Too Much Cake

by AzureDreamer

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Fetish, Royal Guard, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Anthro, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn
Length: 4943

Celestia requests her sister and the royal guard's aid in her quest to burn some calories. (with sex. burn calories with lots and lots of sex)

Princess Celestia has put on a few pounds in the thousand years since Princess Luna was banished to the moon. It's only natural, given her extreme fondness for cake and the lack of time for exercise. And she's always tended towards being large anyway. It hasn't really been a problem until one day, on the first day of her first real vacation in a thousand years, she discovers that she's gotten so big that she can't fit even her most loose fitting clothing on her expansive body.

Luckily, Celestia has a plan; after borrowing a book on weight loss from Twilight, she ropes one of her personal guards into being her personal trainer and strongarms Luna into joining them so she doesn't have to suffer alone, and begins an extensive regime of intense exercise.

The techniques in Twilight's books are a little bit unorthadox, though.

WARNING! CONTAINS ANTHROS, FUTA, MILD BBW, UNREASONABLY HEAVY PONIES, TITFUCKING, COCK EXPANSION, EXCESSIVE CUM, CUM INFLATION, AND PROBABLY A BUNCH OF OTHER WEIRD STUFF

Cover art by sunlover611, coloured by Hyperstorm_h!

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Published 2017-09-04 20:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-04 20:00:05 UTC

Innovative Weight Loss Techniques

Celestia had always been on the larger side. She maintained that it wasn't really her fault. It was a matter of genetics. She was big boned and had a poor metabolism that left her with a lot of extra plush. Certainly not enough to cross the line to being fat. Just... very generous. There was a lot of her. More to love, she always said. It was vastly preferable to the other extreme, to be sure. A large monarch was an indicator of a prosperous country, and she couldn't remember a time in her very long life when Equestria hadn't been prosperous.

It helped that all the extra mass tended to collect in the right places. Hips and butt and boobs, fat and full and hefty. She was curvy, not fat, dammit. Once a clerk had described her as a BBW, in passing, and it had taken every single ounce of willpower she had not to send him to the dungeons for the rest of his life. Of course, that had been years ago. Since then her figure had changed drastically.

“I must have put on at least a hundred pounds in the intervening century,” she muttered sullenly to herself as she stared into the mirror glumly. She hefted her soft belly – that she had enough of a belly to heft was probably a bad sign. “Look at yourself. You're a monster. A big fat monster with big fat tits and a big fat ass. Ugh.” She punctuated this by giving her cutie mark a good smack, sending ripples of flesh out like a raindrop on a lake. That her hips were wider across than her shoulders was another bad sign. She hefted a tit and let it fall heavily against her body. It couldn't have been that long ago that they were only head-sized. Only head-sized. They had to be at least three times that now. Well beyond the point where standard cup sizes were even remotely relevant, to be sure.

“Well... It's not so bad, right?” she said to herself, smiling insincerely at her reflection. “I mean, most ponies like breasts and rears that are on the larger side, right? It's not that bad. I just need to cut back a bit on the calories.” She nodded with conviction. “Right! From now on no more devil's food, and only three cakes a day.” Besides, she rationalized, it only made sense that she weighed several hundred pounds more than the average pony. She was, after all exactly twelve feet tall. Just about twice the height of an above average earth pony stallion!

Her denial firmly re-established, Celestia got to getting dressed. Thankfully she didn't have any royal engagements today so she didn't have to wear anything nice. Which was good because most of her nice clothing no longer fit her comfortably. The royal tailor had struggled to keep up with her increasingly wide hips and bust and waistline – a losing battle, it seemed, but Celestia remained optimistic. That hardly mattered today, of course. Today was not a day to wear anything fancy and get it dirty. Today was a day to throw on an old tank top and some shorts and engage in her favourite passtime; sitting in the garden eating cake.

Naturally, fate saw fit to rain on her good mood. “Oh, dear,” she muttered to herself as she struggled to get her shorts past her knees. It couldn't possibly have been that long since she'd worn these, could it? But no matter how hard she struggled, she just couldn't get them around her thick thighs. She frowned – if they weren't going to cooperate, she was going to have to resort to drastic measures. Her horn was enveloped in a golden aura, one that extended to her shorts. They might not have been able to stand up to her thighs, but her thighs were no match for the overwhelming magical power of the sun itself. After some more brief struggling they jerked the rest of the way up her thighs. “There we go! Not exactly modest, but today's not a day where modesty matters.”

On they may have been, but her shorts were still stretched to just under the breaking point. They completely failed to cover her cutie mark, and though she couldn't see it in her mirror she could certainly feel it sinking almost completely into the crack of her ass. “Ugh,” she groaned as she gave her butt a scratch. She didn't dare try to adjust her way out of the gigantic fucking wedgie she found herself suffering, lest it prove the straw that broke the camel's back and she found herself out a pair of shorts again. At least the cameltoe she could feel was there wasn't visible – her belly hung just low enough over the hem of her pants to cover it.

“Well, perhaps I'll have more luck with my top.” She was, at least, somewhat wider below than above. Her tank top stood slightly more chance at getting over her fat tits than her shorts did against her rear.

Or at least she'd hoped that, but her hopes were quickly dashed once she got her wings and arms and head into the relevant holes. “Oh, for- ugh,” she muttered, a frown once more returning to her face. Her tank top, it seems, was designed with a mare much less generously endowed in mind. And unlike her pants, she was fairly sure that no amount of brute force was going to get it over her breasts. There just plain wasn't enough fabric to go around. “Oh, bother.”

She took a deep breath and pulled it down as far as she could manage. Which was, frankly, just not far enough, but her nipples were mostly concealed. There was generous underboob visible, yes, and a good portion of areola. But the important thing was that she was decent enough to leave her bedroom. Not enough to go into the castle proper, lest a visiting dignitary get an eyeful of royal tit. But she had a garden in her private quarters and didn't much care if a guard or two got a glimpse of a fraction of a nipple.

“Well, it'll do,” she said firmly. “I have no intentions of cancelling my plans. I need this day off.” That probably had something to do with her increased heft, she thought. It had been more than two hundred years since her last vacation, after all. And even that had hardly counted – until very recently she'd been the only pony on earth powerful enough to move the sun and moon. This was the first day off in a thousand years where that wasn't a concern. Yes, clearly it was simple stress that had caused her to gain so much weight in only a few hundred years. A few weeks of no royal obligations were just what the doctor ordered. She made a mental note to contact her subordinates and make it an official vacation before turning to leave.

The sound of her shorts tearing at the seams echoed throughout Celestia's expansive bedchamber. The tatters floated gently to the floor below as her tank top lost what little purchase it had on her nipples and slid upwards.

Celestia took a deep breath. In, and then out, and then in once more.

“Mother fucker!”

“I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

“Sister why are you naked.”

“I will get to that!” Celestia clapped her hands. “It has become clear to me that mere dieting is not going to be enough. Frankly, I've let my weight get out of control, and something must be done about it!”

Luna buried her face in her palm. “Sister, why are you naked,” she flatly asked again.

“None of my clothes fit!” Celestia threw up her hands in frustration. “It's something of an emergency okay!”

“Okay,” Luna replied slowly. “Next question. Why, exactly, am I here?”

“Because the very first thing you said to me when you got back was 'wow you sure got fat,' dear sister of mine,” Celestia replied sweetly.

“Well, you did,” Luna snapped back. “Look at you! You've gotta weigh at least a few tonnes! Metric, not imperial!”

Celestia muttered something under her breath.

“What was that, sister?”

“I said eight. I weigh eight tonnes.” She crossed her arms petulantly. “Or at least that's how much I weighed the last time I checked. Which was three hundred years ago.”

“Um,” mumbled the third occupant of the gymnasium. “Well, it's not that bad. Proportionally speaking a twelve foot tall pony who weighs eight tonnes is actually only a little bit above average.” She fidgeted nervously. “Sorry, ma'am.”

“No, no, it's quite all right, dear,” Celestia responded kindly.

“Yeah, that's my next question,” Luna said, crossing her arms sullenly. “Who's the shrimp?”

“The shrimp, who is six and a half feet tall by the way which is quite tall for a unicorn mare her age by the way, is one of my personal guards. She might not seem it at first, but she's an elite royal soldier. One of the best in the entire military.”

“My name's Golden Spear, your majesty,” the smaller mare added, bowing to Princess Luna.

“Goldie here has volunteered to help us both with our new workout routine.” Celestia grinned widely. “I intend to at least reach a point where I don't have to buy custom-made pants to fit my waistline by the end of my vacation.”

“Okay, fine. Last question.”

“Shoot!”

Luna did not reply, instead gesturing at her nude body and frowning.

“I, um, would also very much like to know the answer to that question, your majesty,” Goldie added. Her arms were locked firmly in place, doing her best to conceal her private parts from view. She was fairly successful, at least, in covering her modest breasts, but even both hands wouldn't have been enough to cover her enormous horsecock. Its dark amber length hung heavily, reaching her knees while soft – erect it was nearly three feet long. She had no hopes of even beginning to conceal it without clothing. Though she made an attempt, which was more than could be said for Luna.

The Princess of the Night was clearly in much better shape than her elder sister. Her waist was trim, with her tight abs clearly outlined. She wasn't quite as slim and muscular as Goldie, however – her figure was still quite generous. Wide hips and big tits, though compared to Celestia she was practically a twig. Of course, the biggest difference between the two sisters was not their figures. Where Celestia was very obviously female, Luna had four and a half feet of fully erect dark purple meat jutting forth from her crotch, drooling with copious amounts of precum. Her fat balls hung heavy with the divine potency of an Alicorn.

Goldie kept her gaze firmly focused on the ground.

“Well, I should think that would be obvious!” Celestia nodded. “I got in contact with Twilight and she sent me a book of weight loss techniques. According to the writer, nothing burns calories quite like a nice, long threesome.”

“What?!”

“Oh, for fuck's sake, Tia.” Luna rolled her eyes. “If you wanted to incest, you could'a just said so.”

“What?!”

“That's enough talk! We've got the whole day scheduled so we're not exactly tight on time, but the more we dedicate to talking about this the less time we have to actually work out!” She clapped her hands together eagerly, before turning to Goldie. “Come with me,” she commanded.

“Ugh, whatever,” Luna said. “Lemme know when you're ready for me to join in I guess.”

Celestia led Goldie to the edge of the gym. “The first thing we need to do is deal with the size difference. Lean against the wall.” Goldie swallowed nervously, but obeyed. Embarrassed as she was, she would never even consider disobeying her Princess. Celestia nodded. “Good girl. Make sure your body is well supported. You're going to have to do most of this standing up and we don't want you to fall over and hurt yourself when you cum.”

“Yes, your Majesty,” Goldie replied in quiet awe as she steadied herself against the wall as best as she could. “Okay. I'm, um. I'm ready?”

“You need to relax,” Celestia said, smiling warmly as she lowered herself to her knees. Even kneeling, she had to lean forward to be remotely eye-level with Goldie. “If you keep being so uptight about this, then the sex won't be as good. Which means less overall calories burned!”

“Of course, your Majesty, but-”

“You talk too much.” Celestia leaned down and silenced Goldie with a kiss on the lips.

Goldie's knees almost immediately gave out. The only reason she didn't collapse into a puddle on the floor was the sheer weight of Celestia's hands on her shoulders holding her steady. Goldie moaned into the kiss as she felt a wetness trickle down her inner thighs. She'd always had secret fantasies about being with the Princess, of course. Everypony did. But never in a million years could she have ever imagined that just kissing the princess would be enough to bring her to orgasm – even if it was just her feminine parts that participated this time. She would not be surprised if her cock got in on the action soon. It twitched to life slowly, pulsing bigger and thicker as it reacted to the kiss, to the sensation of soft flesh so close, to the sight of Princess Celestia and her huge tits and fat ass and oh Celestia did Goldie wish there were somepony she could swear to that she wasn't currently participating in a threesome with.

It felt like an eternity before the Princess finally broke the kiss. Goldie slowly slid down the wall, collapsing onto the floor. “Now, Goldie, what did I say about supporting yourself?”

“I apologize, your Majesty,” Goldie managed to say after a moment. “It's just that, um. It felt so- It was just. Wow.”

Celestia grinned. She never got tired of getting that reaction. One of the perks of being a literal divinity was the ability to make mere mortals weak at the knees just by kissing them. “Tell you what, since you're clearly not going to be able to deal with fucking me while standing, we're going to try something else.”

“I apologize, your Ma-”

“Shhhh,” Celestia said, gently placing a finger on Goldie's lips. “Like I said, you talk too much.” Slowly, she leaned back and rose to her full twelve feet, and turned to walk back to the middle of the gym. After a nervous moment, Goldie obediently followed.

“Now, since standing up is out of the question, we're going to have to find an alternate solution to the height difference. Luckily, you're hardly the shortest pony I've been with in my lifetime.” Celestia lowered herself to her knees again, and then from there lower, until she was lying on her back. At first Goldie didn't quite process what the Princess wanted of her. The much larger mare smiled knowingly, and gently patted her soft belly, just below her fat tits.

“Oh! Yes, of course, your Majesty.” Goldie hurried over awkwardly, her amber member swaying heavily as she moved, straddling the Princess's soft belly before very gently kneeling down.

“No need to be so careful, dear! I've got plenty of padding, so it'd take much more than you're capable of to make me uncomfortable.” Celestia's motherly smile widened into an eager grin. “Now, it's time to begin things in earnest. Don't just sit there, fuck my tits!”

Goldie didn't need any more prompting. She reached down and grabbed her fat cock with both hands, carefully steadying it and pointing it at Celestia's undercleavage. She couldn't help but be nervous, at least a little, but something about the Princess's presence calmed her down. Carefully, probably a little bit too carefully, she moved forward and placed her meat in between the Royal Udders. God, they were fucking massive. Quite literally the biggest tits Goldie had ever seen in her life, possibly the biggest tits in fucking history. It would, she thought, almost be a shame if Celestia followed through with her plan to lose weight – likely the first thing to go would be these veritable mountains of flesh. Their weight caused them to sag ever so slightly to either side of her torso. But that minor concession to gravity only made them hotter, because it was clear that they were real. And they were perfect, one hundred percent fucking natural tit.

Whatever train of thought Goldie had was quickly washed away as, licking her lips eagerly, Celestia placed her hands on either side of her mountainous mammaries and fucking squeezed.

“Gnhaaaaannnnggg~” Goldie moaned as she found herself enveloped in breastflesh. It was completely unlike anything she'd experienced before in her life. She'd had titfucks before, yes. But no mare had been well endowed enough to even come close to completely enveloping her cock. Celestia did so with fucking ease. The passage formed was as tight as any pussy Goldie'd fucked before, but softer, warm, and bone dry except for a slight hint of sweat and Goldie's own precum as she slowly began to thrust. She placed a hand on either tit, squeezing firmly to steady herself as she began to fuck in earnest.

The pressure drew forth a moan from the Princess. There was not even a hint of restraint – the air rumbled from the sheer power of an Alicorn giving into raw lust. “Fuuuuuuck, that's a good start. Now pick up the pace. Come on, I'm not made of fucking glass, I'm a goddess, now fuck me harder!” Celestia writhed beneath Goldie. “Harder!!!” she shouted.

Goldie obeyed instinctively. The last remaining hints of nervousness, of hesitation, were completely shattered in that instant, replaced with a raw animal desire. With no more fanfare, she dove in. She grabbed the Princess's fat teats like they were handles, pulling and pushing them roughly as she fucked. Hips thrust back and forth, back and forth, faster and faster, more forcefully with every plunge. “Fuuuuuuuuucuuuummmmmmmmminggggg!” she practically roared as finally her cock penetrated deeply enough to pop out on the other side in time with her male orgasm. Her member unleashed a thick gout of seed directly into Celestia's waiting mouth, then another. She managed five shots in all, fairly copious, and the Princess dutifully swallowed every drop. As she collapsed backwards and rolled onto the soft matted floor, she looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of Celestia, already pulling herself upright, swallowing, before licking her lips.

“Delicious~”

“Holy shit. That was... That was... I don't know what that was.”

“That, Goldie, was foreplay.” Celestia reached down and down and down, holding a hand out for the much smaller mare. “Don't just lie there! Why, we haven't even started on the threesome yet!”

Goldie stared up blankly. “Um, forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, your Majesty, but... I don't think I've ever came as hard in my entire life as I did just now. I don't know if I'll be ready for another round at all for the rest of today, let alone right now.”

Luna scoffed. Goldie wasn't entirely sure when she'd arrived – spent as she may have been, her mind was still enveloped in a thick haze of lust. “Seriously? A refractory period? HA!” Her voice boomed, reverberating through the gym and through Goldie's body like a force of nature as Princess Luna slipped into the Royal Canterlot Voice. “We thought you were supposed to be an Elite soldier! One of Sister's personal guard! Why, back in OUR day, a soldier lacking the stamina to go at LEAST three hours without stopping would barely make it into the military, much less the Royal Guard!”

“Now, now, Lulu,” Celestia chastised gently. “Times have changed. Equestria is a much more conservative place than it was a thousand years ago.”

“Feh,” Luna scoffed again, though at least she had dropped the Royal Canterlot Voice.

“Don't worry, just because she's lacking in sexual stamina doesn't mean she lacks stamina where it counts. All it means is that in situations where sexual stamina is called for, she just needs a little helping hand. Which hole would you prefer, Goldie? Mouth or pussy?”

“But-”

“Oh, no anal please. I've never been a very big fan, much more Luna's thing. If you ask nicely she'll let you have a try once we're done here. But for now, the question is; mouth or pussy?”

“Uh, p-pussy, I guess,” Goldie managed to say after a moment. She'd already sort of gotten a sample of Celestia's mouth, so she was curious about the other end. “But I-”

“Oh, don't worry about that, dear.” Once again, an eager grin spread across Celestia's face. “You see, we're not just the goddesses of the sun and moon. Luna is also the goddess of dreams and of the harvest. As for myself, in addition to the sun, I am also the goddess of spring...”

Celestia's horn was suddenly wreathed in a radiant golden aura, and Goldie felt a heat blossoming in her loins.

“And fertility.”

Goldie opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a low, wet gurgle. Her whole body ached with unfathomable need. Like the flip of a switch, she went from being completely spent to feeling just as ready to go as she had immediately after the kiss. More ready. Like she hadn't so much as touched her cock in days, weeks, months, years. Maybe even longer than that. Slowly, fighting against the suddenly unbearable need to fuck, she pushed herself up to her feet and looked down.

Her cock wasn't just fully erect. It was growing. Slowly, maybe an inch with every twitch of blood rushing to her lower body, but undeniably. “Wh-”

“I'm a big girl, Goldie,” Celestia stated matter-of-factly as she turned and got onto her hands and knees with Luna eagerly positioned in front. “Two and a half feet is respectable for a pony of your size, but you're going to need something with a bit more oomph if you want me to even feel yooomph~”

“You talk too much,” Luna grunted as, without any ceremony, she shoved all four and a half feet of her big fat cock down her sister's tight throat, all the way to the hilt in one go. She grabbed Celestia by the ears and held herself there for the moment. “Mmm, take your time growin', kiddo. I'm just gonna enjoy this.”

Luna didn't need to tell her twice. Goldie's cock was already three feet long, and frankly she couldn't wait until whatever Celestia had done was finished. Her balls, also noticeably bigger, let out a loud grumbling sound as they filled with seed – until now Goldie hadn't know that testicles could make noise. She took a quivering step forward, and then another, slowly making her way to Celestia's raised ass. Her tail had eagerly lifted itself up and out of the way, revealing her hungry cunt, glistening with need.

Goldie grabbed each of Celestia's asscheeks and dug her fingers in deeply. Oh, she needed this. She needed this badly. She pushed her growing cock against the Princess's entrance – were she still her original size, it would have been fucking cavernous. As it was she still managed to easily slip her way into the eager hole with a low grunt.

“There we go.” Luna's voice was ragged and eager. “I believe we have had enough foreplay at this point. On the count of three?” Goldie nodded dimly. Her eyes had glazed over slightly, her tongue lolling slightly out of her mouth. “Very good. One, two-”

Even as Luna counted, she slowly pulled out and out and out, with Goldie following not far behind – somewhere in the back of her mind, the part of her that was still coherent was mildly impressed by how much longer it took for her to pull out than it had to slip in.

“Annnnnd three!”

At the time, the titfuck had felt rough and wild and animalistic, but the way Goldie completely let go made it look like it had barely been sex at all. Her hips moved like a motherfucking jackhammer, fading into a vague blur as wet sounds echoed throughout the gym. Luna was hardly a slouch herself, more than a match in terms of intensity. Goldie had no idea how it was Celestia had room for both of the gigantic cocks that were double-stuffing her, and frankly couldn't give less of a fuck. Magic, she assumed. She had other priorities – most pressingly, the building pressure at the base of her spine, intensified by the sensation of her bowling ball sized testicles smacking against Celestia's big, fat thighs. Her release was approaching like a freight train. She tried her best to hold back, really she did, but there was only so much she could do. As the rhythm of her fucking became irregular, jerky and lurching, she took solace in the fact that Celestia's magic would almost certainly allow her to keep right on going until everypony present was thoroughly satisfied.

“Mnn, hey sis, I think you forgot somethin',” Luna grunted in between her own slowly faltering rhythm. Goldie had no idea how she managed to speak as coherently as she was. “Burnin' calories is all well 'n good, but if you really want a proper workout, build some muscle and get in shape, you're gonna need some nice generous helping's a fuckin' protein~”

Goldie came immediately before Luna. Her cock was like a goddamn firehose, pumping gallon after gallon of seed into Celestia's eager sluthole without end, buried so deep that her whole torso was almost swallowed up by fat ass. Luna, meanwhile, continued thrusting wildly, bent over her sister's body and crying in rapturous ecstasy. Goldie had no direct way of knowing exactly how much Luna was outputting, but she didn't really need to. She could feel it as slowly her body was lifted off the ground, pulled up and up and up as Celestia's tummy swelled from the sheer volume of cum.

It felt like hours before she finally came down. For all she knew it probably had been hours. All she really knew was that the ground was perilously far away all of a sudden, and that she was still rock fucking hard.

“Well!” Luna said, her feet still firmly on the ground. Slowly, with a wet pop sound, her cock slid its way out of Celestia's tight throat. Her rotund body rolled backwards, rocking back and forth slightly. “That was pretty good for round one, I'd say. Let's take three minutes of cooldown, and then we can do some stretches and switch holes.”

It had taken the entirety of the second day of her vacation for Celestia to properly recover from her workout. In the end the workout had lasted for most of the day, leaving her almost completely round. Thankfully, at this point she had mostly recovered her girlish, not spherical figure. And, more importantly, she felt great. Her workout routine, clearly, had been a huge success on that front at least – this was exactly why she'd taken a vacation in the first place. She felt refreshed, more full of life and energy than she had in centuries.

Of course, the real test was yet to come. She felt better, yes. But that was only a fraction of the point of the whole thing.

No ordinary scale would be able to handle even a skinnier, svelte Celestia. Her bathroom scale had been originally constructed to weigh freight trains, and even it sometimes struggled to handle her bulk. Which was the primary reason it had been three centuries since she'd last weighed herself. Celestia gathered her courage. It was time to put those centuries of denial behind her. She was a new mare, and it was time to prove it. She grinned, and stepped onto the scale, eager to see the first results of her new training.

Of course, she wasn't expecting to have gone below eight thousand kilograms. She had almost certainly put on a few hundred pounds in the intervening centuries, and it was only the first day of her new lifestyle of careful caloric intake (she'd only had one carrot cake today so far!) and rigorous exercise. Still, she couldn't help but fantasize about the number that the scale would show her. She stared in eager anticipation as slowly, the readout appeared.

Nine thousand, two hundred and eighty six kilograms.

Celestia took a deep breath. In, and then out, and then in once more.

She took a step off of the scale and, with an idle wave of her hand, a quill and parchment were enveloped in a golden aura of magic. “My dear Twilight Sparkle,” she wrote. “Thank you so much for the book on weight loss techniques. They were a bit unorthodox, but I must admit that I feel full of energy. All of my scepticism is gone – I find myself a believer. There is just one minor issue that the book failed to mention.” She paused, turning her attention to the book in question. She picked it up, idly turning it over in her hands. “Did you know that cum is incredibly fattening?” she finished before hurling the book out of the window with all her might.

“Mother fucker!”