Mid Pleasures and Palaces Though We May Roam

Andrew, Twilight, and Rarity were led up the stairs of one of the castle towers. Visitation rights had been granted, but there was a limit on how many could visit Melissa at a time.

It struck them as strange that Melissa was not interred in the actual prison, but locked up like a princess in a tower. Andrew mentally kicked himself for even thinking that. She’d probably kick me for real…

It was also strange that Twilight had volunteered to visit Melissa first, considering their tense relationship.
No one had asked. Things hadn’t been right amongst the group since the argument the other night.

At last they arrived at one of the tower chambers, with several locks and bolts over it. The guard knocked on it, “Visitors!”

“Call if you need any help.” the guard winked at Rarity as he opened the door.

Melissa was sitting on the bed that didn’t quite fit humans, flipping through a book from the bedside. She looked up with exhaustion, “Hey guys.”

Andrew and Rarity quickly moved over.

“Melissa, darling! Are you alright?” Rarity inquired.

“You look like...well, like the cops beat the hell out of you.” Andrew said.

“By Celestia…” Twilight whispered, seeing the bruises and cuts covering Melissa’s face, “I’m sorry...Is there anything I can do? Oh...” she couldn’t think of anything else to say, “I am sorry.”

“Are you?” Melissa glared.

Twilight was a little taken aback at the hostility. She couldn’t have known about her doubts...could she?

Before anyone could say anything, Melissa looked up beside her, focusing in on something no one could see. She looked back at the unicorn somewhat apologetically, “Ah shit. Cthulhu, I’m sorry, Twilight.”

She flopped back on the bed. “Coffee withdrawal, migraines, and--” one explosive sneeze, “--and a cold. I’m doing real great here.”

“It’s quite alright, darling,” said Rarity, “You’re under a lot of stress.”

“No, no it’s not.” Melissa argued, “I’m such an asshole, goddammit I’m an asshole! I’ve been yelling at everyone, I’ve been rude as hell! But now it doesn’t matter, I guess! I’m gonna be executed!”

“Executed?!” the others exclaimed.

“Yeah! She’s gonna have me killed because of my fucking hair!” Melissa reached up and painfully tugged out a strand from her red streaks. “Oh look, it’s hair dye!” she gestured at the pattern visible, the top layer red but the bottom strand turning to blond. It was amazing the artificial colors had lasted this long. Eventually, her hair would revert back to normal.

“Well, the streaks are kind of confusing. It does look like a pony mane…” Andrew pointed out.

“Dude, it wasn’t the streaks she was worried about. It’s the fact that my hair is this color.”

“How did you manage that, anyway?” Andrew wondered curiously, “Isn’t the military pretty strict about hair?”

She shook her head, “It’s mostly natural. My mom was blond, my dad was a redhead, I got this. Whenever I go out in the sun, some of it turns to light streaks. I just had highlights added because...reasons. The drill sergeants didn’t believe it was natural, actually, not until I spent a while outside.”

Her anger flared again, “But does the big white bitch care? No! Ten thousand Shoggoths, excuse me for simply having hair!”

The ponies were glaring at her for what she had called their queen. Andrew was tugging at his shirt collar.

“Melissa…”

“Oh, shut up!” Melissa barked...at an area of air 30 degrees away from Andrew.

He waved at her, “Um...I’m over here.”

“I’m not talking to you!” she shook her head and rubbed her eyes.

Rarity turned in the direction she’d been looking, and her face lit up at the empty air.

“Oh, pardon my manners, sir! Shame on you, Melissa, for not introducing us! Good day to you!”

After a moment of stunned silence, Rarity nodded, “Very well, thank you. I so apologize for my lack of--”

“Uh, Rarity?” Andrew asked, “Who are you talking to?”

“Why, to Melissa’s friend here, of course,” she gestured to the air, “He is very well-mannered.”

“Rarity, there’s no one there.” Andrew pointed out, a little afraid for the unicorn’s mental state. He looked at Melissa, “Do you know what she’s talking about?”

Melissa hesitated, shirking from eye contact, “Uh...Rarity? What exactly are you seeing? Are you saying that there’re more than four people in here?”

“Well, if our spells work for you, then of course.” Twilight said, looking at the humans like they were the crazy ones.

“Rarity, you see him too!?” Melissa burst out.

“But of course, I’m your legal counsel.”

Melissa scrunched up her face, “What?”

“I am your lawyer.” Rarity clarified.

“Since when?”

“Since you were arrested.” Rarity looked at Melissa like she was the crazy one.

“Great Old Ones preserve me…” Melissa groaned, “How? How are you a lawyer?”

Rarity ignored the hostility, “Darling, it’s really quite simple. I gained a license as a private investigator years ago--”

“What? Why?”

“That’s not important. After getting my license, I got tired of seeing ponies without lawyers completely lose their case despite plenty of evidence in their favor, and decided to help alleviate this problem by getting a degree in law as well.”

It all became clear to Melissa, “Oh, you don’t have public defenders yet.”

Andrew shook his head, interrupting, “I hate to bring us back to matters of mental stability, but could someone please explain what the hell you two are talking to?!”

Melissa looked at the spot in the air, then rolled her eyes. “Right, right, I’m sorry...Silverbolt, Andrew. Andrew, Silverbolt.”

“This is not helping in the least! This is in fact, doing the opposite!”

Twilight raised her eyebrows in concern, “Andrew, calm down! This is perfectly normal!”

“What is?! Rarity’s talking to thin air!”

Melissa let out a huff, “No, she’s not. I know it sounds crazy, but…” she looked embarrassed, “Um...okay, you ever seen the show Quantum Leap? Scott Bakula’s in it?”

“No…”

“Damn. Okay, remember Harvey in Farscape?”

“Scorpius’ clone in Crichton’s head, of course.” Andrew replied.

“Now, have you seen Transformers Beast Wars?”

“Maybe…”

“Well…” Melissa scratched her head. There was a twinge of pain in her expression, “Apparently, as part of my rehabilitation, I kinda sorta...have a character from that show installed in my head, acting as Harvey, or Al Calavicci from Quantum Leap. Somehow, Rarity can see him.”

Andrew stepped away from both of them, “What.”

Twilight looked confused, “Andrew, you don’t know about Incarceration Assistants? Prison Buddy is the colloquial term.”

“I’ve got a fucking transformer in my brain, you macrocephalic baboon!” Melissa snapped, her patience wearing thin, “Silverbolt from Transformers is in my head! He appears as a hallucination, and my legal counsel can see it!”

“Are you sure you’re not just..y’know…?”

Melissa looked at Twilight, “Can I kill him? Please? I swear it won’t take long. Unless you want it to. I can make him suffer with a butter knife...”

“No, please don’t. We need him to clean out pipes in town.”

Melissa snorted a small chuckle, surprising all parties.

She lapsed back into grim, “Okay, where’s my pen...ah.” she grabbed a piece of paper, and quickly drew something out. “Here.”
Andrew took the drawing, and looked at the mechanoid depicted. “He’s a transformer? Really? With the dog head? I thought they were all robot-y and stuff.”

Melissa glared at him, and nudged toward the apparition with her head, “I think that might be racist. Or something. Anyway, why the hell do you think it’s called Beast Wars? They crashed on prehistoric Earth, but there was too much energon, and they had to create alternate forms based on the most powerful local creatures for protection. Silverbolt’s stasis pod took a lot of damage though when the Vok knocked it out of orbit, and so he’s a bit of a griffin. Replace the lion with wolf, though.”

She was used to the stares she was receiving. Classmates had been giving it for a long time.
“Oh, his voice actor, Scott McNeil, cameoed in SG-1, the episode with Mitchell having to pretend to be that assassin. But...damn dude, you don’t know about Beast Wars? What was your childhood like?”

He opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a hand, “Wait, no, never mind, I have a pretty good idea, Dr. Jackson.”

Andrew stared at the image a moment more, “So...you both can see him? It’s not just Melissa losing her mind?”

“Way ahead of you on that, but no, he’s not a product of my imagination.” replied Melissa.

“Wait a minute,” Twilight interjected, “Why do you think you’re going to be executed?”

Melissa threw up her hands, “Gee, let me think. Oh, that’s right, being accused of about a dozen crimes in a monarchy! Andrew, help me out here. What’s the most common result?”

“Among human monarchies? It really depends…”

“But execution for very little reason was very common, yeah?”

“Ye--”

She gestured at him, “Y’see?”

“Melissa, the queens are not in the habit of executing ponies.” Rarity said firmly.

“Ah, but what about homo sapiens? We don’t technically qualify as sentient beings, do we?” she gripped her head, grimacing with pain, “Ah...fuck.”

Rarity tried to explain more, but Melissa jumped up off the bed and walked over to the window.

“Maybe she won’t execute me. The worst that’ll happen is I’ll be interrogated for every little ounce of information packed in my pretty little head.” she suddenly cried out, and held her head with both hands, “Tap-dancing christ, ow!”

“Why would they want to interrogate you?” Andrew asked.

“There are those factions who believe your people are preparing to invade…” Rarity pointed out.

“Yes, that’s one.” Melissa turned back, her eyes boring into Andrew, “Do you ever listen to a word I say? Didn’t you read Destroyermen, Axis of Time, The Human Memoirs, The Lost Regiment, Time’s Eye? 21st century humans are of the highest value. What is cutting-edge here is high school science to us. ‘When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.’ Arthur C Clarke. It might not fit exactly, but it’s a good basis for my point.”

“Of course that information is valuable,” Twilight agreed, “But if that’s the only goal, why go to all this trouble?”

“Monarchies are rarely ever quite sane. Now, let’s ignore Celestia’s bizarre personal hatred for me, and think of other areas. The lower levels of monarchies are made up of nepotism and corruption.”

Andrew held up a finger, “Not always--”

“Most of the time, they are. Usually if the citizens don’t have a say in how the government is run.”

“But we do, we--” Twilight tried to explain, but Melissa rubbed her face.

“Fine! Starting over. Lower levels of governments will occasionally have factions with their own agendas. Happy?”
She looked at the air beside her, “Yes, I was getting to that. Thank you, Silver. Some of these factions might not be a result of the government itself, just spies from other nations. But regardless, there are those who want to exploit people with superior knowledge for their own gain. Specifically, warfighting capabilities.”

“There hasn’t been all-out war for decades!” Twilight exclaimed, “The Equestrian government would never--”

Melissa shook her head sadly, “The storm is coming, and soon. The pressure is building in a way we’ve seen before. Technology, cultural, diplomatic, economic…”
She and Andrew exchanged knowing looks, “It may not be your government, it may be others, but someone somewhere is going to want to exploit our unusual status for their own gain. They’ll want weapons, they’ll want vehicles, they’ll want power. And we’ve got a lot of those, if only concepts. I saw your people working on internal combustion engines, if I gave even the slightest of hints, I could shave years off their time.”

“Excuse me, but how does this connect back to the trial?” Rarity interjected.

“This is what they want,” Melissa claimed, “Whoever is making those stupid claims about invasion wants to use me as part scapegoat, part well of information. ‘Oh no, the aliens are coming, we must build up the military! This agent will prove useful in upgrading our defenses! Now we need a buffer zone, why let our nice new guns no one else has go to waste?’”

“Darling, while that’s certainly a concern, the matter of your imminent charges takes precedence. Namely, this Sunset Shimmer person.”

Melissa twitched at the name. “I am not her. Anymore than Silverbolt is the peacock.”

Blank stares.

“Never mind. S...that pony and I are not the same.”

“Regardless, the justice system believes you are. We must prepare.”

Melissa sighed, “This is gonna be real fun.”

XXXXX

Luna, Queen of the Night and second in line of succession to the leader of all of Equestria, watched her sister pace across the throne room with growing concern.

“I think they did something to her,” Celestia mused, “To her mind. She truly believes she is human, and our examinations insist that she is. But that just can't be it. They are far too similar.”

“Sister, could it really be that impossible of an idea that she might be who she says she is?” Luna suggested.

Celestia shook her head, “Yes, it is impossible. There is nopony else with that mind, that creativity and cleverness. She walks the same, talks the same.”

Luna commented, “If it walks like a duck, but doesn't think or look like a duck, is that enough to confirm that it is a duck? I've been in her dreams, and studied the materials I was provided. She might have some passing similarities, but otherwise this human is just that. A human.”
Luna hadn't been around during Sunset Shimmer's incident, and had only the word of others to describe the unicorn. She liked to think that gave her a more objective and neutral standpoint on the issue.

“Dreams aren’t admissible in court.” Celestia pointed out, “But I know it’s her. Have you really looked at her, Luna? Her mane, her face, her walk...Slightly different, but the details are there.”

“The way in which a pony walks is not admissible in a court of law either. I have never seen Sunset Shimmer's face, and in case you hadn't noticed, the red is starting to come out of her mane. It's something called hair dye, intended to last a long time but not permanent. That is no pony mane.”

“Who knows what horrible things those creatures have done to her.” Celestia said somberly. She trotted over to a window, gazing out at the frozen landscape.
“You should have seen the look in her eyes, Lulu. Even just before she left I never saw that much fear. She wasn't afraid. She was terrified.”

“Did she say why?” Luna asked, trotting over.

“No. Her alienist--have you seen her alienist? It’s a strange ‘mechanoid’ creature, a...Cybertronian, known as Silverbolt. He did explain that she was under a great amount of stress, but there was something else...another fear. She also refused to answer to her name, it seemed to create a great deal of anger in her.”

“Are you sure you’re not projecting, Tia?” Luna asked hesitantly, “I mean, are you sure you’re not just trying to ease your conscious with this mare? We may be prosecuting an innocent.”

“She knew about Nightmare Moon, Luna. She knew more than Twilight knew before her return, she knew that you two were connected. She even recited one of the old nursery rhymes spawned by our disagreement. Now how would an alien know that?”

“According to Twilight’s notes, there was some sort of psychic connection between their land and our own.” Luna pointed out.

“Yes, but her friend Andrew said he had no knowledge of that specific link. He knows of a few examples of things aesthetically similar to our own world, but nothing anywhere near as specific as the knowledge she displayed.”

Luna shook her head, “That’s hardly fair evidence. We only have two samples of humanity, from two different parts of a country three times the size of our continent, from a widely different culture. Surely one could have known something the other didn’t.”

Celestia did not comment. She sat on her hindquarters, and continued to look out at the landscape.

Luna sat as well, “What was Sunset like? Before she left, I mean.”

Celestia sighed, “She was...interesting. I kept her and Twilight’s educations apart for reasons of my own. They both had such promise, such potential. And they were so similar, in many respects. Their intelligence, their power, their self-reliance, and their…” she smiled with memory, “antisocial behavior. Though where Twilight is humble, Sunset was the opposite. Twilight is quite kind, but Sunset was condescending at best. However, despite her flaws, Sunset was also very determined, and stubborn, an admirable level of persistence. I was eventually planning to have them meet, in fact, hoping some of their qualities would rub off on one another. Unfortunately, circumstances threw all my plans out the window.”

“How did she escape?” Luna asked, “I find it hard to believe even a unicorn equal to Twilight could evade you and the entire Household Division.”

Celestia replied, “That was the official story. If word got out of what truly happened...it would be a major security breach, and possibly a threat to national security.”

“By the stars, what happened?” Luna demanded, “was it that bad?”

“She had broken into a secure archive. The research on alicorns. Several guards were escorting her to a cell, when she escaped and retreated deeper into the archives.”

“But she’d be trapped.” Luna pointed out.

“That was what the guards thought, but she found the mirror.”

“The mirror?” Luna inquired.

“A portal to another world. We do not know what is on the other side, and it only opens for three days every thirty moons.”

Luna stuck to the topic at hand, ignoring her amazement, “If that’s true, and if this human is Sunset, how’d she get get back without us knowing?”

“I don’t know,” Celestia replied, “But how much do we know about humans? They could have found a way to return her without it.”

“But why? To what end? Why send her back like this?”

“I don’t know. It could be their method of controlling her.”

“And if she is not Sunset, what then?” Luna proposed.

“Then we prepare for war.”

Luna gaped, “Sister, what has gotten into you? Let us look at the evidence. Two humans have appeared, one of whom happens to have a passing resemblance to an old pupil, and the other who has been here far longer I might add, has displayed no major aggressive tendencies beyond self-defense. Two humans, after a thousand years, and your immediate conclusion is that they are preparing for war?”

“It’s not just them. Have you read the intelligence reports in the Southern Sea?”

“The usual reports of strange craft, of course.”

“A human combat unit could be down there. This initial claim of a ‘bright light’ bringing them here might be fabricated, their actual means of deployment being from human aircraft. Or they could have even been transported from there to the Everfree Forest using that light.”

Luna shook her head, “Tia, this is madness. Two humans, and strange craft that have been reported for over three centuries in an unexplored area. How is that evidence of an alien incursion?”

Celestia furrowed her brow, “...when you put it like that, I suppose that isn’t much, is it?”

“And how do we know humanity would be hostile? You remember the legends as well as I do. It is right to be cautious, but this is downright paranoid.”

“I remember the legends, Lulu, but my faith in those has been shaken recently.”

Luna pressed, “Tia, this human--”

“It was not her.” Celestia conjured up a slip of paper, with directions scrawled on them. Passing it to Luna, she explained, “there is something I haven't been telling you, and I apologise for that. A project we've been running for a long time. Section 13. I think you may wish to see it.”