Indiana Jones In Equestria

by Zhe Pydoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Mystery, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Daring Do, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 3332

Everybody's favorite whip-slinging, globetrotting professor of archaeology, Indiana Jones, by some freak accident, somehow ends up in Equestria. Naturally, he is NOT happy about it. And... incidentally, niether is Daring Do.

While trying to get away with the Golden Fertility idol, some accident freak miracle spirits away Dr. Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones Jr. to Equestria. When he lands on Daring Do, she is NOT happy about it. Now stuck for the time being, which he isn't happy about, but at least he still has the idol, he has to "try" to live amongst ponies while trying to find a way back. Also, he finds this intolerable as his dad always says. Now stuck with Daring Do, they have to learn to survive, not just her enemies, but also each other, which they aren't happy about.

Published 2017-09-05 03:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-08 02:32:40 UTC

Chapter 1: Peru, 1935

Peru, 1935

A man wearing a brown fedora and leather jacket and safari wear made his way through the jungle briefly stopped and took a quick look at a South American mountain that he jokingly called Paramount peak. Four others followed him. One of the men said something in Spanish to continue following him. This man was Barranca, one of the guides helping the mysterious man with the hat.

Another man with a machete continued cutting his way through the dense until he found a statue which scared him shitless and made him run away.

"Heh." Indy chuckled under his breath.

He then walks over to a dense marsh to try and piece together an old map of the temple of the Chachapoyan Warriors. Indy looks at the tattered map and walks away from one of the trees. The two guides rush over to where Indy was just standing and spot a poisoned dart.

"The Hovitos are near."

Satipo tastes a small dosage of the poison and quickly spits it out.

"The Poison is still fresh. Three days. They're following us."

"If they knew we were here..." Barranca points out. "they would have killed us already."

The group continues walking until they reach a small part of the Peruvian River. Indy stops yet again to try and piece together the map that he had with him. Barranca stops to pull his pistol and prep it to fire at Indy. Indy cranes his head and yanks out his whip and disarms Barranca, causing his pistol to fall into the water. Like a boss, Indy steps into the light to reveal his unamused expression. Barranca, still clutching his whip-bruised wrist, runs away in terror. Satipo meanwhile had a horrified look on his face, which Indy ignores again as he coils his whip again.

Satipo and Indy make their way up to a steep incline where a lone bag with sand clumped around it resided.

"This is it. This where Forrestal cashed in." Indy explains, grabbing the bag and filling it with sand.

"A friend of yours?"

"A competitor. He was good. He was very, very, good."

"Señor." Satipo pleaded with Indy. "Nobody has come out of there alive... please."

"Stop!" Indy says, still holding his whip in his hand. "Stay out of the light."

Satipo gives an understanding nod and leans down against the wall. By Indy's standards, probably not a good idea, especially if the wall you are leaning against happens to be a trap, which it wasn't.

With his free hand, he sticks it into the light, causing a bunch of spikes and the shishkababed corpse of Forrestal to reveal itself to an unsurprised Indiana Jones (as he had encountered corpses of other explorers who had done what Forrestal has done) and a frightened Satipo, who has probably crapped his pants by now if he hasn't already.

"Forrestal."

THWAP!

Indy's trusty whip (never leave home without it) wrapped itself around a thick tree branch. He swung across no problem. Satipo however, nearly fell to his death into a spiked pit below the chasm. Indy grabbed him by his belt buckle and grabbed the whip handle from his guide.

Meanwhile, in Alternate Universe #Lord knows what number...

Daring Do made her way towards a similar altar, she just breezed her way through a trap filled floor, avoiding all of the traps.

"HA! All too easy." Daring says, making her way to the altar.

Upon arriving into the shrine room where the altar was kept, Indy and Satipo stared at the golden idol in all its constipated glory.

"Let us hurry, there is nothing to fear here!" Satipo says, trying to make a run for the idol, but he is then stopped by Indy and shoved against the wall.

"That's what scares me." Indy says, letting go of Satipo and grabbing the extinguished torch from him.

They both knelt down and examined the title, Indy with a knowing gaze, and Satipo with a questioning look. Indy presses down on the tile, and a poisoned dart shoots out of the statue head and stabs the torch.

"Stay here." Indy says, handing the poison darted torch to Satipo.

"If you insist Senior."

Indy then proceeds to head towards the moss-covered altar, with Satipo watching, treating the floor like it was his own hopscotch board if he were to put one on his driveway back home, and he almost did trigger a pressure plate, but he continued on his merry way to grab the damn thing.

"I've gotcha now." Daring says.

Indy got a good look at the idol before whipping out his sandbag and pouring some out.

Daring did something similar, except she didn't take a bag of sand and replace the artifact with it. She just took the Sapphire stone from its altar! She ran off because of the fact that she took it and now the whole place is going to collapse if she didn't get the hell out of dodge!

Meanwhile, Indy grabbed the idol and placed his bag on top of the altar. Both Satipo and Indy chuckled with satisfaction. Indy readjusted his fedora on his head and turned around. Both Satipo and Indy's celebraton was cut short as the pedestal shrank into the altar, causing a bunch of traps to trigger, with Indy running through the pressure plates. By the time Indy had reached the chasm, he saw Satipo on the other side, holding his whip.

"Give me the whip."

"Throw me the idol." Satipo says

They both see a stone door closing.

"No time to argue! Throw me idol, I'll throw you the whip!"

Indy throws the idol to Satipo. "Give me the whip!"

Satipo drops the whip. "Adiós, señor."

With Satipo gone, Indy was forced to jump across the chasm and climb up a vine. He slides under the door and quickly coils his whip and attaches it to his belt. Indy then encounters the impaled body of Satipo and picks up the idol.

"Adios Satipo."

A combination of a deep rumbling sound and stones grinding caused Indy to turn around. A GIGANTIC boulder was careening towards him, and he ran so fast. Unfortunately, he tripped on a rock and the boulder caught up to him. Indiana Jones was no more. He was dead... or was he?

Daring Do bolted out of the collapsing temple and just in time as she looked up at the sky to see a bipedal shape fall.

And fall.

And fall... onto her! She was not happy. AT ALL.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Indy screamed in terror.

Indy landed on top of Daring, the Pegasus right below him, against her will, breaking his fall.

"I shoulda stayed in the classroom." Indy muttered to himself. "Until I can get back to the classroom. Looks like I'm stuck here. Wherever the hell 'here' is. Oh hey, I still got the idol!"

"Ow. You're in Equestria." Daring responds, albeit a little angrily.

"What are you? WHO are you? Where are you from? What are you wearing?! Nice hat by the way."

"Firstly, I'm a human, or homo sapien, if you want to get scientific. As for who I am, I'm Doctor Henry "Indiana" Jones, Professor of Archaeology at Barnett College. But, you can call me Indy. This is what I normally wear when I'm off on an adventure. And thanks."

"Daring Do." the Pegasus says. "I'm a..."

"Pegasus, yes I know. I've studied Greek mythology before." Indy says, still examining his prize, with Daring doing (pun intended) the same with her prize. They stare at each other for a few awkward moments before Indy said:

"We should..."

"Go get help." Daring suggests.

"Great minds..." Indy says.

"Think alike." Daring and Indy both say.

"We should probably stop..."

"Finishing each other's sentences?"

"LET'S JUST GO!" Daring said impatiently.

With going for help in mind, the two fellow adventurers-in-arms walked, in Daring's case flew, off to Daring Do's residency.

Author's Note

I'm not sorry for writing this. Please don't sue me LucasFilms.
:twilightoops:

Constructive criticism and constructive criticism in the comments are greatly appreciated. Let me know what you think of the story and let me know what I could do better.

Chapter 2: Wherein Indy Cannot Even...

"And that's my adventures so far, well, up until here anyways." Indy concludes.

"Well, enough about me. How about you? How'd you get into Archaeology?"

"Me?" Daring asks, putting a hoof on her chest. "Well, my life of adventuring and archaeology started when I was a little filly..."

TWO HOURS LATER...

Indy was flabbergasted after learning that the weather was made in Equestria and even more so upon hearing that two celestial alicorns controlled the two main celestial bodies, which basically, by Indy's standards, contradicted everything about science that he's ever known. Not only that, but her mother of all people, err, ponies got her into archaeology. Daring giggled, something she normally never did, at Indy's confusion.

"What's the matter Indy?" Daring teased. "I thought you said you studied mythology before?"

"Yeah, but, not like this." Indy said, lost in his own thoughts. In truth, he had no idea what to say. In fact, he had no IDEA what to make of his predicament.

"Well, we're here!" Daring said, opening the door to her house. Said house looked like it was ransacked by somebody.

"Looks like someone's been here." Indy pointed out.

"Caballeron."

"Caba-who?" Indy asked, still confused.

"Caballeron. He's rival of mine, of course I have other rivals. He wanted to work with me, I refused, and we've been rivals ever since."

"Kind of reminds me of Belloq." Indy remarked.

"Who's he? A friend of yours?" Daring asked.

"No." Indy seethed. "We were classmates at one time. He plagiarized my paper on stratigraphy and took credit for the work and claimed I plagiarized his work. Because of this, he was awarded the Archaeological Society Prize with me unable to prove the theft. We've been enemies since then."

"I see." Daring said.

"DARING DO! YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO ME!" a voice from afar called out.

"Ahuizotl."

"Who?"

"Another one of my worst rivals." Daring explained.

"Amen to that." Indy said.

True to her word, Ahuizotl was indeed strange, especially to Indy, since he'd never seen anything like him before in his career, as of yet. Indy got a good, albeit a brief one, look at Ahuizotl. Ahuizotl had a strangely shaped rectangular muzzle, pointed ears and dark fur, and had an extra hand on his tail.

What else is new in this messed up place?!?!?! Indy thought, still not comprehending what the hell was going on.

"Jones, c'mon, we've gotta get help!" Daring said.

"Right." Indy said as he and Daring both dashed off to go get help.

"CURSE YOU DARING DO AND..." Ahuizotl trailed off, still shaking his fist in the air and trying to piece together the name of her bipedal compatriot. "whatever your name is!"

Meanwhile...

Both Daring Do and Indiana Jones ran out of the jungles and outside of the quaint little town of Ponyville, out of breath, sweating.

"And to think *wheeze*, I outran a gigantic rock that almost crushed me!" Indy wheezed, out of breath.

"What?" Daring asked, confused.

"Long story, I'll tell you later. Right now we need to get help, and get me out of here." Indy said.

"You're handling this surprisingly well." Daring says to Indy.

"I've seen stranger things." Indy says to Daring.

"Like what?"

"I've seen a man overwhelmed by a power he couldn't control, went crazy from said power and destroyed an ethereal dimension. I've also seen a man have his heart ripped out, with said man still alive and with his heart still beating." Indy explained.

Now it was Daring's turn to be surprised.

"C'mon, Daring. Let's go before Ahui... whatever his name is comes looking for us." Indy says, metaphorically shaking Daring Do out of her surprised stupor.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think of this so far, and as always, constructive criticism is always greatly appreciated.

Chapter 3: Wherein Indy Still Cannot Even... (Or Meeting The Princesses + The Mane Six)

Both Indiana Jones and Daring Do headed toward Ponyville with the intention of finding help from either the monarchs of Equestria or a friend of Daring's.

"Halt foul creature!" a bunch of voices, belonging to a squad of Pegasus guards shouted towards Indiana Jones, while he himself reached for his bullwhip. Just as the guards were about to arrest Indy, a regal yet commanding voice rang out:

"STOP! Let me deal with these two." An alabaster white alicorn and a dark blue one said at once.

"But Your Highness, this creature is dangerous!" A guard shouted.

"Be still. Allow us to handle this." the white one said.

"As you wish Your Highnesses." the guard says, backing off.

"Hello Miss Do. Hello... um." the princess said.

"I'm Doctor Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones of Barnett College, but please, call me "Indy" or "Indiana"." Indy says, introducing himself to the white alicorn.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Indiana. I am Princess Celestia. And this is my sister, Princess Luna."

"Pleasure to meet you both." Indy says, shaking both the monarch's hooves.

"I'm sure you must need a place to stay after you travelled this far. Speaking of which, how did you manage to come here? There hasn't been a human here for centuries." Princess Celestia asked.

"I... don't know. I have no clue how I even got here. I was hoping that you could tell me. The last thing I remember was being chased by a giant rock and almost getting crushed and poof..." Indy says, snapping his fingers. "I'm suddenly here."

"Hmm." Princess Celestia muses. "That is strange. Your best bet is to talk to my student and her friends."

"And where are they?" Indy asks.

"In Yakistan, dealing with a problem."

Much to the monarch's surprise, Indy was laughing. Laughing. Wrap your head around that.

"What's so funny?" Princess Luna asks, raising a brow.

His laughter subsiding, Indy answers, "Forgive me Princess, but..." he suppresses a snicker. "'Yakistan' sounds like Pakistan!"

"When Twilight and her friends return. We will summon them to Canterlot to meet you." Princess Celestia explains.

Again, Indy starts howling with laughter. "P-Please..." Indy says, in between laughs, eventually calming down somewhat. "N-No more. I can't take the horse puns anymore!"

Princess Celestia sighs. Today was going to be a long day.

A few hours later, Daring Do, Indiana Jones, and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna all rode in a chariot towards Canterlot Castle, the guards landing near the front door. The four then proceed into the throne room where they awaited the arrival of Twilight and her friends.

"This is a nice place you have here." Indy comments, pointing to the glass windows with depictions of various events in the present day. "Kinda reminds me of Archduke Ferdinand's palace. And... her." he says that last part sadly.

"Who is this 'her' thou speakest of?" Princess Luna asks.

Indy then takes out a locket with a picture of the person in question. "This is Princess Sophie, daughter of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. My first love interest."

"I was deeply in love with her. We were good friends. But then, something happened in which Archduke Ferdinand forbade me from seeing her again. I snuck out of my room to see her one last time. Years later, Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated in 1914. I fought in World War one on the side of the French." Indy explains.

"I'm sure Rainbow Dash would love to hear of your adventures." Princess Celestia said with a subtle grin.

A few minutes later, Twilight and her friends walked into the throne room.

"Oh my. Whatever is he wearing?" a posh voice coming from one of the mares asks.

"I normally wear this when I'm off on an adventure."

"What do you wear when you're not?" the mare asks. "Oh. Wherever are my manners? I'm Rarity."

"It's nice to meet you miss. I am Doctor Henry "Indiana" Jones, Professor of Archaeology. You can call me "Indy," or "Indiana"."

"Wow princess, I thought you were joking about a human being here. Hey Twilight? I thought that humans were myths?" a cyan mare, which Indy assumed to be Rainbow Dash asked another purple mare with wings.

"OH A NEW GUY. HE MUST BE NEW SO THAT MEANS I HAVE TO THROW HIM A PART---"

"Pinkie, this is hardly the time or place to throw a party for him. We'll have to do it some other time."

Twilight's eye twitched.

"Is she alright?" Indy asked, following Twilight's examining of him. He points to her again. "Is she always like this when something like me comes around?"

"Well darn tootin' mister. Ah think ya'll broke her." another mare with a southern drawl said.

"No, I think she's..."

Suddenly, much to Indy's surprise, Twilight belted him with a barrage of questions.

"What are you? Who are you? Why are you here? What are you wearing? What's that on your belt? Why do you have a bag attached to you? What do you do for a living? Are you a SPY?!?!?!"

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash says. "Are you a SPY?!"

"CONSARNIT RAINBOW! Ya'll think everypony we meet is a spah!"

"First off, I'm a human, or homo sapiens if you wanna get scientific with me. Second, I'm Doctor Henry "Indiana" Jones of Barnett College, but please call me "Indy". Third, I have no motives for being here, I came here by accident. Fourth, this is my ensemble for when I'm off on an adventure, and when I don't I normally wear a suit when I teach a class, which I left at home. Next, as for what's on my belt, my bullwhip and gun, which I use for self-defense. The bag, as you call it, is a satchel, and I have it slung over my shoulder. As I said before, I am a Professor of Archaeology and an adventurer. Finally, no, I'm not a spy. I have no intention of hurting you or your leaders. If I were to try and hurt any of you, your princess would probably incinerate me to a pile of ashes. Does that answer your questions?" Indy answered, out of breath.

Twilight was flabbergasted, Rarity and the orange mare who never introduced herself (how rude) were in shock, Rainbow Dash was fangirling (fan... fillying? I dunno.) at the sheer fact that he was an adventurer, just like her idol, a yellow Pegasus mare with a pink mane just backed off and hid behind her mane, and Pinkie's jaw literally dropped all the way to the floor.

"Pray tell Dr. Jones, how did thoust come here?" Princess Luna asked.

"First of all, don't call me "Dr. Jones," please. It makes me feel old. And second. The last thing I remember is being chased in a temple by a boulder, tripping on a random rock, and poof. I'm here."

"Twilight. May I uh, live with you in, wherever you live in..." he snickers. "Ponyville? I don't exactly have anywhere else to go."

Shaking out of her Dr. Jones-induced mindf(SQUEE)ck, Twilight smiled and said, "Of course you can."

"I'm sorry for landing on you Daring. No hard feelings?" Indy asks, turning his attention to Daring, who looked back at him with an "I don't give a shit" look on her face.

"We're good." is the only thing that came out of Daring's mouth.

"Then it's settled. Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones shall live with Twilight and her friends in Ponyville while we figure out a way to send him back." Princess Celestia said, looking to her sister.

"I have no qualms with this arrangement." Princess Luna says in approval.

Author's Note

Murder on my fingers this keyboard is! I had WAAAAAAAAAY too much fun writing this. :trollestia: