Stalin and his bathtoys

by T-chan

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2237

Stalin takes a bath in the Kremlin...... Stalin is no longer in the Kremlin.

Stalin takes a bath in the Kremlin...... Stalin is no longer in the Kremlin.

Published 2017-10-21 02:10:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-21 02:10:11 UTC

2 the Canterlot Perdicament

For Princess Celestia it was a fairly normal day, albeit a rather stressful one the nobles were as always being stuck up and demanding more and more of her time the paperwork was pilling up and she had received 8 friendship letters that day alone and as such she was oh so very close to just setting a good portion of the little blue and green ball that she called home on fire just so for once she could have a day off. When suddenly from down the hall she hears an odd sound...

"******GUSTAV!!!!!!!!!******"

Hearing this her ears perked up and she suddenly realized that this was coming from down the hall where the throne room was. This caused her to pick up the pace slightly as she had left some of the more aggravating nobles there under the guise of just popping out to do something while leaving them there for the remainder of the day while letting Luna deal with the aftermath of it when the night court finally rolls around. As she rounded the corner much to her surprise she could not see the nobles anymore or the rest of that general area for that matter. All she could see is A very very large tub and a man covered in bubbles playing with two rubber ducks.

Luckily the thrones were spared as she would need them for the next bit. Walking up to the throne she then proceeds to sit on it ( you know as you do..) and begins a chain of events that would make her day go from very long to very very very long and insane...

It was at this point that Glorious leader Stalin realized that he was not alone and as he suddenly swiveled his head to see the new face in the room much to his dismay his perfect bubble recreation of Comrade Marx's beard on his face took this moment to disintegrate upon his face...

"BY MARX'S GLORIOUS FACIAL HAIR WHAT IS THAT"

"* Startled rubber ducky noises*"

Celestia was beginning to realize her grave mistake in not just leaving this problem for Luna or even better just get her 'faithful student' and the friendship squad/rainbow laser crew to deal with this as she usually did.

"Sir, if you would just calm down I am sure we can resolve this quickly and with great haste"

"BY LENIN'S GOATEE, IT SPEAKS!!!"

"*rubber duck fainting*"

"*Horrified rubber duck noises*"

Celestia decided at this point that if she was going to deal with this thing she would need something a bit stronger then tea. and as such brought out the 1.5-liter whiskey flask ( there were some perks for being royalty).

" BY GORBACHEV'S BIRTHMARK IT CAN MOVE THINGS WITH ITS MIND"

"*awed rubber duck noises*"

"please sir calm down I have had a long day am developing a migraine and do not have the mental capability to deal with you screaming in my ME-DAMNED THRONE-ROOM!"

"BY MAO'S SUIT THE HORSE DAEMON IS A TZAR"

"*disgruntled rubber duck noises*"

Now there are many things that Celestia has been forced to deal with in her long stint as ruler of Equestria, she has had to deal with in no particular order her revenge driven sister, loophole sniffing lawyers from Tartarus, a creature who was the ennoblement of satin, no less then three diets, and Discord's discord. But 2 rubber ducks and their mustachioed communist leader was not one that she was prepared for or wanted to deal with at the moment... so she did what any reasonable leader would do she promptly got up, walked out of the room and chugged the rest of the whiskey...

Author's Note

Again written at 6 in the morning w/o any editing and Just a heads up there is a reason I am a engineer and not a writer and this would probably be it.

3 Bubbles and Bourgeoisie

It has been 15 minutes since the Horse Daemon Had left the presence of the glorious leader and He was beginning to get prune and his bubbles were not as bubbly anymore. not wanting to go scout out himself personally he did the next best thing he pulled his arm back and threw Comrade Andrei as far as he could out the door of the room he now recognized as a throne room.

"Go Comrade and seek out more bubbles or I will Have to send you to Gulag for re-education."

"*nondescript yet patriotic Rubber ducky noises*"

Outside the door, Celestia was starting to get nervous (something that she very very rarely did as she had the power over the sun so anything that really pissed her off could be taken care of with something like a solar flare or a radiation burst or just the heat unrelenting heat). Pacing back and forth she suddenly realized something very very important the fact that it was 2:48 in the afternoon and a Tuesday, on any other this would not be a problem but on Tuesdays and Thursdays to keep up with the demand of day court there was a second day court in addition to the morning ones. One that started at 3:00 sharp in the afternoon.

Her thoughts on how to solve this problem quickly were shattered though as a rubber ducky hit her right in the face.

"MRGHDPH"

"* aggravated rubber duck noises*"

"NO!!! ANDREI!!!"

Stalin quickly looked away as he saw the flustered Horse daemon approach with the ever Patriotic Andrei in tow. And then proceed to launch Comrade Into tub with the yellow magic thing.

"So Comrade you have failed in your mission to retrieve bubble bath solution from the depths of the Horse palace"

"*forlorn rubber ducky noises*"

"For crimes against the state, you have been sentenced to 1,000 years in Gulag"

"*Heartbroken rubber ducky noises*"

"Due to circumstances though Gulag is another side of throne room"

With this Stalin proceeds to throw Comrade yet again this time though instead of out the throne room door it is instead to the other side of the room where Andrei (now stripped of the title of comrade) landed in the corner.

"Stalin....."

"GAH!! HORSE DAEMON KNOWS NAME"

"Only because the ducks have said, it almost 7 times"

"TRAITORS!!!"

"Two things, one Horse Deamon has a name and that name is Princess Celestia and Two, would you like more bubble bath"

At this Princess Celestia floats over the bulk size of Pretty Princess Bubble bath now with eathral mane™
Stalin cautiously accepts this gift and is in the middle of considering a truce with this Horse when she ( he assumed this when it stated its position as a princess).

"I For the good of THE CCCP accept your offer on a temporary basis"

Celestia for once today, was feeling just a little bit better and hoped this would be the worst of today when suddenly there was a knock at the door and her hopes of having a quasi-normal day were dashed as she realized that it was 3:00 and she still had a suds up dictator in a very large bathtub sitting in the middle of her throne room.

Author's Note

Starting to pick up the pace and also waking up so the quality may or may not improve not sure yet

4 A Very Royal Mustashe

Celestia At this point wanted to beat her head in on the granite mass that was the enormous tub but stopped herself when she had a glorious idea that would help her with her day court influx and also get some petty revenge at the same time.

"Stay right here Stalin. I will be right back in a moment"

As she left Stalin in the tub he thought he could faintly hear in the distance a voice calling...

"*****I am not nearly drunk enough for this *****

Deciding to ignore that for the moment he returned to the task at hand. figuring out the instructions on this bottle of bubble bath .after going at it for 5 minutes both him and Gustav had no idea what any of this meant and what this magical horse stuff was. giving up on it he ripped off the top and just dumped the entirety of the bottle into the bath. As the bubbles began to form he thought to himself these were the most beautiful bubbles he had ever seen and Gustav agreed. the bubbles were nearly solid colors but fluxed between pink green blue and purple, truly fascinating.

As this was going on, over in Princess Celestia's chambers a very different story was going on.

She was desperately trying to find the 3 liter jug of gin that the major of Trottingham had so graciously brought for her, once she had found that it went into the cart which as the moment was full to the brim with etholal from all sorts of origins (and even just some pure ethanol there were some pretty good perks for being an alicorn) as the last of the beverages was loaded into the cart she began the trek back to the throne room..

"*Barely muffled giggling rubber ducky noises*"

"Comrade, I demand you tell me what is causing this laughing fit, or 2000 years gulag"

As Celestia turned the corner to enter the throne room and let in the nobles she stopped in her tracked and saw a sight that made her immediately realize that she did not bring nearly enough alcohol to last even an hour of the day that she would be feeling.

"Mr. Stalin...."

"Yes filthy Czar pony"

"I may have given you my personal bubble coat and mane formula"

"And....."

As soon as he looked up past the bubbles he looked at her 'hair' and saw that it was both the same colors as the bubbles in the bathtub and was billowing in the nonexistent wind it was at this point that he realized what exactly she was implying. As she offered a mirror to inspect the damage what he saw would make Marx cry from the beauty of hair. his hair was multicolored but dulled down due to age but his beautiful glorious mustache was so and was shimmering billowing and full of luster. A glory to the CCCP.

"Oh...my..."

"Yeah..."

"*Billowing Laughter rubber Ducky noises*"

At this moment (3:05 EQT(Equestria Standard time)) that the front doors to the throne room decided that they could no longer hold back the veritable tidal wave of nobility that was pressed up against the door.

Author's Note

WHOO FOR THE MOTHERLAND sorry for the short chapters but they help me get some stuff out of the way and help me with the transitions

1 God Damn it Gustav

Today was a long day, and as such, I had planned on taking a bath as Comrade Gustav always helped on days like this. For those insolent dissidents who have not gone to re-education to learn of the glory of there, leadership Comrade Gustav is my rubber ducky who is my voice of reason most of the time. Today though he was being particularly ornery. After I had my men run the bath and insert the famed bubble bath solution I got in the tub {if you could call it that (there is a reason 12 people died during reeducation to build it)) and began the process of washing my mustache(a long and laborious presses not for the faint of heart). Today though Gustav would not be joining me as he was sent to the gulag as he had said that my facial hair was nowhere near communist Russian leader and more along drunken sailor levels. Because of this Comrade, Andrei and Comrade Joseph would be joining me today.

"Da. Comrade Martha is a worthy opponent Comrade Andri"

"*rubber duck noises*"

"I know that but she is not to be trifled with"

"*curious rubber duck noises*"

" For I have heard she is cheating on Comrade Boris"

"*shocked rubber duck noises*"

"*Smug rubber duck noises*"

"How dare you say that! Comrade Joseph when in fact Comrade Martha Has the clap"

"*slightly concerned rubber duck noises*"

"And you are the one she is cheating on him with!!"

"*Doubly shocked rubber duck noises*"

'*Caught in the act rubber duck noises*"

"For that, you will be sent to the Gulags"
"to build be an even grander tub"

"* pleading rubber duck noises*"

"that sounded like you want more time in re-education"

"one THOUSAND years in Gulag for you Comrade Joseph"

"*sad rubber duck noises*"

"Now, off with you"

It was at this point that Stalin took Comrade Joseph out of the tub and threw him across the room for re-education. While all of this was going on no one including Glorious leader Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin noticed Comrade Gustav just around the corner hooking up some kind of device to the tub except Comrade Joseph and he was going to re-education so his advice would not be heeded.

Then with a flick of a switch Comrade, Gustav leaped into the tub and was suddenly whisked away when the tub and all of its occupants were suddenly and unexpectedly teleported to a land far beyond the home.

Author's Note

This is not edited and written at 5 am so expect very little from this piece of shit