Equestrian Royal Intelligence

by ThePegasusinBlack

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Drama, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Royal Guard, Adventure, Sex
Length: 4246

First Lieutenant Star Dasher of Equestrian Royal Intelligence has to deal with guns, cannons, tanks, planes, ponies, dragons, zebras, and mares. What could possibly go wrong?

In an alternate universe where weapons, aircraft, vehicles, and computers have been invented from before time of the Mane 6, the Royal Guard is the premier military force in Equestria. From the Equestrian Royal Navy to the Equestrian Royal Air Force, the Royal Guards are the defenders of Equestria. The only thing missing was an intelligence unit. But after 5 years with Luna back from the moon, Celestia forms the EQR (Equestrian Royal Intelligence).

The Secret Service of Equestria, these special ponies within the Royal Guard report directly to Celestia to gather intelligence on everything happening in the world. From undercover missions in the heart of the Dragon Homeland to defending the the princesses from danger inside of Canterlot, the Equestrian Royal Intelligence is Equestria's premier military unit. From the point of First Lieutenant Star Dasher, this is the story of the Equestrian Royal Intelligence.
Note: This story has no definite ending as of yet.

WARNING: Blood, gore, and many sexual references throughout for emphasis on situations.

Published 2017-09-04 04:50:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-04 02:14:05 UTC

Chapter 1: For the Defense of Equestria

Author's Note

This my first story on Fimfiction! Yay! So, I hope to upload a chapter a week. That is only if I have time in my schedule. I have school, so, yeah. This story doesn't have a set ending yet, so it may have many chapters, just like Fallout: Equestria - Project Horizons. I haven't finished reading that yet... I probably won't have chapters longer than, let's say, 2,000 words, because then procrastination, schoolwork, laziness, and videogames would make chapters come out over 2 months apart. This story will have blood and gore and mild sexual references, this chapter is just the build-up to explain the things happening after this. But anyway, here is Chapter 1 of Equestrian Royal Intelligence. Everypony, enjoy! :pinkiehappy:

Chapter 1: For the Defense of Equestria

"Corporal Star Dasher, will you defend the princesses until the very end?"

"I will."

"Will you defend our homeland, our great country, Equestria?"

"I will."

"Will you perform your duties to your best abilities, and fight to defend the greater good?"

"I will."

"Then I pronounce you the commanding officer of the Equestrian Royal Intelligence, or ERI for short. Please rise First Lieutenant Star Dasher," Princess Celestia said, her voice unwavering. I stood up from kneeling to attention, but relaxed my body as Princess Luna motioned for me to rest.

"You are no regular Guard now, Dasher," Princess Celestia said. "As you know, your job is to report any new developments happening in Equestria directly to us. Your job is highly secretive, as only the Princesses, Shining Armor, and the Elements of Harmony know what you do."

"I am the right pony for the job," I replied, my spirits high.

"I hope so," the Princess replied. Her horn lit up with a magical glow as she took out a file- No, wait, make that my file. She opened the file, and said, "Your record is outstanding, Lieutenant. Passed flight school with flying colors... Top of your class at the Royal Officer's Academy... Won the sharpshooter contest 3 times... Huh." Celestia flipped through the file again, obviously looking for something. "Something seems to be missing from your file, Lieutenant." Oh, goddesses. Please no.

"You can just call me Dasher," I replied. Please don't talk about this, please...

"Do you have any family, Dasher?" Celestia asked, looking up from the file. Fuck.

"Dasher?" Luna asked. "Are you alright?" I slowly fade away from reality...

<)-----------------------------------------------------------(>

Fire all around me. I can't move. I can't see. Ponies are yelling all around. A mare gallops through the smoke and flames. She picks me up with her magic as burning pieces of rubble fall from the ceiling. I get thrown into the street... I see the house explode into hundreds of pieces. The world goes black as my head hits the pavement.

<)-----------------------------------------------------------(>

"Dasher!" I snap back to reality and open my eyes. Why is the world tilted- oh. This is not good.

"U- Yes! Yes! Yes! I am here! Reporting for du-" I quickly scramble to my hooves, folding my wings and picking up my helmet.

"Are you ok?" Celestia questioned. "Your eyes glazed over and you just fell."

"I'm fine," I replied pitifully, dusting my coat off.

"Ok, well, please answer the question. Do you have any family?" Celestia asked again.

"No. I do not."

"Any relationships?"

"No."

"Do you have anypony we can contact if you go missing?"

"No," I responded. "My parents died in a fire when I was just a young colt."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Celestia closed the file, and put it down gently on the table. She looked up at me. "That armor isn't fitting of you anymore, Lieutenant. You deserve something a little more, well, special." She slid a folded up article of clothing down the table towards me. It was an grey overcoat, a little darker than my coat, with blue striping down the sleeves and color in the color of the star on my breast-plate... Make that my former breast-plate. On the left sleeve was Equestria's flag, and on the right, the stripes announcing my rank. Underneath was a white dress shirt with a blue tie.

"You, and hopefully, within a year or two, others, will wear this special uniform," Princess Luna said, motioning with her hoof. "It is better suited than the regular armor, if we can call it that. It doesn't protect you from much more than... Well, it is almost purely ceremonial. This will be far better. It is lighter, and ponies are less likely to notice you walking down the street wearing this."

"There is also this." Celestia placed a box on the table in front of me. It was an interesting box, with a star shaped button on the front. "Go on, open it." I reached out with my hoof and pressed the button on the front. The cover opened, revealing a peculiar metal band, shaped to fit on a pony's foreleg.

"What is this?" I asked.

"That is an advanced piece of arcane technology," Luna explained. "It is called the Arcane Reconnaissance Controller, or ARC, for short. You can get into any building, access anypony's file, and open any lock. But that is not all. No, thanks to arcane sciences, you can use spells!"

"W-what?" This can't be true. Nopony except unicorns are able to use magic!

"Well, kind of. So far, levitation is the only spell we can get to work... But think of the possibilities! No longer do you need to load weapons with your mouth!" Boy, is Princess Luna excited about this. She is literally jumping up and down with excitement in her chair. "You can fire a weapon with it, you can pick things up... And I invented it!"

"Y-you?" Fuck... I really shouldn't have said anything...

"Of course! Why else would I know so much about it?" That explains that. "I don't just sit around here all day, you know." Luna glared at me. Well, shit. I pissed the Princess of the Night off. Yeah, I should've just kept my mouth shut. Stupid me... To change the subject, I looked down at the device on the table before me.

"So, um, how do I put it on?" I asked. I pushed the ARC around in front of me, examining the glowing ribbon of light wrapped around it. It, like everything else, was also blue.

"Just slide it over your hoof onto your lower foreleg. It will automatically tighten," Luna informed. I picked the ARC with my mouth. I tried to slide my foreleg into it, but ponies aren't really meant to stick their forelegs into their mouths.

"Fo aw shus-" I spit the ARC out of my mouth. It clattered on the table. "So I can just stick my hoof into it?"

"Yep!" Luna smiled. I slid my left hoof into the band, and it automatically slid up my foreleg and tightened. The glowing disappeared and was replaced by a blue transparent magical screen. I turned my foreleg around, admiring what I was wearing.

"Now, please go get changed," Princess Celestia said with a smile, "so I can hand you off to our weapons-pony."
As I walked off I heard Princess Luna yell out after me, "Don't overload the ARC, it has a tendency to explode under circuit overload!" That is reassuring.

"Luna! You forgot to tell him about that!?!?" Celestia's voice was quite shocked. Great, now I'm carrying a magical bomb around on my foreleg.

I walked down the corridor with my new uniform. Guard's heads were turning wherever I went. Most didn't recognize me in this new uniform. I didn't like all this attention being drawn upon me; it was making me nervous. I quickened my pace as more guards turned around the corner in front of me. Just keep walking, Dasher, keep walking...

"Sir, welcome to the armory! Well, I'm pretty sure you know that already..." Before me stood a small brown unicorn; his name, Flashbang, the premier weapons specialist in the Canterlot Royal Castle. His orange and yellow mane was a bit burnt, and his brown coat was covered in ash. It seems Flashbang had been experimenting with explosives lately. I kinda like Flashbang as a friend; he will help in anypony in any way possible, even if his methods are a bit, well, extreme. They usually involve explosions, though. "So, Dasher, what can I do?"

"I was sent here by the princesse-" I tried to explain, but Flashbang cut me short.

"Ah! Yes! I have it right here..." Flashbang ran over to a shelf, and began to dig out an assortment of weaponry. "No... No... Not that one... Ah! Oh wait, this is a box of grenades." What!? Well, of course Flashbang has a box of grenades just sitting around. Typical of him. "Ah! Here it is!" I trotted over as Flashbang pulled out a dusty box and set it down on the table.

"How long have you had that back there?" I looked up at the shelf it came from; it was behind a multitude of other boxes.

"I got the order from the Princess a little more than five years ago, right after the Elements of Harmony were found. She said she wanted a multi-purpose magic weapon. I forgot about it almost immediately after I finished this prototype, which was a few years ago... Sat on my shelf collecting dust as new orders came in for me to design conventional and magical weaponry to outfit Equestria's tanks, aircraft, and infantry." Flashbang opened the box, and there sat a black carbine. It was impeccably designed, with a long barrel, integrated silencer, adjustable sight, shoulder rest, and ability to slide into the standard-issued holster.

"Wow." It was one of the best designed guns I have seen, especially from Flashbang. Usually his prototypes are welded together scrap metal. "This is... beautiful."

"An order from Princess Celestia is always something to overachieve at," Flashbang said. "I spent hundreds of hours making it able to stand up to anything. I call her the Laser Markspony Rifle 9, or LMR-9." So, what's with everybody and their acronyms today?

"Guess I won't be needing this anymore," as I, testing my new magic abilities using the ARC, floated my standard issue sword-rifle onto the table in front of me. It took more effort than I thought; I almost dropped it 2 times.

"So, you want to show me how to fire this thing?..."

I strolled into the Throne Room, my spirits held high in my heart, and bowed. Celestia motioned for me to stand back up. "So, Celestia, you said you wanted to-"

KABOOM!!!

I was thrown across the room and into a wall as an explosion decimated the stained glass windows and wall next to me.

Chapter 2: The Enemy at the Gates

KABOOM!!!

I was thrown across the room and into a wall as an explosion decimated the stained glass windows and wall next to me. My back slammed into the wall, making me grunt in surprise, and fell to the ground with a snap. Pain writhed it way across my body, but I forced myself stand up. I looked back around my body, not sure what made that large snap sound, until I looked back. My left wing was bent at an unnatural angle in the middle of the bone, not at the joint. I managed to get a curse out of my mouth, which barely wanted to move. "For fuck sake..." And for some reason my coat was covered in blood, although my cuts and scratches weren't bleeding that badl-

"AHHHHHH!!!!" The scream came from the Royal Guard on the left side of the entrance, which on which side the bomb had blown up. One of his hoofs were a nearly blown off, and his chest was a bloody mess. From here I could see a gash through his I galloped over. The other Guard was already there.

"Are you o-okay? Please-" More screaming interrupted me, and I forced a scroll I found into his mouth as a gag.
"Mffw mffw!!!!" The screaming finally stopped. The Guard's eyes darted to look at me. "As I said p-please stay s-still... The medics are on their w-way." I was talking quite fast and my breathing was fast and shallow, trying to fight back the pain in my wing. Oh shit. I forgot about the Princesses! I mentally facehoofed at my stupidity as I galloped as fast as my body would let me over to their thrones. Thankfully, they were relatively unharmed, with only minor cuts and bruises. I looked back; the Guard was using a piece of tapestry covering his fallen brother with who was laying dead on the ground. I turned my attention back to Princess Celestia.

"Lieutenant, there are ponies in the castle! Find them immediat-"

RATA-TATA-TATA-TAT!!!

Seven bullets whizzed overhead, ricocheting off the wall and breaking all of the remaining glass hanging in the windows. Everypony in the room ran into cover behind the thrones.

"Who is shooting at us?" I asked the Royal Guard that slid behind the throne at the last second. The firing started back up, this time a little more accurate.

"I don't know! Somepony, it looks like, is wearing a black mask and clothing!"

RATA-TATA-TATA-TATA-TATA-TAT!!!

Our cover was being slowly eaten away. Celestia and Luna both looked pissed, but without a gun, they couldn't shoot back. Using my newfound magic skills, I slid my carbine out of it's holster and loaded a magazine. I threw the rifle out into the air over the thrones and blindly pulled the trigger.

PEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW- click-click-click.

Damn! I had fired the whole clip without- the shooting stopped. I looked over the barricade. Our opponent kneeled down, holding his hoof over his chest. I did hit my target! The Guard next to me rolled out from the cover and ran over to our opponent. I vaulted over the barricade, and ran after him.

"Drop the weapon! Drop it! Drop it!" he yelled, motioning with his sword-rifle.

Clink.

I looked down. In the unknown pony's mouth was a pin. A spherical metal object clattered to the floor. I turned to gallop away. Instinctively, the Guard tried to flee also, but it was too late for him.

"Noo-!"

BOOM!!!

I was painted red as the grenade exploded, instantly killing the Guard and the intruder. Blood splattered against my coat, and bits of flesh stuck to me, wanting to be part of a fully functioning pony again. I stood there, unsure if this really was happening. And then I screamed. I couldn't help it. Three ponies had died in front of me, in a gruesome manner. I was covered in blood. I tried to block it out of my mind, but I had finally snapped. I wanted my mother, to go back to those days long ago where she would hold me in her lap and tell me stories of how Celestia had banished Luna to the moon. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and block out the outside world. I wanted to put the barrel of my weapon up to my head and pull the trigger. But I knew I couldn't. No. I had a job. I had a duty. That outweighed whatever I thought, whatever I wanted. And so I stood up. A scowl on my face, I strode out of the decimated throne room.

"D-Dasher! Where are you going?" exclaimed Princess Luna.

"To finish this fucking thing."

"Intruder alert at the southern gate!"

"Multiple hostiles at the western gate! We need backup!"

"We are pinned down in the courtyard! OH SH-" My comm-link chirped as I switched it off, and I galloped down the hallway. The hallways were empty aside from the occasional group of Guards running to their posts, sword-rifles drawn. The pew-pew of magical weapons and racket of conventional weapons blended together to create a never-ending roar. I galloped through a doorway and immediately ducked as bullets chipped away at the stone archway above me.

"Shit!" I magically pulled out the clip and tried to load another one, (It was still hard to even levitate the weapon, let alone both it and the clip) and finally succeeded. I put the carbine up to my shoulder, and stood up. Looking through the scope, I picked off one after another.

PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!

Another volley of rounds whizzed by, and one grazed my mane, barely missing my temple. I turned to my attacker and pulled the trigger.

PEWEWEW!!!

Lances of light slashed through the pony's chest into his heart, instantly killing him. No, wait, her. I galloped up to the corpse, crouched down, and pulled off her mask. It wasn't a pony. No. It was a zebra. Zebras attacking Canterlot? No. That just can't be. The zebras in Equestria were a bit weird and a bit cut off from others, yes, but they worshipped Princess Celestia and Princess Luna just as much as any other pony in Equestria. But thinking about zebras, there have been many reports about a group of zebras forming a militia in the North-

RATA-TATA-TAT!!!

Bullets tore through my still sticking out left wing and my left flank. I fell to the ground, my brain registering extreme pain on most of my left side. I aimed my carbine at him and emptied the rest of the magazine into my new attacker.

PEWEWEW!!!

I won the shooting competitions at the Academy for a reason. The three bolts slashed at the zebra's chest, making him stumble. The zebra (I assumed) limped a little closer, raised his (I could tell by how confident he was) automatic rifle, and started to squeeze the trigger. I closed my eyes, praying to Celestia to make my death quick and painless.

click.

I opened my left eye. The zebra looked down at the rifle he was holding in his mouth. He pulled the bolt back with his hoof, and pulled the trigger again.

click.

His determined expression wiped off of his face. He continued to pull the trigger, obviously not believing that it had jammed.

click. click. click. click.

His eyes went wide in fear as I slowly lifted my carbine out of the pool of blood surrounding me. Shaking the carbine, I slowly stood up. The zebra opened his mouth and dropped his rifle. It hit the floor with a clatter. Pointing the barrel towards him, I squeezed the trigger with my magic.

click.

Well shit.

Chapter 3: Flight of the Flightless

click.

Well shit. Throwing the carbine to the side, I looked at the zebra in front of me. I guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way, then, I thought. Pivoting on my forelegs, I bucked with all my weak body could muster. But instead of hitting my mark, the zebra dodged and grabbed my left wing. Excruciating pain shot through my body. Unable to hold my anger back now, I screamed.

"AURGH!!!" This is why I never excelled at hoof-to-hoof combat. I was never fast enough, never the strongest, and never could win a hoof-fight for my life. The zebra started dragging me down the hallway by my wing. The bone already broken, the flesh that attached my wing to my body started to tear away from the force the zebra was exerting. Picking up my carbine, I slammed the stock into the back of his head repeatedly. I said various curse words in between the repetitive hits. "FUCK. YOU. YOU. LITTLE. PIECE. OF. SHIT!" The zebra fell to the floor, his body limp. EJecting another magazine from my weapon, I loaded the third cartridge. Barely conscience, the zebra uttered his final words.

"My death will only rally others to take up my cau-"

"Go to Tartarus," I muttered, and with a swift pull of the trigger the zebra was no more in this life.

PEW!!!

Blood oozed out of the new whole in his head, slowly The zebra's eyes became still, no longer tracking my movements. Turning away, I noticed that a black border was starting to creep closer and closer into the center of my field of vision. I knew I would bleed out if I didn't tend to my wounds. Upon further inspection, my left wing was attached to my body only by a bit of flesh. Multiple bullets had pierced my left flank, one having gone straight out the other side. The pain was excruciating, and my body didn't want to move. The border was creeping closer now. The roar of the battle outside drowned out my cries of anguish. Slowly, I was fading away. Unable to do anything, I closed my eyes. May Celestia have mercy on my soul... ...at-tatat-tatat.

"What in Equestria!?! Medic! MEDIC!!!" A sudden jab of a syringe made me open my eyes. "Lieutenant! Stay with me! Sir! You're going to be okay!" That was quite the lie. The medic didn't look very hopeful. I knew that medics only carried the very basic medical supplies, not the equipment needed to fix me. Not by a stretch. Knowing this, the medic gave me all the painkillers he had on him. A magical field enveloped me, picking my limp body off the ground and placing me onto a stretcher. "He's fading! He's fading fast!!!..."

<)-----------------------------------------------------------(>

Fire all around me. I sit in a corner, curled up in a ball. I can't move. I can't see. I can't breathe. Through the crackle of the flames, a voice calls my name. "Dasher?" "DASHER!?!" I let out a whimper. A mare gallops through the smoke and flames. She picks me up with her magic as burning pieces of rubble fall from the ceiling. I get thrown into the street... I see the house explode into hundreds of pieces. The world goes black as my head hits the pavement.

<)-----------------------------------------------------------(>

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I jerk awake. Looking around, I find an alarm clock beeping incessantly. Pain is still a constant companion. Where am I? I looked forward and saw a poster advertising, 'Senior Pony Care! Only 20 bits a day! By Baltimare Hospital." They transported me to the biggest hospital outside of Manehattan to treat me? That is not a good sign...

"Mr. Dasher, I see you're awake." I turn my head to a white and pink nurse pony standing next to me. "Good for you. You've been out for almost a week."

"Whuff?" My confused groan makes the nurse smile. Trying again, I manage to say a few words. "Uhhhhh.... What do you mean I've been out for a week?"

"Well, you came in unconscious. Your body was riddled with bullet holes, and your wing..." The mare turned away. "Your wing was a bit 'dismembered.'" I noticed I couldn't see my wings, let alone feel the left one...

"W-where is my wing?"

"Oh!" The nurse turned back to me. "I didn't mean that! No, no, no, you're all in one piece. You're fine." I sighed heavily. They tell me I am fine, but I still want to see my body. On the table next to me I spot a mirror. I try to pick it up. The red magical field that usually would appear doesn't show itself. Drawing from a book for young unicorns that I read, I clear most of the other thoughts bouncing around my head and focus on the mirror on the table. Still, it doesn't move. Either my ARC is not on me, or they took it off... I don't know which one, since there are so many bandages wrapped around my forehooves. Whatever the cause, I roll on the hospital bed over to the table and pick the mirror up in my mouth. Yep, wings still there, everything is there! The loud sound of hoofsteps fill the room. Turning over, I looked at the three Guards that entered the room. The nurse turns and trots away at the sight of them. She turns her head to me and gives me a wink as she turns around the corner into the hallway.

"Sir!" The three Guards snapped to attention and gave a salute. The middle Guard, who I recognize as an uptight sergeant in charge of an anti-air cannon on the wall, stepped forward to speak.

"Your presence is requested, sir."

"By who?" I questioned. I was sitting in a hospital bed, unable to fly and could barely move. The sergeant continued, not answering my question.

"A ERAF Pegasus CP-13 is waiting at the airport for the flight to Canterlot."

"Who requested me?" Still no answer.

"You're rifle is on the aircraft, and we are currently load-" I've had enough of this. Using my Royal Canterlot Voice (which is taught to all in the Royal Guard, although ponies rarely use it), I decide to get the information out of him the way most strict drill officers do it.

"SERGEANT, I OUTRANK YOU! TELL ME WHO REQUESTED ME!" The sergeant backs away from me, surprised and scared. He never was the tough one at the Academy...

"Sir, I can't-"

"YOU BETTER TELL ME, OR BY CELESTIA, YOU'RE GONNA GET COURT MARTIALED AND DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED!"

"I-"

"WRONG ANSWER!!! TELL ME WHO YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT! WHY DON'T I JUST LET YOU EAT A HOOF-FULL OF SUNFIRE, YOU FUC-"

"Princess Celestia, s-sir!" The sergeant quickly pulled a box out of his saddlebag and plopped it on the bed. "N-now please get d-dressed."

Chapter 4: Horrible Odds

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