“Please! I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
Heavy armored boots hammered on the shimmering streets of the Crystal Empire. Ponies scattered out of the way as a massive Chaos Astrates marched towards the central palace. Before him the diminutive armored form of Twilight Sparkle, with Spike riding upon her back, tried in vain to plead with the hulking warrior.
“Negative, rumors of Slaanesh like activity will be dealt with immediately.”
“But they’re just rumors; should there be a formal investigation first?”
Pulling out his heavy bolter the Chaos Marine prepared himself for battle. “This is the investigation.”
It had started as a typical morning to Twilight. Picking herself up from the sidewalk where she had been ejected to from the Mechanicus headquarters; she had then proceeded to follow her instincts towards Gaela to vent her frustrations with a fellow herd member when her helmet had erupted in flashing notifications. Warnings of Slaanesh worship had sprung forth, and most troubling, they all indicated the origin of the rogue taint to be the Crystal Empire itself. Without so much of a plan, Twilight had teleported herself onto the transport heading North and now found herself trying to reason with the ‘investigator’ that had been sent. Her cry fell upon deaf ears though as the Astrates continued to stride towards the main city that made up the Crystal Empire.
“I know that this is all just a big misunderstanding! There’s no need for violence as I know that once we get there you’ll see that there’s absolutely nothing improper … going… on………..”
Twilight’s voice trailed off as she entered the city and took in the sights around her.
Everywhere she looked she saw what even she could only describe as hedonistic indulgence.
An entire group of ponies were making googly eyes at each other while mares and stallions nuzzled each other on the street only to trot away and start to nuzzle new ponies! At the café, single milkshakes had more than two straws in them! Couples held hooves only to switch to new partners within minutes! Ponies were entwining their tails with strangers! Nose boops everywhere! And the kissing booths! Out in broad daylight there were kissing booths right in front of foals!!
Pulling up her calendar on her HUD she frantically checked to see if there were some forgotten Crystal Pony holiday to explain the madness surrounding her, but to her growing horror she could find nothing to justify the absolute debauchery.
“Spike!” Twilight yelped as she clutched her assistants head, covering his eyes.
“Yeah Twilight?” Spike sighed in long suffering response.
“Was there some news or notification of a sanctioned and officially approved law to allow, to allow, well… Never Mind! We’ve got to get you out of here NOW!”
In a burst of magenta magic, Twilight disappeared only to reappear without Spike a second later.
“Sorry, I just couldn’t expose him to this… this… this….orgy of cuddles any longer!” Twilight sobbed as she turned towards the Astrates beside her.
“…..”
Rearing up, Twilight placed her fore hooves on the chest of the Iron Warrior as she pleaded with him. “Please, let me at least find my brother and sister-in-law, I’m sure they have nothing to do with this! Let me evacuate them before you call down the cleansing fire to purge this land.”
Seeing a slight nod to his head she gave a cry of relief as she galloped off to find her missing family members.
The Astrates on the other hand looked around at the scene of numerous ponies frolicking, nuzzling each other, and otherwise being cute and with a grunt, holstered his bolter gun.
Twilight continued to gallop through the streets, her heavy metal shoes echoing loudly against the magical crystal beneath her. Normally she would have been more careful with her steps, but with the city just minutes to becoming a blackened crater, she threw away her normal concerns for civil engineering. Trying to shut out the scenes of mass snuggling around her, she continued on until a voice called out to her.
“Twilly! What are you doing here?”
Stopping in her tracks Twilight immediately zeroed onto the voice of her brother, only to reel back at the sight before her.
Waving cheerily at her, Prince Consort Shining Armor and his wife, the Princess Cadance wore bright smiles as they beckoned her closer from the royal kissing booth set up beneath the royal palace. A long line of happy ponies stretched out awaiting the royal couple. Surrounding the booth were several ponies who had already met the duo, goofy grins on their faces as they rubbed their cheeks in dazed awe.
No such giddiness could be felt in Twilight though as the color drained from beneath her fur, which pretty much made it unnoticeable really. “Wha- What is going on?”
“Twilight, so glad you stopped by,” the pink pony princess of the Crystal Empire greeted her sister-in-law. “Shining gave me the idea!” Cadance gushed as she brushed against her proud husband. “He suggested that in this time of violence and bloodshed we should celebrate and remember the things we’re fighting to protect, like Love!”
Her eye twitching, Twilight took in the sight before her, “Yeah, love is great, really great, really. But you know what else is great? Monogamy. We really should focus on that, but there’s no time,” Twilight exclaimed as she snapped out of her confusion. “I’d love to discuss things further but we really need to go!”
Deciding to focus on one matter at a time Cadance turned to her husband with a rather concerned look. “Monogamy? Shiny, didn’t you give Twilight the Talk yet?”
“I’m pretty sure that Mom and Dad are responsible for that,” Shining replied rolling his eyes.
Twilight saw the Chaos warrior heading their way again and with a sudden burst of movement began pushing Cadance and Shining Armor away as she tried to buy them more time. “The Crystal Empire has fallen, but your two can still make your escape! Quickly run and renounce your scandalous ways! She whispered as she pushed the two and shoved an abstinence booklet titled ‘The Joys of Waiting for Sex’ into their hooves.
“Twilight, we’re already married.”
“It’s never too late to start a new trend!”
“Twilight, as your brother I never thought I’d ever say this but you need to get laid.”
Taking one last look at the scene before him, the Chaos worshipper opened a comm link he gave his report. “Command, this is Harold. Situation is PONIES. Repeat, situation is PONIES. Over.”
“This is Command, acknowledged. Come back to base, there’s no sense in you staying if it’s PONIES up there. Over”
Deep within the fortress lovingly called Ferry D by its equine inhabitants, a young operator turned to his supervisor. “Ponies sir?”
Giving a small grunt, his superior closed the channel and proceeded to cancel the Slaanesh alarms. “Yeah, for when a situation is so stupid that it’s better to just ignore it and get on with our lives rather than waste company resources and man power. It happens so damn much on this planet that we just decided to just give the whole thing a name. It’s a lot faster that way.”
“Huh,” his companion muttered as he thought about it. “Suddenly half my reports can be summed up with one word, alright!”
Deep within the Warp though, a malevolent existence leered hungrily down upon the world before it. So pristine, so innocent even with the touch of Chaos upon it; so ready for the tender touch of the Chaos god. Moving forward, Slaanesh reached out to finally make their presence known upon the world, only to be stopped by a massive barrier, the ancient yet powerful rune (TV-Y) flashing upon its surface.
“Are you @#$%@ kidding me! This is Bull$@#! Khorne is down there! You can't tell me that this is still valid! How the ($#@ is this happening?!”
And so, deep within the Warp, Slaanesh was blue balled as she/he struck impotently against the barrier protecting the world.
Else Where
Blinking in surprise, Isha took in the scene before her on the viewing portal. “That shouldn’t have worked. If anything Slaanesh was rughsh-, rieekt-, rooshet-“ Fighting the urge to hurl up her lunch at the thought of implying that Slaanesh was actually right about something, Isha amended her statement. “The whore god is not wholly incorrect. The bloodshed, war, and influence of other gods should have invalidated such a protective shield. How did it even get there to begin with? That world had no such thing when the mortal Warmaster set foot upon the world.”
Grunting to himself, Nurgle the Plague god of Chaos simply continued to stare upon Slaanesh, though to his eyes he could see the barrier slowly beginning to fail. It would only be a matter of time before that world felt the touch of the fourth Chaos god.
Seeing the lack of surprise upon her captors face, Isha looked once more upon the world of ponies, then back to the being holding her both captive and protected. “You? But …. Why?”
Slowly turning away, Nurgle seemed to contemplate the far wall before slowly moving away.
“Because we find this world is….nostalgic. A small bubble of what once was, before the Eye of Terror and the decimation of the Old Ones. Slaanesh would not understand this world for he/she had not been, as Khorne would put it, ‘murder fucked’ into existence yet. Shaanesh would only ruin it for everyone else; as she/he does to everything they become involved with.”
For a brief moment as the great Plague God spoke, his gaze seeming to stretch back into the past, Isha’s eyes widened as she beheld….something. So brief was it that even she had not been sure as to what it was she beheld, but for a brief moment she had felt…..
“Would you like to expand your cage?”
Startled, Isha looked on with disbelief. Surely she had not heard right? After all this time, long after giving up hope, could she have at last truly gone mad? Had her mind finally shattered and now began to hallucinate?
“Do not look so surprised. This is a unique world, and has evoked a unique feeling from deep within me. I shall grant you this one chance, but only once. Choose a single being upon that world before Slaanesh can arrive. Never can you give your name nor extend your power upon the material realm, but I shall allow your mind to touch but one creature, a single moral mind's worth of space to expand your cage by. Consider this a gift from me onto you.”
Shaking her head to clear her mind, the imprisoned Eldar goddess of nature focused back upon the cauldron within the center of the room. Peering into its depths she scanned the world shown within; a single pony, a single chance to expand her prison. Such a thing had never happened before, and to come from a being of cycles and Order like Nurgle, she could not squander this chance.
Everywhere though she could already see the influence of the Chaos gods. Khorne worship was growing at an alarming rate within the floating city of clouds as well as spreading to the pony military ranks wherever they went. Nurgle was deeply rooted in the mighty human fortress city and had also taken seed in the small community of ponies closely tied to the humans, but was incubating as well in smaller rural communities like a disease ready to break out into the surrounding areas. Even from beyond the barrier she could feel Slaanesh’s hunger for the decadent city of crystal and spires and shuddered at what she knew the bane of the Eldar would do to the innocents there. And in the Capital, beneath the very watch of the Sun Pony, she could trace faint but deeply entrenched lines of power that Tzeentch was stealthily laying down. Yet even as he worked in secret within the streets of so pure and noble a city, she caught the faintest echo of his power far away within the waste lands in a curious small town inhabited by oddly smiling ponies with equal signs upon their flanks.
Already the Chaos gods had made their claims, and with but a single pony, her own chance to do the same was as fragile as a candles flame within a storm. But she had to do this, not only for herself, but for her innocent children down upon the world. Casting her gaze once again upon the world she searched.
The princesses? The Sun princess would be an ideal choice. She could empower her presence within the warp and bypass the restriction to leave the material world alone. And with her followers she could make them the seed of a new religious order. She could guide them to purity and the natural order of things, reinforcing not only the ponies natural protections against the warp and their bond with nature but perhaps even share a bit of it with the human followers as well.
But without the ability to reveal herself or even her name, the Sun princess would naturally be suspicious and untrusting. And with only one chance to form a bond, any rejection would leave her back within her iron cage, her only chance squandered.
The Moon princess? The rewards would be smaller than her sister, but she would be more open to listening at least. The problem though would once again be her inability to reveal neither her true nature nor name. And from the look of it, the Moon princess did not have the best experience with voices within her head whispering to her promises of power and guidance.
The Twilight princess? Isha cringed, that one’s recent experiences with the Warp had left her a bit……paranoid? Phobic? Traumatized? Completely round the bend, shoot first while crying to her mommy and then run around screaming into walls crazy? Yes, that was it. Or at least she assumed it was due to the Warp. There had been hints of her being a bit eccentric even before the Warsmith had arrived.
The Love princess? Her own suspicion and dislike for the denizens of the Warp rivaled that of the Sun princess. But the chance to head off Slaanesh’s taint, to establish a counter force to her/his eventual landing upon the world was tempting to say the least. To be perfectly honest, the idea of just sticking it to the whore brought a sense of great satisfaction to her. But was it worth it when weighed against the odds of failure?
Moving on, the goddess continued to search. The consort to the Love princess? Or perhaps the small life growing within the Love princess’s womb? The young mind would be open and free of any prejudice or bias and would prove the perfect opportunity to mold and guide into an ideal champion or prophet. Perhaps that was why each of the Chaos gods already on the world had chosen to converse with a young foal. But could she afford the time it would take for the young one to be born and grow?
Broadening her scope she looked. A musician here, a confectioner there, isolated towns to busy cities she looked. But did it even have to be a pony? What of the dragon assistant to the Twilight princess? The buffalo, griffons, changeling, zebra, or Minotaur’s? Though her warden showed no sign of impatience, she dared not risk making him wait. From horizon to horizon she scanned until at last she closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she chose.
“As by your will.” Her companion spoke as he beheld the being shown within the cauldron.
Placing her hands upon the rim of the cauldron, a scant few spaces away from the Plague lords own, Isha turned to look at him, her gaze silently asking permission. A simple nod was her reply. Nodding back, she looked once again upon her only hope. There were no guarantees, and even if her chosen accepted her, there was no telling what fate might befall them within this changing world. All it would take would be an accident or momentary loss of faith. So fragile was life. The smallest of calamities could end things before anything came to fruition. But the choice had been made, and she would see it through to the end.
Author's Note
Ever had an idea that seemed good at the time but as you began to write it just sort of became 'eh' and you weren't sure if you should continue? I figure I needed to get this out though. Please let me know what you think.
As to why Nurgle's speech isn't messed up, the Warp did it.
