The Great Equestrian Journey

I'm still poring over the letter. It's late at night, Spike has gone home to Twilight, and that single fact

will not

let me

sleep.

Sometimes I forget how to breathe.

Chrysalis is here. She's waiting in the darkness. She's going to try and

kill me.

kill me kill me kill me.

I'd rather blow up.

I've had quite a strange fear, a fear of being there and then being gone and your blood and guts and everything in your body is all that remains but your skin is nonexistent. I've read an article about it once. It's called spontaneous combustion.

I'd hated the thought of it before. But now

Chrysalis is here

Chrysalis will find me

And I have no idea what would happen next

besides

death

and

destruction

and, oh, what if I caused it? Caused Lotus to die, cause a huge war between changelings and rebel changelings?

Death. It's part of life, somehow. And it's going to happen.

_____

I'm tossing and turning in bed, hoping I'll get a little bit of sleep tonight, hoping Spike will pull me out of bed the next morning. The alarms clock reads 12:12. Same numbers; I make a wish for Spike.

Sleep tugs at my eyes, forcing my lids to close.

When my eyes open next, it isn't Spike pulling the blinds open. Its Lotus.

Screaming, I jerk up and nearly fall out of bed. Lotus stands there smiling at me, deep orange eyes drilling into mine.

My heart thumps

thumps thumps thumps

as I foolishly approach him. He still smiles. He never smiled.

"You're alive," I gasp. I reach forward to touch him.

As soon as my hoof makes contact, his eyes melt away and behold these familiar green ones. I exhale and back up.

Chrysalis advances towards me. She's ready to pounce. I open my mouth to scream. She pounces --

I sit up in bed, gasping and sweating.

Someone is opening the blinds.

"Lo--"

"Woah," Ember says. "Chill."

I can't possibly 'chill'

if my number one enemy

wants my head.

I sigh and climb out of bed, a bit dizzy from the dream and lack of sleep.

Ember grimaces. I bet I look awful. "Get any sleep?"

"Nope."

She huffs. "Well, Spike went with Twilight on a mission."

"What mission?"

Ember's maroon eyes take on a more pitiful state. "To find a cure for the disease."

I want to tell her that the one with the cure is Chrysalis.

But Ember speaks before I can do that. "Princess Luna is sick too. Her sister just released a statement to the press."

My shoulders go rigid.

Ember notices. "Look, don't feel bad." I should. "The officials are trying to pick apart the disease. They'll find out what killed Lotus."

I really want to tell her about Chrysalis, but this is Ember. How will she believe me?

Ember nods at me to follow, then turns and heads to the kitchen. I go after her. In the kitchen, I smell something. Coffee, I think. Yes, coffee. Two steaming mugs sit on the table.

Ember immediately sits down and takes a sip. I repeat her actions and

I realize

I can't trust her

I don't know

if she's her

if she's poisoning me.

I don't realize that I'm hyperventilating until Ember's claw is rubbing my back. She wouldn't care for me this way. I meet Ember's eyes and say sorry.

"Don't say sorry," she says.

I should feel sorry. Ember went ahead to be nice and made us coffee, and my stupidness ruined all that. No. She ruined all that. "No, I really am. I'm sorry."

Ember gives me her obligatory eye roll. "You're too nice."

I am too nice. That makes me wonder how I'll ever fight anyone who comes after me.

And then I think back to when I didn't even know Ember, when I saw her offending Spike and turned into a bear to defend him. That's what I'll do. Except I'll have to be the worst friend ever and have Spike be threatened, because

only then I can get defensive

only then I can ever do anything useful

all this makes me want to puke.

This is all irrational.

Right?

I really would rather blow up.

Ember sits back down across from me, and we sip our coffee in silence. I never knew someone like Ember would need coffee; she just summons strength wherever she goes. I find it way easier to focus on that tiny little fact instead of everything else.