What we hate, we cannot escape...
They say time heals all wounds.
They say that as time moves forwards, past sins are forgotten.
But what they do not tell you is the effect these memories have on you as the shackles of time force you to relive such moments. What they do not tell you is how ferociously the emotions you feel control you and your day-to-day actions. What they do not dare to speak of is the way it changes your being, inside and out.
They do not ever say just how vividly you can remember what has transpired, and they do not say how long you must wait for those wounds to fade.
Everypony experiences something like this. A broken heart. A shattered family. The bonds between friends, severed in irreparable manner. So many of these moments come from tiny things. Words spoken. Actions carried out. Mannerisms that at first were endearing, but now are nothing more than a nuisance.
Just like the words somepony wise once said: “From small and simple things, great things come to pass.”
These fractions of moments can happen anytime, anyplace, and when we least expect it. They can be as elusive as a phrase, or conspicuous as a light at night.
I never would have thought such a moment would happen to me.
I suppose even I, a pony of such high calibre, could still have these fallacies and epiphanies. As I have said, it happens when we least expect it, and it happened to me. It seems forever ago, yet I remember it just like yesterday...
At a time when Equestria was at odds with one of its greatest villains of all time.
It had all started when a rogue group of changelings seeked out the only other monarch they knew in their race: The Changeling Queen. When one of Thorax’s right hooves fell from his grace and wanted nothing more than to see him and his friends fall.
So when Queen Chrysalis saw the opportunity, she took it. Almost immediately, she set out with her most cunning and devious plans yet… and she patiently bided her time. She grew from past experiences, moving bases every time she had the merest inkling of suspicion. She studied her ponies before she substituted them with her own.
She didn’t plan to make any mistakes.
Of course, with a changeling conspiracy came changeling spies, and before long, Thorax knew of the whispers of a web being weaved in the shadows. Whispers they may have been, but whispers were enough. Thorax set out immediately to contact the Guardians of Harmony, the Princesses of Equestria, and all relations forthwith.
It didn’t take long at all for Queen Chrysalis to find out her time was now stretched thin and her plans would have to be enacted or all would have been for naught. This time, she didn’t hold back. She was still cautious with the lives she endangered for even she still had a code to live by, but she did not hesitate. She did not fear. And she did not doubt.
And when she was within a hair’s length away from the one pony she hated in the entirety of existence, she was revealed.
Twilight Sparkle would never have dreamt of leaving Starlight by herself without a powerful charm that could detect the traces of a changeling’s magic upon direct contact. Just as well, the charm was near undetectable, only able to be found out by a magician actively searching for it. At that moment, Chrysalis was able to brush Starlight with the first spell she had in mind before the spell took effect.
With a warning flash of green around the fringes of Starlight’s vision, she had gasped and blasted the pony nearest her.
In the blink of an instant, Twilight teleported to her pupil, brushing her aside and casting spell after prepared spell to make sure none of them could be susceptible to any illusions or manipulative hexes. In the same moment, Chrysalis shouted and called upon all those she had managed to rally to her cause.
After that, the only thing that truly mattered was the Changeling Queen and the Princess of Friendship. As the woes of family being revealed to be the enemy and friends turning into monsters ran amok in the background, Twilight Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis stared each other down. With an angry snarl, Chrysalis glanced at the prone figure of Starlight Glimmer, who she had managed to stun before she was blown off her hooves.
“Twilight Sparkle.” Chrysalis unveiled herself from the form she had taken, her glistening armour and stocky features giving way to her spindly hole-riddled legs and black carapace. “My quarrel is not with you. Hand your student over to me and we can forget your or I met.”
Twilight stood tall, wings spread and her horn shimmering with powerful purple mana. “I can’t do that. If you have problem with Starlight, you have a problem with me.”
“I do not care for your petty philosophies!” Chrysalis barked. She buzzed her wings irritably and swung her head, throwing spell after contrived spell. They were shakily absorbed or deflected by the shield Twilight had erected. “First you repelled my invasion, ruining the meticulous planning I had put into replacing your beloved Crystal Princess.” She ducked her head as a bolt of her own magic came ricocheting at her and scowled. “That was forgivable compared to what Starlight Glimmer had done to me, destroying the regime I had worked so hard to build in a matter of seconds!”
Twilight gritted her teeth as she managed to repel each of Chrysalis’ advances. Yet with each new spell, she found Chrysalis walking forward, ever so slowly. The distance between her shield’s boundaries and Chrysalis herself would soon be noticeable.
“Forcing your subjects to follow your every command unquestioningly and depriving them of basic needs isn’t how a proper ruler acts, Chrysalis, and we both know you know that.”
Queen Chrysalis let out a forced and loud laugh that rattled all those near her to the core. “Do not lecture me on ruling a nation, Princess Twilight Sparkle. You of all ponies, trying to teach me about how to run a kingdom. Pathetic. You barely know how to be a so called ‘Princess of Friendship’, how could you know what it’s like to be the sole equine responsible for the survival of your nation?”
Twilight smirked despite the barrage of force she was now struggling to keep up with. “Do you not remember when Tirek stole the magic of every being he ran into, including you and your race?”
Chrysalis scoffed. “You had the magic of four alicorns for a few moments. So what? You still weren’t able to defeat Tirek on your own. You even gave up the magic you had in exchange for a source of power that even I know might not have worked at all. That is what one would call luck, and, if experience has taught me one thing, luck only lasts for so long.”
“...” Twilight was surprised at Chrysalis’ insight. It was true she didn’t know whether it would work or not, but she had trusted in the power of her friends to get through that tough time, and it had. With a shake of her head, Twilight looked Chrysalis in the eye.
“It’s not just about power, Chrysalis. It’s about doing what’s right in the face of overwhelming odds. It’s about relying on those closest to you to support you when times get rough, and if not, to know that you held your integrity to the last moment.”
“Such notions are the reasons why you ponies are all so weak,” Chrysalis countered. “Integrity? What sort of integrity is there to defending a pony that controlled an entire village by taking their laughable talents away? What kind of logic is there to protecting the pony who led so many timelines to ruin, or did you think that your pretty little romp through time could only be noticed by you?”
Both Starlight and Twilight winced. As Starlight began to recover from being knocked aside by Twilight, the latter was speechless. Chrysalis had nearly broken through the first of her barriers, and once that fell… Twilight had to finish this.
“Queen Chrysalis, we grow from our mistakes! The reason why we are better today is because we learn from the errors of yesterday, and we can be even better tomorrow by learning from our failures today-”
“Your wits are at an end, Twilight Sparkle,” Queen Chrysalis sneered, and the first shield shattered. “You rely too much on the friends who’ve failed to show up to help you this day, and that is why you fail.”
With a powerful blow of magic the last of Twilight’s wards cracked and dissolved, the resulting burst of physical energy pushing her back. Now only able to defend her friend with small active shields, she shook her head. As this game of back and forth continued to play out however, Starlight had been building up magic in her horn. Enough magic to be considered lethal if sent out in a focused burst.
But in the shock of the moment, Starlight didn’t know that. She only knew she had to protect her friend.
Twilight could feel the magic focus just before Starlight released it… directly at the Changeling Queen.
“Starlight, NO!” Twilight cried before wrapping Chrysalis in her hooves and teleporting, redirecting all the incoming energy she could muster before…
“Twilight?”
A familiar voice breaks me out of my melancholy, standing atop a breezy hill.
“Starlight.” I manage to whisper, turning my attention back to the engraved stone in front of me.
“You okay?”
I sigh, propping the bouquet of flowers I had brought with me upright against the rock. “Just… thinking.”
“I’m so sorry, Twilight. I… I shouldn't have interfered, I shouldn’t have tried to help, I shouldn’t have-”
I hold a hoof up, stopping her in her tracks. I had heard this exact same apology every time she came to visit at the same time I did. It was understandable, but ultimately self-destructive.
“Starlight… as much as I would have every reason to hate you along with everypony else…” I see her ears fold and I mentally cry with anguish. “Sometimes, you have to let those feelings go. Sometimes…”
These words. They’re as hard for me to say as I'm sure it is hard for Starlight to hear.
“...Sometimes, you can’t control what happens, and you have to forgive yourself. Forgive everypony who did you wrong. And most of all… be better tomorrow.”
Sniffling, Starlight nods and she pulls me into a hug. The only thing I can do is reciprocate it, each of us comforting the other. With a deep breath, Starlight walks up to the gravestone, puts a hoof on it, and closes her eyes.
I can only imagine what she must be thinking, and I can feel my own eyes begin to blur before I see her head droop and her form walk away, leaving me once again alone on the top of the hill.
Walking up to the engraved stone, I shut my own eyes and go back to that afternoon. I can feel my tears begin to fall on the very flowers I’d brought, and I can still hear the pop of magic as we reappeared on this very hill.
I almost couldn’t believe it.
This was the type of magic every magician knew to keep in check. The type of magic that everypony suppressed with every living breath. The type of magic that had just been unleashed on her.
I was surprised by the teleport as much as any pony in her situation would’ve been. But all I could really see was the rage at seeing Starlight attempt something so rash. How could she-!?
I still haven’t opened my eyes, but I can hear the laboured breathing of somepony near me. Could it be…? Could she actually have saved us both? Did she actually care enough about me to save me from death?
Opening my eyes, I see the setting sun in the distance, it’s golds and violets painting the sky. The time of day couldn’t have been any better. But that wasn’t what she was trying to figure out. Getting up, I shook the vestiges of hastily-prepared magic out of my system before spotting a body in the grass near me.
Frowning, I approached her.
In her side was a noticeable scorch mark, a burn that was distinguishable from all others simply because it radiated the mana that was cast. A mana burn. Her skin had been singed and her entire body seemed paler than before.
But most of all, I, Queen Chrysalis, could not fathom why a pony like Twilight Sparkle would sacrifice her life for a creature like me.
“Why?” I asked, cocking my head. When I received no answer, I dropped to my knees, pulled her into my forelegs and shook her. “Why would you save me!?”
Her breathing continued to grow faint, but I could feel the stirrings within the stupid pony. I reached out to them and tried to read them, before yelling into my saviour’s face.
“Why would you save the one pony you couldn’t possibly hate more!?”
“...because… everypony… deserves a second chance…”
Her words were staggered, and she still had yet to open her eyes, but as far I knew, she was conscious. And with that, I did not refrain from asking her more stupid questions.
The way she said those words, however, struck me in a way I couldn’t understand. Gulping, I narrowed my eyes. “But how could you, the most logical and knowledgeable pony I’ve gleaned since Starswirl the Bearded, think risking your life was smart?”
I only saw her smile before she gave a weak laugh. “Sometimes… being brave… doesn’t mean being smart.”
I frowned at the purple alicorn in my hooves, the only pony I’ve ever known and will know to risk their life for me. What… what is this that I’m sensing? That I’m feeling? I could only growl, staving off this onslaught of… emotion.
“What are you doing to me!? Why did you do this!? How does being brave mean dying for your foe?!”
Twilight’s pale face contorted into soft confusion. “Doing… to you…? I’m… only… showing… my hoof… in friendship… and… not… everything… has to be… understood…”
What is this? Why is there water dripping from my face? Why am I feeling this warmth inside of me? What is the meaning of this?
As if she knew just from the fresh splotches of water on the fur of her face, she smiled. But this was different. Her eyebrows curved up, almost as if she were in pain. Their tails curved down, crinkling her eyes, and her eyes… Twilight had finally opened them to look me in the eyes, and they shimmered with something… like the soft trickle of water on the riverbeds I had once practiced upon as a little nymph.
“Chrysalis… you are a good pony even if you don’t know it… you did this all for your hive, though your methods could use a little work… you don’t actually hurt any ponies you abduct… you only really wanted what’s best for your subjects…”
“And how could you possibly know this?” I asked, surprised with the decreasing tone of my voice. “Why would you ever think I could be like you?”
“We all have… the potential to do something better… something bigger than… ourselves, Chrysalis…”
Her eyes continued to bore into me, and I just couldn’t look away. Why? Why couldn’t I? I almost couldn’t believe that I would let her hold my face with her hooves as she lay there dying in my forelegs.
“And because… you’re… still here…”
“What do you mean?” I sob, my words catching my throat. Why is this happening to me!? How could I actually be having feelings for a dying worthless excuse for a pony?!
“What do you mean!?” I yell, louder now, voice breaking. But Twilight only coughs, shaking her head with tears of her own in her eyes. With bubbling anger, I shake her body and scream at her with all the emotion I blamed her for.
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WHY AM I STILL HERE!?”
My voice echoed throughout the trees, heavily laden with angry sadness.
“...So much of… our lives… is spent on anger and… reliving old wounds…”
I sneer, putting my wet face up against Twilight’s. “And what are you implying?”
Twilight smiled softly. “Don’t… lock yourself in… the past… and live with no… regrets…”
“No regrets, like you?” I said. “How can I do that? Because for once in my long life, I’m listening to a stupid pony like you. I’m soulless compared to you… filled with the emotions and the love of a hundred ponies… how can I…?”
Twilight merely looked at me, through me, past me, unblinking.
“How can I live by such a pony way of thinking?”
At that point, something inside me had broken. Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I still hold her limp body in my clutches. “I’m not a good being. I’ve only cared about power and ruling. I’ve never considered any of this, or ever thinking somepony would ever care enough to take a hit for me…
“I’ve been…” I almost stopped, not believing the words that I was thinking. “So… a-f-raid… of really… facing the reality that the world doesn’t function on survival alone…”
With eyes twitching, puffy and angry, my mouth twists into a snarl and shout into her face. “Why? Why did you do this to me now? Why would you save me?”
Hugging her tightly, I shake my head.
“How could you believe in me?”
And then I felt something change. Something about me. I almost could see a flash of light, but it couldn’t possibly be. As I could feel my own shape shifting taking place, I continued to hug Twilight tightly, refusing to let go. I couldn’t. She had saved me. Trusted in me when nopony else would.
Opening my eyes, I found that I had taken the very form of the Princess in front of me. With my newly transformed fur now matted with tears, I sniffled and looked into her vacant, twinkling eyes. Her still smiling face.
With a sob, I closed her eyes, forever putting her to rest.
“I will live as you have, Twilight Sparkle. Noble, and with no regrets.”
Casting my own illusion spell on her, she became the Changeling Queen known as Chrysalis, and I remained Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.
I flashed us back, only slightly surprised that my magic had changed colour too. At the sight of the corpse in my hooves, all commotion stopped. I didn’t dare use my still active hivemind ability to contact the changelings. I did what I had to and blocked them off.
“By the stars, Twilight…” Starlight whispers.
With my misty eyes, I glared at the unicorn with all the hatred I could muster, but I failed to realise that I couldn’t hold the feeling as well as I could before.
I could only collapse, weeping over the death of Twilight… the death everypony would see as the death of an enemy.
With a shaky sigh, I step back from the gravestone, wiping my eyes from the tears I had learned to accept would come forth every time I would visit here.
As I could feel my eyes flash purple, I patted the ground, and closed my eyes, ready to recite the words I had said so many times since her passing.
“Be at rest, Twilight Sparkle,
Your words will never fade
I promise to uphold your cause
And be better than today.”
Author's Note
...and what we escape, we once again encounter
