Notice me Sunpai
Chapter 1: A New Hell
I stare blankly out of the car window as we drive by a place I don’t really care for. Most people at this point become bored looking out the window with nothing to do, for me I find nothing better than looking at a world go quickly by. To forget the faces of people I‘ll never meet is easier when they’re all blurred. My neck becomes stiff from sitting in the same position for over an hour. My mother is driving to what she likes to call “our new chapter in life”, personally, I don’t care. My chapters in my life are pretty much the same, no one interesting, no one exciting and no one worth remembering. This is our second day on the road, stopping by tourist death traps and staying in cheap disgusting motels. At one point I hoped we never reach our destination. My mother had the map upside down for the first three hours of our long car journey but the horrible thing about hope, it fades all too quickly. Eventually my mother realised her mistake and was driving in the right direction. The radio was playing songs that are too happy for my taste. Signs posted along the road seem to be pointing to a new city which I’ve never heard of, to a place I don’t care for. I look at her occasionally and then turn my attention to the window. My pale blue eyes blink every so often, sometimes I can go minutes without blinking, which to me is impressive. It hurts for a while when I do that but pain is the only true feeling I have. Happiness is an illusion and fades as quickly as hope.
“Will be there soon.” My mother breaks the silence between us.
“Can’t wait.” I said with a fake smile and as much enthusiasm as getting socks for Christmas.
“I promise,” she suddenly says “This will be the last time we move. I know it hasn’t be easy on you moving from city to city. Leaving all your friends behind but this will be it.” She says confidently. I’d laugh at that statement if I understood humour. The last time she said that was supposed to be the last time and yet here we are again. We always seem to move every so often to a new place to start a new life, but why? I guess I don’t ask why because it means little to me. Somehow I must’ve fallen asleep because all of a sudden, everything goes black. It’s not long until I’m awake again, I wasn’t out long ten minutes at best. Light comes flooding in to my eyes and it hurts, once again the feeling of pain is all I know. I step out of the car and have a look at our new home. It’s nothing special. A simple four bedroom house, white walls, a blue door and an adjoin garage that we’ll probably never use because it will be filled with junk my mother refuse’s to get rid of. Most of our stuff is in storage and will be sent around to our new home once an agreed date is reached. I only know all this because I was the one who had to arrange it. My mother, moonshine, was unable to form sentences after a night out so the job fell to me. I’d probably have to do that at some point but for now I just want to get in and wait until we have to move again. As I grab my bag of clothes that I’ve kept on me since we moved, I wonder what new horrors this city has for me. As I look around it seems we now live in a suburban area. A nice garden, a quiet street and the new school isn’t too far away, for all my complaining its better than the apartment building we lived in not too long ago. I never knew rats could grow that big. As I walk through the front door I notice the walls are white, my mother would argue that they’re beige but to me white is white no matter what you call it. The stairs were wooden and the banister was varnished with walnut wood. The downstairs was spacious but since there’s only two of us anywhere is spacious.
“Pale moon, sweetie.” My mother calls “Why don’t you go and pick your room. While I sort out some of this stuff.”
“Kay.” I reply. It’s always my mother’s way of making things up to me for dragging me from a place no one knew I was there. I get to choose any room I want and my mother has the other room. As I walk up the stairs I feel dragged down, maybe that car journey took more out of me than I thought. There was something strange about that unexpected sleep in the car, we happened to be passing the new high school I was attending when it happened. A perfume scent of coconuts and pineapple had filled my nostrils. Perhaps it was my mother’s new perfume. Maybe I just closed my eyes to ignore the school and its hundreds of mouth breathers or perhaps the long miles we travelled just made me tired. Yeah, that’s it. It has to be one of those. As I reach the top of the stairs I look in both directions. Two doors one way, three doors the other. My chance of finding a bedroom are one in five, I open the first door at the end of the hall on the right hand side. It’s a small bedroom, nope. As I look in the other doors I find small minor faults with the rooms and the bathroom. It’s only on the last door when I open it and walk around it I think to myself it has everything I need. A nice spacious room with a window facing away from the street and onto the fields behind us. That’s good I hate it when people walk by the house and try to see what’s inside, you never know which one of them might try to break in late one night. For example, that time someone decided to try their luck for a quick buck. An unfortunate incident happed to that thief when he thought he could get away with breaking into my room. Well it’s a good thing he was ambidextrous, otherwise it would have been hard to write his name when signing the confession. A door to the left of the room leads to en-suite. A clean white bath, a shower and my own toilet. Something I’ve always wanted. Sharing a bathroom with my mother wasn’t exactly ideal, especially after her night outs. As I put my stuff down on the floor, I smiled. “This…could be good.” I said aloud to myself. Maybe things wouldn’t go wrong this time. Somehow I knew that wouldn’t be the case. As I walked down the stairs I saw my mother leaving out the front door.
“Where are you going?” I question her. She stopped and said in an apologetic voice.
“Sorry sweetie, I just got a phone call I got to go to a business meeting.” Somehow I knew she was lying. But curious as I am, I ask her.
“By business meeting you mean actual business or the business meeting that involves a lot of drink.” My mother’s face turned red, it was that kind of business meeting.
“I’ve left you some money to get some food, it’s on the counter in the kitchen.” She said as she walked out the door, slamming it shut. Barely here for an hour and my mother is already out, drinking with people she’ll be working with the next day, if she can still stand. My mother knows I don’t like food that’s been prepared by someone else. All their nasty, disgusting, vile germs spreading everywhere. I take the money and put it in my wallet. I decided to look in our cooler bag to see if there was anything left. There was. A half-eaten BLT sandwich that’s been sitting at the bottom of an uncooled cooling bag for two days. I pick it up and take a bite. The mayonnaise tastes disgusting, the bacon salty and the lettuce and tomato long gone. I swallow hard and take another bite, even though this was awful it was better than going out and getting something to eat. Suddenly I feel uneasy, dizzy and sweating. It felt as though I had a huge stone in my stomach. Then without warning I threw up in the sink. It was a large yellow bile mess with bits of pink mixed in. Great. Barely two hours here and I’m already sick. Sick of this, sick of this house, sick of this life. I throw the rest away and stagger towards the stairs. I grab hold of the banister and look up. My vision was becoming impaired as I saw two sets of stairs and one misplaced foot would cause serious injury. I hold back the vomit that was in my throat and begin my climb. As I reach the top I realise my one error in choosing my room. It was at the other end of the hallway, meaning in my current state a few feet may as well be a few miles. I place my hand on the walls forcing my weakened body to move. Every movement was painful and I needed to throw up, quickly. As I reached my room I stumbled in to my ensuite. I hacked and heaved as more yellow bile came up, it was disgusting. As I pushed down on the flush mechanism I washed my hands thoroughly and then crawled into my sleeping bag. It was my only comfort, as I didn’t like sleeping in beds other people had slept in. My mother always said the staff cleaned these regularly, but I don’t believe a word she says. I shiver and sweat as my illness takes hold and I fall asleep into a deep, dark, peaceful slumber.
As the night progresses my sleep becomes filled with turmoil and restlessness. The pain keeps reminding it’s there, it’s always there. I soon come to realize that it is not the pain in my stomach that’s making me restless, it’s my nightmare. My dreams always start and end the same. It starts in the blackness and ends in blackness. These dreams I love are peaceful, calming, solidarity and dare I say it, enjoyable. I call these my philosophical dreams. This is where I reflect upon everything, how the world should be, how people should be more like me. Call me narcissistic, I don’t care I close my eyes, breathe in deeply and I feel at peace. Then that smell comes back. Stronger this time. Coconuts and pineapple, why coconuts and pineapple, I detest tropical fruit. As I stand up and spin round to see which direction the smell is coming from I start to feel warm, perhaps I’m sicker than I thought. Suddenly a burst of light pierces my veil of darkness and nearly blinds me. As I raise my hand to shield my eyes I realise this is where it’s coming from, everything. The smell, the warmth, the light and…colour. Orange and yellow intertwined in my dark world, they dance around like me like it knows me. I begin to smile at it just as it becomes more intensive. I feel myself being consumed by it as I watch my dark world disappear. As I wake up in a cold sweat and I look around my bare room I realise it was just a dream. The real nightmare begins with rising of the morning sun, as I realised I have school today. I sigh deeply.
“A new day and a New Hell, await me.”
Author's Note
This was an experiment for me. To get the reader to see and feel through a yanderes eyes. i hope i can continue to see how dark and twisted life can be.
Notice me Sunpai
Chapter 2: A Chaotic Start
As the light bled through my windows, I realised it was dawn and in three hours I would be walking to my new school. As I moved I felt a sudden stiffness in my shoulder. The hard floor is definitely not the best thing to sleep on, especially in a new house. As I moved I felt other pains and my stomach still felt uneasy from last nights “dinner.” As I stumbled my way into my ensuite I caught a glimpse of myself in the large mirror above the sink. I looked dreadful. Hair was messed up, I looked paler than usual and my eyes were bloodshot.
“Perhaps I shouldn’t go to school today.” I debated with myself. I undressed from my clothes that I slept in and threw them in a heap by the door. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on, the hot water blasting against me felt refreshing. As I placed my hand on the wet tiles I contemplated about today. “Who starts school on a Friday? Is there any point in going in especially with how I feel?” As the water drips down me I look at the swirling water as it disappears down the dark plug hole. I always wondered if my life was just water going down the drain. When each drop of water hit me I felt better, the cold touch on my skin was gone. My hair felt lifted and free. As I stepped out of the shower I caught myself in the mirror again, I looked better but did I still want to go to a school where I’ll be ignored again. As I placed the towel on the floor and dried myself I thought to myself. “Should I go?” then I smiled. “What the heck,” I said a loud “I’ve dealt with worst first days, may as well see how bad this one can get.”
It’s not normal for me to be in such a, positive mood. Today seems different like nothing could go wrong, not like yesterday when everything could and did go wrong. As I pick up my shirt from last night I realised there was some vomit on it. This wouldn’t look good on my first day, not that I cared. With no other option I go to my bag and unzip it. The black backpack always holds everything I need. My books for school, writing essentials and of course the Gakuran. This would have to do today. As I held the black uniform of my past, I smiled. So many wonderful memories, ok there weren’t many but they were all that I had. This had to be a sign of some sorts, I thought to myself as I buttoned up the jacket. I brushed the crumbs off the sleeve and emptied my bag. Toilet essentials from every hotel I ever stayed at in the past two years of my high school education outnumbered the pens I had for this year. As I gathered up my pens and books and put them into my bag, my stomach started to growl. “Breakfast time, I guess.” I sounded unsure of myself, the only thing we had for breakfast was what we brought with us and after last night’s experience, id rather not risk it. "I wonder if there's a place to eat near school.". I walked into the bathroom to have a look at myself. I saw apart from the slightly paler expression and bloodshot eyes, I looked good. My black hair was flat, my uniform pressed and ready. Also a hint of a smile appeared, would it widen or disappear, only time would tell. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed for the stairs. I tread quietly past my mother’s room, she’s never in a good mood after a night out whether it was tiredness or the hangover.
As I slowly walked downstairs, I heard moaning. I looked over the banister and with great disappointment, saw my mother sprawled out on the floor in her plastered state, still clutching a bottle from last night. I knew this day would be bad, my mother is one of those aggressive drunks. She’s been known to be barred from a bar or any other establishment that participates in the selling of alcoholic beverages. I slowly approach her and wake her up gently, as to appease to her drunkenness. She stirs and immediately complains about her pounding head ache. As I lift her up I tell her something that she could find interesting “Maybe if you didn’t drink so much, you wouldn’t have this problem.” As she staggers on her feet she mummers.
“What are you my life coach?” and in that instant with one swing of her arm I got the full brunt of the bottle she’d be wielding like a club. The throbbing pain and the sharpness of the impact hurts my eye and the surrounding area. She tries to console but I keep her at a distance. I didn’t want her anywhere near me. In anger I push her and walk out the door. As I walk along the path all I could think about was my throbbing eye, maybe I could call the police and report it. My focus was moved from my eye to how students would see me. First impressions I don’t normally care about, but the students will think I’m some sort of thug. I crossed the street my cell phone began to ring, quickly I answered it.
“Hello?” I asked. I didn’t even check to see who the caller was.
“Hello?” the voice asked. “Is this Pale moon?” I don’t know you called me idiot, I thought to myself.
“Yes, this is pale moon. Who may I ask is calling?” I always handled my mother’s phone messages. If I didn’t the people on the phone would only hear slurs and swearing.
“Ah, this is silver quill from silver quill Removers.” He said proudly. Someone’s suffering from a narcissistic disorder. “I called to inform you about your furniture. We have an opening in our schedule and are able to do it this afternoon around 4’oclock. Is that ok?” 4 o’clock? school doesn’t finish to 3:30. I guess so.
“4 o’clock sounds great.”
“Excellent. Oh the other reason we called is because one of the appliances was damaged during transport.” As if I wasn’t angry enough already.
“What was it?” I said through gritted teeth.
“A waffle maker, unfortunately the insurance doesn't cover it.” A waffle maker, MY waffle maker. That was the first thing I bought when I started getting money from a young age. That was like family to me, now its gone. After a moment to contemplate the situation I said in a calm voice.
“No, that’s okay. We were planning to get another one.” I guess there was no point in doing the insurance if that cant cover one lousy waffle maker. “We’ll discuss your company's policy later today.” With that I hung up. I will write a strong bad review on their website that will hit his pride where it hurts. Oh well can’t think of that now, I have one other tedious task to deal with before that, school. Suddenly my stomach growled deeply, food. I almost arched over in pain, i quickly checked my pockets, to my horror my wallet wasn't on me. I guess i'll go to school, hungry.
As I approached the school I could already see kids arriving by car, walking or by bus. They all came in groups or pairs, not one was alone. Just me. I sigh. “Story of my life.” I say to myself. As I weaved through the crowds, not one person looked my way. Good. I don’t know what I’d say if they saw me. As I passed through the schools double glass doors I’m immediately greeted with a school that likes to show off its accomplishments, not that I care. I decide to walk further in hoping to find the cafeteria, failing that a vending machine. In my haste to get away from my drunken mother I forgot my wallet, and the money that she left for me last night. So far, no vending machines. As I turn the corner my luck went from bad to worse. Standing across the hallway were three brothers. All three different in size, all three equal in ugliness. There seem to be wearing dog collars with diamonds on them. As I slowly back away the shortest one spots me and signals the others to follow, so he’s the leader.
“You lost?” the short one asks. Ugly in the face and in the voice. The big ones seem to encroach on him from either side. This will not end well for me.
“Yeah, we get lost all the time.” The biggest one answers. Suddenly the smaller one whacks him and looks at him angrily.
“He wasn’t supposed to know that.” I couldn’t control my laughter, this was the funniest thing I’ve seen since I left my old home. So much so I laughed out loud which caught the attention of the smallest one. “Find something funny do ya?”
“Besides your stupidity, your faces are priceless.” The big one didn’t seem to enjoy that joke and with one mighty shove I was on the floor. Now I wish I took those defence classes. As I fell my bag opened. Books and pens scattered along the ground, that wouldn’t have been a problem, the problem was what came next. A sudden clunk of something heavy hit the floor, I turned in time to see the small black thin object slide across the floor. I immediately scrambled for it. How stupid could I have been? I brought this with me, on my first day of school? As I held it I was hoping it wasn’t what I thought it was but as I turned it over, with horror in my eyes, it was. Etched into its side was the words “Last resort”. I curse myself. Why didn’t I check all my pockets in my bag before coming to school? Was I in that much of a hurry to leave such a miserable place? Before I or the ugly brothers as I’ve come to call them could do anything a voice echoes down the hallway.
“Hey, what do you three think you’re doing?” I quickly hide “last resort” into my inner pocket of my Gakuran. The voice sounded female with a streak of harshness. As she walks towards us she says to the three “Do you want me to report you to principal Celestia, again?” Before she utters another word, the three run off with tails between their legs. As she stands just in front of me and extends her hand she says to me kindly. “Need some help?” I take a quick glimpse of her outfit. She was wearing black boots with a yellow mark, she wore teal leggings and an aqua top. The jacket seemed to match her boots. Around her neck an amulet of a sun. Her emerald eyes, yellow and orange hair looked familiar. Her eyes widened as she looked at my face. “Oh my god. Are you ok? Did they hurt you?” she must have been referring to my black eye. I could blame it on them, as karma but they seemed scared by her. Who would admit they got scared off from a victim by a girl, no one. That in its own way was karma. Before I knew it she was helping me up, I normally don’t accept help from others I don’t know, but there’s something about her.
“No, I walked into a door this morning. I’d put ice on it but I only moved here yesterday.” I didn’t want to tell her my mother did it, I didn’t want anyone’s pity. Suddenly she grabbed my hand and said with a smile.
“Well then, let’s make our first stop on the tour the nurse’s office.” Normally I would wrenching my hand free from someone’s grip and immediately disinfect it but some reason, I don’t. As I walked down the hall I start to feel sick, it’s the girl’s hair. It reminds me of bacon. What was in that that sandwich? This has been one chaotic start.
