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Chapter Two: In Which I Meet the Equestrian Oligarchy.
Chapter Two:
In Which I Meet the Equestrian Oligarchy.
Draco’s P.O.V.
Late that morning, Twilight walked into the Castle Library. She stopped dead in her tracks, and her jaw hit the floor. “What in the name of Celestia have you been doing in here?!” she shouted.
I shrugged. “Reading. I can’t sleep. I figured if I’m permanently stuck in another universe, I should learn about it. Sorry about the mess.”
Twilight sighed. “That actually makes a lot of sense. I just … don’t handle a library in disarray well. You had better put all of this back exactly where you found it.”
I nodded. I held up a lengthy scroll. “I made notes!”
Twilight levitated the scroll over. “Well, your penponyship is appalling.”
“Yeah, quills aren’t exactly my forte. Do they make pencils in Equestria?”
Twilight nodded distractedly. “Yes, we could get you some. Huh. You’re actually a pretty good note-taker. Your subjects are all over the map. What were you studying?”
I pointed to two stacks of books. “As much as possible. I tend to do things out of order, it just makes more sense to me.”
Twilight started to read the titles of my chosen books. “A Complete Guide to Equestrian History , Grammar and the Spoken Word , Modern Inventions: An Overview , On Pony Anatomy & Magic , Fashion & the Modern Pony , Basic Spell Theory for Young Unicorns .” She blinked in surprise. “You read all of this last night?!”
I nodded. “Yeah, I can read at nearly five times my normal speed, but I can’t retain almost any of it, so I made extensive notes of the highlights. It’s actually pretty cool to be able to read that much.”
Twilight looked at me warily. “What’s this other stack for?”
“Oh, that was just for fun. I didn’t get through almost any of it.”
Twilight read the titles of that stack, her eyes getting wider and wider. “Wishing is Chaos ? This Cruel and Random World by Professor Entropic State ? Conversations in a Canterlot Café ? Diary of a Pliant Tyrant ? I’ve never heard of these,” she said with a skeptical look. “Bride of Discord ?!” she said in shock. She screamed at the last title. “Necromancy for Foals ?!!! Why do we have a book on forbidden dark magic that’s designed for foals?!!”
I shrugged. “It’s your library, you tell me.”
Twilight grit her teeth. “Where did you even find these books?”
“They were on the shelf labeled ‘Fanfiction.’”
One of Twilight’s eyes, and both her ears twitched. “We don’t have a shelf labeled ‘Fanfiction!!!’ she exploded.
“It was there when I looked last night. Must just be one of those things.”
Twilight took several deep breaths, and levitated every book back to its designated place. She didn’t know what to do with the books she hadn’t heard of, so she left them. I decided to take them to my room to finish reading later, they were all good books.
“Right. OK then. Since you’re feeling better, I’m going to write the Princesses about you, they need to be aware that you’re here, and that you’re sentient, even if you’re not a threat. Other than to order and sanity, that is.” This last sentence was said with a smile.
I sighed. “I always did like topiary gardens. Not being able to see anything would be horrible. What does being a statue feel like?”
Twilight’s mouth was an ‘O’ of horror. “They are NOT going to turn you to stone!!”
“Sez you.” I muttered. Twilight simply shook her head, and trotted away.
I read some more as I awaited my doom. Several dragon fire messages later, Twilight trotted back into the library. “Well, the Princesses will be here at eight tonight. Even Cadence and Shining Armor are coming!” she said with a happy squeal. My eyes widened. “They’re coming all the way here for me? The entire ruling class of Equestria?!” Twilight nodded. I folded my arms. “So, I’m going to be in a room with some of the most powerful beings in Equestria, I’m a Draconequus, I’m probably a danger to public safety, and I have a tendency to say whatever pops into my head without thinking about it first. Yeah, that couldn’t possibly go horribly awry.” All the shelves in the library shook as there was an ominous clap of thunder.
Starlight stuck her head in the door, and chuckled nervously. “Sorry everypony! Minor hiccup with a transfiguration spell, it’s fine. Oh! Draco! How are you feeling?”
“Fine, I just didn’t sleep well, but I’m still not tired. Do you have any plans for the day?”
She nodded. “Maud’s going to teach me all about metamorphic marble! I’m so excited!”
“Cool, rocks can actually be pretty cool if you know what to look for.” I realized something. “Hey, Twilight? Do you have a mirror I could use? I haven’t seen what I look like now, and if I’m going to be meeting the Princesses, I’d like to be presentable.”
“Yes, but it’s not quite built for somepony your height.”
“It’s OK, I’ll take what I can get.” Twilight showed me into a bathroom, and I bent down to take a look at my head. “Sheesh. Yin and yang much?” I muttered to no one in particular.
“Pardon?” asked Twilight.
“Oh, it’s just the way the colors on my face are split, it reminds me of that is all.” I tried to smile, a bit unsuccessfully. “I’m spilt down the middle in my face, my mouth, actually, pretty much everywhere.” I stuck my long, forked tongue out. “Hisssss ! That part’s actually pretty cool. My eyes are pretty weird, how can I even see with those?” I rapped my knuckles on my oversized horn. “This is going to take some getting used to,” I muttered.
My reflection smiled, and said, “Actually, for a Draconequus, you’re a bit on the plain side.”
I rolled my eyes. “Good morning to you too, Discord.”
My reflection pouted. “How did you know it was me?” it asked in Discord’s voice.
“I sensed a grave disturbance in the Force.”
“Really?”
“No. It’s just that my reflection has never talked to me before, and Draconequus or not, I doubt it will start anytime soon. Besides, I don’t know what’s ‘plain’ for a Draconequus. I’m still not used to this.”
Twilight said, “Some of the things you say are really very strange. Is it normal for you to not make much sense?”
I nodded. “I can make sense sometimes, I just usually don’t. It’s more fun that way. A lot of the time, even I don’t know what I’m talking about. May I have my reflection back Discord?”
My “borrowed” reflection nodded. “I just wanted to let everypony know that I’ll be here tonight as well. Toodles!” My reflection lined back up with me. The mirror then cracked in two.
I turned to Twilight, “Is he always like this?”
She shook her head. “No, sometimes he’s worse. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to having him around, but he does liven things up like nopony else I’ve ever met.”
“Is anyone else going to be there besides you, me the Princesses, your brother, and Discord? Because if not, I’m seriously outnumbered.” We walked into the throne room as Twilight thought.
“Well, I could ask. Rarity had an emergency at her Manehatten Boutique late last night, but-”
My ears drooped slightly. “Just a second. I … remember trying to bite something white and purple with a shrill voice. Was that Rarity?”
“You tried to bite Rarity?!!” Spike shouted as flames shot out his mouth.
“I … think so. I also tried to bite you yesterday. I haven’t been bitey since kindergarten. This doesn’t bode well for my reputation.”
Twilight was a little cross-eyed at my statement. “Uh, yes. You did try to bite Rarity. In your defense, you really weren’t in your right mind.”
“I’m never in my right mind, that’s not a new thing.”
“No, I mean you really weren’t in your right – oh, never mind. Fluttershy is busy with her animal sanctuary, but I’m sure she’d want to check on you, I’ll let her know that you’re up and about. Starlight and Spike will be here, of course. Including the Princesses, that’s everypony who knows about you so far,” she chuckled nervously, “but it’s a small town, so …”
“Wonderful. ” I growled. I walked over to the window, and glanced out at the town. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t home. As I opened the window, I heard something rushing towards me from above my head. I looked up, and saw a rainbow hurtling towards me. “Uh, Twilight? What is tha-”
*WHUD!* I was knocked into the far wall, and something half my size pinned me to the floor. When I opened my eyes, miniature books with wings were flying around my head, making tweeting noises. “Oh! So that’s how that works!” I babbled.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TWILIGHT?!” shouted something cyan that had me in a death grip.
I shook my head, and the book hallucination went away as my vision cleared. “Hi! Are you Rainbow Dash?”
“Who wants to know?”
“Draco, newly-minted Draconequus, current resident of the Castle, part-time unintentional menace to ponies. It’s nice to meet you in person. Could you get off of me, please?”
“Rainbow Dash! He’s fine! He’s just confused, he isn’t trying to hurt anypony!” Twilight interjected.
“Aside from trying to bite every other pony I meet.” I muttered.
“You try to bite ponies?” Rainbow Dash asked with a death-glare.
“Yes. Yes he does. Dragons too,” said Spike, giving me an additional glare.
“I said I was sorry! I’ve haven’t done that in years! Also, I haven’t been literally half carnivore before then. If it’s any consolation, I’m used to you now, so it won’t happen again!” I was half shouting, half pleading.
Twilight got between me and Rainbow, and gently pried Rainbow off of me.
“Sheesh. You’re a lot stronger than you look. In addition to mad flying skills. Thank you for not beating the stuffing out of me.” I was a little calmer at this point, and so was Rainbow. “Why’d you pounce on me? What did you think I was doing? Turning Twilight into her opposite as part of an evil plot to rule the world? Maybe before you attack someone, you should talk to them first. How’d you find out I was here, anyway?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Fluttershy mentioned a patient at the Castle, and it didn’t take long to get the details out of her. She said ‘Draconequus!’ As far as I know, yeah, you were hatching some evil plot.”
I dusted myself off. “How wonderful to go from a world with racism to a world with specism. In the first place, I’m not evil, I’m just very odd. In the second place, I don’t want to rule anything, let alone all Equestria. In the third place, I don’t know how to turn somepony into their opposite, even if I wanted to. Does that satisfy you?”
Rainbow looked at me uncertainly. “Wellll, I don’t know if you’re being honest, but you don’t seem all evil and insane and chaotic.” She chuckled. “Sorry for my reaction. I tend to over-protect my friends if I think they’re in trouble.”
I nodded. “Element of Loyalty, it’s understandable. If everypony will excuse me, I’m going to lock myself in the library for the rest of the day. I can get on well with books, if nothing else.”
Twilight gave me a frightened look. “The library? But – last night you … it was a mess! Put everything back exactly the way you find it!!”
“Right. OCD. Will do. Nice to meet you Rainbow!” I waved, and slunk away to the wonderful world of books.
At seven o’clock, the book I was reading sprouted a tongue and licked me. I spat, and said, “Wha-?”
Spotlights flooded the library. “Mares and gentlecolts, humans of all ages, may I present the one, the only, Discord! Here today as a public service!” Discord flashed into existence, wearing a purple-checked suit.
By this point, I was almost getting used to things like this. I glanced at the clock. “You’re an hour early.”
“Punctuality is the politeness of princes,” said Discord, a small crown appearing on his head. His outfit then disappeared. “I have a lot to discuss with you, and an hour might not be enough time. It’s a high word count.” That same brick wall I saw when he said “goodbye” yesterday flashed into existence behind him, before flashing back to wherever it came from. I was beginning to worry, I was having exactly the same hallucination over and over, was that normal?
“OK, shall we find a place to talk?”
Discord nodded. “Oh! I forgot to tell you! Fluttershy’s here early as well! She wanted to check on your recovery, isn’t she wonderful?”
“Tell her thank you. I think there’s a room with a table we could borrow.”
We came to the room, and found Fluttershy, Starlight, and Twilight waiting at the far end. Fluttershy extended her hoof. “Goodness! You recovered quickly! You can talk now?”
“Quite eloquently, even if my voice is funny. Somepony’s really going to have to fill me in on what happened the day before yesterday.”
Discord groaned. “Yes, yes. We can go into all of that later. For right now, I have so little to explain, and so much time to do it in.” A purple coat and brown top hat appeared on him as he facepawed. “Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.” The outfit disappeared. “Let’s go!” He dragged me over to the table, and sat me down. “So, what do you want to know first? I’ve been instructed to be as helpful as possible. There are those of the Draconequine Council who have an over-exaggerated sense of responsibility, so I’ll tell you what I can.”
“There’s a Draconequine Council?”
“Yes. There aren’t very many Draconequui compared to other species, but some of the more powerful or important Spirits form a ruling Council. As political systems go, it’s actually not bad, they just want everyDraconequus to do their jobs, and not ruin reality. Their punishments for Draconequui who do mess things up make Kay-kay’s look absolutely benign, so don’t do anything overly stupid. What else do you want to know?”
“Am I immortal now? What exactly is a ‘Spirit?’”
“Yes to the first question, once you’re actually a Spirit. You’re not at the moment, so,” he shrugged. “Who knows? You won’t be a genuine Spirit until you find your concept. The second answer is lengthier. As I said yesterday, we are in charge of shepherding and spreading concepts throughout time and space, some good, some evil, and some you really can’t label. We are somewhat material, and mostly magic. A Draconequus’s magic is fundamentally tied to their concept, and has difficulty adapting to other forms of magic. I can use harmony magic, but it’s like having claws scraped down a chalkboard. Actually, I love claws scrapped down a chalkboard, so, bad example. The function of spreading concepts was assigned to us by the gods, we help to shape reality for them.”
“OK, I can get that. But if you’re a nigh-omnipotent Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, why can the Elements of Harmony overpower you? How could Tirek steal your magic?”
Discord clenched a fist, and muttered something.
“Pardon?”
Discord sighed. “In certain cases, a concept can be overpowered by its opposite, and therefore its Spirit can as well. Life and Death can’t overpower each other, but Harmony can overpower Chaos. I think that’s cheating, but that’s just me. Just because I was turned to stone doesn’t mean I wasn’t active, there was still,” he thought for a moment, “Oh, five percent of me floating around in the ether for that thousand years. Five percent of me spreading chaos is still an amazing five percent, and can still cause quite a bit of chaos. I just chose to avoid Equestria. The reason Tirek could steal my magic is that he was hopped up on nearly all the magic in Equestria, and his magic is specifically designed to steal other’s magic. If he hadn’t been as powerful as he was, I doubt he could have done it. That … and I … wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Any other painful parts of my past you’d like to drag up?”
I swear my mouth opened by itself. “You’ve been alive forever, you travel all over different universes, and in all that time, you’d never had a friend?”
All the shadows in the room lengthened. “Watch it.” Discord growled in his Scary Voice. He then sighed. “No,” he said in a bitter tone, “I didn’t. It’s a rare individual who appreciates having ‘normal’ taken away from them. I wasn’t all that interested in having friends, I thought Chaos was everything I needed. I’d … tried to have friends before, but … it never ended well, and we never actually got to be friends. In all honesty, not all Draconequui even interact with mortals, but we have been known to fall in love with mortals on occasion.”
I noticed he was staring past me, and followed his line of sight. I sighed. “Discord … when are you going to tell her?”
“Hmm? Tell who what?” he asked innocently.
“May I borrow your ear?” Thankfully, he took me literally, and pawed me his ear. “Discord, a fairly sizeable chunk of the fandom has some sort of betting pool on when exactly you’re going to tell Fluttershy you love her.”
“THEY WHAT?!” he shouted.
“What are you two talking about?” called Twilight.
“Nothing!” Discord and I replied in three-part harmony. Discord reattached his ear.
Discord turned to me, looking embarrassed. “Well, I – I just, I mean, is it that obvious?”
I nodded. “Discord, as far as I know, you’ve been alive forever, and you wrote the very first song, but yes, it’s that obvious.”
“Oh.” Discord said in a small tone of voice.
“One last question: I know about humans because I am – was human, but how do you know so much about them?”
Discord looked even more embarrassed. “*A-hem.* A Draconequus’s duties aren’t strictly limited to just one universe, … and …” he coughed, “I may have visited your world a few times. Incognito, of course,” he said as a superhero mask appeared around his eyes.
I drummed my fingers on the table. “I see. Well, thank you, you’ve been very helpful, and you actually made a lot of sense.”
Discord shuddered. “Never insult me like that again!”
“Sorry, I forget who I’m speaking to a lot of the time. Any advice on what I should say or do around the Princesses when they come?”
Discord waved his talons airily. “Oh … just be yourself.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.” I muttered so quietly I don’t think even he heard me.
We waited in the largest hall for the Princesses. “Do you like animals?” asked Fluttershy.
I shrugged. “Yes, actually, but I’m not good with living things. Anything more advanced than a cactus tends to wither and die in my presence. There’s a reason I don’t have pets.”
Fluttershy had teared up, and her mouth was one big quiver. “OK,” she squeaked. She then drew a little closer to Twilight and Spike. Hmm, let’s see, I thought to myself, tried to bite Rarity, tried to bite Spike, insulted the Lord of Chaos, and made Fluttershy cry – an offense punishable by fandom death. At this rate, I’m not going to experience the ‘magic of friendship’ in this universe for the rest of my unnatural life. I’m just not going to talk when the Princesses arrive. I can manage that, right?
At that moment, all the Princesses, and Shining armor walked serenely into the room. As they drew near, Twilight introduced me to all of them. “Princess Celestia, this is Draco.”
I bowed a little awkwardly. “It’s nice to meet somepony almost my height. Please don’t turn me to stone before dinner.” Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“Err, Princess Luna, this is Draco.”
“A pleasure, I am certain,” Luna said, only slightly too formally. “What is your impression of Ponyville?”
“I’ve only seen a bit of it out of the window. It’s … colorful? I don’t really know. I’m excited to meet you in person, I – oh. It’s just nice to meet you.” Luna matched Celestia’s quizzical look to a ‘T.
Twilight laughed a little falsely. “Heh, heh! Right! Draco, this is Cadence, my sister-in-law.”
Cadence gave me a quizzical look. “You’re … very unusual.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing, I’ve always enjoyed being slightly insane, it gives me an edge over everyone else. Pleasure to meet you.”
“You too,” said Cadence with a smile.
Shining Armor then trotted up to me, and stuck out a hoof. “Shinning Armor, I think I’ve got your name down by now. Apparently, you just fell out of the sky?”
“I honestly have no idea how I got here, it’s complicated.”
Shining Armor smiled. “What do you think of Twily?”
“She’s nice, she’s not quite as crazy as I was expecting. She’s got a great library!” I then slightly choked as my brain heard the second statement I’d just made to Twilight’s brother.
Shining also raised an eyebrow. “You OK there?”
“Fine!” I gasped.
Twilight looked about four seconds away from a full-blown panic attack. “Well! Shall we get to it?” We all entered the dining room, where a large spread was laid on the table, it looked delicious. Discord pulled out Fluttershy’s chair, I pulled out Starlight’s, just out of habit.
We all sat down. I was waiting for the Princesses to start eating, I didn’t think it would be polite to eat before royalty. Once they started, I examined my salad. “Is something wrong with diner?” asked Spike.
“No, it looks wonderful! I’m just not very hungry, I haven’t been for two days. Normally, I’m hungry enough to eat a horse.”
Celestia swallowed her drink the wrong way, and spent several minutes sputtering.
“It’s just an expression,” I said in a puzzled tone. Princess Luna clapped Celestia on the back a few times.
“So, Draco, what are your plans for your time in Equestria?” asked Luna hurriedly.
I shrugged. “I honestly have no idea. It would seem I’m stuck here for the rest of my life,” I looked at Discord, “and that life might be a really long time. It’s kind of hard to plan for potential centuries. How do you manage?”
Luna gazed at me for a few minutes. “In my own experience, it helps to take the years one day, or one night, at a time. You can always plan for tomorrow, but you never know what it will bring. I am glad I have my duties to occupy my nights, or else I would feel redundant.”
“You are not redundant, Sister,” said Celestia a bit forcefully.
I nodded. “I have to agree, you do a lot of good. I am curious about your duties though. Just going off of my own personal nightmares, how do some of the things you see not completely scar you? I mean, nightmares and dreams can reveal a perso – pony’s deepest fears and secrets. Things they don’t want anyone else to ever know. How do you deal with things like that?”
Luna looked uncomfortable, and started to fidget. “It is true that I encounter such things, thankfully they are somewhat rare, but even I cannot help every dreamer in Equestria. Some of the things I have seen a pony conjure up things that do indeed stay with me for a time after, but any help I can give them, to me, outweighs the cost.”
“I’m glad there’s a silver lining to the worst part of the job.” I looked at Cadence. “Princess Cadence? You’re the Princess of Love?” She nodded. “So, can you force ponies to fall in love?”
She looked at me aghast. “Of course not! Love magic is one of the least truly effective magics there is, you can’t fake the genuine article, no matter how hard you try. All I can do is encourage what’s already there, and help to patch over rough areas. Both of those are honestly easier to do without magic than with it.”
Celestia tried to change the subject. “Draco, do you have any magic? You’re using your fingers for everything, wouldn’t it be easier to levitate the plates?”
“I don’t know if I have magic, how do you tell?”
Twilight brightened up. “Actually, there’s a very easy test for that. May I?”
“Help yourself,” I said.
Twilight fired up her horn, and her magic lightly coursed through me. “Heh, heh! Ha! It tickles!” I laughed. An arc of lightning then shot out of my horn, and struck hers. She fell out of her chair onto the floor.
I rushed over. “Are you OK?”
She looked at me, slightly cross-eyed. “Ay-yep! He definitely has magic!” She hiccupped. “Tasted kind of funny though.”
As I set her back in her seat, Discord waved some sort of meter at me. It beeped rapidly, then exploded into confetti. “Hmmm. It would seem you’re even more powerful than me! That’s a frightening thought,” he muttered.
Twilight shook her head, whatever her Sparklescan™ had done to her was wearing off. “Draco? Maybe you could excuse yourself? Before you say anything else potentially humiliating? The Princesses, Discord, and I have a lot to discuss.” I nodded, and excused myself.
An hour-and-a-half later, a knock came at my door. “Go away,” I muttered.
“It’s Cadence, I just want to talk!”
I didn’t reply, and the door opened. Cadence found me curled up on the floor, a book in each paw, but I wasn’t reading either. “Hey, how are you?”
“Not good. I just ticked off all the Royalty of Equestria. If I’d put my foot in my mouth one more time, I think I’d have choked on it. I’m sorry for insulting everypony.”
Cadence laid down next to me, and I sat up. She then did something very unexpected, she leaned over, and rested an ear on my chest. I didn’t know what to say or do, I just tensed up slightly. She was silent for two minutes, before saying, “Huh. You have two hearts.”
“Really? Must have gotten an upgrade or something.” I smiled. “What are my hearts telling you, Princess?”
“That you’re scared. That you don’t know what to do while feeling trapped in a new place. That you usually hide your hearts because you’ve been hurt before, and you hurt easily. That you care deeply about how others feel and do, but don’t know what to do about it. That you don’t mean anypony any harm, so I shouldn’t have to worry about you.”
I chuckled. “You got all of that from a rhythm of four? My hearts must have as big a mouth as I do.”
She looked at me with a wry smile. “I don’t have to be the Princess of Love to pick up on all of that” Her horn glowed blue for a moment. “Shining will be right with you, I have to go finalize some things with my aunts and my sister-in-law.”
“You two can send each-other telepathic messages?”
She laughed. “When you’re married, yes. You just don’t need magic for it.”
“I can believe that. Hey, who’s watching Flurry? If all the Princesses are here just to meet me, did I put the Equestrian government on hold? “
“Sunburst is watching Flurry, I’m honestly grateful for a night out.”
“Remind me to apologize to Sunburst if we ever meet.’”
She laughed. “You didn’t cause Equestria’s government to collapse, we’ve all gathered to meet ponies before. It was nice to meet you. Shining’s here, play nicely.” She stood up. “You didn’t say anything too bad, provided you don’t actually eat ponies.”
“I don’t, it’s just a saying where I’m from when someone is really hungry. My whole problem is my lips move when I think.”
“If you’d ever like to visit the Crystal Empire, we’d love to have you.” The door opened, and Shining Armor walked in, and nuzzled Cadence. Cadence turned, said “Goodbye,” and walked out.
Shining sat on the bed. “So,” he said after a pause, “the Princesses are trying to agree on a sentence for you.”
“Sentence?” I said with worry.
He nodded. “Yes, in between everypony catching up, we were all trying to decide what to do with you. They finally picked a sentence, they’re just ironing out the details. I’m not going to lie to you, it might seem unfair, or even harsh at times, but it will be worth it.”
“That’s not exactly reassuring.”
Shining smirked, and changed the subject. “Aside from sticking your hoof, er, paw(?) in your mouth, you seem like a pretty nice guy. Cadence says she’d love to have you over sometime. Have you ever played Ogres and Oubliettes?”
I shook my head. “No. They have something similar where I’m from that I’ve always wanted to play. I’m glad there’s at least some crossover.” When I said the word “crossover” a brick wall filled the entire entry to my room, before blinking back into nonexistence. It didn’t have eyes, but I could swear it was looking at me. I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve got to figure out what that thing is.”
“What what is?”
“It’s … probably nothing. Shall we head down?” Shining nodded.
When we got back into the main hall, everypony was laughing, and enjoying themselves.
“Ah! Here he is!” said Celestia warmly.
“We have come to an arrangement,” Luna added.
Twilight looked at me. “Despite some,” she shot a glance at Discord, “misgivings about the idea, we have all decided that until such time as you find your new identity, you are to remain in the castle with me, and study friendship and magical theory.” She beamed.
My brain tried to process this for a minute. “Exactly how is getting room and board, and studying friendship and magic a ‘sentence?’” I asked. The Princesses all exchanged a confused look.
A magenta aura grabbed my half-beard, and Shining Armor drew my ear down level with his mouth. “You haven’t had to sit through one of Twily’s lectures yet! ” he hissed loudly. He then looked at me like I’d had my death warrant signed.
“I’m sure I can handle it,” I whispered back. He just shook his head.
Celestia looked at me. “I expect regular reports, from both of you,” she said, looking at Twilight and me. I nodded. “Wonderful. Then we will all bid you adieu, I’m sure everypony in this room has much to do tomorrow.” Everypony exchanged goodbyes, and left.
Twilight looked at me. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of the Princesses, I can’t imagine what that was like for you,” I said.
“Just … work on trying not to say everything you think.” I nodded. Twilight smiled. “Well, you’d better turn in, we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow!” She clapped her hooves. “I can’t wait! I don’t know which I’m more excited to teach, friendship and magic are both so interesting!”
I smiled. “Goodnight, Twilight. Thank you.”
She nodded. “What are friends for?”
“Friends. I like that. It was really nice to meet the Princesses, your family, and your friends. Tell them thank you for me.” I walked back up to my room, and tried unsuccessfully to go to sleep. Around three in the morning, I wound up back in the library. This time, I made sure to put things back where I found them.
Author's Note
Here's Chapter Two!
Chapter Four: Snapshots From the Seasons
Chapter Four
Snapshots From the Seasons
My first few days in Equestria turned into a few weeks, and then into a few months. I was surprised at how quickly it went by. Life wasn’t very exciting, I mostly did homework, and spectacularly failed to preform even foal-level magic, but Twilight was convinced it would click somehow. I even managed to get a job, of sorts. On my days off from studying magical theory, I would go to the town hall, and help to organize the files. Mayor Mare and Pinkie were grateful for the extra help. The pay wasn’t very much, but since I didn’t need to eat or pay rent, it slowly started to add up. As a way to help my income, and try to make friends, most mornings before dawn I would sneak out of the castle, and help the merchant ponies to set up the market. I only earned about three bits a day doing this, but the pay I wanted most I got: ponies who looked forward to seeing me, and who got to know the real me. There were a pawful of ponies who I didn’t think would ever trust me, but I learned to live with it.
I was starting to get used to the Ponyville way of life, and looked forward to some of the pony traditions.
One day in early Autumn, Twilight came into my room before dawn, practically prancing with excitement. “I’ve got a great surprise for you today! Plus, you get the day off from lessons! Come on!” She ran out of the room. I followed her, unsure of what to expect.
“Are you excited?” asked Spike with a big grin.
“Why? What’s today?”
“It’s c-”
Twilight cut Spike off. “Spike! I want it to be a surprise! We’d better get going if we want to get a good spot!”
Starlight walked into the room, yawning. “Sorry,” she said, “I’m not much of a morning pony. Don’t worry, Draco, it’s nothing bad. I’ve only done it once before, but it’s totally worth the ungodly hour.” She walked slowly out of the room.
I was very confused by this exchange, but followed everypony out of the castle. We walked in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. My jaw dropped, there was a line leading to the front gate that stretched back for what must have been a mile. A lot of the ponies were in tents, and were getting up, also almost dancing with excitement.
“OK. I give up. What is all this?”
“It’s cider season!” squealed Twilight happily.
“Oh? Is it this big a deal?”
I heard a deafening yawn behind me. “Of course it’s a big deal!” said Rainbow Dash. “You have not lived until you’ve had the Apple family cider.” Her mane was unkempt, and there were dark circles around her eyes, but she looked, ‘totally pumped,’ as she would have put it.
“If you say so.”
“Hi everypony! Oh, and everyDraconequus, Draco. How you all doing? Isn’t it a pretty day? The clouds look just like cotton candy. Hmm, wish I’d brought some of that. Anyway, what’dya think Draco? Is it amazing, or what?”
“Good morning to you too, Pinkie. Do you actually need physical rest, or are you this much of a morning pony?”
“Nah. I don’t need that much sleep, I’ve got too many ideas and things to do! Plus, morning’s such a pretty time of day! Don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty nice.”
Rainbow Dash was giving Pinkie the evil eye. “If I don’t get any cider because somepony took it all again this year …” she didn’t need to finish the threat.
“Aww, Dashie! You know I wouldn’t do that again. It’s just the seven mugs this year!” Rainbow rolled her eyes.
“Good morning, everypony! It’s so nice to see you all.”
“Hi, Fluttershy!” Twilight called. Fluttershy joined us.
“How is everypony doing?”
“Good.”
“Great! I’m so excited!”
“It’s too early, but yeah, this is gonna be awesome.”
“Amen to the too early part. I’m fine, thanks.”
“It’s Draco’s first cider season, I hope he’ll like it.”
“Come on, Twilight, how could anypony not like cider season? That’s like not liking sapphire cupcakes.”
“Good morning, everypony!” called Rarity in a bright voice. Her coat was immaculate, and her mane neatly combed. I didn’t even sleep and my fur was sticking up in odd places. How she looked that good that early, I don’t know, but I know she wouldn’t ever appear in public if she didn’t.
“Morning!” everypony called back.
“Shall we?” asked Twilight.
“You can cut to the front of all this?” I asked with amusement.
“I am a Princess, which on occasion has its perks. Besides, I’m good friends with Applejack. I think you’re going to enjoy this.”
We walked to the front of the line, and saw a booth with tankards and mugs set up. As if on cue, the ponies began to chant, “Cider, cider, cider, cider… ”
“All right, hold on everypony, there’s plenty to go around!” called Applejack to the crowd. Big Mac leaned down and whispered something to her. She rolled her eyes. “Yes, that’s him! How many eight-foot-tall noodles do ya even see walking around here?” She smiled warmly at me. “Mornin’, Draco! How’s ma favorite patchwork critter today?”
“I didn’t know I was your favorite!” I said coyly.
Applejack waved a hoof. “Yer alright. Yer much less manic than Discord, that’s fer sure.”
I looked at Big Mac, and stuck out a paw. “Pleased to meet you Mr. Macintosh!”
“EEEyyyuuupp!” Big Mac said enthusiastically while shaking my paw a mile a minute. “Please don’t call me ‘Mr. Macintosh.’ Makes me feel old.”
I tried to rub some life back into my paw. “Will do.”
Granny Smith was looking at me critically. “Ya aren’t going to do anything foolish, are ya?”
I nodded. “Most likely yes. I don’t mean to, but I’ve got an uncanny ability to get into trouble. I’ll try to keep the destruction to a minimum.”
Granny Smith smiled warmly at me. “Well, I appreciate the honesty. Glad you could make it! Our cider’s been famous for, well, long as I remember.”
Applejack grabbed a mug. “Here. If ya want anymore, you’ll have to buy it, but since it’s yer first cider season an’ all, I’d thought you’d like one on the house. Just one , though.” She quickly filled up the mug. I took it, and carefully took a very small sip. Applejack laughed. “Goin’ off the expression on yer face, I take it ya like it?”
I nodded. “This is the best apple cider I’ve had in my entire life! If anypony needs me, I’ll be in a tree, hoarding tHiS mOST pRecIOuS DrINk. *Ahem.* Sorry, I don’t know why my voices did that. A little cyan bird told me there’s a limited supply, so I’ll just take the one, thank you very much! I’ll be back to socialize, but right now, I want to savor this.”
I walked to the edge of the orchard, and climbed a tree, using my tails to keep the mug steady. I was slowly sipping my cider, trying to savor all the flavors, when a voice called, “Howdy! I’m Apple Bloom! You’re that new Draconequus, right?”
I turned my head upside down to look at her. “Yes, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you. You don’t seem to be scared of me. Why?”
She rubbed her legs together. “Well, you are kind of scary.”
“What makes me scary, exactly? I’m not hurting anypony, I haven’t turned reality inside out. Is it just the way I look? My eyes? Do I just scream ‘creepy’ without realizing it? I’m not a bad person, I’m just very different.”
“It’s … just that nopony really knows you, and what we don’t know can be scary. You seem nice, but we don’t know what you’re going to do. I think you’re nice, and my sister really likes you, she’s been telling us all about you.”
“Well, for the moment, I’m going to enjoy this cider, and sit in a tree, and think. I don’t think I’ll ever turn reality inside out, even if I have a really bad day. I’m not going to do anything bad to anypony, the town, or Equestria. Just because I have evil in my nature doesn’t mean I act on it. Well, mostly not. I hope, in time, ponies will realize that I just want to help.
“You know, the unknown is scary, so I can see why a new Spirit you don’t know anything about would be scary. But … the entire universe is full of unknows … some are so beautiful they can’t be imagined, some are so terrifying they don’t need to be known. Yet, ponies still go out, look at the stars, and marvel at the unknown. Quite a contradiction in behavior, isn’t it? Sorry, I love contradictions, I thrive on opposites, so I tend to blather on about them. Still think I’m scary?” I said with an evil grin.
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Actually, you’re pretty neat! You aren’t scary at all once somepony talks to you. You have a funny way of seeing things, but, I guess it makes sense. Nice talkin’ to you!” she trotted back in the direction of the main gate. I started laughing hysterically at the fact that somepony actually understood what I was talking about for once, and it was a grade-school filly.
One evening in late October, Twilight stopped at the foot of the stairs, and glanced up at me skeptically. “What are you supposed to be?”
I was wearing a long-sleeve dress shirt that I’d stitched together from two shirts, one side was normal, the other was a different material, and frayed and burned. I’d used a bit of makeup to emphasize the differences in my face, and was tossing a bit up and down.
“I’m Twoface,” I growled in a low voice.
Spike walked into the room. “Don’t you mean Schism, enemy of Batmane?”
I dropped the bit in surprise. “You-you mean you actually have that comic here?! I’ve been missing out on it this whole time?!! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!!”
Spike shrugged. “I didn’t think you liked comics. I’ll let you borrow some, if you swear upon your honor to not damage them.” I frantically nodded. He laughed. “Ok! Ok! You don’t have to act like Winona begging for a treat! Like my duds?”
I looked at him quizzically. He was wearing a red cape, a thin silver crown, had on a long-maned black wig, and had a red-painted cardboard tube sticking out of his head. He bared his fangs, and hissed, “CCRRRRYYYSSSSSSSSSTTAAALLLLSSSSS…. ”
I hit my forehead with my paw. “Duh! King Sombra! You look great , Spike! You’ve got the evil hiss down perfectly.” I shuddered. “I don’t want to know what would happen if I ever meet him .”
I turned to Twilight. She was wearing an old-fashioned pink cape with fur trimming, and a pink pointed hat with silver stars. “OK, I can tell you’re a famous historical mage, but I don’t recognize the costume. Silvermane Glint?”
“Close. Greymane Spark.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. Because nopony could possibly mix that up. Who was she again?”
“A student of Starswirl’s. She helped to find the specific formula to determine the exact magical measurement of an enchanted object! Her work helped to redefine counter-curse measures!” Twilight was in full on “geek-out.” I laughed.
“Where’s Starlight?” I asked.
“Who wants to know ?” came an eerie voice from above me on the stairs. A shadow swooped over me, and the Vampiress Glimmer landed on the ground effortlessly. I put a paw on my chest to slow my heartsbeats.
“That is some seriously impressive theater there.”
She chuckled. “Well, having to smooth-talk ponies into giving up their identity did give me some good acting lessons. You look nice. Schism, right?” I nodded. “It was one of my favorite comics as a filly, so I know the villains on sight. Where’d you get the shirt?”
“I, uh, made it. I’m not much of a haberdasher, but that works for this costume. Rarity liked my help organizing so much, she gave me some shirts from the clearance bin to use. They’re kind of short.” The shirts only came down to my mid-stomach, but two shirts sewn together were at least wide enough for me.
“Weellll …”
“I know, I know, I’m the oddly sized-one in this town. At least I finally got some clothes. Shall we, my children of the night?” They all nodded, and we headed into the streets for Nightmare Night.
The streets were filled with cheering, laughing foals and fillies, being shepherded about by friends and family. The entire town was in costume, and the streets were ready for a fully-fledged fright fest. Ponies and foals waved to me, and smiled, I waved back.
“Schism, my good stallion, tell me, what’s your verdict on my costume?” I noticed Doctor Whooves behind me. He had a pair of grey-painted cardboard wings taped to his sides, a stylized wavy grey wig on, and was covered ears to hooves in grey dust and paint, with some jagged black lines running through it to look like cracks. He smiled, and I saw fangs sticking out of his mouth.
I hid behind Twilight. “Don’t blink, don’t blink, don’t blink, don’t blink …” I muttered robotically. “It’s, uh, perfect. Terrifying, even. I’m not going to get a wink of sleep. Oh. I don’t anyways. How have you been?”
“I have been truly delightful! Derpy and I have been doing a lot of traveling, we’ve really been enjoying seeing everything. There’s always so much to see! Dinky has been earning straight A’s in school, she takes after her mother for beauty and kindness, and me for cleverness. How fare things with you?”
“Good. I never really change. The lessons are going well, for knowledge if not for practical usefulness. I still can’t even manage basic levitation. Still, everything is just fine. Nice to see you!” The Doctor waved, and crossed the street to join Derpy. She was dressed as … a merpony, I think. I couldn’t be sure. Dinky was bouncing between them, dressed as a mailpony, with a mailbag for treats.
KABAM! I leaped into the air, and Twilight found herself holding me. “Bwah! He ha ha!! What’re you, chicken?”
“Cheetah/lion/bear/kangaroo/gazelle/bat/pony/noodle/who-knows-what.” I rattled off quickly. “That was seriously loud, Rainbow! If you’re going to scare someone with thunder, pick someone who doesn’t have bat hearing! OK, I should have heard you sneaking up. My bad. You did nearly make one of my hearts have an attack.”
“All part of the fun dude,” said Rainbow, sneaking her cloud off to find another victim. I swore I’d keep an ear out for her.
I picked my bit back up, and kept walking towards the center of town. Somepony fairly large stepped up behind me, and cleared her throat. “Yes?” It was a very large mare, in a dark cloak that obscured her every feature. Her eyes were glowing white within the hood. She beckoned me into a nearby alley. I followed her, and she her cloak dissolved into shadows. I bowed as best I could in my too-small shirt. “Your Highness?”
“Before tonight’s festivities officially began, I wanted to say hello to you. Your letters don’t say much, I just wanted a progress report.” Luna looked both serene, and … impish? There was something in her smile that said she was planning to enjoy herself.
“There isn’t much to tell, I don’t do much more than what is in my letters, and read. I’ve gotten closer to the ponies around town, but I haven’t become ‘best friends forever’ with someone. I’m not good at friendships, or at least at starting them. As for the other side of things, … zip. If you have time, I could recite Starswirl’s fourteen rules of basic enchantment, but I can’t actually perform magic.”
Luna smiled as best she could. “I am certain it will come in time, and I hear that you are making progress, at least with theory. I am glad that you are becoming more comfortable here, and that ponies are becoming more comfortable with you. It’s a good sign on both sides. Friendships will come in time, rest assured. It is very nice to see you again.”
As she started to trot away, I called, “Princess?” she stopped. “Just out of official ‘alien to this universe’ interest, do Spirits have to donate a portion of candy to the Night Mare as well? I wouldn’t want to be eaten. Besides, I don’t taste good.”
Luna gave me a wide, evil smile. “If you wish to survive the evening, I suggest you appease the Night Mare. She can be very … affronted if things do not go her way on this night.” She waved, drew her shadow cloak around her, and disappeared into the night.
I laughed. Will do, I thought. I slunk back out of the alley, and rejoined Twilight, Starlight, and Spike in the center of town.
“Hey, Draco? What do you want to do first?” Spike asked, gesturing to the carnival around us.
“I’m under direct royal orders to sacrifice a portion of my candy tonight, which means I need candy. I think I could earn some from the games, so I’ll let you pick.”
“How do you feel about the pumpkin catapult?”
I put a paw to my chest. “Moi? Destroy things for fun? I thought you’d never ask. Come on!” I half dragged him over to the stall.
“Howdy!” to my surprise, the pony running the stall this year was Applejack. “What can ay do ya for?”
“I need some candy to give away, or Nightmare Moon will eat me. Any chance I could earn some?”
“Go for it ya crazy noodle! Ya have yer choice of ten pieces of you get a bull’s-eye.”
I walked over to a catapult, and loaded my automatic squash into it. I squinted, and pulled the leaver. KER-SPLAT! “Bull’s-eye!” I cheered.
Applejack rolled her eyes, and forked over some candy. “Ya really are just an over-grown foal at heart, aren’t ya?”
“Mmm-hmm!” I said around some butterscotch.
Applejack chuckled. “Well, don’t grow up if you don’t haffta. Have fun y’all!”
“Uh, Draco? Aren’t you supposed to save some of that candy?” Spike asked.
I quickly swallowed. “Good point. Where to next?”
“The spider toss!” This time, he dragged me to the booth. I only managed six points, but got three pieces of candy. Spike got fifteen points, and eight pieces.
I started counting. “eight… nine… ten! What’s a good ratio to keep and to give?”
“You don’t need math silly! It’s just supposed to be fun. Great costume Spike!”
“Thanks Pinkie. I love yours.”
“Awww, it’s just a little something I threw together.” She was dressed as …. as …
“OK. I give up. Who or what are you supposed to be?”
“I’m a scary snow globe! Duh!” She gave a little shake, and small paper bats flew around the plastic bubble surrounding her.
“Just threw it together, hmmm?” I asked disbelievingly.
“Yeah, it took me almost two hours! Two hours! Can you believe it?” I shook my head.
“Hold on a minute.” I said. I trailed over to Twilight and Starlight. “Have either of you seen Fluttershy?” They shook their heads. I sighed, and started to walk in the direction of the Forest. Spike, Twilight, Starlight, and Pinkie followed me.
When I got to Fluttershy’s cottage, I knocked lightly on the door. “GO AWAY!!!” Fluttershy screamed, shaking the walls of her cottage.
“Fluttershy, it’s just Draco. It’s my first Nightmare Night, and I’d like all of my friends to have fun. Can you please come out?”
“O-Ok-k-kay.” I heard the door unlocking, and she slowly opened it a crack. She saw me, let out a squeal of terror, and slammed the door.
I sighed, and pawed my candy to Twilight. “Hold this for me, will you?” She nodded. I opened Fluttershy’s door, and sprang in. There was the sound of a fight, and a snarl. I opened the door, on all fours, carrying Fluttershy by the scruff of her neck in my mouth. I gently set her on the ground, and patted her on the back. “Deep breaths, deep breaths…”
As Fluttershy continued to hyperventilate, Twilight asked, “What the hay happened in there?”
I rubbed my snout. “That bear of hers packs a punch. You OK, Fluttershy? I’m sorry I scared you.”
She nodded, her teeth chattering. “F-fine! Thanks. Just give me a minute.”
Twilight looked at me angrily. “You really think pony-napping her was the best idea? If she doesn’t want to be here, you can’t just force her! I’m one of her best friends, and I can’t get her to come out on Nightmare Night! What were you thinking ?!”
“I wasn’t. I just thought I’d like to spend some more time with all of you. All of you. I should have known a lot better, but I figured the best way to even talk to Fluttershy was to get her outside.”
Twilight’s horn sparked angrily. “When are you going to learn that your actions have consequences? It’s a good thing you don’t have magic, or we’d-”
Fluttershy separated us with her legs. “Twilight! He was fine, he didn’t hurt me, or Harry. Harry actually hurt him a bit. He just wanted to make sure I’m ok. He’s right, I should be out here. His actions were wrong, but sometimes you need to do something drastic to help ponies. I’m fine! In fact, I’m going to go have a lot of fun with all of you starting right now !” She quickly flew off. Twilight glared at me, and growled. She shoved my candy back at me, before trotting off after Fluttershy.
I hurried after them. Fluttershy was glancing around fearfully. “You know,” I said, “… I’m technically a monster, and you handle me just fine. Even with what just happened.”
“That’s because I know you’d never hurt me,” she replied, not looking up. “But sometimes I imagine things that are just too scary, especially tonight. You’re right though, I do need to start facing my fears about tonight.”
“And I need to stop doing whatever pops into my head just because it sounds good. Glad you’re doing better. Trust me, unless a bugbear shows up, I’m the scariest thing you’ll have to deal with tonight.”
Fluttershy looked at me with a slightly scary coy smile. “Are you sure? I’ve been told I’m good at scaring ponies too…”
“I can believe it. Sorry for scaring you and Harry. That bear is really protective, isn’t he?”
“I’m sorry he got you, but yes, he is very protective of me. Do you need some medicine?”
“I did break into your cottage, so I’d freak out if I was him too. I don’t need a bandage or anything, the scratch is all healed already. One of the perks of being me.”
*KABAM!*
“Yeeep!” Fluttershy and I screamed at the same time.
Rainbow Dash was rolling on the thundercloud, laughing so hard she was crying. “Draco, you are way too easy. Where’s the fun in that?”
I reached up, and was surprisingly able to pull the cloud down to my eye level. “Someday I will have my revenge…” I hissed, flicking my forked tongue out.
Rainbow smiled. “Bring it! I know you’ve got at least one good prank in you.” I nodded. Rainbow flew off towards the fair, chuckling evilly.
“That mare has a serious dark side,” I muttered. Everypony rolled their eyes.
We headed back to the square and found Rarity there as well. Rarity was in a hoof-stitched period piece, it looked like it belonged in the Renaissance. “Oh! Hello, darlings,” said Rarity. Everypony said hello back. “Draco, I wanted to thank you for helping me set up for the season, you were a lifesaver dear. I’m sure Spike was happy to take a small break.”
“I could have helped!” Spike protested.
“That was my way of making things up to both of you, I figured you’d earned a break,” I replied.
Rarity examined my costume critically. “So, that’s what you wanted those shirts for. They’re a bit snug, aren’t they?” I nodded. “Did you distress and sew them yourself?” I nodded again. “Well, your stitching style is … unique.”
I laughed. “Rarity, I’m a terrible sewer, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”
“I wouldn’t say terrible darling, I’d just say you need some practice.”
At that point, the entire sky darkened, and thunder cracked overhead. A colony of bats flew overhead. As they flew, the softly called, “Beware little ponies, for the Night Mare is coming … beware …”
I waved, and said “Hello there!” About twenty bats stared at me in surprise, before winging away. I turned to Twilight. “You didn’t tell me you had talking bats here! That is so cool!”
Twilight gave me a funny look. “We … don’t have talking bats here. They just flew overhead, chittering and squeaking. You made the same sounds back.”
I blinked in surprise.
“You … can talk to … bats?! ” Rarity said with a note of horror in her voice.
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
“Ohmigosh! What else can you talk to?!” asked Pinkie with wide eyes.
“None of the animals I’ve been around talked, so I didn’t think that animals could talk. I think it’s just bats. That’s a strange talent to have. Must be my funny ears.”
Thick fog rolled into the square. Zecora walked into the center of town. “Those who wish to last the night, should follow me for a fright. Divide your treats two and two, or the feast tonight may just be … you.” Twilight smirked at me, and nodded. I followed Zecora and the foals to the statue of Nightmare Moon.
The foals and fillies were nervously glancing around, as if they expected something to leap from the trees. They quickly placed a large portion of their candy at the base of the statue, before forming into a group. I bent down, and offered my meager sacrifice to the Princess of Darkness. I looked at the group. “What happens now?” I asked in a puzzled tone. The foals and fillies were all staring past me with wide eyes. I folded my arms, and sighed. “It’s right behind me, isn’t it?” They frantically nodded.
I glanced behind me, and saw a pony-shaped patch of darkness, tendrils of smoke snaking out of it, a wide smile that was dripping blood on its muzzle. I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think that’s overdoing it a bit?” The thing lunged at me, and knocked me to the ground, before clamping its fangs onto my neck. At that point the foals and fillies screamed, and streaked back towards town. I was screaming too. Then Princess Luna melted back into her normal form, laughing her head off.
I sat up. “I get that they asked you to scare them, but that was straight out of creepypasta. You are terrifying when you want to be, I can see why you were so good at causing nightmares for a thousand years. I hope you didn’t scar any of them.”
Luna looked thoughtful. “I … might have overdone it a bit this year, yes. I wouldn’t have actually hurt any of them, I only bit you for dramatic effect. I’ll be sure to check on their dreams for the next few weeks.” She wiped something bright blue off her mouth, and looked at it thoughtfully.
I winced, and put a paw to where she’d bit me. “That hurt.” My paw was covered with the same blue liquid as Luna’s mouth. “Oh. That’s what my blood looks like. I think you’ve taken the whole ‘creature of the night’ thing a bit too far, if you’re playing vampire now.” I grinned. “Totally worth it. I almost peed my nonexistent pants. Seriously, I’m hiding inside next year.”
Luna smiled, but looked at me with concern. “I was not aware my teeth were quite that sharp in my disguise. I didn’t hurt you?”
“Nah. I’m a fast healer. Five minutes, there won’t even be a dent. I’m fine. Thanks for a great night. You know, that night when I heard that all of the Princesses were coming to meet me, I was convinced you were going to rainbow-friendship zap me into oblivion.”
Luna’s mouth dropped open. “We would never! Not unless you were a grave threat to Equestria, and even then we wouldn’t want to, we’d just have to. If you were a threat, we’d have tried to rehabilitate you first. That night, we simply all wanted to get to know you. Twilight had assured us that you were harmless, and she spoke very highly of you. We were interested. It’s not every day you meet a new Draconequus from another realm.”
I growled in slight annoyance at a memory. “Shining Armor told me that you all were planning a sentence for me.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Shining Armor is a wonderful stallion and ruler, but he can be a bit of a troll.”
I grinned. “Look at you picking up the modern vocab!”
Luna shrugged. “I try.”
“I know I’m fun to mess with, but I was convinced that I was going to wind up on the moon. It wasn’t funny at the time. I’m going to head back, would you like to join me?”
“Yes, thank you.”
When we got back, Spike said, “They said you were dead! What happened?”
I glanced at Luna. “Somepony got a little too into her role this year.” Luan blushed, and looked at the ground, kicking a pebble with her hoof. “I’m fine, honest. I’m going to get something to eat, I think I could convince myself I’m hungry.” I spotted a Rainbow streak near one of the food stalls. Out of curiosity, I pulled out my costume bit, and flipped it. The scarred tails came up. “Actually, would you all excuse me for a few minutes?”
“Of course dear,” said Rarity.
I crept towards the Forest, keeping my eyes out. I then found exactly what I was looking for. I walked back towards the fair, sneaking up on Rainbow Dash. I then dropped something onto her.
Rainbow scratched her mane, and then looked at her hoof. “WHAAAUUGGH!” she screamed, leaping into the air, all four of her legs a blur.
I bent down, and picked something up. “This is the mountain fruit spider, it’s the only vegetarian spider in the world. Totally harmless.” I smiled evilly at Rainbow. “Just because I’m not anywhere near your league doesn’t mean I can’t prank.”
Pinkie was rolling around on the ground, her round costume was helping her roll even more. “You were, he ha! Flying without your wings, Dashie!” she managed to get out between laughs.
Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her neck. “OK. I might have overdone it on the whole scaring ponies thing. Great prank, Draco, but let’s have a truce for a bit. I hate spiders.”
“Deal. I’ll be right back, I need to put this little guy back where I found him.” I looked at Rainbow quizzically. “Do you think we could ever be friends instead of … whatever we are right now?”
Rainbow scratched her mane as she pondered the question. She then nodded. “Totally. I think we’ll just have to get used to each other first. I’m officially declaring a no spider rule from now on.”
“Thank you. Yeah, I don’t like spiders either, fair’s fair.”
“You seem fine with the one in your paw,” Fluttershy observed with a small smile.
“Weeeellll, he’s sort of cute. Catch you all later! Nice to see you again, Princess Luna.”
“And you,” Luna replied.
After dropping the spider back on his log, I walked back to the castle. I found Twilight waiting for me, a scroll dangling in the air in front of her. “Let’s see … socialized, played games, pony-napped Fluttershy, got into a fight with a bear, got Fluttershy to come out of her cottage and loosen up, helped to scare the living daylights out of the foals, albeit unintentionally, and lastly got into a prank war with Rainbow Dash, before making up with her.” She rolled the scroll up. “Sounds like you had a full night, even for you.” Her eyes narrowed. “YOU ARE TOTALLY GROUNDED!!!” she cried in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
I uncovered my ears, and with a grimace nodded, “Yes’m.”
In mid-December, Twilight came downstairs to find something she couldn’t identify. It seemed to be a giant mound of quilts, comforters, and blankets that was propped up in the middle of the library for no apparent reason. She sighed, and started to levitate them away. A black paw and arm shot out of the middle of the mound, and played tug-of-war with Twilight’s magic and the blanket “Give it back!!” two voices desperately hissed in mostly-unison.
Twilight sighed, and walked over to the mound. “Draco,” she started to say.
My head popped out of my makeshift nest. “Give it back, or I will rend your coat from your bones.” I growled. Twilight swallowed nervously at my tone, and handed the blanket back. I disappeared back into the blankets, placing the blanket back on the top.
“Draco, what’s wrong?” Twilight asked, shifting some of the blankets so she could look down at me. I gave one of my hiss/growl/click mixes, and pulled the blankets back over me. “Draco.” Twilight said in her no nonsense tolerated voice.
I pushed the blankets off of me, and gave a slightly crazed smile. “There’s no sun! None at all! It’s all just thick, horrible grey clouds! For miles! Talking to the weather team, you’d think the planet would implode if Ponyville got even that weak winter sunshine that’s too bright. Honestly, why can’t there be any daylight?”
“Do you, oh, what’s it called? Seasonal Affective Disorder?”
“What was your first clue?” snarked Starlight, who’d walked into the room in some pajamas. She walked over, and examined my hoard. “I was wondering where that went! Give. It. Back!” I desperately held onto the quilt, but her magic wormed it out of my grip. My ears drooped.
Twilight sighed one of the sighs I’d come to recognize meant I was pushing things. “Why don’t you go outside? I’m sure your lessons can wait another day, if you’re that upset.”
“Outside’s too depressing.”
“OK, that’s it!” I was pulled out of my nest, and teleported to the door. “That’s your friendship lesson for the day, get outside, and have some fun. It’ll do you a lot of good, and help save what precious little is left of my sanity. You are impossible!”
At that point, there was a knock on the door right in front of me. I opened it, and found the Cutie Mark Crusaders looking up at me. “Morning Draco!” they called with wide smiles.
“Good morning, you three. What’s up!”
“We made you all some cookies,” said Scootaloo as Sweetie Belle levitated up a plate. On the plate were things that may have been charcoal briquettes in another life. “They, uh, kinda burned.” Scootaloo continued.
“Thank you! How kind!” Twilight said. “I’ll just put them over here.”
I snapped out a paw, and grabbed a cookie. I sniffed it, and bit into it. I chewed for a minute. “Peanut-butter oatmeal?” I guessed.
“Yeah,” Scootaloo said with surprise. “You can tell?”
“Mmm-hmm. I did the same thing to cookies every year until I was over twice your age. I can teach you how to not burn them like this, if you’d like.”
“That’d be great!” said Apple Bloom. “Actually, we had a question for you, Draco. Do you want to go sledding with us?”
“YES!” Twilight screamed, slamming the door behind me.
I faced the crusaders with a nervous grin. “Sorry about that. I’m driving her even crazier than usual. If I ever get my powers, I’m granting her an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere.” I started to walk with the Crusaders. “You know, I’ve never been sledding before. This should be fun.”
Half an hour later, I pulled myself out of a snow bank, and shook the snow out of my fur like a dog. I looked around, and spotted three larges lumps of snow. I hauled the Crusaders to their hooves, and dusted the snow off of them. “Well. That was quite a ride.” We started heading back to town. “I’ve never seen a sled catch fire before.” After a pause, I said, “You’re lucky the pond hadn’t frozen.”
“Do you think we could get our sled back?” asked Scootaloo.
“Unless I turn out to be part tuna, we’re not getting it back until at least spring, if ever. Sorry. In a few minutes, I get to explain to your sisters that I nearly got you all killed. I am, technically speaking, the adult here.”
“It wasn’t your fault!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Thanks, but try explaining that to your sisters and Twilight. I’m never going to be allowed outside again.”
Surprisingly, the CMC got a bit more of a chewing-out than I did, but we were all in big trouble for the next week.
The week of Hearths’ Warming Eve, Spike found me staring dejectedly at a pile of fabric and stuffing that looked like a crazed cat had gone on the offensive. There were a few pieces of fluff stuck in my claws.
“What happened here?” Spike asked with wide eyes.
I chuckled nervously. “I’d read up on Hearths’ Warming dolls, and well … long story short … it didn’t end well.” I coughed into my paw. “I may have one or ten issues with controlling my temper.”
Spike simply raised an eyebrow, and didn’t say a word. He then walked out of the room. He returned about five minutes later, carrying a large bundle of different colored fabrics, and some more stuffing and thread. He sat down, and began to cut out shapes.
“What are you-”
Spike raised a claw. “Hush!” he said in a tone just like Rarity’s. I hushed. Half an hour of busy sewing later, Spike held something up for my inspection. It was a grey tube, with a yellow neck, with some blue fabric sewn onto the round head, and bits of shredded black and white fabric sticking out the back. There were some tubes that were the same colors as my arms sticking out of the sides, and the same for my legs. One button eye was black, the other was blue. There was a blue triangle and a yellow triangle sticking out of the head.
Spike rubbed the scales on the back of his neck, a blush showing through his scales. “Rarity taught me to sew about a year ago, and I kept it up from there.”
I held up the mini-me with delight. “It’s perfect! Looks just like me. Thank you. I’ll go put it on the mantel.” It looked a little strange next to two pony dolls and a dragon doll, but somehow it fit.
Hearths’ Warming morning, everypony came down the stairs to find me curled around the tree, my eyes closed, breathing slowly.
“Did he actually manage to get to sleep for once?” whispered Starlight.
“No.” I said without opening my eyes. “I just got bored waiting up all night for all of you, so I thought I’d rest for a bit. At least I can do that.” I slithered away from the tree, and stood up, cracking my back. “How y’all doin’?” I asked with a wide eager smile.
“Fine, thanks. I take it that the over-grown five-year-old noodle wants to open his presents?” Starlight asked with a warm smile.
I shrugged. “Sure, if you all want to.” I then frowned. “I spent the entire night watching the fireplace, and Santa Hooves never showed up. I was sort of hoping to meet a magic reindeer.”
“You know you won’t see him if you’re awake, right?” said Spike.
“Not my fault I haven’t slept in almost four months.” I muttered.
Twilight smiled, and said, “Well, I guess we can open gifts early this year. There’s a party tonight, hope you all have fun.” She gave me a Look. “It would be a great opportunity to socialize , you have heard that word before, right Draco?” I rolled my eyes. Everypony started to swap gifts from underneath the tree.
Starlight passed me something long wrapped in brown paper. I opened it, and found a ten-foot-long scarf, that was a slate grey with black and white stripes and tassels. I whistled. “This must have taken you forever !”
She shrugged. “Actually, a quick dose of autos-creatis helped it to do itself. I could have sworn I’ve seen you knitting late at night, so I thought you’d like something.”
“Three a.m. is a really boring time of day.” I passed her something semi-rectangular. “I don’t know much about these, but the salespony in the shop said that it’s the best they make.
Starlight ripped off the paper. Her jaw dropped. “Oh. My. Gosh! ” she said with a slight squeal. “The Hawkglider 3,000 with reinforced bracing and genuine spider silk string! This is the best kite on the market! Where did you get this?!”
“It took a bit of looking. I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it!” Starlight said with stars shining in her eyes.
I then passed Spike something small that was wrapped to look like a piece of hard candy. He unwrapped it. He held up a Batmane action figure, with included batfrisbee shooter. He whistled.
“A thank you for lending me your comics.”
“Thanks! It’s great. Actually, I’ve had my eyes on this one for a while. How’d you know I wanted it?” A guilty look crossed my face, but I didn’t reply. “Magic,” I said with a weak smile. I’d actually semi-stalked him to the toy store, and seen him gaze longingly at the figure many times.
“How can you afford two expensive gifts?” Twilight asked with interest.
“Uh, well, I uh, I do odd jobs around town, and it, it sort of just adds up. I think I’ve saved up about 5,000 bits.” Twilight’s jaw dropped.
Spike passed me his gift to me, I gave it a quick rattle next to my ear, and opened it. Inside was a strange-looking gem that changed color in the light. “It’s a mood-gem,” Spike explained, “When somepony’s really upset, it’s enchanted to help them calm down. I thought you could use it.”
“Heh. Yeah, I really could. Thanks buddy.”
Twilight and I held up identical rectangular packages. I raised a brow, and we exchanged them. Twilight opened hers first. It was a journal, with the word “Stories” on the cover. I looked a bit embarrassed. “Uh, sorry about them penman – the penpony ship, but you guys haven’t invented gel-pens yet, and as I said, quills aren’t my forte.” Twilight opened it, and flipped through a few pages. “I figured since you’ve most likely read every book in creation, I should make you one. You said you might like to read some of my stories. I should warn you, they’re not entirely healthy to read in one go.”
Twilight smiled. “That’s a really thoughtful gift, thank you. Here you go.” She levitated my package over. Inside was an old-fashioned bound book, entitled Equestrian Myths and Legends: A Complete Collection . “You said you liked stories,” Twilight said with a smile.
I ran my fingers over the cover. “I do, yes. Thank you. I can’t wait to start this.” After finishing exchanging gifts, everypony started to prepare for the party at the castle that evening.
As ponies started to enter and decorate the castle, I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that there was yet another impromptu musical number. It was actually pretty uplifting. Most of the ponies around town were getting used to my presence, but I was still more comfortable hanging off to the side with a mug of hot chocolate.
As I was headed for the kitchen for a refill, I overheard Doctor Whooves say to Twilight, “You really should have seen the first Hearths’ Warming! It was absolutely fantastic!”
Twilight raised a brow. “You make it sound like you were there.”
“He was,” I said, finishing off the last drop of my drink.
The Doctor looked at me nervously. “I have no idea what you’re talking abou-”
“Sneaking into your cottage from the inside of a big blue box in the wee hours of the morning isn’t exactly subtle, Lord Doctor of Gallopfrey,” I said with a smile. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. You do need to do a better job parking though. Who knows? Once I’m officially a Draconequus, I might see you, ‘Out There.’ I think I’d like that. Excuse me, I need a top up.”
As the party started to wrap up, Rainbow Dash called, “Hey! Halvsies! A bunch of us are going caroling, you want to come with us?”
“It’s not really my thing, and I did tell you I don’t sing,” I started to protest.
“Oh, really?” asked Starlight teasingly. “I hear you singing to yourself all the time. They’re pretty strange songs.”
“I am not giving up my favorite songs just because I live in a different universe now,” I huffed.
“You sounded pretty good when you sang with us that one time,” Rainbow said, “Your voice being split can do cool things. We could really use a bass, and you’re half that, right?”
I folded my arms, and smirked. “I’m not getting out of this one, am I?”
“Nope!” the whole group called with bright smiles. Rainbow then dragged me out of the castle by my scarf. As we went door to door, I got to be more comfortable with the sound of my split voice singing. With some experimentation, I realized I could sound like a digitally edited song, and after that I went all out with the group, smiling the whole way through.
When we got back to the castle, I collapsed into a couch, laughing brightly. “Have fun?” asked Twilight.
I nodded. “Actually yes. I haven’t had that much fun singing in years.”
Twilight gave me a small hug. “Happy Hearths’ Warming.”
“Happy Hearths’ Warming Twi.”
When everypony had gone to bed, I sat up, looking at the blinking lights, actually grateful I couldn’t sleep, and could make a great day last longer.
At the beginning of the new year, Twilight noticed me pacing restlessly. “What’s up? It can’t be the weather this time.”
I shook my head. I looked all around me, opened some cupboards, checked under the table, and took a few books off a shelf.
“Draco, what are you doing?” Twilight said in a bemused tone.
“Checking for Pinkie Pie. That mare’s got better hearing than I do.” I walked over to Twilight, leaned down, and whispered in her ear, “It’s my birthday. I’m twenty-two, hooray for me and all that. Please don’t tell anypony.”
Twilight beamed. “Why didn’t you tell me your birthday was coming up! We could-”
I clamped a paw over her mouth. “No. We couldn’t.” I said firmly. “I never really liked celebrating it, and all you ponies do is party. I’m not giving you an excuse to have another one, just because it happens to be the day I was born. In another universe. Far, far away.”
Twilight removed the offending paw. “You don’t even want presents? It’s your birthday , for crying out loud. Celebrate it!”
“I’ll live without presents. I prefer to celebrate it quietly; can I ask you to respect that?”
“Fine,” Twilight grumbled. “I’m still going to try and help you have a good day.”
I sighed. “Why don’t we just cover Chapter Fifteen of Spearhorn’s Advanced Magical Restructuring ? I’m learning lots of magic theory, and a bit more couldn’t hurt. Besides, I’m actually starting to find it interesting.”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. I expect exquisite notes. You know where the book is, have fun. If you’d rather stay inside and study on your birthday, that’s fine.”
“Said the black hole to the kettle. I doubt you went out much when you were young either.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. I walked into the library, and got to work. After about an hour, over the scratching of my pencil, I heard six or seven muffled voices. I wasn’t Sherlock Hooves, but it didn’t take much effort to leap to a logical conclusion.
Spike walked into the library, wearing an apron. “Hi, Draco! You want some lunch?”
“Like I couldn’t smell this set-up a mile away… Sure, I’d love some. I’ll be right there.” I finished the equation I was on, and slammed my pencil down.
As I walked into the library, I snarled, “Twilight, I said I do not want a-” Twilight was sitting in a chair on the side of the room, flipping through a book. “All right, where are they?”
“Where are who?” Twilight asked.
“Drop the act, I heard everypony talking in the hall. What part of ‘I have supernaturally good hearing’ does nopony get?” I paced the hall, examining every nook and cranny, keeping an ear out for voices. Nothing. I faced Twilight again. “As a rule, I don’t hallucinate, but I must have this time. I thought everypony was planning a surprise party, but I can see I was wrong. I’m sorry I got all huffy, thanks for respecting my wishes. You mentioned lunch, Spike?”
“Yep!” the little drake said, “Right this way.”
We headed downstairs into the kitchen. “SURPRISE!” I rolled my eyes.
Pinkie slightly defied gravity, and strapped a party hat onto my head. “Aw! Cheer up! Your birthday’s only one day a year!”
“So are three-hundred-sixty-four other days. Surely you don’t celebrate all those ?”
“No, that’d be silly. I got your favorite cake!”
“How’d you do that in under an hour?”
“Well, I took two cups of flour, three eggs, some chocolate, and-”
“I get it! Oh, alright, it’s not like you didn’t all go to a lot of trouble for this, and it is my birthday. Thank you, I’ll cheer up in a minute.”
“That’s the spirit!” cried Pinkie. She then snickered a bit. “A Spirit, having spirit! That’s hilarious!”
“Har, har.”
“Wanna play Twister?” Pinkie asked eagerly.
“Just one game, you’re too good for me.”
“I’ll take it easy on you this time, promise!”
As Pinkie wiped the floor with me at Twister, somepony dropped a record into a gramophone, and everypony started dancing. I noticed with some amusement that Rarity and Spike were dancing together.
I was hanging by the punchbowl, simply tapping my lion’s paw to the song. “Hey, Halvsies, aren’t you going to dance?” asked Rainbow Dash.
I shook my head. “You all got me to sing, but I won’t dance. I can’t dance to save my life.”
“Oh, come on, I’ll bet you can totally dance!”
I sighed, and set my cup down. I swept over to her, grabbed her hoof, and pulled Rainbow onto her hindlegs. I twirled her around so fast, she looked like a blue tornado. As her eyes were still rolling around in her head, I quickly dipped her almost to the floor, then pulled her up, and lifted her above me for a quick sweep through the air, before setting her back on all fours.
Rainbow’s mouth dropped open. “How’d you do that?”
“That was just some sped-up slow dance moves, and you’re a lot lighter than any dance partner I’ve had. I can’t fast dance at all.”
Rainbow chuckled. “Dude, you really need to stop doubting yourself. That was actually pretty cool, thanks for the dance.” I bowed formally, which made her laugh more.
“Who wants cake?!” Pinkie Pie sang.
When I walked over, she held up the cake. “C’mon! Make a wish, and blow out the candles. Twenty-two, right?”
I nodded, and blew out the candles.
“What did you wish for?” asked Starlight.
“That would be telling, but, I think I’ve already got it.”
“Are you sure you don’t want presents?” asked Spike, “It’s a little weird.”
“In a few centuries when you’re an adult, you’ll understand that it’s really just another day. Come on, I actually want to dance a bit, but don’t say I didn’t warn you all…”
As the rest of the day passed, I finally loosened up, and managed to have a great birthday.
One morning in mid-March, Twilight heard something next to her. She opened her eyes, to find me about an inch from her face.
“GAAAAHH!” she screamed.
“Morning! It’s a great morning, isn’t it? I’m so excited! This is going to be great! I’ve been waiting for this for two months! This is going to be even better than Hearts and Hooves day, not that that day made much difference in my life. Come on! Are you just going to sleep all day?”
Twilight blinked slowly. “Draco, it’s before dawn,” she croaked. “How are you this hyper, even for you?”
“It’s Winter Wrap Up!” I held up a bunch of objects. “Boots, earmuffs, scarf, winter saddle, Organizer’s vest, massive checklist, quill and ink. Did I forget anything? I tried to wake up Spike, but he sort of bit me, and went back to sleep.” I shrugged. “Fair’s fair.” Twilight groaned, and went back to sleep. I yanked the quilt off of her. “Come on!” she didn’t open her eyes, but she did zap me back into my room. “You’ll have to wake up eventually!” I called.
When the rest of the castle did wake up, I was hopping from hoof to paw with excitement.
“SomeDraconequus is excited,” Starlight said with a yawn.
“I get the sun back!! How could I not be excited for that?”
Starlight chuckled. “Some of us have to sleep, which means it takes a little longer for us to be ready in the morning. You didn’t break into Twilight’s stash of coffee, did you? Even for you, you’re pretty manic.”
“No, I’ve never really wanted to try coffee, and now I don’t actually need it. I’ll meet you all outside! Bye!” I pulled on my too-small vest, and swept outside.
When the rest of the town got outside, I said “Hello” to the ponies I was getting to know a bit. Starlight had joined Twilight on the organizing team, the two of them were nearly unstoppable together.
Since I couldn’t use magic, and couldn’t fly, I was on the Earth Pony team. It was quickly agreed that, given my klutziness, for everypony’s safety, I shouldn’t skate to break up the ice. Animals didn’t really cozy up to me, so I was on the plowing and planting team. It took a while to figure out how to hook me up to the plow. I couldn’t pull it while standing up, I was too big. Finally, I thought to just walk on all fours, and fit into the harness fairly well.
After that, we were off. I even got to lead our group’s part of the chorus with my weird singing.
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap up! Let’s plant our harvest seeds,
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap Up! To meet our town’s spring needs,
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap up! Let’s finish our holiday cheer,
Winter Wrap up! Winter Wrap up! ‘Cause tomorrow spring is here,
‘Cause tomorrow spring is here,
‘Cause tomorrow spring is here!
After the town was done ushering in spring, I asked, “OK, I’m starting to figure out the singing bit, but how do you all coordinate your dance moves that well? Do you all practice when I’m not looking?”
Everypony laughed. “It looks like you’ve gotten a lot more comfortable singing in public,” Twilight teased.
“Well, I always enjoyed singing, and being able to sing in harmony with myself makes it a lot cooler.”
Applejack walked up to me. “Well, fer lookin’ like a limp noodle, ya sure can pull yer weight. Yer row’s perfectly straight too!”
“Thank you very much.” I spotted something by the trees. “Would you all excuse me for a minute?”
I walked over, and caught Discord’s attention. He was wearing a red baseball cap, with the word, “Supervisor” stitched into it, and was busy writing on a clipboard. He looked miserable.
“What’s up? Are you helping with Winter Wrap Up?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m supposed to be giving a progress report on you, just pretend I’m not here.” He stroked his beard, and grinned. “Actually, since it’s officially spring now, I thought I’d give you this.”
He passed me a small blue flower. The ponies who spotted it screamed, and ran away. Confused, I asked, “What’s so bad about a flow- WAH-CHOO!” My whole body tingled. Discord flew into the air, writhing like a snake, clutching his sides, and laughing hysterically. I looked down. All of the colors that made me up had somehow been inverted. Given my usual color-scheme, I looked very strange indeed. I snickered twice, then started to laugh as hard as Discord.
Discord looked at me with interest. “Most ponies don’t find Poison Joke funny when it happens to them .”
“I look ridiculous ! That’s a great joke! I really just look like my opposite, which isn’t so bad. I wonder what opposite me would be like?’
Discord grinned, “I could always-”
“NO. I’m not dimension-hopping yet, but thanks for the offer.”
Discord pouted. “It’s a lot of fun, once you figure out how to do it.”
“I’m sure it is. Go give your report, you menace.”
“Flatterer.” He disappeared in a flash of light.
I picked up the flower, and buried it in the woods, before it could prank somepony else.
When I got back to the castle, Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Poison Joke?” she asked flatly.
“Eeyep.”
She sighed. “Well, the only soap we have enough of for you to take a bubble bath with is mine. I’ll go start the water.”
“Uh, it’s not that I have anything against lavender per se, it’s just that I’d rather not smell like it. I’ve got an over-sensitive nose now.”
“Well, it’s that, or wait a week until we go shopping. You’re making my eyes water, could you just go take the bath?”
I acknowledged defeat, and went upstairs and climbed into the tub. After drying myself off, I was back to my normal colors, but all my fur was puffing out ridiculously. Somehow, someway, I’ll get Discord back for this. I then grinned evilly. Besides, I’ve got all Eternity to hatch a scheme!
In late April, Twilight, Starlight, and Spike were called away to Canterlot to give a report on magically-laid traps and how to avoid them to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
Twilight was the first to arrive home that evening, Starlight and Spike had stayed behind about an hour to help the students clean up.
When Twilight walked into the castle, she stopped. She looked around. She was expecting it to be mostly empty, but every single light was turned off, and all the blinds were closed. She then heard a split voice whose tone made her blood chill slightly.
“Dear Princess Celestia,” my voices echoed from all around,
“I am writing to you to give my semi-monthly report on my student Draco.
I am somewhat concerned about him.
Although he has grown somewhat closer to the ponies around town, as well as my friends and I, he has not truly formed any genuine, close friendships with even a single pony. He handles his lessons well, and attacks them with enthusiasm, but they seem to have no effect. It’s as if he has no interest in forming close friendships.
As for the other part of his lessons, there has been no progress of any kind. He has absorbed, and even memorized, everything he has learned, but has not been able to put it to use. He still cannot perform even the simplest of magical feats, and seems to be less magical than an Earth Pony, as he cannot perform their special brand of magic either.
I am deeply troubled by his lack of progress, as he has been here, learning almost daily, for six months.
Part of me wonders if he is a lost cause.
I would appreciate any advice on the matter.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle”
“D-Draco?”
“Yes? ” I asked, my voices clashing with each other.
“Where are you?”
“Behind you .” I hissed.
Twilight shrieked, and whirled around to face me, my irises slightly glowing in the dark. “How’d you sneak up on me?”
“Pony senses aren’t worth beans.” I held out the scroll, my fist clenched and shaking. “I’m a ‘lost cause?!’ I have ‘no interest in close friendships?!’ I haven’t learned anything ?! What’re you going to do, banish me somewhere?!!” I snarled. By the end of that, my voices were clashing so badly, I sounded more like an animal than a person. I was shaking all over with anger, and clicking loudly in the back of my throat.
Twilight swallowed. “Draco, you don’t understand, that letter’s-”
“SAVE IT!!!” I roared. I shoved the letter into her hoof, and ran out the door, slamming it behind me.
After that, I just ran on all fours, not caring where I ended up. After a while, my steam ran out, and I was sitting on the bank of a river that flowed through town, although I was about a mile outside the town’s border.
I shouted at Twilight some more in my head, then at Celestia and Luna, and then at the gods for bringing me here in the first place. After a few minutes, my hatred turned inwards, and I was convinced Twilight was right, I was a lost cause, and should just give up trying. “I hate you,” I snarled at my reflection in the river. If my reflection did have the power to answer me back, it chose not to.
I heard a soft flapping of wings, and somepony landed behind me. “Hello Fluttershy,” I said without looking around.
“Oh. Um, how did you know it was me?”
“Your shampoo smells like strawberries.” I blinked as my brain caught up with my mouth. “Sorry, that came out a lot creepier than I intended. You can come a bit closer if you want, I’m not going to bite you, I’ve worked through most of it.” She cautiously came over, and sat down by me. “How’d you know where to find me?” I asked.
“Oh, Mrs. Foxingten came by my cottage, saying there was a monster in the wheat fields by the river.”
“‘Monster.’ That about sums it up.”
Fluttershy put a hoof over my paw. “You’re not a monster. Do you even know that?”
“Sometimes.” We were both silent for a minute.
Fluttershy then said, “I heard what happened. Is there anything I can do?” I shook my head. “Do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head harder. “You have to talk about it to somepony.” I scoffed. Fluttershy gave my paw a squeeze. “Just so you know, we may not be ‘B.F.F.s’, but I consider you a friend.”
“Thank you,” I said flatly. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone right now, but I genuinely appreciate your trying to help.”
“My pleasure. Just so you know, Twilight wants to talk to you.”
“I can just imagine .”
“Well, have a better evening. Stay safe. If you do want to talk, my door’s always open.” She flew off in the direction of Ponyville.
Ten minutes later, a voice asked, “Lemonade?” I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“What do you want, Discord, here to give me another lesson in chaos magic? Those don’t end well, I always annoy you into leaving. Besides, I’ll never be able to do magic.”
“I just want to talk to you,” I’m supposed to keep an eye on you,” he said as he pulled an eyeball out of my ear. I didn’t laugh. He cast the eye into the grass. “No, I’m not here to give you a lesson, I don’t think chaos magic is going to work out for you, it’s my thing. That doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to do magic, it’ll come to you, and you’ll use it better than anyone else can use that type of magic. The way it comes to you might seem like a plot device, though.”
The brick wall popped up on the other side of the river. “Hello again,” I muttered gloomily.
“You can see that?” Discord asked with wide eyes. “Without even being able to use your magic?”
“Yeah. Is it what I think it is?”
“Let’s just say, ponies and Draconequui and other species who can see it … appreciate an audience. Can you see what’s past it?”
“Nope. I’m interested in breaking it, I think that’s your thing too.”
“Are you sure you don’t want the lemonade? It always makes me feel better. Chocolate milk is so five seasons ago.” I nodded.
Discord held up a glass, and a martini shaker, giving it a good shake. He then poured some lemonade into the glass. “Shaken, not stirred is the only way to do it,” he said catching my expression. That one did get a laugh out of me.
I took a gulp of the lemonade, and nearly hacked out a lung. Discord thumped me on the back. “Alright there?”
“It’s a little strong,” I wheezed. He laughed. “It’s good though,” I said as I drained the glass.
We just sat for a moment, before Discord said, “Do you really think that cutting yourself off from society because you got your feelings hurt is the answer? It never ends well.”
I pondered that for a minute. “It didn’t end well for you?”
Discord ruffled my mane. “See! I knew you were smarter then you looked.” He then frowned, and got a slightly haunted expression. “Why do you think I tried to turn Ponyville into the chaos capital of the world? Chaos was all I had left at that point. Ponies … don’t like things that are different, and it’s a rare creature who actually appreciates pure chaos. As for the other Draconequui … they … put up with me, because I’m so powerful, and my function is necessary, but … they consider me a wild card at best. I don’t always get on with them, so yes, I can be lonely at times, and yes , after a while, I was afraid to try and make friends.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
Discord mused for a minute, then casually said, “You were a very … interesting human. You didn’t quite fit in, but at the same time, you were fine with that.”
I raked my claws into the grass, and growled slightly. “You looked me up?!”
Discord simply said, “I had to. Part of the job. Plus, I was interested in seeing what kind of person was brought here.” He chuckled darkly. “If those ponies knew what you were like under that sunny exterior …”
“Even you wouldn’t be that cruel. If not to me, then to them. I’ve mostly made peace with my past, and I’m better now.”
Discord didn’t reply to that. Instead, he said, “Take eons of experience talking to you, go back, apologize, and continue your studies. You’ve actually almost hit the nail on the head a few times, I’m surprised it hasn’t clicked already.” He then blinked. “I get that I’m supposed to be your mentor, but if you tell anypony, or anyDraconequus I bared my soul even slightly, or was this helpful, it won’t end well for you.”
“Deal. My lips are sealed.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” said Discord. Instead of some ridiculous stunt, or a flash of light, he was simply gone. It was the quietest I’d seen him.
I knew I had to head back eventually, so I decided to do it sooner rather than later.
When I got to the castle, Twilight flew up to my height, so that she could look me in the eye. Her eyes were aflame, I was worried she was going to pull her Rapidash routine on me.
“Do you know why you found that letter?” Twilight hissed in dangerous tones.
“Well, no, but I-”
Twilight pressed her snout right up against mine. “It’s because I. Didn’t. Send it! ”
“I know, but I-”
“If you ever treat me or one of my friends like that again, I’ll-”
“I’M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE, YOU DUMB ALICORN!”
I then slapped my face with my paw, and covered my eyes. I was expecting the Wrath from the Thing On High. None came. After an awkward silence, I said, “Not just for flying off the handle over the letter, but for most of the last six months. I am … immature, irresponsible, irritating, incorrigible, infuriating, and completely impossible. And that’s just the ‘I’s.’ Without meaning too, I’ve put you through a personal hell, or whatever the equivalent afterlife is on this world. I’m surprised you haven’t magicked me into another dimension. I read one letter, and go completely berserk. I had no right to act like that, and I’m sorry.”
Twilight settled back onto the ground. She sighed. “I owe you an apology too, for writing that thing. That day, you had been driving me so far up the wall we were tap-dancing on the ceiling, and it was time for my monthly report. I needed to vent, and without meaning to, I wrote that. At the time, I meant most of it, but after rereading it, I realized I was wrong. You are making progress, and you do have close friendships, even if they’re a bit quiet. The actual letter I sent is much better, I’m sure I can get a copy.”
We just stood there for a minute. Then Twilight said, “We need to work on your apologies, but I think I can accept that. Can you accept mine?”
“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry again.”
Twilight chuckled. “Well, it’s been a long, slightly horrible day. Would you like to join me in a glass of chocolate milk?”
“Sure, but do you think we can both fit?”
Twilight threw a cushion at me. “No. More. Puns! You pest!”
After the drinks, Twilight said, “I think I’d like to continue your lessons. You’re almost as fast a learner as me, so it’s nice to be able to teach so quickly.”
“I’d like that. If you’ll have me. So. Are we still friends?”
“Definitely. Since you’ll be up the rest of the night, you can summarize the next chapter of the book you’re on.” I groaned. “You owe me big-time, so I expect flawless notes. I’m thinking a two-scroll summary ought to cover that apology.”
I saluted. “Yes’m. See you tomorrow. Night.”
“Goodnight, you exasperating noodle.”
By sheer coincidence, that night’s chapter was the most difficult I’d had to read. Twilight could do revenge well.
Author's Note
Here's some more! not sign up for this level of insanity and stress.
A certain large, pretty, shy, bug-horse should be appearing next chapter.
Chapter Five: In Which I Meet the Bug-Moose
Chapter Five
In Which I Meet the Bug-Moose
About a month after the “Letter Incident,” as it came to be known, I was sitting in an armchair in the castle library, copying equations out of a spellbook in front of me. It was still slightly ironic to me that magic of all things would be math-based, especially so as the spells became more advanced. This further reaffirmed my theory that the gods had a weird sense of humor. Twilight believed that just because I couldn’t actually use my magic didn’t mean I shouldn’t get the theory down cold. I’d tried explaining to her that a Draconequus trying to learn unicorn magic might be like a fish learning to bicycle, but she’d have none of it. I think she just wanted to keep me busy, and out of trouble. It did help me not accidentally destroy things, when I was working on it anyway. She was a great teacher, and always over-answered my questions.
A whistling sound in the sky made my ears perk up. “Mail’s here,” I muttered without looking up. I then hit the dirt.
“Huh? What’re you talking abou-” *KEE-RASH!!* Twilight was so close to finishing that question.
I picked myself up, and dusted myself off. I walked over, and helped Derpy Whooves to her hooves. “My dear, they really don’t pay you enough for this hazardous a job,” I said, dusting broken glass out of her mane. It wasn’t said condescendingly, I meant every word. I was still amazed that Derpy had walked away from some “on the job” accidents I’d witnessed. For being so cheery and friendly a town, Ponyville could be a freaky-dangerous place to live in.
“Anything for me?” I begged. Derpy smiled, and shook her head. “Can’t blame a Draconequus for trying.”
Derpy stuck her head in her mailbag, and held a letter in her mouth out to Twilight, who was finishing magically repairing the window. The letter had some sort of seal on it, I thought it might be from a Princess, except they usually used dragon-fire to send mail.
“Say ‘Hi!’ to the Doc for me!” I called. Derpy waved, and flew out the (mercifully open) window.
Twilight read the letter. “Spike! Spike!” Spike ran into the room. Twilight held up the letter with a smile. “Thorax is coming!”
The little drake pumped his fists. “Eeyes! Awesome!”
My ears flicked at the name. “King Thorax? The Changeling King?” I asked.
Twilight nodded. “Yes, he’s coming here to ask friendship questions from the rest of the Changelings. They want to learn more about some of the finer details of interpersonal relationships. It’ll be great to see him.”
“Oh. Well, I hope the four of you enjoy yourselves. I’m sure Starlight will be happy to see him again. You all are pretty close.”
Twilight lightly punched my ribs with her hoof. “Come on! I’m sure Thorax would like to meet Equestria’s second resident Draconequus! I think you’d like him a lot. You two might actually have a lot in common.”
“Oh. Thank you for the invitation.”
“Don’t mention it. Actually, he’ll be here very soon. I’m going to go tell Starlight. Spike, roll out the royal welcome mat!” Spike snapped a salute, and rushed off. Twilight trotted out of the room with a smile. I glanced down and my work, and circled the answer of forty-two.
We waited for Thorax in the Thrones Room. I hung back by the far wall, I wasn’t part of Twilight’s team, and the King wasn’t here to see me. I was wondering what Thorax would be like, when a magical aura opened the door, and he walked in. My jaw dropped. Oh. My. I thought, He’s gorgeous! I had seen insects on Earth who sparkled like jewels in brilliant colors. Thorax put them all to shame. He seemed to almost glow in shades of yellow, green, purple, and orange. His long wings/tails that dragged behind him caused small rainbows to flicker around him. On his throat, three jewels like cut diamonds sparkled. His moose-like antlers were also jewel-toned, and even his fur glittered slightly. He was a walking work of art, almost like a living stained-glass window. His eyes were the deepest shade of amethyst I’d ever seen, and seemed to catch the light just right. I found my eyes tracing and retracing every part of him, before resting for an uncomfortably long time on his flank. At that point, my brain caught up with my wandering eyes. Aauugh! What are you doing?! He’s a stallion! You’re a stallion! You’re not into stallions!
Nopony had noticed my ogling, because even though it had felt like several minutes, it had in fact been several seconds. Thorax hadn’t even made it down the hall yet. When Thorax approached the thrones, he bowed formally. Twilight waved a hoof. “Thorax, there’s no need for that. Ever.”
Thorax straightened up, and rubbed the back of his head with his hoof. “Heh. Sorry. Old habits, I guess. It’s great to see you Twilight! I have so much to-” At that point, he noticed me. “Oh, wow! A Draconequus!” He rushed over, and stuck out a hoof. “Hi! I’m Thorax,” he said with a smile.
I stuck out a paw, but forgot to actually shake his hoof. “I’m uh, I’m uh, I’m, I think I’m,” My forked tongue was rolling around uncomfortably. Hey! He still has a forked tongue too! I thought randomly.
Twilight came to my rescue. “He’s sort of between names at the moment. All part of being a new Draconequus, apparently. Until he finds his name, everypony just calls him Draco.”
Thorax grasped my paw, and shook it enthusiastically. “It’s nice to meet you Draco!”
“Uh, it’s an honor to meet you, your gorgeousness – er, highness!” I quickly corrected. Thorax raised an eyebrow. I chuckled nervously. “Eh, heh heh. Well, if you’ll all excuse me, I’ve got lots of very important Draconequus duties to attend to. Busy, busy, busy, that’s me!” I made a mad sprint for my room, slamming and locking the door behind me. I almost wore a groove in the crystal floor from pacing the whole night, wondering what was wrong with me.
The next morning, Twilight knocked on my door. “You OK?” she asked in a worried tone.
“Eeyup. I’m fine.” I walked over to the window, and looked out of it. Then I looked down.
“Well, Thorax is spending the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon here, then going home to the Changeling Kingdom. I was wondering if-”
“I’d love to stay and help, Twilight, but I’ve got a list as long as my tails of things I need to do around town today!” I then dove out the window, flattening some bushes underneath me. I ran to the edge of the Everfree Forest, and climbed a tree, which I stayed in until dusk.
I returned home after dark, trailing mud and leaves. Twilight was furious. “Where have you been?! Do have any idea how worried we all were? You can’t just …” she sighed. “Where were you?”
“In the Forest.”
“You were in the Everfree Forest all day?!”
I rolled my eyes. “Barely. I was only five trees past the outer edge, not exactly the most dangerous part of the Forest. If I’d gotten into trouble, I would have come home with my tails between my legs. I’m not exactly helple-”
Twilight held up a hoof. “Just. Stop.” I stopped. Twilight sighed, and rubbed her temples. “Let’s … start over.” I nodded. Twilight continued, “I freely admit that I sometimes miss social cues, and the ones I do pick up on I can misinterpret.” She paused. “Are you acting so strangely, well, stranger than usual, because you’re attracted to Thorax?”
I swallowed, my mouth dry. “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m – I mean it’s all a matter of perspective – There are a lot of – And anyway, who can say – Yes.” I finished. I cringed.
Twilight lightly touched my paw. “Are you uncomfortable with the fact that you’re attracted to him? Your behavior was pretty extreme.” I nodded, my cheeks red. Twilight smiled. “It’s ok to be attracted to somepony, or even someling. We don’t always pick the ponies we like.”
I nodded again. “Believe me, I know that. It’s just that my parents back home wouldn’t have exactly been thrilled about my being in a same-sex relationship, even though they would have supported it, and, well, it makes me uncomfortable. That, and we’re entirely different species.” I sighed. “He is good looking, though. He’s so nice! I just …” my voices trailed off.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Promise me you’ll think twice before jumping out of a second-floor window. Those bushes are going to take weeks to grow back. I’m surprised you even left the roots.”
I nodded, and went through the motions. “Cross my hearts and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
“I heard that! ” came Pinkie Pie’s disembodied voice.
“How does she do that?” I muttered.
Twilight looked at me, and simply said, “So. You’re attracted to Thorax.” With that pronouncement, she walked off.
I sighed again, and stalked down to the kitchen. I didn’t physically need sleep anymore, but the human part of my mind still enjoyed it, and I honestly found it a luxury. While flipping through an old recipe book in the library, I’d come across a recipe for a sleeping draught. By quadrupling the required dose, I could actually get a decent night’s sleep.
After downing the potion, and cleaning the dishes I’d used, I went upstairs and curled up in bed. While waiting for the potion to kick in, I heard distant conversation. Even with my bat-powered hearing, I couldn’t make out what was being said. Twilight’s muffled voice spoke for a while. I was able to make out Spike shouting “WHAT?!” followed by Twilight’s voice, and more soft conversation. Twilight spoke for several minutes, followed by a faint “fwoosh!” Twilight had sent a letter, I didn’t know why, or who to. I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.
At breakfast the next morning, Spike kept staring at me. The problem with actually managing to sleep at night was that I was very tired the next morning, almost as if the sleep was trying to catch up.
Starlight cleared her throat. “So, how are you?”
“Fine,” I said gloomily. I stirred another spoonful of sugar into my oatmeal, and continued to pick at it, I couldn’t talk myself into eating.
“T-hup!” Spike hiccupped. His cheeks bulged, and he clutched his stomach.
“You OK there Spike?” I asked.
“UURRRRPPPP!” A scroll shot out of Spike’s mouth.
“Oh. Right. Dragon-fire mail.”
Spike held the scroll up. “It’s from Cadence!” He held the scroll out to me. “It’s for you Draco!” he said with surprise.
“Really? I never get mail.” I sliced open the scroll with a claw.
Draco,
A matter has come up that I require your assistance with. Enclosed is a ticket, please take the 2 P.M. train to the Crystal Empire. You should arrive at eight. Looking forward to seeing you,
Mi Amore Cadenza Armor,
Princess of Love
I held up the golden ticket. “I get to go to the Crystal Empire tonight! I wonder what’s going on? May I go?”
“Draco, you’re my student, but you’re not a foal. Mostly. Of course you can go! You do have free will and all that. Best of luck!”
“Thanks Twilight!”
I arrived at the station early. I only got one nervous look, ponies around town knew I wasn’t about to turn them into hot fudge or something. The train rolled into the station with its ear-splitting shriek. I pawed my ticket to the conductor, and boarded.
As the train rocketed through Equestria, ponies who were from other stops stared at me in shock as they boarded the train. I guess my existence wasn’t wide-spread news, for which I was somewhat grateful. I ignored the stares, and watched the passing scenery with interest. I’d never been out of Ponyville before.
Arriving at the Empire Station, I walked casually through the permanent blizzard. The cold never bothered me anymore. Passing through the magical barrier was a surprise to witness, the Empire was actually warm and green. I meandered towards the Palace, glancing around at the sparkling buildings. Upon arrival at the Palace gate, I was met with the business ends of several spears.
“Whoa! Guys! I come in peace!” I proffered the letter. “I’m here at the bequest of Princess Cadence.”
The Captain of the Guard gave me a skeptical look, but read the letter anyway. “Hmm. Everything appears to be in order … Mr.?”
“Draco.”
“This way please.” I was quickly swept into the Palace. “The Princess will be with you as soon as she is able.” With that, the guard let. I sat down, and waited.
“Hey! Draco!” called a familiar voice.
“Shining! Hi!” Shining walked over, and gave me a light bro-hoof. I chuckled at his unkempt mane. “Flurry Heart still keeping you up nights?”
Shining laughed. ‘You have no idea! I love my daughter, but some days, that filly of mine … Have you ever thought about having kids?”
I gave a sudden start. “Well, maybe. One day.” I rubbed the back of my head. “I’m not sure I’d make a good father. Also, I’d like to fall in love first.”
Shining put a leg around me. “Tell you what,” he said warmly, “When you do have kids, if I’m still alive then, I’ll throw a Crystalling for them.”
I smiled. “Promise?” He nodded. A thought struck me. “What does Cadence want with me?”
Shining snickered. “Oh, you’ll see.”
I was about to ask what that meant, when the door behind me opened. “Draco! Hi! Hurry, come in!” called Cadence. I walked into Cadence’s office. He levitated a tuxedo jacket and dress shirt up to me. “Here, I think this is about your size, I’m sorry if it’s off. Oh, I’m really sorry, I know you’d like some, but pants are kind of rare in Equestria.”
“I’ve noticed that,” I said drily, taking the tux.
“Put that on quickly, we’re running late as it is,” Cadence said in one rush. “Do you need any help?”
“Nah,” I said while buttoning up the shirt, “I’m used to having to dress up, it’s kind of nice to do it again.” As I was tying the bowtie, I asked, “So what is up that requires a trip to the Crystal Empire and my wearing a tux?”
Cadence beamed. “I am treating you to dinner in a nice little restaurant in the Empire!”
“You needed me to come all the way up here for a dinner ? Hmm. This is a little bit big on me,” I said as I examined my loaned outfit.
“I can’t pull of this dinner without you, trust me,” said Cadence. “Sorry about the outfit, it’s the best I could do short-notice.”
“It’s fine.”
Cadence smiled, and pushed me out the door. What was it with mares and dragging and pushing people everywhere? “The reservation is for 8:30, so there isn’t much time.” We came to a restaurant near the outer edge of the empire: The Crystal Eatery . I smirked at the name. Cadence said, “The reservation is under Cadence: party of two. Everything’s been paid for ahead of time, so eat whatever you want. If you’ll wait here, I need to do something.” In a flurry of wings, she was gone.
From the opposite direction came a loud buzzing, and somepony a bit large landed behind me. I turned, and saw Thorax staring at me. He was also wearing a tux, his was slightly too small. “Er … Draco, right?” Thorax asked.
“Uh, yes. What’re you doing here?”
“Cadence asked me to dinner for two,” Thorax said in a puzzled tone.
“Uh, me too. Wait a minute . You, invitation, 2 tuxes, nice informal restaurant, Cadence disappears, Twilight sent a letter last night …” I facepawed, hard. “So help me, I’ll gut those two mares,” I muttered softly.
“Pardon?” Thorax asked.
I sighed. “I … may have mentioned to Twilight that I’m … attracted to you. She obviously sent a letter to Cadence, and Cadence ambushed us into a date.” I groaned. “Listen, I am so sorry you were dragged all the way up here for this.” I turned back the way I’d come, and headed for the Palace. “I am going to tell her exactly what I think of her meddling in other pony’s-”
I felt a hoof on my shoulder. Most ponies couldn’t reach that high. I turned back, and saw Thorax behind me. Even though he was only slightly over half my height, he had a good reach on him. “It’s … a nice restaurant,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I’d hate to waste a perfectly good, free reservation.”
I blinked in surprise. “Are you … agreeing to date me?” I asked slowly.
Thorax nodded. “I could tell you were attracted to me when we first met,” he said with a mischievous smirk, “It helps to be able to sense emotions. Yours were a mess. Changelings aren’t very pick when it comes to relationships, or the genders of relationships, and I’d honestly like to give this a try.” He looked at me quizzically. “Does it bother you that I’m a stallion?”
“Not exactly. It’s just that neither of my species thought they’d be attracted to ponies, and well … I didn’t think I’d be attracted to stallions. It’s just a bit strange for me is all.”
Thorax grinned. “Well, it’s only our first date, so how about a compromise?” In a flash of green fire, a tall mare stood before me. She was a bright green, with a long, curling yellow mane. Her eyes were a deep amethyst. Her cutie mark was a blood-red heart. She was pretty close to Thorax’s genuine color scheme. The mare stuck out her hoof. “Monsieur Draco, I’m Ami de l’Espirit. It’s nice to remeet you.”
“Uh, likewise,” I said, shaking her hoof. “You don’t have to do this, it’s fine.”
She smiled, “Well … I could do with a break from being a king for a night.”
“You speak Prench?” I asked with interest.
She shrugged. “Only a few words.”
I worked out a rough translation of the alias in my head. “‘Spirit’s friend’ is and odd choice for a name. What made you pick that?”
Ami inclined her head. “Well, you are a Sprit. At least that’s my understanding.”
“Oh. Well, thank you. I’m flattered. Shall we?”
After checking in at the front, we were ushered to a corner table. “I should give you fair warning in case you want to flee now,” I said as I opened the menu, “I have almost no experience so I’m horrible at dating. Hmm… I’m fairly certain that if I tried to order meat in a pony restaurant, I’d get us both kicked out.”
“Ami” was eyeing the menu. “Well, I almost exclusively eat love, but the crystal greens salad looks good. She forgot herself for just a second. Hearing Thorax’s voice come out of a mare’s moth made me shriek with laughter. Most of the restaurant stared, I’d never had what could be called an “indoor laugh.”
The waiter came over. “Is everything alright sir?”
“Fine!” I handed the waiter our menus. “I’ll have a baked potato with butter and cheese, and my date will have the crystal greens salad with?”
“Poppy-seed dressing,” Ami supplied.
I broke into a broad grin. “A man after my own hearts!” The waiter raised an eyebrow at my odd choice of words, but thankfully didn’t say anything before heading for the kitchen with our orders.
Ami chuckled. “Are you always this … goofy?” she asked.
I nodded. “Usually, yes. When I’m in a good mood. It’s probably really irritating.”
Ami shook her head. “No, it’s actually kind of cute. I’ve been told I can be goofy too.” Our food arrived. I inhaled my potato in ten minutes flat. Surprisingly, “Ami” was as fast an eater as I was, and kept up with me almost bite for bite.
Our waiter came back to ask us something, and his mouth dropped open. I don’t think he’d ever seen two ponies eat that fast. “Er … would either of you like dessert?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you, I got plenty. My compliments to the chef.” I turned to face Ami. “Would you like anything?”
She shook her head. “I don’t need to eat very much.”
Because I hadn’t known Cadence’s “matter” was going to be an ambush date, I’d brought along an emergency stash of bits. My mane was too short to hide them in the way ponies did, so I usually wore them in a pouch around my neck. Few ponies would try to rob a fully-grown Draconequus, even if I was pretty powerless. Thankfully, at the present moment, I was wearing a jacket. With pockets! After a while, I’d gotten used to having to walk around naked, but it was still weird, and it made basic things like pockets seem like a luxury.
I pulled the pouch out of my pocket, and gave the waiter a generous tip. “Sorry for the trouble,” I said sheepishly.
The waiter smiled. “No trouble at all sir,” he said in a friendly tone. “You two enjoy your evening.
Ami and I were a few feet out of the restaurant when I tapped her on the withers. She glanced up at me. “Err …” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I really appreciate you changing forms just because of my insecurities, it was very kind of you, but could you go back to being a stallion? You’re a lot hott – er, I mean I like the real you better than a façade for my benefit.”
I facepawed. With that little Freudian slip, I’d stuck both my paw and my hoof in my mouth. Give me a crowbar, I could probably fit another limb in here. Yeesh. I’d never been single-minded that way in my life.
There was a faint “Fwoosh!” “Better?” asked Thorax, back in his bug-moose cuteness.
“Much, thanks.” I laughed. “That tuxedo really doesn’t fit you, your highness.”
Thorax smirked. “Back at you. Please drop the ‘your highness’ stuff, tonight I’d just like to be Thorax.”
“As you wish,” I said with a flourishing bow. I then twirled around, and examined my outfit. “Yeah, not being pony-shaped, and being twice most pony’s height makes it hard to find clothes in my size. I think this is a 4XL. Wish I could afford to custom-order stuff, but even my hoard isn’t that big.”
“Can’t you just magic up clothes if you want them? You are a Draconequus.”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
Thorax’s brow creased. “Do you have magic? I haven’t seen you use any at all the two times I’ve met you.”
“Actually, yes. Twilight and Discord tested that fairly early on. Apparently, in terms of raw power, I slightly outclass Discord, but,” I shrugged, “I can’t even use it to brush my teeth. For the moment, it’s sort of locked away inside me. No matter what way I try and use it, I can’t access it.” I smiled humorlessly. “I have god-like levels of power, but at the same time, your average unicorn foal can do much more impressive things than me. It’s slightly ironic.”
“Huh,” was all Thorax said.
“Sorry, I’m blathering on about myself, and I hate the sound of my voice.”
Thorax’s head tilted. “Why?”
“It’s annoying
It’s annoying.”
I said, heavily emphasizing the difference between the two aspects of my voice.
Thorax smiled, and put a hoof on my shoulder. “I like it,” he said warmly.
“Really? Why?”
“It sounds like two opposites working together to form a whole.”
“Huh. I never thought of it in those terms, I can see what you mean. I still think I sound like a clichéd villain from a badly-written story.” I carefully ignored the brick wall that appeared in my peripheral vision when I made a statement like that. If I ignored it, it always went away. Now that I had a fairly good idea what it was, it didn’t bother me as much.
Thorax chuckled at my words. “Maybe. It does sound like a male version of Chrysalis, but in a cool way.”
“Thank you for that anti-compliment. So, dinner went much faster than I thought it would. The evening’s still very young. What would you like to do?”
Thorax shrugged. “What sounds good to you?”
“I’ve never visited the Empire before. Would you like to explore?” Thorax nodded, with a happy, adorkable grin. I gave him a thoughtful, slightly odd look.
“What?” he asked.
“Well, it’s just that you’re a King, and a male, but you only come up to my mid-chest. To me it’s a bit weird to literally talk down to you. It doesn’t feel respectful.” I snapped my fingers. “I know!” I dropped down to a quadruped stance. I was now twice as long as Thorax, and only about two inches shorter than him.
“Uh … you really don’t have to do that,” Thorax said, looking at me like I was crazy.
“You were nice enough to change genders for me. I’m allowed to do something crazy in return. I kind of enjoy walking like this anyway. Besides, you look good from this angel.”
Thorax rolled his eyes, and sighed wearily. I seemed to have that effect on most ponies, and now I seemed to have it on Changelings as well. We started walking around the Empire, taking in the sights. Thorax was an excellent tour guide, I had forgotten he’d lived here with Cadence and Shining for a few months between being found and his ascension. It was a lengthy tour, the Empire was slightly small, but there was a lot to see. Thorax did most of the talking, I mostly asked questions.
After the tour, we wound up walking along the bank of a river that wound through the Empire and down into the Frozen North. Inside the barrier, it was running smoothly, outside the barrier, large chunks of ice took up most of it.
Thorax paused, and sat down on his hindlegs, admiring the beautiful evening. I got off of all fours, and sat up next to him. I leaned my head on one of his withers trying not to poke him with my horn. I don’t know why I did it, but it felt right. Thorax didn’t object, he simply rested his head on top of mine, being careful not to poke me with his horn and antlers.
After a while of sitting comfortably in silence, he said, “You know, for spending an evening trying to get to know one another, you’ve barely talked about yourself. I wouldn’t mind hearing more. What’s it like to be a Draconequus?”
I gave a slightly hollow laugh. “I’ll let you know, when and if I ever find out. I’m not exactly a fully-fledged Spirit yet, I’m very tied down to the mortal realm. Actually, if you really want to know more about me, I’m not a Draconequus, at least not originally, I’m really an alien lifeform for an alternate universe. One morning I woke up to find that I was pulled here and turned into a Draconequus because the gods apparently thought I might be useful somehow. I don’t know why they thought it.”
As I was coming clean, Thorax’s jaw had dropped open. I waved a paw airily. “It’s a long story, we don’t need to go into it now. It’s not exactly ‘first date’ material. I probably shouldn’t have told you even that much. My mouth tends to run off. A lot.” I grinned at him. “Still want to date me?”
Thorax was silent for several minutes. Then he grinned back. “Wwweeellllll…” I chuckled.
I put an arm around him. “Actually, just out of curiosity, why did you agree to date me in the first place? Aside from not bringing down the wrath of Cadence? We only met for,” I calculated quickly, “One minute and thirty-four seconds, if memory serves. I then completely avoided you for almost two days. I was a complete jerk. What could have attracted you to me from all that ?”
Thorax moved a little closer to me. He laughed as he thought about it. “I honestly don’t know. I just … liked you. It’s not every day you meet a Draconequus. Your stutter was kind of cute too. Usually I’m the one who’s tongue-tied around new ponies. I just … I don’t know really. I guess I just was attracted back to you for some reason. Do you believe in love at first sight?”
I snorted. “Nah. In the first place, we’ve only know each other for about three hours, so I wouldn’t qualify us as ‘in love’ yet. In the second place, ‘love at first sight’ only happens in Disneigh movies. If this was a Disneigh movie, we’d both have broken into a romantic song and dance act (not that that’s unusual in this universe) and any second now a clock would be chiming midnight.”
*CLICK!**WHHHIIIIRRRRR* *DONG! DONG! DONG! …*
As the Empire clocktower continued to chime midnight, I sighed. “Sometimes, I swear the gods have it in for me. They’ve certainly got a great sense of irony.” I lifted my head, and looked Thorax in the eye. “Do you want to head back?”
Thorax pushed me head back down onto his wither, and put a leg around me. “Not yet. We could stay and talk some more. It really is a beautiful night.”
“OK , but I should warn you, I am just enough of a Sprit that the only way I can manage to ever sleep is by taking a technically lethal amount of a sleeping potion. This could be a really long night.”
“That’s OK,” Thorax said. We did say by the river, and we talked about this, and that.
Eventually, after several yawns, Thorax fell asleep. I laid my jacket over him. It was oversized enough that it could serve as a substitute blanket. Thorax actually snuggled into it in his sleep. Sheesh. If he was any cuter, I’d need several shots of insulin. Even his snore is adorable.
I watched him sleep for a while, and then carefully wound around him like a giant, furry snake, purely to help keep him warm of course. Amazingly, I didn’t wake him up. I just listened to him breathing quietly, and laid and thinking about nothing, and everything at once. As the night passed, I looked up at Luna’s beautiful hoofiwork, and started to count the stars.
Author's Note
Short chapter is short.
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Chapter Six: In Which I Earn My Cutie Mark. Sort Of.
Chapter Six:
In Which I Earn My Cutie Mark. Sort Of
Thorax started to stir around dawn. I unwound from around him. “Morning.”
Thorax yawned widely, flicking his tongue out a few times. “You really don’t sleep, do you? I had the strangest dream. A giant furry boa constrictor was slowly crushing me to death as it whispered sweet nothings into my ear.”
I chuckled nervously. “Heh. I uh, might be able to explain that one…”
“Then Princess Luna showed up, and started laughing so hard I thought she’d burst.
“That one, I can’t explain.”
Thorax stretched like a cat. He stood up, and gave his wings a few buzzes to wake them up. He then stiffened, and his eyes went wide. “Oh, no. Did we …?”
I scoffed. “On the first date?! Heaven forefend. I was a perfect gentlecolt.” Thorax relaxed as his memory of last night started to return. “I’m very sorry, a bed would have been better, but it had been a long night, and I didn’t want to wake you. You weren’t too cold?”
Thorax shook his head. “Actually, no. It’s fine by the way, even I’ve had to sleep outside before. All part of being a Changeling.”
I retrieved my jacket, and slung it over my shoulder. “Shall we head back? We probably should have been back hours ago.”
Thorax nodded. When we arrived at the Palace, Cadence was waiting. Since I rarely wore clothes, it didn’t bother me to take off my tux and paw it back to her. “Sorry about the grass stains on both tuxes. It was an interesting night.”
“It’s … fine,” Cadence said hesitantly, with a slightly phony smile. She then genuinely smiled. “So, how was it?”
“Really nice, actually. We had a nice dinner, he gave me the grand tour of the Empire, we stayed out late talking, Moosey fell asleep, and I watched the stars for the rest of the night.”
Cadence smirked evilly. “And? ”
“And nothing . Sorry to spoil any clopfic fantasies of yours.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked.
I waved a paw. “Nothing relevant, forget I brought it up. Seriously, forget it, it’s horrible.”
“Wait a minute,” Thorax said as his brain processed the conversation, “Moosey?! ”
I smirked. “If we ever become coltfriends or more than that, that’s what I’m calling you. You have no say in the matter.” I smiled, showing off my half-set of fangs. “I can think of far worse nicknames, believe me.” I then tackled him in a bear hug, which, given my two bear arms, was kind of literal. Thorax squeaked in surprise. “Thank you for a wonderful night! You’re amazing! (and completely cute, but that’s not important right this second.) *Ahem.*”
I faced Cadence. “I’ll deny I ever said this, but thank you for helping me to get over myself. It means a lot, and made a big difference.” Cadence nodded, a warm smile on her muzzle. “Now, I know the two of you have kingdoms to run, and I have a train to catch back home…”
“Ticket!” called Cadence, levitating my round-trip ticket over.
“Oh. Right. Duh.” I grabbed the ticket. I faced Thorax. “If you’d ever like to go on a second date, my current address is the Castle of Friendship, Ponyville. Unless I suddenly develop a personal realm, that’s not likely to change, and I’ll let everypony know when and if it does. Au revoir!”
As I was rushing to the station, Thorax flew overhead, and gave a cheery wave, that same adorkable smile on his muzzle. I boarded the train, and settled in for the long ride home. As the train chugged southwards to Ponyville, I had the stupidest grin on my muzzle, and was humming some old Earth love songs.
When I got to the castle, I found Twilight waiting for me. “So, how was it?” she asked with a sly grin.
“NEVER INTERFERE IN MY LOVE LIFE, OR LACK THEREOF AGAIN!” I bellowed. Twilight took a few steps back. “Sorry, I need to work on my ‘indoor voice.’ I get that your sister-in-law is the Princess of Love, and that you and she were only trying to help, but you and she are way too eager to play matchmaker. You can’t just ambush someDraconequus into a date just because they say they’re attracted to someling! There’s a lot more to a relationship than just basic attraction!”
“Even I know that,” Twilight said. Shen then smirked. “But , how was it?
I smiled, and sighed happily. “Wonderful. I swear, he’s perfect.” Spike stuck a claw in his mouth in the ‘you make me sick’ gesture. I looked at him. “Oh, you’ll feel this way about somepony too someday, don’t worry.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but I won’t be all mush and goofy like you .”
I gave Spike a wide, evil, lazy smile. “One word: Schmarity.”
Spike’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. “H-how do you know about that? We haven’t had a Guy’s Night the whole time you’ve been here! Did Discord-?”
“Discord kept his word. He’s a rude, interfering, inconsiderate, semi-sadistic pest , but he’s not a liar. Some of the time, anyway. When it suits him. I have half a beard, two hearts I’m very clever, and I just know things. Don’t question it.” I then examined Twilight. “Judging from your frazzled mane, the dark circles under your eyes, and the overpowering smell of coffee, I deduce that you had one of your infamous study sessions while I was away last night.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it,” he muttered.
“So, which mystery of the universe did you unravel this time?” I teased.
Twilight beamed. “Actually, I think I might have figured out you!”
“Really,” I said drily.
Twilight levitated an enormous stack of scrolls and papers over to me. “Yes! I spent part of last night going over all of your notes from the past several months. When it comes to just the scholarly theories, you’ve got an impressive understanding of the intricacies of magic. (I’m a great teacher.) But you can’t actually use Alicorn/Unicorn or Harmony magic. At all. When Discord can be somewhat serious, he tries to teach you Chaos magic, but you can’t use that either, because it’s just not in your nature.” She looked at me with a broad, and only slightly crazed smile. “So, around the fifth cup of coffee, it hit me: what if you tried to combine them, and use both Harmony Chaos magic at once?!” She beamed, and clapped her hooves together excitedly.
“Huh.”
“What?”
“Oh, it’s just something Thorax said about my voices last night while he was showing me around. He said that they were like opposites working together to form a whole, and I love binary opposites, so I took it as a compliment. Harmony and Chaos magic, are certainly opposites, but they do form a complete example of magic. Wouldn’t Harmony and Chaos magic cancel each other out though?”
Twilight shook her head. “Not necessarily. They have a lot more in common than most ponies think. If you research it, it’s quite surprising. Ponies just aren’t built to naturally use Chaos magic, so we don’t always think about it. Both kinds of magic have the same end goal in mind as they’re being used, they just approach it from opposite sides. Because ponies can’t really use Chaos magic, nopony’s ever tried to use both types of magic at once before. Think of what could be learned from this if it’s successful!”
I raised an eyebrow. “So, according to your theory, in order to say, levitate a glass of water, I’d have to be thinking two completely different things at the same time?”
Twilight nodded. “I didn’t say it would be easy, I just said it might work for you.”
“Might. That’s reassuring!”
Twilight waved a hoof. “Worst case, you blow something up. It’s not like I’ve never done that while experimenting.”
“‘Blow something up.’ Given my levels of power, that could be Ponyville.”
“I am almost certain that won’t happen.”
“Okay, but I’m not explaining to the Princesses why ‘The Friendliest Town in Equestria’ is now a smoking crater.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Wait. What did you say? Levitating a glass of water? That’s brilliant! Levitation is one of the most basic of spells, so it should be perfectly safe, even for you!”
She dashed off, and returned with a glass of water. Spike in the meantime, had put on a hoofball helmet, and tied a pillow to his stomach, and another to his back. He was hiding behind an overturned table. Starlight was hiding with him, chewing her hooves.
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Now, you do understand how levitation works, right?” she asked somewhat patronizingly.
I growled in annoyance. “Twilight, by this point in my studies, I’ve got enough magical theory down that I could potentially turn Equestria inside out if I wanted to.” There was a crash as Starlight and Spike dove for the same patch of floor. “Yes , I know how levitation works,” I snapped, “I just can’t manage to actually do it! Besides, combining two opposing types of magic in my head is going to take some very creative thinking.”
Twilight ignored my outburst, set the glass on the floor in front of me, and looked at me expectantly.
I sighed, and started concentrating. OK. So as far as I understand it, Harmony/Unicorn magic involves drawing on the natural magic that flows throughout the world, and bending that magic to achieve a desired result. According to Discord, Chaos magic involves drawing on your own power, and then forcing reality to accept your end result. Can you even combine the two? They seem totally different. Actually, they both involve drawing on a source of power to achieve a desired result. For being opposites, they’re actually pretty similar. Most opposites are if you stop and think about it. OK, stop overthinking this, and concentrate!
I focused on the glass in front of me. I then tried to draw on both my power, and the natural power around me. I asked/commanded reality to raise the glass, while visualizing the glass levitating in my mind. All these different thoughts at once gave me a slight headache, which started to wear off right away.
To my surprise, my horn started to tingle slightly. It felt hot and cold at the same time, which shouldn’t have been possible. I tried feeding these feelings into each other to see what would happen. An unfamiliar aura surrounded the glass, it looked very strange. Half of it looked like a black shadow, and the other half was like a bright white light.
The glass quickly shot up, and hovered at about arm height for me. I reached out, and took it. When I stopped concentrating on the levitation, the half-‘n-half aura disappeared. I realized that it was my magic aura. I blinked in surprise.
A wide grin split my muzzle. “I-I did it! I can’t believe it worked!”
Twilight beamed at me with sparkling eyes. “I knew you could do it! How’d you finally manage it?”
“It was a bit easy. I just had to think in terms of opposites, actually. Harmony/Chaos, up/down, stuff like that. It’s sort of cool to think of magic in terms of dualities, and somehow that works!” I drank the water.
Mmm. I forget even the tap water’s better in Equestria. I know Spike is probably thrilled I didn’t blow up or flood the town just by raising a glass of water. Ooh! Spike! He is a baby dragon, even though he’s only about seven years younger than me, which is a bit weird. Baby dragon. Hmm… I pulled at my half-goatee, thinking about something. I wonder… I thought.
I grinned evilly as I focused on a result. I snapped my fingers. In a flash of light, the table shattered, and a fully-grown dragon filled most of the room He had a long green beard, and was wearing dragon-sized glasses. He looked several centuries old.
Spike looked down at the floor from his new height. “Starlight?” he croaked with wonder. Another finger snap, and Spike dropped to the floor, back to his normal age.
Twilight’s jaw almost hit the floor, and she stammered for a minute before saying, “You went from basic levitation to an age spell ?! Do you have any idea how advanced that is?”
I nodded, “Yes, I know it’s hard to pull off, but I just had to think of the old/young duality and it worked. For my next trick…” I snapped, and put the table back together. “Ta-da! Broken/whole.” I smiled a bit crazily. “Why, in all these months did I never think to define things by their opposites?! It just makes so much sense that way!” I pointed to the far wall. “Here/there!” There wasn’t a flash of light, or any special effects, I was simply at the other end of the room. I glanced out the window, and started to mess with the sun and moon. “Day, night, night, day. This is awesome!”
If Twilight’s jaw had been any lower, it would have been in the basement. “T-that’s that’s Discord level magic!” she stammered.
I shrugged. “I am a Draconequus, and you and Discord said I had a lot of power. I didn’t think it would be this easy to pull things off.” My eyes widened. “Uh-oh. I’d better go and apologize to the Princesses for that.” The next moment, I was in the Throne Room of Canterlot Castle. The Sister were surprised see me teleport. “Hi,I’msorryformessingwiththesunandmoon,I’mstilllearning,bye!” I said in one breath. I was gone again.
I sporadically teleported all over Equestria, just to see the sights I hadn’t yet, although I didn’t stay anywhere for more than a few seconds. I was nearly eaten by monsters three times. I then ended up in the garden outside the Changeling Hive. Thorax had gotten back to the Hive before I got back to Ponyville, and was busy holding court. I was right behind him, and because my teleportation didn’t have obvious special effects, he hadn’t noticed me yet.
Despite his size, I picked him up and cradled him. He yelped in surprise. “Hiya, Moosey! I have magic now, I can use it now! Watch this!” I turned the Hive from something flowery and semi-organic to something that resembled a space station.
The Changelings noticed, and murmured in shock. I snapped again. “Don’t worry, I put everything back exactly as I found it! I can make what I imagine real, that is epic!”
Thorax managed a weak smile. “That’s … great, Draco! I’m really happy for you. Can you please put me down now?”
“Oh! Sorry.” I set him back on his hooves.
Thorax rubbed the back of his neck, a blush showing through his fur. “Err … could you not call me ‘Moosey’ in front of the other Changelings?” The Changelings who heard this snickered. “I – uh don’t mind it if it’s just us though. Hmm. I’ll have to come up with something to get you back for that nickname. I’m so glad you finally figured out how to use your magic, Draco.”
“Thanks! I am too. Huh. I’ve just got this feeling about myself, that Draco doesn’t quite fit me anymore.” Unseen by me, my eyes flashed white. I grinned, happily, and slightly stupidly, and started to chuckle. “EUREKA! I’VE FINALLY GOT IT!”
I snapped my fingers, and in a flash of light, the mane six, Starlight, Spike, and Discord appeared in front of a nearby bush. Discord was wrapped in a yellow towel, with a pink shower cap that still had suds on it, I guess I’d caught him at a bad time.
Pinkie’s eyes grew wide. “Wow! You can do teleportation stuff now?”
“Yeah, he just figured it out five minutes ago,” Twilight snarked.
I ignored that, and raised my arms, overdramatic as always. “Mares and gentlecolts, fellow Draconequui, Changelings of all shapes and sizes; I have an announcement. I’ve finally earned my name! I’m Secundus, the Spirit of Duality!” I smiled so widely, I thought my face would tear in two.
Discord scoffed. “Well, it’s about time you figured that out! I could have told you that the day you made that speech after your song and dance act that day! It’s been months !” He snapped his talons, his clothes disappeared, and his fur dried. He looked at Twilight. “Honestly! Foals today! When I was young, a Draconequus knew its name as soon as it could talk.” He sighed theatrically.
“You knew that long ago?” I asked in slight shock.
“Well, I’ve been around for eons, so my educated guesses have gotten to be really good. However, I couldn’t have told you because ‘He has to find it on his own, free will, strict noninterference policy, red tape, yada, yada, bleh.’” He gagged slightly at the end of that.
Thorax put a hoof on my shoulder, a wide smile on his muzzle. “I’m really proud of you Dr- er, Secundus. You earned your name, and found your magic, that’s amazing! This is the biggest day of your life, right?” Discord nodded with a slight smirk. Thorax then blushed straight down to his neck. “Plus … I, uh, I was thinking this morning, and I’d like to officially be coltfriends,” he mumbled. It was said so quietly I knew I was the only one who heard it.
“Really?” I asked. Thorax nodded. I tackled him in a hug. “Thank you!”
Thorax turned to address the crowd, with me still clinging to his neck. “You know what this calls for?” he shouted.
“A party?” asked Pinkie, pulling her party cannon out of thin air.
“A hoedown?” asked Applejack
“An awesome magic show?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“A research paper on Draconequine magic?” Twilight asked with stars in her eyes. Everypony, everyDraconequus, and everyling turned to stare at her. “What?” she asked.
Thorax gently detached me from his neck, and spread his hooves. “A Gourd Fest!” he proclaimed. All the Changelings cheered, and quickly scattered. Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Starlight, Spike, Discord, and I were left staring at Thorax. He laughed, a nervous grin on his muzzle. “I’m not kidding when I say it’s more fun than it sounds!” He beckoned us over.
“Come on,” Thorax called, “I’ll show you all how it works!” As we all walked or trotted, Thorax said softly, “I think this could count as our second date, if that’s alright.”
I smiled and nodded. I kept turning my head and neck to admire the new gardens here, the Changelings had completely transformed the Badlands. There was ivy curling everywhere, there were vines, and several species of flowers I hadn’t ever seen, or even come across in a book. There were bees busy at work, and I could swear I saw a rabbit that ducked back into the bushes. Changelings flew overhead, sparkling like living jewels.
“It’s very peaceful here,” I commented, “It’s … tranquil. It’s so colorful too! I’ve always liked lots of bright colors together, it always cheers me up. This is honestly one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen.”
Thorax raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound like you want to move in.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. “What?! Thorax, we’ve know each-other for two days! I didn’t – ugh! All I meant was I like what you’ve done with the place!” I covered my eyes with my paw. “If I could just learn to stop talking, my life would be so much easier,” I muttered.
Rarity whispered to Fluttershy, “I must say, their relationship is progressing rather quickly.” Fluttershy nodded.
“Yeah,” Spike scoffed.
I started walking again, my face still a bit red. “Actually Thorax, I’m very curious about what it’s like on the inside of the Hive. Is it true that it’s never exactly the same twice?”
“Sort of,” replied Thorax. “The rooms stay in the same place mostly, some of them do move around a bit though. It is true that the ways you can get around the Hive are so random they’re almost never the same. Everypony else has seen it already, but maybe I could give you a tour sometime?”
“I’d like that. Are you going to give me a tour on all our dates? I should get you one of those ‘tour guide’ caps.” I looked at his head. “Oh. Horn. Giant antlers. Hats wouldn’t really work.” I rapped my knuckles on my slightly oversized horn. “Hats wouldn’t really fit me either. Shoot, I love hats.”
I felt something being placed on my head with my ears sticking out the sides, it actually fit over my horn.
“Hmmm….” said Discord. “You know, tops hats are really your style!”
I reached up, and pulled the hat off my head to examine it. I burst out laughing when I saw it. Half of the hat was white; the other half was black. The band around it was in the opposite colors of the halves of the hat; black on the white side, and white on the black side. It reminded me of Two-face’s suits. I chuckled again. “It’s … perfect, thank you. May I keep it?”
Discord looked affronted. “It was a gift! I expect you to keep it! Besides, you’re officially a Draconequus now, so we’re,” he counted on his fingers for a second, “… second cousins now. It’s more complicated than that, but the metaphor still works.” He put an arm around me and grinned evilly. “Just wait until the family reunion!” He then pulled on his beard, looking rather thoughtful. “Actually …” I shot him a quizzical look, but he didn’t say more.
We approached a large patch of garden. A Changeling guard walked up to greet us, and glared at me with unconcealed contempt. He was a deep blue, with violet eyes, red and blue wings, and large red antlers. “So,” he said flatly, “you’re the one my brother hasn’t been able to shut up about all morning.”
“Pharynx,” said Thorax warningly.
“My brother can be a bit of a soft-shell sometimes, and doesn’t know much about the world,” continued Pharynx while paying no attention to Thorax.
“Pharynx!” said Thorax in a louder tone.
Pharynx flew up to meet my eye level, and jabbed a hoof into my chest. “If you hurt him, I swear I’ll kick you ten ways to Tartarus.”
“Pharynx!!” shouted Thorax.
I stared at Pharynx for a few seconds, then reached out a paw, and shook his hoof. “Deal!” I said with a smile.
Thorax’s jaw dropped. “W-why would you agree to let my brother beat you up?!”
I glanced back at everypony. “Would you all excuse us for a minute?”
I clicked my fingers for dramatic effect. *BAMF!* “Why is everything blue?” Thorax asked in a confused voice.
“I slightly phased us out of synch with them. It’s harmless. Mostly. Here’s the answer to your first question. In the first place, Pharynx is only trying to protect you. I can appreciate that, you’re his younger brother, and he doesn’t know anything about me. In the second place, Pharynx only said he’d hurt me on the condition I hurt you first. I know what it’s like to be hurt by someone you care about. That’s not something I ever want to pay forward. Have you ever been in a serious relationship?”
Thorax shook his head. “Not unless you count disguising myself to feed on another pony’s love,” he said with a weak smile.
“Right. I haven’t been in one either. This is the furthest I’ve ever gotten. I really care about you, and ... well, … you’re touchy-feely enough that I hate to think what my breaking your heart would do to you. I don’t have an older brother to protect me if you wind up breaking my heart, but I know myself well enough to know that I’d most likely pull the ‘Mad God’ routine.” I shuddered. “I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if I ever went down that road. I’d be much worse than Discord, that’s for sure.
“Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that if I did wind up ever hurting you, I’d think I’d need a swift kick in the flank as well, so I can understand why Pharynx would. Did any of that make any sense at all?”
Thorax nodded. I clicked my fingers again. *BAMF!* I gave the surrounding area another look. “All joking aside, this place would be great to live in. Er… if things ever progress that far in our relationship, that is.”
Discord squished Thorax and I together in a bear hug. “Oh, I love it when romance turns awkward!” he chortled. “Romance is chaotic enough on its own, but add some embarrassment, and it’s comedy gold!” A thought struck him. “Oh! Speaking of living arrangements, Secundus, every Draconequus has a personal Realm, and yours should be done cooking by then end of business today.”
“Cooking?” I asked.
“Well, I suppose I could use all the appropriate techno-babble, but you won’t understand it for a few years, and I don’t want anypony’s brain to explode,” Discord said with his usual tact and diplomacy.
“Oh!” said Thorax, “We don’t want to miss the Fest!” He and I wriggled out of Discord’s vice of a grip. “This way,” said Thorax while waving us over.
We spotted the rest of the Changelings on the other side of a low ridge. I let out a low whistle. “Rainbow would likely disagree with me, but that is cool.”
I had been expecting some sort of cheesy harvest festival. This was a harvest fest, but it wasn’t like any I’d ever see before. The gourds might have been garden-variety for Changelings, but I’d never have been able to dream up vegetables like these. The color and pattern of each gourd changed rapidly, like the skin of an octopus. Things got really fun once you picked them. Almost the instant a Changeling picked a gourd off its vine, it began to rapidly change size and shape, going through some really imaginative forms before settling into one shape.
One Changeling’s gourd had changed into a floating abstract sculpture that conjured music from thin air. One Changeling’s gourd had turned into an animal that looked like a foot-tall, green-furred sasquatch. Another Changeling’s gourd had turned Cinderella-style into a coach, which had a vegetable powered internal combustion engine.
We all stopped and stared, our mouths hanging open. “It’s … beautiful,” said Discord, enjoying the chaotic side of it.
“It really is,” I said, loving the artistic side to it all.
“That. Is. AWESOME! ” said Rainbow Dash. She flew to pick a gourd so fast there was a “Boom!” sound. Her gourd turned into a sky-blue, vegetable, pony-sized racing car, complete with a helmet.
“This is amazing.” I said. I looked at Thorax in surprise. “Everyling’s doing this just for me?”
“Well, for you, and for us,” Thorax said with a wink. Now it was my turn to blush.
Rainbow dash was busy racing the Changeling with the souped-up coach. I heard a shout of “So! Cooooooooollllllll!” coming from her racecar.
“What makes the gourds change into such amazing shapes?” I asked.
“Actually, we’re not sure how they evolved this way. The soak up love in their final form, then use that love to form seeds for the next generation. We do know that their chosen final form is based on the picker’s personality.” Thorax informed us.
Twilight nodded. “Sympathetic magic,” she said. Then her eyes went wide. “Augh! Paper! Pens! This has never been documented in pony culture before, I need to take notes on all of this!”
I conjured up her requested supplies. Over Twilight’s furious scribbling, Thorax said, “We used to use these in combat exercises. After Chrysalis left, we started to use them just for fun. They only last a few hours once they’ve been picked, but it’s a fun few hours.”
Everypony rushed to pick a gourd before they were gone. Fluttershy’s became a giant green-furred rabbit that picked her up and snuggled with her. Pinkie Pie’s became a shape-shifting balloon animal. Applejack’s was a great looking Stetson with an apple-shaped jewel in the band. Rarity’s was a nature-inspired dress and tiara. She swiped some paper and a pencil from Twilight, and began to sketch some ideas. I was expecting Twilight’s to turn into a book, but was surprised to see it turn into a framed painting of her friends. It did make sense though. Starlight’s turned into a giant kite, that kind that seems to change shape in the breeze. Spike’s was a small doll of Rarity. Thorax and I were the last to go, and we stood back to back so that we could surprise one another.
My gourd took a full five minutes to make up its mind on a shape, even turning into a question mark shaped squash at one point. When it finally settled on its chosen shape, it was small enough to fit into my paw. “Oh,” was all I could manage to say about it.
Thorax turned to face me with a concerned look. “Are you OK? Your emotions just crashed and burned.”
“Yeah. They do that sometimes,” I said in a slightly hollow tone. “I flip from happy to sad and back almost instantly.” I gave a low laugh. “Guess that fits in with the ‘Spirit of Duality’ part pretty well. If you can sense my emotions, that must be horrible to be around.”
Thorax put a leg on my forearm. “It is not horrible, it just makes me be concerned for you. What even happened?”
Wordlessly, I passed him my gourd. He examined it critically. “It’s a bit big for a marble, it’s almost the size of a tennis ball,” he commented.
I took the blue, green, and white sphere back. “It’s, uh, it’s home. It’s my home, from before I came here. It’s a planet called Earth. It’s probably the most messed up … and the most beautiful planet there is. It’s wonderful.”
“You don’t exactly look overjoyed to see it,” Thorax said.
I managed a genuine laugh at that, and my mood started to improve. “No, I am happy, it’s just … lots of memories, you know? I’m from right about … there,” I said as I lightly tapped the globe with the tip of a claw. “Give or take seventy miles. I think this poor gourd is going to be fed bittersweet nostalgia instead of love.”
Thorax laughed at that. “Boy, you weren’t kidding about changing moods rapidly.” He rubbed his horn, looking like he had a headache. “That is going to take some getting used to.”
I draped a white sheet with eye holes cut into it over myself. I waved my arms around, and moaned, “Flee! Flee this relationship while you still can, lest you face an untimely doooooommm !”
Thorax was having trouble breathing he was laughing so hard. “You GOOF!” he shouted as he punched me in the stomach. He calmed down a bit. “Did you actually mean it that I shouldn’t be in a relationship with you?”
I smiled. “No. Not at all. It’s an amazing gift to find someone who can break me out of a funk like that.”
There was a screeching of breaks, and some dirt and grass flew up. “Hey! Lovebirds!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “You coming, or what ?!”
“Be right there!” Thorax and I shouted in unison.
“What did your gourd turn into?” I asked Thorax with interest.
He held it up. “It’s … a bit foalish, but it reminds me of a good time.” It was a model zeppelin, the kind that ponies would use for very long-distance travel, or if they didn’t qualify for a royal chariot. “When I was a hatchling, one of these passed over the Hive, and I started dreaming about sneaking aboard, and going somewhere wonderful in one.”
“Heh. Looks like I’m not the only one to be bitten by the nostalgia bug today. You know what this is missing?” I asked as I wound up the propeller with a finger.
“No, what?”
“This!” I let the mini-zeppelin go, and it shot off like a rocket. Thorax’s eyes widened, he smiled, and his wings buzzed open. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, and shot off after the toy, matching its speed and course perfectly. Technically, it wasn’t the kind of model that was designed to fly, but I figured I was allowed to cheat to make my coltfriend happy. As I watched Thorax chase the flying toy, I chuckled. Looks like I’m not the only one around here who never quite grew up. He just gets better the more I find out about him. I wonder what he even sees in me?
Thorax landed in front of me, slightly out of breath. “That was -whew! - great! Thanks! Give me, … oh, about five minutes, and I’ll take you on a tour around the Hive. I’m not wearing any silly hats though.” After getting his second wind, he flew off again.
Friendly laughter that somehow sounded sinister at the same time came from behind me. I saw Discord standing by himself near a group of trees. “You two are absolutely adorable !” he said, offering me a bucket of caramel corn.
“Thanks,” I said, meaning it. I took a pawful of the popcorn. “What did your gourd turn into, pray tell?”
Discord blushed slightly. “What in Equestria makes you think I picked one of those revolting things?”
I smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Than what’s that you’re desperately trying to hide behind your back?”
“None of your busine-” I sprang towards him. “NO!” Discord shouted, disappearing in a flash of light before I could see. I sniffed the air twice, working something out in my head for a few minutes. I then popped up behind Discord, we were standing in the middle of a lake of lava. Discord was surprised to see me. “So … you’ve figured out inter-dimensional travel now, hmm? Goody for you.” He grinned evilly, and lightning crashed down around him. “Try to keep up, Splits!” He was gone.
I chased him across a planet covered in ice and snow, a large desert, and something that looked like New York City, but with animals instead of humans. I noticed that I was now a bright yellow lion in jeans and a t-shirt, I guess to fit in. A rabbit in a blue Kevlar uniform shouted, “What do you think you’re-” I gave the fox in a matching uniform behind her a curious look before disappearing again.
It took me a minute to pick up Discord’s trail again. I finally pried Discord’s gourd out of his talons in the middle of a jungle on some planet somewhere. “Don’t! Just- oh, sweet Chaos,” Discord muttered between the fingers covering his muzzle.
I examined the gourd for a minute. “It’s actually pretty good. For being a semi-intelligent vegetable, it did a really nice job on the dress.” In my paws was a small sculpture of Discord, wearing a tux, dancing with Fluttershy, who was in a simple white wedding gown and vale. I pawed it back to Discord, and sighed. “Look, just because I ship the two of you doesn’t mean I’m going to play interfering matchmaker. I tried that with Spike and Rarity, and wound up in trouble for it. I am perfectly fine with you telling her how you actually feel about her on your own good time, provided it’s before her fifty-first birthday.’
Discord nodded. He then straightened up, and put an arm around me, his usual smirk back. “Sssoooooo, who do you ship dear widdle Twilight with? Do tell, while it’s just the two of us. I have been known to keep a secret on occasion.”
My head tilted as I thought about it. “Honestly … I never really made up my mind about her. As far as I know , she’s into stallions, but most of them are already taken. The one stallion the fandom sometimes pairs her with who is available is pure evil, and was blown to smithereens by an Act of Love, so I don’t see that working out well. It would be fun to watch, however.”
“Huh,” was Discord’s only reply. I snapped my fingers, returning us to Equestria, back in the same spot by the Hive. Discord looked around, seeming startled. “The fact that you can manage to out-warp me worries me deeply.”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered. “Now that I’ve got the power, what do I actually do with it?”
Discord leaned over to whisper something in my ear, before changing his mind and standing up again. “You’ll find out,” he said with a genuine smile, eyes glinting slightly.
Thorax spotted us, and trotted over to us quickly. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over! If my timing’s right, we only have until sunset, so we’d better get on with the tour right away.”
“Why, what happens at sunset?”
“The best part, so I want it to be a surprise.” He grabbed my paw, and started to pull me towards the Hive.
“Bye you two crazy kids!” Discord waved cheerfully before heading down to meet the others.
Thorax stopped me by a side of the Hive. “Er, there isn’t really a front door to speak of,” he said. He then started counting under his breath. “Three, two, …” an entry opened in front of us, large enough for even me to get through.
“Ok, that is cool.” We walked in. The inside of the Hive was made of a greyish-blue porous stone that seemed almost alive. It would have put the Hogwarts Castle staircases to shame. Everything was moving, new entries to other rooms opened and closed at random, walkways would form, change position, and disappear, and even the walls seemed to shift slightly. Hanging from the ceiling were what might have giant glow-worm lures, it looked as the stars were suspended in the air of the room.
Thorax looked very flustered, he was showing his date his home after all. “It’s, well it’s, um, it’s-”
“Beautiful,” I finished for him.
Thorax blinked in surprise at my words. “Yes. It is. Most ponies get dizzy the first time they see it. You really like it? Most ponies still find it kind of creepy.”
“It’s not creepy, it’s just not what most ponies are used to. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a bit like being in a maze that moves itself around, which, if you’re not in a horror film, would actually be kind of fun. I do like it, yes.”
Thorax breathed a sigh of relief, and smiled. “I’m really glad you like it. Sometimes, even we get a bit lost in here, so this could take a while.”
“Worth it,” I said, holding Thorax’s hoof. Thorax led me to a nearby wall, an entry opened up. It wasn’t quite tall enough, and I forgot to duck. “Ouch!” My horn took a small chunk out of the wall above my head. As I was rubbing my horn, the hole filled itself in. A thought struck me. “Uh, Thorax? Is this place alive ?”
Thorax laughed nervously. “It’s funny you should ask. Noling’s exactly sure, the Hive was originally built by Chrysalis and the Changeling elders. They aren’t around to ask. We just had to find out how to work with it.”
“OK, I’m filing that under ‘do not think about if at all possible.’” Thorax looked up, and pulled me through the “door” just as it closed, narrowly missing my tails. My jaw dropped. “Whoa! Was Escher your architect?”
“Who?” asked Thorax.
“Oh, sorry. He was a graphic artist from Earth who loved to create impossible shapes. He would have loved these stairs.” It was true. We were in a large, multi-leveled chamber that could have been straight out of an Escher lithograph. There were stairs meeting at every angle, slowly changing locations, and growing and receding at random.
“Are you crying ?” Thorax asked with shock.
“It’s liquid envy. This place is amazing.”
“Uh, this is just the hall . On with the tour?” After a minorly physics-defying walk, we came to a chamber filled with long tables and stools. Every wall was crammed full of cupboards. “So, weather permitting, we usually hold it outside, but this is the Crafts Hall. Do you enjoy crafts?”
“Very much.”
Thorax grinned, and clapped his hooves together. “Great! I am totally inviting you over for a crafts night! The rest of the Changelings would love to see what you do!” He looked at the wall behind us. “This way, … I think.” He pulled me in a generally downwards direction, aside from the time we walked up a wall. “This is the kitchen!”
“This is the kitchen for the entire Hive? It’s the size of the kitchen in my last apartment!”
Thorax shrugged. “Changelings don’t need to it anything other than love. Most Changelings find regular pony food a bit disgusting.”
“Have they never heard of chocolate? Anyway, you like material food just fine.”
Thorax gave me a wry smile. “I’m the weird one, remember?”
I smiled. “Which is why I like you.”
He blushed. Then looked at the ceiling above us. “This way!”
I lost track of all the twists and turns we were taking. “You guys really need to make a map of this place. Oh. Right. Change ling Hive.”
We came to a large, dark chamber with more of the Changeling lights suspended from the ceiling. An orange and blue drone was at the other end of the room, watching over … I think they were eggs. A soft lullaby came from a gramophone in the corner. “Where do the eggs come from? Do you lay them?” I asked, knowing that Thorax was a male.
Thorax gave a slightly strangled smile. “Well, technically I can change genders if I want to, but … let’s just say I like myself the way I am. These days, Changelings actually start families of our own, instead of one Queen laying broods. We care for our offspring the way ponies do, but we still raise our kids slightly communally. Our species has changed several key aspects literally overnight, and, well, some things we’re still figuring out.”
I nodded. “That makes sense. Sorry for embarrassing you.” He waved it off.
He then pulled me up and through two walls, then to the right and up a flight of stairs. There was a very long hall, filled with several chambers. “Right! This entire section is Everyling’s rooms and sleeping quarters. I don’t want to intrude on anyling’s privacy, so I’ll just tell you it’s here.”
I noticed set of wooden doors built into a wall that seemed fairly permanent, location-wise. “What’s in there?” Thorax looked uncomfortable. “Uh, that’s my room. A private room sort of goes with being king. It’s a bit of a mess, so I’m not going to show it to you.”
“How disappointing,” I rumbled lowly with lowered eyelids. Thorax let out a “Meep!” and dragged me out of the hall so fast my hoof left skid marks on the floor. I started to chuckle a bit.
The rest of the rooms were mostly Changeling rooms and storages halls, plus the demolished throne room, the Feelings Forum Hall, and some balconies. After the tour, Thorax asked, “Any questions?”
“Do you have a library?”
Thorax shook his head. “No. I don’t know if the Changelings would want one. It’s a lot of work to put another room onto the Hive, and we’ll only do it after a majority vote.”
I smirked. “A democratic king. That’s a bit of a contradiction. Right up my alley, then. How do you put an addition on the Hive? I thought you said you didn’t know how it worked.”
“We don’t have to know how it works to know how to work with it. We can put an addition on, but it takes several weeks. Plus , we’d have to buy books, shelves, the works. We don’t exactly have a roaring economy as a sovereign state.”
“That makes sense. Just out of curiosity, are you a reader?”
Thorax blinked. “I … don’t really know. Maybe?”
I folded my arms. “Which house in the Harry Trotter series are you?”
“Hooflefluff.”
“What’s the best way to get rid of a boogeystallion?”
“Put a blanket over his head so he thinks he doesn’t exist. The blanket should preferably have fluffy bunnies.”
“How do you kill the dust witch at the Pandemonium Shadow Show?”
“With a smile.”
“How do you get an ocean the size of the universe to fit in a bucket?”
“You ask nicely, and get Old Mrs. Hempstock to help with the heavy lifting.”
“The Infinite Improbability Drive is powered by-?”
“A really hot cup of tea.”
“How do you serve Looking-Glass cake?”
“Hand it around first, then cut it.”
I gave a huge smile, and swept Thorax up in a hug. “Yes! You’re a reader! I’m so happy, that would have been a major deal breaker for me.”
Thorax smiled back. “I’ve never met anyling who’s read all of those too,” he said with surprise.
I set him down, and laughed. “Yeah, my immediate family collected books the way most people collect oxygen. I didn’t exactly have a choice in whether I would be a bookworm or not. What’s your excuse?”
Thorax rubbed the back of his head. “Well, it was almost four years between the time I left the Hive, and the time I met Spike and all my friends. It was hard to be on my own that whole time. One day I stopped at a library, and, well, I fell in love with books. They … I don’t know how to put it…”
“They make good substitute friends when you can’t be with your real friends. They take you out of a bad situation, and put you somewhere wonderful, where you can live a life of adventure and wonder, since sometimes real life isn’t enough.”
Thorax gave me a look I couldn’t quite place. “Et tu, Secundus?”
I gave him a noogie. “Yeah. Me too. I don’t need to drag it all up again now.” I tapped him on the head. “You’re it!”
“Huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve never played hide-and-seek before!”
Thorax chuckled at how foalish I was acting. Then his eyes narrowed, and he smiled. Despite the bright colors, and lack of fangs, he still could have a scary smile. “OK, but I should warn you, I am a master of hide-and-seek! Prepare to go down in flames!”
“For the honor of my house, I accept that challenge!”
Thorax’s smirk grew. “Actually, why don’t I hide first? Give you a taste of what you’re up against.”
“Done. You have one minute.” He flew out of the room, and I began to slowly count to sixty.
I began to meander about the Hive, trying to remember where everything tended to stay for the most part. After doubling back from a storage hall, I came into an empty chamber. Amid the Changeling lights was an enormous stalactite. I sniffed a few times, trying to be sure of something. I then walked up the wall, across the ceiling, and pulled a feather out of thin air. I started to tickle the stalactite mercilessly.
“AUUGH!” it screamed as it started laughing. In a flash of green fire, Thorax was in front of me. I called of my attack.
“What is this need of yours for rocks, Thorax? Have you no identity of your own?”
He was still chuckling a bit. “How’d you know it was me?”
I smiled. “You still smelled a bit like yourself. I’ve got much better senses than ponies, you’ll have to up your disguises.”
We both descended back to the floor. I poked Thorax on the snout. Despite not having fangs, he still bared his teeth, flicking his tongue out of his mouth. “Never boop a Changeling! ” he hissed lowly. He then blinked. “Ohmigosh! I’m sorry about that, I-”
“It’s fine. I’ll remember that, I promise.”
Thorax gave me a smug look. “Your turn! Let’s see you do better!”
“I can’t.”
“One minute! Go!” I fled.
Thorax wandered the halls. As he was passing the kitchen, a yellow and green teenage Changeling passed by him. “Afternoon!” called Thorax.
“Afternoon!” chirped the Changeling.
Thorax sauntered over to the colt. He then tapped a hoof on his nose. “Boop!”
I was then back to my normal form. “Ok, how did you know it was me?”
“I know all the Changelings by face and name, what sort of king do you think I am ? That and you’re a little giddy from love,” he teased.
I folded my arms. “Sensing emotions is cheating,” I huffed. I then looked at Thorax. “One … two … three …” he was gone. I searched almost the entire Hive, before winding up near a recently-opened entrance.
“Hiya Secundus!” called Pinkie Pie. “How ya doin’?”
“Really well. How’s everypony doing?”
“Great, it’s a super funtastic party!” She teared up slightly. “Balloonsy flew away, but eventually, you have to set them free. Oh! If you’re looking for Thorax, he went that way,” she said as she pointed.
“Great, thanks!” I gave her a wave, and followed the direction she was pointing. After three rooms and a hall, I doubled back the way I’d come. Pinkie was chattering happily to a Changeling about snickerdoodle recipes. I tapped her on the withers. “I commend your acting skills, … King Pie.”
With a ‘fwoosh!’ Thorax was back. “I made sure I even smelled like Pinkie! What gave it away?”
“Nothing. I just got a feeling.”
Thorax grinned. “Sixty … fifty-nine … fifty-eight …” I turned and ran.
Thorax had to search the entire Hive to find me. He walked into a large room, and looked around, before doing a double-take. The room was lined with bookshelves, had a cheery fireplace, a comfy armchair, and a table with a plate of freshly-baked scones on it.
“Uh, Secundus?” In a flash of light, I was back. “What were you in there?”
I shrugged. “The whole room. I just stuck myself in-between two others.”
“You can be an entire room ?!”
“Mmm-hmm. It feels weird to have somepony walking around in you.” I held up a plate. “Scone? They’re surprisingly good.” Thorax took the scone without saying a word.
Somepony cleared their throat behind him. It was a green and blue Changeling with yellow eyes. “Thorax?” she said, “You two have missed almost the entire Fest. It’s almost time, are you coming?”
Thorax gave me a panicked look. “Oh, no. I threw this whole thing for you, how could I have let us miss it?” He grabbed my paw, and once again led me through the Hive.
“Uh, do you remember where we came in? I dropped my gourd on the grass, and my hat as well. Do you know where your gourd is?”
Thorax nodded. We ducked left, right, up, around, and took a sharp downwards angle, before we came to an outer wall of the Hive. A “door” opened up just as we arrived. This time I remembered to duck.
When we got outside, the sun was just beginning to set. I scooped up my globe from where I’d dropped it, and put the top hat Discord had given my on at a funny angle. Thorax snagged his Zeppelin out of the air as it passed overhead. I noticed that all of the gourds were starting to lose their shapes, they looked like they were liquifying a bit. Slowly, a bit like a bad stop-motion animation, they grew or shrank back into their original gourd shapes. They were still shaking a bit.
Discord spotted us. “Where have you two been? We all had a simply amazing time. It’s really just too bad you missed out on it.”
I blushed. “We were, um, playing hide and seek. It was my fault.”
Discord smiled. “Ah, youth. I can still remember some of the games I played. Aren’t games wonderful?” Given Discord’s idea of a fun game, I declined to comment. He looked at us with interest. “So, who won?”
“It was a bit of a draw,” Thorax said, “Although Secundus has some amazing tricks up his sleeve.”
As the sun dipped below the horizon, the gourds started to shake even more, before the tops split open and the seeds shot into the air. *Boom! Boom! Pop, pop, pop!* They were turning into fireworks that changed colors. The seeds were the kind that have a leafy propeller attached, and they spun lazily downwards. The Changelings started to gather the seeds up so that they could plant the next crop of gourds.
“That was completely amazing. Thank you.” Thorax put a leg around me, and leaned into my side. A few seconds later, I heard a chiming sound, and started to shake like I had really bad hiccups in time with the chimes. I felt something in my mouth, reached in it, and pulled out a pocket watch.
Thorax raised an eyebrow. “That wasn’t there when I got up this morning,” he said in a flat tone.
Rainbow Dash looked at us with a crinkled brow. “You were there when Thorax woke up this morning?” she asked in an accusing tone.
I sighed, and rolled my eyes. “It was a long night, he fell asleep, I don’t need sleep, I didn’t want to wake him up, and I thought he might get cold, OK?! Don’t read too much into it! Nothing happened!”
Thorax looked at me with lowered eyelids. “Would you have wanted it to?” he purred. I hid behind Discord.
I showed Discord the pocket watch, which was still loudly chiming. “What’s the deal with this thing? I don’t swallow clocks. Any advice?”
“Oh. I didn’t realize how late it was. It just means your realm is finally ready to be seen and moved into.” He rubbed his paw and talons together in excitement. “I can’t wait to see what you got! It’s like Hearths’ Warming, only better! Come on, show us where you live!”
“Exactly how do I do that?”
Discord rolled his eyes. “I was there when you figured out dimension-hopping. Just think ‘Home.’”
I concentrated, and did as he said. I had to remember to take everypony else with me as well. Reality sort of blurred around us, and we were standing in front of my house. I was flabbergasted at what I saw.
The house was an extra-long ranch style house, but that was the most ordinary thing about it. For one thing, it was floating on a chunk of earth in space. For another, it was split in half. The space the house was floating in was night on the left side, with stars stretching away as far as the eye could see. It was like being in the middle of a galaxy. The right side of the dimension was a bright blue sunny sky, with clouds drifting serenely through it, disappearing as the hit the divide into night.
The house was every bit as split as the space surrounding it. The walkway was a checkerboard of black and white hexagon tiles that stretched past the ground the house was floating on, as they got further away from the ground, they drifted apart, and started floating. The left side of the house that was on the side with the night sky looked condemned. The windows were broken, the porch and walls were unpainted and cracked, there was dust everywhere, and there were several spiderwebs, but no spiders. Several tiles were missing from the roof. On the ground in front of this half of the house was a massive dead oak tree, and the grass was dead.
The right side of the house in the sunny sky looked brand new. The porch was painted a gleaming white, the window had sunny yellow boarders and window boxes with tulips. The windows were freshly cleaned. The grass on this half of the ground was a vibrant green, and there was a patch of daisies and poppies.
All I could say was, “Well, it certainly fits.” I walked up to the front door. The door was blue on the right side, a faded orange on the left. Over it, carved into the wall was a stylized yin/yang symbol. To the right of the door was a small plaque that read: “Secudus: Spirit of Duality.” Experimentally, I pulled the doorbell cord. It was just a basic pattern of chimes. I tried the rusty door handle, it just rattled around.
I held out a paw, and pulled a keyring out of thin air. The keys were all old-fashioned skeleton keys, but not all of them were made of metal, one was made of ice, one was a key-shaped flame, and I didn’t know what one of them was made of. It took a minute, but I found the front door key. I wiped my paw and hoof on the mat, before walking in. Everypony followed behind me.
“Whoa, Nelly!” said Applejack.
Pinkie squealed excitedly.
Fluttershy said “It’s-”
“Bigger on the inside,” Twilight finished for her. “How is that possible?” Discord handed her a picture book entitled: “Breaking the Laws of Physics 101: A Guide for Young Draconequui.” Twilight opened the book to find a painting of herself with an unamused expression, and the sentence, “A good magician never reveals his tricks.” She rolled her eyes.
I was having trouble taking everything in, it was a lot to process. There were at least five floors, the main staircase near the entry cried out for Scarlett O’Hara to make a dramatic entrance down it. Directly to our left was a sitting room, full of ripped furniture and dust. Interestingly, the windows on the left side of the house weren’t broken from the inside.
The whole house was full of warm wood, and lots of shelves to put things on, there was a thick grey carpet on the floor. The left side of the house was a bit of a mess, but it didn’t look as haunted as the left outside of the house. To the right was a long hall, full of different doors. I whistled. “It’s going to take me days to explore all of this. This is all mine?”
Discord nodded. “Unless you let someone move in with you, yes, this is your bachelor pad. Pretty nice, if I may say so.”
I gave a snicker. “What?” asked Twilight.
“Believe it or not, I’ve always wanted a house that was like this, but … this feels more like an office than a home. It’s very nice, but a bit empty.”
Discord folded his arms. “Well, you’re not legally required to live here, you can live anywhere you want, provided you can find a place. You might have to use this place for official functions as the Spirit of Duality, but, if you’d rather live somewhere else you can. Personally, I love my realm, it’s so me .”
I shook my head. “No, I’m sure I can make this work, it’ll just take some getting used to.” I looked a Twilight. “I’ll be by tomorrow to pick up my things and move in.”
“What time?”
“At a genuinely reasonable hour, I promise. Say eleven?” Twilight nodded.
Thorax had wandered down the hall, and was looking about, with an expression that could have been anything. I walked over to him. “Well, what do you think?”
Thorax frowned. “I guess it’s perfect for the Spirit of Duality, but … it’s not you . You’re right, it does feel a bit empty. I don’t know, might just be me thinking that.”
I shrugged. “Well, maybe you could all drop by from time to time.” I looked at Discord. “Can they visit under their own power?”
He nodded. “Yep. I have a door built into a tree in the Everfree that leads right to my front porch. How do you think Fluttershy drops by for tea, flying? You can find a way of getting ponies or other species here if they ever want to. It can be anything.”
“Hmm. Well, I don’t really have a place to put a door or a permanent portal. Maybe a password? I know, if any of you want to visit, say ‘Dichotomy, dualism, duplex’ twice, and a portal will open up for you.”
“Dichotomy, dualism, duplex,” Applejack muttered under her breath. “Got it. Does it have to ben in fancy, though?”
I nodded. “I wanted it to be something you hopefully wouldn’t say accidentally in everyday conversation.”
“Oh. Well, ay guess that makes sense. It’s gonna take me a couple tries to remember that password, though.”
“How about I give everypony a business card with it written on the back?”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yeah, that’d really help.”
“Mmm-hmm,” said Fluttershy.
I passed everypony a card.
Twilight yawned. “Well, it’s been a great day, but Spike needs his sleep, and Starlight has a full schedule tomorrow. Can you send us all back home?”
I nodded, trying to remember where I’d pulled them all from. As I got my fingers ready to snap, Thorax said, “Before you send me back to the Hive, can I do something with just me and you? Official Royal Changeling business.”
I nodded. “Thank you all for a great day, and goodnight.” I snapped my fingers, and sent them all home.
Thorax opened the front door, and walked out onto the lawn, I followed. “Well, the sky here is beautiful,” he murmured. He then faced me. “Kneel, please.” I knelt. “Er, could you bend down a bit?” I did. He tapped a hoof on each of my shoulders, and proclaimed, “By the power vested in my, by me, as your coltfriend, I hereby dub thee ‘Sec’ for such occasions as I wish to use a nickname.” He smiled. “I couldn’t think of a good revenge for ‘Moosey.’” He gave me a quick hug. “Goodnight. Thank you. I’ve got to get back now.”
I nodded, and sent him back to the Hive. I closed the door, looking around my house. This … is going to take some getting used to.
Author's Note
So, it wasn't until after I wrote this that I found it Thorax didn't actually say "Gourd Fest" in "Celestial Advice."
(Oh, yeah, I've got my powers now too.
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Chapter Seven: In Which There is an Awkward Family Reunion
Chapter Seven:
In Which There is an Awkward Family Reunion
About a week after my Naming Day, Thorax showed up at my realm, looking around the small yard to see if I was there. From inside the house came a small explosion, a zapping sound, all the lights flickered and the windows rattled.
“[REDACTED!]” I shouted. It sounded very weird, especially with my voices clashing. Thorax cautiously walked up to the front door, and opened it a crack.
“Sec?” he called nervously.
“Hi, Thorax, it’s nice to see you,” I said from behind him.
“YEEP!” he cried, jumping about a foot into the air. He put a hoof to his chest, and took a deep breath. “You seriously need to wear a bell around your neck for when you do that.”
I shrugged. “It would clash with my fur, and anyways, collars aren’t really my thing. Never have been. I don’t accessorize.”
“Your eyebrows and mane are smoking. What happened?”
“Hmm? Oh, just now? I was trying to change a lightbulb. The lightbulb won.”
“Really?” Thorax asked in surprise.
“No . It wasn’t a lightbulb, even I can change a lightbulb. I’ve been here a week, and I’m still figuring things out. Did you know physics are optional here? It can be a bit interesting. It’s all fun and games until you get crushed by a bookcase. Why are you here?”
Thorax raised an eyebrow, looking at me with a “we are not amused” expression. “You sent me a note asking me to drop by ‘at my earliest convenience’ today. You don’t remember sending that? It wasn’t exactly subtle when it arrived. It sort of growled at me until I opened it.”
I smacked a paw on my forehead. “Oh! Right! Sorry, my brain’s one too many places today, I was a bit distracted.” I gave him a nervous look. “Give me … two minutes? I’ll be right back.” I disappeared back inside. There were some clattering sounds, and a brief burst of xylophone music. I then reappeared in the door holding a wicker basket, panting slightly. “Ha! Got it! It was in the kitchen, behind the blender. I knew I put it in a logical place!”
Thorax was looking more confused by the second. I grabbed my keys, and locked the front door. “Sec? What’s going on?” Thorax asked. “You’re acting even stranger than normal.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m a tiny, tiny bit manic this morning, even for me, I have a lot of plans for the day. This way your highness!” I took his hoof, and we walked up the floating part of the sidewalk. “OK, where did it go, it would be a bit hard to lose…” I muttered. A large floating chunk of rock covered in grass at the top swung around the house into view. It had a lazy orbit around the main house. “Bingo! Come on!”
Thorax’s wings flicked out of his elytron and he flew over to the large chunk of rock. Naturally, I walked. Before settling down, Thorax flew up, and poked a hoof into my snout. “Boop!”
I grabbed my snout. “No fair!”
Thorax smiled. “If you’re smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there’s one thing you never boop. Me. That’s for calling me ‘Your Highness.’” He then sat down, and patted the grass beside him. I sat down on the rock, and was happy for the covering of grass. Thorax gave me an askance look. “So, the reason for your odd behavior would be…?” he said in the tone of voice you address a foal with.
I fiddled with a clump of glass. “Well, Pharynx told me that today was your hatch date, and I wanted to celebrate it with you. It took me holding him over a pit of lava to get him to tell me, of course.”
“SECUNDUS!” Thorax yelled in anger and shock.
“I’m joking, I’m joking. He was actually happy to tell me. He did call me … oh, how did he put it … ah. A ‘sentimental weirdo,’ and told me that you could do much better. Do Changelings even celebrate their hatch days?”
Thorax smiled. “Not under Queen Chrysalis, but these days, yes we do. Thanks for caring about it you goofball, I’d actually forgotten it was today. I guess I’m busier running a brand-new kingdom than I thought.”
“So … I thought I’d treat you to lunch, we could go back to the Hive and celebrate with your family. I could invite your friends. Uh, our friends. It wouldn’t be any trouble, if their schedules allow. I don’t know what Changelings do for hatch days, so I thought I’d just roll with whatever comes.”
I held up the basket. “I made lunch! It’s a spinach, cranberry, cauliflower, apple, and walnut salad with poppy-seed dressing, since I remembered with both like it. I know you don’t actually need to eat food , but I was hoping you’d like it at least a little. When I say I made it, I mean I went out and bought ingredients and made the salad by paw, rather than just wishing it into existence. It tends to taste better that way for some reason. Oh! There’s crackers and peanut-butter and honeysuckle sandwiches. I’ve never had honeysuckle, that should be interesting to try. There’s um, some lemonade, and I, um. Please like it.”
By now I’d taken four clumps of grass out of the “ground” with the claws on my other paw. Thorax chuckled. “You’re not nervous at all, or anything, are you?”
“Was that sarcasm? I can never really tell when anyone’s being sarcastic.”
Thorax rolled his eyes. “Yes, Sec, that was sarcasm. What’s wrong that you’re so nervous? It’s just lunch, and I really appreciate the gesture. It all sounds really good. Thanks.”
“It’s just that I’ve never had a girl- mare friend, or a coltfriend to celebrate their birthday with. I don’t want to mess it up.”
Thorax laughed. “Considering that you remembered it’s my hatch day, and I didn’t, I don’t think that’s possible. Thanks, that’s really sweet of you. I have to agree with Pharynx on one count, you’re not a weirdo, but you are a sentimental goofball. Let’s dig in!”
After the salad, I tried one of the sandwiches. I chewed for a bit. “You like this?”
Thorax laughed nervously. “I guess it helps that I’m part beetle. I’ll take the other sandwiches if you don’t want them.” I passed him the plate.
After eating, I reached behind my back, and pulled something out of my house. I held out a box, wrapped in green paper with a lilac bow. I started to stammer. “I, well, I got you this. Actually, this one I did wish into existence. I had not a clue what to get you, so I just went with something I hoped you might like. I don’t know if you will. I-” I passed him the box. “Oh, just take it! Worst case, I can always uncreate it, and get you something you’d actually like.”
Thorax untied the bow, and pulled the ribbon off. He then tore off the paper. He opened the box, and pulled something out. It was an ornate music box, with a monkey sitting on the top, designed to play the symbols as the music box played. Thorax broke into a broad smile, and wound up the box. His smile somehow managed to get bigger as the box played, and he started to softly sing along with the song. “Masquerade, paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you. Masquerade, every face a different shade. Masquerade, turn around, there’s another face behind you… ”
I wiped the sweat off my brow in relief. “Y-you, uh, you know that one? I didn’t think you’d know it, or know what it was supposed to be. I had no way of knowing if you even remotely liked musicals. Though, Equestria’s sort of one big musical, isn’t it?”
Thorax was staring at the box, a soft smile on his face. “After I left the Hive, I had to stay on the move. Being a lone Changeling is and was really hard. I got to see quite a lot of Equestria in those years. One night, I was passing by a theater, and I heard an orchestra tuning up. I didn’t know what it was, so I disguised myself as a stage prop, and snuck into the building that way. It was … magic. I’d never seen anything like it. Things like that stay with you, you know?”
I nodded. “Some day, if or when we ever grow old together, I’d love to hear your life story,” I teased. “In all honesty, I’d love to see more of Equestria, I’ve seen very little of it, and I love to travel. I should get around to that one day.” I then smirked. “Don’t tell me you relate to the Phantom?”
Thorax chuckled. “Well … a little bit, yes. Parts of him, anyways. Not the homicidal maniac part.”
“Right that part’s more my territory,” I said with a straight face.
“You’re kidding, right?” asked Thorax in a nervous tone.
I coughed into my paw. “Mostly. I’m … a tad overprotective, shall we say. I’m glad you liked the lunch. We’d better get to the Hive, so the Changelings don’t think we’re up to anything unseemly.”
“Why, what would be wrong with that?” asked Thorax with a smug grin. I swallowed nervously. Thorax then tapped his chin. “Actually, before we head back, there is one more gift you could get me.”
“What’s that?”
Now Thorax started fiddling with the grass. “Would you, uh, would you dance with me?”
“Sorry, what was that?”
Thorax was blushing slightly. “Would you dance with me? I’ve never mumble mumble.”
My ears flicked in annoyance. “Thorax, even Fluttershy doesn’t talk that quietly. Speak up!”
“I SAID, I’ve never danced with someling I like before!” Thorax snapped.
“Oh. OK then. Well, that can be easily remedied.” I glanced all around us. “This spot isn’t really big enough … Hey! I’ve got a great idea!” I grabbed his hoof. “Come on!”
I pulled us to the edge of the rock. “Sec, what are you doing?” asked Thorax.
“I’ve wanted to do this since I was a kid!”
“Do what?”
“Dance in the stars!”
I pulled us off the edge, into the night sky of my realm. Thorax’s legs flailed wildly, until he realized he wasn’t plummeting to his doom. I raised an eyebrow. “You do know gravity is optional here, right? Besides, I’ll catch you if you do fall.” I gently pulled him further into the sky. The house, and the daylight half of the sky quickly faded away, until we were surrounded by stars on every side.
I bowed formally to Thorax. “So, we’re both males, and you are a King. Would you like to lead?”
Thorax smiled awkwardly. “You lead, you know what you’re doing better than I do.”
I smiled. “Not really, but that’s half the fun of it.”
Thorax got a little more comfortable. “Plus, you’re taller than I am.”
I laughed. “Fair point.” I took his hoof in my paw, pulled him to his hindlegs and placed my other paw on his waist. I looked around us. “Hmm. We’ll need music. How does that one go again?”
A few guitar chords sounded from the stars around us, and we began to dance. The music didn’t have a visible source, it was coming straight from my memory into the sky around us.
Do you feel the same when I’m away from you? (Oooh Oooh)
Do you know that line that I’d walk for you? (Oooh Oooh)
We could turn around, or we could give it up But we'll take what comes, take what comes
Oh, the storm is raging against us now If you're afraid of falling, then don't look down But we took the step, and we took the leap And we'll take what comes, take what comes
Feel the wind in your hair Feel the rush way up here
We're walking the wire, love We're walking the wire, love We're gonna be higher, up We're walking the wire, wire, wire
As we danced, Thorax said, “You’re actually a pretty decent dancer.”
I chuckled. “Only at slow dances. Believe me, you do not want to witness me attempt a fast dance.”
Thorax laughed at that. “What song is this? It’s beautiful.”
“It’s … a favorite of mine, from just before I got pulled to Equestria. It came out relatively recently before then. I just like it. Sentimental goof, remember?”
Thorax didn’t reply, he just smiled. “Your world has beautiful music.”
I shrugged. “A lot of it was good, yes. Some of it I didn’t really care for. Equestria has good music too. Which isn’t all that surprising considering how much everypony and everyling bursts into song.” After the song ended, I asked, “One more?”
He shook his head. “Sorry, I’ve got to be getting back. You’re welcome to spend the day with me.”
I smiled. “Thanks. A lot. It’s … a bit … quiet here.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
I shook my head. “Not by itself, but,” I frowned. “in my case, spending time ‘alone with your thoughts’ is almost never a good thing. Especially for long periods of time. My thoughts can be kind of … nasty.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Well,” Thorax said with his trademark adorkable grin, “for today, let’s get you out of your head.” I smiled, and took his hoof as we walked through the portal back to the Hive.
The Changelings were a bit surprised when a portal opened up in the middle of the gardens, but when they saw it was me, they relaxed. I hoped they were getting used to me, but I didn’t think they were. They were going about their day as usual, and the Hive was still stunning to look at. My ears drooped when I thought of staying up late the other night, trying to block out the silence. I then brightened up. It didn’t matter if my realm was a bit lonely, I had an amazing coltfriend, I was going to spend the day with him, and it would be great.
“So, what does a Changeling hatch day celebration involve?” I asked Thorax.
He chuckled weakly. “Erm, actually … not a lot. Even with all that’s changed we’re still not exactly ‘party animals,’ and I don’t like anyling making a big deal about it. It’s really just sort of another day.”
“Well, for me, that’s great. I’m not much of a party person either, so by a twist of fate, I had to live in Ponyville, party capitol of Equestria for six months. I don’t mind quiet, I just hate quiet when it’s lonely quiet. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.” He gave a relieved smile.
He thought about it. “Well, you said you like crafts, right?” I nodded. “Some of us have a sculpting group that meets today. Do you sculpt?”
I laughed. “Very badly, but it’s one of my favorite things to pass the time with. I love how messy it is.”
“Great!” Thorax led me over to a long table outside. Changelings sat on stools along the sides, and each Changeling had a lump of clay they were busily working on.
“Um, hi. I’m Secundus.”
“We know,” a Changeling said. “How come you’re back here so soon?”
“T-Thorax invited me. I just wanted to spend the day with someone else, so he thought I should come here.”
The Changeling gave me a look I couldn’t quite place. “Oh. Well, that’s OK then.” He passed me a lump of clay. “This is just for fun and to relax, so there isn’t a set theme or assignment. Just sculpt whatever you want!” He was actually smiling by the end of that, so I felt better. “I’m Cornicle, by the way.”
I forgot I wasn’t wearing sleeves, so I tried to push them up twice before I remembered I almost never wore clothes anymore. Old habits you’ve had for a life are hard to break. I took my lump of clay, and got to work.
After being lost in the clay, and losing track of time, a female Changeling next to me asked, “What is that?”
I looked down, and swallowed nervously. “Uhlp. Whoops. I’m so used to sculpting humans that I didn’t realize I was sculpting one.”
The Changeling across from me asked, “What’s a human ?”
I gave a shaky smile, and swallowed again. My eyes kept darting from side to side, and a bead of sweat formed on my forehead. “T-they’re uh, uh … something I made up?” It was the most unconvincing lie I’d ever told.
A female Changeling across the table and two seats down from me squealed “That is the cutest thing I have ever seen!”
The Changeling next to her said, “There should totally be a show or something about them!”
I blinked at that. I then snickered. I then started to laugh hysterically, with a dash of maniacal laughter thrown in for good measure. It got so bad that Thorax clamped a hoof over my mouth, and dragged me away from the table.
“What is so funny?” he hissed.
I held my stomach, and calmed down a bit. “Heh, eh hee! A-all I’ll say is that sometimes, irony is just too sweet.” Thorax gave me a weary look. “S-sorry about that. It’s nothing, I promise.” He rolled his eyes.
“What is a human anyway? It’s really obvious when you’re lying, even without being able to sense emotions.”
I coughed into my paw. “Myformerspecies. From before I came here. I really wasn’t intending to do that.”
“Huh. They’re pretty strange looking.”
I shrugged. “Well, from my perspective, you’re all the aliens.” I looked down at myself. “I’m just more alien than you in both lives.” Thorax walked me back to the table, and I tried to finish the sculpture, since I couldn’t make everyling unsee it.
As I was working, I overheard some of the Changelings whispering. “That’s the king’s coltfriend? How old is he, twelve ? Why does he always have to be so strange? I think he likes it.”
I did my best to ignore that, but it still hurt. After I finished my rather bad sculpture, I set in in the sun to dry. Pharynx walked up to Thorax, and said, “May I talk to you? Alone ?” he said with a glare at me. He then pulled Thorax into a small court on the side of the Hive.
Given my super-hearing, I thought it would be best to get even further away than that. I tried teleporting a few dimensions away. I then blinked in surprise when I could see Thorax and Pharynx right in front of me, just slightly blurred. I facepawed. “Great. I’m in the mirror dimension.” It was the world on the other side of every mirror, which was a great way to spy on people, but that wasn’t what I had wanted.
I was about to leave, when Pharynx started shouting at Thorax. “What is the matter with you?! Why do you hang around with that, that-” He couldn’t find the word. “Thorax, you’re acting like a twenty year old! You have got to stop this, he’s dragging you down to his level, whether he means to or not! You have responsibilities to the Hive, you can’t just go prancing off on stupid adventures with him at the drop of a hat. He needs to be put back in his place, as far away from you as possible. He’s just … wrong for you.”
A Steinway grand piano came hurtling out of the sky, crushing Pharynx, leaving a gooey mess, a small crater, and the need for a very long-winded explanation.
My mouth dropped open, and I blinked. I sagged in relief when I realized I’d only imagined it, not actually done it. I looked down at my claws in shock. Maybe I should talk to somepony about this…?
Pharynx finished his rant by saying, “If you don’t do something about it, then I will, and I’ll make sure he never comes back here.” He stalked out of the court, still fuming.
Thorax walked back to where I’d been, and looked around when I wasn’t there. “Sec?” he called.
“Hi Thorax,” I said from behind him. He jumped slightly.
He then winced, and tapped his horn. “Ouch. OK, you’re totally depressed all of a sudden. I get that you change moods quickly, but what in Equestria happened this time?”
“I wanted to get away from you to give you and Pharynx some privacy, but I haven’t quite got inter-dimensional travel down yet, and instead I wound up in a reflection, so I overheard. Everything.” Thorax grimaced. “He’s right, maybe I am bad for you.” I continued. “Maybe I should just break this off early, I don’t want to make your family hate you just because you like me. You do have responsibilities to them. Thorax, they’re your subjects and your family, I’m just the crazy Draconequus who has a crush on you. I still don’t even know what you see in me. I guess I’ll see you later.”
I turned and walked away, when something slammed into me, and I wound up flat on my back. Thorax had a hoof on my chest, pinning me to the ground. There was a snarl on his muzzle. “You want to know what I see in you?” he shouted. He took a deep breath, and calmed down. “That night at the restaurant, honestly, I have no idea why I agreed to it. At the time, I thought it was just for a free diner. I was honestly attracted to you too, on a couple of levels. As I got to know you that night, I started to like you more and more. Over time, I kept finding out things we have in common, and I haven’t had that much in common with anypony before. You are a complete nut sometimes, but that is exactly the reason I like you!
“I got so wrapped up in running the Hive, and keeping everyling happy and things running smoothly, that I forgot to see the funny side to life. You’re a lot more mature than most ponies or my family see right away, but you still see the world with the fun of a foal. Do you have any idea what a gift it is to still think that … a pile of leaves, or a starry night is more magical than actual magic? As I’ve been around you, you’ve helped me to relearn that, and I’d been missing that part of me for a long time. I love that you still think it’s fun to play silly games with the ponies you love. My family just sees that as you being immature, which I know you aren’t. You just still make life fun.
“I can also tell that you hurt sometimes, which is something I don’t want you to go through. You don’t seem like the type to talk about things like that, but just know I’m here for you. So will you stop giving me dramatic ultimatums, and just let me love you?” He pulled his hoof off of me. Instead of standing up, I simply fell up, landing on my hoof and paw. Thorax gave me an evil grin. “You may just be a ‘crazy Draconequus,’ but you have waaaaayyyyy more than a crush on me.”
“I still think sensing emotions is cheating.” I huffed. I then rubbed my chest. “For looking like somepony could step on you, you pack a hell of a punch.”
Thorax beamed. “You can thank Pharynx for that. He’s been training me.”
“I can just imagine,” I said drily. “Thank you. For saying that. It made a huge difference, and it means a lot.” I then gave Thorax my evil grin. “So … should I start picking out our grandfoal’s names, or-” The blow I received to my stomach would have floored a black belt Klingon. I clutched my stomach, and wheezed, “Remind me to never mess with your brother. Or you.” Thorax simply smiled.
I grinned at Thorax. “Well, another good thing that came out of that is that I found out you have a semi-scary protective side like me. Usually when I protect people, the people hurting them need stitches, and that was without magic, claws, or half a mouth of sharp teeth.”
Thorax blinked in surprise. “I thought you didn’t like to hurt things.”
I nodded. “I don’t like to hurt things, I’m the sort of person who carries spiders outside, but … you don’t mess with my loved ones.”
Thorax gave me a smug grin. “You’re a hooflefluff too, aren’t you?”
I rolled my eyes, but was still grinning. “Yes Thorax, I’m a hooflefluff too. It is the best house in the series!” Thorax tapped his hoof against my knuckles in a bro-hoof.
I looked at Thorax with a broad smile. “Thank you for being so wonderful. One of these days I’m going to have to owe you anything you want.”
Thorax’s eyelids lowered, and a smile oozed its way up his face. “Anything ?” he whispered lowly.
I blinked. “Ehrm, technically, I’ve never been in a relationship, but is that the ‘Come Hither’ stare?”
“Mmaaaaayyybe… ” Thorax purred.
My eyes widened in alarm. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
Thorax coughed. “Sort of. Why, what’s wrong with-”
“Nothing!” I snapped. “Sorry. I’m just not ready for that part yet. It’s a little weird to me.” My face felt like it was on fire. “Besides, we’re (aherm!) very different biologically speaking.” I kept wishing I had a rock to hide under.
Thorax shrugged. “I’m sure we could make it work.” He smiled. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed. Sorry if I weirded you out.”
“Are you attracted to me that way?” I asked with interest.
He nodded. “Yeah. It’s a little strange for me too. Don’t worry, I’m happy to wait until you’re a little more comfortable with it.” His smile grew. “May I at least be a gentlecolt and walk you home for the day?”
I folded my arms. “Technically, my realm is around the corner from the entire multiverse, so it’s really close by. Yes, actually. I think I’d like that.”
Thorax cleared his throat. “Dichotomy, dualism, duplex! Dichotomy, dualism, duplex!” he proclaimed. The portal to my realm opened on cue.
“You know, if somepony stopped you from being able to use your natural magic, I’m not sure you could do that, even with the passcode. I sort of coded the entrance to all of you, and your magic is a part of you. Sorry, blathering again. Shall we?” He nodded.
He walked me through, and we stayed on the edge of the sidewalk for a minute. “I’m keeping that sculpture,” he said with a smile. “Is it close to what you looked like?”
“Not really, no. I’m a terrible sculptor, I just enjoy it. If you really do want to know what I looked like, I can draw you a picture, I’m slightly better at that. Just please don’t let anyling see it, I’m not exactly supposed to talk about it, I just have no filter.” I smiled. “So, you got a music box, and a sculpture of an alien from another universe. Was that a good enough haul for your hatch day?”
Thorax nodded. “Yes. Honestly, my favorite part was seeing you again. I’m sure the Changelings will come around to liking you, just give them time. Pharynx is definitely getting a chewing-out from me.”
We walked up to the front door, the house loomed above us. I swallowed nervously. My paw was shaking as I pulled out my keys to unlock the door.
Thorax licked his lips, and looked at me with a puzzled expression. “What’s that emotion? I’ve never tasted it before.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said flatly.
Thorax’s eyes widened. “It’s almost like ter-”
“ByeThoraxthanksforanotherwonderfuldayseeyoulater!” I slammed the door in his face before he could finish that sentence. I looked around the hall, which was full of lengthening shadows, and wondered why my paws wouldn’t stop shaking.
Over the next week, I was mostly on my own. I hated it. I wanted to visit my friends, but they were just that: my friends, not my puppets. They all had lives of their own, and I couldn’t just randomly drop by to cheer myself up, I wasn’t Discord. Even Thorax was too busy to let me visit.
Discord did drop by at an ungodly hour of the morning one day. Just because I didn’t physically need sleep didn’t mean I was ever going to convert to being a morning person. He told me that he was here to teach me a little more about being a Draconequus. I was interested in that, until I figured out what was involved.
He and I teleported to an empty patch of space, and he started putting my through paces. Judging from his overusing a whistle, the baseball cap, and the glint in his eyes, it was obvious that he was enjoying being a drill instructor for the day.
He had me attempt everything he could think of, and he had a better imagination than I did. Long-range teleportation, creation, destruction, shapeshifting, locating a point in space-time, almost anything I could have thought magic could do, and a few I hadn’t conceived of before.
When he was done, he dropped me back off at my realm. “I thought you were going to teach me about Draconequui?” I asked.
“I did. It’s not my fault if you didn’t learn the lesson. By the way, the Council is hoping to meet you soon.” He gave a cheery wave, and disappeared to gods-knew where. I collapsed into an armchair. Interestingly, if I thought about something in terms of a duality and how I could alter it, we hadn’t found anything I hadn’t been able to pull off. The more I practiced it, the easier it came, until I wasn’t consciously thinking about it. I learned really quickly that performing that much magic in so short a time completely drained me, so I had to limit what I did, instead of being able to constantly play God.
Two days after my trail run, I found a note from Twilight on my front porch. I had no idea how Spike was able to send a message to an alternate dimension. I was going to have to ask Twilight how they pulled that off. She had invited me to spend the day with her in Ponyville. My cheer rattled the windows.
I immediately showed up in the throne room, and cleared my throat. She jumped slightly. “Do you always have to turn up behind somepony?”
I shrugged. “It’s more fun that way.”
“Well, could you be a bit more obvious that you’ve teleported? You’re too quiet.”
“Sorry. I’ll work on that. It is fun to watch ponies jump though.” She rolled her eyes.
“So, what do I owe an invitation to? I’ve been wanting to drop by for a while, but I knew you were busy.”
“Why, were you spying on me again?” she snarked.
“No, I just knew better than to bother you. I wish I could have visited earlier, I’ve been a little lonely lately.”
“Well, you’re here now! Come on, I haven’t gotten out of the library for a few days-”
“Six .” Spike mouthed at me.
“So, I thought I’d just go for a walk, and see how everypony’s doing!”
“Sure, sounds good.”
As we walked into town, everypony smiled, and gave a cheery wave. Part of me made a mental note: Get the ponies of Ponyville to like me: check. Get the Changelings to not hate me: not checked, add to ‘to do,’ underline in red.
Twilight was talking, and I was only half paying attention. She said, “Actually, since you moved out, it’s been refreshingly quiet around town. Er, no offence. Would you believe we haven’t had a monster attack in over six months! That’s got to be a record! Oh! Rarity said we could all get together for a spa day. Since you can pull bits out of thin air, would you like to come?”
I was probably hallucinating, but I could have sworn I heard the sound a record makes when it stops working. I looked at Twilight with worry. “Could you repeat that please?”
Twilight blinked. “Would you like to go to the spa with us?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I meant the bit before that. How long has it been since you’ve had a monster attack?”
“Over six months.”
I gave Twilight a slightly crazed grin. “Any really pressing friendship problems?” She shook her head. “Map adventures?!” She shook her head again. I covered my face with my paws, in a pretty good impression of a weeping angel. “Great! We’re doomed! That just means we’re overdue for something even worse.”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight said in an angry tone.
“Around this point, something like a new villain showing up happens. I just know how stories work, OK?”
Twilight glared at me. “What are you talking about? We’re not fictional characters.”
“Of course not.” The usual brick wall had popped up directly behind Twilight, and it took up the entire street. Since the townsponies couldn’t see it, and walked through it like it wasn’t there, I assumed it wasn’t. I had the distinct feeling that if it could have, the wall would be making funny faces at Twilight behind her back. “Scat!” I yelled at it.
“Who are you talking to?!”
“Squirrel,” I said as the wall disappeared. “It’s fine, it’s gone now. I’m just overreacting about the whole peace and quiet thing, I’m sure. I don’t think my going to the spa would be a good idea. As you know very well, I’m not good at relaxing, or even at chillaxing. How about I meet you all at Sugarcube Corner after you’re done?”
Twilight nodded. “Sure, but you’ll have a long wait. You’ll be alright on your own?”
I grinned. “It’s been a while since I’ve turned the town upside-down, and now that I have magic, weeelllll…” The glare I got would have scorched my eyebrows off. “Can’t anypony take a joke anymore?” Twilight sighed heavily, and headed off to be with her friends. My fingers twitched slightly, I guess I was nervous.
I just sort of wandered around town for a bit. I’d only been gone for slightly over two weeks, but it was still nice to see everything. I sort of felt like living in Ponyville was another chapter of my life, and I couldn’t get it back quite the way it had been. I stopped in the middle of the street, blinking in surprise. Thinking the word “chapter” had given me the weirdest feeling. I shook it off.
After about three hours, Twilight and her friends finally returned to the outside world. “Hiya, Halvsies!” said Rainbow.
“Hello to you too. Well, how was it?”
“Simply divine!” sighed Rarity happily. “You really should have joined us, it would have done wonders for your fur!”
“Thanks, but just drying off after taking a shower is irritating enough. Twilight tell you about my treat?”
“Mmm-hmm!” said Pinkie happily. She then zoomed off in a pink blur.
“There’s no halfway with her, is there?” I commented drily.
“Well, she does work at Sugarcube Corner, so it makes sense for her to be there before us,” said Twilight.
“I guess so.”
When we got there, I glanced at the menu. “Let’s see … I’d like-”
Pinkie held up a glass. “One peanut butter malt with coconut, and chocolate!”
I blinked in surprise. “That’s … exactly what I would have ordered. How’d you do that?”
“I know my business!” Pinkie said with a grin.
After everypony got their orders, we sat at a table. Starlight casually told me, “So, I got a letter from Thorax about his hatch day …” I choked on my drink. “… all good, of course,” she finished with a puzzled expression.
“That’s good,” I said weakly.
“Although, he says you said you were kind of violent when you were younger?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. There’s not much I can do to deny it. Actually, I’m still a bit violent, I just control it much better.”
Rainbow raised a brow. “You’ve never eaten anypony or anything, have you?”
I smirked. “I didn’t exist here until a few days before Fluttershy found me in the woods. In the year that I’ve been here, the closest thing I’ve had to meat is eggs. Besides, there aren’t a lot of people back home who actually eat hors- oh gods, I did it again.” I muttered. I downed the rest of my malt. “See you all later!” I said quickly. I payed for everypony’s sugar-rush, and I swept out, the door nearly catching my cheetah tail as I left.
I was sitting on a park bench, when the CMC came up to me. “Hiya, Dra- Secundus!” said Applebloom.
“Hi, it’s nice to see you again.”
Applebloom looked to the other two. “So, me and the girls were wondering…”
“Can you make it snow in summer?” asked Scootaloo excitedly.
*Snap!* *WHUMPH!* Three heads popped out of a freshly-created snowbank. “Awesome!” cheered Scootaloo.
As the three dashed off, I heard a throat being cleared angrily behind me. I turned, and saw Twilight, Starlight, and Spike. Twilight had that special glare she reserved just for me. I sighed. “It’s only in the park, it’ll be melted by the late afternoon, and it isn’t cold enough to damage the plants. Can’t I at least try and make them smile?” Twilight rolled her eyes, and nodded. “Besides, I’ve wanted to make it snow in summer since I was a kid!” I said smugly.
As Twilight opened her mouth to tell me off, I clutched my stomach. There was a knot in there that was working its way up my throat. I felt like I was going to throw up, only worse. As my cheeks bulged, Twilight asked “Uh, you OK?”
“Uurrrp!” Black and white flames shot out of my mouth, along with a scroll. Spike started rolling on the ground laughing. “So that’s what that feels like,” I said queasily.
I picked the scroll up, and brushed the snow off of it. It had a rather ornate seal of a Draconequus with its tail in its mouth like an ouroboros. I sliced the scroll open, and squinted at it. The writing was fairly loopy calligraphy, so I read it out loud to try and make sense of it. “To Secundus, Spirit of Duality: Many congratulations, and warm regards. You are hereby summoned to a specially-convened meeting of the Draconequine Council, starting …. Now?” I asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
*BAMF!*
I’d traveled across dimensions before, but only a few short trips. This felt like I was being pulled out of any dimension, and going somewhere very, very ‘other.’ When it stopped, I leaned against a wall, and waited for my head to stop spinning. I then examined the wall. It was an image of space that was moving, galaxies and stars slowly wheeling across it. The floor looked the same, as did the ceiling. I got the feeling that I was in space, in a room with walls and a floor that weren’t there, but somehow were. At that point, the headache got really bad.
“Hi there! Glad you could finally make it!” called a familiar voice. I looked up, and saw Discord.
“Nice to see you too,” I said. “Where am I?”
Discord shrugged. “Nowhere. Everywhere. Does it matter? This is a meeting and a party to welcome you! We’re lucky to get a new Draconequus maybe every four eons, so it’s always a reason to celebrate! When you’re up for it, I’ll introduce you to everyDraconequus!”
After a few feet, Discord’s fur bristled, and he slightly snarled out of reflex. “Hello, Steve,” he said in the tone of voice you address the black sheep of the family with.
“Hello, Discord!” said Steve in far too cheery a tone. Steve was about the same height as Discord, and a light tan from head to hooves. He didn’t have any horns, and his mane was very carefully combed, and his dark brown goatee was much shorter and more carefully trimmed than mine or Discord’s. His eyes were a light grey. He was perfectly symmetrical, bear paws for hands, goat hooves for feet, lengthy otter tail. He looked perfectly harmless, but I got the feeling that’s what made him dangerous. Something about him made me think of an auditor, and lots of paperwork. Discord was glaring at him with unconcealed contempt.
“Woah!” I said in surprise.
“Yes?” said Steve in his slightly nasal voice.
I blinked to make sure I was still seeing it. “When you two get close enough, I can actually see your magic interacting.” It was true, Discord’s purple-plaid aura was colliding with Steve’s dark grey aura, then the two would magnetically repel each-other in the shape of a breaking wave. “Are you the Spirit of Order?”
“Smart kid,” Steve said with a grin. “Hope this one hasn’t messed you up for life,” he said with a glare at Discord. Discord growled back.
“Why do you two hate each other?” I asked.
Discord shouted, “Because he imposes rules on everything and takes the joy out of existence,” at the same time Steve shouted, “Because he ruins eons of careful work just for a laugh!”
“You do know you need each other, right?” I asked.
“Hardly ,” Discord growled.
“Without order, there would be never-ending changelessness, and chaos would simply be the new order. Permanent unpredictability becomes predictable.” I turned to Steve. “Just order becomes stagnation, no change means no growth. No growth, no life, no point to the universe. Just rocks orbiting dead stars. Life needs chaos in order to exist, and order needs chaos to give it a definition.”
“Well, you do make a valid point, but don’t expect us to form a truce anytime soon,” Discord sighed. “Eons of antagonism aren’t going to go away overnight.”
“Then have a working antagonism instead of just trying to destroy one another’s work.”
Rather than reply to that, Steve smirked, and said, “There’s a buffet if you think you could be hungry.” I nodded, and he led me over to a table.
“Hey! You have those sandwich wrap things!”
Steve chuckled. “They’re only here because you want them to be. Don’t worry, I won’t judge your definition of ‘party food.’”
I thought for a minute and held out a paw. Eel sushi. I pictured. A plateful popped into my paw. I grinned and ate almost the whole plate at once.
Steve laughed again. “I’m beginning to see why you and Discord get along so well. You know, if you like that , there’s a kind of … ‘burrito’ very similar on a small planet about twenty steps away from Equestria you’d like. I’d be happy to take you some time.”
“Thanks, I’d like that.” Steve clapped me on the back, and spotted someDraconequus he wanted to say “Hello” to. He wandered away.
A voice came from behind me, followed immediately by another, the two had a conversation like a game of tennis, back and forth between them.
“Sorry, couldn’t help but overhear-”
“Great job getting those two to not kill each other-”
“Don’t worry-”
“We’ve got our duality sorted perfectly between us.”
Behind me were two male Draconequui. One was white, with gold eyes, rabbit ears and paws, a rabbit’s tail, and no horns. The other was black, with red eyes, scaly hands and feet, goat ears, ram’s horns, the typical “demon tail,” and red markings throughout his fur. He was also trailing smoke, or something that looked like smoke.
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” said the white Draconequus. He pointed at himself. “Hulis,”
The other cut in with “and Yfel,” the two then bowed with a flourish, “at your service!” they said in unison, sounding like Fili and Kili from The Hobbit .
My head tilted as I thought for a minute. “Good and Evil?”
Yfel smiled. “Yes!”
“Are you two … twins ?” I asked uncertainly.
“Yep!” said Yfel.
“But I’m older,” said Hulis.
“By two minutes!” groaned Yfel. He turned to me and sighed theatrically. “Honestly, he’s been lording that over me my entire life. His concept really isn’t all that much older than mine, despite what he says.”
“Says the Spirit who invented lying,” said Hulis with a grin.
Yfel rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t mean I’m always lying,” he muttered. He then put an arm around me. “It’s a pity you work for this two-headed brother of mine,” he said, pointing with his thumb, “evil’s a lot more fun. We could have used another Draconequus willing to turn reality inside out for fun.”
“Who’s the oldest Draconequus?” I asked with curiosity.
“Tempus,” said Hulis as Yfel said “Nova.” “They’re the only ones who know how old they are, or which of them is older,” continued Hulis. “It’s a bit of a running joke, especially since neither of them will tell the rest of us exactly how old they are. Tempus is the head of the Council. I think you’ll like him. Nova is his wife, they’ve been married almost as long as they’ve existed. Anyways, we’ve got to disappear for a bit, but it was nice to meet you. Looking forward to working with you in future, cousin.”
After they left, I remembered that Draconequui all referred to each other as “cousin.” A few seconds later, something thin and pointy poked me in the lower back. “Excuse me, ” came a feminine, whispery voice, “Could you pass the quiche there to your left? ”
“Sure,” I said, turning around, “here you – YEEEAAAUUGGH!!!!” Standing behind me was a silk spider the size of a German Shepheard, with legs twice as long as my arm. I dropped the plate and ran for my life.
Discord found me trying to hide in a corner of the room. “What’s up?” he asked with interest.
“T-there’s a giant spider !” I croaked.
Discord laughed. “Oh, that’s just Destiny. She’s the Spirit of – well, I’m sure it’s fairly self-explanatory.”
“I don’t like spiders,” I muttered.
“Judging by the way you’re twitching, and the fact that you smell scared enough to wet yourself, I’d have to say no, you don’t,” Discord said with an evil grin. “Why don’t you?”
“They remind me of my dad,” I said quietly.
“Why would spiders remind you of-”
“I DON’T want to talk about it!” I snapped.
“Fair enough,” Discord shrugged. “She’s really very nice when you get to know her. You’ll have to get used to it eventually, but … I guess you can take it a step at a time. For example, I am plagued by nightmares of fluffy bunnies, but I’m sure you can work that one out.” He smiled.
A thought struck me. “Under that annoying personality, and the endless put-downs, you actually care about me, don’t you?” I was grinning evilly as I said it.
Discord stammered, “Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I-”
“Don’t try to deny it, Discord!” laughed a passing Draconequus. I stared at it. It looked like a floating brain, with tiny electrons orbiting it. I got the feeling it was genderless. It was also levitating a large pile of what looked suspiciously like Snickers bars.
I looked around the room more carefully. While most of the Draconequui did follow the noodle-horse design, some looked very different. There was Destiny, the floating brain, a Draconequus who looked like green flames writhing around, and one whose physical appearance couldn’t be accurately described the minute you looked away from … him?
“I thought ‘Draconequus’ meant ‘Dragon-pony?’” I asked.
“Well, we don’t all look alike, any more than humans all look alike,” came a voice to my left. The Draconequus who spoke was even taller than Discord, and very friendly looking. He was almost the same shade of brown as Steve, but with long black hair that curled into ringlets. His hair matched his beard, and both nearly went down to his waist. His tail was long and furry, like a cat’s. He had a spectacular rack of reindeer antlers, and hazel eyes that twinkled. He also had the smile of someone who knew far more than they would ever let on. In a funny way, he reminded me of Santa Claus.
“Besides, we don’t always have the same shape, as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now,” he continued.
I thought about it. “When Discord had me chase him … I was a lion on another world. It just sort of happened, I didn’t even have to think about it.”
“Naturally, I was a fox,” said Discord with a grin. He then gestured at the other Draconequus, “Secundus, this is Tempus, Spirit of Time, and head of the Draconequine Council.”
“Nice to meet you the right way ‘round,” said Tempus, shaking my paw.
“Uh, should I bow, or something?”
“Only if you have the overwhelming need to do so,” said Tempus with a wide grin. “I don’t feel the need to be worshiped. This one, on the other paw,” he said, pointing at Discord. “On Melaven they offer a sacrifice once a month to appease him and keep him away from their planet. You do know it’s blasphemy for a Spirit to claim to be a god, don’t you Discord?” Tempus teased.
“I don’t claim to be a god, I just … don’t dissuade anyone of the notion I am a god,” Discord said innocently. “If mortals want to worship me, who am I to stand in their way?”
Tempus rolled his eyes. He then sighed, and said, “Regrettably, there is a business aspect to this meeting, we’ll be starting in about twenty minutes. Enjoy yourselves!” He swept away.
Discord conjured up some chocolate milk, and offered me a glass. “So, how goes it with you and the bug?” he asked.
“Thorax and I are doing just fine, thank you. How are you and Fluttershy doing?” Discord choked on his glass. “Fair’s fair,” I said with a grin.
Discord sighed. “If you must know, I’ve officially asked her out. Yes , on a date. Don’t pry any more than that. Just because your boyfriend eats love, it doesn’t make you an expert on the subject.”
“Are you cutting in on my business?” asked a voice jokingly. A silver Draconequus with deep red hair and green eyes floated over to us.
Discord broke into a smile. “Seraphina! Glad you could make it! Secundus, this is Seraphina, Spirit of Love.”
“Among, other, related emotions,” she said with a toothy smile. It took me a minute to get what she meant. She then gave a less scary smile, and said, “I’m glad you and Thorax met, you two are perfect together!”
My treacherous mouth blurted out, “You didn’t force us to fall in love, did you?”
Seraphina looked shocked. “Of course not! I never do that!” She then thought about it. “I … might have given you a gentle nudge, but that’s all.”
I folded my arms. “Going from complete strangers to coltfriends in less than forty-eight hours is not a gentle nudge, that’s skipping at least three stages of courtship.” I said flatly.
Seraphina shrugged. Seeing I didn’t believe her, she sighed, and said, “I swear on the First Sentence that I did not force you or Thorax to fall in love with each other.”
EveryDraconequus in the room let out a gasp, and in one fluid motion, ran to the other end of the room. I was the only Draconequus within four feet of Seraphina. One of the Draconequui closer to us was trying to elbow his way into the crowd.
“What just happened?” I asked.
Discord pulled me into the huddle. “That thing you just got her to do? Swearing by the-” A paw was quickly clamped over his mouth. He rolled his eyes, and removed it. “If she’s being untruthful, you do not want to be in the fallout zone.” When there wasn’t some sort of nuclear explosion, everyDraconequus relaxed, and went back to the party.
“See?” Seraphina said in a reasonable tone.
I nodded. “What’s the … thing you swore by?”
“If the multiverse is a story, the First Sentence is what created it, and got it moving. The gods get … tetchy if you swear falsely by it.”
“It’s not like the gods would kill us, right?” I joked. EveryDraconequus was suddenly very interested in watching a large galaxy wheel across the ceiling. “Oh.” I croaked.
Discord sighed. “They’re one of the only things that can kill us. It’s incredibly rare, but if a Draconequus ruins creation too much, irreversibly by our standards, it does happen. When it happens, they don’t just kill the Draconequus, they unmake them. So that they never existed at all, and not even we can remember them. We don’t know how many times it’s happened, just that it has. The gods are usually very nice, loving, merciful people, but … don’t make them too angry.” This last part was said with a smile. I swallowed, and nodded.
Seraphina smiled, and said, “I really didn’t do much for you and Thorax, you two are practically soulmates.”
“I don’t believe in soulmates,” I growled.
“Doesn’t mean they don’t believe in you,” she said with a wink. At that, I chuckled.
“You know kid, I think we’re all going to get to like you,” a voice said from behind me. I heard it with my ears, but it sounded like it was in the back of my head.
Looking around, I saw a walking skeleton. It followed the Draconequus noodle design, it was mostly spine, with human looking arm bones, and velociraptor legs, feet, and claws. It had a cat skull, and a long, bony tail, which ended in a long, curved bone that looked like a giant claw, or, if you thought about it another way, a scythe.
“Spirit of Death?” I asked him. I got the feeling he was a him, not an it.
“And Entropy,” he said, extending a hand. “Name’s Encore.”
“Pleasure to meet you. ‘Encore’ is a funny name for the Spirit of Death.”
Encore’s fixed grin somehow seemed to widen. “In a play or a musical, an encore is the number that comes after the main work is concluded, as a way of thanking the audience for coming. Trust me, it fits. Oh, since my cousin was kind enough to remind me that you’re in a relationship with a mortal, I have one or two things about that to tell you that I’m uniquely qualified to.”
“Just out of curiosity, is there an afterlife?”
One of Encore’s eye sockets grew noticeably darker for a second. “That would be telling,” he said. I figured out that he had winked. “See you around little cousin, I’ve got a lot to tell you.” He stalked off to join the party.
Tempus’s sense of timing was, naturally, flawless, and exactly twenty minutes after he’d said so, he called, “If we could all please have a seat? We need to begin.”
At one end of the long room were rows of seats, in front of a table with ornately designed chairs behind it. We all took our seats, I was apparently supposed to sit front and center, thankfully Discord was right next to me.
I looked at the Draconequine Council with interest, they were my bosses after all. Tempus sat at the center of the long table. To his right was a floating spiral galaxy, he was holding the tip of one of its arms the way you would hold someone’s hand. I figured that this was Nova, his wife. I got the feeling that she was the size of an actual galaxy, I was just seeing her from a long way off.
To Nova’s right was the floating brain Draconequus, to its right sat Hulis and Yfel.
The left side of the table only had two Draconequui, neither of whom I’d been introduced to. One looked like a floating Draconequus shadow, and was studying me intently. The other Draconequus looked like it was made of pinkish crystal.
Tempus banged a gavel. “So! Now that we are all here who ought to be all here…” There were some chuckles from the crowd. “As I’m sure most of us are aware, we have a new addition to the family. EveryDraconequus, this is Secundus, the Spirit of Duality. Be nice to him, he’s a little out of his depth.”
“Hello, everyDraconequus, I hope that I can get to know you better, and hopefully get along with all of you, this is really new for me.”
“Aw, we’re fine, once you get to know us!” called someDraconequus from the back. EveryDraconequus laughed.
“Is it true you’re an ascended human?” asked the Draconequus next to me with interest. I nodded. “Woah. That’s new,” he said with shock. “I wonder why They did that.”
“I have no idea,” I said with a smile. “I didn’t exactly ask for it.”
“Humans are pretty chaotic, but for a mortal species, they’ve got a great gift for opening their minds to other worlds,” said Steve with a smile.
“You know, if I pick that apart in my head for a few days, I could almost get it to sound like a compliment.” I snarked.
“You’re welcome,” Steve replied.
Tempus cleared his throat. “So, Secundus, if it hasn’t been explained to you, your newfound occupation is to solve problems with dualities across the multiverse. Luckily for you, they’re very rare. Problems with time on the other paw…. Anyways, after enough practice, you’ll be able to sense when and where a duality problem arises, as well as which specific duality is the issue. For now, we’ll be nice, and tell you when and where any arise. Since almost any concept can fit into a duality, you might just be one of the more powerful Sprits here. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be on the Council one day.”
“You’d give the trainee a spot on the Council?!” shouted Steve in outrage.
“Not for hundreds of years. Relax. I’m sure you can always run for reelection,” said Tempus with a grin.
“I never win the popular vote,” muttered Steve.
“So, we’re a democratic , representative, oligarchy?” I asked in confusion.
“Something a bit like that,” said the Draconequus who was surprised I had been human. He was grinning.
“So, welcome Secundus, if you have any questions, track one of us down and ask, just don’t always straight answer,” finished Tempus. I opened my mouth. “All the time in the worlds. Actually, much more that just that ,” he answered with a smile. I hadn’t even asked the question.
“Are you reading my mind?” I asked in a confused tone. Tempus shrugged.
“He’s omniscient,” whispered Discord.
“Oh.” I said.
Tempus banged his gavel. “I declare this meeting adjourned.” As everyDraconequus got up, and started to head back out into the multiverse, Tempus walked over to me, bent down, and stared right in my eyes. I hissed in slight pain. “Sorry. Some free advice for the future: Second chances? Be sure to pass them on.” With that puzzling statement, he faded out.
Within minutes, Discord and I were the only ones in the large star-hall. “So, what did you think? You somehow hung on to your sanity.”
“You sound disappointed. Actually, I like them. They’re a bit like much friendlier versions of the Q.”
Discord let out an exaggerated happy squeal. “I’ve never found another Draconequus who likes that show!” Discord snapped his fingers, and was quickly dressed in a yellow Command Uniform. I looked down and saw that I was a redshirt, with a phaser burn eating through my left heart.
“Har, Har.” Discord pulled out a phone and snapped a selfie of us. “I would have taken you for a Next Generation fan,” I commented.
Discord waved his talons dismissively. “Oh, Johnny’s alright in his own way, but Kirk really new how to have fun. Besides, I don’t want you giving away any secret identities.” I laughed at that. “So, I guess I’ll take you home now.”
My words started coming out in a rush. “Dowehaveto? I mean, there’s so much I want to ask, or see, or, or – Say, why don’t we-”
Discord smiled. “There’ll be time for all that, don’t worry.” He snapped his fingers, and we were standing on the porch of my Realm. Discord then sniffed. “You smell almost as scared as when you met Destiny. What’s up?”
Discord, the actual Spirit of Chaos, backed away at the crazed smile I gave him. It was just one step, but still. “NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! It’s just a house, right?!!! It’s not like it hears my every thought!! It’s just empty! Big deal! So what? TOODLES!!!” I slammed and locked the door, digging my claws into my left arm.
A week after I met with the Council, Thorax was sleeping peacefully in bed. He started twitching in his sleep, something felt horribly wrong in his head. He then sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily. He heard something else breathing raggedly, mixed in with the occasional sob. He looked across the room, and saw two glowing blue irises in the dark.
“GAAAAAAHHH!!!” He screamed.
“H-Hi.” I managed to get out.
Thorax examined the clock on the wall in the dark, Changeling have very good night vision. “Sec?” he groaned, “It’s three-thirty in the morning. Go home.”
“I am home,” I said quietly.
Thorax then realized where what he’d been feeling in his nightmare had come from. “Holy Celestia! What is wrong with you?!”
“D-don’t – don’t make m-me go back,” was all I got out.
“What? ” Thorax asked in a confused tone.
I stared at the floor in front of my hoof and paw, just sitting for a minute. “D-don’t make me be alone. Please . When I’m alone for too long, I think horrible things, … and I just – I can’t – The shadows start talking, and I can’t tell them from me, and … all I can do is stop myself from screaming. Don’t make me go somewhere I can find me.”
Thorax’s mouth dropped open. “I swear, I had no idea!”
“I know. I’m not a talker.” I looked up, trying to look him in the eyes. “When I’m with you, that part of me doesn’t talk. Ever. That makes you my home, so wherever you are, I’m home. Don’t take that away from me. Don’t make me go back, please.”
Thorax got off the bed, and slowly trotted over to me. He extended a hoof, and I bit down a snarl in the back of my throat. He then sat down, and put his leg around me, leaning against me. He noticed dark blue crust on my arm. “What-?” I held out my claws. “Sec…” he said softly.
“It’s … not what it looks like. I just dig my nails into my arm sometimes, and I’d forgotten I have claws now.”
We sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes, not knowing what to say. Finally, Thorax stood up, walked over to his bed, and took the comforter in his mouth. “’ove over,” he got out.
“What?”
Thorax spat the blanket out. “Move over.”
“Why?”
Thorax sighed. “You’re a nervous wreck, but if you sleep in my bed, I know I’ll do something you’re not ready for yet, so move over.”
I scooted over. Thorax laid down, and draped the comforter over us. “We need to talk, but for now, I want to get back to sleep,” he said in a tired tone.
I nodded. “G’night. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Within ten minutes Thorax was snoring adorably. After putting an arm over him, and listening to him breathe, I somehow knew that it would all be OK.
The next morning, Thorax woke up, and I quickly gave him some personal space. He stretched like a cat again. I wondered if he did that every morning. Part of me wanted to find out. He looked at me. “Not a dream…” he said with a tired smile. I’d honestly forgotten what not getting a full night’s sleep did to a person.
“Nope, it’s me, your knight in shining abusrdity.”
“You aren't too absurd,” he said with a laugh.
“Mmm. Probably not.” I passed him a steaming Styrofoam cup.
Thorax smiled, and took a deep sip. His eyes widened in shock. “AACKPPPTHHH!” he spat it out. “What is that?”
I took the cup, and gave it a cautious sniff. “Heh. Whoops. I was thinking one too many things at once, and accidentally made coffee with Red Bull instead of water.”
Thorax turned greener than normal. He then actually laughed. “I … appreciate the thought, but I think I’d rather wake up under my own power.” I nodded, and sent the cup back into non-existence. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Thorax said kindly.
“Cheater,” I said with a smile.
“Evolutionary advantage,” Thorax said with a smug grin.
I looked around the room, getting a better view in the daylight. There was a queen-sized bed, a dresser, a desk, various comic or movie posters on the walls, and some shelves. True to Thorax’s word, his music box, and my sculpture had a place on one of the shelves. I stretched, working out the kinks in my spine. “So … thank you. That made more of a difference than I would have thought possible. I should get going, I’m sure you’ve got a busy day.”
“Actually … would you mind staying for a bit? There’s something I want to do, and I really need your help to do it.”
“Sure. What is it?”
“HE’S WHAT?!!” all the Changelings shouted.
“Moving in,” Thorax said firmly. “I’m not going to hear any arguments about it.” My mouth dropped open.
“Doesn’t he have his own private dimension?” asked a Changeling in the second row.
Thorax looked at me. I shook my head. “He … can’t live there. The reason why is personal.”
“So where’s he going to live, your room?” said a Changeling with an evil grin.
“No. There’s a room down the hall we’re not using he can convert. Now, if everyling could get back to work?” The Changeling scattered.
“You really are more assertive,” I said in slight shock. Thorax grinned. “I wasn’t asking to move in, I was just having a bad night, and you really don’t have to-”
“You’re terrified of that house, right?” I closed my eyes, and nodded. “Then it’s settled. I don’t want you to have to go through anything like that again. Besides, it’s a lot easier for you to move in with me than for me to move in with you.”
I chuckled. “True, that.”
Thorax led me to the hall where his room was, and pointed at an open entrance. “Well, I said room, but it’s more of a broom closet. Plus, there’s no door. Changelings aren’t used to doors yet. I figured you could always-” *SNAP! * “Just do that,” he finished, looking at the now bigger room. I opened a hole in space, and pulled my journal out, as well as some books that I started putting on the new shelves. “No bed?” Thorax asked in a puzzled tone.
I shrugged. “I don’t sleep more than maybe once or twice a month, and that’s a lot of sleep for that month. The floor’s fine, it’s actually kind of warm.”
“Ookaaayy,” Thorax teased.
“Is it alright if I wander the halls a bit? If I’m going to live here, I’d like to be able to find my way around much better than I currently can. I promise not to break anything.”
“Sure!” Thorax grinned. “If you need anything, just ask a Changeling. They have to get used to you , too.”
I chuckled. “That’s probably going to be a lot harder.” Thorax gave a wave goodbye, and buzzed off into a slowly-shifting doorway. I sat at the small desk, and wrote a letter to Twilight, asking her to inform her friends about my change of address. I also sent a letter to the Council. If Tempus really was omniscient, it probably wasn’t necessary, but I’m a creature of habit.
I then started to meander the halls, not really having a particular destination in mind, just trying to memorize where everything was most of the time. When Changelings spotted me, they would either smile and wave, or bust up laughing, then start whispering with their friends. I’d gotten worse reactions, so I was thankful it was this mild.
I rounded a corner, and nearly ran over Pharynx. I wasn’t the best at reading people, but I didn’t have to be empathic to get a really good idea of what he was feeling. We just stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence. Pharynx then sighed, and said, “Look, to be honest, I don’t like you.” He held up a hoof to block my protest. “But! That doesn’t mean I can’t get used to you. I will give you one thing: you love my brother an amazing amount. I’ve never seen him happier, I guess he just needed someling to help him rediscover his inner grub,” Pharynx was actually grinning at that. He then looked upset. “Listen, I’m uh, sorry. For what I said that day. It’s just-”
“I’m incredibly annoying, I know.”
“You still shouldn’t have been listening!”
I held up my paws in defense. “It was a total accident! I swear!”
Pharynx chuckled. “I believe you.” He then smirked evilly, in a near-perfect copy of Thorax’s evil grin. “Just out of curiosity, could you do me a favor?”
I blinked. “Sure. What is it?”
“Some of the younger Changelings want to see if they could make it into the guards. I need to test them, and, well, having a target that’s a better shape-shifter than they are would really be hoofy. Don’t worry, I’ll tell them to take it easy on you.”
My eyes widened in fear. What did I just get myself into?
I slithered along the floor like an oversized snake, occasionally using my arms to drag myself along. Having a healing rate as fast as mine had probably saved my life, and my injuries were already quickly recovering. By some Rule of Funny, my goatee wasn’t covered under that insurance policy, and so the smoking stub would take a few weeks to grow back. The rest of my fur was also smoking lightly in some places. “‘Take it easy on me’ my-”
“What happened to you?” Thorax asked in shock.
I looked up at him and groaned. “I just spent most of the day being target practice for the new guard recruits. It’s my fault, I agreed to it without knowing what it was. It actually helped them a bit, but it hurt like hell.” I grinned. “Don’t worry, I got them back.”
“Oh, yeah? How?” Thorax asked with a grin.
“Compared to most of the lifeforms in the multiverse, I am essentially a very friendly, sci-fi and fantasy loving … Lovecraftian entity . On occasion, I act like it. They did ask me to shape-shift into dangerous things,” I said happily.
“They don’t know how good an imagination you have,” Thorax chuckled. “I’m not going to have to pay for anyling’s therapy, am I?” I gave a weak shrug. “Can you stand up?”
“I’d rather not for a while, what did you need?”
“Can you teleport?” I nodded. “There’s some caverns under the northwest section of the Hive. Can you take us there?”
“Easier done than said.” I looked around the caverns with interest. I stood up, and gave a loud, hissing snarl, my tongue flailing out of my mouth. I clapped a paw over it. “Please excuse me. I shouldn’t have stood up that quickly. Still sore!”
“So that’s what that looks like,” Thorax said.
“Yeeesss. What’re we doing here?”
Thorax took my paw, and led me over to a pool of water that was fed from an underground spring. I noticed it was steaming slightly. I dipped my lion paw in, and gave a happy sigh. I then dove right in.
“Hope that helps,” Thorax said with a grin. He walked out. Half an hour later, he walked back in. “So! How are you-” he noticed that I was still underwater. “SEC?!” His horn lit up, and I shot out of the water, ending up laying down on the cavern floor. Thorax noticed I wasn’t breathing, and put an ear to my chest.
I sat up, and glared. “I thought you wanted me to relax ?”
“… YOU WEREN’T BREATHING!” shouted Thorax.
“I was underwater! Even for me, drowning would be uncomfortable.”
Thorax burst out laughing, and started rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically.
After he clamed down a bit, I asked, “You OK?”
Thorax wiped away a tear. “Heh! Yeah. This just isn’t how I wanted your first day in the Hive to go.”
I smiled. “Me either, but, somehow, it worked.”
Thorax then did something completely unexpected, he leaned up and kissed me. One of my hearts stopped beating, and the other heartrate tripled. I could vaguely make out Thorax saying, “Oh, good grief, I think I broke him. Sec? Sec?! SEC?!!” he shouted right in my ear.
“Hmm?”
Thorax took note of my expression. “Let me guess,” he said with a raised eyebrow, “first kiss?”
“Mmm-hmm!” I nodded with a stupid grin on my muzzle.
Thorax chuckled. “Come on, let’s go home.”
A week later, in the middle of the night, I was laying on the “roof” of the Hive, looking up at the stars. I’d only seen that many stars at night when I was way up in the mountains, it was breathtaking. I had a flower in my paw, and was just idly picking petals off of it. I was also singing a round with myself.
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
There was a buzzing sound, and a night guard landed next to me, with an amused grin. “Kind of late to be outside.”
I shrugged, an embarrassed grin on my face. “Sorry. I don’t sleep. Unless I want to, which is kind of rare nowadays. I should have mentioned that.”
He chuckled. “That would have been useful to know, yes. I had no idea what you were when I heard you.” His grin got bigger. “I don’t think Dread Maulwurfs sing that well, though.”
I laughed. “Thanks. Stemmatal, right?”
He nodded. “Yep! Well, have a good evening! Stay safe, it can be a bit dangerous in the Badlands at night.”
I nodded and he flew back into the Hive. Thorax crossed my mind again, and I started singing under my breath.
When you want it the most,
There’s no easy way out
When you’re ready to go,
And you’re heart’s left in doubt
Don’t give up on your faith,
Love comes to those who believe it
And that’s the way it is!
It was at that exact instant that I realized something important, that I hadn’t put into words even in my head. Oh. I love him .
The next three months went by surprisingly quickly. I mostly just helped out around the Hive, doing small jobs. Within a month, I could find my around as well as a Changeling. Things were going spectacularly well for me.
True to his word, Encore wrote, and asked if he could drop by and explain one or two facts about mortal relationships, and he did. Once he realized how good I was at imitating voices, he also taught me something cool about his voice, and what it could be used for.
One afternoon, Twilight wrote me, and asked if I could drop by. I decided to take her literally, and belly-flopped into the castle. I stood up, and dusted myself off. I noticed that the rest of the Mane Six were there, and were all dressed for a trip up North.
“What’s up?” I asked.
Twilight held out a scroll. “We just got a letter from Cadence. She said she’s been a little on-edge lately. She doesn’t know why, nothing’s noticeably wrong. She just feels something spooky.”
“Well, it can be good to trust your gut.”
“Do you wanna go with us to visit her?” Pinkie asked eagerly.
I smiled. “Su-” There was a sound like an old-fashioned telephone ringing. Since the telephone hadn’t been invented in Equestria yet, there was only one thing it could be.
“What in the world is that?” asked Rarity.
“My pager,” I groaned. I held out a paw, and a letter popped into existence in it. I quickly scanned the letter, then I crinkled it up, and made it disappear. “Sorry. Duty calls. I’m sure Cadence and everypony are fine. What could happen?” I snapped my fingers, and disappeared out into the multiverse.
Two universes away, a large planet had inexplicably stopped rotating. Since this caused a problem in the duality of Day and Night, it fell under my jurisdiction. The locals were called the Vash’tu, and looked like anthropomorphic triceratops with a third, vertical eye in their foreheads. They were very advanced scientifically, but also firmly believed in Spirits, which meant I didn’t have to work undercover.
I hadn’t been expecting to just snap my fingers and be done with it, but it took longer than I expected. The Vash’tu scientists determined that they best way I could help would be to very lightly readjust the gravity of their suns and moons. I could do that, but it completely drained me. In order to determine that their planet wasn’t about to go spinning into a sun, the Vash’tu asked me to stay for an entire week while they ran tests. Once they were satisfied with my work, I was allowed to leave.
I decided to visit Twilight, so I popped into her castle, happy to be back to my noodly self, instead of a large dinosaur. “Hey, Twilight, you’ll never believe what I’m going to tell – Twilight?!” My voices echoed in the ominously quiet halls.
I checked over the entire Castle, nopony was in sight. I ran outside, and nearly fainted dead away. Ponyville looked like a ghost town that had been set for a siege. Dark thunderclouds rumbled overhead, and my mane stood on end, there was some seriously dark magic going on.
On a whim, I teleported to Canterlot Castle. The Princesses were nowhere to be found. I stuck my head through a wall, and saw the guards, most were trying to look stoic, but a few were huddled together sobbing. Remind me why they keep these guys around? I thought bitterly.
Stepping outside, I saw that Canterlot was also a siege town, albeit with better-decorated defenses. A horrible thought struck me. Thorax…
When I teleported to the Hive, instead of winding up inside, I was somehow thrown back, and wound up outside the Hive by a few feet. The same dark clouds were overhead, and I noticed something in the garden that did not belong there. It looked like a spire of polished black rock. I walked over, and flicked a claw against it. “Crystal?” I asked in confusion. Something in my memory was trying to get my attention, but was cut short when three Changelings pounced on me, pinning me to the ground, snarling all the while.
“Guys! It’s me!” I shouted.
“Prove it!” shouted the lead Changeling. “Say something only Secundus would say!”
I rolled my eyes. “Moosey is adorkable to the point it makes my teeth hurt, everybody’s crazy in some way, it’s called suffering from humanity, and green mouse and telephone ice cream tastes horrible.” I peered at the Changeling. “Your name is Mandible, when Thorax threw me a gourd fest your gourd turned into a stuffed Vampire Jackalope, and you like slow jazz.” I then snapped my fingers, turning the Badlands from color to black and white and back. “Satisfied?!”
He nodded, and they quickly pulled me into the much darker than normal interior of the Hive. “What is going on?!! I leave for one week , and Equestria looks like the set of The Trotting Dead! ”
“It’s Sombra! He’s back, no-one knows how! He took Twilight and her friends, the Princesses, everypony who could stand up to him!”
“So you’re telling me that the Princesses, Twilight and her friends, the royal guards, and the entire Changeling Swarm couldn’t stop him?!” I was snarling, and seeing red mist at the edges of my vision.
“There’s more,” muttered Mandible.
“What ?” I asked in a dangerous tone.
“Thorax. He has Thorax too.” Mandible blinked. “Er, Secundus?” but I was already gone.
Chapter Eight: In Which I Finally Snap
Chapter Eight:
In Which I Finally Snap
My entry into the Crystal Empire was not very flashy, I was simply there. My eyes hardened at what I saw. Twilight and her friends were bound in chains, along with Princess Cadence, Flurry Heart, Shining Armor, and Princesses Celestia and Luna. Their horns were all covered with a thick layer of black crystal. Thorax’s horn was also magic-proofed, and was inside of a transparent box you couldn’t have fit anything through, it was completely Changeling-proof. No matter what shape he took, he wasn’t getting out. They all looked terrified. I heard dark laughter, and the King of Shadows surfed over to me on a wall of black crystal. All of my fur stood on end, and I started to growl. I dropped down into my feral stance, I was seriously pissed off, and looked it.
“Evening.” I said conversationally. King Sombra and I began to circle each-other, although neither of us moved any closer to the other. I decided to keep the conversation moving. “You know, I’m still fairly new to being a Draconequus. I’ve been learning a lot about myself and my new species. Did you know Draconequi are monogamous? When we fall in love with mortals, we stay faithful to them, even after they’ve died. Sometimes, our love goes past even death. It can take us centuries to begin to love again, death doesn’t lessen our original love at all, even if we form another relationship. You’d like the Spirit of Death actually, he’s pretty nice, and you two have similar taste in color schemes.”
Sombra bared his teeth. “Is there some point to your blathering on?”
I nodded. “Yes, I’m getting to that. It’s been scientifically proven on several worlds, that when you threaten some species’ mates, it’s generally not a good idea. It can, in fact, be lethal. Most species have incredibly strong protective instincts where mates or children are concerned.” I pointed at his prisoners. “You have foal-napped the Princess of Friendship and her friends, who are likely the greatest threat to you. You have also foal-napped the rest of the ruling class of Equestria. Among those individuals is the best Changeling I have ever met. One that I could see myself growing old with. One that I’ve come to admit to myself I love completely and irreversibly. You not only foal-napped the Princesses, you not only foal-napped my friends , you foal-napped my mate.” My lips drew back in a snarl, and my eyes glowed threateningly. “You’re going to pay for that.”
Sombra did not take well to being threatened. He charged towards me, his horn lowered and glowing. When he arrived at where I was, I was gone. He looked all around him, but I couldn’t be found. “WHERE ARE YOU?!!!” He bellowed.
*******
The Crystal Empire.
1,022 Years Ago.
I ran towards the edge of the Empire on all fours, it was a slightly faster means of locomotion. I thought to myself, If I can still be killed, and I survive fighting with Sombra when I get back, I am so dead for this. If I actually am now immortal, the Draconequine Council will still find a creative way to kill me for this. Either way, I lose. Might as well die trying.
I then skidded to a halt, as the rational part of my mind started yelling at me. Thankfully, I wasn’t arguing with myself out loud this time.
-You can’t just kill him! You’re not a killer, I don’t care how angry you are.
-If I don’t kill him, my friends, the Princesses, and Thorax will all die, and Equestria will be thrown into eternal shadow. What do you want me to do, bake him cookies?
-Need I remind you what happens whenever anyone meddles with a timeline? Did you miss what happened when Starlight Glimmer tried that? Do you want Equestria to be blown up, or who-knows what?
-Touché. I can’t just do nothing, and fangs and claws aside, I’m useless in a fight. Do you have a spell up your mental sleeve I know nothing about?
-Well, we’re here now, I suppose we could use this somehow. You know, meddling in time is forbidden, and a Really Stupid Idea, but no Draconequus ever forbade pure observation.
-You want me to just watch? What good will that do?
-You tell me, we’re two sides of the same person.
I sighed. “Fine.” I spat. I then thought, I have got to stop taking to myself! I faded out of perception, only another Draconequus would have been able to tell I was there. I entered the Crystal Empire, and began to search for Sombra. To my surprise, I found him. I’d forgotten how far back I’d come, he was just a foal.
He was a light grey, with a long black mane, and bright green eyes. His flank was cutie mark-less, I suppose he hadn’t figured out he was good at enslaving ponies yet. He didn’t have a long, sharp red horn, it was just a short grey spiral. He looked younger than some of the foals and fillies back in Ponyville. He was just sitting by himself, kicking some dirt aimlessly with his hooves. Nopony even seemed to notice him. I fought down the urge to hurt him, and was surprised to find that part of me wanted to give him a hug, he looked so lonely. Knowing what either could do to the timeline, I just watched.
I sped up my perception of time, I didn’t want to leave things hanging for almost thirty years. Watching Sombra grow up was a very surprising turn of events. He’d been adopted by the royal family, he was an outsider of the Empire, and they were childless, so it worked out well. He was being groomed to be the next King of the Crystal Empire, and it weighed heavily on his withers. Due to being an outsider, as well as royalty, he had no friends of any kind growing up. The older colts were snobbish at best, cruel at worst. I knew I was spying, and doing it for horrible reasons, but I was amazed to find that he cried himself to sleep most nights. I hadn’t ever seen anyone who was that cut off from other ponies, or from other people in the case of my last life.
As Sombra approached late colt-hood, he was even more cut off from other ponies. The King was in failing health, and Sombra was shut away in the castle almost always, cramming in lessons on ruling. He looked miserable. He had developed an amazing aptitude for nearly all forms of magic, some of the formulas on the blackboards would have made even Twilight’s head hurt. If he had been able to attend Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, he would have been either amazing, or even more unstoppable. Curious, I watched more.
When the King died, Sombra was crowned ruler, and he swore an oath to serve and protect the Empire for all his days. I had to stop my scoff from breaking through the perception filter. He was only twenty-three, and already in charge of a kingdom. I thought I had seen enough, when something caught my eye. Specifically, it was a somepony, not a something.
She was a mare from a noble family, and it seemed mine wasn’t the only eye she caught. Sombra was fascinated with her. She was a unicorn, almost as tall as Sombra, and a deep purple, with light pink and purple hair. Her eyes were a sparkling amethyst. Part of me could have sworn she was Twilight’s great-to-the-umpteenth grandmother, there was so strong a resemblance. Her name was Winter Lilly.
Sombra courted her almost as awkwardly as I had courted Thorax. His foalish side came out, he was a wickedly good practical joker, and being a master of magic only aided him. She loved every stupid trick he played on her. She suggested to him a way to make the Crystal Heart more powerful: by powering it with the Empire’s love, not simply the King’s power. He arranged the spell, the results were impressive. He said to her that the King’s heart and the Crystal Heart were one and the same, and that she had changed his for the better.
I was unsurprised when they were married, it seemed like they were prefect for each other. I felt like I had intruded enough into Sombra’s life, but wanted to see what had made him turn into the Shadow Tyrant he was today. I fast-forwarded even more, and got my answer.
Winter Lilly had fallen ill. Nopony knew what the disease was called, but I recognized it as cancer. In this age, it was invariably fatal. To say that Sombra was devastated would have been the understatement of the decade. He threw himself back into his studies of magic, convinced that there must be a spell to help her. I’m not a betting kind of Spirit, but I would have made a fortune if I’d guessed that Sombra started to use Dark Magic to help her. The problem with Dark Magic is that it gives plenty, but it takes away so much more. Winter Lilly’s health improved, but she was in constant pain. I noticed a spark of darkness in Sombra, it soon grew, and grew.
Winter Lilly eventually asked Sombra to let her go. He refused, saying there must be some way to heal her completely. He delved further and further into Dark Magic, another problem with Dark Magic is that it’s addictive. Soon not only his personality changed, his appearance did as well. He warped into the King Sombra from the time I knew, more shadow than substance. He had stopped caring for the Empire, or his subjects, throwing all his time and energy into his desperation to defy Death.
He soon became cruel, delighting in making other ponies’ lives a misery. The only pony he didn’t constantly torment was Winter Lilly. In some sort of sick joke, a part of him still loved her. The rest of him wasn’t capable of love anymore. I think he genuinely forgot what had made him study Dark Magic so intently in the first place. He continued to experiment with it more and more, and the more he practiced, the better he got at it, and the more of a monster he became. I think he was the greatest dark mage in the history of Equestria.
He heard tell of a legendary crystal, one with the power to heal any illness completely. When he heard of it, he went to visit his wife. He was still prolonging her death, instead of giving her life. He simply stared at her sleeping form for an hour with a puzzled expression, as if trying to remember who or what she was. “I’ll fix you. … I promise.” With that, he walked out of the room, and began to fulfil his destiny.
His tyranny over his empire was complete, and he quickly bound his subjects in chains, forcing them to dig for this long-lost crystal day and night. I knew how the story went from here. Celestia and Luna came to the Empire, to deal justice. One royal ass-kicking later, Sombra was sealed in the ice, and the Crystal Empire was lost. When I heard his scream, I shuddered. What I didn’t know was that Winter Lilly had died the night before Sombra’s defeat, and he hadn’t noticed, he was so focused on helping her. The Princesses flew off, heartbroken at the loss of the Empire.
I knew that one thousand years later, the Empire would return, Sombra would be freed, and Twilight and her friends would defeat him once again, helping Twilight on her path to becoming a Princess. I also knew that Sombra would return once again, and I would come back here to do what I was doing now. Temporal loops and self-causing events always gave me a headache.
When I was certain that nopony was there to see, and I was out of the Princesses’ earshot, I faded back into view. The voice in my head came back. Well?
Enough , I spat back.
You feel sorry for him, don’t you? You know you can’t lie to me.
“ENOUGH!” I screamed out loud. “I’ve seen enough! Don’t you tell me what I should or shouldn’t do about this! Yes, I feel sorry for him! There, I’ve admitted it! Happy? I also want to paint the snow red with his innards. Any suggestions about how to resolve that , oh wise one?”
Well … … maybe one …
Winter Lilly lay in her bed, trying to sleep. She knew that even with her husband’s “help” she wouldn’t last much longer. She knew with a kind of sadness that this was her last night. There was a light knock at her door. “Come in,” she wheezed, coughing so hard a bit of blood came out.
I walked into the room. She looked at me with shock. “Discord?! You look so different than the legends describe.”
I shook my head. “Not Discord. Secundus. Different kettle of fish. I’m here to talk about your husband.”
“What about him? I, I – I don’t know who he is anymore. I don’t know what happened to him, and there’s nothing I can do to help him. He doesn’t listen to anypony but himself. Can you help him?”
I shook my head. “I’m not here to help him. I’m here for a very different reason, I’m here to stop him. I actually don’t exist yet, I’m from about a thousand years from now. I’m going to be flayed alive for this. King Sombra – he has my friends. He has the Princesses. He has … somepony very important to me. Somepony I love. He’s going to hurt all of them, badly. Talking to you tonight won’t affect the timeline, so that’s one less charge against me. I’m here to ask a favor.”
She laughed, humorlessly, and with a bit of spite. “You can’t stop him, he’s not a pony anymore. He’s just something that used to be a good pony, and the pony I loved. He barely knows I even exist, he’s so far gone. How can I possibly help you?”
“I had an idea, I think it will make a difference.”
Winter Lilly sat up, and gazed at me with fire in her eyes. “Promise me you won’t hurt him!”
“I-”
“Promise me! ” she said with more force than I’d ever heard a pony use.
I growled in annoyance, and snapped my fingers. I didn’t have to snap my fingers, but time stopped. I glared at the Queen. “‘Don’t hurt him?’ ‘Don’t hurt him?!’ She’s lucky I didn’t tear him apart with my teeth! Why did I even come here? I should have just ended it then and there! I can’t – I …”
I punched a hole in the wall. Since it was made of crystal, I had to rub the life back into my paw. I then fixed the hole. I looked at the ceiling, and snarled. “WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!” I screamed at the gods. I didn’t get an answer, but I wasn’t expecting one. I was ready to go back to the present and finish him, when an image popped into my head, very much against my choice. It was a young grey foal, kicking at the dirt because nopony would play with him. “DON’T!” I shouted at my mind and all its occupants.
I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and stared at my reflection like I hadn’t seen it before. I looked at the way the colors on my face split, and somehow matched at the same time. I touched the glass with my fingers, and remembered something I’d heard a long time ago in another life. Darkness in light. Light in darkness. I then remembered some recent advice. And second chances should be passed along. I sighed, and thought about it. I then nodded.
I reentered normal time. I looked at the Queen, and spat, “Fine. I’ll do it.” I took a claw, and scrapped it down my chest, over my left heart, poking through the skin. Instead of blue blood trickling down, light shone through the cut. Out of habit, I put my right paw up, and said, “I promise that I will not kill King Sombra. I also promise that I will not directly harm him unless he is harming another at the time. I additionally promise that, to the best of my ability, I will help him to come back to himself, though I don’t know if I can.”
Queen Lilly stared at the glowing cut over my heart. “What is that?”
“You’ve heard of crossing your heart?” She nodded. “Well, this is … crossing my … aether. Soul, if you want. That’s a better word for it. It means that I cannot break that promise. It doesn’t mean I die if I break it, it means I actually am incapable of breaking that promise. If I try to physically break it, I will not be able to. If I try to magically break it, my magic will not work. It’s done now, I can’t take it back, however much I may want to. You have no idea what a risk it is to make a promise like that, but that specific promise makes it worse.”
Winter’s eyes glistened. “Thank you ,” she breathed. “I know it’s hard to understand, but, even after everything, I love him. I have to, or I have no hope.”
I nodded slowly. “In a way, I can understand that. I’ve jeopardized time and space to get here, so … could I ask a small favor in return for that promise?”
Winter smiled. “What exactly did you have in mind?”
Sombra did not take well to being threatened. He charged towards me, his horn lowered and glowing. When he arrived at where I was, I was gone. He looked all around him, but I couldn’t be found. “WHERE ARE YOU?!!!” He bellowed.
“Here.” I said from behind him.
He whirled around, and began to charge at me again. I held up a scroll. “Telegram for King Sombra.” I said in a deadly serious tone.
Sombra ignored that, and prepared to end me, when a smell hit his nose. He stopped dead in his tracks, and actually skidded forward a few feet on the ice. “No …” he said quietly. “That’s … that’s impossible…”
I held out the scroll, at his chest height. “She said her perfume might snap you out of it for a second. I don’t know what she said, so read it. I can wait to finish fighting.”
Sombra tore the letter out of my grip, and quickly read it. He then screwed it up, and set fire to it. “That’s just a trick, you foul, evil, …” He charged up his horn so much that red lightning shot out of it, and shadows started to flow towards me. Lightning crashed down around me, I knew this was going to seriously hurt, even to me.
I bent down, and tapped Sombra on the forehead. “Go. To. SLEEP. ” I said in a tone of voice that was impossible to refuse. It was a trick I’d learned from Encore, and I’d sworn I’d never use it. Sombra’s eyes slowly shut, and he flopped down onto the ground. The almighty amount of pain he had been preparing to gift me gradually dissipated.
I sank to my knees, and then flopped onto my side. I hadn’t done all that much, and I may have been made of magic, but time travel that far back, overriding Sombra’s will even that much, and my emotions all caught up with me. For the first time in my new life, I managed to wear myself out.
I lay there for a few minutes, breathing slowly. My hearts were beating rapidly. “Grrrraaaaahhh … arrrraahhh…” I snarled, sounding like a rabid manticore. “STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!” I shouted. I slowly started to feel better. I slowly pushed myself up, then stood up. “I can lightly readjust the gravity of an entire solar system , but I can’t handle that much stress all at once.” I muttered to no one in particular. “I guess it’s a good thing I have an Achille’s heel.”
I looked up, and concentrated. I managed to undo Sombra’s weather modification across Equestria, and get rid of all the dark crystal around the Empire, but I nearly fell over again. I then walked over to everypony, and got rid of the chains, and the magic-blocking crystals. I opened Thorax’s magical box-barrier, and shattered it with my mind. I then suffocated him in a hug.
“I go away for one week , and this happens!” I cried into his neck. “I thought you were dead ! If you weren’t dead, then he had you in some ghastly dungeon, doing gods-know-what to you! Do you have any idea what that felt like?!” I then practically throttled Thorax. “I know he blocked all of your magical ability, so you couldn’t use magic or visit my Realm, but the next time you get foal-napped, call me, you idiot ! It’s not like I wouldn’t hear you!” I went back to crying.
As I continued to sob, Thorax rubbed my back, saying things like, “It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m fine, honest. You got here just in time, I promise. You’re ok. Breathe.”
Celestia gave everypony else a nervous look. “Why don’t we give them some time?” Everypony nodded, and politely stepped away.
When I was done crying, I blew my nose on a handkerchief, and looked at Thorax. “Sorry. That was totally pathetic. I … I just didn’t know w-what to do. I thought I lost you.”
“You’re upset, you’re allowed to act like it. I’d be more worried if you weren’t.” He gave me an interested look. “When you were getting ready to fight Sombra, you called me your ‘mate.’ What does that mean? Is it what I think?”
“Oh. Uh, it-” I closed my mouth and thought about it. “Uh, in a nutshell, it means I want to spend eternity with you. It’s about the time you propose to someone, but it’s also a lot more than that. It’s … complicated. Draconequui are funny that way. I’d rather discuss it in private.” Thorax nodded, and gave my back another rub for good measure. I hiccupped slightly, and we walked over to everypony.
They were all clustered around Sombra. He was snoring like a jackhammer, and a bit of drool was hanging from his mouth.
“Did you two have a good talk?” asked Celestia.
Thorax chuckled awkwardly. “Heh-heh. Yeah. I found out that Secundus wants to marry me, and-” I jabbed him in the ribs. He shut up.
Celestia looked at Luna, and raised a brow. Luna sighed, and her horn lit up. A few seconds later, she forked over a bag of bits to Celestia. My mouth fell open. “Y-you two had a bet about us?!”
“’Twas only for one hundred bits,” said Luna. “My sister gave you eight months after you first met, I gave you fourteen. She was closer. You surprised us both.”
“I HAVEN’T PROPOSED YET!” I shouted. “I just said I consider him my mate, it doesn’t mean I want his nymphs yet! What is it with you lot and playing royal matchmaker?!”
Instead of an answer, everypony simply gazed at Sombra again.
“So, uh, what do we do with him?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“I say we seal him in the ice! Maybe rock this time!” shouted Spike. My chest hurt a bit.
“Amen to that!” yelled Applejack. “This pony is just pure evil !”
“Ice is simply too good for him!” huffed Rarity. “He should be made to pay for his crimes against Equestria! Celestia knows he would do so much worse to us!” My chest was hurting worse now.
“I know just the spell to make him think he’s surrounded by his worst fear!” said Starlight. Everypony gave her a look. “Eh-heh. I came across it in an old book?” she said nervously. “Actually, I think that’s too good for him.”
“Well I say we have Secundus lock him in some sort of horrible dimension!” shouted Shining Armor. “That way he can’t ever come back!”
“AAUUGH!” I screamed as I clutched at my left heart.
“Are you alright there?” asked Twilight.
I clenched my teeth. “F-fine! I’m fine! Just don’t talk like that anymore, please . Honestly, what is the matter with all of you?! This is entirely out of character for all of you! You lot want to banish or kill him? What did he do that he deserves me locking him in a personal Hell?!”
Rainbow pawed the ground with her hoof. “Uh, you weren’t there, but he tried to enslave all Equestira three times now! Plus, he tried to kill us and the Princesses!”
“He wouldn’t have killed you,” I said through chattering teeth. “Imprison you, put you to work in the mines, yes. Kill, no.”
“How can you possibly defend him?” Rarity asked.
“I-it’s my j-job. My job to play devil’s advocate. Anyways, I’m not the problem. You’re all the heroes of the story, you give other ponies a chance.”I looked at Luna. “Last Nightmare Night, you told me that you’d try to reform me first , even if I was a threat to Equestria. You can’t just pick and choose like this.” I looked back at everypony. “This isn’t you. You can’t just pick and choose who you treat fairly. You’re the nice ones. You don’t just exile ponies, or outright kill them. If that’s what you do now, because of what he did, I’m in the wrong story. I – I’m the one who would k-”
I stopped, and glared at everypony. “Don’t you think you’re all overreacting by a lot?! Give him a chance! Snap out of it! If you don’t, then I don’t want to be here anymore. Y-you didn’t s-see what I saw.” My voices broke slightly.
Everypony looked at each other, and looked ashamed. They calmed down, and realized what they had been saying. “Yer right,” said Applejack. “That’s not who we are. Not even for him.”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow. “I guess we are overreacting. I still say he should be locked away somewhere
“I suppose we could give him a chance, just a small one,” said Twilight.
“Thank you for showing kindness,” said Fluttershy.
Luna and Celestia were silent, but I could tell they were remembering something from a long time ago.
“You seriously want to reform this creep?!” asked Shining. “There’s nothing left to reform! He’s a monster!”
I pointed at Thorax. I opened my mouth. “There is no such thing as a nice Changeling.” I said in Shining Armor’s voice. Shining froze. “If you can learn to trust Thorax, and learn to put up with me, you can at least wait until you’ve calmed down before you start sentencing ponies to their doom.”
“H-how did you know I’d said that?” asked Shining.
I snarled. “I remember everything . So if that one helps to jog your memory, let me know. I’ve got all century.”I stalked off into the snow, shaking from ears to tails.
I heard hoofsteps, and smelled a very familiar scent. “Sec?” said Thorax from behind me, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing .”
“Well, you feel like-”
“Get out of my head, please !” I turned and ran back towards the crowd.
Shining looked at me. “You’re right. I guess I am too quick to judge, more often than I’d like to be, but you actually expect me to believe he’s redeemable? If so, we’ll all go with it, we trust you, but … this is Sombra .”
“There’s evil in everyone. Even me, even you. Yes, I think he’s redeemable, it just won’t be exactly easy. Just out of curiosity, did this castle come standard with cells?”
Cadence blinked. “Uh, yes, but they don’t exactly get a lot of use…”
“Great . Could you send us both down some breakfast around eight-ish? He likes waffles. When he wakes up he’s going to want something to eat, he’ll want to talk, and he’ll want to kill something, not strictly in that order. I’m keeping an eye on him through that. Have a great night.”
“Are you sure you’re ok?” asked Twilight.
“I’M FINE! WHY WOULDN’T I BE?!” Unnoticed by me, my eyes flashed yellow for a second, my fangs lengthened, and a small avalanche started in the North Mountains.
Twilight noticed a small scar on my chest, right on top of my left heart. “What’s that? Did you get it from-?”
“It’s not important. It’ll heal.” I picked Sombra up, and slung him over my neck like a heavy, lumpy scarf. “If you’ll all excuse me, it’s going to be a really long night.” I disappeared, and reappeared in the one of the old cells, which I locked behind me. I looked down at the still-snoring ex-king. What have I gotten myself into? This is such a mistake, and I’ve made some big ones in my time. How can I help him? I’m going to need a lot of research here… I pulled a book out of my library in my realm, and started to read as quickly as I could.
The next morning Sombra awoke to find himself in a cell, with me in a corner, surrounded by a pile of books and paper. Every book had several bookmarks sticking out of it. “Good morning,” I said, turning a page every three seconds. My paw was shaking slightly. “You overslept a bit, I was expecting you up an hour ago.” I marked my place, and snapped the book shut. “They brought some waffles, I kept them warm, on the off chance you wanted to eat something.”
Sombra sent the plate of waffles flying, and kicked all of my books and papers around. He then started cackling manically. After a minute, he blinked, and tried again, a look of intense concentration on his face.
I folded my arms. “If you’re wondering why I haven’t imploded, or am not writhing in unbearable agony, it’s because I completely took away your ability to use Dark Magic. See, not only can I balance things, I can im balance them. Sometimes to lethal effect. Oh, I also cut your Harmony magic down to ‘Basic.’ About all you can manage is levitation, since unicorns have a very difficult time functioning without that ability. I’m sure you’ll still be able to cause plenty of harm with just that, if it’s any consolation.”
Sombra bit down on my arm so hard I felt the bone crack. Thankfully, my body had really good painkillers built in.I pried his fangs off of me, and I circled my wrist a few times as the bone quickly reset itself. “YOU, YOU…” he shouted.
“On the planet I grew up on, they were very creative with insults. You get bonus points if it’s one I haven’t heard before.”
“YOU UTTER ABOMINATION OF NATURE!”
“Nope, I’ve been called that one before. Sorry, you don’t win a new toaster on today’s show.” I then picked Sombra up, and pinned him to the wall by his neck, giving him a smile. “Look , you don’t have to like going through this in any way, and I don’t have to like that you’re still in one piece. For reasons I do not remotely understand, I felt sorry for you, and so I decided to speak up on your behalf. I am the only reason you’re not a Sombrasicle right now, so stop attacking me, or I’ll change my mind.”
Sombra grinned wickedly. “I should have killed that over-sized insect when I had the chance.”
I slightly increased the pressure on his neck. “Just because I can’t harm you any more than this doesn’t mean I can’t find very creative ways to make your life more of a Hell than it currently is. Don’t try to get that reaction out of me, you’ll get it.”
I dropped him to the floor, and clenched my fists behind my back. He coughed once or twice. “The only reason I could do that much is you bit me, and I’m very good at the ‘exact words’ thing. So! Do you actually want some breakfast, or do you want to face the music? I’d recommend breakfast first, that way you can put it off a bit, and it’s better to face things like this on a full stomach.”
“I’ll take breakfast,” he muttered. “I haven’t eaten in over a thousand years.”
“Great. What do you want?”
He scoffed. “Don’t tell me you actually care what I want for breakfast? That’s beyond pathetic, and lying to me won’t help.”
“I’d like to do extremely unpleasant things to you, yes. In this moment however, I do care what you’d like to eat, because I refuse to do the ‘crust of bread, glass of water’ thing. The reason I’m trying to be nice is precisely because I don’t want to be nice. So, what can I get you?”
“Waffles. Lightly browned, thickly cut, heavy on the syrup, easy on the butter.”
I gave it to him. He eyed the fork in his light-green aura for a minute, wondering if he could stab me with it. “Just so you know, legally speaking, if you harm anypony else, I can drop a piano on you. In this universe the laws of physics say it wouldn’t kill you, but it would still hurt. Enjoy your meal, call me when you’re done.” I picked up my books, and stalked out through the cell wall.
Fifteen minutes later, he yelled, “ABOMINATION! I’M DONE!”
I stuck my head through the wall. “My name’s Secundus. Only my coltfriend is allowed to give me nicknames. Shall we?” I unlocked the cell door, and walked around to meet him.
He eyed me warily. “Since I am not currently imprisoned in the ice, what will happen to me?”
“That’s not up to me, I’m not a part of this world’s government, I just live here. I did have an idea though…”
He gave me a strange look. “You are … very unusual. How can you wish to kill me and be kind to me at the same time?”
I gave a lopsided grin. “Spirit of Duality. Goes with the territory.”
He didn’t reply to that, but he said, “The newest Princess. The mad, purple, shrill one. Who is she?”
I laughed. “That is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.”
Sombra stopped walking. He snickered, then clutched his chest with a leg and started to laugh uproariously. “Friendship is so important they need a Princess for it?”
“Apparently. I think it’s weird too. Feeling any better?”
Sombra smiled warmly at me. “Actually, yes. I think I figured out how to improve my life! It’s all so clear now! The minute I find a large enough axe I can levitate, I’m nailing your head to the wall.” His smile grew, showing off his fangs to terrifying effect.
“I’ll just grow back two, and then you’ll really hate me. Why’d you ask about Twilight?”
Sombra snarled slightly. “She … reminds me of somepony, from … a long time ago. Keep moving abomination, I want to meet my doom with dignity.” I shrugged, and we kept walking.
As we walked down the hall, I commented, “You’re actually a very eloquent speaker. I’m a bit surprised.”
Sombra raised an eyebrow. “What is that supposed to mean? I am a king after all.”
“Well, there was a lot of debate as to … my, what a pretty morning.”
Sombra squinted out the window. “It’s unbearably sunny and cheerful, and you are a horrible liar.”
“Yeah, I know. About the liar part, I mean. Personally, I like sunny days.” Sombra rolled his eyes.
We came to a set of double doors. “So, neither of us is looking forward to this, but, might as well get it over with,” I said. I opened the doors.
“YOU WHAT?!” everypony shouted at me.
I sighed, and slowly repeated myself, making sure to enunciate, and stop my voices clashing. “It is my strong recommendation that Sombra be sent to Ponyville to study friendship under Twilight.”
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Sombra bellowed. “I’ll kill you all before I – mmph! Mmmm!”
“Secundus, where did that zipper come from?” asked Twilight.
“I haven’t got a clue.”
“You want to send a crazy, evil king to Ponyville. With us. To learn friendship while hoping he doesn’t destroy us,” said Rainbow Dash flatly.
“Secundus, listen to yourself!” said Spike, “He’s, like, a total psychopath!”
I folded my arms, and glared at Spike. “He knows the difference between right and wrong, he just doesn’t care . He’s not a psychopath, he’s a high-functioning sociopath, do your research Spike.”
Sombra grinned through the zipper at that. I sighed, and removed it. He rubbed his jaw.
“Why me ?” asked Twilight. “I am the Princess of Friendship, but I don’t think I have it in me to reform him.”
“In the first place, you are the only pony this century who’s on his level magically, so he would relate better to you for that, and you could keep him under control better than anypony else. In the second place, he needs to learn not only about friendship, but how to even remotely relate to somepony besides himself. That falls under your jurisdiction, not mine, or any of the other Princesses’. In the third place, he likes you.”
“I DO NOT!” Sombra yelled. I ignored that.
“I really think that you are the best pony for the job, but I will offer whatever assistance I can. Does anypony else have two bits to add?”
Everypony started shouting at once.
“Ay know yer a bit funny at times, but this is totally crazy! Even for you!” said Applejack.
“How can you guarantee that he won’t attack Equestria again?” asked Shining Armor.
“Are you absolutely certain that this is the best course of action?” asked Celestia in a worried tone.
“Yeah! How do we know he doesn’t have you under some sort of evil mind-control thingy?” said Pinkie Pie.
“I still think this is a mistake,” said Spike.
“I will never go through some pathetic ‘villain reform program,’” snarled Sombra.
As everypony continued to shout, I gripped the table we were seated around so hard a chunk of it broke off, and clattered to the floor. I covered my ears with my paws. “EVERYPONY STOP TALKING AT ONCE!” I shouted. The Palace shook for a second. When I next spoke, my voice was perfectly level. In fact, it sounded like one voice, instead of my usual two, something that hadn’t happened since I was a human. “Fine. Alright then. I have no say in this. I’m not a member of the Equestrian government, I’m not a Princess, I’m not even a pony . I will say this: when everypony at this table first met me, you all were unsure about me, and whether I was some sort of threat. Except Fluttershy, because she’s awesome. My point is that, if you can give me a chance, you can give him one. Since everypony at this table except me has saved Equestria at least once, I’m sure you can sort him out on your own. I’ll leave it up to you all.”I stalked out of the room.
When the ponies of the Crystal Empire saw me, some of them hid behind their doors. It wasn’t because they thought I was a monster, they had all met me before. It was because you could feel the anger rolling off of me in waves. Nopony wanted to mess with a Draconequus that furious.
I walked out into the ever-present blizzard surrounding the Empire, cold helped me think. I hugged my arms against my chest, and tried to calm down and at least attempt to be rational again. I could feel something nibbling at the negative emotions I felt, almost like they were a fine chocolate. I glanced up, and saw an icy ghost pony hovering above me, generating a small blizzard. “GO AWAY!” I screamed. The windigo gave a winy of fear, and bolted. “Jerk, I can’t even feel hate without something feeding on it,” I muttered to the snow.
Somepony walked behind me, I could tell they really didn’t want to talk to me when I was in this mood. “Well, it’s decided,” said Shining Armor in the tone of voice you address a charging chimera with. “We all agreed that your idea is actually the best course of action, but we still don’t know if it will work.”
“Wonderful .” I said with a broad and angry grin. I snapped my fingers, and we were back in the room where everypony was assembled. I glanced at Sombra, and snarled under my breath. Before anypony could say anything, I beat them to the punch. “Can you all handle relocating him? Can you take care of setting this up? You are the ruling class of Equestria, you probably do this over breakfast. I … need some time alone.” I said, glaring at the floor with my fists clenched.
“Uh, sure,” said Twilight, “but we’d really-”
“Great. I’ll drop by the castle in a week to see how things are going.”
“But-”
“I’LL BE BACK IN AWEEK!”
I stood up to walk or teleport out, and Thorax reached up and put a hoof on my shoulder. He looked scared. I couldn’t tell if it was for me, or of me. “Sec,” he said in a panicked tone, “please talk about this!”
I reached out to touch him, but saw my paw was covered in – NO.I brushed his hoof off of me, and quickly got as far away as I could. I didn’t want to be around any living thing, and I didn’t want anyone tracking me to my realm, so not even Princess Luna could hear me screaming from space.
Author's Note
I think Secundus is lying through his mismatched teeth when he says he's fine...
So ... yeah ... I didn't kill Sombra, sorry if I disappointed anyone, but I'm not a killer.
I enjoy the IDW version of Sombra's backstory a lot, but I wanted to do my own version of it. In all honesty, I don't like it, but I'm stuck with it, the story won't let me change it any more than this.
I'm also pretty sure Secundus's middle initials are M-A-R-Y-S-U-E, but he is a Draconequus.
Don't worry, this is about as dark as it will get, the forcast shows a 100% chance of the usual, tooth-rotting fluff returning soon!
Chapter Nine:
Therapy
The day after I pulled my disappearing act, I went back. I didn’t go anywhere the Changeling Hive, and I couldn’t just wander around in space forever. I didn’t want to be around anything more sentient than a tree, so I went back to my realm. I figured it was better to go crazy from loneliness than …
I had told Twilight I’d be back in a week. A week came and went, then another, and I was still holed up inside. I wasn’t on a first name basis with any of the gods, but I was frantically praying no one would visit me. It wasn’t to be. In the middle of the third week, in the late afternoon, a familiar voice cried out the password, and Twilight and Spike stepped through the portal.
They stopped dead in their tracks in the middle of the sidewalk, and their eyes went wide. “Whoa!” said Spike. “What happened? This place looks horrible !” It was true. The left half of the house that looked like a wreck normally was even worse than before. It had finally gotten a paint job, but that was because it was covered in graffiti. Instead of a few holes in the windows, all the windows were missing, except for shards of broken glass in the frames. The beams on the porch had warped, and everything was covered in dust and three-foot cobwebs. Thick, thorny, dead vines had sprouted up from the ground, and were tearing into the walls. The dead lawn was covered in litter, and the dead oak tree had a large crack in the trunk and was missing a few branches. The side of the sky on that side of the house was normally a starry night, but now it was just a thick dark fog. The right side of the house was still brightly painted, but it had a thin layer of dust as well. The sunny side of the sky had sullen grey clouds drifting through it instead of the normal fluffy white ones. The right side of the lawn still had greenery, but that was because ivy and kudzu were slowly choking the life out of all the other plants.
“I - I don’t know Spike,” said Twilight in a worried tone. She trotted up to the door, and pulled the doorbell. Instead of chiming, it let out a screech. There wasn’t any answer. She knocked on the door a few times. “Secundus?” she called. There still wasn’t any answer. She tried the doorknob, and pushed the door open.
All the lights in the house were off, and from inside the house, all you could see out the windows was fog. Spike nervously followed Twilight in. Something crunched under her hoof. She lit up her horn, and saw wrappers for different kinds of soap littering the floor, reminding her of Autumn leaves.
“Secundus?” Twilight called louder.
“Oh. Hey guys.” I said from behind her.
She and Spike turned and looked at me. “You look awful!” said Spike.
“Thank you,” I said without any emotion.
“I mean , you look like all of Tartarus ran you over in a cart, then backed up slowly!”
“I’ve been a bit under the weather lately,” I muttered.
Twilight gestured at the fifty soap bar wrappers strewn across the floor. “What is this?”
I shrugged. “So I’ve washed my paws a few times. So what?”
Twilight tried to change the subject. “Everypony’s doing pretty well, since … you know.” She coughed. “Even Sombra’s doing alright, he’s not as much trouble as we thought he might be. He is the biggest pain in the flank I’ve ever had to deal with, and his attitude is pure misery to be around, but … he seems to be accepting it.” She gave me a smile. “Princess Celestia was talking about giving you a medal for the way you handled things.”
The room got noticeably darker. “I don’t want a medal for it,” I growled lowly.
Twilight looked at me with mild surprise. “You handled things very well. Better than we would have. You saved Equestria for crying out loud! Why wouldn’t you accept at least a medal for that?”
“BECAUSE I WANTED TO KILL HIM!” I roared. “Can you wrap your brilliantly gifted mind around that concept? I. Wanted. To. Kill. Him. ” I started to pace the room. “I looked it up, and I asked the Spirit of Death. Do you know how many murders have been committed on your entire planet in the last hundred-and-fifty years? None! Oh, sure, there are muggings, robbery, specism, villainy, somepony trying to overthrow Equestria about once a month, but sentient beings don’t kill one another! If I hadn’t stopped myself twice , I would have killed him, and I would have ENJOYED IT.” A cold wind swept through the room, and the entire house began to shake. “I don’t want any recognition for that, so let it go.” I wrapped my arms around myself, and started to shake.
Twilight’s eyes never left me, but she said, “Spike? Take a letter, and send it to Thorax. Tell him his coltfriend desperately needs to talk to somepony, and he’s not to let him wriggle out of it.”
“ – not to let him wriggle out of it.” Spike said as he finished writing. I dashed forward and clapped my paws over the flames, but it was already sent. I clenched and unclenched a fist, and the house shook again, this time more violently.
Twilight knew better than to touch me to get my attention, so she cleared her throat instead. She then sighed. “From what Discord’s told me about his realm, this place is tied to you, and to your emotions, right?” I nodded. “So, the reason this place looks so horrible and is shaking like an earthquake is because that’s how you actually feel, isn’t it?” I nodded. “It’s strong enough to warp your realm this much?” I nodded again. “What’s with all the soap?”
I held my paws out for inspection. “Blood. Can’t get it out.” I said quickly.
“Secundus, you didn’t actually hurt anypony!”
“Doesn’t matter.”
Twilight looked at me with concern. “I could tell you were the most upset I’ve ever seen you, which is honestly saying something, but … I had no idea you were having this bad a breakdown. If I’d know I wouldn’t have come here to ask this, but, I need a favor.”
“What?” I asked in a dangerous tone.
“It’s Sombra.” I growled/clicked in the back of my throat, and things began to drop off of the shelves in the house. “He needs help, he’s got some kind of illness I’ve never seen before.”
“Dammit, Sparkle, I’m a Draconequus, not a doctor!” I snickered a bit after that.
Twilight raised a brow. “What’s funny?”
“Sorry, I know that was random even for me, but joking helps keep my moods more stable. Which, admittedly, isn’t all that stable, but I’ll take what I can get at this point. I was serious, though. I’ve got maybe a middle schooler’s understanding of pony biology, and for magical illnesses, you need a specialist. What can I do?”
“It’s not a magical illness, trust me, I checked. Also, he says it’s your fault.”
I stood up straighter. The knick-knacks and books flew back to their places. “Well, you should have said so.” I shoved the two of them unceremoniously through a portal back to Twilight’s castle, following right after.
Starlight Glimmer ran downstairs to see us. “Twilight, thank goodness , he’s-”
“AAARRRGHH!” came from upstairs.
“I’m not an expert, but that doesn’t sound good.” I said. I took the stairs two at a time, kept an ear out, and rounded the corner into Sombra’s room. He was curled up in bed, sweating profusely, shaking all over, with his teeth clenched. His coat looked a quarter of a shade lighter, and his mane wasn’t writhing around as much, but he was sick.
He cracked open an eye, and his usual mist flowed from it. “Abomination ,” he growled when he saw me.
“Uh, hi. I-” he sprang up, and bit me. Hard. “Ouch! OK, I know this is just karma kicking in, but will you stop biting me?!”
He flopped back into bed. “This is your fault!” he snarled at me. “You broke me! I’d be fine if I could just use my magic, but you took it away and you broke me!”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything to you that would do this, I-” Something clicked into place. “Oh. Good Lord. It is my fault. How long have you been feeling like this?” I asked quickly.
“Since a week after you broke me. It just keeps getting worse.” He shuddered, and curled into a tighter ball.
“Yeah, it does that. I’d recognize this in any universe.”
“What is it?!” Twilight snapped.
I sighed. “Drug withdrawal. This is why the Standard Book of Spells has the warning ‘do not use dark magic’ in red ink in all caps. Although, they usually only put the warning after the spell. The stuff’s addictive, sometimes fatally.”
“How did you know what it was so quickly?” asked Starlight. “We had the doctor look at him, and he was mystified!”
I chose my words carefully. “My world didn’t have magic, but I’ve … seen … people … go through something very similar.” Before she could ask what I meant, I said, “Right. I’m imposing a quarantine, nopony including me, is to use magic of any kind within forty feet of him. When you go through this, you latch onto whatever you can to make it stop, so he can’t be around magic. I’ll also need … a chalkboard, a lot of water for him, a … chess set, something for a late lunch that’ll keep if he doesn’t want to eat, and a lot of books, the more esoteric the better. Can you get all of that?”
“On it!” Spike said, dashing out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned, bearing a huge stack of books. “Esoteric means not a lot of ponies know about it, right?” I nodded. “Well, you’re in luck then. We’ve got way too many of those. I’ll have to make a couple of trips for the rest of the stuff.” He somehow managed to find everything I’d asked for. I went out of the room, grabbed one of Twilight’s “comfy” chairs, and set it by the bed.
“Secundus, what are you doing?” asked Twilight in a worried tone.
“Staying with him. It’s really important to have someone with you during the first part of this, to make sure you don’t relapse if nothing else. I mean, he can’t relapse, because he can’t use Dark Magic at the moment, but he needs someone here.”
“Anypony but you!” Sombra shouted, “I swear , I’ll-”
“Kill me, yes you said,” I snapped. “but right now, I’m the only one in this place who knows what this is and what to do about it, so I’m all you’ve got! You don’t have to like it, and neither do I.”
“Secundus, are you sure?” asked Starlight.
“Mmm-hmm. Get out.”
“What?”
“I need privacy, and he needs rest. Whether he’ll actually get some is up to him.”
“Why is Dark Magic affecting him this badly? Others have used it, and they didn’t go through this.”
“Because they only used it for simple things like transmogrification, for a short time. A week at most. He used it for everything , for three years straight. It got to the point he’s practically made of the stuff.”
“How come you seem to know so much about him? We hardly know anything about him!” exclaimed Twilight.
“I’ll tell you later, now will you please leave us alone?”
Everypony heard my tone, and quickly scattered.
Sombra looked at me, and growled lowly. “Get out ,” he hissed lowly.
I folded my arms. “I’m twice your size, and I could throw you about six feet. Make me. ”
Sombra then lunged up, and once again bit me, hard enough to draw blood this time. He spat it out. “GAAAAK! Your blood tastes horrible !”
“Just because it is bright blue does not make it a Slurpee! I know you love being dark, brooding, angsty, and evil, but I also know you don’t actually drink blood.”
Sombra squinted at me. “How do you know so much about me? I could have sworn I saw you once, when I was a colt, for half a second.”
I sighed. “I’d really rather not talk about it to anypony. When my ‘family’ finds out, I am so dead. I hate to think what they’re going to do to me.”
Sombra grinned. “I could hear the quotation marks around the word family. Why is that?”
“I’m a Draconequus, but I’m an adopted Draconequus. It’s complicated, like the rest of my life.” I sat down. “So, if this is anything like what I - witnessed,” I said, “you’ll want to replace what you’re addicted to with something positive that can replace it long-term.”
“Like what ,” Sombra sneered, “The ‘magic of friendship?’ Got any rainbow puppies with soulful eyes while you’re at it?”
“Friendship is actually pretty valuable, believe it or not. This is a problem with magic, not with drugs…” I blinked. “Say, can you juggle?”
Sombra seemed taken aback. “No, why?”
I stood up. “Be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
“I don’t exactly have a choice here!” he called after me.
I made a quick trip to the local joke shop, before heading back to Sombra’s room. I held up ten juggling balls. “This is just a theory, but it might work. I want you to juggle, but with your magic, not your hooves. You still can levitate, so it should be easy!”
“I AM NOT A PREFORMING SEAL!” Sombra bellowed.
I ignored that. “You do it like this.” Twenty seconds later, all the balls dropped to the ground. “… only better,” I finished. I pawed them over to Sombra. He glared at them with utter contempt. “I am sixty-seven percent sure that this will help you feel better, and that’s as certain as I ever get, so will you lower your standards and just try it?!”
He sighed, and took five balls in each hoof. His horn lit up with its sickly green aura. The balls started to levitate, and he began to juggle, moving his hooves to catch the balls as he levitated them. After about a minute, he dropped them, and growled in annoyance. “Why exactly am I demeaning myself like this?”
“I think if you replace Dark Magic with Harmony Magic, it’ll help cut the addiction. Right now, all you can do with Harmony Magic is levitation so it’s best if you do lots of really complicated levitation. It’s just a working theory, but isn’t it worth it if it helps you stop going through this as badly?”
He sighed, and nodded dejectedly. He then started again. As he worked with it, he got better at it. Pretty soon he was showing off, with an evil grin on his muzzle. For just a split second, the concentrated evil stopped flowing from his eyes, but it was just a trick of the light. He then started to genuinely smile, and even started to enjoy it. When he was done, he caught them all in one hoof, balancing them carefully in a stack.
“Ha! Beat that, you lowly abomination!” He then set the balls on the side table.
I smirked. “I can’t juggle even remotely that well, nice form. How you feeling?” I asked nonchalantly.
He blinked. “Better, actually. The hornache’s gone down quite a bit.” He held out a foreleg, and glanced at it. “My hooves aren’t shaking either. How did you know that would help?”
“… … experience … I’m glad it worked. I’m still worried that you’ll try to overthrow Equestria, again , but I’m going to let you have your regular unicorn harmony magic back. Slowly . I don’t trust you anywhere near as far as I could throw you.” I glanced at a plate of peanut butter crackers Spike had left us. “Even for me this isn’t an ideal lunch, and I’m not a King, but are you hungry at all?”
He nodded. He practically inhaled even the plate itself, but I did manage to sneak one for myself. He then sighed. “I’m exhausted. All I did was juggle, why am I worn out?”
“You’re resetting yourself, believe me, that uses up a lot of energy.”
He nodded. “Could I have just a little glass of water?” I snickered. “What’s funny about that?”
“Nothing, just … something I saw once.” I went downstairs, and got him the water, which he downed in one gulp.
He then noticed something. “Your chest is glowing.”
“What?” I asked.
He pointed with a hoof. “Over your heart, well where I assume your heart is, you abomination, there’s a spidery glowing line of light.”
I rubbed the spot distractedly. “Oh, yeah.”
“Why is it doing that? It’s very strange.”
“It … just means I’m keeping my side of a promise, nothing more. I was hoping the scar would have healed by now, but it’s taking its sweet time about it.”
“So, you teach supposed villains how to juggle because it just popped into your head, you find perfectly ordinary statements funny, and you are perfectly fine with being bioluminescent. Are you always this random?”
“If I can help it, yes.” I then thought about something. “Just out of curiosity, how am I even talking to you now? From what I understand, when you first met Twilight and her friends, everything but your horn was vaporized.”
Sombra grinned evilly. “They should have vaporized the horn too. Besides, there are entire branches of magic devoted to cheating death.”
I shrugged. “Fair enough. I’ll let you rest now, and check up on you later.” He settled back into bed. I walked out of the room, and shut the door behind me.
Twilight, Starlight, and Spike were standing with their ears to where the door had been. “You could at least try to be subtle about it,” I said in a tired tone.
“What happened?” asked Starlight.
Before I could answer, Twilight said, “Unless your voices have gone down an octave, was he laughing ?”
I nodded. “He may be evil, but he does have a sense of humor. It’s been known to happen.”
Twilight got an excited expression. “Are the two of you becoming friends, because that would be perfect!”
“Absolutely not! ” I snarled. “I still want to kill him, and he thinks I am the most annoying pest he has ever had to put up with, which I probably am. That’s not the basis of a friendship, that’s … a brief period of mutual tolerance. That’s about all we can manage, so don’t expect us to ride off into the sunset together. He tried to imprison and hurt my loved ones, I will never be friends with him! I just want to help him with this … and anyway it’s my fault he’s going through this in the first place. It’s misplaced, unwarranted sympathy, not friendship.
“I’ve figured something out: if he uses Harmony Magic, it helps cut down the symptoms. I still don’t want anypony else using magic around him, because he’ll try to latch onto it, but I do want him to use as much Harmony Magic as he is willing and able to use. All he can do is levitation, but even that makes a difference.”
Twilight nodded. “On it. Why don’t you go home?”
“I don’t want to go back to the Hive, I feel bad enough already without Thorax seeing me like this.”
“So go to your realm and rest up.”
“I don’t actually need- ”
Twilight cut me off. “You may not need physical rest, but from what I saw earlier, you’re completely worn out emotionally. I order you to go somewhere and rest.”
“Technically , I was never made an Equestrian citizen, I just live here, so I don’t have to recognize your authority. I’ll go back and rest, I promise. I’ll check on Sombra in a few days, write me if there’s any major change.” I disappeared back to my realm. I gave a tired smile when I noticed it had straightened itself up slightly, which meant I was feeling a bit better. I then found a couch, and magiced myself to sleep.
The very next day, something I had been dreading happened. I was trying to weed the overgrown garden, when I heard a certain Changeling speak the passcode. I disappeared inside as a reflex. After stepping through the portal, Thorax walked up, and loudly knocked on the door. “Sec?” he said in a slightly angry tone, “I know you’re in there! Are you coming out, or am I coming in to find you?!”
“Please don’t, I just mopped the floor.” Thorax jumped, and turned around to see me on the lawn behind him.
“Where in Equestria have you been?! Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?!! Three weeks, three weeks without knowing where you are, what you’re doing, or if you’re remotely ok. The only reason I’m here now is because Twilight wrote me and told me you were here instead of hiding on some moon somewhere. Why didn’t you come home?!!”
I sighed. “I … thought it best to not be around anything alive. It was stupid, but it made sense at the time. We’re here together now, so let me have it.”
Thorax sighed too. “I just did. That’s as angry as I can get right now.” He chuckled, “You’re a mess emotionally, have you talked to anyling?”
“Cheater. No, I haven’t.”
Thorax smiled. “I thought you wouldn’t have.” He held up a steaming thermos he had brought with him. “I brought golden flower tea!”
I laughed. “You know, if that whole ‘Ruler of the Changeling Kingdom’ thing doesn’t work out for you, you would make a really good therapist.” I looked through the open doorway. “Let’s go to the library, I always feel safe in a library.”
Thorax wiped his hooves on the mat. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said in a puzzled tone.
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” I said as I tried to find the right door on the second floor.
“Then what did you mean about feeling safe?”
“I know you won’t hurt me, I’m worried about it being the other way around.”
“Oh,” was all Thorax replied.
We sat down at a study table in the middle of my bigger-on-the-inside library. Thorax smiled. “So, I know this is definitely a cliché, but … how do you feel?” In one quick motion I put a protective helmet on his head that was designed to leave his horn and antlers free. Thorax blinked. “Uh, why did you do that?”
“Because if you’re thrown against a concrete wall at the speed of a moving bullet train, your exoskeleton will break in several places, and you don’t have my healing rate.” I started tying padding onto him.
“All I asked was how you’re feeling, not do you want to play hockey!”
“I know. I’m getting there. Is this too tight? I’m bad with knots.”
Thorax groaned. “No, Sec, it’s fine. What are you doing?!”
“I’ve got something to show you. This way.” I led him out of the library, and downstairs, then down two flights of stairs.
We came to a vault door, which I opened. We went inside. “You have a bunker in your basement?” Thorax asked with shock.
“In one of the basements, yes,” I said distractedly. “It’s a reverse bunker, it’s designed to keep something in, not keep things out.” I came to a small safe on the far wall. I reached into a bucket, and pulled on some rubber gloves. I unlocked the safe. “Three to the right, four to the left, four-fifty,” I muttered. I then reached into the safe with the air of someone holding the core of a nuclear reactor.
I pulled out a large mason jar, the size of a pitcher of lemonade. Inside was a cloud of inky black smoke, with flashes of red lightning coming out of it at random. It changed shape and writhed randomly, banging against its prison. It was also hissing like an entire nest of snakes.
Thorax grabbed his horn, and screamed. “What is that?!” he shouted.
“Oh, sorry, I should have told you to turn your empathy off. You asked how I’m feeling, this is it.” I set the jar on the floor. “This is pure, undiluted, homicidal anger. It’s been … growing for a while, I hadn’t really noticed.”
Thorax’s jaw was practically on the floor. “You’ve had that inside of you?!” I nodded. “For how long?!”
I sighed. “On and off for … a while. The Sombra incident just made it explode. I’d been feeling it before then, but didn’t notice it was quite this bad.” I gave a twisted, semi-crazed smile. “I’ve always been good at bottling my feelings, and sometimes they wind up becoming cancerous like this.”
Thorax didn’t know what to reply to that. He asked, “Why do you keep an emotion in a jar, in a safe, in a bunker?”
“You know what I said about hitting the wall at a couple of hundred miles an hour?” he nodded. “The lid of the jar slipped for about a second, and that’s what happened to me. The only reason I’m not dead is I’m immortal. That and cartoon physics. Now do you get why I’m being over-dramatic? If this got out, it would probably kill somepony of its own accord. Although, I think it would hurt me before anyone else. I’m … not overly fond of myself a lot of the time. I actually don’t think it would hurt you at all, but I’m worried I will hurt you, which is why I’ve been avoiding everyone for weeks.”
Thorax thought for a few seconds. He then said, “You do know that it’s extremely unhealthy to bottle things up, right?”
I nodded. “I’ve got thirteen years’ experience doing so, so yes.” I picked up the jar, and gave it a shake. My anger snarled loudly. “Actually, I haven’t bottled this, literally or metaphorically, even though it’s in a jar. I’m still definitely feeling this, I’ve just … compartmentalized it a bit until I can figure out what to do with it. How to let it out without actually hurting somepony like I want to. I know that setting it to one side in my mind is only slightly healthier than bottling it, but for right now, it’s the best I can do.”
“No, it’s not healthy. You really need to work on this. For right now, can you put it back in the safe? I don’t like the way it’s looking at me.”
I examined the jar. “Actually, I can do something a lot better than that, but you’ll regret it.” I shoved Thorax out of the bunker, slamming the door behind him. There was a long, drawn-out growl, and then a slamming sound. “GAAARRH!” I yelled. I then opened the door, with my eyes narrowed to slits, and my teeth bared. “Library ,” I managed to get out.
“What happened?!” Thorax asked.
“Put … it back,” my speaking wasn’t very good at the moment, but I wasn’t thinking in words at all. As we walked down the hall, random objects flew off their shelves, and broke against my head.
“Secundus!!” Thorax yelled.
“I’m … not doing it … on purpose … but … I … am,” I said through clenched teeth. When we got to the library, I collapsed into a couch, and every light in the house went out. Thorax settled into an armchair across from me. “Well, someling’s seen way too many ghost movies,” Thorax joked.
“Ironically, I’ve never seen a ghost movie like that in my lives.” My head wasn’t hurting as badly, and I was thinking more like a person than an animal. I snapped my fingers, and the lights came back on. I snapped my fingers, and Thorax’s helmet and padding disappeared.
“Sorry about that, when I’m very upset, I’m more like an animal than a person. This is the most upset I’ve ever been.” I then rushed forward, and grabbed Thorax, giving him a thorough sniff all over.
“Uh, what?” Thorax said, his mind blanking he was so confused.
I smelled him one last time, and sat back in the couch. “I … like the way you smell,” I muttered lowly. “It helps me relax. Believe me, I think it’s weird too.”
“OK then.” Thorax said in a worried tone. He then found the thermos he’d brought. “Where do you keep your c-” I held up two mugs. “ups?” he finished. He poured the tea.
We sat in silence for a minute, I was clearing my head, and was trying to think what to say. I took a long drink of tea. “This is amazing! What did you say it’s called?”
“Golden Flower tea,” Thorax said with a smile. “It’s a plant that grows underground. I think it’s good too.” He set his mug down. “So, what do you mean you ‘put it back?’”
“I … unboxed it. In my mind. I’m feeling the whole thing right now, that’s why I pulled my usual rabid routine, and why there was a bit of poltergeist activity.”
Thorax examined himself. “I seem to be undevoured at the moment,” he said wryly.
I sighed. “You’re not who I’m mad at. I’m actually glad you’re here. My acting like a dog aside, you really make a difference. I should have come home right away, and maybe this wouldn’t have been as bad. I’m certainly good at being stupid that way.”
“Well, I’m here now.” Thorax said. “Something tells me you don’t exactly want to discuss this in Feelings Forum.” I let out a shriek of laughter. “I … know you don’t like to talk about things like this, that you prefer to bottle them up, but will you at least talk to me ?” I nodded. “How long has this been going on?”
“Short, long, or very long-term?” I asked. “There’s an answer for each.” Thorax rolled his eyes.
“Lay down and get comfortable, ok?” I did. Thorax levitated over a legal pad and a pen, the pen ready to write. “So!” he said in a horrible Austrian accent, with an evil grin, “Tell me more about zis dezire you feel for your mozzer!”
I threw a book at him, which he dodged spectacularly well. “Thhhooorrraaaxxx!!! ” I yelled.
He laughed. “I’m joking, I’m joking! I hope I’m not that bad a therapist.” He threw the pen and paper over his shoulder. “So,” he said with a warm smile, “where do you want to start?”
Author's Note
So, things slowly get better for our heros (and villian!).
By the way, Thorax wrote the Freud line, not me.
Author's Warning: This chapter contains Sombra's "Worst Fear" trap going off, so there's a tiny bit of gore. Hopefully nothing bad enough that I have to tag the entire story. Sorry if you're squeamish.
Chapter Ten:
Resolutions
A few days later, I decided to keep my word, and checked in on Sombra. I was met at the door by a very irate Twilight. She stuck her head in my face, pointed at her mane, and yelled, “Look! Grey! I’ve got grey in my mane, and it’s all. Your. Fault !” she screamed. “If it isn’t actually you, it’s sompony you sponsor for the rehabilitation program! Will you never leave me in peace?!”
I shrugged. “I’ve got all Eternity. How long can you hold out for?”
Twilight collapsed into a sobbing heap, then pointed up the stairs. “Just go! You two deserve each other!”
My curiosity flaring up, I walked up the stairs to Sombra’s room. As I knocked on the door, something was thrown at it, smashing loudly. “Away, vile plebe !” Sombra spat. “I will not talk to a purple menace today!”
Taking my chances, I opened the door. “Well, I’ve got a coat of many colors, but purple isn’t included. I am a plebe, and a menace, but will you grace me with your presence anyways?”
He nodded. “My apologies. I thought you were that infernal Princess ,” he growled.
I glanced around the room. “Huh. I just realized, this was my room when I lived here. Take it easy on the décor, will you?! You’re welcome to put up some heavy metal posters, if that’s your thing.” I then held up a paw. “Speaking in my role of bringing balance, as the only person you’ll talk to, and the reason you’re both stuck together, what in the hay happened between you two?!”
Sombra folded his legs, and growled. “The ‘Princess’ and her dressmaker friend had a falling out. I merely suggested that the Princess burn her shop down, and now I’m ‘grounded.’ Whatever that means. Suffice to say, it escalated quickly from there. I’m forbidden from leaving this room, but I did hold my own.”
I nodded, wondering why I’d signed up for this, before remembering I had the easy part. “So, how are the withdrawal pains?”
“They’re fine!! ” Sombra snapped. “I’m doing perfectly well, and do not require your help at all!”
“This is just my coltfriend rubbing off on me, but how are you feeling?”
Sombra closed his eyes, and said through clenched teeth, “I feel. Isn’t that enough for you?”
“Oh. I’m sorry. When you can’t feel for a really long time, and it starts up again, you feel everything , whether you want to or not.”
“Oh, and I suppose you just happen to have lost your soul by dabbling in the Forbidden Arts, so you’re speaking from experience, right?”
I sighed. “No. I just know what it’s like to stop and start feeling against your will. You didn’t lose your soul, by the way. That’s almost impossible to do. Trust me on that one.”
I gave Sombra a closer look. Even in the dim light, his coat was at least two shades lighter, and his mane was shorter. It looked more like a mane than a writhing mass of smoke. The mist flowing from his eyes would stop for a few seconds and start again.
“You do know you’ll have to apologize to the two of them, right?” I asked.
“I am a King!” Sombra bellowed. “I do not apologize to falsely transcended librarians, and overly dramatic haberdashers!” I raised an eyebrow. “NO!” he shouted.
I sighed. “Fine.” I then snapped my fingers behind my back. “You’ll have to do it sooner or later, but,” I shrugged, “free will.”
Sombra’s head tilted. “I heard you snap your fingers. You did something underhooved, didn’t you?”
“Not really.” I pulled a book off the floor at random, and started flipping through it. My eyes lit up. “Ooh! Transmogifis Transcendus ! That was one of my favorites to study, I still have the formula memorized.” I held the page out to Sombra. “So, could you do this one? It’s pretty advanced.”
Sombra scoffed. “Ha! Foals’ play!”
I shrugged. “So, do it then.”
Sombra’s eyes narrowed, and he growled, “You took away my-” I examined my claws. Sombra’s eyes lit up, and he grinned evilly. His horn lit up, and the smashed vase by the door flowed together, before reforming into a black crystal bust of himself. “Yes!” Sombra cheered.
I chuckled. “Should have seen that one coming. Anyways, enjoy having more of your magic back. I still don’t trust you, and you haven’t earned it, but it should help you.” I leaned in, and said, “Besides, somepony needs to give Twilight a run for her money. Personally, I’d like to see someone beat her at magic without using a soul-sucking evil amulet. I think you’re the perfect choice for the job. Go forth, and do me proud!”
Sombra chuckled. He then said, “Thank you. Why did you do that?”
I shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe the voices in my head decreed it in a majority vote. I certainly don’t know why I do things half the time.” My eyes narrowed. “If you use it to try to conquer Equestria, or just for evil and mayhem in general, I’ll ki-” I put a paw to my left heart. “Seriously discipline you.” I corrected. The pain stopped.
“Oooh! Scary! ” Sombra said with a grin.
“You’d be amazed what you can live through, and what I can manage to work within a loophole. I’ll leave you in Twilight’s capable hooves, maybe for once somepony can teach her something about magic. I know you like her.”
“Why do you keep saying I like her?!” Sombra shouted.
I shrugged. “It might have something to do with the way your heartrate speeds up and your pupils dilate whenever you hear her name. Biology doesn’t lie my friend.”
Sombra’s jaw dropped. He then folded his hooves, and huffed, “I would get a living lie detector for a nurse.”
“I’m your sponsor, not your nurse.”
“You can’t really hear somepony’s heart rate without using magic, can you?” he asked in a worried tone.
I nodded. “If it’s quiet enough, there’s only one pony around, and I concentrate, yes, I can. It creeps me out to no end, so I avoid it. I keep thinking ponies are deaf and blind, then remember I have super senses, ponies aren’t defective. Work on that apology. If it helps, think of it as a moving speech to the lowly rabble.”
Sombra actually laughed at that. He then asked, “So, how goes it with you and the bug?”
I smiled. “We’re actually doing pretty well, thanks for asking. We’ve been … talking a lot the last few days. I took him on a trip to some ruins in the Amanezonian rainforest, and he took me bowling.”
“Bowling?” asked Sombra in a confused tone.
“Oh, sorry. I forget you’re about a thousand years out of date. It’s a game that’s a sport, that also isn’t a sport.” Sombra gave me a blank look. “It’s sort of like ninepins?” I tried desperately. The blank look continued. “Never mind. Have Twilight explain it to you, she’d know more about it, and could likely give you a lecture on its complete history.” Sombra shuddered. “Oh! You’ve gone through one of them already!” I said with an evil grin. He nodded, a nauseous look on his face. “How can you know about a lie detector, but not about bowling?”
He sighed. “It’s a big library, and it’s very quiet in here. I haven’t gotten to the sports section yet. Besides, I’m … adaptable. It’s not like I can go back in time.” I suddenly got very nervous, but he didn’t pick up on it. He gave a laugh out of nowhere. “You know, whatever you may say, I don’t like Twilight, but … she’s not quite the shrill menace I thought her to be. I will admit there are times I enjoy being around her, just to debate and win triumphant. Now will you leave me in peace, abomination?”
“Sure. The way you called me that, I’d almost think you cared.” Three pillows were thrown at me with great acuity. “All right! I’m gettin’ I’m gettin’! Practice your magic, it’ll really help. For pity’s sake, apologize, or they’ll hold it against you for weeks .” He nodded dejectedly. “Please take it a bit easier on Twilight, she’s working herself into an early grave as it is, she doesn’t need people like you and me lending her a shovel.” Sombra smirked at that. “Bye!”
I met Twilight at the door, she had managed to compose herself. I held up a white flag. “Listen, I actually am sorry for putting you through this. Again. It’s making a difference, trust me. What’s he like to live with?”
“He’s so arrogant!” Twilight snapped. “He thinks he knows everything, and he treats all of us like servants! He's devious and amoral and unreliable and irresponsible and... and definitely not to be trusted,” she finished lamely.
“Hmm,” I said noncommittally.
“He is the biggest thorn in my side I have ever -” I raised an eyebrow. “The second biggest thorn in my side I have ever had to deal with,” she corrected.
“Thank you . I’d hate to think I was being outdone. He’s actually improving, it’s just hard to see.” I held out a book. “Truce?”
Her eyes lit up at the book title. “Spearhorn’s Laws of Transformative Magic ! This has been out of print for over a century! How did you…?”
I shrugged. “I know a guy.” As Twilight swan dived into the wonderful world of books, I noticed something I had been hearing. Heh. She does the same thing Sombra does when he thinks about her.
My fingers started itching Someone in my head cleared their throat. You know, my Inner Shipper said, they’d be perfect for –
-No! I thought back angrily.
-Why not? They’re both very powerful unicorns, they both love Olde Magick, they’re both royalty, they could both teach each other a lot, and they actually have a lot in common, her resemblance to his wife aside.
-I am not getting involved in this! There isn’t exactly a deep, fiery undercurrent of forbidden passion between them.
-(Somebody’s read too many romances)
-In fact, they’re usually this close to strangling one another!
My Inner Shipper mentally shrugged. That’s how you and Sombra feel about each other, but you’re still friends.
-I am not friends with him!! I exploded.
-Denial ain’t just a river in Neighgypt.
-OH, SHUT UP!
-Will you at least –
-Look, if you butt out of other people’s love lives for the rest of the day, I’ll give you a cookie.
-Deal. I passed him an imaginary snickerdoodle. As he chewed, he asked, Can you just ask Seraphina her opinion on-
“No!” I shouted.
Twilight gave a start. “Sorry, what was that?” she asked, glancing up from her book.
“Just thinking aloud,” I said. I rubbed my temples. “It’s getting wwaaaayyyy too crowded in here,” I groaned. I then remembered something important. “Oh, by the way, Sombra has at least half his magic back now, so he’ll most likely be an even bigger pain then before.”
“What?!!! ” Twilight screamed.
“Oh hey! Look at the time! If you’ll excuse me, I think I hear a water war starting on Mars.” I dove to the floor to narrowly avoid the fireball thrown my way, teleporting back to the Hive in the nick of time.
The next day, I was going about my business, when a familiar voice called out “Knock, knock!” In a flash of light, Discord appeared. I was about to make a witty and devastating reply, when I noticed his expression. He almost looked scared, and was the most serious I’d ever seen him. In his talons was a scroll the size of a triple-stuffed burrito. Without speaking, he handed it to me, then withdrew his talons like he’d been burned.
“Look,” he sighed, “please don’t read it aloud to me, I’ve gotten four of those, and I still have flashbacks and nervous tics. To sum it up, there’s going to be a trial, and you need to get ready. I’m willing to speak up for you, but,” he shrugged, “it isn’t up to me who does what. If you thought human lawyers were bad, you haven’t seen anything yet.” He shook my paw like he’d given me a death sentence, then said, “Er, good luck. You’ll probably need it.”
Before I could ask what in the hay was going on, he was gone, minus the flash of light. I examined the scroll. It had the Draconequus eating its tail seal of the Council. I sliced it open, and the scroll fell to the floor. It was as long as I was, from horn to hoof. I read the opening paragraph. I reread the opening paragraph. I rubbed my eyes, and read it a third time. It still didn’t make any sense.
I’m going to need some help, I thought. I then clenched my teeth, and thought, It’s … time I came clean. This is going to go so well. Not. I found a sheet of paper, and summoned up a gel pen, since I still couldn’t use quills well.
Twilight,
I would like to talk to you, and more importantly to Sombra. It’s slightly urgent, and is very overdue. I would like as few ponies as possible there, but that is entirely within your discretion. Please write me back as soon as you get this, and let me know when a good time to meet would be.
Yours,
Secundus
Spirit of Duality
I rolled the paper up, and stamped a yin and yang seal on it. One breath of fire later, and it was sent. I winced slightly as I thought about what would happen. I then picked up the scroll from the Draconequine Council. I wandered the Hive for a bit, reading as I went. I finally found what I was looking for. I knocked on the wall to my side.
“Thorax?” I said in a small voice. “I … need another favor.”
“YOU WHAT?!!” everypony shouted. Actually, “everypony” was misleading. It was only me, Thorax, Sombra, Spike, and Starlight. We were seated in a sitting room of Twilight’s castle.
I grit my teeth. “It’s a long story, and I am not repeating it.”
Starlight started stammering in shock. “Y- you … I mean, you … you actually- ?”
I nodded. “Eeyup.” I said with a phony smile.
Sombra’s mouth was still hanging open. He finally composed himself. “I knew you didn’t like me, in fact I knew you hated me, but you were going to wipe me out of the timeline?!” he half shouted, and half growled.
I cringed. “Yes.”
Starlight looked at Thorax and Twilight. “You two seem awfully calm about this,” she said in an accusing tone.
Twilight took another sip of tea before replying, “He disappeared for ten seconds, and when he got back, he knew what Sombra’s favorite breakfast was, among other things. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots.” She then glared at me. “You swear you didn’t mess with the timeline in any way?!”
I nodded. “Look there are a couple of oaths I could make, but I’d rather not throw them around lightly. I didn’t interfere, I only observed. I know you only have my word, but that’s all I’m comfortable giving. I’d rather not be smote by an irate god for giving false promises.”
Starlight turned to Thorax. “We’ve … talked about it,” he said with a shrug.
“If you were so intent on destroying me for what I’d done, why didn’t you?” Sombra asked in a frighteningly cold voice.
My mouth opened. “Because I wouldn’t let him,” said a voice wholly different from my usual two. I whacked the side of my head with a paw. “Quiet, you.” I growled. Everypony gave me a funny look. I sighed. “Look, when I was young, I turned my conscience into an imaginary friend, and as I grew up it became a complete, separate entity. I’m not pretending to be insane to get out of it, that’s just how my brain works. I was a very lonely kid, alright?! Don’t judge!”
Sombra giggled. He then started to laugh hysterically. “What’s up?” I asked.
“It’s … it’s just that, … you’re completely insane!” Sombra laughed.
My jaw dropped in surprise. “Are you seriously just getting that now?!” I asked in shock.
Sombra stuck out a hoof. “Nice to meet you Mr. Conscience!”
“Likewise,” my conscience replied, shaking his hoof. I then asked, “So, I take it I can expect an unholy revenge at some unspecified point in the future?”
“Absolutely,” Sombra said with a scary smile. He then frowned. His horn lit up, and the temperature in the room plummeted thirty degrees. All the shadows got longer, and the lights flickered out. “Now … I think it would be best if you got out,” he snarled, eyes glowing dangerously. I nodded, and in a blink I was back in the Hive.
As someone who is pathologically honest, I thought, whoever said that “honesty is the best policy” deserves to be strangled.
My mane stood up on the back of my neck. I turned, and groaned, “Seriously?!” Even though no one had mentioned stories in any way, my tried and true friend, the brick wall had taken up part of the room behind me. I glared at it for two minutes, it survived my onslaught. I then sighed. “Look, just because they can reform a villain, and get them to accept friendship in the last thirty seconds of a two-parter episode doesn’t mean I can. That’s not how this story goes, I’m just a character in it. I think.” I glared at the wall again, and snarled, “That’s is the closest I will ever get to breaking you, so just accept that, and leave me alone for the rest of my unnatural life, please! ” The fourth wall didn’t have a face or body, but somehow it shrugged, and nodded, before slowly fading out, sticking its tongue out as it did so. I groaned. “’Bout time.”
This isn’t going well at all, but amazingly, we’re all somehow still alive! I thought bitterly, knowing it could have been so much worse.
In all honesty I enjoyed living at the Hive, now that I was more or less back to “normal.” It did have one drawback. Changelings are extremely sensitive to negative emotions if they’re in large quantities. When one of them called me a “walking migraine” he hadn’t been kidding. As someone who could change emotions faster than a T.V. remote, I tended to mess with their empathy at best, cause them pain at worst, like when Thorax had seen my “bottled” anger. I was working on getting my mood swings under control, and I was getting better, but it was slow work. The Changelings seemed to like me, but I had noticed a lot of them sneaking aspirin into the Hive. By an unspoken agreement, I mostly just kept out of their way, unless they needed my help for something.
The afternoon of the day I’d played “full confession,” Thorax dropped into my room, slightly out of breath. “You got out of there so fast, I had to fly home,” he said wryly.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I forget how far away Ponyville is from here. I guess I’m too used to teleporting.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll pay for it later,” Thorax said with a grin. He then said, “Actually, it’s a good thing you left when you did. It … got ugly. I’m kind of glad you didn’t hear the things Sombra called you. Any luck figuring that thing out?” he asked, pointing at the scroll Discord had given me.
“The fifth time I tried it, yes.” I held it up. “See for yourself.”
Thorax squinted at the scroll. “Um, this is just gibberish. It’s just a bunch of random symbols.”
“Really?” I asked. I took the scroll back. I cleared my throat. “Article Two: Section One: The accused, henceforth referred to and know as the accused for the duration of these proceedings shall have the following rights and restrictions, outlined in Article Two: Section Two. It is strongly advised to read these carefully, in order to prepare for trial. Following court procedure, which is covered in Article Three is vital. ” I looked at Thorax. “You really can’t read this? I mean, it’s in leagalese, but it’s written in nice block print.”
Thorax shook his head. “It’s worse than Olde Ponish. It looks like someling just squiggled down whatever came into their head.”
I sighed. “Given Draconequui, that’s probably exactly what happened. I guess only other Draconequui can read it.”
“When does your trial start?” asked Thorax.
“Tomorrow .” I growled. “Thank you, Discord for the advanced warning.” I held up the scroll. “Even if you can’t read this, will you help me go through it?”
“We sure seem to have a lot of late nights together,” Thorax chuckled.
“I decline to comment, but the fact I don’t sleep doesn’t help that issue.”
Thorax laughed. “OK, read it aloud, from the beginning, slowly , and one section at a time.” Out of habit, my tails scooted Thorax closer to me, and I wrapped around him a bit. “Has anyling ever told you you’re very clingy?” he teased.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as I leaned back into him. “Besides, you make a good backrest.”
I started reading. “A notice of intent to try and judge the Spirit of Duality, by his peers, for infractions in temporal regulations. Article One: Section One: Location of the Courtroom… ”
The next night, at around three-thirty in the morning Thorax woke up, and headed down a shifting hallway to the kitchen. He ducked as a knife flew past his head. “Hey!” he called.
“Ohmigod!! I’m so sorry! Are you ok?!”
Thorax gestured at all of the dishes and pots and pans levitating around the room. “What are you doing?”
“Midnight vegetarian spaghetti. I just wanted something to do, and by some miracle we had most of the ingredients. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I said quickly.
Thorax chuckled. “It’s still pretty obvious when you’re in a bad mood,” he said, tapping his horn with a hoof.
I set everything I’d been working with down. “Great, I probably woke up the entire Hive,” I grumbled.
Thorax shrugged. “I think I’m just more in tune with you than the others, must be part of being with you.” He looked at the catastrophe I was making in the kitchen in the name of pasta. “This isn’t just a way of eating away your emotions, is it?”
“Stop being my therapist for a few minutes, I’m fine ,” I said, sticking my tongue out. “Actually, I’m not hungry at all. Like I said, I just wanted something to do. I thought maybe the night patrol would like it, and if they didn’t, I’d take it over to Ponyville or something in the morning.”
“You were gone before I got up this morning, and you’ve been gone most of the night.” Thorax commented.
“Yeeeahhh … actually, they were nice enough to suspend time in the courtroom for me.”
“What does that mean?” asked Thorax in a puzzled tone.
“It means I’ve been gone for a week! ” I groaned. “The first meeting in court took an entire week ! It was awful.”
“How did it go?” Thorax asked carefully.
“Well, let’s see,” I said, dicing a zucchini a lot harder than was necessary, “I’ve been charged with: willful disruption of the timestream, altering the destiny of an entire planet, reckless endangerment of several sentient species, reckless endangerment of several non-sentient species, premeditated murder in the first degree, six counts of grievous bodily harm, complete disregard for my duties as a Draconequus, and jayteleporting to make it to court on time.”
“You didn’t actually do any of that!” Thorax exclaimed.
I sighed, and carefully set the knife down. My horn lit up, and all the not sharp objects in the kitchen began levitating in complicated orbits around one another. “For a Draconequus, the line between thinking about doing something, and actually doing it, is paper-thin at best. In a society where individuals can alter reality just by thinking about it, it’s important to control your thoughts. So Draconequus justice is a bit strange: you’re charged with the things you thought about doing to start with, then they lower the charges to what you actually did. It doesn’t sound fair, but it makes sense.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds, by the time they actually sentence you, the charges are much lighter, and you’re allowed to have others speak in your defense. Odds are I’ll get off pretty lightly, since I only traveled in time, I didn’t alter it.”
“That still sounds kind of harsh,” Thorax said.
I shrugged. “It most likely is, but we’re about the only things that can keep us in check. The gods usually don’t directly intervene, unless something goes really wrong. A justice system that helps us keep our powers and emotions from accidentally blowing up planets isn’t necessarily nice , but it is necessary. Like I said, it’s a lot less harsh when it’s actually over with.”
“So, how come Discord gets away with metaphorical murder? All you did was travel back in time, he turns reality inside out!”
I grinned. “It’s Discord’s job to break the rules and get away with it, that’s what chaos does. He’s the eternal wildcard in our deck. It’s his function to be the dissenting voice.” My grin widened. “Besides, everyDraconequus agrees that most of him spending a thousand years as a statue was punishment enough for a lot of what he did. We’re not good at sitting still for long periods, even the Spirit of Order gets … fidgety. Pony justice was considered more than satisfactory.”
“Your species is weird,” Thorax said with a grin.
“Tell me about it,” I laughed.
As I went back to my cooking, Thorax asked, “So … just in case this doesn’t go well for you … what’s the worst-case scenario? What would they do to you ?”
All the dishes I was levitating dropped to the floor, breaking in pieces before I hastily put them back together. “They were … nice enough to inform me of the worst possible thing they would potentially do to me. In my own personal case, they would … lock me in my mind. For an undetermined period. Possibly centuries.”
“Oh.” Thorax said in a small voice.
“Heh. If anyone knows me well enough to figure that one out, it would be you. Don’t worry though, that’s not for this trial, that’s the worst-case scenario for if I destroy a universe or something.”
Thorax rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, even you don’t have enough magic to destroy an entire universe,” he snarked.
“No, I can’t just,” I snapped my fingers, “and ‘boom!’ but I can do things like mess with causality, and that can destroy a universe if done right. Or wrong, whichever case may be. When they say, ‘With great power comes a heck of a lot of responsibility,’ they aren’t kidding.” Not knowing what else to say, I went back to my cooking, and drained the noodles. My stomach was doing cartwheels from everything I was feeling.
The spoon I was stirring with lit up in a lilac aura, and Thorax swiped it away from me. “Hey! I need that!”
Thorax held the spoon up to his mouth like a microphone. He started singing:
My, my! At Waterloo, Neighpoleon did surrender!
I grinned, and swiped the “microphone” back. I sang: Oh, yeah! And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way. The history book on the shelf … is always repeating itself!
We bonked heads for a minute, before singing the chorus together: Waterloo! I was defeated, you won the war! Waterloo! Promise to love you forever more! Waterloo! Couldn’t escape if I wanted to. Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you, Waterloo, finally facing my Waterloo.
We started dancing around the slightly cramped kitchen, continuing the song.
When we were done, Thorax chuckled. “I had a feeling you’d know that one. Has anyling ever told you you’re-?”
“Very anachronistic? Yes, and one of them is a Timelord.” Thorax chuckled. “By the way, you’re not such a bad singer yourself.” He blushed.
I heard something rustling by the entry to the kitchen. I turned, and saw about two hundred pairs of brightly colored eyes glinting at me in the darkness of the hall. “GAAAH!” I screamed.
“Can you stay forever?” a Changeling in the back piped up. (I think his name was Labrum.) “I haven’t had food that good in months.” The rest of the Changelings snickered.
“Goodnight!” I said, pulling a door out of thin air, and slamming it in their faces. I looked at Thorax exasperatedly. “I forget I’m just a walking pantry to your relatives,” I said. He chuckled.
“I’m sure they like you as a lot more than that,” he said warmly.
“Hmm. I hope so, but I really don’t know. Thank you, for just being silly to cheer me up. Oh! I’ve got something you might like.” I walked over to the small refrigerator, and pulled open the freezer. I reached in, only to be shocked by a small bolt of green electricity. “OW!” I rubbed my paw, and glared at Thorax. “You seriously booby-trapped the ice cream?!”
“Well, something kept stealing mine the last few months, and-”
“Next time, just ask, and I’ll buy you more.” I sighed.
His eyes widened. “It was you ?”
I nodded. “Yes. How many people in this Hive even like peanut butter ice cream? I don’t think it’s a very long list. Honestly, ponies say I do extreme things, who shocks people for stealing ice cream?”
Thorax gave me an adorkable nervous grin, and I stopped being angry instantly. His horn lit up for a moment. “There!” he said with a bright smile. “No more trap!” I pulled out the ice cream, and dished him up a bowl. “My prrrreeeecccciousssss … ” Thorax cackled.
I raised an eyebrow. “That explains the booby-trap,” I muttered to no one in particular. I dished myself up a small bowl, I didn’t want to know what Thorax would do to me if I stole more.
As we ate, Thorax asked, “So, aside from exiling you to your own personal Tartarus, what will most likely actually happen in this trial?”
I shrugged. “The future isn’t part of my sphere of responsibility, and I don’t want to peek ahead. Odds are that I’ll simply get off with probation and community service, and the Draconequus version of ‘Do it again and we’ll kill you,’ which would honestly be pretty terrifying. It’ll be OK, honesty.
“What I’m worried about is Sombra. I mean, I didn’t personally pull him out of time, but it’s sort of my fault he’s here and now. I may have unleashed him on an unprepared Equestira, but I doubt that. He’s … actually doing pretty well, surprisingly. Well, aside from today, that is. I don’t know how to apologize to him, and ‘Sorry’ isn’t going to cut it. I mean, what do you say to somebody you tried to wipe out of existence?”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Why didn’t I what?” I looked down, and saw that my bowl of ice cream had somehow turned into a mug of hot chocolate. Great. After I gave the ‘Watch your thoughts’ speech too… I took a sip anyway.
“Well, why didn’t you wipe him out of existence? I mean, he did have us all foalnapped in front of you, he was going to conquer Equestria… You were … kind of … scary when you showed up.”
My ears, and tail drooped. I stared gloomily into my mug. The pot of spaghetti sauce, which I had entirely forgotten about, burst into flames on the stove. I spent about five minutes trying to beat it out, before finally just making it disappear entirely. “Well, there went that idea!” I growled, clicking in the back of my throat. “I haven’t set the kitchen on fire since the Macaroni Incident!”
I turned, and saw Thorax shaking with silent laughter. He calmed down, and said, “You never answered my question. Why? Oh, don’t get me wrong, I believe you about the voice in your head,” he said with a smirk, “but I know you enough to know that there had to be more to it than that.”
I shrugged. “We may never know. I suppose I … felt sorry for him. That, and I’m not a killer,” I said with a hollow laugh. I turned my mug back into a bowl, and set it in the sink. I made the noodles from my poor mistreated attempt at spaghetti disappear, then replaced the pot I had vanished when it caught fire. I looked around at the disaster in the kitchen. “I’ll clean this up tomorrow,” I muttered. “I think I’ll probably be pacing the rest of the night, I’ll try to do it outside.” I then remembered my theatrics, and got rid of the door I’d summoned. Just as I was walking out, my whole body tingled, which meant someone was using telekinesis on me. I examined the color of the aura, just as Thorax walked out of the kitchen.
“My blanket’s in the wash,” he said with a shrug. “Your fur is toasty.” He started dragging me down the hall.
“I can walk you know,” I said with my arms folded as I was dragged down the hall a few feet behind Thorax. He let me go. The Hive was still a semi-living maze, but I could find my way around much better after the time I’d been living here. I was very surprised when we missed the turn to my room, stopping instead at a set of double doors.
Thorax opened the doors, and we walked into his room. He hopped up into the bed, turned around a few times while kneading the mattress, and gave me an expectant look. It took a minute for it to sink in. “Ooh, I’ve been promoted to the bed now!” I said with an evil grin.
Thorax grinned back. “Cuddling with you on the floor is taking a toll on my back. I’d like to not wake up with a crick in my exoskeleton. It’s a really comfy mattress, I’ve never figured out how you sleep on the floor when you do sleep.”
I shrugged. I climbed in. “I thought you said that if we did this, you’d do something you’d regret,” I said, knowing what he had meant.
Thorax cracked an eye open. “I do have some self-control. Get over here, I’m cold.”
I wound around him, warming my body temperature by about ten degrees so he’d be comfortable. Thorax let out a sound that I could only describe as a purr. “You’re a housecat,” I said incredulously. “I’m in love with an oversized housecat.”
“Maybe, but you make a really good beam of sunlight,” Thorax said sleepily.
I chuckled. “You never answered my question,” I said quietly.
“Hmm?” asked Thorax.
“What do you say to someone you almost tried to wipe out of existence?”
He thought about it. “You’re right that ‘sorry’ isn’t going to be enough, but you still need to apologize in some way. Whether he accepts, and what he does with it is up to him. Now, will you be quiet? Some of us do require sleep, in case it slipped your mind.”
“’Night, Thorax.”
“’Night Sec.”
I actually got my chance to talk two days later. A trail of smoke located me, and a scroll popped into existence in my paw.
I found Thorax in the gardens, holding court. “Could you mind the store for me?” I half joked. “I got a letter from Sombra. He wants to talk.” Thorax smiled and nodded.
I popped into existence in the hall of Twilight’s Castle, and knocked on Sombra’s door. No answer. I tried the library, the roof, the kitchen, and the sitting room before giving up and calling out “Sombra?” loudly.
“I’m in the basement!” came the muffled reply.
I wondered what he was doing there of all places, and headed down. On the third step, I slid on a roller-skate. I then tumbled down the stairs, knocking into a rope that upended a bucket of water on me, went sailing through a suspended bag of flour, and crashed through a shredded pillow before landing in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
As I was rubbing my head, Sombra crept into my vision standing over me, holding a polaroid, with an evil grin. After the flash of light, I blinked the stars out of my eyes. Sombra was holding the picture while waiting for it to develop, laughing heartily, and just a bit maniacally.
“Oh, you have no idea how good it felt to do that again!” he said with a slight cackle.
“Remind me to introduce you to Rainbow Dash,” I groaned.
My jaw dropped when I saw him clearly. His coat was the same light grey it had been when he was a foal, his mane and sideburns were made entirely of hair instead of smoke, and were much neater, and concentrated evil wasn’t flowing out of his eyes. His eyes were a light green, with normal sclera and sparkled with mischief. His horn had straightened out, and was a rather impressive grey spiral. When he grinned, his fangs glinted. I rubbed my eyes to check I wasn’t hallucinating.
He held out a hoof to help me to my hindpaw and hoof. “Uh … how are you doing?” I asked.
“I feel great!” Sombra said. “Thanks for your help with the withdrawal, it made all the difference. I don’t think I’m going through it at all anymore actually.”
“That’s … fast.” I said. “Really fast actually.” A thought crossed my mind. My horn “lit” up with shadowy magic, with dark blue spots flickering in it. Sombra drew back a few feet, looking nervous. “Sorry. Just checking you weren’t still having cravings.” I quickly got rid of the magic, rubbing my head at the headache.
He shook his head. “Not at all. I pray I never touch the stuff again. You can use Dark Magic?” he asked with mild interest.
I nodded. “I am the Spirit of Duality, so on occasion I have to use Dark Magic to balance out other types of magic.” I shuddered. “I hate using it, because I know I’d love using it if I tried it long enough. That, and it gives me the worst headache. I never use it unless it’s for work.”
He chuckled before saying, “Well, you’re wiser than I was. I’m sorry you have to use it at all.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. Believe it or not, there are places that need the stuff, but … yeah. I don’t enjoy using it. I am slightly resistant to the effects, but, not much. Must be my abominable physiology.” I said with a smile. Sombra chuckled at my reference to the nickname he’d unintentionally given me. “So … your magic seems to be doing spectacularly well, how are the friendship lessons going?”
Sombra blinked in surprise. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve had one the entire time I’ve been here.”
“What ?! I got at least three a week!! Where’s Twilight?!”
I stormed into the library, trailing the occasional feather. I knocked on the door.
“Yes?” Twilight then looked up. “What in Equestria happened to you ?”
“I got the unholy revenge I had coming to me,” I said, gesturing at my chickenfication. “He tarred and feathered me.” Twilight laughed at that. “He says you’re not giving him any friendship lessons,” I said suspiciously.
“I’m not,” Twilight said in a slightly smug tone.
“Why not?!”
“You are,” she said matter-of-factly.
“What does that mean?”
“He gave a very nice apology to Rarity, and to me, after you left that one day. You really think I could have gotten him to apologize to ‘lowly peasants?’” she asked in a growling imitation of him.
“Probably. You put up with me for six months. I haven’t actually done anything, aside from dump another problem in your hooves.”
“You did do that, yes,” she said, giving me a Look, “but you also spoke up for him, helped him through withdrawal, and gave him somepony to talk to. I don’t think he’d had that for a while, and he certainly didn’t want to talk to me. Sometimes, the small things we do for others make the biggest difference. Ooh! I should put that in the Friendship Journal!”
I chuckled, and snapped my punishment out of my fur. “Have you … noticed anything … different about him lately?” I asked carefully.
“Well, he’s been almost equine lately,” Twilight said with a smile. “Actually, he’s been somewhat pleasant, he’s a bit of an old-fashioned gentlestallion.”
“He is over a thousand years old.”
“Mmm. I don’t know what it is, but his personality did a one-eighty shift. I’m actually starting to like him a bit.” An evil grin oozed up my face. “N-not in that way!” Twilight stammered. The grin stayed. “I just mean, it’s nice to have somepony as intelligent as me to talk to, and he’s kind of … I don’t know, nice lately. I suppose you’ll say he was really always like that.”
“Remember when Rarity got her hooves on Inspiration Manifestation ?” Twilight shuddered. “Or when Trixie got the Alicorn Amulet?” Twilight visibly paled. “He wasn’t the King of sunshine and lollipops, but yeah, Dark Magic really twists your personality into something horrible. If you used it for three years straight, you would most likely crush Equestria beneath your iron hoof and usher in a new Age of Order. Even Steve wouldn’t like that.”
“Who’s Steve?”
“The Spirit of Order. Think Discord’s polar opposite.”
Twilight grinned. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” she said wistfully.
“Pure order is bad, trust me. Anyway, I’d better go.”
As I headed for the front door, I heard a throat being cleared behind me. “Do you play chess, abomination?” asked Sombra.
I paled. “Uh, technically yes, but you really don’t want-”
“I beat Twilight in one-hundred-sixty-four consecutive games. Now she won’t play me at all. She even made the chessboard explode.”
“That sounds like Twilight when she’s angry, yes.”
“It’s not my fault if I’m better than her,” Sombra said sincerely.
“We’ll have to work on your humility at some point,” I said flatly. “As I was saying, I am most likely the worst chess player you will ever come across. I can’t even really think about the move I’m making , let alone think moves ahead. If you can beat Twilight that much, I will be a misery to play against.”
“Then I’ll teach you,” Sombra said in a friendly tone. “Come on, abomination, you know the way.”
“I know you don’t mean it the way you first used it, but I can think of nicknames I’d rather have than ‘abomination.’” I grumbled.
“But it fits you so well!” Sombra said in a friendly mocking tone. I rolled my eyes.
We headed up to his room. Sombra pulled out the charred remains of his chest set, and magically glued it back together. “Light or dark?” he asked.
“Dark,” I said. He spun the board around.
After his move, I reached for a piece. “You use your paws for things instead of levitating them, why? Wouldn’t it be easier?” Sombra asked in a confused tone.
I shrugged. “I didn’t have magic for most of my life. It’s just a habit. I mean, I use it for lots of things now, but I still prefer to use my hands if I can. You don’t have to use magic for everything. Besides, still having fingers rocks!” I said with a smile.
Sombra’s head tilted. “How old are you? I know your species has a supposedly unlimited lifespan.”
“Actually, we have a genuinely unlimited lifespan. We outlast entire universes, which is still weird to think about. I’m twenty-two.”
“Hmm. I never would have guessed. You certainly don’t act like it.”
“Look, I know I should hang a sign around me neck reading ‘immature,’ but it still hurts when Changelings call me twelve and Ponies call me seven.”
“Actually, I meant that you’re a bit old for your years. Even if you are very silly ninety-nine percent of the time. No, you don’t want to make that move, if you do I’ll have your queen the next move.”
I hastily withdrew my paw. “Thank you for that.” We spent the rest of the game in silence. Sombra dealt merciless death to every one of my pieces, then finally my king, but I was surprised I held out as long as I did. I knew he had gone very easy on me, but I still felt a bit better.
“Same time next week?” I asked, standing up and working some cricks out of my back.
Sombra nodded. A nervous look crossed his face. “WouldyougototheCrystalEmpirewithmetomorrow?” he blurted out suddenly.
I picked the sentence apart in my head, and nodded, a confused look on my face. “Sure, … if you really want me to. I don’t think I’m the best choice for the job. Wouldn’t Twilight or somepony be better?”
“Most likely, but I’d like it to be you. What time will you be here?”
“I don’t sleep, so, early!” I said with a chipper voice and an evil grin. “Why are we going?”
“… Personal reasons. … Besides, I have one or ten traps to disable,” he said with a nervous chuckle.
“Fair enough, I’ll quit prying. I’ll be here at six, I don’t know if you’re a morning pony, so apologies in advance if you aren’t.”
“I’m not!” Sombra groaned.
“Sorry. Me either, even with the no-sleep thing. I do have a good reason for it though. Goodnight, sweet prince.” I said with a wave. I stuck my head back in the door. “Or, good early-afternoon, sweet prince. You know, ‘Prince Sombra’ has a really nice ring to it. It’s a major demotion, but this century it’s probably the best you could get, and you really might-” I was blathering in one huge rush.
“Begone, thou loathsome aberration, thou dost infect my ears with thy banal twittering!” He was smiling as he said it.
“Aww! You like me enough to insult me in Olde! I think you and Princess Luna need to commiserate about being out of time at some point. I’ve been promoted to ‘aberration’ too! That sounds much better! See you tomorrow!” I practically skipped out the door and into my portal home.
Sombra turned at a sound behind him, and saw Twilight with an amused expression on her face. “… Does he … always do that?” Sombra asked in a confused tone.
“Change moods faster than most ponies can think?” Twilight asked with a laugh. “You don’t know the half of it. There was this time last winter when I swear he…”
At five-fifty-nine and thirty seconds the next morning, Sombra was in the hall of the Castle, his back pressed up against a corner, glancing all around him.
“Hello!” I said, sticking my head through the corner behind him. He jumped. “Did you really think that would have stopped me from turning up behind you?” I asked. “Physics are overrated.”
Sombra didn’t reply to my foalishness, he simply said, “You’re … punctual.”
I shrugged. “I’ve had an internal clock you could set your watch by for my entire lives. It does make not sleeping slightly more irritating.”
“You always refer to your ‘lives.’ Is that some Draconequus thing?” Sombra asked.
I chuckled. “Definitely not. I’m … unique that way, even for a Draconequus. It’s a story for another time. Maybe for today, it’s going to be a long day.”
“Why? You’re just taking me to the Empire, that won’t take long,” said Sombra.
“Ah, you’d think so, but…” I pushed the rest of me through the wall, and held up two tickets in my paw.
“We’re taking the train ?!” Sombra asked in shock.
I nodded. “Eeyup. I could teleport us, but I won’t. You’re going to need the trip to prepare, it’s … a big step, and I thought you could use the extra time.”
“I thought I was perfectly prepared, I know the implications of returning to the Empire. On reflection however, that makes sense. Come, aberration!” he said with a grin.
When we boarded the train, by some sort of mercy, our car was nearly deserted. Sombra clambered into a seat, and yawned, blinking slowly. I passed him a cup. “Black, right?”
He took a sip, and brightened up. “Yes. How did you know how I take my coffee? Was that part of spying on my life?”
“Educated guess.” I grumbled. “I did spy on your life, but it was at about a million times the normal speed, so I wasn’t privy to every detail. It was mainly highlights I only knew the waffle thing because you had them almost every single morning. I honestly had to put most of the rest together in my head.”
“Good. I’m not comfortable with the fact that you saw everything I went through.”
“I’m guessing that’s the understatement of the millennium.”
He laughed. “So, having seen my life, what is your opinion of it?”
“I’m not qualified to judge a life, that’s god territory, I’m just a lowly spirit.” I said with a grin.
Sombra noticed that I was edging away from his cup like it was full of nuclear waste. “Is something wrong with my coffee?”
I shook my head. “Not at all. It’s not poisoned or anything. It’s just … coffee.”
“You really don’t like coffee?”
I closed my eyes. “Thorax does,” I groaned. “I’ve never had it, but I know it wouldn’t end well.” I said darkly. “Besides, my brain’s wired differently than almost everyone else’s so the few times I’ve had caffeine in a soda or something, it either messed with me or put me to sleep.”
Sombra laughed at that. “That explains a lot about you.”
“People used to accuse me of being able to pass for ‘normal,’ whatever that standard is supposed to be. I was never so insulted in my life.” I said with a huff.
Sombra chuckled. “So, you’ve never had coffee. Thank the gods, you would be terrifying on it.”
I smirked. “Yeah, I can count the number I’ve times I’ve had a serious amount of caffeine that wasn’t in chocolate in the last two years on my hands-” I remembered I only had eight fingers. “On my old hands,” I groaned.
Sombra settled into his seat. “OK, you can’t just keep making statements like that. Spill, I command it.”
“Well, Draconequui apparently coalesce into being from raw aether, although new Draconequui are somewhat rare, they don’t form very often. I … didn’t form that way. I existed as a lowly mortal before then, as another species entirely, just in a different universe. I had a quiet, unexciting, semi-invisible life, and I loved it that way, because I knew I’d never have the issues important people have. I was perfectly content with it.
“Then at some point, I literally fall from the sky into the Everfree, and a few days later, Fluttershy finds me, and brings me to Ponyville. I wasn’t quite sentient at that point, I guess my mind was still moving into my new body. From my perspective, I went to bed, and woke up the next morning a Draconequus. For reasons I still don’t understand, the gods did that, I don’t know if it was because they thought I’d be useful, or if it was a joke. If it was a joke, it wasn’t meant in harm, but … I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. Either way, it turned out well.
“So, when I wake up here, I can remember every detail of my former life, except for the fact that my old name has been carefully edited out of my memories. I find out that the reason for that is because a Draconequus’s name defines who they are, and their function, so my old name wouldn’t have cut it.
“I also didn’t have magic of any sort, which was fine by me, as I didn’t in my old life. So, it was decided that I should study under Twilight. After my carefully constructed plot to spend six months giving her a fatal aneurism via my annoying personality-” Sombra laughed at that. “Twilight got the crazy idea to combine two opposing types of magic, and have me try to use it, and … voila! Instant, freshly minted Draconequus.”
Sombra spent several minutes processing this. “Where does,” he tried to remember something, “… Thorax come into this?”
“Twilight set us up on a blind date,” I muttered. Sombra howled with laughter. “So, I’ve got the gist of your life story, and you’ve got the gist of mine. Fair’s fair.”
“I honestly don’t know what to reply to that.” Sombra said.
I shrugged. “You don’t have to.”
Sombra then said, “That … letter, then one you brought from Winter Lily? I think you deserve to hear what it said.” I waited for him to tell me. “All it said was ‘Come back to me .’”
“Oh.”
Sombra nodded. “I thought she meant it literally, but on reflection, I believe she meant ‘Be the stallion I love again.”
I nodded. “That makes sense.” Not knowing what else to say, we both lapsed into silence.
Sombra started staring out the window. After about ten minutes, he said, “When I … banished the Empire, I didn’t think it would take a thousand years for it to reappear. I feel very out of place in modern Equestria. I’m obviously not a king anymore. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life, in a century I don’t belong in?”
“I get the feeling that was rhetorical, but would you like an answer anyway?” He shrugged, which I took as permission. “Well, you’re brilliant at magic. You’re probably even better than Twilight. Er, don’t tell her I said that. Maybe you could teach at the Canterlot University.”
“That hole in the ground has a university now?!” he exclaimed in shock.
I snickered once or twice. “What’s so funny?” Sombra asked.
“Sorry. I know it’s been a thousand years, it’s just … I would love to see what would happen if you called Canterlot a ‘hole in the ground’ in front of the locals.”
“They were always a bit snobbish, even then,” Sombra mused.
“As opposed to you, whose snobbishness is justified by your magnificence,” I managed to say with a straight face.
“Yes, naturally,” Sombra said, meaning it. I rolled my eyes. After reflection, Sombra said, “I don’t believe I would enjoy teaching advanced magic to a gaggle of whiny, unappreciative college students.”
“They’re not all whiny and unappreciative!” I said defensively.
Sombra’s head tilted, then he chuckled. “Twenty-two. I should have known you were the right age. What did you go to school for?”
“Well, back in my last life, I wanted to be a radiologist.”
“Radiologist?” Sombra asked in a confused tone.
“They work with doctors, they take pictures of people’s insides to help make a diagnosis.”
“Oh.” After a few minutes with a puzzled expression, he asked, “How does the patient survive being dissected for the photograph?” I let out a shriek of laughter.
“OK, so the teacher thing was a bad idea,” I said. “It might work, but it’s your life not mine. If you want to figure out what to do with your life, what did you get your cutie mark in?” Sombra’s face flushed red, and he muttered something even I couldn’t make out. “What was that?”
“I NEVER GOT ONE!” he exploded. “I’m a thirty-year-old, gifted sorcerer and king, who never got his cutie mark, OK?!” He started to wave his hooves around. “It should have been for magic, but nnoooo! Do you have any idea what it was like to be an adult without a cutie mark?! Of course not, you’re not a pony, you couldn’t possibly understand.”
“You’re right, I couldn’t understand,” I said. I thought about it. “Do you even need one?”
Sombra looked up at me with horror in his eyes. “Of course you do! It’s-”
I held up a paw. “I know how cruel foals and fillies are to ponies without one, I can’t imagine how cruel adults would be to a pony without a cutie mark, but in all honesty, do you need one? It just shows your special talent, it doesn’t define your destiny. You successfully ran the Crystal Empire for almost a decade, you were a loving husband, an incredibly gifted mage, and a great practical jokester. That’s a lot of special talents right there. I come from a species without anything resembling the concept of a cutie mark, and we get along in our lives just fine for the most part.”
“You got a new name,” Sombra said in slightly accusing tones,
I nodded. “Yes, but all that does is describe my job . There’s a lot more to me than just being the Spirit of Duality, the same way Discord can be a caring friend instead of only Chaos, or the fact that the Spirit of Time has an impish sense of humor. Ponies with cutie marks still enjoy doing things unrelated to their special talent, it doesn’t define your life , or you as an entire person. I wish ponies wouldn’t treat it as the be-all of creation. There’s a lot more to life than obsessing over what you’re good at.”
Sombra looked pensive. “I … never thought of it that way.”
“Mmm. Most ponies don’t.” I then examined Sombra. “Say … when’s the last time you had a manecut?”
Sombra’s eyes grew wide, and his mouth became an ‘O’ of horror. “You are not cutting my mane!” he protested.
“Relax , Samson, it was just a question.”
“I honestly don’t remember. My memory is a bit … hazy towards the end there. I wasn’t exactly myself, even though I knew what I was doing.” His ears drooped.
“Well, if we’re going all the way to the Empire, you might want to be a bit more presentable.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the way I look!” Sombra snapped.
I sighed. “I know I’m most likely the only one who would notice this, but your mane still moves around a tiny bit when you’re upset or nervous.” I held up a comb. “May I?”
Sombra nodded dejectedly. After a few minutes, I held up a mirror. “I haven’t had a manestyle like this since I was a colt!” Sombra whined petulantly.
I shrugged. “Best I could do. If it’s any consolation your mane and sideburns do make you look swarthy and mysterious. I’ve been told mares flip for that.”
Sombra chuckled. “I notice you’re using magic around me now,” he said wryly.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. You’re not a threat anymore, so,” I snapped my fingers. “You got your powers back! Many congratulations!” Confetti exploded around me.
Sombra rolled his eyes. He then ran his tongue over his teeth. “Even though I’m … me again, I still have fangs. I think they’re permanent.”
“Nothing wrong with a good set of fangs,” I said with a toothy grin.
Sombra chuckled, then looked serious. “Thank you. For … being my advocate.”
I nodded. A thought then struck me, and me fur paled. “Sombra … you did write or tell somepony we were coming, right?!”
“Oh. It slipped my mind.”
I covered my eyes with my paw. “This is going to be very interesting.” I muttered.
“What do you suggest I do when we get there?”
“Well, you could always say-” my voices became an impression of corrupted Sombra, “I am Sombra! Former Tyrant of this Empire! Bow before my might, worthless husks! ” My voices returned to normal, “But I get the feeling even you can be a lot subtler than that.”
We laughed, and spent the rest of the train trip in silence.
When we got to the Empire station, Sombra swallowed nervously. We then got out, and headed through the blizzard. “My adoptive father’s great-grandfather built the barrier around the Empire to keep it safe from this,” Sombra commented.
“Really?” I asked with interest.
He nodded. “Yes, and my father’s father built the Crystal Heart.”
“Interesting.”
When we got into the Empire proper, all the ponies on the streets took one look at us and screamed, before running away. “Happy times are here again,” I growled.
“They did that to you ?” Sombra asked in shock.
I sighed. “Not these ponies personally, but yeah. I got that reaction almost every time I stepped outside for four months until they got used to me. In their defense, for all they knew, I was going to turn Equestra inside-out, but it still hurt. Badly. The ponies of the Empire did do that to Thorax, though.”
Sombra laughed. “They were scared of that adorable bug?!”
I nodded. “Well, I’m sure you know the reputation of the Changelings before they reformed.” He nodded. “Prejudice is just that, pre judice. They didn’t know him, so they thought his was a rogue Changeling there to lead an invasion.” Sombra chuckled. My eyes glowed, and I growled, “And he’s my adorable bug, so hooves off!”
“Relax, I’m very much a mare’s stallion,” Sombra said with a grin.
There was a sound like a stampede, and what must have been every guard in the Empire was suddenly surrounding us with spears. “Deja-vu all over again,” I muttered.
“What is he doing here?!” the Captain of the Guard asked, pointing his spear at Sombra. It was the same stallion who had done this to me when I first showed up in the Empire.
“He’s here to disable the magical traps he laid before his banishment, and to take care of some personal business.” I bent down until my nose was touching the guards. Quietly, I said, “Unless you want to find out what it’s like to have your bones on the outside , I suggest you let us pass to do so.”
The Captain was about to make a reply, when a voice called out, “What’s going on here?” The guards passed to let somepony through. “Secundus,” said Shining Armor curtly.
“Your Highness,” I circled my elbow a few times as I gave a half bow.
“You’d better have a good explanation for this,” Shining said. He didn’t sound angry, just like he wasn’t going to put up with any of my nonsense. I couldn’t blame him.
I nodded. “Sombra asked me to accompany him here today so that he could disable some of his magical traps, as well as take care of some personal business. I don’t know what the personal business is, it wasn’t my place to ask.”
“We’ve disabled all of his traps,” a purple guard said dismissively.
Sombra examined him. “It’s Longbow Steelheart, … isn’t it?”
Longbow’s mouth dropped open. “Y-you remember me?!”
“I do, yes. You were in my guard before … I … fell, and took the Empire with me. You were an excellent guardsstallion, I can see why Prince Armor retained your services. You seem to have adapted to the modern era better than I have,” Sombra said with a smile.
Longbow chuckled. “It was a bit of a shock for all of us.”
“Yes, I can imagine.” A pained look crossed Sombra’s face. “Trust me , you haven’t found all the traps yet. I do not wish to be the cause of any more harm here. I wish to apologize to the ponies of the Empire, as well as to you Prince Armor, for the harm I have caused.”
Shining didn’t answer right away, he simply looked at me. I nodded. “I can’t change what I feel … but the stallion before me seems very different from the King Sombra I first met. After getting to know him, I trust Secundus’s word.” He paused. “… Welcome home, I hope it hasn’t changed completely.”
Sombra chuckled. “That remains to be seen, but the Empire is in good hooves, I will gladly let you continue your work.” He gave me a look. “I’d like Secundus to accompany me while I disable the traps, he’s … a bit knowledgeable on Dark Magic, and more importantly, how to resist it.” Shining nodded. “I hope you like stairs,” Sombra told me, with an evil glint in his eyes.
“Wait until you see some of the staircases in the Hive,” I said with an evil grin. “You’d cry.” Everypony laughed at that, and some of the tension was lost.
A thought struck Sombra. “If the Empire has returned, the Queen, is she …?” The guards from Sombra’s time shook their heads slowly. Sombra quickly sat down, breathing heavily. His ears and tail drooped. “I … never got to say goodbye,” he said lowly. Sitting there, he looked completely broken. Nopony knew what to say.
After about twenty minutes, he shakily stood up again. “Come on, aberration,” he said, “let’s get those traps taken down.”
I slowly followed him into the Crystal Palace. He looked at the halls thoughtfully. “This way,” he said, trotting slowly down a hall. When we passed by a pillar, I got a horrible headache out of the blue. I tapped him on the withers. “Oh! Yes! This is it!” He started to power up his horn, but I quickly shook my head.
My horn lit up with my black and blue aura of dark magic, and my irises disappeared, leaving my eyes completely black. I shot a beam of Dark Magic at the pillar, and it swung open on a hidden door.
“Duck!” Sombra said quickly. I hit the floor just as a huge blade whirled past where I had been standing a moment ago, burying itself in the wall.
“I little more forewarning would have been nice,” I grumbled, dusting myself off. I snapped my fingers, and the sawblade and dent in the wall disappeared.
“I was wondering why Cadence always got a headache when she walked past there,” said Shining Armor from the hall beside us where he was watching.
I pointed at the darkened passage behind the door, and the stairs leading down it. “Any other surprises waiting for us down there?” I asked Sombra irately.
He thought about it for a minute. “Don’t step on the third step. Other than that, we’re good.” I rolled my eyes.
As we headed down, I very carefully avoided the third step down on the stairs. “Just out of curiosity, how many evil lairs do you have built into this place?”
“I wasn’t thinking of them as ‘evil lairs’ at the time, or even as ‘lairs.’ I just needed places to think and conduct business. There’s this room, the way into the tower where I kept the Crystal Heart, and my … study. That’s three, and that’s it. Not that many.”
My voices became an impression of Sombra’s gravelly voice. “‘Oh, sure! I’ll just create three pocket dimensions filled with death traps and psychological torture because I need some ‘me time!’ That’s not what villains do at all !’”
“Hush you,” Sombra said, lighting his horn up to see.
We headed down what would have been thirty flights of stairs. “What is it with you and stairs?”
Sombra shrugged. “Before I was adopted, I wanted to be an architect. Stairs are the easiest thing to make magically. Plus, impossible staircases just look cool.”
“That explains it. They do yes, I have to agree with you. What are we looking for down here?”
“My journal and some other personal effects. I also want to collapse this place, and I’ll need your help to do it.”
We came to an old wooden door. Sombra looked at me expectantly. “No way! ” I snarled.
Sombra sighed. “Relax, this door isn’t rigged, the room’s not as important as the tower.” He facehoofed. “The key! I forgot the key! It’s probably at the bottom of a glacier by now,” he muttered. I stuck a claw in the keyhole, and rotated my wrist. *Clunk!* “You’re kidding,” Sombra said.
“Fingers,” I said with a shrug. “Twilight used to lock the front door to keep me from going AWOL at three in the morning. It never worked.”
“I’m impressed,” Sombra said with a sly grin.
We entered the room, and both started coughing from the dust. I swatted away some cobwebs that were at about my height. Sombra started sorting through some of the items, “No, no, no, yes, ABSOLUTELY NOT, yes.” He stuffed the items into a bag he’d brought with him. “Alright, we can leave.”
I looked at all the books. “Twilight would kill us both for destroying a spell book collection from a thousand years ago.”
Sombra nodded. “You’re right. Send them all to her, except that one,” he said, pointing at a slim black covered volume on the table with a hoof.
I held out a paw, and noticed the way it went cold and numb when it got close to the book. “Horcrux?” I asked in an amused tone.
“Nothing so vulgar,” Sombra said, sticking his tongue out. “Just some of my early research into Dark Magic. I’d rather nopony, including me, ever saw it again.” I nodded, and sent all the other books to Twilight’s castle, in a room I knew was empty. “Do you even know how to safely collapse a pocket dimension?” Sombra asked.
I shrugged. “Well, I may not know the exact magical science behind it … but,” I snapped my fingers, and we were standing back in the hall of the Crystal Palace, in front of the false door that now opened into a crystal wall. “Somehow, it works anyway.” I slammed the door closed with a loud, slightly disappointing, click. “Besides, I own a pocket dimension, so I got to figure out how they work.”
“Remind me to never get into a magical duel with you,” Sombra said in shaky tones. “If you had fought me, you would have turned me into a dishrag.”
“Probably,” I said with a grin. “Luckily for you, I’m usually the nice one. Where to next?”
Sombra thought about it. “The tower.” I cringed. Once in the throne room, I opened up the trap in the floor, and we made our way down. Towards the bottom, he asked, “Just out of curiosity, the trap in this door … what would you have seen?”
I sighed. “Is that a roundabout way of asking me what my worst fear is?” He nodded. I thought for a minute. “… I have … a very good , imagination, so I can hazard a guess. It’s not just one thing, though. I’m not talking snakes or spiders.”
“Well, what are you-”
We got to the door. “Let’s find out, Sombrero.” I hauled him through the door with me.
There was a flash of light.
Sombra looked all around him in puzzlement. This isn’t my worst fear… he thought. He then looked behind him. “GOOD GODS !” he shouted.
“Sombra, it’s me ,” I snapped.
“Secundus?!” he asked in shock. I nodded. “You’re … very strange looking,” he commented.
“Yeah, I would be.” I examined my human body. “Been a while since I’ve looked like this , that’s for sure,” I said.
“Where are we?” Sombra asked as he looked around the room.
“Judging by the hideous carpet, I’d say we’re in the apartment I grew up in.”
“Your worst fear is your old house?” Sombra snarked. “There’s nopony here!”
I held up a finger. “Wwaaaiiiitttt for it …”
The front door slammed open. No one walked in, but it shut itself. My shadow lengthened, and stood up behind me, twisting as it did so. I looked up above my now much shorter head, to see an icy, hateful look in eyes above a snarled white beard. “You are just like me,” the towering man said. “You’ve ended up hateful, friendless, and alone. You can’t even stand the sight of yourself.”
“Stop it,” I whimpered in my seven-year-old voice.
The man laughed. “No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always be looking out of your eyes, whispering in your ear. You got my mind, remember? You can’t get away from me, you can’t help but turn into me. And I’m disappointed you thought you could try…”
I looked down, and saw that he was right, I’d died alone and angry at the world.
The scene dissolved, and I was back in my Draconequus body. Sombra examined the sky above him nervously. It was blood red, with large chunks of ash floating through it. Equestria was a wasteland, not a living thing was in sight. There was a tearing and a chewing sound from around the wall of a ruined building.
I walked around it, and saw Thorax, or what was left of Throax, staring glassily up at the sky. Blue blood leaked out of the gaping wound that was the remains of his stomach, deep claw marks ran across his exoskeleton.
Sombra had wandered over to the statues of all the Princesses, Twilight and her friends, Shining Armor, and all the rest, all their faces frozen in a scream. There were more chewing sounds from the dark alley behind us, and a deep growling, mixed with some clicking sounds.
We walked into the alley, stepping over hunks of decaying meat. In the dark, blue irises glowed faintly, and the growling grew worse. The lights suddenly clicked on, and Sombra let out a yelp. Hunched over in the alley in front of us was … me. I was busily gnawing on the remains of Thorax’s heart, licking the blood out of my beard. There wasn’t a trace of intelligence left in my eyes, it was the gaze of a mindless predator … and it had just seen new prey. The other me gave a twisted version of my smile, and lunged.
Sombra and I turned and ran, knowing we’d never make it. Just as claws began to tear into our hides,
there was another flash of light, and we were back in the hall of the Crystal Palace, breathing heavily. I closed my eyes, waiting for the headache to go down, as my eyes slowly returned to their normal color
“Y-you, you, how – what …?” Sombra was stammering incoherently.
I was clenching and unclenching my fists, gritting my teeth, and making exactly that growling/clicking noise. Eventually, I calmed down, and said, “So, that’s my worst fear, in both lives. Tell me what you think. You’ll notice in this life I’d damaged the entire world, naturally I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”
Sombra had gotten his breath back. “You don’t look very scared.”
“That’s because I’m angry . I could still end up like that … thing.”
“No. You couldn’t.” Sombra said, in slightly caring tones. He then said, “I’ve never seen a pony that lucid when they set off that particular trap.”
I shrugged. “I’m not a pony, I’m a Spirit. Besides, most of my dreams turn lucid halfway through, so it wasn’t much of a stretch. Besides, I’d seen that before, and it was only scary the first couple of times.”
“How many times have you seen -”
I cut him off. “Where to next? Your study, right?” He nodded.
A few minutes later, he realized something. “Wait a minute! Sombrero?! ”
“Sorry, that was just cruel of me,” I said with a grin. Sombra nodded. “Smoky it is!” I declared. Sombra facehoofed. “What do you want me to do with the cursed entrance to the tower? I’d rather keep the tower, Cadence would kill me if I rearranged the Palace that much.”
“There’s another way in I can show you. Just destroy that thing.”
I fistpumped, and cheered. “EEEYES! Finally , I get bona-fide permission!”
Dark clouds filled the pit we were in. “Secundus, what are you doing?” Sombra asked nervously. Red lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled. A bolt of lightning struck the door, there was a sound like a tray of glasses being dropped, and a blinding flash of light.
When Sombra’s eyes cleared, we were standing back in the throne room, and I was coughing.
I noticed a small scorch mark in the carpet over where the entrance to the trap had been. “Whoops.”
“Do that a lot?” Sombra asked.
“I tend to get carried away, yes. You’ll have to show the Armors the other, uncursed way into the tower. Let’s get to your study.”
We came to the Palace Library, and I let out a whistle at the number of books. “These all yours?”
Sombra shook his head. “Some of these have been here since my great-grandfather’s time, and I’m sure they’ve added more. Even before I fell, this was always a nice refuge, though,” he said, smiling at a memory.
We headed for a mostly abandoned part of the library. Sombra bent down, and pointed to a pair of books. “Ah, here it is! An Incomplete History of Cursed Objects: Volumes One and Two . Pull the book, Secundus!” I did. “WWWROOOOOOONNNNGGG BOOOOOKKKK!” he screamed as we plummeted through the floor. I noticed the three-foot spikes we were headed for, and quickly got us out of the trap. Sombra put a hoof to his chest, trying to get his heart rate down. The trap door slid back into place. “Just out of scientific interest, do ponies survive for long periods around you?” he snapped.
“They’re your traps!” I snapped back.
“Touché,” he muttered.
“I take it I in fact want to pull Volume Two ?” He slowly nodded. I very carefully, pulled the book forwards, hitting the floor after I did. The bookcase creaked open.
Sombra raised an eyebrow. “Were you expecting another sawblade?” I nodded. He rolled his eyes.
“It’s a miracle Cadence, Shining, and Sunburst have stayed alive in this place.” I muttered. Sombra rolled his eyes again. We walked into the study, which was as dusty as the first hidden room we walked into. “Anything in here cursed?” I asked carefully. Sombra shook his head, already sorting through books and papers. I spotted something on a shelf, and wiped the dust off of it. “Hey, there! What’s your name?” I asked it.
Sombra turned around. “Eh?” His eyes grew wide. “T-that’s nothing ! Nothing at all ! I certainly didn’t mean to hang onto him I just must have misplaced him in here, nothing more. Don’t read anything into it.”
“Sombra, it’s fine. Twilight has Smarty Pants II, and Shining Armor has Brutus Force. What’s this little guy’s name?” I asked as I held the stuffed toy out.
“Prince Erebus,” Sombra muttered.
I examined the black doll with red button eyes, and a star stitched in for a cutie mark. “It suits him,” I said. “So, you want me to destroy him, or-”
“NO!” Sombra shouted in horror. He then blinked in surprise. “J-just put him with everything else we’re keeping, I still need to re-sort it all.”
I smirked, and sent Prince Erebus to the room I’d been sending books to, making sure he was clearly displayed for future taunting. I then said, “If it helps, I slept with a stuffed animal until I was twenty. These days, I just call my teddy bear Thorax.” Sombra turned slightly green. I then noticed a scroll. “SWEET DICHOTOMY!” I held the scroll out. “You have Starswirl the Bearded’s autograph!”
Sombra chuckled. “Are you a fan?”
I shook my head, and shuddered. “It took me two weeks to read his collected papers and essays. No, I’m not a fan.”
“You read Starswirl’s entire published works in just two weeks ?” Sombra asked with shock.
I nodded. “I don’t sleep unless I really want to, I get bored easily, and I’m a freaky-fast reader. Yes. I just meant I should give this to Twi- You should give this to Twilight. Seriously, to her, this is an engagement ring, and the Holy Grail combined.”
“Holy Grail?” Sombra asked in a puzzled tone.
“How your capitol can be named ‘Canterlot’ without your society having any Arthurian legends, is beyond me.” I muttered. “It’s just something she’d really, really like. She’d probably fall down at your hooves and worship.”
Sombra chuckled. “I’d love to see that.”
“What was he like?”
“Who, Starswirl?” I nodded. “Honestly, he was a bit of a jerk. I was just a young, impressionable, aspiring mage, and so I met him and got the autograph. I’m amazed it lasted this long.”
“I had a feeling Starswirl would be a jerk,” I said with a laugh.
“Don’t tell Twilight that,” Sombra said with a smile. “She’d butcher us both.” I nodded. Sombra examined the room. “Well, there isn’t anything else in here worth salvaging.”
I put the scroll with the autograph into a protective bag, then into the sack Sombra was using to carry smaller items. “Save that for a special occasion.” He nodded. I snapped my fingers, and closed the last of the pocket dimensions.
We had reappeared in one of the main halls of the Palace. “Have fun you two?” asked Cadence from behind us with a laugh.
I shrugged. “Aside from the near-death experiences.” Cadence glared at Sombra. He chuckled nervously.
“Well, somepony owes one or two ponies a sincerely heartfelt apology,” Cadence told Sombra. He nodded.
We walked out to the center court of the Palace, to find that everypony had assembled, and were whispering nervously.
Sombra started sweating nervously. “My mind’s gone completely blank!” he hissed to me. “What do I say ?” I leaned down, and whispered something in his ear. “What?” he asked. I whispered some more. “Are you sure ?” he asked. I nodded.
Sombra walked over to the Crystal Heart. His horn glowed for a moment. I noted that his aura had gone from being a sickly lime to an emerald green. He closed his eyes, and touched his horn to the Heart.
*BOOM!*
There was a blinding flash of light, thankfully, I’d summoned up some sunglasses.
When the light cleared, the entire Empire glittered brilliantly. The streets were even cleaner than normal, the sun shone clearly, and even the permanent blizzard outside the Empire had let up for a moment. All the ponies of the Empire were talking excitedly, I didn’t quite know why. Sombra flopped to the ground, his tongue sticking out of his mouth. I could tell he’d burned through a lot of magic, but I still couldn’t tell what he’d done. I fed him a tiny bit of my magic to help him feel less drained. He sprang back up like a jack-in-the-box.
“Are you OK?” I asked in a worried tone.
“I’M GREAT!” he shouted happily, a wide smile on his face, his eyes shining happily. “Who wants to go build a book fort?! Maybe we should reorganize the entire Palace filing system! Ooh! How about we go through a ten mile jog through the Empire?!! Who wants ice cream?!! Everything’ssoprettyI’veneverfeltbetterIloveyouallyou’reallsobeautifulthankyouforbeingsoawesome!” He started turning cartwheels. “This is the best day of my life!!!!” he cheered happily.
By this point my mouth had dropped. He noticed the way I was staring, and stopped flipping around. “WHAT?!” he bellowed with an angry snarl, “Can’t I be happy without you getting jealous?! Is it really that bad if I feel good?! Huh?!” Even though he didn’t look like his evil self, he was still somewhat scary at the moment. A few ponies backed away slowly.
His ears then drooped. “You’re right,” he said lowly. “I’m a horrible pony. I don’t deserve to be happy, or even to be here. I just want to go home. Oh. I don’t have a home anymore.” He suddenly collapsed, and curled into the fetal position, not moving a muscle, not blinking, barely breathing .
“What did you do to him?!” Shining Armor hissed lowly at me.
Realization dawned. “Oh. So that’s what that looks like outside my head.” I walked over to Sombra. “I’m very sorry, but if I’m right, you’re really not going to like me getting much closer…” When I got about two feet away from him, he twisted up and tried to bite me with his fangs, his irises glowing sky blue. He hissed at me, and made the pony version of my clicking growl.
I quickly drained the magic I’d given him out of his system. After a minute, he shakily stood up. “W-what happened?” Sombra asked in his normal voice.
I gave a nervous grin. “I, uh, wanted you to feel a bit better, so I gave you a smidge of my magic to refill your reserves, but I forgot my magic is different than pony magic, and is a large part of what I am, so … you accidentally got a piece of my mind. Well, not really my mind just some of my ‘normal’ emotions, and … stuff. I took it all back!” Sombra rolled his eyes. I passed him a check. “This is enough to cover the average cost of a first visit to a therapist. After they day I’ve given you, you’ll need it.”
Sombra chuckled, before firing a laser out of his horn at the check. “I’m fine. Actually, if that’s just a piece of your mind, how are you still alive?”
I shrugged. “It’s a combination of stubbornness and sheer dumb luck.” I pulled out a polaroid, and snapped a picture of Sombra.
“What?” he asked in a confused tone.
“You’ve crystaled,” I said, waiting for the photo to develop. “You hadn’t noticed?” He shook his head. It was true, everypony in the Empire had crystaled the way they did when something wonderful happened. Rather than the awful combing I’d done, Sombra’s mane was now in a long braid down his back, a bit like a Viking. It was very old-fashioned, but it definitely suited him. “Hey!” I called, “That’s not the only thing that happened!”
“What?!” Sombra asked. I pointed. Sombra looked like he was chasing his tail for a minute as he circled to get a good look. “Oh, my gods !” Sombra practically squealed with glee. Sombra’s flank now proudly bore an exactly replica of the Crystal Heart.
Sombra stopped in his tracks. “Wait! What’d I even get it for?!”
“Well, what’d you just do?” I asked. I was somewhat puzzled. I could tell that he’d cast a large spell, and my Balance Sense™ could tell that he’d tipped the scales of local magic majorly into the harmony category, but I still couldn’t tell what he’d actually done .
Sombra shrugged. “All I did was undo the last lingering effects of my curse. You said I should demonstrate my apology, rather than just make some sappy speech.” He blinked. “So, is my cutie mark in magic after all?”
I grinned. “I’m not a betting sort of entity, but …” I placed a bit in his hoof, “I’d say it’s for giving of yourself to those you care about. It’s just a little late. Maybe it knew you’d be here a thousand years later, who knows? There isn’t a lot of research into them.”
Sombra chuckled. A cooing sound came from behind us, near the door to the Palace. Sombra turned and looked. “A baby?” he asked curiously. Sunburst levitated Flurry Heart over to us. She looked up at Sombra, and giggled in a tooth-achingly sweet voice. Sombra seemed puzzled. After a few minutes, Sombra said, “Well … she seems … functional.” I snickered. “What?” he asked.
“Most ponies turn to helpless lumps of jelly in the face of her never-ending onslaught of weaponized adorableness.” Cadence and Shining glared at me. Not noticing, I said, “She can be quite a terror, I’ve heard.” The glares increased. Flurry cooed again. “Hmm? Sorry, what was that?” I asked her. She babbled happily. “Shadow-heart stallion has proved himself,” I translated. “Amends have been made, and the Empire has been restored at last.” Flurry clapped her hooves together, and giggled. “Your Princess demands a party to commemorate this momentous occasion!” I called to the Crystal Ponies. They cheered.
In true pony fashion, a party was pulled out of thin air, and everypony began to celebrate. As it got into swing, Shining Armor walked over, and wryly said, “So … I know you’re a Spirit, but can you actually speak Baby, or were you just putting words into Flurry’s mouth?”
“That would be slander against a member of Equestrian royalty!” I said in horror. “I would never, I could get six months jail time for that!”
Shining stared at me, but my expression didn’t change. He chuckled, and said, “Well, I know it’s what she would have said.” He walked away to be with his family.
A minute later, I remembered something, and walked over to him. “Prince Armor? I just thought you should be made aware … Flurry Heart prefers to be called Harmonia, Dark Empress Over All Equestria.”
Shining spat out his drink. “Please tell me that was a joke!” he said with wide eyes.
I shrugged. “She’ll grow out of it. It’s more common than you’d think. You should hear the Cake twins’ preferred names. You might want to teach her to not call everypony ‘Peasants,’ though.” Shining stammered for a few seconds. I shrugged, and headed back out.
I was trying to find a place to hide, but the place I’d picked was occupied. “OK, this isn’t a residual trace from my magic,” I said drily.
“But-!”
In spite of his size, I picked Sombra up by his neck. “If I have to suffer through a party in your honor, so do you !” I threw both of us back into the fray.
After about two hours, I glanced at the setting sun. “We’d better be getting back,” I told Shining and Cadence. “I’ve got a coltfriend to apologize to for skipping out all day, and Twilight’s most likely worried over Sombra. Thank you for not throwing us in the dungeon when we showed up out of the blue.”
“Well, if you don’t write ahead next time …” Shining said with a grin. I nodded.
After explaining our rearranging of some hidden parts of the Palace, Sombra grabbed his bag. “You know what? I’m to tired to take the train home. Au revoir, all!” I teleported Sombra to Twilight’s Castle, wishing him a good night.
Before I left, he said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For … helping me become myself again.” Sombra blinked in surprise. “Your chest is glowing again.”
I looked down, and noticed that the scar over my left heart was healing. “Oh.”
“What does it mean?”
“It just means I kept a promise. See you for our weekly chess game?” Sombra nodded.
When I got back to the Hive, I wound up in Thorax’s room without realizing it. I think it was going to be normal for us from now on. Thorax was in bed, reading one of the books I’d brought from the library in my Realm. “Well, you’re in a great mood,” he said with a smile. “How’d it go?”
“Surprisingly well. I think I can stop worrying about Sombra and what’s going to happen to him, he’s in good hooves, not the least of which is his own. I’m still a little nervous about my trial, but I think it’ll be OK.”
“Well, you’ve said that some Draconequui can speak in your defense at the trial, right?” I nodded. “What about us ‘mere mortals?’ Could I speak, if that’s appropriate?” I was about to reply, when Thorax clutched his stomach. “KAACK!” He coughed up a scroll with the Council’s seal on it. It read: You can, yes. Expect to be summoned at eight a.m., Equestrian Central Time. Best of Luck. “That’s a little creepy,” Thorax said in a nervous tone.
“Sorry, the head of the Council is the Spirit of Time, which makes him omniscient, so he has a really good sense of timing. He also has a slightly warped sense of humor.”
This time I hacked up a scroll. In Tempus’s loopy writing it said: I DO NOT!
“Well, I guess you’re coming with me to court tomorrow morning,” I said cheerfully. “Mind if I sleep in here?”
“Sure!” Thorax said. I got down on all fours, and paced the floor a few times. “Why are you taking the floor?” Thorax asked.
“If I take the bed, I might do something unseemly,” I said with a grin. I curled up, with my tails over my nose.
Thorax chuckled. “If I’m a housecat, you are an overgrown puppy.”
“Oh, hush,” I said without opening my eyes.
“You going to sleep tonight? If not, I can stay up a bit, and talk or something.”
“I’m good. ‘Night.”
“Night Sec.”
The next morning, I was examining the cuckoo clock on the wall as Thorax finished getting ready.
“Just so you know, this isn’t going to feel good,” I said quickly.
Thorax raised an eyebrow. “What’s not?”
*BAMF!*
When we got to the courtroom, Thorax clutched his stomach. “That felt horrible ,” he groaned.
“Sorry, you get used to it after a few times.”
“At least he didn’t throw up,” said a familiar voice.
“Hi Discord!” I said cheerfully.
“Hi, Thorax!” Discord said. When Thorax shook his talons, Throax’s leg stayed exactly where it was, and Thorax was shaken up and down.
“Discord, leave him be,” I growled lightly.
When Discord let go, Thorax waited for his eyes to stop spinning, before asking, “So, you’re a part of the trial?”
“Of course! I’m the squirt’s chief advocate!” Discord said, giving me a noogie. “I do know him better than any other Draconequus knows him, so I’m the most qualified to be an amazing defense attorney!” Discord was wearing a dark suit with a red tie and pocket square, hip glasses, and carrying a large briefcase with the words, “D. Cord: Attorney at Law” on it. His mane was also slicked back.
Thorax chuckled, he knew how much Discord hated looking neat and orderly, even if it was just in one of his costumes.
Discord showed Thorax to his seat, the room still looked like it was hanging in space. I took my chair in the front; the Judge took his seat in the front of the room. The Judge was a living shadow, I’d been told he was a good entity, but not someDraconequus to get on the wrong side of in court.
A gong sounded. You may begin , the Judge thought at Discord.
Discord stood up, peering at a piece of paper. “Thank you, Your Honor. The defense calls its final witness, Secundus’s chosen mate: Thorax, King of the Changelings of Equestria.” There was some surprised murmuring in the room, I hadn’t exactly flashed around the fact that I’d chosen a mate so quickly.
Thorax stood up, smelling very nervous. “Your Honor, I don’t claim to understand Draconequine law, I don’t even understand all of it that Sec has explained to me. I will use what I do understand to defend him. He’s charged with interfering in the timeline of Equestria to prevent Sombra’s original rise to power, right?” The Judge nodded. “It’s my understanding that a Draconequus is firstly charged with their intentions, then with the actual crime committed, right?” The Judge nodded again.
“Then I’ll start with his intentions. He only wanted to meddle in the timeline because at that moment, Sombra had us all prisoner. He was only thinking about helping and protecting us, and to do that, he had to stop Sombra returning.”
Nevertheless, the Judge thought, there was a desire for revenge involved. The defendant has admitted this freely. He could have dealt with the issue in other ways than temporal interference.
Discord spoke up. “Your Honor, those of us who have had a mate before can testify how deeply we will protect them. Thorax here can tell you of the extreme lengths I would have gone to in order to defend Fluttershy when Chrysalis had her foalnapped.”
The Judge seemed amused. Yes, but your intentions were to rescue your … friend, without the level of violence desired by Secundus.
Discord huffed. “Oh, don’t pretend it didn’t cross my mind to wipe Chrysalis out at the time. Are you really going to hold him to this high a standard?”
The Judge laughed. You had the same intentions at that moment, yes. However, in your case, they were only desires, Secundus acted on his intentions .
Thorax spoke up. “OK, let’s talk about his actions then. Instead of wiping out Sombra, he has actually defended him against the ponies who he had hurt. He helped him kick his need for Dark Magic, and helped to teach him the value of friendship. In fact, he did the exact opposite of what he originally intended to do. Doesn’t that make this whole trial a farce?” Thorax snapped.
A ripple of shock went through the room. I don’t think anyone had ever said something like that. It reminded me how much I loved Thorax, while making me sure that he was about to be reduced to free-floating atoms.
The Judge rippled with uncertainty. There must be consequences for-
“For what ?! Because he had an angry thought?! Do you know how many times I’ve thought about hurting someling, and I’m the pushover! If you sentence him based on a thought he had in a horrible circumstance, and don’t take his actual actions into account, then by the standards of my world, your entire system of law is backwards.” I noticed Discord trying to hide a smile.
Thorax continued, “Even if he thinks he could have murdered Sombra, he didn’t, and I know he never could. So, just let him be,” Thorax said with a snarl at the Judge.
I knew with absolute certainty that Thorax was a dead Changeling trotting, and I didn’t care, because I was so over the moon about the way he’d defended me. The Judge was suddenly sitting in a different position, being able to stop time to gather your thoughts was a very handy talent of my species.
The Judge cleared his throat. After … due consideration … it is decided that Secundus will be sentenced to a period of light supervisory probation, the exact period to be determined by his subsequent behavior. Mostly just to keep him out of trouble. The Judge then leaned forward. It would be in both of your best interests if he didn’t appear before my court for another millennium.
“Done,” Thorax said with the speed of a striking snake. He then stood up, and very possessively dragged me after him. I heard eveyDraconequus dying laughing as we stepped through a portal back to Equestria.
“Thorax … you can let go now, I know I’m yours.” I said.
“I know, I just wanted your family to know too,” he said.
I laughed. “Remind to write a letter thanking Ember for her assertiveness training, but … you know he could have killed you, right?”
Thorax shrugged. “I didn’t think he actually would have. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Ah, yes. Thank you, you were magnificent! I don’t think I’ve seen that side of you before.”
“I’m a bug of many sides, I like to keep everyling guessing,” Thorax said with a smirk.
I examined where we were, we were in a bright park, just outside Ponyville. Thorax asked, “Just out of curiosity, you haven’t called me your ‘mate’ since that day with Sombra. Do you still feel that way about me?” he asked coyly.
“Oh, well , … I … uh,” Thorax flew up, and rubbed his head under my chin a few times, taking care not to poke me. He then nuzzled the fur on my chest, followed by my cheek. He then kissed me on the lips for thirty seconds. I fell flat on my back, with my tails splayed down, as stiff as a piece of wood, not moving, not blinking, not even breathing.
“Yep! I’m still your mate!” Thorax said with a predatory smirk.
I held up a finger. “Medic !” I croaked. Thorax snickered. I stood up. “Whatever am I going to do with you?” I mused aloud.
“You could always marry me,” Thorax said slyly.
I wound around him, and touched the tip of my snout to his. “You sure you’d want to marry a headcase like me?” I asked with a grin.
Thorax frowned, and sighed. “Actually … I have a confession.”
“Oh?” I unwound from him. His tone made me nervous.
Thorax closed his eyes, a pained look on his face. “You see, I- I’ve met someling.”
I could hear the brakes screeching as my world ground to a halt. “What ?” I asked, praying I’d heard wrong.
Thorax nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been getting to know him a bit, and the more I know about him, the more I like him.”
“Thorax?” I asked.
“He’s very funny, very caring, I love spending time with him,” by this point I was crying a bit at his words. “Personally, I think he’s very sexy,” Thorax continued.
“THORAX!” I said in shock. “I can’t! I just can’t listen to this! Get away from me!” I started heading in the opposite direction.
“AND HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO JEOPARDIZE THE ENTIRE TIMELINE FOR ME!” Thorax shouted at me.
I stopped in my tracks. I then stomped over to Thorax. “Do you have some sort of death wish I am not aware of?” I growled.
“No, you’re just too fun to mess with,” Thorax said with a smug grin.
I sighed. “True.” I grinned, “You really find me sexy?”
“Were you completely oblivious this whole time we’ve been dating?” Thorax snarked.
I snickered. “Maybe. You’re pretty cute yourself.”
“I am not cute!” Thorax huffed adorably.
“Mmm. I beg to differ. Let’s go home, and I can find a way to make you pay for that.” Thorax grinned at me.
At the end of that week, early in the morning, I asked Thorax, “Hey, I know this is a bit random, but could we go for a picnic? Like we did on your hatch day?”
Thorax nodded. “Sure, I could use a break. Where are we going?”
“My place. I need to dust, and there’s something else I have to take care of.”
“OK, I’m dying of curiosity now,” Thorax teased.
“Shall we?” He nodded, and we stepped over to my Realm. “Memories, huh?” I joked. Thorax chuckled.
“So, you need a hoof with the dusting?” Thorax asked.
“Hmm? Oh. No, I’m good, I can dust any time.”
“Then what are we here for?” Thorax asked with surprise.
I held up a picnic basket. “Can we eat? There’s a thermos of honeysuckle nectar, daisy sandwiches, that really expensive cheese you like I can never remember the name of, and a tub of rocky road.”
Thorax’s eyes lit up. “What did I do to deserve this ?”
“Can we eat first? I think better when I’ve eaten.”
As he dug in, Thorax noted with amusement that I wasn’t actually eating. “Sec?” he chuckled, “You’re a nervous wreck! What is going on?”
I stood up, and tried unsuccessfully to comb my half-beard and mane with my fingers. Here goes, I thought.
I knelt down on one knee. “Gah!” I winced.
“You OK?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I forget my knees don’t bend that way very well anymore. Way to ruin the moment. Anyways,” I cleared my throat, and did my best to be serious. “Earlier this week, you asked if I still thought of you as my mate, since I hadn’t really talked about it since I first called you that. I’m talking about it now. I do, entirely. The more I get to know about you, the more I love you, and I’ve come to realize that you feel the same way, even if I don’t know why. You’re not my ‘other half,’ you’re my other five-sixths, and I’d never be complete without you. I want to spend the rest of your life with you. Would you do me a great honor?” I held up a medium-sized jewelry box. “Would you, Thorax, marry me?”
Thorax was momentarily speechless. He opened the box. I got very nervous. “I – I know that they make horn rings, or hoof rings if you want to be extravagant, or earrings if you want to be old-fashioned, but I kept thinking about it, and I got you this. I shouldn’t have, I mean, you’re a stallion, and it’s not what stallions wear , but, I just thought it fit you for some reason so I-”
Thorax held up a sliver locket in the shape of a heart. “It’s beautiful,” he muttered. He then blushed and said, “It’s actually great. I’m … not the most ‘macho’ stallion around, you might not have noticed that.” I rolled my eyes. Thorax then examined the engraving. In small block print the words “Custos Mea Corda” were engraved on the outside of the locket. “My Pony Latin is pretty rusty,” Thorax said with a laugh.
“My any Latin is nonexistent, but it means ‘Keeper of my hearts.”
Thorax blushed. He then opened the locket. Inside was a small portrait of him on one side, and of me on the other. “Did you paint these?” he asked, recognize the style from a craft session in the Hive.
I nodded. “Yeah, they’re not very good, and it took sitting up all night with a one-hair brush, but I wanted to do it that way.”
“It’s perfect.” Thorax said. He put the locket on, and grabbed me in a hug. He then pulled my ear down level with his mouth. “Yes, by the way,” he whispered. Before I could reply, he pulled me in for a kiss.
When my head stopped spinning, I said, “Thank you .” I was crying a bit. I then chuckled. “I do still have one or two minor details to iron out – like the entire wedding.” Thorax laughed. “Planning’s boring!” I declared with my arms folded and a smile.
“So, I’ve got a great locket, but what do you have?” Thorax asked with interest.
“My finger takes a size ten horn ring. I just like simple bands, and I honestly prefer stainless steel to silver or gold to you don’t have to break the Changeling Treasury on my account.” Thorax rolled his eys.
“Come on, then,” Thorax said as he started to pull me back to the entrance. “Besides, I want to help pick out your dress!”
“I AM NOT WEARING A-”
“Joke,” Thorax said with a grin.
“TTHOOOOORRRRAAAAXXX!”
Author's Note
Thorax, it's not nice to mess with a loaded Draconequus like that.
Whelp, only one more chapter after this!
See you soon!
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Chapter Eleven: In Which I Marry the Moose of My Dreams
Chapter Eleven:
In Which I Marry the Moose of My Dreams
The Big Day arrived. Twilight came to visit me in my Realm, where I’d been staying to avoid seeing Thorax before the wedding and found my hiding under my couch. She pulled me out by my tails.
“Not getting cold hooves, are we?” she asked teasingly.
“Twilight, I can’t do this!! I can’t get married, I’m only 22! In Draconequus years, I’m not even a month old yet! What if this is all a horrible mistake? What if a war starts, what if I go insane, what if I’m not good enough for him, what if-”
“Secundus, it’s fine. You’ll do great. It’s just a quick ceremony, followed by a slightly outrageous party. You’ll live. The marriage is much more important, despite what Stephen Magnet says. You do love Thorax, right?”
I nodded. “Enough to tear reality apart if I have to, yes. But I’m still nervous, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like. The Changelings seem to think I’m a joke, and that Thorax is way too wishy-washy, just because he wants to marry me. Twilight, , how can I live with myself if I constantly embarrass Thorax in front of his subjects? I love him, but I don’t want to cost him the respect of his friends and family. I just …”
Twilight gave me a quick hug. “Tell you what. The ceremony isn’t until 1:00 Equestrian Central Time, so for right now, why not just get into your tux? Rarity would never speak to you again if you didn’t at least try it on today. We wouldn’t want that.”
I nodded, and teleported the garment bag over to me. “Could you hoof me the tie?” She nodded, and hoofed it over. “Well, I will give Rarity credit when it’s this due. This is wonderful.” Instead of my usual half-and-half fashion sense that I used while wearing clothes, Rarity had created a simple black tux with a bright green inner lining. The buttons were a light gold, and the bowtie was the same shade of amethyst as Thorax’s eyes. I guess she wanted us to color coordinate, which was difficult in my case.
As I finished buttoning up the tux, and tying the bowtie, I cringed at a memory it brought up. Rarity had decided to make our outfits at Carousel Boutique, since it was her “home base.” One afternoon, close to the wedding date, I was passing by, when I heard a small explosion, followed by and enraged scream of “These measurements are impossible !!” followed by a truly epic guitar solo that made ponies in the street stop and stare with their mouths open. I’d promised myself to double her pay, and send her an extra-large box of chocolates as an apology.
My trip down memory lane continued. Rather than just popping in, I’d made a formal appointment with the Princesses. They both seemed happy to see me. “So, Secundus, what brings you here today?” asked Celestia.
I nervously ran my fingers through my mane. “Well … as you remember from our … last encounter … I’ve grown very close with Thorax.” The Princesses shared a knowing smile. By this point, most of the fur on my face had a pinkish tinge. “Anyway, long story short, I proposed yesterday, and he accepted. If it’s not too much trouble, would you perform the ceremony?”
Celestia smiled. I would be happy t-”
I cut her off. “Actually, and all due respect Princess Celestia, I was wondering if Princess Luna would marry us.”
“Me?” Luna asked, sounding shocked. I nodded. Lunas gaze was distant, she was lost in memory. “I … have never performed a wedding before.”
I smiled. “That’s part of the reason I’m asking. You do share equal power with Celestia. Err … would the wedding be legal? I’m not sure how common same-sex interspecies marriage is in Equestria.”
Luna’s eyes narrowed, and she smiled dangerously. Apparently, she took that as a challenge. “Given that our word is practically law, and even our expressions have an impact on governing principles, I am certain that if I marry you, no one will question it.”
I smiled again. “Great. The date is July 14th. I still have to pick a venue, but I’ll keep in touch between now and then.” I popped back to my realm, and collapsed into an armchair, wondering what all I was going to do about the wedding.
Back in the present, I teleported Twilight and myself to Canterlot Castle. It was the only venue big enough to house everypony, and everyling. Twilight took her seat in the front row, by her friends, and right next to Sombra.
I walked to the front of the room, sweating bullets. I glanced at the crowd. Twilight and her friends, Sombra, Shining Armor and Cadence, and Princess Celestia took up the front row. One half of the hall was taken up by the Changelings, all of whom were looking at me with interest. The other half of the hall was taken up with residents and friends from Ponyville, and towards the front sat Tempus, the Spirit of Time. Discord had insisted that a member of the Council attend and observe the wedding, to “make it official on our end,” and Tempus scared me the least. In all honesty, I was getting to be friends with some Draconequui, like Encore, the Spirit of Death.
“You nervous?” whispered Spike. Spike was serving as Thorax’s “best dragon.” I nodded. “All you have to do is say ‘I do,’” he said.
“I’m sure even he can remember that,” said Discord condescendingly. Discord was my “best Draconequus.” His suit jacket was a purple and pink plaid with a green polka-dot tie. I rolled my eyes, knowing that Discord still had to be himself, even down to his clothes.
Princess Luna took her place, and smiled benevolently at me and the crowd. “Here goes,” she whispered with a wink. A song started to echo through the hall, it wasn’t the “bridal march,” Thorax had said it was an old Changeling folk-tune. The Changelings all smiled, and a few buzzed their wings with excitement.
The doors opened, and Thorax walked in, looking as nervous as I was. His tux was black, with pale gold lining, and light green buttons. His bowtie was half black, and half sky blue, the closest color to my eyes I’d seen. I realized that Rarity had designed our tuxes to complement each other, and us. I had to paw it to that mare, she was brilliant.
“H-hi.” Thorax squeaked.
Luna looked over the assembled crowd, and cleared her throat. “Mares and Gentlecolts, Changelings and Draconequui, we are here today to formalize the union of Secundus, and King Thorax. I will admit that when I first met Secundus I was unsure what to make of him. I saw and Draconequus who was unsure of both himself, and his path in life; a Draconequus who could have been a friend or a foe to Equestria. I felt much the same way when Thorax became King of the Changelings. I sensed great goodness and joy within him, but was unsure what kind of a leader he would make. I am pleased to report that he has become a strong and inspired leader of his people. I am equally pleased with Secundus’s progress over the last few months. It is a rare individual who can fight the light hidden in darkness, and see good in those who cannot see it in themselves. I look forward to observing what I can of his life’s work.”
Luna looked at Thorax. “Do you, Thorax, take Secundus to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
Thorax nodded. “Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent.”
Luna looked at me. “Do you, Secundus, take Thorax as your lawfully wedded husband?”
I smiled. “Until Eternity passes.”
My ears heard Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom say “Awwww!” while Scootaloo said “Blech. Mush.”
There was a sound like a foghorn, and I could make out Cadence saying, “It’s … OK, he always cries at weddings.
Luna smiled. “Then I pronounce you king,” her grin widened, “and king.”
I looked at Thorax. “What does she mean?”
He smiled. “We’ll talk about it.” He then levitated my ring onto my finger, and I hung his locket around his neck. Thorax’s eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open. “The honeymoon! We forgot the honeymoon!!”
I smirked, reached into my jacket pocket, and pulled out some slips of paper. “I remember your disguise from our first date, and I always wanted to see my world’s version, so,” my smirk widened, “I just so happen to have some reservations for Mareis, Prance. Now, will you please stop worrying, and kiss me?” He blushed, and nodded. I cupped his face with my paws, bent down, and kissed him. *POW! BOOM! KA-POW! POP, POP, POP!* I jumped about a foot in the air. “What?!! I – oh. Flameless fireworks. Thanks, Doc!” I called.
Thorax chuckled, and kissed me again, this time to some cheers. “I love you Sec,” he murmured into my ear.
“I love you too Thorax.” I replied.
Thorax pulled away from me, and his ears drooped. He looked at me sadly. “I’m REALLY sorry about this, but I have to go now. Official Hive business.”
“WHAT?! Thorax, you can’t just-”
He put a hoof to my lips. “I am not going to let our first fight as husbands be at the altar,” he said with a smile. “I’ll be there tonight for the reception, I promise.”
“If you’re more than half an hour late …” I warned.
He smiled. “Can’t you just turn back time?” he teased.
I shook my head. “I’m still considered a ‘trainee,’ so I can’t do things like that without filling out an ungodly amount of paperwork. In triplicate. Technically, I’m still on probation for even traveling back in time to try to rescue you, remember ?” I said summoning a pair of shackles. Discord and Tempus chuckled.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Thorax said, while giving me a nuzzle. He then turned, looked at the assembled Changelings, and nodded. The all stood up, and filed out, followed by Thorax. I stepped off the platform, wishing I had pants with pockets I could stuff my paws into. Ponies rushed over to meet me.
“Congratulations!” said Twilight. “I wonder where all the Changelings disappeared to.”
“I believe we will find out,” said Luna with a smile as she sauntered by.
“Weirdest. Wedding. Ever!” said Rainbow Dash with an evil grin.
“Aw! Thank you!” I smiled.
“Yes, congratulations, darling,” said Rarity, “I must admit, you two fit together nicely.”
“Thank you. Thank you for our tuxes as well. They’re perfect. I’m sorry they were so much trouble. I do have weird proportions compared to ponies.”
Rarity waved a hoof. “Think nothing of it! I was glad to contribute. How often do I get to design for royalty?”
I smiled, and sighed. “Well, thank you all. If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot to do before tonight. Ms. Pie? I believe I have need of your services.”
“Perfect!” Pinkie sang with a wide smile.
“Bye ya crazy noodle!” called Applejack.
“Good luck!” chirped Fluttershy.
I arrived at the chosen venue for the evening, and Pinkie and I began to set up. Pinkie fired black, white, and lime green streamers, as well as lots of confetti throughout the room, while I levitated, tablecloths, napkins, plates, glasses, silverware, and place cards to every table. The florist arrived, and we helped to set up the yellow roses. Pinkie blew up balloons that matched the stream colors, I have no idea how she found those exact colors.
A table was set up for cards and gifts. I’d asked some of the Changelings if we could borrow their artwork for the evening, and they seemed excited at the chance to show off. I carefully displayed the paintings, pots, sculptures, and knitted and crocheted projects throughout the room.
I checked on the catering, it was coming along well. A garden salad, followed by daisy and cucumber sandwiches, then baked hayloaves, then oatcakes for dessert. Naturally, there was a huge buffet of ‘hoof food,’ as it was called in Equestria. I’d politely asked all of the attending ponies to share as much love as they could with the Changelings, since the catering wasn’t their primary food source. The lights were dimmed, and candles were set up on every table and around the room, along with a sort of disco ball hanging from the ceiling. It was coming along nicely.
About the time the finishing touches were put on, Thorax trotted in. “Wow! This place looks great!”
I shrugged. “I had a lot of help. I’m glad you like it, it’s a bit … different. So, where did you and the rest of the Hive disappear to?”
Thorax gave a huge adorkable grin, and his eyes sparkled. “Weellll, there’s no precedent in Changeling law for this, but …” he paused for dramatic effect, “we’re officially joint rulers!”
My jaw dropped. “I-I’m a King ? As in King of the Changelings? One of the rulers of Equestria?”
“What did you think would happen when you married into royalty?” Thorax teased.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I didn’t think anything would change. I certainly didn’t think the title would transfer. I was just praying I wouldn’t get stuck with the title of ‘King’s consort.’” Thorax snickered. I sighed. “I don’t know what to say. Honestly … I’m a bit worried. Equestria’s my home world now, but I have to hop across the multiverse for work at the drop of a hat. Sometimes for months! What if … what if you need me, and I’m not here for you? What if something happens, and you get hurt, or – or worse?”
Thorax gave my paw a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll be fine together. We’ll work it out somehow. I promise I’ll stay safe, so you don’t worry.” He grinned. “Besides, I have my own fluffy noodle to protect me now!”
“Har. Har.” I said drily.
Thorax embraced me. “I’m serious ! How many ponies or Changelings have a husband who would literally tear time and space apart for them, just to keep them safe? I know for sure you’ll protect me. Knowing you, probably in full-on papa wolf mode. You don’t know what it’s like to know that.”
I smiled. “Well, you aren’t exactly a cream-puff yourself anymore, you did a great job protecting me .” I hugged him tighter. “Thank you . For marrying me, and for everything, my goofy bug-horse.”
“You’re welcome, my crazy noodle,” he murmured.
I didn’t want to, but I broke out of the hug. “Well, the guests should be arriving soon. Shall we?” He nodded.
We stood by the door, and started to great the growing stream of guests. Cadence and Shinning Armor were among the first to arrive. I pulled them both into a hug. “Thank you for helping Thorax and me have our first date!”
Cadence laughed. “I was only doing my job! Besides, when Twilight wrote, she said you’d be perfect together,” she said with a smirk.
“Yeah, but if the two of you hadn’t set us up, I would never have asked Thorax out on my own, we wouldn’t have met, everything wouldn’t have happened that did happen, we wouldn’t have fallen in love, would wouldn’t have gotten married, and I’d have … stayed … in … my … room.” My voices trailed off. “For Eternity.” Thorax poked me. “Ow! Thanks, dear. Anyway, I just wanted to thank both of you properly.”
Shining smiled. “Don’t mention it! I hadn’t seen Cadence that excited to play matchmaker in almost a year!” Cadence elbowed Shining in the ribs with her wing.
“You’re both at table four, near Twilight and the Princesses. Enjoy yourselves!” They took their seats.
I spotted Tempus walking in with the Hooves family, he and the Doctor were having an extremely animated conversation. Words like ‘temporal refraction’ kept popping up. I greeted them, and pointed out their table. The Princesses walked in, each apparently trying to outdo the other with her huge gift bag. After they set them on the table, we made small talk for a few minutes, but I was starting to run out of things to say to everypony. All the Changelings who walked in stared at me; most with amusement, some with apprehension, some with slight mistrust, and others with expressions I couldn’t place. My being a new ruler of the Hive was going to take some getting used to; on all our sides.
Among the last to arrive were Twilight and her friends. “This place looks mighty nice,” said Applejack warmly.
“Thank Pinkie, she did most of it,” I said diplomatically.
Pinkie smiled. “Aww, it was nothing! You did all the heavy lifting!”
“It’s lovely,” said Fluttershy, “it suits you both so nicely.”
Discord was staring dreamily at her. “Now, promise me you’ll dance with me Fluttershy! I have some new moves I want to show you!” She smiled, and took his paw.
I spotted something by the door. “Would you all excuse me? This’ll just take a second. Thorax can show you all to your table; Shining, Cadence, Luna, Celestia, and Sunburst are waiting to see you all.”
I walked out the door, closed it behind me, and smiled. “Nopony’s going to bite you here, not even me.”
“I am … not comfortable … being seen in public. Yet,” said Sombra moodily.
“Well, you’ll have to be around ponies you don’t know who might know who you are at some point. I know what it’s like to worry others will think you’re a monster, but you’re not. Trust me on that. After everything I put them through the past year, that room is about as judgement-free as it gets. You look wonderful, by the way.”
“Are you hitting on me?” Sombra asked with a raised brow and a smirk.
“Hey, I’m married!” I laughed. My eyes went wide. “Good grief. I’m married! All I meant was that you look a lot more like the real you than you did the first time we met.” Sombra grimaced at that particular memory. I sighed. “Yeah, you’ve got a past you’re not entirely proud of, who doesn’t? Remind me to get together with you some time, and we can swap horror stories. Let’s head in, and remember that if anypony is cruel to you in there, I’ll eat them. After Twilight banishes them to another dimension, of course.” Sombra smirked. He nodded, and we went in.
The hall was filled with friends from all over. I took my seat next to Thorax, and the dinner began. Thorax and I chatted happily, but I noticed he was only picking at his salad. “Is the dinner not right?” I asked worriedly.
Thorax laughed, and shook his head. “No, it looks great! I’m just not very hungry,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, you have been feeding me a ten-course meal all day,” he said with a grin. He then peered at my plate. “What in the world are you eating ?!”
I quickly swallowed, and put my plate under my chair. “You really don’t want to know. It’s a delicacy on a small planet 12 that’s solar systems out from here. Sorry if it bothers you.”
Thorax laughed, and put a leg around my shoulders, nuzzling into me. “I love that you’re weird, remember?” I nodded, picked my plate up, and went back to my food.
Neither of the “best men” were really the speech giving type, at least not at things like weddings, so after everyone had eaten, we all went outside, were snacks and a dancefloor had been set up.
As we headed out, Thorax asked, “So, what song did you pick? I never got to find out.”
“I wanted it to be a surprise. I had to get special permission, but I was able to import a record of some old favorites of mine. I think you’ll like it.”
We took the floor, and Vinyl Scratch dropped the record into her DJ table. As Thorax and I started dancing, I’d never felt more at home. When my favorite verse came on, I softly sang along to Thorax, Let ‘em say we’re crazy, what do they know? Put your arms around me baby, don’t ever let go, let the world around us, just fall apart, baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing’s gonna stop us now, and if this world runs out of lovers, we’ll still have each other, nothing’s gonna stop us, nothing’s gonna stop us now…
After a while, Thorax murmured, “Sec.”
“Hmm?”
“The music’s stopped.”
I flicked an ear. “Ah. Yes. So it has.”
“Plus, we’re floating.”
I glanced down. “Only by about three feet. I was wondering why I felt light-headed.” I gave Thorax one last twirl, and returned us to the ground.
Pinkie edged into my vision, her eyes wide, and her smile getting bigger and bigger. I rolled my eyes, grinned, and nodded. “LET’S GET THIS PART STARTED!” she cried, leaping up as confetti exploded behind her. The outside dancefloor lit up, and music filled it, as ponies began to dance, laugh, and talk.
I got to do one of my least favorite things in creation … mingle. It helped that my coltfri- husband I mentally corrected with a bit of giddiness, could sense exactly how nervous I was. After about ten minutes, I began to loosen up. One of my favorite songs by an Equestrian 70s-style band called Leo came on. I started tapping my hoof to the beat. Before I knew it, I was dancing, and losing myself in the song.
Two minutes later, I heard very familiar hysterical laughter. “You are a horrible dancer!” Thorax called gleefully.
“I told you! Why did everypony think I’d be a good fast dancer when I explicitly said I wasn’t ?” Thorax snickered. “You know you love me,” I teased.
Thorax’s eyelids lowered, and a seductive smile oozed up his muzzle. “Do I know that?” he asked lowly. He thought about it for thirty seconds. “Yes. Yes, I do,” he finally decided.
I smiled, and looked around the room at everypony dancing. “Would you excuse me for a little over three minutes?” He nodded. I walked over to a mare I’d spotted, who I never thought would be alone at a party. I held up the black and white top hat Discord had given me. “Would you like to see a magic trick Pinkie?”
“Sure!” she said with a smile.
I reached into the hat, and rummaged around, my arm disappearing up to the shoulder. There was a clattering sound, followed by a yelp. I then pulled somepony partway out of the hat. The stallion looked around the room, then down at the dinner jacket he hadn’t been wearing a moment ago. A kazoo fell out of his mouth. “Bw-bwah?” he asked.
“Cheesie!” cried Pinkie.
I leaned down. “My apologies, Mr. Sandwich, but I knew you were out in the middle of the desert, and I thought Ms. Pie could really use a dance partner. When you’re ready to go back, just step back through the hat,” I said, pulling him the rest of the way out, and setting him on his hooves. “Maybe the two of you could head back together,” I said with a wink.
Pinkie attacked Cheese Sandwich in a hug. “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! You haven’t written in weeks !”
Cheese chuckled. “I missed you too. Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy lately, I was thinking of swinging by to surprise you, actually.” He looked at me. “Uh … thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” I said as I pawed him the hat. “Have fun you two!”
When I got back, Thorax said, “That was really sweet of you.”
“Thanks.”
Thorax pulled me down to give me a nuzzle. When I straightened up, Thorax raised an eyebrow, and said, “Why do I get the feeling there was an ulterior motive?”
I folded my arms. “I don’t always have an ulterior motive,” I said with an evil grin.
“Sec!” Thorax groaned.
“Oh, look! Cucumber sandwiches!” Thorax trailed after me over to the table. “Having fun?” asked Twilight.
I nodded. “Yes, actually. I’m having an amazing time.”
Twilight raised her glass in a small toast. “I sincerely hope the two of you have along and happy life together!”
“Thank you!” I said. “I know it will be a happy one, and I hope it will be a long one, I’m not sure of the exact length. I think I’m stuck at being physically twenty-two forever,” I said with a laugh. “I hope I age mentally, I’d like to be a bit more mature a century from now.” I turned to Thorax. “I know Changelings can lead very long lives, and your becoming King could have really extended your lifespan. What do you think about it?”
Thorax nodded. “Well, Chrysalis is over 1,500 years old, so, we could be together a very long time, yes. I can’t see the future any more than you can, I don’t know if I’ll live as long as an alicorn. Besides, I’m only forty-six,” he finished with a smile.
Twilight spat out her drink. “YOU’RE WHAT ?!”
“Forty-six,” Thorax said in a puzzled tone.
Twilight looked at me with her mouth open. “You married somepony twice your age?!” she asked in shock.
“Calm down, Twilight! Changelings age at half the rate ponies do, it’s one of the reasons they live so long. In Changeling years, Thorax is twenty-three, so there’s,” I calculated quickly, “only a six month age difference, right?” Thorax nodded. “Spike never told you that?” I asked Twilight with surprise.
“I never told Spike,” Thorax muttered.
“Oh,” I said.
“I didn’t want him to think I was old,” Thorax said with a nervous grin.
“I … guess I can understand that,” Twilight said.
“When Changelings say I’m as mature as a twelve or thirteen year old, it’s actually more of an insult than it sounds,” I said with a grin.
“They’re warming up to you,” Thorax assured me.
“I know, I know.” Twilight excused herself. “So! Chrysalis is 1,500 years old?” I asked. Thorax nodded. A horrible thought struck me, and I accidentally froze the punch bowl, and blew out a lightbulb.
Thorax winced at my sudden change in emotion. “What?” he asked quickly.
I picked Thorax up to my eye level, and said, “Quick! Tell me now, in case I have to file for divorce in the morning. Is Chrysalis my mother-in-law now?!”
“SECUNDUS Q. JONES!” Thorax shouted.
I set him down. “Sorry about that, I’m just overreacting, as usual. … ‘Q. Jones?’” I snarked with a smirk.
“It just seemed to fit,” Thorax said with a smug grin. He then said, “Changelings don’t have last names. We might need one on occasion, for official. Do you have a last name?”
“Nope, it’s just Secundus!”
“Jones it is! I finally got my revenge for ‘Moosey!’” Thorax flew up, and triumphantly “Boop!”ed me.
I grabbed my snout. “One of these days, I will get to do that back to you,” I hissed lowly.
“I look forward to it,” Thorax said with a smirk.
I looked at my friends around the room. Spike and Rarity were busy dancing together, Rainbow Dash and her friend Soarin were doing what looked like the Robot in midair, Pinkie and Cheese looked like an orange and pink tornado, Applejack was dancing with somepony I recognized as Troubleshoes Clyde (there was a large clearing around them, along with some broken plates) Discord and Fluttershy were doing some impressive swing dancing, Starlight and Sunburst were slowly dancing together, and Twilight and Sombra were slowly waltzing, which is what the tempo of the song actually was . I laughed at the fact that nopony cared if they were dancing ‘correctly,’ as long as they were together, and having fun.
After the song ended, I walked over and said, “Hey, Twilight, thanks for the – Twilight? Twilight?! ” I waved a paw in front of her face, but she wasn’t moving. I looked around the room, and saw that nopony else was moving either. Even Discord was frozen. There was a faint, high-pitched ringing. “H-hello?” I called. “Anypony?”
“Hello,” said someone’s voices from behind me. I jumped, turned around, and saw … myself. The other me snickered. “That never gets old,” he said.
I quickly examined the other me. He looked almost exactly the same, but there were some small differences. His mane was slightly longer and more jagged than mine, and so was his half-beard. His fur was also slightly longer than mine, but not very noticeably. Around his neck hung a yin/yang pendant. He looked like me if I was about a year older than I currently was, and a bit of a hipster. I got the impression that it was a lot more than just one year.
I sighed. “I’d assume this is one of Discord’s jokes, but …” I raised an eyebrow. “Time travel?”
The other me nodded. “Eeyup.”
“Didn’t the Council explicitly say-”
“No weird time junk?” Future me finished. I nodded. “Well, I may have the same rugged good looks, but I’m a lot older at this point in my life,” he pointed at himself, “then at this point in my life,” he pointed around the room. “Besides, I get off probation really quickly,” he said with a grin.
I rubbed my head. “I know we’re both me, but I need some new pronouns.” Future me laughed. “So, what is so important that it causes me to meddle in my own timeline?”
Future me put a paw on his right heart, pretending to be affronted. “I’m not meddling! It’s my wedding day! I’m here to give myself a gift!”
“What, pray tell, would that be?”
“Advice I desperately needed,” Future me said.
“Fair enough,” I said with a smirk.
“First! Some advice for married life: Thorax is always right. Even when you have irrefutable scientific evidence to the contrary, he’s right.” I nodded.
Future me stared at Thorax’s frozen form for several minutes. I noticed I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring at that point in my life, and I knew that expression. “How long has it been since you – since I’ve seen him?”
Future me closed his eyes. “A while,” he said lowly.
“How did he-?”
“Do you really want me to tell you everything ?” the older me teased. I smiled, and shook my head. “Second bit of advice: don’t hate yourself. You’re a good person, you’ve got so much going for you even if you can’t always see it, and you always have people who care about you. Fight through the bad days. Yes, you’ve made mistakes, you’re going to make mistakes, trust me on that, I’m qualified to know,” Future me said with a laugh. “That doesn’t mean your mistakes define you. Just know you’re moving forward, however slowly it might seem at the time, and you’re worth it.
“Lastly, ‘Man is that he might have joy.’ You may not be human anymore, but it still applies. Try to just enjoy being alive, because, if you stop and think about it, there’s a lot more to enjoy than to hate or have to endure. There’s a lot more I could say, but I’ll just have to let myself discover it.” Future me then walked up to frozen Thorax, and gave him a quick hug. “Yes, I’m still clingy,” he said with a glare, sticking his tongue out.
Very faintly, as if it was on the other side of another room, that was also underwater, I thought I heard a voice call “Dad! Come on! Let’s go!”
Future me turned, and grinned at me. “Spoilers!” he said with a wink. He walked a few feet away. He then snickered, before clutching his stomach, and howling with laughter that was extra-hysterical, even for me.
“What?” I asked nervously. I knew what that laugh meant.
Future me looked at me with an evil grin, and a glint in his eye. “Try to enjoy the rest of your night,” he said mysteriously. He then disappeared in a burst of confetti.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I muttered.
I thought everypony was still frozen, until Tempus walked over to me. “You know, no matter how many times I tell you not to meddle like that, you never listen. It’s extremely annoying,” he said with a broad grin. I got the feeling he didn’t actually mind. Tempus snapped his fingers, and time started again.
“Thanks,” I said. “I guess I’ll always be a bit absent-minded.”
“Mmm, aren’t we all?” Tempus mused. “Though in your case, ‘scatter-brained’ is a much better adjective.” Before I could reply, Tempus grinned, and said, “Great shindig! Equestrians through a great party, even if you aren’t a party entity,” he finished slyly. Tempus then said, “I think I’ll just have some pudding.” I knew better than to tell him there wasn’t any, he’d make some if he wanted it. He wandered vaguely pudding-wards.
Thorax telekinetically dragged me over to him. “Dance with me!” he shouted. Whereas I was a horrible dancer, Thorax practically owned the floor, seeming like an Equestrian pop-star. Somehow, we balanced each other out. I “glitched” my vocals to the singing, to match with Thorax’s moves.
As the night wore on, I had a spectacular time, and was thankful for all the good and bad that had happened. At one point, I snapped the pile of gifts back to my Realm, for Thorax and I to go through later.
Finally, it was time to head out. “Thank you all so much for being here!” I shouted at everypony there. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, but we have to be going! It was a wonderful night, I couldn’t have asked for a better wedding night!”
I walked Thorax over to a waiting hot air balloon. I then remembered something, and held up a bouquet. I tossed it over my shoulder. “MINE!” called Rarity as she sprang for it. It veered off at the last second, before exploding. A hybrid purple, white, and green rose fell in front of Spike and Rarity, a yellow rose fell in front of Discord and Fluttershy, a sky-blue rose fell by Rainbow Dash and Soarin, a chocolate rose fell by Pinkie and Cheese, a peach rose fell by Applejack and Troubleshoes, and a blood-red rose fell by Twilight and Sombra.
“What was that for?” whispered Thorax.
“What makes you think I had anything to do with it?” I asked innocently. Thorax gave me a Look. “Look, I just needed to do it, even I can’t wait forever for the rest of them to get ball rolling!”
“You’re incorrigible,” said Thorax with a grin.
“Yet somehow, Dear Reader, he married me,” I teased back.
We got into the hot air balloon, I put on a pair of goggles, and pawed a pair to Thorax. I then pulled a big red lever. Nothing happened. Thorax recognized the gleam in my eye. “Sec? What are you doing?” he asked slowly.
*VROOOOOOOSHH!* “GEEEERRRRROOONNNNNIMMMMOO!” I shouted as the hot air balloon took off like a rocket.
“SEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCC!” screamed Thorax.
After a high-speed trip across Equestrian airspace, the bottom dropped out of the basket.
“Wuaaggh!” screamed Thorax, his legs flailing wildly.
He dropped into my arms. I pulled out one of his wings, and gave him a tired smile. “Seriously ? You. Can. Fly. Why did you need me to save you?”
“I didn’t know we’d be flying. Don’t do that again!” Thorax said, trying to get his heartrate under control.
I looked up, and made the hot air balloon disappear. “In that case, one slow trip to the ground coming up. I wouldn’t have let you fall, you know. Let me take a page out of Fraulein Poppins’ book.” I held up an umbrella, and we slowly drifted to the ground.
“Thank you, ” Thorax said with relief. He looked around. “Oh, wow! Mareis is beautiful!”
“It most definitely is,” I agreed. “I think our hotel is … this way?”
Thorax smirked. “I am not trusting you with the directions.” He held out a hoof. “Map, please!” I conjured up a map. “So, what’s the name of the hotel?”
“The Winded Feather .”
“Isn’t that the best hotel in Mareis?” Thorax squeaked.
I nodded. “You’re royalty, and if I want, I can conjure up the G.D.P. of an entire planet .” I waved a finger under his nose. “Don’t question my need to spoil you! So, which way?”
Thorax smiled, and pointed in the opposite of the direction I’d pointed. “This way. Come on, you goof.” I followed him in the direction he’d picked, which was, thankfully, correct. Thorax let out a low whistle at the lavishness of the hotel.
“Don’t worry, you’re worth it,” I said. I walked up to the check-in desk, automatically slipping into Prench. Being a Spirit had its perks sometimes. “Good evening. I wrote several weeks ago to make a reservation. It’s under the name ‘Secundus.’ ”
The mare behind the counter looked through her registry. “Ah, yes, of course. ” She hoofed us over some keys. “You’re in the Honeymoon Suite, room 1010. Enjoy your stay with us! ”
“Thank you, I’m sure we will. ”
As we headed for the elevator, Thorax smirked, and said, “So, could you speak Prench to me ?”
I laughed. “Only if it’s your native language, sorry. I don’t exactly control it, it just automatically happens.” Thorax looked disappointed. “I can however, learn it quickly.”
When we got into the room, I sat down on the bed, undid my bowtie, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt. Thorax sat at the head of the bed. Thorax started running a hoof through my mane, and I started to purr like a cat, before clapping my paws over my mouth. “Oh, good grief.” I said, turning beet red.
“I am definitely saving that one for future reference,” said Thorax with an evil grin. He then gave me a visual once-over. “You look exhausted!” he chuckled.
I nodded. “I’ve never partied that hard before. In either life. I’m tired, yes. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I hope you’re not too tired,” Thorax said with a smirk.
Not thinking all the way, I replied, “Why, what did you want to – OH. ” I said, my eyes growing wide.
Thorax nodded, with a cheery, evil grin. “It is our wedding night, I believe it’s tradition…”
A familiar voice popped into my head, Try to enjoy the rest of your night… I actually snickered at that.
Thorax’s eyelids narrowed. “Did you forget I’m empathic? I know how you feel about me, you can’t still think it’s wei-”
I cut him off by grabbing him by the bowtie, and kissing him. “Did I say ‘no,’ you dumb bug? I don’t recall saying ‘no.’” Thorax smirked. I clicked my fingers, turning out all the lights in the room. Ten seconds later, I asked, “So, does this mean I can take that creepy Batmane poster out of our room? I hate the way it looks at me when you’re asleep.”
“SECUNDUS!” roared Thorax.
“Just sayin’.” I muttered.
The End.
Author's Note
*Sigh! Secundus, one of these days our mouth is going to get you into more trouble than even you can worm your way out of.
So! That's that! A huge thank you to all of those of you who've stuck it out 'till the very end!BAMF!
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Chapter One: In Which I Lose My Species, My Universe, and My Pants
Chapter One:
In Which I Lose My Species, My Universe, and My Pants.
John’s P.O.V.
I dreamt of fire, and shadow. I also dreamt of rainbow-colored apples dancing up some stairs that were made of jellybeans, singing “La Cucaracha.” I dreamt of pain, and of giddiness, and of sunshine, and of chaos. I don’t know how long I dreamt, and I didn’t know who or what I was for a time after I woke up.
Third-person P.O.V.
Fluttershy was walking through the woods behind her cottage, gathering plants for food and medicine. It was a typical, beautiful morning in Ponyville, her bird friends sang greetings to the morning, and the sun. It’s so beautiful! she thought, a small smile on her face. She hummed a few notes under her breath. With nopony around to hear her, she even began to sing.
Morning in Ponyville shimmers
Morning in Ponyville shines
With the birds, I will sing
And my song, it will ring
For I know for certain, everything is fine!
This last line had several notes held, and her clear voice rang through the trees. She scanned the trees, nopony in sight. She breathed out a sigh of relief. Even with her friends knowing of her singing, she wasn’t comfortable with an audience. But, she was taking baby steps.
She was following a trail of daisies, when she heard what sounded like a growl, mixed with a bark, mixed with a groan, mixed with a whine. She let out a squeak of terror, whatever it was had been loud. She then unhooked herself from the tree limb she hadn’t realized she had flown up to and hooked onto with her forelimbs. She took several shuddering breaths. “OK, Fluttershy, calm down. It sounds like an animal, a hurt animal. A big, scary, hurt animal. It must need help. O- Okay.” She steeled her nerves, swallowing thickly. She then set off in the direction of the noise, trying to stop her teeth chattering.
She came to a clearing. It looked as though a meteor had hit, there was a large crater, and several of the trees were singed. A meteor hadn’t hit, so there was no telling what had caused the impact. But what took her breath away was what was lying in the crater.
It was long, and serpentine, and covered in a thick coat of yellow and grey fur on most of its body. “Oh. My.” Fluttershy breathed, “a Draconequus!” But that wasn’t possible! Her fear gone, Fluttershy (carefully) rushed down the side of the shallow crater. She circled around the Draconequus, he seemed to be asleep, but had been yelling a moment ago. The fur on his neck was long, and a yellow almost the same shade as hers. The fur from his neck down to his legs was a slate grey. At the base of his spine, instead of an oversized snake’s tail, he had two normal sized tails, a kangaroo’s tail on the right, and a cheetah’s tail on the left.
His left hindleg was that of a lion, his right hindleg was a gazelle’s leg. His right arm was a four-fingered panda bear’s arm and paw, his left was a four-fingered brown bear’s arm and paw. He didn’t have wings of any sort. The fur on his long, serpentine body was a slate grey. His head was shaped like a pony’s, instead of a goat’s, the way Discord’s head was. It was the same shade of yellow his neck, but upon another circle around him, Fluttershy saw that the right half was a pale blue, the two colors meeting in a wave in the middle of his face.
He had very large ears, they looked like a bat’s not a pony’s. The ears were the opposite color to the sides of his face, yellow on the right, blue on the left. Instead of two horns, he had one, a long, jutting spire that was completely smooth, it was shaped like a changeling’s horn, minus the holes. She shivered at some the memories that changelings brought, even if they were all mostly reformed now. He had a bushy white eyebrow on his right side, and a thin black eyebrow on his left side. His short, cropped mane was shaped like Discord’s, and had a zebra pattern of repeating black and white stripes. He had a long white goatee, but it only existed on the right side of his face, it just split in half and vanished on the left, as if someone had cleanly cut it in half.
He didn’t have any fangs, but, his mouth wasn’t open, so Fluttershy couldn’t be sure. She couldn’t tell what color his eyes were, they were closed, he was breathing heavily. Fluttershy saw that he was clutching his chest, and his panda’s paw was covered in a bright blue liquid, she quickly worked out that he was bleeding, but somehow asleep.
Worried that he was hurt, Fluttershy did the only thing she could do, she woke him. She quietly trotted over to him, and gently booped him on the nose. She let out a scream when he opened his eyes. His eyes were even stranger than Discord’s. His eyes were pitch black, with no visible difference between the pupil and the sclerae. The only thing that marked a difference between the two was his blue irises, which were glowing. The Draconequus covered his ears at her shriek of terror, and let out a loud growl.
“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! Are you hurt, do you need help?” Fluttershy asked all of this in her normal tone. The Draconequus gave no reply, it simply tilted its head, like a dog’s. Its eyes seemed to be searching for something, there was intelligence in them, but it wasn’t acting like it was more than an animal. “Err… are you OK?” Fluttershy squeaked. She reached a hoof towards a deep gash in his chest, that was covered in the dried remains of the Draconequus’s blue blood. The Draconequus’s lips curled back in a snarl, its teeth were odd too, flat and deer-like on the right, sharp fangs on the left. It let out a loud, long growl. The growl sounded like when Queen Chrysalis spoke, two voices in not-quite unison. Fluttershy withdrew the offending hoof, the Draconequus stopped growling.
“I’m going to go get you help!” Fluttershy said in a surprisingly commanding tone, the Draconequus gave no response, it just watched her gallop away, then curled back on itself, and went back to sleep.
When Fluttershy reached Twilight’s Castle, she was out of breath. When Twilight saw her, Fluttershy panted out, “Twilight … Draconequus … woods … hurt … get unicorns …. Help move…” She nearly collapsed.
Twilight hauled Fluttershy to her hooves, and got her a glass of water via telekinesis. As Fluttershy drank, Twilight said, “Fluttershy, I know the two of you are friends, but I think Discord has enough sense to take care of himself .”
Fluttershy shook her head, and squeaked, “No, Twilight! It’s a new Draconequus! I’ve never seen him before! He’s hurt, and I need magical help to move him.”
Twilight didn’t hear this last sentence. Her coat lightened by several shades as the blood drained from her face. Her left ear twitched twice. Her pupils shrank. She gave Fluttershy one of her slightly-crazed smiles. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy, I must have heard wrong. It’s the funniest thing! I could have sworn I heard you say that there’s a new Draconequus in the woods, but that’s - ”
“No, Twilight! That is what I said! He’s - ” Fluttershy never got to finish.
Twilight went from panic attack to Warrior Princess with a 3.26 second turn-around time. Her horn began to spark dangerously, and she began to paw the ground with her front hoof, snorting angrily. “SPPIIIKKEEE!” Her Number One Assistant dutifully appeared, a worried look on his face at the intense volume.
“Err, you OK, Twilight? You seem a little tense,” Spike understated.
“Never mind that!” Twilight snapped. “Send an urgent memo to the Princesses, tell them that there’s a new Draconequus in the woods near Ponyville. Tell them to send reinforcements at once! We don’t know what kind of threat we’re dealing with!”
“TWILIGHT!!” Fluttershy screamed angrily. That got Twilight to stop panicking. Fluttershy was breathing heavily, the last time she had been this visibly upset, she had been taking Iron Will’s classes. “He’s NOT a threat!” Fluttershy snapped in a way that was entirely out of character. “I don’t even know if he’s sentient! He’s hurt, I think badly, he was covered in blood. I only came here to ask for your help. I can’t move him on my own, and I don’t think he should be moved in his state. I need some unicorns to work up a teleportation spell, that’s all. Now will you help me?” The last statement was asked pleadingly.
Twilight calmed down, and nodded. She turned to Spike. “OK, send a memo, but just inform them that we found a new Draconequus, nothing else. Tell them I’ll fill them in as more details are available.” Spike nodded. Fluttershy and Twilight dashed off into the woods. Spike sent the letter, and then crawled into his basket, and made a cocoon out of the blankets. He hopped to wake up from this nightmare soon.
Twilight and Fluttershy pulled Rarity away from the middle of filling an order, but this was an emergency, potentially of the highest order. Twilight assured Fluttershy that she and Rarity could manage the teleportation between them, assuming nothing went wrong.
They came to the clearing. The Draconequus opened his eyes, and gazed at them. A small whine escaped him, and he tried to back-peddle away from them, but didn’t actually go anywhere. Instead, he ended up slumping down. Twilight walked over, and extended a hoof in greeting. “Hello, I am Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.” The Draconequus made a few clicking sounds in the back of his throat. “Err, are you trying to talk?” No response.
“Oh, my,” Rarity said, noticing the gash on the Draconequus’s chest, “That does look rather bad.” She reached out towards it. The Draconequus’s jaws snapped down on where her hoof had been a moment ago. “Oh! You beast !” she screamed.
“Yeah, I don’t think anypony’s home.” said Twilight. Her horn began to glow. “OK, Rarity, plan forty-seven-pi-alpha! Ready?” Rarity gulped, and nodded. The Draconequus looked at their glowing horns in interest. Both horns shot a beam of light at him, he ducked, but too late. A moment later, his head hit the floor, and loud snoring filled the clearing. Twilight beamed. “Wow! That went even better than I thought!” The two unicorns fired up an advanced teleportation spell. Eight flashes of light later, Fluttershy, Twilight, Rarity, and the Draconequus were back in Twilight’s castle.
Rarity leaned over conspiratorially. “Err, not to question your judgement, Twilight, but why exactly is the rabid Draconequus tucked into a bed in one of the spare bedrooms?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I’m the Princess of Friendship Rarity. The Castle didn’t exactly come with dungeons,” she deadpanned. Rarity nodded. “Besides,” Twilight continued, “looking at him now, I don’t even know if he is a threat. Even non-sentient magical animals can instinctually use their magic. He didn’t, I don’t know if he even can use magic. I think Spike and I can keep him from biting ponies for now. I just wish I knew what to do with him.”
“Well, I’m going to get something to dress that wound. I think the reason he kept trying to bite us is it’s a bad wound. It might be infected, though with that color blood, I don’t know. Be back in a while girls, keep him safe!” With those words, Fluttershy trotted out. When she returned, the Draconequus was still asleep, and she was able to treat his wound with some herbs, and dress it with a bandage. The Draconequus let out a rattling hiss, but otherwise didn’t wake up. The girls checked on him throughout the afternoon, but even Spike didn’t sleep that heavily.
Around dinnertime, Twilight walked into the room. She was carrying a glass of chocolate milk, on the assumption the Draconequus would like it. Twilight found him sitting up in bed, watching the door. He wasn’t moving, and didn’t seem to be wanting to leave or hurt anypony. The bandage on his chest was sliced open, but his wound had disappeared within three hours, which was a very speedy healing rate. Twilight smiled at him. “Oh, good! You’re awake! How are you feeling?” The Draconequus simply made more clicking noises in the back of his throat. Twilight laughed nervously. “I don’t know why I’m even talking to you, you can’t understand me. I might as well be talking to a Timberwolf.” She levitated the glass over to him, a brittle smile on her face. “Anyways! I brought you some chocolate milk, Celestia know Discord certainly likes it. Here.” The Draconequus’s eyes lit up (as best as the inky color could light up) and he smiled broadly. At least, Twilight hoped it was a smile, his needle-like teeth made her nervous, and the difference between the two types of teeth just made it stranger. The Draconequus regarded the glass, as if trying to work out what it was. He couldn’t seem to. Twilight drew the glass back, and he whined pitifully. Twilight then spotted a bowl on a side table, and poured the milk into it. She then passed the bowl to the Draconequus. He grasped it with his paws, and started lapping it up with a long, forked tongue. Twilight sighed. “It’s funny,” she said, more to herself than anypony, “I could swear you’re every bit as intelligent as a pony. But you act more like an animal. At times, it’s almost like you can understand what I’m saying, but it’s like you’re not all there.” She eyed the Draconequus, who was busy licking milk out of his fur and goatee. Twilight sighed again, not sure why she was bothering. “Maybe you’ve got the Draconequus form of amnesia. Who knows. Well, I’m glad you’re doing better, and that you’re not trying to bite my leg off. See you tomorrow.” She turned out the lights, and shut the door. The Draconequus curled into a short spiral under the sheets, and once again drifted off.
John’s P.O.V.
The first thing I noticed was that the room had a slight chill to it, which was unheard of for the middle of summer. I pulled the sheets a little tighter over me. The second thing I noticed was an entire choir of birds outside my window, greeting the morning brightly. I was awake, but hadn’t opened my eyes yet, hoping to drift back off. I grumbled, and pulled the pillow over my head. The third thing I noticed was the most significant: my body felt entirely wrong, in every possible way. It felt like I had 3 extra limbs, and, judging by the position of my head relative to my feet, and the curve of my spine, I was in a position that was physically impossible, even if you were a cat. At the point I felt fur , my eyes snapped open, and I sat stark upright in bed.
“YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!” My scream echoed off of the blue crystal walls. The. Blue. Crystal. Walls. I was in a bed, in a room, that looked like – oh, no. This was not happening. Twilight Sparkle galloping into the room confirmed my hypothesis, I had been sucked into my favorite kids show. This was not happening. She fired her horn up, looking at me like I was going to attack her. I held my arms up. “Wait! Stop! Truce!” I shouted. My voice sounded weird . Like two different people were trying to use my mouth at the same time, and couldn’t quite line up. “Why do I sound like that?!” I then looked down at my noodley glory. “EEEAAAGGH!” I leapt out of the bed, unable to believe what I was seeing.
Twilight’s jaw almost hit the floor in a very cartoonish way. “You – you -y- you can talk?!!” She seemed as surprised at me as I was at her.
I ignored the question. I was busy looking over my body. I started talking to myself, just to see if I was dreaming. “Ok. I’m in Equestria, I have a long, snaky body that’s made of mix-and-match critters, I’ve got a freaky voice … I’M A DRACONEQUUS?!!” I started stroking my half-goatee. It was much cooler than the one I was used to, even if it did look like a shaving accident. “Actually, I’ve always theorized that that’s the Equestrian being I would end up as. That or a changeling.” For being convinced I was really in a padded cell, I actually sounded quite calm as I thought this out, even if I didn’t feel it.
Twilight walked over to me cautiously. “Why didn’t you talk yesterday? And how could you not know you’re a Draconequus? That’s crazy!”
“Says the magical, talking horse,” I muttered. Then I actually heard what she’d said. I whirled around. “What do you mean,” my voice became an imitation of Twilight’s without my realizing it, “‘Why didn’t I talk yesterday?’” My voice returned to its normal double self, “I wasn’t here yesterday!”
Twilight took a couple of steps back. “Uhh... would you excuse me?” I nodded. In a streak of dust, she was gone. I started pacing my room. For being sucked into a kid’s cartoon show, the room looked very realistic. So did I, although my proportions were very cartoonish. How was any of this even happening?!
Twilight returned, followed by Fluttershy, Rarity, and Starlight Glimmer. I had curled in on myself on the floor, and was rocking back and forth. “You OK?” asked Twilight.
“HeheheHAAHOOEHAHAA … I’m a pony!” I said, accidentally bearing my fangs in a smile crazed enough to rival some of Twilight's. I started giggling. “No, Precious, we’re not a pony, I’m a Draconequus!! If I’m not insane, this is either cool or terrifying! Who else wants doughnuts?!!” My voice was overlapping even more than normal.
Twilight and the girls exchanged concerned looks. Then, sinister chuckling filled the room, and a familiar voice called out, “Oh, he’s not doing at all well, is he? My, my, we might have another me on our hands!” In a flash of light, the Lord of Bedlam, Purveyor of Disharmony, and Spirit of Chaos stood before us. He was dressed in a tweed suit and bowtie, had a long white beard and moustache, and was wearing thick spectacles. He was also smoking a cigar, though bubbles came out instead of smoke. I was lying on a couch, my arms crossed comfortably over my chest. “Now, zhen,” Discord said in a ridiculous accent, “Vhat zeems to be zer probvlem, young man?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, you know, got pulled into an alternate dimension, turned into a completely different species, failed my Statistics final. Is that about normal here?”
Discord gave me a critical look, first with his eyes, then a magnifying glass, then a microscope, then an x-ray machine. He stroked his goatee. “Hmmm. … Tell me if this looks familiar.”
A television then appeared in front of me. Only, it was a box made to look like a television. Discord was driving toy cars around in the window in front of carboard skyscrapers, making “Vroom! Vroom! EEeeep!” noises, followed by “Today’s stocks to follow on the six o’clock news!”
I nodded. “Eeeyup. That’s more what I’m used to, I didn’t care much for stocks though.”
Discord then threw the fake TV and toy cares away, laughing so hard he started to cry grape soda. He wiped the sticky tears away, they disappeared instead of sticking to the carpet. “Oh, this is just too rich! We’ve got a human on our hooves! Girls, this is one of the Creators! Tell me sir, are you a brony?”
“Err… yes? I didn’t actually want to be a pony!” My tails were twitching, I guess from nerves.
Twilight was giving Discord and I a laser-like look. “What are you two talking about?”
Discord put an arm around her. “Oh, nothing to worry your brilliant mind about, Princess ,” he said condescendingly.
“If you’re attached to your sanity that is,” I added. “There are Things Ponykind Was Not Meant to Know,” I said, accidentally enunciating capital letters. A thought crossed my mind. “Actually, Pinkie Pie might be able to explain it to you. At least, better than I could.” Twilight gave me a disbelieving look. “I don’t really know. She’s Pinkie.”
Discord looked at me, and said, “Mon ami, I really think we should continue this discussion in private.” He snapped his eagle talons.
The smell of chartreuse hit my nose, as my eyes tasted freshly baked brownies, I heard the sound of silence, and tasted an acapella rock song. The entire world was made of moving swirls of color and sound, and strings connected everything in creation together. I thoughtspoke, “Prreeeettyyy” to a passing abstraction, although I sounded drunk. I probably was. Then the world coalesced back into a physical location, although the laws of physics were optional. We were in Discord’s home in Chaosville. I looked around at the random and drifting objects, and found an upside-down rocking chair I sat up in.
Discord steepled his fingers, and gave me a wide grin. With his sharp teeth and jutting fang, it was not reassuring, nor was it meant to be. “So,” he said in slightly frigid tones, “as amusing as it would be for me, I really don’t think you should tell the citizens of Equestria about a certain televised program. I’m in favor of chaos, not mass insanity.” He brightened up. “Though, it would be hysterical to see Twilight try to – oh, never mind.” He crossed his arms and huffed, a frown on his face. “I’m ‘reformed’ now!” Discord said in brittle, sarcastic tones. He rolled his eyes. “Honestly, if these ponies had even a tenth of an idea – Oh, I’ll tell you that later. Do we have a deal?”
I stared at him. “A ‘deal’ would imply that I get something out of this as well. It seems like I can’t say a word about who or what I am, or where I’m from.” Discord opened his mouth, I held up a paw. “I AGREE with you, all right?! I’m just saying I’m not good at creative lying. Or, lying in general. Ever, actually. Gods, why is my voice so funny?!!” I could have handled being a bass and a tenor at the same time if it had actually been in unison. The slight lapse between “speakers” was irritating at best. I would finish a word after I started another. Plus, I couldn’t tell how I was saying the words, it just seemed like I was saying them, but my voice was split in half. It must be magic or something.
Discord smirked. “Yes, it is magic ‘or something’ actually. And you shouldn’t take the gods’ names in vain, they get tetchy when you do that.”
“Get out of my head. ” That snarl sounded even weirder than my voice, it was a mix between a hiss and a growl.
Discord’s grin widened, a little more than it should have physically been able too. The Spirit could be creepy as all-get-out when he wanted to. “Sorry, I can’t actually help it, I’ll try to be better. You’ll think of some way to tell everypony where you’re from, and besides, it isn’t a cartoon here.” I nodded. “Wonderful!” Another snap, and we hopped dimensions back to the room we’d left.
“Sorry everypony, my friend and I had an issue to work out,” Discord sing-songed.
Twilight stared at me. “He didn’t threaten you?”
I shook my head. “No, he just made a good point that I agree with is all. Nothing to worry about.”
At that point, Spike walked into the room. Without realizing it, I dropped down to all fours. “Hey everypony! What’s going on?” Spike asked. I sprang across the room to him, my teeth snapping down on where he’d been a second ago. “WHOA! WHOA! EASY!!” Spike shouted.
I shook my head hard. “What happened?” I asked softly.
“You attacked Spike!” Twilight shouted. “What were you thinking?!
“I … wasn’t. It was like instinct or something.” I hauled Spike to his feet. “I am so sorry! I don’t know why I did that!” I sniffed, and let out one of my hissing growls. “Oh. It’s your scent. I don’t know why, but it makes me really angry. I’ll adapt, I promise. In the meantime, maybe I should stay on the opposite side of the room.” I stalked over, still on all fours, before I realized it, and stood up, feeling stupid.
“Riiight…” said Spike. “What’s your name?”
“It’s KKkkkccckkkxxxx ….” My throat seized up.
Starlight turned to Discord. “Is that Draconequine or something?” He shook his head.
“No, I just …” I was at a loss for words. “I can’t remember my name!! Why can’t I remember my name?!” I then felt a draft, and looked down at myself. “YE GODS, I’M NAKED!”
Discord and Twilight facepawed and facehoofed at the same time. “Yes, you’re naked. It’s normal for ponies, clothes are very expensive,” Twilight lectured like I was a kid. “You’ll have to get used to it, we don’t have clothes to fit you.” I still looked for something to cover myself with. “You really can’t remember your name?”
I nodded. “I can remember everything else, just not my name.”
Discord said, “There’s a perfectly natural, and expected explanation for that.” The whole roomed turned to look at him. He sighed, and a blackboard popped into existence. “OK, Draconequi 101. Every Draconequus is a Spirit of some fundamental concept. Chaos, order, life, death, time, all that jazz.”
I raised a paw like I was in school. “So, you’re anthropomorphic personifications?”
“Equipomorphic personifications,” Twilight corrected.
Discord shook his head. “No, we’re not equipomorphic personifications, some of us aren’t even equipomorphic. We don’t embody the concept, we’re simply its messenger. Its caretaker if you will. It is the job of a Draconequus to spread their given concept throughout the universe. Well, a bit more than the universe actually. I’m not chaos personified, I’m simply the Spirit of chaos and disharmony, and it’s my given task to spread and maintain chaos in all its forms. Is that at all clear?”
“I think so?” I said quizzically.
“The reason you can’t remember your previous name is that that life is over. You can’t ever go back to it. The gods brought you here for a reason, presumably they thought you could be useful. The reason you can’t remember a name now is because you haven’t found the concept you’re the Spirit of. A Draconequus’s name is our version of a cutie mark. Discord, chaos, you see? Once you’ve found your calling, you’ll also find your name.”
“Well, what do I call myself until then?!”
Discord sighed. “Usually, a Draconequus finds their name within a few days of coming into being. You’re a Draconequus from this point on, but you weren’t born one, so it could take a while. Until then, just call yourself Draco or something, it’s sort of accurate, since it’s your species, and it’s not taken. If everypony will excuse me, I have to meet with everyDraconequus to figure this whole thing out.”
“There are other Draconequi?” Twilight asked with interest.
Discord sighed again. “Yes, but it’s a big multiverse, so we don’t always meet or coexist on the same world. I’ve had Equestria to myself for eons. Besides, each of us has a personal realm we live in, such as Chaosville. I’ll go into that lesson in another chapter.” When he said that, a brick wall popped into existence in my peripheral vision, when I tried to get a good look at it, it disappeared. “Later!” Discord called, vanishing in a puff of smoke.
Starlight looked at me with interest. “What did Discord mean, you weren’t born a Draconequus?”
I sighed. “I’m - I was an alien from an alternate universe, one without magic. Woke up this morning, and found myself here, and a completely different species. If the gods thought I ‘could be useful’ the gods must be crazy. I’ll tell you all about my sorry past some other time, it’s not that important, and I don’t particularly like my past species. I’m not proud of some of the things we did.” I had woken up in the early morning, and all of these events had taken slightly over an hour. “If it’s all right with everypony, this is a lot to process, and I’d like to be alone for a while.”
Twilight nodded. “Of course. Take all the time you need, I can ask questions later. I’m glad you’re doing better than yesterday.”
As everypony followed her out the door, I called, “What about yesterday?” but didn’t get a response. I looked around the room, it was very cozy. I got into bed. I couldn’t get comfortable, so I just curled up like a cat. I was pretty sure I still had bones or a spine, but my body sure didn’t act like it, given my current flexibility. I just laid there and thought for the whole day, into the late evening. I never got very hungry, and wasn’t in the mood to eat anything anyways, so I didn’t go down for dinner. As it got late into the night, I still didn’t feel tired, I was pretty wired for some reason. I just closed my eyes, and tried to get to sleep.
At 1:35 in the morning, my eyes snapped open. I had surprisingly good night vision. I still felt like a jolt of electricity was shooting through me. I sniffed, once, then twice. My lips parted in a grin, and I chuckled darkly. I smelled prey nearby. It was foolishly unguarded. I hungered for it. Soon I would rip them open, and feast upon their innards. The hunger overwhelmed me.
I slunk of out bed, and crept towards the door on all fours, I was almost entirely silent. I opened the door, and crept softly downstairs. I kept sniffing, to determine where exactly my prey was. I came to a closed door; the smell was overpowering. I softly pushed the door open, my teeth flashing in the dark. The hunt began.
Fifteen minutes later, Spike opened the door to the room I was in, apparently, I’d woken him. He stopped in his tracks, and his jaw dropped as he surveyed the carnage.
“Uh, you know Twilight’s going to want you to put all those books back, right?”
“Want stories. ” I hissed.
Spike backed out the door. “Ok! OK! You’re the one who’s putting them back, not me! See you tomorrow, err … today. ‘Night Draco!” He was then gone.
It was the middle of the night, and I still felt like I’d had an I.V. full of caffeine. I sighed, and pulled another book towards me. I walked around, and found a blank scroll, and a quill and inkwell. Might as well take notes. It looked like it was going to be a really long night.
Author's Note
So, my first chapter of my first-ever story. It still feels rough around the edges, even to me. Any editing comments would be appreciated.
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Chapter Three: In Which There is a Song, a Party, and a Lot of Algebra
Chapter Three
In Which There is a Song, a Party, and a Lot of Algebra
The next morning, Spike walked into the library. “Morning Draco!”
“Morning Spike,” I said without looking around.
“Did you sleep well?”
I snorted. “I haven’t slept in three days. I did sleep for an entire day when I first got here, apparently, but I haven’t slept since. I haven’t even been tired. I don’t know what the deal with that is.”
“Maybe you don’t need sleep. You are a Draconequus. Discord’s always hyper,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Hmm. That would do it. I’m kind of sad, I really enjoyed sleeping. I guess I just slept that whole day because I was injured. I’m also never really hungry. If I can’t eat, I’ll be heartbroken.”
“Well, just because you don’t need sleep or food doesn’t mean you can’t have them,” Spike said optimistically.
I sighed. “Try telling that to my brain at four in the morning.”
“Just wondering, why are you sticking your head out the window?”
“I’m watching this morning’s weather team.”
“Why?”
“Where I come from, things like the weather and the seasons just happen by themselves, without any help from anyone. Seeing that it’s all made by ponies, and kind of under their control is really interesting, I’ve never heard of anything like that.”
Spike’s eyes grew wide. “You didn’t control the weather?! So it was like the Everfree Forest all the time ?”
I chuckled. “Something like that, yes.”
Spike shuddered. “Weird,” he muttered. He then said, “I’m going to go make breakfast, try eating it! It’s pancakes!” he said in a sing-song.
I chuckled. “Sounds good, thanks. Sometimes I don’t think Twilight appreciates you enough. I’ll be down in a minute.” Spike nodded, and headed down for the kitchen.
I heard hoofsteps behind me. “Morning!” called Twilight, “Sleep well?”
I rolled my eyes. “The next person who asks me that is going to get it. How are you? You were up late last night.”
Twilight beamed. “I am great! I spent most of the evening after the dinner preparing a curriculum.” She clapped her hooves together with a bright smile. “I’m so excited! I get to teach a new student, and I get to learn about Draconequui!”
“If you want to know more about that, I suggest you ask Discord, though he’s not exactly known for straight answers.”
Twilight nodded. “I’m sorry about last night. Did Shining really tell you we were all deciding on a sentence for you?” I nodded. Twilight rolled her eyes, and muttered something unintelligible. She then smiled at me. “So! For your first official friendship lesson, I thought that you could help Spike make breakfast! I think he’d like the help and the company. Er, you can cook, right?”
I smiled. “Yes, I can cook. I’ll get right on that, thanks for the assignment. You don’t waste any time, do you?”
Twilight shook her head with a smile. “Nope!” I swear, she skipped out of the room, humming a cheery tune.
I headed down for the kitchen. “Hey, Spike!” I sniffed. “Smells great, what is it?”
Spike was stirring a big bowl. “Banana-oat pancakes. Watch out, I think I missed a few peels.”
“I’ll keep an eye ou – WHOA!” THUD! I had, naturally, slipped on a peel, and hit my head hard on the wall.
Spike rushed over. “Are you ok?! How many claws am I holding up?”
I tried to focus. “Six?” I croaked. Spike shook his head. He then dashed off. I tried to clear the stars out of my eyes, to no avail.
Twilight rushed into the room. “Are you alright? Spike told me what happened.”
I waved a paw. “I’m fine, I just didn’t watch where I was going.” I rubbed the back of my head. “Ouch!” I yelped. Twilight grabbed my head.
“That’s a nasty bump, I’m taking you to the doctor. Spike, keep an eye on things!” She then helped me to my paw and hoof. I stumbled out of the castle, trying not to squish her.
“I’ve never been out of the castle, I wish it was for a different reason.” I stopped dead in my tracks. The street was full of colorful ponies, all staring at me, with their mouths open. I made out parts of conversations.
“Is that -”
“Do you see? With Princess Twilight?”
“Not another one!”
“The horror! The horror!”
“EVERYPONY RUN!!!” screamed a mare near the front of the crowd. In a streak of dust, the street was empty.
“Huh. You ponies sure are fast when you want to be.” I started walking, thankfully I didn’t need to lean on Twilight anymore. “Hey, Twilight? Do I count as a monster?”
Twilight looked at me with concern. “Of course not! What makes you think that?”
I shrugged. “Just a thought. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from ‘The Friendliest Town in Equestria.’ Just because I can talk and walk upright doesn’t mean I’m exactly friendly. That reaction still hurt.”
Something tapped my leg. “Muffin?” asked a voice. I looked down, and saw a familiar face, even though we’d never met before.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the cranberry muffin, and practically inhaling it. “If you don’t mind me asking, I’m not sure what your name is.”
She smiled. “It’s Derpy Ditzella Whooves. Some ponies mix it up, and call me Ditzy, or Ditzy Doo. I hope you feel better!” She grabbed her mailbag, and flew off.
“Thanks!” I shouted after her, giving a wave.
Twilight walked me to a doctor’s office, I went in, and walked up to the front desk. I smiled, but the nurse behind the counter just got more nervous. She was a bright orange unicorn mare, with a dark blue mane, and a stethoscope cutie mark. “Hello, I’d like to see a doctor about hitting my head,” I said in as friendly a tone as I could manage.
She nodded. “S-sure. I just need you to fill out some paperwork.” She levitated a clipboard over to me. I sat down, and filled out the forms as best I could.
When I was done, I was shown into an exam room. “The doctor will be right with you!” the nurse called. She then left the room, looking relieved.
The doctor was a light brown stallion with a mop of curly hair. He was looking at the clipboard with my information. “So, Mr. Draco, what seems to be the prob – SWEET SUFFERING SUCCOTASH!” he screamed when he looked up.
I grinned, and gave a little wave. “Hi! If I promise not to bite you, can I have a lollipop?”
The doctor nodded nervously. He started shoveling lollipops out of a jar on the counter. “S-sure! Take as many as you want!”
Twilight froze his hoof magically. She gave me a glare. “I’m certain Draco won’t actually bite you, right Draco ?”
I crossed my arms and huffed. “I can’t even make fun of myself anymore.” Twilight facehoofed.
The doctor was peering nervously at me. “Well, part of the problem might be … the patient’s a Draconequus!”
I gave a rattling growl. “One more pony reacts in a speciest way to me, I’ll snap. I didn’t exactly ask for this.” The doctor took several steps back.
“I – I don’t really know how to examine you,” he said, sounding apologetic. “We don’t exactly get many spirits in here.”
I gestured at myself. “Luckily for you, I’m not a spirit quite yet. I’m more matter than magic. I’ve got internal organs, and I’m physically in front of you. I just need a tune-up, and my head examined.” I snickered. “In more than one meaning of the phrase.”
The doctor gave me the once-over. He placed his stethoscope as high on my chest as he could reach. “Breathe.” I did. He repeated this. “Well, your hearts sound fine.”
I smirked. “You don’t exactly sound surprised that I’ve got two.”
He chuckled. “You’re not my first patient with two hearts. That Doctor Whooves fellow who fixes all the clocks around town? He’s got two too. Came as quite a shock, I can tell you, but he said not to worry about it. Really nice fellow, he once sent me a postcard from his hometown. It’s someplace called Gallopfrey.”
My eyes glazed over slightly. “Everything’s coming together. In one universe! All I have to do is find a version of the Starship Enterprise , and my life will be complete.”
Twilight looked at me like I had potatoes sprouting out of my ears. “What are you talking about?”
“Sorry, one of my dreams just came true. In a roundabout way. I just had to travel to another universe to find it.” I laughed mirthlessly. “None of my friends back home would ever believe any of this.”
“You had friends where you’re from?” asked Twilight.
I snorted. “Yes. ” I growled. “Just because my species is scary doesn’t mean there aren’t good people. I didn’t have many friends, but I wasn’t unpopular enough to have none . My friends were all crazy the same way I am. We liked the same shows, and they enjoyed my stories,” the brick wall showed up again, behind me this time. I gave it the evil eye before it disappeared. The doctor gave me a worried look.
“Oh, you write?” asked Twilight, her eyes glowing.
“I’m more of an aspiring hack,” I muttered. “Say Doc, what does it mean to have the same hallucination over and over?”
“What do you mean?”
“Whenever I hear or say certain phrases, usually involving chapters or stories, I see-” I stiffened, and my eyes went wide. “Oh, no.” I breathed.
“What?! ” asked Twilight.
“NevermindIdon’twanttogothere!” I shuddered. “If it’s what I think it is, I’m in big trouble. How do Pinkie and Discord handle that?”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Judging your lack of sense, I take it you’re feeling better?”
I nodded. “Yes, I did back when we started walking here. I’m fine now.”
The doctor beckoned, and I bent down. “Hmm. There’s nothing there now.”
“Oh, come on! He practically had a second horn!” Twilight said with exasperation.
“Well, looks like you heal super quick. I can give you some aspirin …”
“No, I’m fine. Sorry to have wasted your time. Oh, and terrifying you.”
The doctor smiled. “Actually, you’re not so bad. At least, when somepony gets to know you. Have a nice day.” He then hoofed me a sucker. I laughed.
“Thanks. Oh wow. Butterscotch.”
As we walked out of the office, me with a sucker in my mouth and looking like an overgrown five-year-old, Twilight said, “You are absolutely impossible. You are aware of this, yes?”
I nodded. “I’ve been called worse. I’m sorry I made you miss breakfast.”
“I’m going to have to get used to foalsitting you. Full time. Sheesh. OK, then! Anyway, what did you think of-” She looked back, to find me stopped in the middle of the street. “Draco?”
“That song! Gotta go, bye!” I then dashed off in the direction of the music, not noticing I was on all fours. I came to a large building that was the same brown and pastels as the rest of Ponyville, I assumed it was the town hall. A familiar song was playing, the hall was empty, so I took a seat. On the stage was a dark grey mare, her long black mane slightly done up in a bun. She was wearing a collar and pink bow tie. She was lost in the cello song she was playing, and in a moment so was I. I closed my eyes, and imagined seeing the music as color. When she was done, I applauded.
She gave a start, and glanced at me. She then walked off the stage to meet me. “I … didn’t know I had an audience.”
“Sorry, but that’s one of my all-time favorite pieces of music, and I wanted to hear it before it was over. Cello prelude #1, right? I’m tone-deaf, so I couldn’t tell you the key. Your playing is amazing, and I can tell you have a passion for it. It’s nice to get lost in music.”
She blinked slowly a few times. “Ah, … thank you. It’s nice to meet somepony who appreciates the classics. Mr.?”
“I’m currently going by Draco, at least until I find myself. Dubstep isn’t really my thing, I’ve got too old a soul. Sorry I startled you.”
“I just wasn’t expecting it, though I’m grateful you enjoyed it.” She blinked again. “You’re a Draconequus.”
“Guilty as charged. I can’t really help it. Thank you for the music.”
At that point, Twilight ran into the room. “There you are! You can’t just run off on a whim! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
“You don’t ever stop to appreciate something you love?”
Octavia cut in at that point, “Princess, he was perfectly fine. He was just listening to me practice, I didn’t even hear him come in. He was very well behaved.”
“Is the reason everypony treats me like a colt because I really do act like a colt that much?”
“Yes. You do,” said Twilight in a neutral tone.
“Right. I’ll work on my impulse issues. Shall we head back? I want to see how Spike and Starlight are doing. Thank you once again, Ms. Melody, and keep up the excellent work.”
Twilight practically dragged me by the tails towards the castle. The few ponies who were back on the street streaked back into their homes. “You know, that’s going to get old really quickly .” I growled. Twilight rolled her eyes.
I spotted Derpy on the street again, and gave her a wave. A voice in a nearby alley called, “Derpy! Allons-y! We’re late!”
My eyes lit up. “Is that-?”
Twilight stopped me in my tracks. “Easy tiger. I don’t think the Doctor would like you fanboying all over him. Though why him of all ponies, I don’t understand.”
I shrugged. “In a roundabout way, he, or at least someone like him, is one of my heroes.” I heard a faint *Vworp! Vworp!* come from the alley. My ears and tails drooped. “What I would give,” I muttered. I glanced at Twilight. “Never mind. Not going to happen. Anyway, I’d just die. Let’s go.”
Twilight looked at me cautiously. “It really doesn’t take a lot to flip you from emotion to emotion, does it?”
“Eeeenope!” I sniffed. “Do you smell cotton candy?”
“Ohmigosh! A new Draconequus! That is so cool! Can you do totally cool magic, like make it snow frosted cupcakes? Ooh! Ooh! How about you turn the oranges into gumdrops! Are you new to just Ponyville, or to all of Equestria, because I’ve never done a ‘Welcome to Equestria’ party before and that would be super-duper fun!”
“Yes to the first, I’m a new Draconequus, I don’t know if that’s cool. No to the second and third, I can’t access my magic, and even if I could, I don’t think many ponies would like to be hit by cupcake rain. The fourth, all of Equestria, but please don’t throw me a big party, I have a lot of trouble at them.”
Pinkie deflated like a popped balloon. Her eyes teared up. “You – you don’t want a party?” she whimpered.
I sighed. “I wouldn’t mind a small one, but I tend to get really overstimulated at big ones, and that was before I had bat ears. Besides, I think you’ll be hard-pressed to find a pony who will actually attend, not many ponies around town seem to like me very much.”
“I like you,” said Twilight optimistically.
“Me too!” said Pinkie, “I’ll round up the villagers, don’t worry! Nothing brings ponies together like a party. One eensy-weensy party coming right up! Ooh! What’s your favorite cake?”
I thought about it. “Variations on chocolate. Devil’s food. German chocolate with coconut frosting.”
Pinkie gave me a sideways look. “Well, we have Germane chocolate with coconut frosting, but … not many ponies like coconut.”
I smiled. “You’re the resident party expert, I give you my permission to do what you think is best. Gods know I know nothing about parties. Thank you very much. What time and place is it?”
Pinkie thought for about two seconds. “The town hall at six tonight. See you then!” She pronked away, humming to herself.
Twilight looked at me. “Not a party pony, huh?”
I shook my head.
“Good morning everypony!” called a soft voice.
“Hello Fluttershy!” Twilight and I said in unison. We blinked at each other.
“How are you doing today Draco?”
“Could be better. I can live with my klutziness, but I would feel better if more than two townsponies would actually talk to me. How have you been?”
“I’ve been good! The animals at the sanctuary are all doing well, and we got the cutest fennec foxes yesterday!”
“That’s good.”
“Hey! Slackers! We’ve got places to be!” said a familiar raspy voice. Rainbow Dash then streaked towards the ground, landing in the middle of all of us. She looked at me, but it was a less wary look than yesterday. “So, you doing any better?”
I nodded. “Yeah, thanks. It’s just a lot to get used to. New body, new universe, and new people to scare … it’s just going to be a while. How have you been?”
“Good. We’re training for a show next week. I might have an extra ticket, if you’d like to come.”
“Thanks! The fact that ponies can fly amazes me, so I would love to watch daring acrobatics.”
Rainbow smirked. “You strike me as a grade-A egghead. What’d you think of Daring Doo?”
“Uhhh … I haven’t read them yet.”
“You haven’t read Daring Doo?!” Rainbow exclaimed with horror.
“Technically, I’ve only existed for three days. The library has a copy of the complete series, I will get around to it, I hear they’re wonderful.”
Rainbow snorted. “They’re better than ‘wonderful!’ They are some of the most awesome, most daring, most exciting books ever written! You HAVE to read them!”
I smirked. “Glad you discovered the wonderful world of books?”
“Uh, yeah! It totally changed my outlook!” Rainbow leaned in conspiratorially. “You know, I’ve actually gotten to meet Daring Doo once or twice. She’s totally amazing!”
“I’m sure.” At that point, Rarity walked up. I hurried over to meet her. “Listen, I am so, so sorry for what I tried to do to you and Spike, even if I really wasn’t ‘in my right mind.’ Is there any way I can make it up to you?”
Rarity surveyed me critically. “Well … how are you at organizing things?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes.
“Pretty good. I’m a major neat freak, so I’ve found creative ways to organize my stuff.”
Rarity jabbed a hoof into my stomach. “HA! You’re helping me to organize my Fall line at the Boutique tomorrow! I’m sure Spike and Sweetie Belle will appreciate the break this time.”
I nodded. I heard someone walking up behind me. “Uh, howdy! I’m Applejack. Who in the hay are you?”
I whirled around. “Uh, I’m, I’m Draco. For the moment anyways. Newest student of Friendship,” I said with a nervous grin.
“Uh huh,” said Applejack quickly. “Well, ay honestly don’t what to make of having another Draconawhatsit running around loose. Yer not going to be a problem, are you?”
I shrugged. “I think I am one already. Even without magic.”
Pinkie Pie pronked over. “Oh, sorry, I forgot to ask, do you like cake or cupcakes better?”
“Uh, cake. Thank you.”
“No problem!” Pinkie beamed. “I think it’s totally cool that Twilight’s got a new student. She’s a super-great teacher, even if she is a little boring sometimes.”
“Pinkie!” snapped Twilight.
“Ooh! Hey! We should do a song!”
“Oh, Lord, please n-” I was cut off.
Rainbow Dash took the lead:
If you want to know what’s awesome, I’m the one that you should call
(Applejack) And Ay’m really looking forward to showing you this Fall
(Rarity) If you want a sense of style, you can always call on me
(Fluttershy) And I’ll always be happy to help you to roam free
(Twilight) With your lessons and great patience you will find yourself at last
(Pinkie) And I’m here to help you have a blast!
(All together) In time you will find the magic that’s within
In time you will find just where you’ve always been
We’re here for you, if ever you need a friend
As friends we’ll stick by you, ‘till the very end!! ”
They looked at me expectantly. “OK, big points for the on-the-fly rhymes, but how did you get the dance moves down?” I asked.
Twilight coughed. “Draco, that’s your cue.”
My ears flattened as my eyes widened. “Oh, no ! No way! I don’t sing!” I was given two glares, and four sets of puppy dog eyes that would have cuted Darth Vader to death. “ALL RIGHT! I’LL SING!”
I know I’m not the coolest, the kindest, or the smart
I’m not a great worker, even with the extra heart
I know nothing about fashion, even less of party trends
But thanks to all of you, I’ve now got such good friends!
I stood there, panting. “Blech. Don’t ever make me do that again.”
Twilight put a reassuring hoof on my paw. “You … get used to it. In time.”
“I truly, truly hope not.”
“Well, I thought you were marvelous! I love what your voices do when you sing! It’s beautiful!”
I looked at the steps of the building behind me, and saw Discord, holding a steampunk-esque camcorder. “You didn’t!” He smirked. I got down on all fours, and lunged towards him, actually making the leap, and knocking into him. “GIVE ME THAT CAMERA, YOU INTERDIMENSIONAL PEST!” I roared. We tumbled for a moment, but he held the upper talon.
“What, does your reputation really mean that much to you? Look, you’ve already got eight ‘likes’ and a retwit!”
“It’s ‘retweet,’ and Equestria doesn’t have an internet, so you had better be lying.”
“You’ll never know!”
“Jerk,” I muttered. I then spotted a pink mare with a yellow mane and a lily cutie mark trying to sneak past. She spotted Discord and I, and fainted dead away. I growled. “Do ponies really think that just because I’m a Draconequus now, I’m going to turn Ponyville into the Chaos Capital of the universe?!”
“If you could, would you?” asked Twilight, sounding worried.
I scoffed. “Nah. Chaos isn’t really my thing, unless it’s in the name of fun, or creativity. Technically, I bat for team Good, and team Order, but to be perfectly honest, I’m more on the side of balance than anything. If there wasn’t evil, good wouldn’t have a function. We wouldn’t be able to tell what good even was , and there’d be no point to free will, because we wouldn’t even have a choice.” I gestured at Discord. “Without chaos, the universe would be perfectly ordered, and would never change. Life can’t happen without at least some level of chaos to let it happen. Night, day, change, stagnation, magic, science, everything has something to balance it out. That’s one of the cool things about life.”
Discord was staring at me with his eyes narrowed, and an eyebrow raised. “What?!” I asked.
He coughed into his paw. “Nothing. Good speech.” He held up a scorecard of pickle out of Pi. I rolled my eyes. “Well, it’s been fun everypony, but I have to go! Oh! Before I forget,” he said, as his head bounced away from him, “by direct order of the Council, I’m supposed to teach Draco here about magic.”
“Wonderful,” I growled.
Discord continued, paying me no heed. “Of course, the only magic I’m actually good at is chaos magic, which might not work for you. There’s only one Spirit of each concept.” He caught his head, and snapped it back into place. “T.T.F.N.!” He said, bouncing on his tail, and rocketing away into the clouds.
I sighed. “Of all the mentors, in all the universes, in all creation, I get stuck with him .” Pinkie started to play As Time Goes By , a fedora on her head. I didn’t bother to ask where the piano came from, I didn’t want to know. “Well, it was nice to meet everypony, but I’ve taken up enough of your day. I guess I’ll see you all tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow Rarity. I don’t sleep, so forgive me if it’s too early. We’d better head back, I’m sure Spike and Starlight are worried.”
“Bye now!” called Applejack.
“Good luck!” added Fluttershy.
Twilight walked me back to the castle. “So, you OK?” asked Spike.
“I just broke my pride in about three places. Give me a cast and I’ll be fine.”
“So, are all Draconequui klutzy without magic, or are you and Discord an exception?” asked Starlight with an evil grin.
“I’ll need more data to confirm or deny that hypothesis. I’ll let you know, when and if I ever find out.” Spike rolled his eyes.
“You and Twilight really deserve each other,” he muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” we both snapped at the same time. We then both laughed.
“Yeah, you might have a point there.” I said. “Shouldn’t you mortals all get something to eat?” They all rolled their eyes.
“Actually, I made hayburgers, just the way Twilight likes ‘em,” said Spike. Twilight’s eyes lit up.
“Pass, I don’t think hay is ever going to sound good. Do you have any eggs?”
“Yeah, in the icebox, third shelf down.”
“Great! See you all in a second.” I rushed down to the kitchen, and scrambled some eggs, adding cheese as an afterthought.
As I brought up my plate, Twilight said, “So, you like eggs?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m an omnivore in both lives. Living in an entirely vegetarian society is going to take some getting used to. Bacon would go great with these.”
“What’s bacon?” asked Spike.
“I’ll … tell you when you’re older. So, Princess Sparkle, now that we’re actually eating, what’s next on the agenda?”
After a few messy bites of her burger, Twilight said, “Well, your first friendship lesson didn’t go as planned, so I thought we’d start on magical theory after lunch. It’s not as if that can blow up in your face.”
“AAUUUGHH!” I dove towards the table, and rapped both sets of knuckles on it four times. I turned to face Twilight with wide eyes. “Never say things like that! Didn’t they ever teach you basic superstition? It’s tempting fate! I have proof!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’m sure it will be perfectly fine. Eat your eggs, and we’ll get started. I’m glad you’re eating.”
“I’m not hungry, but I think I want to eat, so I thought I’d try it to see if I get hungry.”
After working that sentence out, Spike asked, “Are you always this weird?”
“You have no idea…” I wolfed, or in my case, chimeraed my eggs down, and waited for everypony else to finish.
Twilight pulled me back into the library, and set me down at a study table. She levitated some of the biggest books I’d ever seen over. “Now! These range from ‘basic spell theory’ to ‘advanced transmutation.’ I thought I’d start by having you just dive in, and see what you can grasp.”
I cracked open one of the beginner books. I turned several pages over. “This … is … all … math …” One of my voices took a little longer to trail off.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Of course it is! Magical theory is heavily rooted in strict formulae. It can take years to master, which is why most ponies don’t major in it. What did you think magic was, just pointing and going ‘whoosh?’”
“Something like that. If this is so complicated, then why can foals do magic so well, and to such chaotic results?”
“You do know that there’s a difference between theory and application, right? Since you can’t do practical application, which most ponies are born with, I thought I should teach you the theory, and see what that does. It might help you to see how to unlock the application part of magic. You can do math, right?”
I examined the pages again. “Most of this, yes.” I snickered several times.
“What’s so funny?”
“No calculators. I’ll have to learn how to use an abacus. Could that be lesson number one?”
Twilight beamed. “Yes! At last, somepony who sees its value! I’m so glad you think it could be useful, I’ve been wanting to teach somepony for years!”
“Happy to help.”
“Wait right here, I’ll go get my lecture notes, and a blackboard. I just knew having a pre-prepared lecture would pay off some day!” She streaked out of the room.
I sent a silent prayer to any gods listening. I’ve always known you lot have a strange sense of humor, but sentencing me to advanced math homework on top of everything else you’ve done to me is just cruel. I’m sure you know what you’re doing, but … I still don’t know why you did this.
Twilight returned to the room, dragging an abacus and a blackboard behind her. She also had a large stack of flashcards and paper, and some pencils. “So, to begin, the abacus is a calculating tool, dating as far back as …”
I took notes as best I could, but six hours later, even with trying the abacus out, my eyes were glazed over. I shook my head, and glanced at the clock. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, shouldn’t we head over to the party?”
“Oh! Yes. Sorry about that, I tend to get a little ‘too involved’ in my lectures. Do you understand what we covered?”
“Actually, yes. If I have more questions, I’ll ask. Shall we go?”
Spike walked into the room. “C’mon Twilight! We don’t want to be late!”
“Coming!” she called.
I stood up, and stretched from my ears to the tips of my tails. I could stretch in ways that shouldn’t have been possible if I had a skeleton, but it didn’t seem to bother me.
We walked over to the town hall, which was quiet and dark. I turned my ears around towards it, but could only hear some rustling, and maybe some breathing. As we walked in, the lights clicked on. “SURPRISE! Welcome to Equestria!” everypony in the room called.
Pinkie hopped onto a chair, and tied a blindfold around my eyes. She then spun me around eight times. “Pin the tail on the pony! Dead ahead cap’n!” I wobbled over to the wall, and twitched my ears. I let out a small click, and heard where it echoed off of the closest point of the wall. I stuck the tail on. “Aww! That’s cheating!” said Pinkie, pretending to be sad.
I took the blindfold off. My eyes widened, and my tails twitched. “I thought you said this was going to be an ‘eensy-weensy’ party!”
Pinkie shrugged. “Some ponies said they wanted to invite their friends.”
“ Pinkie, the entire town’s here!” I then facepawed. “Right. I’m in Ponyville. This is a small party. Thank you.”
“Aww, it was nothing! Who wants cake?” The assembled townsponies cheered. The music started, and some ponies began to dance. I watched with interest. Pinkie brought a slice of cake over to me. “Peanut butter filled chocolate with cream cheese frosting! I hope that’s ok.”
“Sounds great, thank you.” I took a bite. “Sweet heavens, this is amazing!”
“I’ll tell Mrs. Cake. Aren’t you going to join in?”
I scanned the room. “… In a minute. I’m just not used to this kind of thing, but thanks for putting it all together.”
“Wellll, if you don’t want to dance, there are games.”
My eyes lit up. “I love games! Let’s go!” I swallowed the rest of the cake in one bite, and dragged Pinkie over to where I could see some games.
“Wanna play Twister? I’m a level three champ!” Pinkie sang.
“It. Is. On! I’ve been meaning to see what I can do!” Pinkie and I set up, and began the game. While I could twist around like an overgrown hose, Pinkie was surprisingly elastic herself. When “left hoof on red” was called, I tripped over one of my tails, and landed face-down on the mat.
“Great job!” called Pinkie. “Wanna play again?”
“Nah. I think I’m going to go get something to eat. Great game, it was a lot of fun.”
Pinkie smiled. “I knew you’d like it!”
As I headed over to the dessert-covered buffet table, I heard an angst-ridden sigh. I looked over my shoulder, and saw Spike staring wistfully out at the crowd. I followed his line of sight with my eyes. Then, I got a wonderful, awful idea. I tapped Spike on the shoulder. “Follow me,” I whispered. Spike followed me as I snaked through the crowd onto the dancefloor. When I reached my target, I bowed formally. “Madame Rarity, would you care to dance?”
Rarity looked at me with surprise. “Uh, yes. Thank you.”
I grinned evilly. “Great! Spike would too! Have fun you two!” I disappeared in the direction whence I came.
Rarity stood with her mouth open. She then laughed heartily. “He’s about as subtle as a parasprite invasion, isn’t he?”
Spike chuckled. “Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Do you? Want to dance, I mean.”
Rarity smiled. “Actually, I’d love to darling!” They took to the floor.
As I was loading a plate with three different kinds of chocolate, I heard Fluttershy ask, “Enjoying yourself?”
“Surprisingly, yes. I am. It’s nice to loosen up a bit, even if it is too crowded and noisy, but, I think I’ll live.”
“Glad to hear it!”
The party continued into the wee hours. About one o’clock, I tapped Twilight on the shoulder. “I get that the party’s for me, but I think I’m going to sneak back to the castle. I’ll be sure to thank everypony. I have a lot of homework I want to start on, and I technically owe Rarity my soul at this point, so I want to get an early start on working that debt off tomorrow.”
“Not tired, are you?” asked Twilight with a smile.
“No, just a little sore. I’ll see you when you get in, or tomorrow morning.”
“Bye now!”
I snuck out the back door, and legged it towards the castle, and the safety of the library. When I got there, I started to read and copy one of the ‘basic spell theory’ books. Ah, the joys of fractal magic. Fun fun fun! I thought of a cellist, and a mailmare, neither of whom thought I was a monster on sight. I smiled happily, and curled up in a chair to get some reading done.
Author's Note
At long last, here it is.
