Chapters Starlight Glimmer would never have guessed that losing somepony could hurt this much. The word “heartbreak” hadn’t meant much to her until Sunburst, her best--and only--friend moved away to Canterlot to attend Celestia’s school after getting his cutie mark.
One week had done nothing to alleviate the pain. Starlight lay on her belly on her bed, face buried into a tear-soaked pillow. Heartbreak indeed. It truly did feel like an Ursa Major stomping her heart into countless tiny pieces.
And the worst part about it…
“Starlight!” her mother’s voice yelled from downstairs. “You’d better be studying like I told you to!”
Starlight grimaced, squeezing out more tears. Studying was the last thing on her mind, but she knew her mom would have nothing else.
“Starlight?” her mom repeated. A few seconds later, Starlight heard the wooden clopping of her mom’s hooves coming up the stairs. Starlight kept her face in her pillow, not looking up even when the door to her room opened.
“What are you doing, young lady?”
Sniffing, Starlight looked up at her mom with puffy, tearful eyes.
Mom rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Oh, for pity’s sake. Don’t tell me you’re still on that!”
“Mom,” Starlight said, her voice cracking. “He was my only friend.”
“Well, boo-hoo. Life’s not fair, get used to it.”
That response struck Starlight bluntly as she stared at her mom in disbelief. It was like her mom didn’t notice or even care how much pain her own daughter was in. Against Starlight’s better judgement, she tried turning the tables. “How did you feel when Dad left?”
Starlight’s ears drooped instantly at her mom’s retaliating glare. Bad call. Mom stepped closer and Starlight cringed, bracing herself to be struck. It never did come.
“You’re walking on dangerous ground there, young lady,” Mom warned, lowering her voice into a venomous tone. “Your only concern is to study for that big test next week. I’ve told everypony to expect good things from you, so you’d better not embarrass me by screwing it up. Because if you think you’re hurting now, you’d better think again. You will be hurting if you make me look bad.”
Starlight hung her head when she could no longer take that cold, piercing glare. “Yes, ma’am,” she mumbled.
Mom turned for the door, pointing towards the stairs. “Good. Now stop whining, get up out of that bed and get your flank over to the library.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Starlight repeated.
With that, Mom stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. On the one pony who needed her, leaving a sad and hurt little filly alone. All alone.
The worst part about it was nopony even bothered to try and help her through her pain. Not even her own mother. Dad had left them, her mother had changed and now, with Sunburst gone, there was nopony who could understand the little filly’s pain and loneliness.
Starlight wiped away the tears and put her hooves to the ground. She draped her saddlebag over her back and sulked down the stairs, through the living room where Mom sat with her nose in a book as usual, and stepped out under the orange pre-dusk sky.
On the block across the road were two little fillies about Starlight’s age, playing a game of tag, giggling and having a great time together. Of course, they both already had their cutie marks, completely oblivious to how easily a cutie mark could shatter that bond.
Grumbling, Starlight hung her head and pressed on towards the library a few blocks away. She passed through the school playground, noting the group of fillies laughing and playing with each other. All happy, all with their cutie marks, none of them alone like she was. She supposed she could have asked to joined them, but it was as if those cutie marks had set up a wall she couldn’t get through and those lucky enough to have them were blissfully unaware of the pain they could cause.
Even if Starlight wanted to join in the fun, she couldn’t. Her mother would see to it that she wouldn’t be able to sit for the rest of the week if she came home too late. Just thinking about it made her flank sting. She'd been on the receiving end of such paddlings before, seemingly more so since Dad left.
Starlight huffed, wiped away fresh tears and continued on towards the library with her head hung, not lifting it until she arrived and found herself surrounded by the countless books. There, she felt safe. Secure. Books were a veritable source of information and they couldn't hurt you like ponies could.
She needed three books for the test, a research paper on a subject of her choice. As a unicorn, it would make sense to do it on magic. There were all kinds of magic, however. Teleportation, shield spells, energy blasts, telekinesis. The possibilities seemed endless. Starlight’s mind raced to settle on one until she read the spine of a particular volume.
The Principles of Cutie Mark Magic.
It all made sense; it was the perfect subject to do her report on. She’d learn everything she could about cutie marks and the magic behind them. She’d ace that test; finally make her mom proud of her. If it was studying her mom wanted, it was studying she was going to get. Starlight would study magic as a whole, devote her life to learning all there was to know about magic until she became powerful enough to CONTROL cutie marks. Equestria would be better off without them.
Yes, far better off. In that moment, the filly made herself a silent promise. Starting with acing her report on the hidden evils of cutie marks, she’d do everything in her power to make sure cutie marks and special talents would never again drive friends apart.
Starlight grabbed the book with her magic and scanned the shelves for another suitable title. One called Cutie Marks and You: How to Find Your Calling caught her eye. She picked it up and continued her search until her eyes stopped at a particularly intriguing title: I Hate My Cutie Mark: A Collection of True Stories of Ponies Whose Cutie Marks Led Them to Tragedy.
Well at least I know I’m not alone in hating cutie marks Starlight thought to herself as she added the book to the other two. With her quota of three books in tow, she trotted up to the receptionist to check out.
There was no way the filly could comprehend that the seeds of darkness had already been planted; the insanity of it all and how it would change her life forever.
What she did know was she would do whatever it took to never be left alone again.
Starlight trotted up to her room and set the three books she’d checked out on her desk. She took a seat and opened the first page of “The Principles of Cutie Mark Magic.”
Cutie marks… Sunburst… Starlight shut her eyes against the emotional pain. She remembered the day they first met two years ago. She’d needed to get out of the house, to hide somewhere and cry, so she’d ran off to the park and hid in the shadows underneath the playground where she hoped nopony would notice and bother her. But one colt did notice her...
What’s the matter? Why are you crying?
Dad… Dad left Mom and me for another mare, just because she had a pile of bits for a cutie mark!
Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Why do you care?
I hate to see a filly cry. Or anypony for that matter.
He never loved my mom! He cheated on her and left her for a rich mare so he could be lazy and have an easy life! Now mom’s different. She hardly talks to me anymore, and when she does it’s usually to yell at me when I’ve done something wrong. I have nopony to talk to. Nopony.
I’ll be your friend.
You will?
Sure! My name’s Sunburst. What’s your name?
They’d been inseparable ever since. They did everything together. He was the only one who cared about her, the only pony she could trust, and when his cutie mark showed up he was flung to the other end of Equestria with barely enough time to say goodbye.
“Stupid cutie marks,” Starlight grumbled, wiping the tears away. “Without them, Dad would still be here and Mom would never have changed. And Sunburst...”
Starlight shook her head to clear her thoughts. This wasn’t going to be a report on what makes cutie marks possible and how ponies get them. No, this report would showcase how evil cutie marks are, how they can hurt ponies, how they can tear relationships apart or make some ponies seem better than others. It was a small start, but she’d get her message out, and hopefully then other ponies would see things the way she saw them. Maybe somepony could finally understand her pain.
Starlight sat at the desk and read until the darkness of the morning hours, several times shaking her head to clear out the groggy fog threatening to take her over until finally she slumped down and succumbed to sleep with her face resting against the pages.
***
Starlight’s mother yawned, then set the book she’d been reading down on the night table next to the living room couch. She stood up, stretched her legs and started up the stairs to her room. A dim glow coming from Starlight’s room stopped her in midstep.
What in Equestria is that filly still doing up at this hour?
Mom pushed open the door to Starlight’s room and found her daughter asleep at her desk, emitting a rhythmic snore with her head in the pages of a book. Mom pursed her lips, stepping quietly into the room to blow out the candle.
She gazed on Starlight for a while, feeling her heart being pulled in two.
I’m sorry, Starlight. It’s just, after your father left… I don’t know. I don’t know what’s come over me, but every time I look at you, I think of him, what he did to both of us and I get so angry; I feel the pain of what he did again. I know it seems like I don’t care, but I just don’t know what else to do anymore. I just want you to make something of yourself, so you don’t wind up weak and worthless like me. Then maybe when you grow up, what happened me won’t happen to you, and you won’t have to watch the stallion you love leave you for somepony better.
Starlight’s mom shook her head and sighed. She grabbed Starlight’s blanket with her telekinesis and draped it over her daughter’s slumped shoulders. Maybe one day Starlight would understand, and hopefully forgive her mom’s weakness.
***
Starlight Glimmer sat down at her classroom desk the next morning just as the teacher, Crayola Wonder, a pretty earth pony mare in her mid-30s with a bright yellow mane, stepped up to the blackboard.
“Good morning, class!” she greeted in her usual cheerful tone.
“Good morning, Miss Crayola Wonder,” the children answered in unison.
“First things first. By now, all of you should have chosen a subject for your big test next week. If you haven’t picked one, please come see me and I’ll help you chose a topic. As you all know, each of you will be giving a speech on your topic in the school auditorium, in front of the rest of your classmates and their parents. You’ll be graded on three areas: your research, the form of your report and the delivery of your speech.”
The classroom filled with two dozen moans of dread.
Crayola clicked her tongue, her face an apology. “I know speaking in public can be very scary, but it’s an important skill to learn.”
Most of the foals fidgeted uncomfortably in their seats, each of them imagining making a fool of themselves in front of the whole town. One colt raised a hoof.
“Yes, Orator Lecture?” Crayola asked.
“How do we keep from getting nervous?”
“That’s a very good question. You could try doing your speech in front of a mirror, or ask your family members if they will listen to it. It’s very good to practice your speeches, because the more you do them the easier they’ll be when you give them in front of all those ponies. If crowds make you nervous, you could pretend they’re invisible. Now, perhaps some of you would like to share what you’re going to do your speeches on. What’s yours, Orator?”
“I’m going to give mine on the power of words,” Orator answered.
“That’s an excellent topic! Maybe you can use what you study to help make it easier to give your speech.” Miss Crayola turned to Starlight. “How about you, Starlight Glimmer? What are you going to do your speech on?”
“My speech is going to be about cutie marks.” She didn’t mention it was going to be on how evil they are. She’d let that part be a surprise.
“What does a blank flank know about cutie marks?” Starlight heard one purple-maned filly whisper, earning her a few mocking snickers.
Sighing, Starlight shook her head. Case in point; some ponies think they’re better just because they have their cutie mark.
“I heard that, Grape Soda!” Crayola said, hardening her voice. “Another comment like that and I’m going to send you to the principal’s office. That is not how you talk about your fellow students. Am I understood?”
Grape Soda sunk back in her seat, ears flattened in embarrassment. “Yes, ma’am.”
"Good, and that goes for all of you. I will not tolerate any kind of bullying or name-calling in my classroom. Just remember how you’d feel if somepony said those things to you." Crayola turned back to Starlight, smiling. “That is a wonderful topic, Starlight. I know you’ll do great.”
That makes one of us Starlight thought to herself. Going up on that stage in front of most of the town? I can’t mess it up, this is my chance to get my message out there. Hopefully somepony will understand. At least Miss Crayola will stand up for me and believe in me. Nopony else does.
Crayola Wonder clapped her hooves together, glancing around at the students. “If nopony else has any questions about the speech, let’s move on and review this week’s spelling words.”
“And so, fillies and gentlecolts, use your words wisely, for they define who you are. Say, and so you shall be!”
Orator Lecture finished his speech with that, eyes closed and smiling as he basked in the applause. It had been the most powerful and moving speech of the night. A bright flash at Orator's side pried his eyes open again and revealed that a megaphone cutie mark had appeared on his flank, indicating a talent for public speaking. Everypony rose to their hooves, offering a standing ovation to this colt’s life changing event. Chest held rigid in pride, Orator stood on the stage, soaking in the cheers for a few for moments until Crayola Wonder stepped on stage from behind the curtain and ushered him backstage.
“Top that, blank flank,” Orator said to Starlight as he trotted past her in the waiting area backstage.
You got your cutie mark, so what? That doesn’t make you better than me or anypony else!
“Next up is Starlight Glimmer!” Starlight heard Crayola’s voice come over the microphone.
Starlight gulped down the nervous lump in her throat. The whole town was here, and she was about to step in front of all of them and give them her message. She took a deep breath to gather her courage. This wasn’t the time to get scared. This was the time to get her point across. She walked onstage from behind the curtain and positioned herself in front of the microphone. In front of a hundred or so ponies, all staring at her in anticipation. After another deep breath of courage, Starlight began.
“Good evening, fillies and gentlecolts. I’m here tonight to talk to you about my research project: cutie marks.”
The crowd murmured a bit in interest. It was a universal topic that everypony could relate to.
“I know what you must be thinking. ‘I know everything about cutie marks. Everypony gets one sooner or later. They’re what make us special and a representation of what makes us unique.’ Or are they?”
A confused hush fell over the audience. Starlight felt her confidence budding; she had their attention.
“Cutie marks: are they all that they seem? Well, tonight, I’m telling you; no, they’re not! I’ve come to learn this: cutie marks are evil!”
Everypony in the audience glanced around, exchanging confused glances with one another amidst an intangible chorus of whispers.
“My life is a perfect example of this. I was a normal, happy filly until the day my dad ran away on my mom and me. He ran out on us, betrayed us, because he met a rich mare who had a pile of bits for a cutie mark. I know, for sure, he had his sights set on this mare from the first time he laid his eyes on her cutie mark and all that easy money. And that’s where I’ve drawn my conclusion: if nopony had cutie marks, my dad would never have moved out on us. And Sunburst, my best friend, my only friend, would certainly not have been taken away to Canterlot if he’d never gotten his. Cutie marks ruined my life!”
More glances were exchanged. The whispers grew louder, but not above the rising beacon of Starlight’s soul, desperate to get her message out.
Starlight grabbed the microphone with her magic and began pacing the stage, pointing to the audience. “Think about it. How many of you have been hurt by a cutie mark? How many of you were teased when you were a foal by the other kids who had theirs when you didn’t? How many of you have lost a friend because their cutie mark called them down a different path than yours? How many of you feel held back in life because you have a cutie mark in pet grooming or party planning while others have theirs in more important things: in medicine, in teaching, in politics, or fighting to defend Equestria? In a world with no cutie marks, where everypony was the same, none of that would happen!”
All eyes were glued to her now; all she had to do was keep building the momentum.
“And it’s not just me, I’ve researched several other ponies whose lives were ruined by cutie marks. There was once a soldier named Spearhead, who left his wife and son behind when he had to be stationed at Canterlot. He was there for six long months, not once being able to see his family, but he sent them almost all the money he earned, keeping just enough to feed himself. Just when he was getting ready to go on leave, all travel to and from Canterlot was suspended due to a terrible blizzard. He missed his chance to see his family again, but his superiors promised to move it to another date. Again, just when his delayed leave had arrived, there was an emergency in Manehatten and he had to go there instead."
Starlight shook her head sadly for dramatic effect. “How did his wife and son repay his sacrifice and bravery? By moving on with another stallion who could be home more often. Spearhead’s letters to his father confirmed that it made him hate his cutie mark for calling him to war.”
A chorus of sympathetic “awwww’s” came from the audience. Starlight’s heart was racing now; she had them in the flat of her hoof.
“There was a pony with a hard hat for a cutie mark; a construction worker who fell from the building he was working on. He hit his head on the ground and suffered memory loss so badly that memory spells couldn’t fix it. This stallion had a wife and three kids. He didn’t recognize any of them. He didn’t even recognize his own mother. You moms out there, can you imagine what that must feel like, your own child not recognizing you? Those of you who are married, how would it feel if your spouse was in an accident related to their cutie mark and didn't recognize you anymore?”
Many eyes in the crowd were now glittering with tears. At that moment, Starlight knew she’d touched them.
“Many of you probably remember the diamond mine in Saddle Lake that collapsed, killing all the miners whose cutie marks had called them there. What about them? What about their families and friends? In a world without cutie marks, who knows where those miners would be now? Their loved ones would never have known that kind of heartache.”
Sniffles and eye-wiping overcame the crowd.
“Why should we allow ourselves to be defined by our cutie marks? When you leave this room, I want you all to remember what I’ve said tonight, and remember that our cutie marks aren’t as good as we think they are! Thank you very much, fillies and gentlecolts!”
Everypony rose to their hooves, stamping them and cheering. Starlight couldn’t fight the smile as she offered them a responding bow. Her message had been sent, loud and clear.
Starlight’s mother didn’t say a word their entire walk home, but Starlight could tell from her unblinking stone-like expression that she was in for trouble when they got back to the house. The filly opened her mouth a crack, wanting to ask her mom what was wrong. She held her words in, however, afraid of what the answer might be.
When they arrived home, Starlight went right up to her room, desperate to separate herself from that blank expression on her mom’s face. She laid down on her bed and opened up the book she'd been reading to the bookmarked page. Only a few moments later, she heard Mom shout.
“Starlight Aurora Glimmer!”
The door flew open. Mom came bursting in so fast Starlight barely had enough time to brace herself against the hoof that swiped across her face with a loud smack.
Starlight rubbed her cheek, staring up at her mom. The spot where she’d been slapped burned like it had been hit with a hot coal, but the rest of her head felt like it might fall off at any moment.
“What was that for?” Starlight asked, tears escaping from her eyes. “I gave a really good report, just like you wanted. Why did you do that?”
“I warned you not to embarrass me, and what did you do? You brought up what happened with your father in front of the entire town! How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I was just-”
“Save it!” Mom snapped. She prodded Starlight in the chest, a rare sort of unbridled fury gleaming in her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about this, but rest assured, young lady, there’s going to be some changes around here. Big changes!”
Mom slammed the door with such force that it rattled the walls of Starlight’s bedroom, knocking loose the framed picture of her mom hugging her during happier times. The glass shattered when it hit the floor.
Things have changed enough since Dad left.
Starlight slammed her stinging face into her pillow and began to sob. She shivered as her mind wrapped around that terrifying gleam of fury she’d seen in her mother’s eyes.
No, it hadn’t been fury but... tears?
What sounded like sobbing overlapping her own came into Starlight’s ears. She focused her hearing, trying to pinpoint the direction of the sounds. This second set of sobs was coming from downstairs. She held in her tears, rolled off the bed and pressed her ear against the floor, listening to the sounds coming from below.
“I’m sorry,” Starlight heard her mom cry. “I’m sorry I’m not rich and beautiful like she was. I’m sorry wasn’t good enough for you.”
Starlight’s ears drooped and she felt her heart sink. So that was it. Mom was just as broken as she was. Dad didn’t just break her heart, but her spirit as well. But that didn’t give Mom the right to take it out on her, did it?
Sunburst, I wish you were here. You’d know just what to do. You’d know what to say to make me feel better. You always did. I have nopony to talk to now!
Starlight hardened her face with newfound resolve. Now more than ever she knew how important it was to get rid of cutie marks
***
Miss Crayola Wonder walked down the rows of desks, placing each colt and filly’s graded report papers in front of them.
“I want you to know that I’m proud of all of you,” she said. “Speaking in front of ponies can be very scary, but you all did such a good job up there. Last year one filly got so scared she threw up on stage!”
The class laughed at the mental image that delivered.
“Well it certainly wasn’t funny for her,” Crayola answered in a scathing tone, which was quickly replaced by one of humor. “At first. By the end of the school year, she learned to laugh about it. My point is, you all handled it so well. I’m very impressed with each of you.”
Crayola passed by Starlight’s desk and placed her report papers in front of her. At the top, in red ink, was an A+ along with the note see me after class. A nervous tingle worked its way into her hooves. "See me after class" wasn’t usually a good sign.
For the rest of the day, Starlight’s mind wandered, trying to think of what Miss Crayola might want. She struggled through the spelling, reading, math and science parts of the day until at last the final bell rang, sending the students running for the door.
“Have a good weekend, class!” Crayola shouted from her desk. “See you on Monday!”
Starlight waited until the other foals had left the room, then approached Crayola Wonder’s desk. “You wanted me to see you, Miss Crayola?”
Looking up from her papers, Crayola removed her reading glasses and pointed to the student desk closest to hers. “Yes, have a seat.”
Starlight did as instructed. Crayola got up and stepped in front of Starlight. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”
A sense of worry welled in the pit of Starlight’s stomach. “Am I in trouble?” she asked, flattening her ears.
“No, you’re not in trouble. I just want to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“I know you’ve been having problems at home. You haven’t been playing with the other kids since Sunburst left. You’ve been unusually moody, and now this report on cutie marks are evil?” Crayola gazed questioningly at Starlight with those compassionate blue eyes of hers.
Starlight shook her head. “I don’t understand. Didn’t I give a good speech?”
“You gave an excellent speech, Starlight. You got an A+, didn’t you?”
Starlight tilted her head in confusion and shrugged. “So what’s the problem? Why did you want me to see you after class?”
Crayola dropped her head and sighed, then sat on her haunches to be at eye level with her student. “I’m worried about you, Starlight. If you ever need help or just want somepony to talk to, you can always come to me.”
Starlight stared down at her desk, fidgeting with her front hooves. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand?” Crayola took a step closer and put a comforting hoof on Starlight’s shoulder. “I’ve been doing this job for fifteen years. Do you think I’ve never helped foals who are having a rough time in life? I’m a teacher. Helping foals is my job.”
Clenching her jaw in annoyance, Starlight continued to silently fidget with her hooves. Crayola sighed through her nose and stood back up.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I can’t make you. I’m only trying to help you, Starlight,”
“Well don’t!” Starlight snapped before she even realized what she’d said. She looked up, saw the hurt expression on Crayola’s face, her ears flattened. Starlight turned her gaze away from Miss Crayola. “I mean, you can’t. Unless you can fix what happened between my mom and dad, or teach me how to go back in time so I can stop Sunburst from getting his cutie mark.”
“Oh, Starlight. You know I can’t do those things; I’m an Earth pony. Even if I were a unicorn like you I still couldn’t. Only a great wizard could do anything like that.”
“Then there’s nothing you can do,” Starlight grumbled.
“I think we should get your mom in here so I can talk to her, too. We need some resolution.”
Starlight’s head snapped up, her vision blurred with budding moisture at the mention of her mother. “What good would that do? Mom doesn’t even care!”
“I want to help you, Starlight,” Crayola said soothingly, “but I can’t if you won’t let me.”
“I don’t want your help!” Starlight shot back. Her chest heaved with a crying spasm, forcing a small gasp. “Just leave me alone!”
With that, Starlight jumped from her seat and ran out of the classroom, not stopping even as she wiped her eyes.
There had to be a way.
There had to be some kind of magic that could prevent ponies from getting their cutie marks. Miss Crayola’s words had struck a chord with Starlight: “Only an exceptional wizard could do anything like that.”
I don’t need friends. I don’t need anypony! Starlight tried to convince herself. A pain deep in the pit of her stomach, however, knew it wasn’t true. She did need somepony who cared, but how could she trust that more cutie marks wouldn’t show up to whisk them away like what happened with Sunburst?
The only way to be sure was to get rid of cutie marks entirely. If it took an exceptional wizard to accomplish those feats, then that’s what she was going to have to be. Read and study and become a powerful unicorn. Thus, Starlight spent her weekend reading and studying, practicing her magic, reading and studying some more, stopping only to eat her meals, and then practice some more.
Then it happened.
Starlight was walking to school Monday morning and passed through the playground when she heard another foal shouting.
“Hey, give it back!”
Starlight wheeled in the direction of the voice. A small, thin colt was trying to retrieve a backpack from a bigger, stronger colt who held the bag far above the smaller colt’s head.
“You can’t have it back,” taunted the bigger colt, who Starlight recognized as Quick Jab, a student from the classroom next to hers. “It’s mine now.”
“Give me back my backpack or else!”
“Or else what?” Quick Jab asked the younger colt, who was probably a couple grades beneath him. “I got my cutie mark in fighting. What are you gonna do about it? Take it from me? Beat me up? I don’t think so. You’re just a blank flank.”
Starlight gnashed her teeth against the growing anger as she stepped towards them. “Leave him alone, Quick Jab!”
Quick Jab turned to Starlight, sneering at her. “Back off, Starlight. This doesn’t involve you.”
For a silent moment, Starlight assessed the situation. Quick Jab was so much bigger and stronger than her, and with his hoof-and-impact cutie mark, there was no way she could take him in a hoof-to-hoof fight. She did, however, have the magic she’d been studying all weekend. If that cutie mark made Quick Jab so high and mighty, then Starlight knew it was time to see what she could do about it.
Gathering her courage, Starlight moved closer. “Just because your special talent is fighting doesn’t give you an excuse to be a jerk! I’m warning you. Give him back his backpack, now.”
“You’re warning me? Am I supposed to be scared?” Quick Jab reared up on his hind legs, popping his front hooves in a manner that said he was itching for a fight. “What if I don’t give it back?”
Starlight furrowed her brow, eyes burning with resolve. “Then I’ll rip that stupid cutie mark right off your flank!”
Quick Jab let the colt’s backpack drop to the ground and oriented on Starlight. “I’d like to see you try it.”
Starlight squeezed her eyes shut, putting all her focus on the spell. Nothing happened. She could hear Quick Jab drawing closer. Starlight dug deep within for the strength to finish the spell, she could feel that power there in her anger and fear.
Quick Jab stepped within striking range, groaned and dropped to his knees in pain. “My cutie mark!”
Starlight opened her eyes in time to witness Quick Jab’s cutie mark peel away from his flank, then move to hover above her horn as her magic held it in place. She flashed a victorious, almost menacing smile. To think she could use her emotions to fuel her magic…
Quick Jab started for Starlight again and drew his front leg back to attack. The punch, however, came slow and awkward. Quick Jab stumbled over his own momentum as Starlight easily dodged the clumsy strike.
“What gives?” Quick Jab snarled. “What the hay did you do to me?!”
At that time, a bright flash came from Starlight’s side, revealing her new cutie mark: A purple four-pointed star overlapping a white star and a teal streak swirling its way upward from the stars, as if to depict them leaving her flank.
Her destiny was sealed; she believed she knew its meaning perfectly.
“Look, you got your dumb cutie mark!” Quick Jab spat. “Now give me mine back. I can’t even punch right!”
“I’ll give it back to you as soon as you give him back his backpack,” Starlight said, turning her attention back to Quick Jab. “And don’t let me catch you using your talent to bully smaller ponies again, or I’ll rip your cutie mark right back off!”
“Starlight Glimmer!” came Crayola Wonder’s voice. Starlight turned her head to see the teacher galloping up to them. “Stop this at once, that’s no way to behave!”
“Then tell Quick Jab to give this colt his backpack and to stop threatening to beat up other foals.”
“I will deal with him,” Crayola replied with stern finality. “Now release his cutie mark.”
Sighing, Starlight shut her eyes and released her magic grip on Quick Jab’s cutie mark. It streaked back towards his flank with a bright flash and pasted itself where it belonged.
“Here,” Quick Jab kicked the young colt’s backpack to him. “Take your stupid backpack.”
Miss Crayola glared at Quick Jab, pointing a hoof towards the school’s main entrance. “Principal’s office. Now.”
Head hung in annoyance, Quick Jab sulked back inside the school. Crayola then turned back to Starlight. “And you. I’m disappointed in you, Starlight.”
“I was just-”
“You’ll be speaking to the principal yourself later,” Miss Crayola warned. “Now get inside, class is about to start.”
Drooping, Starlight headed for the main entrance, stopping only at the colt’s voice shouting out to her. “Thanks, miss Starlight. You’re my hero.”
Starlight thought those words should have touched something, but they didn’t. There was no satisfaction, no feeling of having done a good deed. There was only a biting annoyance and a growing ambition. “I didn’t do it for you,” she mumbled, continuing on towards the front doors. “I just hate it when ponies act like their cutie mark makes them better than everypony else.”
The door to principal Guiding Star’s office loomed over Starlight; a gateway into the unknown. Before Dad left and Mom changed, Starlight would never have been sent here. Staring at it now, it might as well had been a portal to another world.
Starlight gulped down the nervous lump in her throat as Crayola Wonder pushed the door open.
“In,” she instructed.
A middle-aged, bespectacled unicorn stallion sat at the big oak desk in the middle of the room, a necktie draped around his shoulders, dangling in front of his chest. He held his front hooves together, his face like stone. This was a pony who was all business.
“Have a seat, Starlight, Miss Crayola,” the older pony said.
Starlight took an anxious breath, let it out shaky and sat down at one of the chairs in front of the desk. Crayola took a seat next to her.
Guiding Star turned his attention to Starlight first. “Miss Crayola tells me you removed a fellow student’s cutie mark this morning. Is that true?”
Starlight nodded. Yeah, she did it. So what? Quick Jab had it coming. “Yes, sir.”
“You know that using magic on other students is against the rules,” Miss Crayola said.
“He was picking on a younger colt and he was gonna beat him up. What was I supposed to do, just watch?”
“You’re supposed to tell a grown up and let them handle it,” the principal answered. “By all rights, I could suspend you today.”
Suspend? Starlight gnashed her teeth together, biting down a harsh retort. She was hardly in the wrong here. “What about Quick Jab?” she asked, having quieted her anger enough to keep from shouting at the principal and irritating him further. “He was the one going around picking fights!”
“I’ve already suspended him for his actions,” Guiding Star said. “Rather than suspend you, however, gathering what I’ve heard from Miss Crayola, I think what you really need is help.”
“Help?” Starlight echoed, tilting her head in confusion.
“A cutie mark removal spell is at least a level four debonding spell.” The principal seemed to be changing the subject on a whim. “How in Equestria did you do such complex magic?”
“I’m not sure. I just… felt it. What’s that have to do with helping me?”
Guiding Star leaned closer, locking eyes with the filly. “Starlight, you’re a prodigy. In my 35 years as an educator, I’ve only seen one or two other unicorns with the kind of potential you have. I’d like to see you use that potential for good.”
Anger and confusion continued to swell within Starlight. “If using my magic to keep somepony from beating the snot out of a kid smaller and weaker than him, and stealing from him, isn’t using magic for good then I’m not sure what is.”
“Your intentions were good, there’s no denying that. But you’re very young and haven’t learned the limits of your power, or how to deal with others. That’s our job, so from now on, you bring those issues to us. And if I catch you back in here again for something like this, I will suspend you. Do we understand each other?”
Starlight hung her head. “Yes, sir.”
“Good.” Guiding Star now turned his attention to Crayola Wonder. “Miss Crayola, do you have anything to add?”
“Yes.” Crayola nodded and gazed upon Starlight. “I brought you in here because I know you’re better than this. I’ve seen that you are. I think you just need a push back onto the right path.”
I’m not even sure I know what’s right or wrong anymore Starlight thought to herself.
Principal Guiding Star stood up and walked around his desk to kneel in front of Starlight. “I know you're troubled and confused. That's normal at your age. We're not angry with you, Starlight. In fact, I'm proud of you because you wanted to help. Your power will continue to grow and you with it. I'd like to see you get some training. Would you like that?”
Starlight snapped her head up, her eyes gleaming with a mix of sadness, anger and confusion. “No! I don’t want any training. I just want my parents back. I want my friend back.” She paused to sniff and wipe the budding moisture from her eyes. “I want my life back!”
“I know,” Miss Crayola said. Starlight felt a sympathetic hoof touch her shoulder. “You’re going through a tough time, and I’m so very sorry for you. But I think you would benefit from the help we can provide you.”
Starlight looked around the room, finding that Miss Crayola was smiling and nodding her approval. She also read the spines of several books Guiding Star kept on the tall shelf against the back wall of the room: Politics for Derps , How Settlements are Formed: A History of Equestria's Largest Cities and Unlock Your Charisma: How Get Ponies to Hang On to Your Every Word .
“You’d be surprised,” Guiding Star added, pulling Starlight from her distraction. “Our program has helped many a young pony change for the better. Why, I remember one young mare from when I first started teaching. She was even worse than Quick Jab. My predecessor enrolled her in this program and now she’s founded her own village.”
In that moment, the pieces began to come together. Politcs. Founding a Village. Drawing ponies in. Starlight looked down at her flank, at her new cutie mark. She had the ability to remove cutie marks. It all made sense now. The seeds of a grand, insane plan took root in Starlight's mind. She would create her own place, a perfect place, a haven where cutie marks and special talents would never again take anypony away from her.
She looked back into Guiding Star's waiting, expectant eyes. "Yes, sir, I would very much like some training."
And so her path was set, for better and for worse.
The seeds of the past. We grow up so fast. Some hurts never go away...
15 years later…
“Thanks for taking me for a night out in Manehatten, Rarity,” Starlight Glimmer said as the two unicorns strolled through the sprawling city’s lantern-lit streets. “I never really had a chance to do something like this before.”
“All the more reason to do it, darling. Everypony should experience it at least once.”
A unicorn stallion sat in the darkness of a nearby alleyway, a tattered rag draped over his shoulders. His thick, messy beard was mostly gray, clearly showing his age with only a few dark streaks remaining from his youth. His mane and tail were equally gray and tattered. He looked like he hadn’t had a bath or groomed himself in months. On the ground in front of him was a ceramic coffee mug. The old pony held up a sign drawn on cardboard. It read, “Broke and hungry. Anything will help.”
Raising a foreleg, Rarity winced at the site of the poor old soul. “Oh my. We must remember that this city isn’t all glitz and glam. Every rose has its thorns, as they say.”
Starlight bit her lip in sympathy, for she knew all too well what it was like to hit rock bottom, to lose everything that mattered to you. She also knew the value of having somepony to help you back up, no matter how far you might have fallen. Even if you’d once considered that somepony a bitter enemy. Acting on her gut in typical Starlight fashion, she grabbed her coin pouch with her magic.
“Here you go, sir,” Starlight said, dropping the little sack in front of him. The coins inside clinked when it hit the ground. “It must be hard, but I know you can find the strength to pick yourself back up again. I’ve been there once.”
Rarity regarded Starlight with a smile. “That was a grand thing to do, Starlight.”
“Your generosity must be rubbing off on me,” Starlight answered. “Besides, I live with a princess. Money’s not really an issue.” The two unicorns then turned from the alley and started back down the street.
The homeless stallion nodded towards them. “I thank you, stranger.”
Starlight froze at the familiarity in the stallion’s voice, her blood seeming to turn to ice. It couldn’t be…
She turned around, stepped closer to him and held her breath, for he bore the stench of a pony who hadn’t bathed in weeks. The air about him reeked of liquor, the two odors combining to form an entirely new monster. Starlight studied his face, trying to recognize it beneath his beard. It had aged considerably since the last time she saw it--it had been years--and the beard made it almost unrecognizable, but there was no doubt.
“D-Dad?” Starlight asked, trying to wrap her mind on the odds of seeing him here of all places. “Is that really you?”
The old pony looked up at her, sorrow gleaming in his brown eyes. He drooped his head again and shook it sadly. “I don’t have any kids.”
Starlight raised a forehoof awkwardly, studying the old unicorn closer. He looked so much like her father; his voice was a perfect match. “What are you talking about? It’s me, Starlight! You are my dad, aren’t you?”
“That fool I used to be, who betrayed his family and walked out on them? Yeah, he had a daughter.” The old pony took a closer look at Starlight. “Oh. You do look like that little Starlight from all those years ago. Like your mother.”
An array of emotions swirled within Starlight as she did her best to put aside the comparison to her mom. She was glad to see her father again. Still angry over what he’d done. Confused as to how he wound up in this situation, which even tempted a bit of pity.
“What happened to you?” Starlight asked once she’d found form for the words. “What about that rich mare you-
“Left you and your mother for?” Her dad hung his head, shaking it shame. “She kicked me to the curb years ago.”
Starlight fell silent for a moment, unable to form the right words. For so many years, she thought it would serve her dad right if he ever did wind up like this. But that was the old Starlight. Knowing the value of a second chance, the new Starlight almost felt sorry for him. He still had a lot to answer for, however. Even now Starlight had to admit that karma worked in funny ways.
“Then why didn’t you come back? You never came to see me again! You never wrote me one letter! Do you have any idea how much it broke Mom when you left? She became a totally different pony. Almost like a stranger.”
“How could I?!” her dad spat, finally raising his voice above the drunken slur. Tears began to run down his face. “How could I come back and look you and your mother in the face after what I did to you?! I’ve been a terrible husband and father, the worst in Equestria! I didn’t deserve to call a wonderful filly like you my daughter. Had I come back, I’d only have been a curse on you.”
Looking at him, Starlight felt the pity growing and sighed out her nose. Remorse. She knew it well. This had been eating Dad alive for years, with nopony to confide in about it. As she gazed upon him, she realized that there was a time she wasn’t so different, and felt the years between them lift. She didn’t see him as the bum who left her behind for an easy life, as she had for so long. She didn’t even see him as the drunken old wretch who sat in the alley. She saw him as she did years ago, as the loving father from her early childhood. The stallion who fed her, cradled her, tickled her, played with her and tried to teach her right from wrong. Like a good father.
Starlight searched within herself. All these years, she’d promised herself she’d really let her father have it if she ever saw him again. But she had been given forgiveness, more than she deserved. Now it was time for her to share it, to forgive somepony else.
Not knowing what else to do, Starlight stepped closer and threw her front legs around his neck. “I love you, Dad,” she whispered, tears escaping from her eyes.
The bewildered old unicorn didn’t return the hug. He only sat in silence for a moment before pushing Starlight away.
“Don’t,” he grumbled. “You’re a lot better off without a good-for-nothing old fool like me.”
“That's not true.” Starlight put her hoof over her father’s. "I needed you. I always have. And so did Mom. You meant everything to her! When you left, she just-” Starlight hesitated to think of the right word. “She was utterly broken.”
Dad hung his head in shame. ‘“Then how can you still love me, after everything I’ve done?”
“Because I forgive you,” Starlight said, lifting his chin up and looking into his tearful, puffy eyes. Again, her father pushed her hoof back down.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“I didn’t deserve forgiveness, either,” Starlight answered. “But I was given it anyway.”
Dad looked to her for a moment, studying Starlight. He didn’t ask what she meant--nor did he have to. She could see the confusion on his face.
“If you knew about some of the things I’ve done,” the notion squeezed more warm tears from Starlight’s eyes. She sniffed, wiped her eyes and finished, “you’d be so ashamed of me.”
Her dad glanced around the area in disgust and ran a hoof through his wild mane. He stroked his messy beard, then looked his messy, stinky body over. “Starlight, look at me. See how I’ve been living? Do I look like I’m in any condition to be ashamed of anypony? Don’t waste any more time on this old fool. It’s too late for me.”
“We can be foolish at any age. After all I'd been through, I thought my life wasn't worth living but somepony showed me a better way. It’s never too late. Don't give up.”
The stallion’s eyes darted as he contemplated on her words, then he rose and, for the first time in years, he hugged his daughter. “I missed you so much, Starlight, but you’re not the little filly that I remember. You’ve grown into a lovely young mare.”
Tears ran down Starlight’s cheeks; she could no longer keep them held in as she rubbed her father’s back. “I missed you, too, Dad.”
The two held their hug for a while longer, only interrupted by a whimper, then a blowing nose from behind them. Starlight let her dad go and looked over her shoulder. Lost in her emotions, she’d forgotten about Rarity, who had a tissue stuffed against her nose; streaks of mascara running down her face.
“Oh, Starlight, that was-” Rarity stopped to blow again. “That was beautiful. Sir, we were just going to grab something to eat. I’d be delighted if you were to join us. My treat. Of course, as long as it won’t be too awkward for the two of you.”
Rarity and Dad both looked to Starlight, their eyes awaiting an answer. Starlight smiled and nodded. “Yeah, come on, Dad.”
Finally, Starlight saw her dad smile. “Well, now, it seems you’ve got quite a friend over there, Starlight. Not very many ponies have offered to treat me to a meal.”
“It would be my pleasure,” Rarity assured him, stepping closer. Then she cringed. “But we can’t have you looking like that, now can we? A simple spell and I’ll have you looking at least halfway respectable.” She took a couple more steps and immediately put her kerchief back to her nose. “And do something about that, er, distinctive musk.”
Rarity’s horn glittered with magic energy, which streaked towards Starlight’s dad and swirled around him. A brilliant burst of light lit the alley, forcing Starlight to shield her eyes. When the darkness took over once again, Dad’s mane appeared to have been groomed, now slicked back. His thick, unkempt beard was gone, showing the familiar, if aged, face that Starlight knew from so long ago. The overwhelming stench that had surrounded him vanished. In fact, Starlight thought she caught a faint whiff of cologne.
“There!” Rarity closed her eyes, holding her head high in pride. “Much better, yes?”
Dad ran his hoof through his hair again with an expression mild surprise. He put his hoof to his face and smiled. It had probably been a long time since he felt his own face. “Ha! That’s quite a horn you’ve got there, miss. But I’m afraid it hasn’t done much for my hunger. What say we get out of this drafty old alley and take you up on your offer? I could eat like a yak right now!”
“Let’s go!” Starlight said as the three turned away from the alley. “Dad, we’ve got so much to catch up on. Would you believe I live in a castle now?”
~fin
