Mid Pleasures and Palaces Though We May Roam

In spite (or as a result) of her release from Discord’s control, Melissa suffered a mental breakdown. Flashbacks, paranoia, and hallucinations. Mood swings and extreme fear.

Despite the Equestrian understanding of the mind being poorer than that of their Terran counterparts, they did know how to treat certain mental ailments. They offered plenty of support for the poor woman in her time of need.

Her equipment was returned, Silverbolt returned to her mind, and she was visited almost hourly by several members of the Mane Six, all concerned for her well-being.

Andrew stayed with her continuously, being just about the only person she could talk to who would know what she was talking about.

Days after the trial, Celestia paid a visit to Melissa, out of a feeling of obligation, and empathy for a fellow individual in pain.

Andrew passed her on his way out of Melissa’s room in the hospital, to catch a few hours of sleep and charge another electronic device.

“Oh, uh, hello.” he greeted awkwardly, still not knowing how to act around her.

“Hello, Mr. Shepherd. Is she awake?”

“Yeah...uh, yes, your highness! Just a heads up, if you’re going in there...just know she’s not in her right mind. Remember that if she does anything.”

She dipped her head, “I will remember that.” and trotted into the room.

The room was fairly normal, but with a little less space available. Most ponies didn’t have Melissa’s size, and the retrofitted bed made for her took up quite a bit of space.

Melissa was sitting up in bed, a laptop off to one side, a calculator in one hand, and a pencil in the other. Diagrams and math scribbles covered the papers lying on the bed. She looked exhausted, her eyes red and dark circles under her eyes. A tray of food, bones of chicken stripped bare and a few specks of rice lay off to one side.

Silverbolt was standing off to one side, hand on his chin, considering the human. Noticing Celestia walking in, he stepped over.

“Your highness, though she might not say it now, Corporal Foster would like to extend her deepest apologies for everything that has happened, for everything that was said, in particular the, uh…” he tugged at a non-existent collar, “the comment in reference to human reproductive, eh, details.”

Celestia dipped her head, “And I accept them, Senior Aviator. It was not really her speaking, Discord was controlling her mind. There is nothing to be angry about.”

Silverbolt grimaced, and said in a low voice, “Your majesty, I’ve tried explaining that. So have several others. To no avail.”

Celestia was a little saddened by that, “Well, I hope the genuine article can clear it up some.”

Silverbolt shrugged, “You may try.” and stepped aside.

Queen Celestia trotted over quietly, like a forgiving mother whose child had just had a tantrum.

Melissa continued writing, entering a few commands into a spreadsheet on the laptop.

Silverbolt was on the other side of the bed, “Melissa, Celestia is here.”

No snarky comment, which was more off putting than her silence. There was nothing, only a weak nod of the head.

Celestia did her best to sit on the end of the bed, more a lean with her forelegs tucked underneath her, “Hello, Melissa.”

Melissa finally turned to look her in the eyes. She shook her head as if coming out of a trance, and her eyes bugged out. “Oh! Ce--your highness!”

She struggled to rise and salute, tottering on her feet as she came to attention. Celestia quickly waved for her to sit down, “You’re ill, you don’t need to get up.”

Melissa slowly sank back onto the bed, nearly sitting on a piece of paper. Looking at the mess as if for the first time, she started sweeping the pages up, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting company. I’ve been busy.”

Celestia picked up one of the pieces of paper. On it was a diagram of something called an internal combustion engine.

“I thought you were hesitant to give us new technologies,” the queen commented.

“Things change.” Melissa muttered.

Taking the diagram from Celestia, Melissa stopped moving. She looked back at Celestia, and blinked several times.

Looking at the papers in her hands, she reorganized them and sat down. Her eyes locked on the cast around Celestia’s knee.

She shifted away until she hit the wall of the room, pulled her knees up, and buried her face in her hands.

Celestia half-heartedly reached out, then withdrew her hoof. “My word...I am sorry for all of this, Melissa. I’m sorry for what has befallen you, and for all that you have been through.”

Her voice muffled, Melissa let out a whimper, “Uh-huh.”

“None of it was your fault. nopony blames you, it could have been any of us.”

“Uh-huh, of course. By the Elder Gods, Just put me six feet under now and get it over with.”

Celestia squinted in confusion, looking at Silverbolt. He sighed, “Human burial tradition is to place the body six feet underground.”

“Oh! No, no, no, no one’s going to hurt you!” the queen said quickly, “What would make you think that?”

“Paranoia is one symptom of what she is experiencing,” Silverbolt explained, “Though the doctors have been unable to determine whether or not this is her pre-existing paranoia.”

“Melissa, no one wants to hurt you. Everything’s alright now, you don’t have to be afraid.”

Celestia reached out to touch Melissa on the arm, but the marine flinched and squirmed away.

“Why are you so afraid of me?” Celestia inquired quietly, “In all my years, there are few that have been quite as afraid as you are.”

That brought no coherent response.

Silverbolt grimaced, “Another symptom of what she’s going through. Extreme fear.”

“But even before she became ill she was afraid, and it went deeper than Discord’s influence. Why?”

Silverbolt glanced at Melissa, who was looking at him with one eye. She nodded, gesturing to Celestia with her head.

“She fears your wrath, despite knowing how good you are. In human history there have been many occasions of monarchs with very poor tempers, who have executed prisoners for very little cause. That is one thing she fears.”

“But I have never done such a thing--”

“She knows that. She’s feeling guilty.”

“Guilty? But...Melissa, it wasn’t your fault, not at all. It could have happened to anypony.”

Melissa croaked, “But it couldn’t have been anyone else. And it didn’t happen to anyone else. It was just me, and only me.”

“You don’t know that--”

“I don’t?” Melissa lifted her head, her eyes red and fresh tears spilling down well-worn channels, “It’s simple logic, really. I was the only one with the training, the weapon, the physical strength, and the...bad resistance to mind control.”

“Why do you think it was your fault?”

“Because it was, dammit. My fault. If I’d been able to fight him off, those guards and civilians might still be alive. I know I had no control, that I didn’t pull the trigger, but I sure as hell can be blamed for it. And if I don’t, everyone else will.”

“Melissa, there are few who can fight off an attack like that. Especially--”

“But I know how to fight off mental attacks! It’s very simple! I know how, I should have, I should have been able to, but I couldn’t stop him! He got in my mind, and used me to kill and destroy, and I couldn’t stop him! I should have been able to stop him! I tried. I tried so hard. But I wasn't strong enough! I wasn't good enough! I should have been able to stop him. I should, I should."

She was weeping now, rocking back and forth as she gasped for air, “My fault, my fault, my fault…”

Melissa felt a strange warmth envelop her, and a wing draw her close into an embrace. “No, it’s not your fault.” Celestia said soothingly and firmly, “It’s not your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. Nopony is to blame here but Discord.”
The forgiveness and sweetness and light in her voice only made Melissa cry harder, unable to keep all her emotions within her and completely overwhelmed.

For a long time Celestia sat there, holding the sobbing human, simply offering her presence.
Finally, she spoke, “I may not know much about mental conditions, but I do know this. If you do not address the problem, it will only get worse. Perhaps you should talk to your friends. I get the sense it will help.”

XXXXX

Here they were again. Three species, seven people. Sitting as they had the previous days, around the fire.
Andrew was staring at the fire, brooding on his experience, his significant others on the same couch this time.

Applejack broke the silence, looking at Rarity, “I haven’t been to see Melissa, lately. How has she been since...y’know…”

“She hasn’t been doing well. She’s healing, but he hurt her in ways that don’t show up on the surface.”

“She had a minor mental breakdown.” Andrew did not look up, still staring into the fire, “She’s been extremely depressed, and anxious. Keeps jumping between self-hatred and regret.”

“Understandable, given what she’s been through.” Twilight pointed out.

“Is there anything we can do?” Pinkie Pie inquired, “Maybe I should…”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Rainbow Dash said quickly, “The doctors are worried about ‘too much excitement’.”

“Too much excitement? Quit joking around, that’s impossible!”

Andrew explained, “Mental breakdowns can have some adverse physical effects on humans, including high blood pressure and increased anxiety. You might give her a heart attack.”

He hesitated a moment, before continuing, “What Discord said about all of us really hurt her. I think she’s been avoiding most of you. Except for the two ponies she couldn’t avoid,” he gestured to Rarity and Dash, “She’s afraid of what you might think.”

“She was under Discord’s control, we can’t blame her.” Applejack insisted, “What does she think we’re going to do?”

The door at the end of the common area slammed open. Light streamed in, revealing a familiar silhouette standing in the doorway.

Dressed in a hospital gown and her beloved N7 jacket, Melissa made tiny steps toward the assembled group. The light from the door cast an eerie glow through the half-empty bottle she held in her hand.
Rainbow Dash zipped over to a nearby armchair, and dragged it over to the fire, where Melissa accepted it without protest.
She sat down, held up the glass she clutched in her other hand, and filled it. The liquid had the distinct smell of wine.
Melissa drained the glass in one gulp, then immediately poured more in.

“Is that alcohol you’re drinking?” Rarity asked, furrowing her brow.

“Yep.” another drained glass. Refill.

“Why are you drinking wine?” Andrew inquired, watching with concern as the liquid content in the bottle dropped further and further.

“Because that’s what people with celiac disease and who’ve been possessed by demons of chaos do, okay? Sorry we can’t all...something something, I don’t know. Jack is hard at work, here.”

“Who’s Jack?” Rainbow Dash asked, “Friend of AJ’s?”

“Yeah, she would know.” Melissa hiccuped loudly.

“How are you feeling?” Twilight asked hesitantly, “We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“How the flying fuck do you think I’m feeling?” Melissa took another shot. “I’m a worthless and awful piece of shit. I’m glad everyone knows that now. Thanks a lot, Discord, really cleared that up.”

She put the glass to her lips again, and was surprised when nothing came out. “But you’re the only people around who can stand the sight of me, so...fuck it. Go ahead and yell at me. It’s what I deserve.”

Fluttershy drifted over hesitantly, hovering above the ground, “We don’t blame you for what Discord said. He’s made us do awful things before. We know what it’s like.”

Melissa looked at the pegasus. For an instant, everyone braced for an explosion, for the marine’s famous temper to break through.

“You have no idea what it was like.” the empty glass in her hand clattered to the floor, rolling across the carpet. She began drinking straight from the bottle, “I don’t know what Discord has done to my brain. I don’t know how long he’s been manipulating me. It could have been when I first came through that portal. My brain’s a mess. Nothing feels right anymore.”

She pulled out her phone, “I’ve been trying to figure things out from my notes. Everything feels right...but what if that’s just what he wanted?”
Slumping, the marine closed her eyes, “It’s all my fault. Everything, everyone who’s dead, the chaos, the destruction, my fault.”
Her temper returned briefly, much weaker than it had ever been, “I know everyone thinks it’s not, and I may not have pulled the trigger, but I sure as fuck could’ve fought harder. If I’d been able to keep him out..."

She was crying again, and noted that it was the first time in a while she’d been embarrassed to be doing so in the presence of so many others.
Rainbow Dash trotted over and gave her a hug. “It’s never easy, Mel. It never is, dealing with this stuff. Believe it or not, we’ve all been through something like what you’ve been.”

“It’s not the same…”

“Getting shot in the chest and surviving isn’t much different from being shot in the arm, now is it?” Rainbow pointed out. “Different wounds, still a whole lot of pain.”

“Yeah…”

Rainbow released her friend, and forced her over to sit next to her on the chair’s armrest. “You know we’ve all been under Discord’s control, right? That’s the shot in the arm. You may have had it worse, you were possessed by him. That’s the shot in the chest. You lived though, right?”

Melissa drained the rest of her bottle of liquor.
“You know, all my life I thought I could handle everything, and fix any problem. But when he was in my head, I realized there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless.”

“When we were being controlled, I had a similar experience.” Rarity said, staring at the fire. “To lose all control like that…”

“It’s awful.” Pinkie said, “I can’t even think about what happened. I couldn’t sleep right for a weeks.”

Fluttershy spoke, her voice cracking, “I couldn’t believe the things I’d said, the things I’d done.” her voice gave out, and she leaned against Andrew for comfort.

“Yeah, verbal abuse. That’s comparable to shooting people.”

Twilight shot a dirty look at the marine, “Really? You think that’s all she did?”

“Yeah…?”

Silverbolt muttered in Melissa’s ear, “The series is different from reality. Tread lightly.”

Melissa started banging her head against the empty bottle of alcohol, “Take me for a fool, please. I’m an idiot. A useless idiot marine.”

“Discord never made us kill anyone,” Twilight screwed up her face, “But he certainly tried. There were several ponies in the hospital afterwards, who swore we put them there.”

“Jesus! What’d you do?” Andrew demanded.

“Things we’d like to forget.” Applejack said, glancing down at the floor.

“I sure wish we could.” Rainbow muttered.

Melissa let her bottle fall to the floor, “I wish none of this had happened. I wish I’d never come here.”

“‘So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.’” Andrew quoted, “‘There are other forces of work in the world besides the will of evil.’ Is it really so bad here? Where would we be without you? Where would you be without us?”

“Better off. Both questions.” She snarled glumly.

Andrew shook his head, “Did you really want to be stuck in a war with no end? An endless war in the desert? Risking death by a people who have been under the thumb of dictators and invaders since the British Empire? Equestria certainly seems like a better deal. Okay, it’s not great, but it’s not the Middle Ages either. You’ve got friends here, you’ve got a whole new world. You’re where no one else has gone before.”

Don’t get me wrong, I miss home as much as you do. I miss my parents, I miss my brother. But you can’t say it’s been all bad, and you can’t say Afghanistan would be all that much fun.”

“At least I’d be home. There’d be other humans about, people I know…”

“But you might have ended up with worse than Discord’s control. An IED, an RPG, shot, stabbed, captured, tortured, and/or beheaded. Are those preferable to living here?”

“No, of course not,” Melissa snapped, “But I’m a soldier, I go where I’m assigned. At least there I’d be of use. I wouldn’t be shooting allies while under the control of freaking Q.”

Andrew countered, “But you’re of use here, as well. You saved Applejack’s farm, you saved my life a couple times, and you helped keep Discord under control. You refused to offer him a platform to use for his purposes, and now the ponies know how to block him from doing it again. You can make a difference here, and if we make it home, we’ll be famous. Could you really earn that building bridges in the desert?”

Melissa leaned back, looking up at the ceiling, “But if I hadn’t been brought here, those people might still be alive.”

Andrew stood up, and walked around into her field of vision, “And maybe they wouldn’t. Stuff happens. Through no fault of our own.”

“I guess you’re right…” Melissa sniffled. “I still feel awful about what happened.”

“We’ve all been through it, Mel.” Dash repeated, “We can help you if you let us.”

“Why? Why would you help a dumb marine from beyond the stars?” Melissa moaned, “All I’ve ever done has been make a complete ass of myself.”

She sat up, “Discord wasn’t entirely lying about a bunch of the stuff he said. Kind of. He’d been pumping a bunch of rage and crap into my head, but it was only exaggerating things that were already there.”

“If we really cared about that, would we still be sitting here?” Pinkie Pie of all people uttered those words, “Andrew’s pretty rude too, and he’s our friend. We don’t care. Both of you have been through a whole lot of yucky junk, and while it may be hard at times, you’re still our friends.”

“Who would we be if we abandoned you based on the word of Discord?” Twilight inquired, smiling a little, “Friends aren’t people you never have problems with, they’re people worth forgiving.

Dash grinned, “So you had some problems with us, big deal. If you really hated any of us, you would’ve run off long ago.”

Melissa was silent for a very long time.

To everyone’s surprise, the marine’s stoney face cracked. A corner of her mouth turned upwards, “‘You freaking tiny horses with your relentless positivity and your self-esteem.’” She seized Dash in a massive bear hug, threatening to squeeze the life out of the poor pegasus.

“You remember the psychic connection I mentioned? That, and seeing all of you, was single-handedly responsible for keeping me sane throughout my senior year of high school. When the world was driving me nuts, there were six pastel ponies who kept me going.”

Her smile grew bigger, and she pulled out her wallet. “I never showed you guys my family, did I? My brother introduced me to the show when I was having a particular bad day.”

She took out the photo, taken in a time that seemed so far away now, and turned it outwards.

The amazing technology, dime-a-dozen back home, was incredible here. Full color, fully portable, and perfect quality.

Dash took the image from her hand, squinting at it. She passed it on to Andrew rapidly.

Andrew grinned, “That definitely looks like you. This your brother?” he pointed.

“Yeah, Garrett. Called him Garrus all the time.”

“Do I really want to know why?”

“His favorite color is blue, he always played Turians in ME3 multiplayer, and was a great sniper in all our video games. He introduced me to the show, after...”
Melissa’s hand balled into a fist, her eyes glinting with memory, “After an incident. I was pissed, I was upset, and I happened to walk into the living room when he had it on. I was confused, and...I don’t know, maybe he was trying to distract me or something.”

A glance at Rainbow Dash. Her no-drama person. Perhaps she saw a little of him in her.

“He showed me the first episode, and I saw all of you.” she gestured around, “All y’all, not you,” pointing to Andrew, “But all of you. Honestly, despite what I’d heard about the show, I did not anticipate liking it. I thought you would be a little girls’ show, not a bunch of hobbits. Simple folk just living their lives with simple acts of kindness and love, caring for one another. Earth is by no means a horrible place to live, but it’s a long way from Equestria. Your world was a sense of stability, the Shire.”

“The Shire? Hobbits?” Andrew asked, knitting his brow.

“Dude, why can’t you see it? You’re a Tolkien fan. This isn’t little girl land, this is the Shire. Or Wales. ‘It is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.’ You can’t see it?”
She shook her head, “Discord was telling the truth about the plushie, Twi’. To me and my brother, you were all a sense of stability in a chaotic world. A nutbar on a shot toward the White House, worrying about jobs and the future...I saw myself so much in you people,” she nodded at Twilight, “And you especially. I can’t express how much it means to me to be stranded here with you people.”

She looked up beside her, presumably at Silverbolt, “He’s right. I may miss home, but there’s certainly worse places I could’ve ended up. Pure methane atmosphere, or in Destroyermen. I know I’m an ass, but I’d like to thank you all for putting up with me over these past few months.”

The marine looked up at her friends, realizing in her mind that she now thought of them as that, not just “the ponies”.
“I don’t know if I really believed you were actually the ponies I knew. Those sweet, kind, and innocent creatures I knew--they couldn’t really exist, could they?”
Her face brimmed with emotion, “To err is to be human, to forgive, divine. You really are those ponies. You forgave me.”

“I did too.” Andrew added, chuckling a bit.

“I guess you count too, Andy.” she laughed, though her smile faded a little, “I am still willing to atone for all the crap I’ve done. Just let me know what you want me to do for it. I’m a combat engineer, building crap is my bread and butter. I can probably rewire the entire electrical grid you got going on here, I could rebuild your entire civilization’s buildings until hell freezes over. I’ve been working on internal combustion engines the past few weeks. If I can work with some mathematicians, I might be able to rediscover the secret to powered flight...”