Goldenpie

The cold wind of the Russian spring blew through the treetops. Despite this birds could be heard singing over them. Despite the whiteness of the ground there were some patches peaking out from behind the snow. Pointy bushes were showing themselves in these patches that, when summertime came. would be filled with berries. These bushes with berries grew from the dirt, dirt nourished by the dead things that laid inside it.

Starlight Glimmers eyes were half shut. In front of her two long stones had been placed in the shape of an X. In front of the X a flat stone leaned. On the flat stone a shape had been carved, the shape was a half moon tail. The tail was holding a staff. The staff had a star engraved at the end of it. Together the composition made a half moon tail holding a magician staff. It was the cutie mark of Trixie the unicorn. The stone was her gravestone, and the dirt was her contribution to the berries that would be growing in the summer. But Starlight Glimmer would not be growing with her. It was exactly this thought that sent her into this state of depression that she were in. Starlight snorted. A tear ran down her right cheek as the thought ran on repeat inside her head.

Back in Equestria the mood was as dampened as inside the movie, so dampened that it could easily have been mistaken for a sheet and thrown over a bed like some kind of bizarre experiment by Discord, although the ponies inside the room doubted that even Discord would be able to lighten up this mood. Fluttershy’s sobbing could be heard at the back of the living room.

Littlefoot had a distinguished face. By now he was more than aware of what this feeling meant to everyone involved, a direct result of him loosing his mother when he was little.

“Pika, pikaaaa.” Pikachu said sympathizingly.

Ash Ketchum, being a man of action, had no idea what to say. In front of him Rainbow Dash was in a similar situation.

“I can't believe that she is gone.” Apple Jack said.

Twilight Sparkle looked with a sad face at the TV screen. She knew that Trixie wasn’t really dead in Equestria. She knew that Trixie would come back if they were able to reverse Starlights spell. She knew that Starlight knew this as well. But for some bizarre reason it didn’t matter, the same way it didn’t matter when a character that you loved in a TV series died. It was almost like Starlight Glimmer had become an actual character inside the Goldeneye movie and the ponies watching the movie were sympathizing with her like they would do with a movie character, even though they knew inside that she was the real Starlight Glimmer.

Twilight took a deep breath. She had to say something. Her horn lit up as she transmitted her words to Starlight.

“Starlight.” Twilights voice sounded inside Starlights head

Starlight didn’t react. Her half shut eyes remained in their melancholic state. Twilight continued in a soft voice

“Starlight. I know that it it doesn’t...” Twilight sighed. “...That it’s hard, even though she will be back if we sort this out, she still died in your hooves.”

Starlight still didn’t react. Twilight went straight to the point.

“But Pinkie Pie needs you Starlight. She has been gone for a while now and i fear that she might give up. She needs your help if you’re ever going to get through this.”

The silence laid itself over the forrest. Only the wind and the birds could be heard.

“Do you understand Starlight?” Twilight ended.

Starlight raised her pupils slightly. She lowered them again before falling back into melancholy. At least it was something, Twilight thought.

Around Starlight Glimmer the forrest laid thick. Above the forrest, further ahead, there was a tourist resort. Inside the tourist resort there was a bar. Inside the bar there was a pony, a pink pony.

Pinkie Pie was sitting down beside a poker table, ignoring all the curious looks from the Russians wondering what in the world a creature she was. A jazz piano was playing in the background .Much like Starlight, Pinkie Pies eyes were stuck in a constant state of melancholy. To her right she had Jack Black, or his character rather. Jack Black’s character was a card manager at the casino of which Pinkie Pie had made her retreat.

“Sure you don’t want a bomb?” Jack Black’s character offered Pinkie Pie a drink, “The bar guy owes me a favor, i could get you one on the house.”

Pinkie Pie did not answer. Her usually puffed up curly hair laid limply at the side of her head, the same head of which the memory of Starlight Glimmer crying over Trixie circulated. If only Pinkie Pie hadn’t been so silly about breaking up Alec and Bonds friendship they could all have been home in Equestria by now. Now they would probably be stuck inside this movie forever. Pinkie Pie remembered when she jumped happily between rooftops with her Ponyville friends. Why did all that feel like a dream now?

Alec Trevelyan opened his eyes. A dissy sensation followed as only one of his eyes gave a blurry image of the light shining down on him. He could hear the sound of hospital equipment beside him. He raised his hand and felt behind the dark part of his vision. A huge bandage had been placed all over the right side of his face, covering his right eye. A memory touched the back of his mind.

‘Bond.’

“It is unfortunate.” A voice said, almost like it was answering Alecs thought.

Alec immediately recognized that voice. There were the sound of wires being torn when Alec flew up from his hospital bed. With one motion of his strong arm he pressed Ourumov up against the wall.

“You!” Alec growled

Ourumov gasped for breath.

“Put... me... down...ah.”

“Give me one reason why i shouldn’t kill you here and now.” Alec said darkly.

“Your... family...” Ourumov gasped.

“My family?!” Alec tightened his grip.

Ourumov was unable to answer while being choked. Alec released Ourumov, who took almost a minute to catch his breath. Alec sat down on the hospital bed and faced down. Ourumov sat down in a chair beside the bed. Ourumov brought up a pistol and placed it on the side table. After Ourumov had gained his bearings he started speaking with perfect pronunciation.

“As i said, it is unfortunate. It pains me to see you like this Alec Trevelyan, especially after all the preparations that we made together before we lost contact.”

“I made a decision, old friend.” Alec said.

“Yes, Alec. You did. And I made mine. The Russia i knew is dead. So long i have only watched on as a mere space division general while my country falls into despair. But soon all that is going to change. Soon my autority will stretch far beyond even the greatest of world leaders." Ourumov paused. He looked down before saying with a stronger voice. “And as somene with that kind of authority, the first thing i will do is to pardon and support every last cossack in-between Ukraine and Russia.” Ourumov promised while moving his hand over to the pistol.

Alec looked at Ourumov. His left eye sparkled in disbelief.

“You know?”

Ourumov smiled.

“Yes, Alec, i know. And i am not here to pretend like this doesn’t make us enemies.” Ourumov took his hand of the pistol and continued.

“But as a wise man once said, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. As mortal enemies you may kill me and die alone, or i may kill you and lose a potential ally with insight in the British secret service. But isn't that the reason why you and i became the best of enemies, Alec?”

Alec looked down at the floor again. It was like Ourumov had read his mind.

“You are thinking about Bond, don’t you?” Ourumov asked. Ourumov took of his general hat.

“I am aware that you have no reason to trust me regarding his fate. Also, i might as well say it out loud, that i would have killed him if i had the chance.” Ourumov raised his voice and spoke the next part honestly.

“But even though you have no reason to trust me i will still give you my word that i am in the dark regarding James Bond. We found you next to an icy river but we never found Bond, he might have survived, he might have drowned.”

“Of course you would say that.” Alec said.

Ourumovs eyes hardened.

“It is my report. Take it or leave it.”

Alecs mind went around in circles. Ourumov leaned in closer to Alec and spoke in a personal tone.

“I will give you a luxury house overlooking London. From there you may watch Britain tear itself apart. The future will belong to you, and you alone. Dead or alive, James Bond may not like it, but he will be forced to accept it once MI6 realizes that our influences cannot be toppled over night, and like the obedient government dog he allways was he will stand down.”

Alec’s eyes grew dim. He found himself stuck between the notion that Bond might be dead and revenge for his family. He felt his heart hanging by a thread as his final decision slowly festered itself in his mind.

A presence sat down next to Pinkie Pie. Slowly she turned her sad pink face to see who it was.

James bond straightened his tie. He saw the restaurant waiter walking not far from there. He raised his finger until the waiter noticed him.

Pinkie Pie watched the waiter approach Bond. She turned her depressed face downward, ready for the redundant ‘Oaaaah!’ that would soon be blasting out from James Bonds mouth. Unbeknownst to both James Bond and Pinkie Pie, it was in that exact moment when, far away on a hospital bed, Alec Trevelyan decided to join Ourumov and help him with his plans.

“Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.” A handsome voice said. Pinkie Pie gasped. Her eyes widened. She looked to her side. James Bonds handsome eyes glanced sideways at her.

“And i think i’ll have one for this lady here as well.” He added.

Pinkie Pie was taken a back. Nopony had ever called her lady before, except for maybe Rarity.

“Good evening sir.” Jack Blacks character greeted Bond.

“Please, call me Bond, James Bond.”

“Well, in that case. Good evening mr Bond.” Jacks character said.

James looked at Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie Pie?” His manly voice addressed. Pinkie Pie could not have imagined how handsome James Bonds voice would be. She felt a smile form on her face.

“Heheh. Yes?” She giggled.

“Have you ever played poker before?” James right eye squinted.

“No, i haven't.” Pinkie answered.

James turned to Jacks character.

“May i borrow some of your cards?”

The card manager gave Bond a set of cards. In the same moment the waiter returned to the table. He turned his right arm around and came from Pinkie Pies right as he put a round glass front of her.

The glass contained a spectral liquid with two olives floating on top. A thin wooden twig was impaled in one of the olives. Pinkie Pie picked up the glass and sipped it. There was a warming sensation inside her throat. Bond showed Pinkie Pie the card bundle.

“52 cards.” James bond instructed.

He laid down 14 cards in a row. He ran his finger across them.

“Highest and lowest.” James Bonds handsome voice pulled at Pinkie Pies heart strings. She couldn’t help but giggle.

“Hihihih...”

James laid down the card that had a A in its corner.

“This is Ace. When having no pair you can play this for a chance of the highest card.”

James laid down two cards of the same number.

“When having a pair you will always win over those with no pair. When up against another pair you win by having the higher pair.”

Pinkie Pie listened in awe as James Bond went over all the poker hands from lowest to highest, all while taking small sips of the vodka martini. Eventually she started feeling dissy.

“Well thats very interesting James. hihihi.” Pinkie Pie giggled.

Once James Bond had gone over all the possible hands Pinkie Pie had emptied her martini. Jack Blacks character had secretly sneaked in another one. He laughed in the background as Pinkie Pies cute voice got more and more tipsy.

“Now, this is how the game itself works. You start by having one of the players place a bet.”

“A bet...? Of whaaaat!” Pinkie Pie sailed.

“Well, a bet on yourself that you will win by having the highest hand of course.” James Bond said politely.

“Oh... RiHIght.” Pinkie Pie had a hiccup in the middle of the ‘Right’.

“Each player then get a chance to either call by placing the same bet as the last player or choose drop out. They also have the option to raise by placing a higher bet.”

Pinkie Pie felt herself ‘raise’ higher alright.

“A hiiiiiiigher bet yu saHI...yi.” She blurted.

Jack Blacks secret laughter could be heard somewhere behind the jazz piano playing in the background.

“But this is when the game gets interesting. You see Pinkie Pie, an opposing player could have one of the highest hands in the game, but if he sees you bet over everyone else he might start believing that he might not have such a high hand after all and drop out. And since no one can se your cards it is possible for you to have nothing but still win the game. That is called bluffing.”

“Bluffing? Like a Chaaaaaangeling turning into a priiiiincess and pretending to be yoHOuu’r mothers groom... hugh?!” Pinkie Pie blurted while looking dreamily at James Bond. Jack Blacks chuckles tried to subdue themselves.

James Bond didn’t even try to understand what that meant. After going over the rules of poker Equestria came into subject.

“So what exactly is Equestria?” James asked. Pinkie Pies head swayed as her vocals delayed.

“Oh... Its a biiiiiig place filled with laaaaaathter and freeeendship and... hugh...and ponies that you have paaaaaarties with.”

Pinkie Pie rose from her chair and started jumping happily up and down. Her jumps veered to the sides in her drunken state. There were angry voices when Pinkie Pie landed on top of a table.

“An as youaal knoHOw i’m allwais exHIteeeed to meet new friends and if we aaHAll gather we could have this giaaaant paaaartieeHE!”

Pinkie Pies hiccups sounded like corkscrews opening up champaign bottles. This combined with the image of the jumping pink pony became to much for Jack Blacks character. His hoarse voice could be heard over the jazz piano as he were laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. James Bond leaned over Jacks character.

“Maybe you should have a glass of water ready for her before we get back.”

Jacks character caught up with his breath.

“Yea. Im all over it.”

The following morning the sun entered the window into Starlight and Pinkie Pies hotel room as Pinkie Pie woke up. She got out of bed. She saw that Starlight was still sleeping.

“Urg” She moaned as the blinding daylight met her eyes. She felt her stomach hurt. Her head ached. She decided that she needed some company. Pinkie Pie walked over to James Bonds hotel room. She raised her hoof and knocked at the door. As the door opened James Pierce Brosnan eyes seemed to see exactly what they expected.

“Well hello Pinkie Pie.” James greeted.

Starlight opened her eyes. She suddenly though she heard something. Was that a voice?

Pinkie Pie walked into James Bonds hotel room. James sat down at the table, his PPK pistol laying at the side of it. Pinkie Pie sat down opposite of James Bond.

Starlight Glimmer walked out of her hotel room. She knew she heard a voice. And not just any voice, but a voice she recognized.

“How are you feeling Pinkie Pie?”

“My head aches, but otherwise, I'm good. What happened last night?” Pinkie Pie asked with a confounding face.

Starlight leaned her ear against the door. She thought she heard Pinkie Pie as well.

“You swallowed one and a half vodka martini.” James Bond informed.

“Vodka martini?” Pinkie Pie had no idea what that was.

Starlight gasped.

‘James Bond? James Bond talks!? The movie is back on track!!!’ The thought exploded inside her head.

Starlight slammed opened the door, a large smile formed on her face. Pinkie Pie wailed her head around, accidentally bumping James Bonds PPK. There were a loud gun blast when the pistol slammed against the hotel floor and stray fired.

James Bond grumped. Starlight and Pinkie Pie looked at him in disbelief. He smiled handsomely at them as he fell backwards with his chair, a bump on the carpeted hotel floor followed.

There was a long silence. Starlight and Pinkie Pie looked at each other with horrified eyes.

“OAAAAH!” James Blasted from the floor.

“WHAT! You KILLED JAMES BOND! You killed THE MAIN CHARACTER!” Twilight blasted at Pinkie Pie while Starlight rewired the transmission to her head.

“It was an accident!” Pinkie Pies white teeth smiled nervously.

Back in Equestria Twilight wasn’t the only face in turmoil. A hoarse voice gave her conclusion.

“Alright, thats it! The villain is a good guy, the hero is a dead gorilla, the governmental stereotype talks about birthday cakes, the military stereotype guy is chasing party ponies and the Bond song is sung by Pinkie Pie. Can things possibly get more derailed than this!?” Rainbow Dash wailed her hooves around incredulously.

“Ah, hehe. Excuse me.” Fluttershy whispered. The other ponies looked at her. “I was thinking, natali....a” Fluttershys voice faded.

“What?!” Rainbow Dash blasted.

“Ah... hehe... na...ta...lia...”

“Im sorry Fluttershy, but you're gonna have to speak up, we can't hear you when you whisper darling.” Rarity said.

Fluttershy made a deep inhale. She released all of her air at once in one hoarse shout, a shout no louder than the leafs of a swaying tree crown.

“Natalya.”

Luckily Apple Jack could hear leaves talk as well as any Apple Tree.

“Oh no. The bond girl!” Apple Jack wailed.

“NATALYA!” Everypony said at once.

“Oh my goodness, i had completely forgotten about her!” Rarity exclaimed.

“Wasn’t she supposed to be at that Severnaya station earlier?” Rainbow Dash asked.

There were the sound of a phone ringing. The phone laid at the bed table in James Bonds hotel room. Pinkie Pie and Starlight looked at each other. Starlight walked over to the table. She picked up the phone. After seconds of hesitation she pressed the answer button. She pressed the phone against her ear. An old woman voice was at the other end.

“007?”

“Starlight.” Starlight answered

“Oh, yes. Hello Starlight, nice to finally speak to you. May i speak with Pinkie Pie please.” The woman voice asked politely.

Starlight looked at Pinkie Pie in disbelief. She reached out her hoof holding the phone.

“It’s for you Pinkie.” She said.

“Hello?” Pinkie Pie answered.

“Hello 007.” M said.

“My name is Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie Pie informed.”

“Yes...007. It’s about time we meet. A helicopter is on it’s way. Make your way up on the hotel roof and we will be there to pick you up.” The call then ended.

Pinkie Pie lowered the phone. She looked at Starlight

“It was Dame Judie Dench.” She informed with a static voice.

“So? What did she say?” Starlight Glimmer asked.

Pinkie Pie put the pieces together in her head.

“That i am 007.”