F*ck you portal!

by EvilRat

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Thorax, Ember, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1479

Spike loses his temper after a trip through the mirror portal.

Spike, Ember, and Thorax are having their monthly friendship meeting when he gets the idea to visit Sunset Shimmer in the human world. After going through the portal, he learns an unsettling and infuriating truth about his life. He doesn't take it very well.

Rated T for strong language, sexual content, and violence.

Art by CaptainLoserFace
Editing by Shardikku

Published 2017-08-30 17:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-30 17:40:06 UTC

The painful truth.

Spike looked down at his half eaten cupcake for the hundredth time in the last five minutes. The silence at the table had transcended awkward and was getting oppressive. He looked up at his two friends joining him at the table. Ember looked ready to eat the table, Thorax seemed to look away as soon as their eyes met. He had to do something, suggest something, before the boredom overwhelmed them all. Then, much like Twilight when he misspelled a word, a thought struck him. A visit to Sunset would liven things up at his monthly friendship meeting.

After a quick trip to Twilight’s bedroom, he found the journal under Twilight's private collection of stallion anatomy props. Trying his best to ignore them, and the pages stuck together, he wrote out a quick note to Sunset. He quickly put the book back, washed his hands, and ran to the meeting room.

“Hey guys, I have a great idea what we can do.” Spike said excitedly.

Ember looked up from her tea and grimaced “It doesn’t have to do with hugging, does it?” she said grumpily.

“No, it’s better than that.”

Thorax looked sad for a moment, then recovered. “W-what is it Spike?” His voice took on a hopeful tone.

“We can visit my friend Sunset Shimmer. She knows a lot about friendship.”

“Great, more ponies.” Ember looked faintly disgusted.

“Well, she used to be a pony, but she lives in a whole other world now. I think it would be fun to visit her there.” Spike said hopefully.

“Fine, let’s get this over with.” Ember still seemed doubtful. Thorax just stared quietly at Spike, drooling slightly.

The three made their way down to the basement where the portal sat, covered by a sheet and a slightly discolored note saying ‘Keep Out.” He pulled back the sheet and folded it neatly. He knew Twilight would be unhappy if she knew he used the portal, but leaving a mess too... she would be madder than when he spilled soup on one of her textbooks. His stomach ached at the memory. She had refused to feed him for a week after that. He flipped the switch and the portal came to life. “Be careful when you come out,” He warned as the lights began to swirl on the mirror-surface, “The portal changes you into creatures from the world on the other side.”

“What do you mean change?” Ember said, a hint of worry creeping into her voice.

“It’s nothing bad, and it changes back when you return.” Spike quickly replied.

“Oh my. That sounds...” Thorax sighed, before drawing himself upright, “No, it’s ok Spike. I trust you.” Thorax said, quickly looking up to meet his eyes with a determined stare.

“Alright, I guess I trust you too.” Ember shrugged, still doubtful. She could scarely afford for the wimpiest Changeling in the land to appear more brave than she.

Spike grinned and stepped up to the portal, the other two right behind him. With a deep breath, the trio stepped through the portal and into the human world.

Once they were through, they took a moment to orient themselves. Spike opened his eyes and promptly let his jaw fall to the ground. He was still the normal purple dog he always was when he came here. He could see Sunset standing in front of him. But what shocked him were the other two humans with her. One was a tall, blue skinned female. Her darker blue hair was cut short, and her clothes seemed more like armor than casual wear. The other was a short, very thin male with green skin and orange and purple hair, standing with his hands on his hips. He was wearing a flashy, vibrant outfit, that screamed flamboyance. But that wasn’t what shocked him. What shocked him was he knew exactly who they were. After his brain slowly started working again, he turned around and calmly walked over to the portal. As he walked, his vision started taking on a red tint. When he reached the portal, the rage building in his tiny, drake-turned-dog mind reached a breaking point.

He sighed wistfully, “Seriously?” He stomped pathetically, his tiny paws making a light patting noise on the stone, “No, please, seriously?”

And then his two friends’ reflections met his gaze in the mirror, and the floodgates were swung wide open.

“What the fuck, you piece of shit. Why the fuck am I the only one who’s a dog? Ember is a dragon, why isn’t she a dog too. Is it that she’s already enough of a bitch?”

Ember looked shocked for a moment. “What do you-”

“Shut up, you scaley cunt!” He sniped, shutting her up in an instant before he continued his tirade. “And what about Thorax? He’s a changeling- a fucking bug! Shouldn’t he be something other than a human?” He paused, panting, “But hey, I’ll give you credit- I didn’t think even Rarity could come up with clothes as gay as he is, but how the fuck is that fair?”

Thorax was shocked. He looked over at Sunset, who was stunned by the rant, and pouted, “Do I really look that gay?”

Sunset jumped, remembering he was even there. She looked him over and said “Yeah, you do. I wonder why the mirror did that?”

Thorax just gave a small smile. “I really don’t know. But I do feel oddly comfortable in them.” He hummed, his eyes lighting up as he caught sight of two happy looking young men across the street.

Meanwhile, Spike kept ranting, his rage over years of perceived mistreatment boiling over. “I guess, just like everypony else, I’m just a fucking pet to you. Why don’t you put a fucking collar on me and call it quits? You’re lucky I don’t have my fire breath, or I’d melt your ass the way I melted Twilight’s cooch when I put hot sauce on her ‘special toys’.”

Sunset knew she had to stop this. She ran over to Spike and tried to cover his mouth. He promptly bit her, causing her to back away. “I didn’t forget about you either, you sunny-haired bitch. She thinks about you when she fucks herself, by the way- you make a pony horny, you fucking freak. Why else was she screaming your name when it started burning? Pretty appropriate, since you were the demon mongrel that had her retard minions kidnap me.”

Sunset started crying, the emotional pain of her mistake from years past still a wound on her heart. From across the schoolyard, Fluttershy watched this all happen. She had been shocked at the language Spike was using, but thought it best to stay out of what was going on. But when she saw Sunset start to cry, her assertiveness kicked in. She had to do something. And after years working at the animal shelter, she knew exactly what needed to be done about aggressive dogs…

She got up and strode purposefully over to the unfolding scene.

Spike had not let up in the slightest. He was venting years of anger and hate and didn’t care who got in the firing line. Suddenly, something yanked him up off the ground by the scruff of his neck. It was shock enough to snap him out of his red-tinted haze of anger and back to reality. He turned and saw a yellow face shockingly close to his. Painfully green eyes seemed to stare straight through him, burying into his soul. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t even think under that powerful gaze. He fought hard to turn his head and managed just enough to see Sunset crying on the ground, Thorax trying to comfort her. He turned a bit more and saw Ember, just waiting for the chance to murder him painfully.

“Oh.” He said, realization beginning to reach its icy claws around his insides. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

Fluttershy shook her head sadly, though her eyes didn’t soften. “Yes. Yes you did. And do you know what we do to dogs who act like you just did?”

“N-no?”

“We neuter them.” With that last, firm sentence, Fluttershy carried Spike off in the direction of the animal hospital.

Thorax was the first to recover from his verbal thrashing, letting out a camp, curious sigh. “What does neuter mean?”

Sunset wiped the last of her tears out of her eyes. She knew she should probably have felt bad for the little dog, but she was still stinging,
hurt and shocked by Spike’s words..

“Let’s get you two home.” She said, ushering them back towards the portal, “I’ll explain later.” With that, Sunset and the two Equestrian leaders stepped through the portal, and then they were gone.

Far in the distance, a faint howl could be heard, suddenly ratcheting up a few octaves into a girly scream.