ingrained into the architecture, and Neighponese voices raised in conversation and laughter from within partially-open doors.
The group stopped in front of a rather small, quaint-looking establishment, and Umadakara ushered the tourists inside. "The big fancy expensive places are not worth the money," he explained. "You want good food—REAL food—you come to a place like this."
At the counter, a burly stallion with thick black eyebrows and a black mustache stood over a large, hot griddle. He had a twisted headband tied around his forehead and wore a loose white tunic; a broad, sharp knife was clenched in his teeth. "Irasshai," he grunted around the knife. His eyes then lit up with recognition. "Oi, Umadakara! Genki da na?"
"I am well, Umattori," Umadakara replied in Equestrian, subtly gesturing to his two guests. "I have two honored guests with me today. I have promised them fine, authentic Neighponese food."
"Uoooh, you are Equestriajin, no?" Umattori asked with wide-eyed interest in his customers. His Equestrian was heavily accented.
"Yes, we're from Equestria," Sable replied.
"This is Umattori Umanzo," Umadakara explained. "We are old friends." To Umattori, he added, "This is Sable Star-san and Lavender Rose-san." He said something in Neighponese which made the coarse earth stallion chuckle.
"Well, you come to best place for Neighponese food," Umattori said genially. "Tell me, what's your pleasure?"
"We don't really know anything about Neighponese cuisine," Lavender said sheepishly.
"Uso..." Umattori breathed in mock surprise. "Then it is my honor to fix that." He turned and roared out a harsh-sounding order to a pony loitering in the back room, then started rooting through a cooler behind the counter, pulling out various ingredients. The lazy-looking unicorn in the back trotted out, giving the two foreigners a once-over before shrugging and serving them piping-hot tea. He then drew a large mug of frothy beer for Umadakara before retreating into the back.
Umattori began slicing a massive, oblong white radish into thin strips. As he did so, he asked, "So, what do you think of Neighpon so far?"
"It's very...different from home," Sable said. "Very crowded and very...flashy."
Umattori laughed. "Hai hai, Edoe is a big, noisy, flashy city. I much prefer Okinara. That is where I am from. Smaller, quieter." He paused in his slicing, then snorted. "But boring. That is why I came to Edoe." He began pressing the sliced radish into shaped balls of sticky rice, then flattened them out into oblong shapes and wrapped them with dark, wet seaweed. He placed one of the wrapped concoctions before each guest, then busied himself with dicing numerous vegetables, which he scraped into a large bowl full of noodles. He added an array of sauces and spices to the noodles before dumping them out onto the griddle, where they sizzled tantalizingly. As he worked, the two tourists sampled the food in front of them.
"Very interesting," Sable commented. "What exactly is it?"
"Sushi," Umattori replied as he looped two small spatulas onto his forehooves and tended the frying noodles. "Eeeeto...vinegar rice, daikon radish, seaweed." He shrugged. "Simple recipe, not my best, but good introduction."
Over the next hour, Umattori presented the tourists and their guide with an increasingly impressive array of local cuisine. Although the portions were small, the sheer number of dishes he plied them with left them quite full by the time they paid their bill (Umattori had kindly given them a fifty percent discount) and left. Watching him cook had been an absolute delight, and he had been quite the conversationalist as well.
"I'm...a little drunk, so I'm going back to the hotel," Umadakara slurred with a hiccup as they left the diner. "The ponies pulling the sedan will take you anywhere you want to go; just let them know when you're ready to go back to the hotel." Waving a hoof, he flagged down a taxi.
Lavender and Sable opted to just let the sedan ponies haul them all around Edoe at a slow, steady pace, letting them take in the ambience of the city. They saw many interesting sights, and fortunately their surrogate guides spoke enough Equestrian to point out various sites of interest and answer their questions about the things they saw.
And they saw quite a few things indeed: ponies dressed similarly to Umadakara, colts in tight-looking, high-collared uniform jackets with brass buttons, fillies in pleated skirts with white blouses that sported naval collar-flaps and neckerchiefs of assorted colors, and young stallions with teased, feathered, dyed manes and bizarre makeup. In the more dense, urbane parts of the city, massive screens mounted on the sides of buildings depicted young, attractive mares dancing and singing.
There were vending machines EVERYWHERE.
"Drink vending machines, snack vending machines, cigarette vending machines, toy vending machines, CD and DVD vending machines...DIAPER vending machines?!" Lavender exclaimed in disbelief.
"We definitely need one of those back in Ponyville," Sable commented.
By night, they were utterly exhausted. Umadakara presented them with an itinerary for the next few days before they turned in for the night.
* * * * *
The following day, they attended a Sumo Pig wrestling match; that evening, they took in a Kabucki performance. The wild costumes and massive mane wigs the Kabucki actors wore made Lavender giggle. Sable had found the wrestling interesting; the Sumo Pigs were the largest creatures he could remember ever seeing.
The day after that, they had taken a train ride up to Fuji Apple Mountain; it was large and very impressive, and the apples sold by the local vendors were far sweeter and juicier than those they were used to back home.
The next day, they left Edoe and travelled to the city of Oatsaka. Umadakara had not gone with them; rather, they had met a new guide at the train station in Oatsaka, a dark-coated colt named Hayji. Hayji was quite friendly and knowledgeable, and a bit of a sports nut; during the five days they spent in Oatsaka, they took in six baseball games.
Hayji also taught them something Umadakara had neglected to mention: how to use the ponichinko parlors. By the time they left Oatsaka, they had three times as much money as they had entered the country with.
Their Oatsakan guide had accompanied them to the northern province of Hoofkaido, where they luxuriated in outdoor hot springs, and had even travelled with them to Okinara, a decision made in haste after they recalled their conversation with Umattori back in Edoe. Okinara had its own unique culture and flavor which seemed very different from the rest of Neighpon, while still being distinctly Neighponese; Lavender had bought several boxes of a local pastry called sata-andonkey to take back home as presents.
After three days in Okinara, they returned to Oatsaka, where they parted ways with Hayji after one more baseball game. The next day, they took the train back to Edoe; they still had a few more sights to see there, as well as some more souvenir-shopping to do before returning to Equestria.
"This...has been the best vacation ever," Lavender said as the two ponies nestled into the plush bed in Celestia's suite once more.
"Couldn't agree more," Sable said with a smile.
* * * * *
"...we've scheduled our return flight for the end of July, a few days later than we originally planned. Please continue to take good care of our little foal for us until we return," Twilight finished.
Pinkie snorted into her mane, eyes narrowed. "Okay, fine, but just so you know? I'm done with foalsitting."
Twilight backed away slightly, a sheepish look on her face. "Fair enough..."
Days passed, as days will. Thanks to Luna and Celestia, the only real crises involving Velvet Frost were of the usual variety: early-morning feedings, late-night diaper changes, the occasional inexplicable fever. And crying.
Lots of crying.
Velvet was entering a particularly cranky phase, where she would often cry for no apparent reason. Twilight and Cadance had spent more time awake than asleep since this phase began, sitting around the house tending to the foal, reading, and eating.
And eating. And eating.
"Ugh," Twilight groaned one morning as she shambled out of the nursery, down the stairs, and into the kitchen, opening the fridge with magic and levitating out milk, butter, and eggs. She plopped down at the table and hauled a skillet, utensils, and bread out of various cabinets, directing breakfast to cook itself with little real attention paid to what she was doing.
Cadance trotted downstairs a few minutes later and wordlessly hijacked the milk, pouring it over a bowl of incredibly sugary cereal.
Shining Armor looked up from where he was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. "You girls are a sad sight," he said.
His wife and sister glared at him. "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Cadance demanded.
"It means maybe you should...kinda go easy on the chow there, get a little fresh air, a little exercise?" Shining Armor suggested.
"Are you saying we're fat ?" Twilight asked dangerously.
"No, not at all! Well..."
"How'd you like to be gelded, dear?" Cadance asked sweetly, a knife wreathed in her magical aura.
"Please, like that threat'll work on me," Shining Armor scoffed. "Seriously, I'll take care of things today. Just...go out and get some exercise!"
Twilight sighed. "I suppose...it would do us some good..."
" Us?" Cadance asked dangerously.
"Do you REALLY want to ride that train, Cadance?" Twilight asked sweetly.
Shining Armor coughed. "Ladies?"
The two mares blinked, then had the grace to look sheepish. "Yyyyeah, let's...sorry," Twilight said.
"No, I'm sorry," Cadance replied.
There was a pause.
"Let's go visit Pinkie Pie," the mares said in unison, before cantering for the front door.
Shining Armor facehoofed.
* * * * *
Pinkie was chowing down on raw sugar when the two mares walked through the door. She raised an eyebrow. "Uhh...you two are lookin' a little lumpy in the rumpy," she stated bluntly.
Twilight groaned. "Not you too," she moaned.
"Give us a break," Cadance whined. "Foalsitting 24/7 is hard!"
Pinkie nodded sagely. "That's for sure." She hauled a thick, gooey chocolate cake off a shelf behind the counter and plopped it in front of the mares with a loud thud.
The three of them dove in with abandon. After a while, Twilight looked up at Pinkie, face covered in crumbs and icing. "Say, Pinkie," she asked, "how do you keep YOUR figure? I mean, you eat more sweets and sugar than anypony I've ever known..."
"Oh, I'm just naturally skinny," Pinkie replied happily. "I have a high metabolism. I can eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and never get even a little teeny bit flabby!"
"Lucky," Cadance grumbled, taking a large bite of cake.
"Weeeellllll...if you girls are really worried about your weight, I think Rainbow Dash is running some kind of fitness class on her off days..."
Twilight and Cadance looked at one another. "Seriously?" Twilight asked. "DASH is doing extra work?"
"Well...she was really disappointed in the pitiful shape the tornado team was in last year..."
* * * * *
A carriage, being driven by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, careened into a large rock, smashing against it, raining broken boards and bent nails everywhere. The stallions who had been pulling the carriage took off into the distance; the fillies inside it sat around, dazed.
Rainbow Dash descended upon them like a flurry of wendigoes, looking shabbier and more unkempt than anypony had ever seen her. She had cider sloshed all over her scruffy, somewhat mangy coat, her mane was in complete disarray, and her bloodshot eyes were hidden behind wraparound mirrorshades.
"Okay, I'm in a real bad mood this mornin'," the grungy, cider-breathed blue pegasus growled at the three fillies in the demolished carriage. "So your head is goin' up the driver's plot, her head's goin' up YOUR plot, and you...well, you drew the short straw, 'cuz your head's goin' up MY plot..."
"EWWWWWWW," the unicorn filly in the carriage said, giggling.
"CUT!"
Rainbow Dash screamed in frustration, pulling off her mirrorshades and throwing them at the ground in frustration. "SWEETIE BELLE!"
"S-sorry, Rainbow Dash," Sweetie wheezed out between giggles. "It's just...that...it's so..."
Rainbow's lips twitched, then she started laughing too. "Yeah, it is pretty..."
Nearby, a unicorn stallion with a pencil-thin mustache, a beret, and a cutie mark of a movie camera planted his forehooves on his flanks and assumed a haughty expression. "Ex-CUUUUSE me," he whined. "Any time you ladies are ready to do this thing for real—"
"Rainbow Dash!" a voice cut across the movie set, as two mares trotted right into the middle of the shot. The director pony threw up his hooves and stomped off to his trailer, grumbling.
Cadance watched him. "What's HIS problem?" she asked.
"Eh, give him time to cool down," Rainbow said dismissively, picking up her discarded mirrorshades and polishing them on her chest. "He's just mad 'cuz somepony keeps laughin' in the middle of shootin' this scene..."
"I said I was sorry," Sweetie replied petulantly.
"Shooting...scene?" Cadance asked, blinking. "What in Equestria—?"
"We're makin' a movie," Rainbow Dash replied brightly. "Didn't Twi tell you?"
Twilight blinked. "I don't think you told me, Dash."
"I didn't?" Dash replied, scratching her head in puzzlement. "Oh. Well, anyway..."
"So you're busy with this," Twilight gestured around, "so I guess Pinkie was wrong about that fitness class..."
"Oh, that?" Dash asked. "Yeah, that's still goin' on. I just handed it over to somepony else. Why, you interested?"
"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!!" a guttural male voice roared, startling them.
Dash glowered at the massively overmuscled, tiny-winged white pegasus stallion who was suddenly standing beside her. "I was askin' THEM , Snowflake. And shouldn't you be, y'know, runnin' the fitness class?"
"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!" Snowflake bellowed, spraying spittle at everypony, before galloping off to rejoin the exercise class.
Twilight and Cadance stared after him.
"Uhhh...I think we'll just skip on that..." Twilight said.
"Yeah. Um...good luck with your movie...thing," Cadance added.
"Okay! Later!"
* * * * *
Twilight sighed. "This is really depressing."
"Yeah."
"Hey Twi, hey Princess," Applejack drawled as she trotted up alongside them, a heavy basket laden with supplies strapped to her back. "What'chy'all up to?"
"Oh, hey Applejack," Twilight said. "We're just...trying to figure out what to do about getting some exercise."
The farmpony raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, y'all ARE kinda a sorry sight," she nodded. Then, she brightened up. "Y'all know whut's good fer a flabby fanny? Applebuckin'!" She reared up on her hind legs and gestured at herself with her forehooves, somehow managing to not upset her cargo. "See this? There ain't not one ounce'a fat on me!"
"Yeah, but...it isn't exactly applebuck season right now, is it?" Twilight asked.
"Actually, Ah got a crop o' goldens what done come in a mite early," Applejack replied. "Y'all're more'n welcome t' help if'n y'all want."
Twilight and Cadance looked at one another, shrugged, and followed Applejack back to the farm.
* * * * *
Three hours later, Twilight and Cadance left the farm, completely and utterly sore. "I hope...that was worth it," Cadance panted.
"Yeah...I'm sure we at least...worked off the cake...we had at Pinkie's..." Twilight replied.
"Maybe...we're going about this the wrong...way," Cadance puffed. "Maybe...we should...just...go on a diet..."
"You...have a point there..." Twilight agreed.
Derpy flew past the two tired mares just then, a tray of fresh, hot, steaming blueberry muffins balanced carefully in her forehooves.
Twilight and Cadance looked at one another.
"Hey, Derpy, wait up!"
"Share the muffins!"
