Farce of Nature

by bookplayer

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Apple Bloom, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Big Macintosh
Length: 1510

AJ and Big Mac try to leave with their dates, but first they have to go though Apple Bloom.

Applejack and Big Macintosh both have dates for the evening, but Apple Bloom isn't about to let them out of the house until her curiosity is satisfied. . .

This could be a while.

(If you are against fillyfooling or coltcuddling, this is not the fic for you.)

Published 2012-07-16 17:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-16 17:54:01 UTC

Waiting for Caramel

There was a knock at the door of the farm house. Applejack answered it to find Rainbow Dash hovering over the doorstep. Her eyes went wide, mirroring Dash's.

“Caramel isn't here yet?” Dash whispered.

“No!” AJ whispered back urgently.

“Oh shoot.” Dash said, turning to go. Caramel had to get there first.

“Applejack? Who's that?” Granny Smith called.

AJ cringed, then she and Dash had a silent conversation of looks. When a decision was reached, AJ called back. “It's just Rainbow Dash, Granny!”

“She here to get Macintosh?”

“Umm. . . yeah! She sure is here to get Macintosh. Cause they're goin' out and all. That's why Dash's here. At the door. Yup.” Applejack said, her eyes wide and glancing at the ceiling, illustrating why Caramel had to get there first. Dash had pointed out that Applejack not being there was an important part of any kind of deception, even if it was AJ herself trying to deceive somepony.

Dash rolled her eyes. She whispered, “AJ, just shut up and let me talk, okay?”

“Good idea.” Applejack said with a nod.

Granny yelled up the stairs, “Macintosh! Your filly's here!”

Mac came down the stairs, his mane neatly combed, wearing a bolo tie rather than his work collar. He caught sight of AJ and raised his eyebrows.

Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but Dash cut her off. “Hey, Mac. . . you, um, promised me some apple pie last time! I sure could go for that right now.”

Mac glanced nervously between the two of them. “Uh. . . eeyup.”

“Lemme get that for y'all!” Applejack said, rushing towards the kitchen as Mac and Dash both breathed a sigh of relief.

The relief was short lived, because at that moment Apple Bloom appeared at the top of the stairs, smiling. “Rainbow Dash! What're you doin' here? Goin' out with Big Macintosh again?”

“You got it.” Dash said, smiling but glancing around nervously.

Apple Bloom hurried down the stairs excitedly. “You two been goin' out a lot, are y'all special someponies?”

“Apple Bloom, what've I told ya' bout this?” Mac said, clearly uncomfortable.

“I was just wonderin' cause I ain't seen ya' get all mushy like you did when you drank that love poison.” She turned to Dash. “Does Mac call ya' his smoochy woochy lovvykins and stuff?”

Dash scrunched up her face. “I'm not really the mushy type, kid.”

“So do ya' kiiiiss him?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Umm. . . sure. Yeah.” Dash said, with an uncertain shrug towards Mac.

“Really? You gonna kiss 'im hello now?” Apple Bloom was the picture of innocence.

Dash on the other hoof was glancing at Mac, both of them looking panicked. Dash looked to Granny, hoping she could use the old pony as an excuse, but she was fast asleep in her chair. Finally she called to the kitchen, “AJ! You coming with that pie or what?”

Apple Bloom smiled sweetly. “When y'all get married, can I be flower girl? I did a real good job at the royal weddin'.”

“We ain't gettin' married.” Mac said.

“You just gonna let 'im say that?” Apple Bloom gasped. “Why, I never woulda thought my brother'd be leadin' a filly on.”

Dash shook her head. “He's not leading me on. And who knows, right?”

“Uh. . . eeyup.” Mac confirmed as AJ came out of the kitchen with a plate of pie on her back. Applejack nudged the plate onto a table for Dash, who took a big mouthful, eager to escape Apple Bloom's interrogation.

“Where the hay is Caramel?” Mac whispered while Apple Bloom's attention was on Dash.

AJ whispered back, “How do I know? He's your-”

“So are you and Mac gonna have foals?”

Dash nearly choked on her pie.

“Apple Bloom,” Applejack exclaimed. “That ain't a question you can just ask somepony!”

“Why not? That's what happens when two ponies love each other very much. Y'all do love each other, right?” Apple Bloom eyed Mac and Dash suspiciously.

“Uh. . .” Mac said, his eye wide as he glanced at Dash.

Dash rolled her eyes, “Um. . . sure. Yeah. But no babies!”

Apple Bloom looked even more suspicious. “Why not? That's how it works, right? When two grown up ponies love each other very much, they make a baby foal. AJ didn't leave nothin' out, did she?”

“There might be a little more to it than that, kid.” Dash said, raising an eyebrow.

Apple Bloom leveled a stare at her. “I'm listenin'.”

“Uh. . . heh. . . well. . .” Dash desperately looked to AJ for help.

“Dash! Mac! Ain't it time for y'all to be goin? Cause you're gonna be late for that. . . thing ya hadta do at a certain time? At the. . . library?” Applejack pursed her lips as she finished, eyes wide. Dash cringed.

Apple Bloom didn't seem to notice. “Y'all are goin' on a date to the library?”

“. . . Yup! The library's a totally cool place for a date.”

“It's closed right now.” Apple Bloom pointed out.

“Twilight's keepin' it open.” Mac said quickly. “Just for us.”

Apple Bloom looked confused. “What're ya' gonna do at the library that's all romantic?”

“Um. . .” Dash looked to AJ or Mac for a hint.

“Er. ..” Mac was clearly racking his brain for anything at a library that might make a good date.

“Poetry!” Dash exclaimed, earning a relieved sigh from both AJ and Mac. “That's it. We're gonna read each other poetry! It's totally romantic.”

Apple Bloom nodded, apparently that was acceptable. Then she turned to Applejack. “What about you, sis? Where are you and Caramel goin' for your date?”

Applejack shot a panicked look to Dash. “We're. . .uh, also goin' to the library?”

“Well that don't sound too romantic, if you're all gonna be there.” Apple Bloom said, cocking her head to the side.

“We'll be at different parts of the library.” Dash said, hoping that Apple Bloom didn't notice that the library was one room.

Apple Bloom just stared at them for a moment. Then she said, “I thought y'all were gonna be late?”

“Yup! That's right, they sure are. If y'all don't get there soon all the, um, good poetry's gonna be taken.”

“Are you sure, AJ? I mean, Caramel still has to pick you up. . .”

There was a knock at the door, and three ponies offered silent and sincere thanks to Celestia.

Applejack opened the door. “Looky who it is! Caramel's here, so we all better get goin'.”

“Wait! Caramel didn't tell ya' you look nice, AJ.”

Caramel raised his eyebrows and looked around nervously. “Um, you look nice?”

“Perfect! See kid? Totally normal dates. Let's go!” Dash said as Applejack shoved Caramel out the door. Dash and Mac were right behind her, and Mac kicked the door shut forcefully once they were all outside.

The four walked quickly until they were out of sight of the farmhouse.

“Whew. That was a tough one.” Applejack said, moving over next to Dash and giving her a nuzzle.

“What took ya' so long?” Mac asked Caramel, smiling and giving him a playful shove.

“I said hi to Pinkie Pie. . . sorry.” Caramel said, brushing close to Mac.

Dash draped a wing over Applejack. “Look, you guys have to at least tell Apple Bloom. I don't know if I can take another round of that.”

“No kiddin'.” AJ agreed. “She cornered me in the barn the other day. It wasn't pretty.”

“Yeah, well y'all never had a love poison tossed at ya'.” Mac said, rolling his eyes at the memory.

“Why not tell her?” Caramel asked.

“Well, I don't want her thinkin' she's gotta grow up to be a fillyfooler.” Applejack explained. “If it was just one of us it'd be different, or if she'd ever known ma and pa. But if both her siblin' are gay, I'm worried she might feel like she's gotta be too.”

“And even that ain't so much a problem, 'cept that she and her friends sometimes go a little overboard.” Mac pointed out.

“Oh yeah. I really wanna avoid Cutie Mark Crusaders Fillyfoolers. I don't wanna have to explain that one to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo's folks.” Applejack said. “But I think this oughta be enough to keep her and Granny from wonderin' for a while.”

They came to the road and Dash and AJ started toward the Whitetail Woods, while Mac and Caramel headed to town.

“We'll see you gals later, okay?” Mac called over his shoulder.

“Sure. And go ahead and do anythin' we wouldn't do!” Applejack called back.

Meanwhile, in her bedroom, Apple Bloom was trying to do her homework. It was hard because the pencil fell out of her mouth when she giggled, thinking about the looks on their faces. She hoped AJ and Mac never worked up the courage to tell her they were both gay, 'cause these nights when they tried to fool her were just too much fun.