In Which a Perfectly Good Breakfast is Ruined

Scarlet's Notes on Waking Up at Roughly Seven in the Morning After Getting Home at Three:

Oh Dear Princess Celestia, why was I born?

Perique smelled the fire before she saw the smoke.

She threw her sheets from her bed and rolled out. Her years of experience in the Reserve had left her with combat reflexes that, if not field tested, were well honed enough that she was able to shake off the fugue of sleep instantly. Her eyes flickered to the side - Scarlet was missing, she had stayed the night and spent most of it in Perique's embrace. Black smoke billowed from the kitchen, carrying with it a burnt-rubber scent. She burst in, fearing the worst.

Scarlet sat, coughing, in the center of a rising cloud of noxious, black smoke. The source was what had once been a perfectly good cast-iron frying pan filled with what had at one point been eggs and dandelion greens, now congealed into a crunchy black mass.

Perique didn't hesitate. She flung open the window and drove out the smoke with two heavy wingbeats before snatching the pan from the open flame on her stovetop. She sighed as she surveyed the damage: One pan, now covered in unspeakable residue. The smell of burnt eggs permeating every inch of her kitchen. Two eggs and the dandelion greens she'd been saving for sandwiches, quite gone..

She sighed. "Little one..."

Scarlet blinked back tears. "...I....I...." she muttered, seeming to shrink down into herself.

"Did you try to make me breakfast in bed?"

Scarlet looked up. "...uh-huh."

"Thank you, little one." Perique leaned in and kissed Scarlet just below her jawline, eliciting a sudden squeak of embarrassment. "Now clean up this pan while I fix us something else. You may wait in the bedroom until it is done."

Scarlet nodded, ashamed, and skulked away to find the steel wool.

Perique smiled and began to hum as she opened her icebox, hunting for something special she had picked up in Canterlot's market street the day before. Scarlet was a walking disaster, unable to touch a kitchen. That she'd attempted to make breakfast, despite knowing this of herself, signified only the health of this relationship.

Scarlet sighed, pulling the covers of Perique's featherbed over herself. She was dumb. Dumb and stupid and probably worthless. What kind of girl dragged her marefriend across the country to the capital city to have conversations with a stranger because she had to know who committed one particular crime? She wasn't even being paid to solve this, there were professionals dealing with the problem, she was just—

Her wave of self-pity was suddenly eclipsed by the smell of garlic, parsley, and an acrid seafood tang wafting from the kitchen. Perique returned behind it, bearing two dishes. Scarlet couldn't help herself—she threw the blanket off and began openly salivating.

Each bowl was piled high with some kind of culinary alchemy Scarlet could not name, and did not care to. It was a mixture of some kind of corn-colored porridge that had been topped with delicious, savory-looking chopped scallions, dotted with herbs and fragrant spices, and finished with small, pink, perfect shrimp. It was all she could do to keep from snatching a bowl from Perique's hooves, and the moment hers was handed over she dug in with gusto, not even bothering to wait for a spoon.

The porridge was thick and textured, and filled with sharp, acid bites. The shrimp had been pan-cooked and liberally splashed with lemon juice, and the bright acidity nearly brought her to tears with its perfection. She looked up from her meal and summed up her gratitude and wonder in a single question. "What...?"

"Shrimp and grits. I have been meaning to try it out for some time, but getting shrimp in Ponyville has been a challenge." Perique sighed as she began to eat her own bowl in a more civilized manner, with a large wooden spoon.

The two sighed as they finished. Scarlet ran her tongue along her upper row of teeth. "That's... the third time I've eaten fish with you, I think?"

"They are shellfish, little one. But technically, yes."

"They're delicious. Ponies have no idea what they're missing." Scarlet smacked her lips, trying to savor what little aftertaste was left.

Thwump, Thwump.

Scarlet frowned. "Now?"

"I'll get it, little one. It's probably Ditzy with a late mail delivery." Perique exited the bedroom, setting her bowl on her nightstand. Scarlet eyed the half-full bowl with envy before peeling herself out of bed and following. Flattered as Perique might be by Scarlet's love of her cooking, she imagined devouring her marefriend's breakfast might strain that flattery. Besides, she was curious.

The unicorn mare who stood framed by Perique's cottage door stood about a head higher than Perique, and made Scarlet feel delightfully small. Her white coat was well groomed, and her pink mane had been cut back into a military bob. Even without the bright golden necklace bearing the insignia of the Torch Legion, Scarlet wouldn't have taken long to guess.

"Praiseworthy?" Perique asked, looking the Legion mare over. "What brings you here?"

"You know each other?" Scarlet asked, fidgeting in place and avoiding Praiseworthy's eyes. Eyes were tricky at the best of times, and Praiseworthy had a practiced, confident stare that pierced right through your thoughts and broke them apart.

"Perique and I are both in the Reserve, officially. I've assisted in training exercises with her." Without waiting for an invitation, Praiseworthy strode past Perique and into the cottage. "You must be Scarlet Letter?"

Scarlet flinched back, backing towards the bedroom. "Um, yes?"

"It's come to the attention of the Torch Legion you're investigating the incident regarding Floral Fragrance, and you have already had a conversation with High Tide. Is this correct?"

Scarlet nodded. "Yes, but—"

"Please look at me when I'm talking."

Scarlet lifted her eyes slowly, trying not to show how much she wanted to bury herself in the ground. With effort, she met Praiseworthy's stare and only shuddered a little. "Yes, I did."

"Praiseworthy, please. Scarlet had my blessing and assistance, and—" Perique began.

"Don't worry, neither of you are in trouble," Praiseworthy interrupted. Scarlet didn't relax. She had pronounced "neither of you are in trouble" the same way some ponies might pronounce "I hate you", or "ugh, disgusting." "However, on behalf of the Torch Legion I came to remind you that what you're doing is completely unnecessary. We've already identified a suspect and will have our case against them complete by the end of the week."

Scarlet couldn't help herself. "So you do suspect High Tide, then?"

Praiseworthy snorted. "Perique, she's your pet, yes?"

Perique nodded. "Aye."

"Gag her more often. She should learn the value of keeping silent." Praiseworthy whirled on her hooves and marched out of the cottage.

Scarlet felt the floor move from underneath her as her vision began to cloud.

Perique sighed as she closed the door behind the receding mare. "I'm truly sorry for that, little one. Praiseworthy Virtue means well, but—" she turned to face her sub and gasped. "Scarlet? Are you—?"

Scarlet had slumped to the ground and tears were streaming down her face. She barely acknowledged Perique as the batpony bodily scooped her up and assisted her back into the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

"Feeling better, little one?"

"Uh-huh." Scarlet continued to sniffle as she stared into the cup of tea Perique had poured for her, and took a sip. "It's just... never mind, I, it's stupid, I'm stupid. We should probably just stop. We'll get in trouble, and—"

"Little one, last night you were charging off as if you already knew who the culprit was. This morning you tried to cook for me, which I know means you were in a very good mood, because when you are in a foul mood you can't bring yourself to crawl out of bed." Scarlet flinched. "You may know something of ponies and mysteries, but I know you."

Scarlet nodded and sipped her tea again.

Perique waited for an answer that never came. "...What's bothering you, little one? Out with it." She snuggled close to Scarlet's side, enveloping the smaller mare in her wings.

Scarlet hiccuped as she swallowed yet more tea. "It's... it's that she's right, okay? She's right. I'm—I shouldn't be doing this. It was dumb to do this and I could've gotten you and me hurt."

"Scarlet—"

"Lemme finish!" Scarlet interrupted. Perique fell silent as she continued. "Look yesterday I went to see Floral, and Nurse Redheart found me there. And... and I think I screwed up, okay? I screwed up. I lied, and Floral nearly freaked out, and yesterday all we did was make High Tide more pissed off and nearly give Grant a heart attack."

"We're investigating a crime," Perique reminded her, "not trying to be amateur den mothers."

"That's not the point though! The point is the Legion is out there, and they're doing this because it's their job, and I'm—I—I just, I did this because I was bored, okay?" Scarlet shut her eyes and screamed. "I was bored! I was bored and I wanted—I just, I thought this was going to be an interesting case, so I decided to get involved, and now I can't even tell if I'm upset because I'm doing something wrong or because I got caught!"

Perique ran her hoof across Scarlet's forehead. "Shhhh..."

Scarlet began sobbing again, pressing herself to Perique's side. "I—look, I don't know—don't know why you, you put up with me," she blubbered. "I'm ju, just, just selfish and weird, and I fucked up breakfast and did stupid stuff and we could've gotten hurt so many ways yesterday and I wasn't even thinking and I'm stupid and—"

"Little one. Calm thyself."

Scarlet felt the sadness bubbling in her receding as Perique pressed down, pushing her against the bed. "Wh—"

"Ssshh. Calm." Perique's voice had grown lower, dusky, more musical. Images from tales of the Old Colony invaded Scarlet's mind. "Thou'rt lying, to me and to thyself, little one."

"M'not," Scarlet managed. She sounded sullen even to herself, like a child arguing about being sent to bed early.

"Of this I have no doubt," Perique continued, her voice still layered, deliberately milking the Old Colony speech for all it was worth. "Thou hast indeed made selfish decisions. Thou hast told the truth about failing to have concern for others, and of thine own boredom, and this case as a source of pleasure for thee."

Scarlet flinched back, stricken. "Then—"

"I was not finished yet, little one." Perique darted in, biting Scarlet just above her shoulder. Her fangs were small - so small - but so sharp. Scarlet writhed, feeling a mixture of burning pain and a slow build of desire. "Yes, thy desires are in part selfish. But I know thee better than that. And Praiseworthy is in the right in one regard, little one."

Scarlet gulped. "W-what's that?"

Perique pushed her down, down into the surface of the bed. "Thy unruly mouth is in need of discipline."

Scarlet felt her vision cloud over as she surrendered.

"Comfortable, little one?" Perique asked.

Scarlet whined. She was knelt on Perique's floor, all four of her legs beneath her. Perique had drawn a black collar tight around her neck, and each time Scarlet breathed in just a bit too much she swore it was pinching her just a bit, just uncomfortable enough to remind her of her place. A long, velvet-black leash ran from the collar's padlock to one of Perique's hooves.

Perique gave the leash a small jerk, and Scarlet yipped as she was pulled forward. She hadn't realized ponies could yip before Perique.

"We are going to train thee, my pet," Perique breathed into Scarlet's ear. "Train thee to be more honest. With thyself, and with me." Scarlet whimpered as Perique began to circle her, breathing, teasing, but not yet touching. "Understand?"

Scarlet tried to speak, but her voice stifled itself, her 'yes' turning into a whimper.

"Poor little one. So needy." Perique chuckled as she crossed back into Scarlet's field of vision, holding up a line of black cloth. "Canst thou tell me what this is?"

Scarlet shook her head, staring at it numbly.

"What a pity. For all thy deductive powers, thou seemest content to be ignorant here." Perique reached forward, and Scarlet gasped as the cloth was tied around her eyes, cutting off her vision entirely. "This is a blindfold, little one. It will teach thee trust, and discipline."

"Y-yesss..." Scarlet managed, trying desperately to hold still.

"Don't move." Scarlet felt a slight tug on her leash as Perique secured it to the bedpost. She heard Perique's hoofsteps recede down the hallway and shivered.

Not moving was the first thing Perique had trained her to do - to sit still and wait. It was also the hardest. Waiting required patience and self-control, the things she lacked most. It required discipline. Worshiping Perique's hooves or servicing her only needed affection and enthusiasm. Waiting, helpless, with no knowledge of when Perique would return or what would happen-

Scarlet moaned as she resisted the urge to roll over and reach down. It would be so easy - if Perique was in the next room getting more toys, she might not even notice. So easy -

She stiffened. Perique's hoofsteps sounded, quite close by. She'd better not. Mama would be so cross if - no, now they were receding back down the hall. Scarlet strained, but couldn't pick out any further sounds.

It would be so easy.

She squirmed, trying in vain to find any way to surreptitiously grind against something. She could get away with hiding that, but if she rolled over to touch herself and Perique saw - she shuddered. Surely even if she got caught, her punishment wouldn't be that bad? And she could hear Perique coming so easily, too!

She couldn't resist. Just a little touch couldn't hurt. She rolled over, her forehoof straying to her nethers. Just a touch, a little touch, to deal with the itch she felt all through her body. Surely that was alright. She hesitated, waiting for more hoofsteps, and then leaned down to indulge-

"Naughty filly. So close to doing what was told!"

Scarlet felt her stomach freeze and drop out. Perique was in the room. Perique was right beside her.

"Wondering why thine ears failed to detect me, little one?" Perique murmured, her breath tickling Scarlet's left ear. "Then thou must deduce it for me once thou hast enjoyed a well-deserved punishment."

Scarlet whimpered as she was roughly seized and her forehooves wrenched behind her, cinched together and bound with expert skill. The bindings were soft but resisted any effort she made to wriggle free. Perique's hoof slipped beneath her chin, lifting her up to what she assumed was eye level. "Little one, I know thy tolerance for pain is quite... limited. So we shall restrain ourselves," Perique murmured. "But know this: one lost count and I shall begin thy punishment anew."

Scarlet nodded, gulping.

Perique lowered her to the ground once again, taking care to prop up her hindquarters. The moment she felt them being raised, Scarlet knew what punishment Perique had chosen for her, even before she heard the tell-tale swish of a crop moving through the air. "Mama, please-" she began to plead.

Swish-thwack!

The crop lanced along Scarlet's upper flank, carving a white-hot line of pain that left her whimpering. "Little one, thou hast already earned one punishment. Do not try for two."

Scarlet tried to shrink away. It was then that the deviousness of this situation dawned on her. Perique could move silently, without her knowledge. Her eyesight was gone. Her hooves were restricted. If she was bound like there, there was no way to anticipate which direction the strike would come from - or when.

"Count for me, pet," Perique commanded. "Five strokes."

Swish-thwack!

This time the crop cut just under Scarlet's tail, almost too close to her dock. She screamed out in pain.

"Mm... that sound is exquisite, little one, but thy orders were to count for me. We shall have to begin again."

Scarlet whimpered and waited. She gathered herself, waiting for the next blow, trying to predict it. If she failed this time, she didn't think she would be able to take another. In the back of her mind she remembered that she could scream her safeword or simply tap out, but-

-but she needed this, didn't she? She'd been naughty, so naughty. This was mama's way of punishing her for being such a naughty filly. If she did very well, mama might even reward her once it was all do-

Swish-thwack!

"One!" Scarlet screamed, a line of pain tracing itself down the inside of her right flank.

Perique chuckled. "Good girl. Four more."

Swish-thwack!

"T-two!" This time Scarlet felt the lash along her forehooves. Perique was marking her, carving evidence of her disobedience anywhere. She felt hot tears soaking her blindfold.

"That's right, little one," Perique cooed. "Three more for thee, and we may begin thy training in earnest." Scarlet felt Perique's hoof begin to stroke her mane. "I'll give thee a choice, little one - not that thy behavior has earned it. Wouldst thou like the rest of thy punishment slow, or all at once?"

Scarlet gulped.

"If I do not hear thy choice in fifteen seconds, little one, we will have to start over again."

No time. Scarlet struggled fruitlessly against the ropes holding her in place. If she chose to take things slowly, Perique would draw it out, and make her wait for her punishment, force her to savor every mark. If she asked for it all at once - even one hit was agonizing. Would she be able to count if she spoke too fast?

"Five seconds, little one."

"-nce," Scarlet managed.

"Speak up, little one."

"A-allatoncemama," Scarlet managed, choking back a sob.

"My, how brave. Very well then, my cute little minx," Perique growled, her breath hot against Scarlet's ear. "Prepare thyself."

Before Scarlet could obey the command, she felt it.

Swish-thwack! Thwack! Swish-thwack!

The crop carved its mark just below her dock and into each cutie mark. Scarlet screamed in pain, her body shuddering. It was too much - too much - she couldn't. She just couldn't take another. She tried to raise her voice to call for a pause, but it failed, turning into a breathless squeak. She had failed-

Perique's hoof ran through her mane. "There, there, little one. I did not expect thee to succeed," the batpony murmured, hugging Scarlet close against her.

Scarlet snuggled forward. With her sight denied, she felt herself focus on little things - the smell of cherry tobacco on Perique's breath. The warmth of her embrace. The sting of each cut. She began to sob. She couldn't help it.

"There, there, little one," Perique cooed. "Let it out."

"T-three... f-four...fiiiveee..." Scarlet managed, as her words returned to her, tears rolling openly down her cheeks.

"That's right, little one. Tell me, why did you deserve those five strokes?" Perique asked.

Scarlet felt the softness of the bed beneath her as Perique scooped her up and settled her on it. "C-'cuz Mama told me, said I should wait for her, a-and I didn't," she managed.

"True, that is part of it. But there is another reason, little one." Perique's wings were now wrapped around her. "Canst thou think of what it might be?"

Scarlet shook her head slowly. "No, Mama...."

She felt herself being rolled over. Perique was pressing her down into the bed, leaning in to nibble at her throat. "Because, little one, thou hast lied. In word, in deed, and by omission."

Scarlet whimpered. "I-I didn't lie, mama! I didn't, I didn't!"

"Hush."

Scarlet fell silent.

She felt Perique's lips press against hers, and did her best to return the kiss before whining as the batpony withdrew just a bit too soon. Then she felt a bite, just at the tip of her ear- yet another mark. She squirmed, but Perique's weight had her firmly pinned in place. Tied, helpless - just a toy, a pet, a naughty filly who needed instruction.

"Little one, I heard thee not an hour ago insult thyself, to my face. You are my precious little one," Perique growled into Scarlet's right ear, before changing positions and biting her left. "My pet, my little minx. It is not up to thee to punish thyself. That is why I am here."

Scarlet hiccuped through her sobs as Perique's words washed over her, filling her with relief. "Mama..."

"Silence, pet," Perique chuckled. "Thy duties are not yet complete."

Scarlet felt her blindfold being loosened, then removed. She blinked away the haze of tears and saw Perique still firmly gripping the crop that had been used for her punishment. She flinched away. "I-i..."

"Hush now, pet. I know thy limits quite well," Perique soothed before pressing the crop against Scarlet's body, and slowly dragging it down, until it hovered just over her nethers. "Now, little one, I ask thee... what wouldst thou have me do to you, hmm?"

Scarlet felt her mind run blank. The pressure of the crop was light, and Perique was drawing lazy circles with it along her vulnerable belly. Each time it seemed as if it might move lower, it was jerked away. She squirmed, longing to reach out for it with her bound hooves and pull it closer. It wasn't fair! She knew from experience that being pleasured with something like the crop was sometimes painful, obtrusive even, but her entire body was trembling and she just wanted something-

"Oh?" Perique continued teasing her. "Speak up, little one.I cannot quite hear thee..."

"M-mama," Scarlet choked.

"Mmm?"

"L-lowerplease," Scarlet squeaked.

"Oh? Wouldst thou enjoy being pleasured? Down here, little one?" Perique dropped the crop and began drawing lazy circles just above Scarlet's marehood.

Scarlet nodded, too strained for any further answer.

Perique smirked, and pulled her hoof away. "...Denied."

Scarlet looked up, horror washing over her. "No..."

"I am afraid so, little one. Thy punishment for dishonesty is to spend the rest of the day... wanting."

Scarlet howled in frustration as Perique continued to tease her.

She felt better.

Scarlet felt better, for the first time that morning since Praiseworthy's visit. She'd left herself behind and come back. Everything was still a mess but that was alright.

She'd only been teased for half an hour or so before Perique had mercy and let her go. She'd fixed her tea, and wrapped her in blankets, and now they were snuggled together on a big, comfy chair in the living room. Her mind had begun to lose the fuzz around the edges she'd felt since Praiseworthy, and that fuzz dissolved a little more each time Perique nuzzled her or tousled her mane. Dimly she still felt an aching, tingling want, but it wasn't important just now.

What was important was this moment where everything was okay. If everything was okay, she could actually start to think. No unicorns, no self-doubt, no worries about what the case meant to other ponies. Just her, and the facts, and a comfy chair with a willing listener.

She giggled in surprise as Perique pulled her close, snuggling against her as they reclined in a deliciously plush armchair, Scarlet nestled in Perique's embrace. "You have something on your mind?" Perique probed, using a hoof to adjust wayward strands of Scarlet's mane.

Scarlet didn't answer right away, instead enjoying the grooming. Once Perique had finished adjusting things, she nodded. "I think I've figured some things out, yeah."

"Figured things out?" A smile played around Perique's lips. "Do I sense a parlor scene coming on?"

Scarlet felt a warm bubble burst in her mind. "How in Equestria did I ever get so lucky as to have a marefriend who knows detective fiction parlance?"

"The same time I was lucky enough to meet a sweet girl like you, little one." Perique nuzzled her and Scarlet giggled, the warm feeling spreading through her body and down to her hooves.

"It's not really a parlor scene yet, though. I haven't quite figured everything out. It's more... like, the midquel. Did you ever read that book I told you about, The Zodiac Murders of Sunrise City?"

Perique coughed slightly. "...I might have delayed on that one."

"No way!" Scarlet's face contorted into a frown. "Then - argh, this would be so much easier if you had. Anything by Elegant Scene, then? The Zodiac Murders was just re-appropriating his techniques anyway."

"Little one, I prefer my mysteries to border on ones of a capital-M variety. You know this," Perique chided, returning to rubbing Scarlet's mane.

"Okay if I can solve this the first thing we are doing is sitting down with a copy of like, at least one of those books," Scarlet sighed. "You are my marefriend and my official co-detective, you need a proper education."

"Perhaps you could explain your point faster, then?" Perique stuck her tongue out.

Scarlet sighed. Perique was teasing, but with anypony else - how often had she explained that you couldn't just get to the point when the point was a distant station and your mind a train? You couldn't just go there, you had to stop and connect and do - do train things, damn it! It all made sense once it was laid out, even if most ponies had no patience for it. It really hurt that they had no-

She took a deep breath. No. Absolutely no pity parties during snuggle time. That was a rule.

"So..." she groped for a starting place. "So Elegant Scene, he was a bit of an egotist, right? He named his detective after his own pen name, just to mess with readers. And at the end of every book, before the last chapter, he'd deliver - he called it the Challenge to the Reader. He'd tell them they had everything they need to solve the case, and challenge them to guess whodunnit before turning the very next page."

Perique made a noise that Scarlet generously interpreted as interest.

She continued, a little steadier now. "Anyway what he'd do is he'd always put that challenge right before the parlor scene, where the detective walks through and identifies the criminal and explains how he knew. It was a little much, and it interrupted the book but I always thought it was fun - especially when I figured out how to spot his culprits. He had patterns."

"Mhm?"

"Yeah! Like... like-" Scarlet felt her train of thought rearrange itself and crash. "I was - I was getting to something, right?"

"You were. Take your time, though." Perique smiled, full of indulgence.

Scarlet snuggled back against her. Her point was still there, it was just a matter of finding the right point on the track to hit the switch, move her closer to the destination. "Right! Well, anyway, what we're doing right now - like, the kind of, the point we're at - if this were a novel, it'd be a challenge to the reader. We're at that point, kinda - interviewed the suspects, the major players, the police have told us to knock it off - that kinda point. That's how it feels."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What's the challenge to the reader, then?"

Scarlet's face fell. "...To figure it out because I have no clue still."

Perique blinked. "What? Then why did you-"

"Because... because in a book that's what this would be, and, and I solve cases- like -" Scarlet struggled, finding words for things that refused to be. "I just, I think of cases, of life, like - like fiction, alright? It's easier that way. Life has no pattern but fiction has narrative. If you look closely, you can build narratives out of life, and discard everything until you find one that makes sense. That's how you solve crimes, right? You make up every story you can out of the facts until you make up the true one."

Perique nodded slowly.

"I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"You're trying, Scarlet. That's the important thing. I'll keep listening, as long as you need."

Scarlet's heart broke into a hundred thousand pieces that quintupled in size and rearranged themselves into a new organ entirely. "I love you."

"As do I."

Back to the train. More stations - no, double back. "I - I started this talking about the Zodiac Murders, right?" Scarlet asked, as much to herself as Perique. "Anyway that book, the author deliberately played with Elegant Scene's idea. He put in two different challenges - one in the same place that Scene always did before you got the reveal of the murderer, and one after that but before the actual parlor scene. The last one, I liked it because it turned the mystery from a whodunnit into - into, like, a whydunnit and howdunnit. And I think that's where I am now."

Perique clapped her hooves together. "Then you do have a parlor scene coming on!"

"A parlor scene without a culprit." And without a guarantee of being right, she didn't say. The problem with learning your trade from fiction was that fiction had a way of keeping to rules that life had no respect for. The Ten Laws of Hard Knocks or the Twenty Rules of Upper Class were well and good until your first case where you realized that it really was the butler.

"Well?"

Scarlet shook her head. "Well... well?"

"Aren't you going to explain your theory?"

Scarlet smiled. "Alright I... it's not good yet, okay? Don't be mad if I'm wrong later."

"Of course not."

She took a breath.

The train started moving.

"I'm going to start with this premise: It's basically impossible right now to determine who attacked Floral Fragrance," she began, deliberately trying to keep herself from speaking too fast. "We have no established motive, no means, and no sense of when they had an opportunity. It is, however, possible to construct a working theory of the kind of pony who committed the crime."

It was gathering steam now. Getting easier. It was all there, she just had to let it connect the way it should.

"Let's begin with the base facts of the case. Floral Fragrance is found in the borderlands. She's gagged with a gag that does not belong to her, but which she has no memory of being fitted with. Her Pipsub has been sabotaged. Her bell has been stuffed with cotton so it will not sound. The culprit's aim is then, apparently, to get her into a situation where she'll be unable to revoke consent." Scarlet felt Perique grow tense against her. "Are you alright?"

"Keep going. I'm fine." Perique's face was impossible to read.

Scarlet pressed onward. "Here's the first point I think we need to understand: All of what I just said is absolute and complete nonsense."

Perique started. "What?"

Scarlet felt the warm bubble burst again. Surprise - genuine, excited surprise. "I mean, think about it like this: The Clocktower Society does not mess around when it comes to consent, right? So every single safeguard we have is redundant to the point of overkill. Pipsubs have mechanisms to overcome magic that can mentally fog the user. Bells have enchantments laid on them so they'll sound whenever the pony they belong to wants them to sound. Stuffing cotton in one shouldn't matter, right?"

"The Pipsub Floral had was broken, though," Perique interjected.

"Exactly - which indicates some kind of mental fogging magic was induced. So at bare minimum, we're dealing with a pony who knows something about magic." Scarlet pursed her lips. "Of course, that doesn't narrow things down very well."

Perique closed her own eyes and nodded. "Between the Storytellers' Guild and some of the ponies with Root access..."

"Let alone the possibility of a changeling culprit," Scarlet added. "Changeling magics would go a long way toward explaining some of the behavior we've witnessed in this case. I could even think of a way for an earth pony or pegasus to pull this off. I've said over and over again that it's way too easy to get your hands on controlled substances in CTS. Starbright makes you a little more sensitive, Stampede makes you horny, but put them together and you don't always get a bad cocktail."

Perique gasped. "Alchemy?"

"Even I can brew a bad fertilizer potion when I'm in the mood, and in Ponyville we're right on the edge of the biggest source of dangerous magical herbs this side of Canterlot. I can't imagine that somepony hasn't at least wondered how easy it would be to put together a philter of mental mastery, or whatever, and slip it into somepony's Creamy Pussy." Scarlet stuck out her tongue. "Honestly, that'd probably improve the flavor."

"So we can guess the culprit used mental magic, but there are too many kinds of mental magic they could have used for us to even identify a species. I thought you said you had an idea of howdunnit, though, little one?"

"Getting there, I promise!" Scarlet felt another warm rush. Parlor scenes, even partial parlor scenes, were the secret desire of every detective. "While I can't tell you the age, gender, or species of the culprit, I can tell you three things about them that are near certainties."

"Oh?"

Scarlet closed her eyes "First: The culprit wanted this crime to be discovered."

"How so?"

"The bell." Scarlet furrowed her brow. "I've been confused about the bell since the start of this case, and after talking with Grant I think it's finally started to make sense to me. The bell was stuffed with cotton wadding, right? But Clocktower bells are enchanted, and none of those enchantments were broken. In theory that bell should have only sounded if Floral wanted it to."

"But you just said Floral was under mental fogging magic."

"Exactly!" Scarlet clapped her hooves together. "The mental fogging magic was what should have silenced the bell, not the cotton! Stuffing the bell accomplishes only one purpose: it creates the idea of an outside culprit!"

"Creates... the idea?"

"Yeah! Like, think about it this way. If you heard a sub wandered into the borderlands gagged and couldn't recall how or why she got there until after, and her Pipsub was broken, what would you assume?"

Perique thought about it for a moment. "...I guess I'd assume that she had simply been overcome by the intensity of play, or been dehydrated or something."

"Yup!" Scarlet wriggled out of Perique's lap and began pacing furiously around the room. "And the broken Pipsub could just be explained by someone getting a bit too rough during play! But if you add in cotton wadding, what does it say? That the sub wasn't just heading out on her own, she was sent there by someone. Therefore, the criminal definitely wanted someone to realize that they exist!"

Perique nodded. Scarlet studied her marefriend's face as she allowed the information to sink in. "Then... why? What purpose would that serve?"

"Misdirection." Scarlet smirked. "Easy misdirection. Since we know the criminal wanted other ponies to recognize that a criminal act had been committed, we can presume they benefit in some way from that recognition. If this were, say, a jewel heist or a series of crimes, I'd assume they were after notoriety - that this was a calling card. Right now, though, my best guess is that they are planning to use the investigation to benefit themselves in some way."

"So..." Perique clapped her own hooves together. "They have someone they want to turn into the culprit?"

"Exactly!" Scarlet pounced forward, kissing Perique on her cheek. "It's exactly that, you got it, yes! They're running a frame job of some kind! They want somepony else to take the blame! And that leads me to a third conclusion. Now, this pony might be like, honestly stupid. But I don't think they're stupid- they were smart enough to get around the Clocktower safeguards, for instance. So if they're not stupid and they're triggering an investigation on purpose..." she trailed off, waiting for Perique.

"They think they're above investigation in some way," Perique finished, a look of moderate awe written on her face.

Scarlet danced a bit in place. "Oh my, yes, you are awesome, I'm in love, yes! And more than that, if they think they're in a place where the investigation can't or won't touch them, that only means a few things: either they're so remotely related to the case that nopony is thinking about them, or they're confident they can control and influence the investigation themselves!"

Perique leaped out of her chair. "...Scarlet, we should go see Nurse Redheart."

Scarlet cheered. "Yes, exactly! Nurse- wait what?"

"I know she and you have had differences, little one," Perique chided, enveloping Scarlet in a comforting wing. "But you are not the only one here capable of deductive analysis. Think about this: we were able to profile our motive thanks to you. But it's the means that will help us determine more specifics about our criminal."

Scarlet let the information flow through her. Her train connected. "A toxicology report?"

"Ponyville General may not have the information now, but they will certainly be better at retrieving it than either of us," Perique confirmed.

Scarlet tackled her to the floor and leaned into the kiss.

Author's Note

Hi kids, I brought you sex!