The Great and Powerful and Criminal Trixie

by Lil Penpusher

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, King Sombra, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1204

Being Great and Powerful is nice and all, but it takes quite a bit of hard work to get there. Luckily, Trixie knows exactly how to 'convince' people to like her and her show.

Being Great and Powerful is quite a bit of work, you know. You’ve got to entertain the masses, you’ve got to prepare all your different magic tricks and you gotta threaten people to come and witness your greatness.

A lot of work.

Luckily for Trixie, she finds out about a certain evil unicorn king and his quite desperate situation. Perhaps with a bit of bribing and just a few death threats he might become a new fan of hers...?

Yet another sequel to my comedy story MLP: Diplomacy is dumb. I suggest you read it first before jumping onto this, or one of the other sequels.

Published 2017-08-26 17:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-26 17:20:06 UTC

[A Working Title]

“Stupid ponies...” mumbled Sombra to himself, sitting in a corner within his cold, dark cell. “thinking they could contain me!”

He went silent for a few moments. Sombra wasn’t someoneone who enjoys silence and idleness, however, and so he did what any ex-superduperevilcrystallovingunicornwizardthingieruler would do.

He smashed his head against the wall. Over, and over, and over, and over and... well, you get the point.

He hit his head so hard, in fact, that he failed to notice the appearance of a guest.

“So this is the former dictator of the Crystal Empire?” Trixie said in a mocking voice.

Sombra shook his head, dizzy after smashing his head against the wall with full might. Quite surprising, really. I didn’t think there was anything left in his head to be damaged.

“Who’s this?” Sombra asked in a voice that almost made him sound drunk.

“It’s Santa, silly.” Trixie put on a fake smile.

Sombra gave out a happy gasp. “Santa?! Is it really you!?” He asked loudly. “Oh! Oh! I want, uh, a new Shining Armor action figure and, uh, the throne of the Crystal Empire and-”

“Sombra, for Celestia’s sake, it’s a joke!” Trixie interrupted.

Sombra remained silent, staring at Trixie whom he could now see clearly.

“Don’t you remember me?” the mare asked him.

Sombra raised a hoof to his chin, thinking. “Doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid.”

“Trixie? The Great and Powerful? We both attended the congress of villains, just a few days ago?” Trixie was beginning to lose faith in Sombra’s ability to think. Surprisingly, she hadn’t lost that faith when Sombra was beaten up and arrested by police officers after stealing from Cadance.

Sombra leaned forward a bit, as if he was taking a closer look at the blue-coated mare. “Ember...?”

Trixie facehoofed. “Sombra, you even insulted me back then! How could you not recognise me?”

“I’ve insulted many ponies. Too many to keep track,” the ‘evil’ monarch admitted.

“I...You...” Trixie stuttered. “Whatever. That isn’t why I’m here.”

“Well, why are you here?” Sombra asked curiously.

“I was about to tell you.”

“Yes, but you haven’t yet.”

“I just said I would tell you!”

“Well, you haven’t told me yet.”

“Be quiet and let me talk then!”

“Why?”

“BE B***ING QUIET ALREADY!”

“Understandable, have a nice day.”

“YOU...” Trixie stopped herself before she could do any harm to either herself, Sombra, or anyone else present in the prison. “Listen, Sombra,” she said to him, much calmer than before, “I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, we both know that.”

“Who are you?” Sombra asked her.

“...I’m not even gonna bother anymore.” Trixie replied to his question. “My point is: I’m here because I could very well aid you in getting out of here. The whole ‘being locked in prison’ thing, I mean.”

“You mean you’re gonna help me perform a daring, epic escape out of jail, which will appear on news nationwide and make me famous in a way?” Sombra was hopeful. Sort of.

“Uh, no. I meant that I’m gonna pay the bail. It’s not that much, apparently, seeing as how nopony really expected to ever want to free you, and that everypony knows you’re quite literally broke.”

“And you want to free me?” Sombra asked her.

“If you come and meet me halfway... perhaps,” Trixie replied, smirking.

“So you’re bribing me?” Sombra asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, uh, technically, um...” Trixie stuttered, “nah.”

“Is that a yes?” Sombra asked.

“...Yes,” Trixie said, with only a small bit of shame.

“So what do you want me to do in exchange for my freedom?”

“Nothing too special or hurtful.”

“Go on then.”

“Right. So, in exchange for your freedom, I simply wish to ask for you to come and attend my next Show tomorrow,” Trixie said calmly.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, the horror! The horror!” Sombra gave out.

“W-what? What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean ‘what’s wrong’? Do you think anypony would voluntarily go to one of your performances!?”

“Obviously not, hence why I’m here to bribe you.”

“And what if I don’t wanna?”

“Then I hope you like being beat by a mare.”

“Bribing doesn’t sound all too bad, actually,” Sombra replied with a false smile. “Proceed, please.”

“Proceed? With what? I already told you what I want.”

“Well then, I don’t know, tell me again or something.”

“Right, to make it absolutely clear: I, Trixie, The Great and Powerful, want you, Ex-King Sombra, to attend my next performance. And with that I mean you’ll have to stay through the entire show; no leaving early or not paying attention, otherwise you’ll find yourself in quite a bad position.”

“Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?” Sombra asked her.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” Sombra coughed awkwardly before speaking up once more. “Anyways, while it does sound horrible, considering it’s you and your performance, I don’t have much of a choice if I wish to get my own revenge.”

“Your revenge?”

“Yeah, you know... overthrow Cadance, reclaim the throne of the Crystal Empire, take control of said Empire and then enslave all of my subjects.” Sombra sniffed out of joy. “Ah... the good old days.”

“Riiiight...” Trixie replied with a fair bit of confusion. “So you’re in?”

“I don’t know, really...”

“Consider the following: Do you want to become free? Or do you want to be beat up by me for not complying and remain in this cell?” Trixie smiled, still.

“...I think I’ll take option one, actually.”

“Perfect. Let me just pay the bail real quick, I’ll be riiiight back.” Trixie happily trotted off to where Sombra could no longer see her from inside his cell. She had achieved what she wanted, and this sort of surprised her to a degree, considering Sombra’s usual reputation of being evil and all.

“Well...” Sombra mumbled to himself, waiting for Trixie to come back, “I suppose her show can’t be that bad...”

“OH GOD THIS IS HORRIBLE!” Sombra shouted loudly, sitting in the audience of Trixie’s show. Sombra, to put it mildly, was not a fan of magical performers or the lame tricks they seemed to be so proud of. “Dear Celestia, please end it!”

Sombra’s call for help was heard; not by Celestia however, but a different pony in the audience, who happened to sit right next to him.

“Sombra?” the evil unicorn turned his attention to his right, where a fairly familiar face stared right at him. “Sombra, why are you here?” asked Starlight.

“I could be asking you the same question, young pony.”

“First of all, I’m not young, you nut. Second, I’m only here because me and Trixie are friends.” Starlight coughed and scratched the back of her head. “Well, that... and because me and her made a deal.”

“And it’s mainly because of the latter, I assume?”

“...Yes,” Starlight admitted.

“And ‘deal’ means that she bribed you to come here in some way?”

“...You could say that.”

“Then I suppose we’re in the same boat, you and me.”

“You? Bribed? By Trixie?” Starlight couldn’t believe her ears.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re commonly known as either ‘Pony Stalin’ or ‘The Butt-toucher’!”

“...”

Author's Note

Somebody stop me.

Please.