Big Mac Is A Serial Killer
Big Mac Is A Serial Killer
Edited By: Rainbowloyalty/ FanNotANerd
"Alright crusaders, the 76th nightly crusade for our cutie marks begins tonight!" Scootaloo cheered from the podium inside their clubhouse.
"Yay!" Sweetie Belle and Applebloom replied in unison.
"So, who's got some ideas?"
The enthusiasm of the last few seconds quickly faded as silence entered the small wooden room on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres.
"Same as every sleepover..." Scootaloo sighed, resting a hoof on her chin. The crusader's expressions fell as they racked their brains to try and think of a way they hadn't yet tried to earn their sacred marks. The dim light of the firefly lanterns lighting the clubhouse did little for their inspiration.
"Take five, crusaders," Scoots said, hopping down from the podium to join her friends on the floor.
"Spike let me borrow some of his comic books, maybe we can find an idea in one of 'em?" Applebloom suggested, retrieving her saddle bag from the corner and spilling three comic books onto the floor.
"If everypony reads one, we could have three new ideas!" Sweetie Belle added.
"Everypony, get to reading!" Scootaloo chimed, each of them laying on their bellies atop their sleeping bags while they flipped through the colorful pages of their respective comics.
Once they'd finished up, they compared their graphic novels.
"Well, Sweetie Belle, what was yours about?" Scootaloo asked, raising herself onto her haunches with a flutter of her tiny wings.
"Mine was about a super hero who fought crime and beat up bad ponies with his superpowers!" she explained, "But since we don't have any superpowers, and I don't think we'd be very good at fighting crime, there wasn't much to help me think of a crusading idea," she frowned.
"How about yours Scootaloo?" Applebloom asked.
"Mine was about a filly with a stuffed tiger that was secretly alive, and played games and had fun with her all day long!" she recalled, the idea of having her own special playmate to hang out with when her friends weren't around was quite appealing to the sometimes lonely little pegasus. "It was funny, but didn't really give me any ideas either."
"Well, mine was about a gritty detective who solved mysteries in Fillydelphia back when everything was in black and white!"
The other two crusader's eyes lit up at the possibility of earning a cutie mark for mystery solving.
"I think that settles it!" Sweetie crowed.
"Yep!" Applebloom agreed.
"Cutie Mark Crusader mystery solvers YAY!"
After their compulsory cheer, they got down to business.
"So what kind of mysteries do ya think we can solve tonight?" Applebloom asked, putting away Spike's comics.
"That's part of the fun! We have to find a mystery, then solve it!" Scoots replied, rooting around for her 'detective hat' her father had given her a few weeks back after he had gotten a new one. The old fedora gave her the look and feel of being a real noir detective.
Sweetie Belle found the notepad they'd used when they had been reporters for the school paper, and Applebloom happened to have a toy police badge in her saddle bag.
"So where should we start looking for a mystery?" Scootaloo asked, looking to her equally unsure pals.
"Ah know!" Applebloom said, raising her hoof, "Let's ask Applejack, Ah bet she'd got some mysteries that need solvin'!"
With her friends' agreement, they set off toward the farmhouse in the twilight hours of the evening.
"Well hey there girls," Applejack greeted, wiping the sweat from her brow having just come in from the fields, "What brings ya back from your clubhouse? Supper won't be ready for another few minutes or so."
"We're gonna earn our detective cutie marks!" Applebloom announced proudly.
"Do you have a mystery we can solve, Applejack?" Sweetie asked.
AJ smiled, always glad to help her sister and her little friends on their seemingly never ending quests.
"Well sure, Ah think Ah've got a mystery for y'all."
The three fillies eyes brightened with excitement as they waited on pins and needles to hear their first assignment.
"Somepony's been leaving the barn door open after Ah close it for the night. Ah want y'all ta find out who," she said seriously, to add a bit of meaning to an otherwise trivial mystery.
"You can count on us!" the crusaders shouted in unison, saluting their boss and heading toward the barn.
Once there, they spread out, searching for clues.
"What exactly are we looking for?" Sweetie asked.
"Clues, duh!" Scootaloo shot back, burying her head in a pile of hay.
"I know that, but what specifically?"
"Hey, yeah. What makes a clue, a clue?" Applebloom asked, her curiosity now piqued as well.
"Uhm... I'm not sure," Scotaloo replied, now trying to think of a valid reason herself.
"Girls!" Applejack called from the porch, "Supper's ready!'
Their rumbling stomachs demanded they abandon their search and high-tail it to the house for dinner. After a filling meal, the crusaders followed Applejack to the barn.
"Alright girls, if ya want to catch our barn door opener, y'all can sleep in th' hay loft and wait for whoever or whatever it is tonight," Applejack explained, "Now go on and get your things from outta the clubhouse."
The three fillies ran as fast as they could go to retrieve their belongings as Granny Smith hobbled out from the house to where her granddaughter stood.
"You're gonna let them fillies stay out in th' barn by themselves when we got a trespasser on th' loose?" she asked sternly.
"Ain't no trespasser Granny, the breeze blows the barn doors open at night if Ah don't tie a rope around the handles," AJ explained, to her grandmother's relief, "They'll be fine, and maybe they'll earn their cutie marks while they're at it."
The eldest Apple nodded contently. "Seen your brother this evenin'? It ain't like him ta miss supper."
"He always comes in late on Thursdays granny, you know that," AJ sighed. Her grandmother's memory seemed to be getting worse as the years wore on. "What do ya think he does out there?"
"Well, you know your brother. He's always been the reflective type," Granny yawned, heading inside to get ready for bed.
Applejack spotted the dust cloud the fillies were kicking up on their way back down the old country lane with their sleeping bags.
"All right, in ya go," Applejack smiled, remembering the times she and her brother would have camp outs in the barn when her mom and dad were still around. It was practically the only time she could get Macintosh to say more than a few words.
"Ah got ya some lanterns for light, and Ah put a few snacks in there in case ya get hungry. Ah'll be back tomorrow ta see if ya figured out the mystery."
"Don't worry, we'll have it solved before we go to sleep!" Scootaloo assured.
"Alright then, G'night girls."
"Goodnight Applejack!" they answered in unison.
"Okay fillies, let's get in that hay loft and wait for our perp!"
They quickly climbed the ramp and settled their sleeping bags down for the night. While they waited on the intruder, they decided to tell ghost stories.
After a few giggles and scares, they found themselves struggling to keep their eyes open.
"Hey Applebloom, how come your brother wasn't at dinner?" Sweetie asked midway through a yawn.
"Ah dunno, he always stays out in the fields late on Thursdays. Ah asked him once, and he said he was just reflectin' on th' day's events," she said in her best imitation of her big brother's voice. It earned a few chuckles, but soon the crusaders were in danger of meeting the sandpony's embrace.
As if on cue, the rusty hinges of the barn door began to creak open, immediately shooting adrenaline through the little fillies bodies. They quietly crept to the edge of the loft, looking down over the front of the barn. They recognized the large shadowy figure as Big Macintosh, returning from the fields. A soft, yet audible sigh left their lips as they solved their mystery.
"Darn, Ah was hopin' it'd be somethin' more exciting than Macintosh," Applebloom sighed, as Sweetie and Scootaloo nodded in agreement.
"Well, I guess we solved our—" Scootaloo paused as she noticed Mac leaving the barn with a machete and full set of saddle bags. "Wait, where's your brother going?" she asked as the other crusaders gathered near her to watch.
Macintosh began walking back towards the fields in the dark, instead of in the house.
Scootaloo smiled "Well detectives, looks like we've got another mystery to solve!"
"A-are you sure we should be followin' Mac?" Applebloom cautioned.
"Of course we should! We're detectives! Now let's go detect!" Sweetie Belle assured her as the three fillies crept quietly down the ramp and followed where the large stallion had gone.
His massive hoofprints weren't hard to follow, as the three fillies traipsed after him, careful not to let him know they were in pursuit.
They soon caught up to him, and carefully tracked their target as he went further into the orchards than any of them had gone before. In fact, he continued past their property line and into the uncut wilderness of the Whitetail woods surrounding the farm.
Carefully, the crusaders made their way into the woods where Mac had gone, noting a small cabin in a clearing just up ahead. The moon was crescent in the sky, so the area was somewhat dark, a cloud covering the moon's light only adding to the darkness. They could make out Mac's shadow in front of the cottage. They dared not get any closer than they were, but watched as Mac opened the door to the old home, leaving it ajar as he fetched something from inside.
Applebloom frowned as they approached the cottage. A faint sound was drifting through the open door… moaning? Who was moaning in there? The rustle of the wind through the trees carried the eerie sound with it, as a few thumps echoed from the confines of the cabin.
"What do ya think he's doin' out here?" Applebloom whispered.
"How should we know?" Scootaloo answered in just as hushed a tone, "He's your brother!"
Sweetie Belle shushed them both as she noticed Mac reappear, dragging something in a large sack out of the cabin. The clouds hiding the moon slowly moved away, revealing a red substance splattered all over Mac's chest and neck, as well as the same stuff leaking from the large sack he'd just brought from inside the house.
The crusaders gasped in horror as Mac took his machete and began furiously hacking the contents of the sack to pieces. Blood appeared to spray from within the sack, coating more of the large stallion before he finally ran out of steam, and stuck the machete in the ground to catch his breath.
The crusaders were speechless. Mac had just hacked some poor creature to pieces right in front of them! What in Celestia's name were they supposed to do now?
The continued to watch in stunned silence as Mac dragged the object of his anger to a pit he'd dug beside the cabin. To their horror, they noticed this was not the only grave on the property. With a loud thud, the sack and its victim met their resting place. Macintosh began using his hind legs to fill in the dirt, and before long, the shallow grave was finished.
Applebloom whimpered, tears streaming down her face as the silence of the wind made her sniffle that much louder. Mac turned in their direction, as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo both put their hooves over Applebloom's mouth to stifle her cries.
"Applebloom! He'll kill us all if he knows what we saw!" Scoots whispered as quietly as possible once the wind had picked back up.
"We need to get out of here!" Sweetie Belle insisted.
"Just what in tarnation are y'all doin' out here?"
The three fillies faces drained of all color as they slowly turned around to see Big Mac standing in front of them, blood smeared all over his chest and neck, not looking too happy to see them.
They screamed as they dashed back toward the farmhouse, Macintosh calling after them to wait, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
"How could you not know you're brother's a psychopath, Applebloom?" Sweetie Belle shouted as they tore down the trail.
"He ain't! Ah mean... how do you know for sure that—"
"We just saw him murder somepony, and there was more than one mound outside that cabin! You're brother's a serial killer!" Scootaloo panted as the safety of the farmhouse came into view.
The three fillies burst through the front door, and ran straight to their only sanctuary: Applejack's room.
"What in blue blazes!?" Applejack snapped, her sister and her friends crashed into her room, nearly giving her a heart attack.
"What the hay are y'all doin' in here?" she asked, none too happy about being woken up so rudely in the middle of the night.
"Wefollowedbigmacintoshandwesawhimatthiscabinandhekilledsomepony!"
"Whoa there, slow down," Applejack insisted, "Now what's got you all worked up?"
"Big Mac's a serial killer!" they said in unison.
Applejack laughed, "You silly fillies sure know how to make a girl laugh after wakin' her up at three in the mornin'."
"But we saw him kill somepony!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"He was covered in blood!" Applebloom cried.
"His murder shack is out in the orchard!" Sweetie Belle completed.
Applejack's expression got a bit more serious.
"Didn't y'all learn nothin' from bein' news reporters about makin' up stories?"
"We didn't make it up!" Scootaloo contested.
"We'll take you to where we saw everything!" Sweetie Belle pled.
Applejack turned to her quiet younger sister. "Applebloom, you promise me you saw what you think you saw?"
She turned to her with tears in her eyes. "Yes..."
Applejack was still not convinced, but if it would put these filly's minds at ease, she'd go take a look.
"Alright, show me where his 'murder shed' is," she groaned, grabbing her hat from her bedpost and trotting down the stairs and out the door into the darkness of the night.
Within a few minutes, they were at the edge of the orchards where they followed Mac into the woods; the trail he had used still plainly visible.
"Now what would Macintosh be doin' in a on the Top's land?" AJ wondered aloud as Scootaloo was more than happy to provide an explanation.
"Murdering ponies!"
"Now hush with that talk! My brother ain't a serial killer, and Ah'll prove it," she snapped, though she still had no idea what to expect. They walked slowly through the brush until they came to the same cabin, the lights from inside illuminating the window.
The crusaders stayed put in the yard while Applejack cautiously climbed the stairs to the old creaky porch. The floorboards were slick with what looked like blood. The farm pony swallowed hard, gathering her courage and pushing on the door. It creaked open, revealing Macintosh standing in front of a high table, more of the same red substance oozing from it. For a brief moment, AJ recoiled in terror, only to realize what was actually going on.
"Girls, will you come here for a minute?" she called, her voice way more calm than the crusaders would have suspected for someone who had just set eyes upon a den of horrors. They treaded lightly as they climbed the steps and joined AJ, seeing Macintosh standing in the cabin still covered in the same substance.
"Mac, what in tarnation are you doin' out here?" Applejack asked, startling her brother, who hadn't even heard her come in. He looked disheartened as he answered.
"Well, Ah'm workin' on a present for Granny's birthday."
"Out here in the woods?" she asked skeptically.
"Eeyup, the Tops let me use their old cabin. Ah'm workin' on a new kind of fruit, Ah call it a Strapple. It's a cross between an apple and a strawberry. Ah can't quite seem ta get the taste right, and tryin' ta get strawberry seeds ain't exactly easy without gettin' a bit messy." he explained, motioning toward the odd looking plants sitting under a grow lamp in the room behind him, their strange fruits scattered about the cabin.
"But what about the sack you chopped to bits and buried in the yard?" Scootaloo asked, not about to let their big case be so easily explained.
"Well, there ain't no trash pickup out here, and Ah ain't one ta litter, so Ah bury my failed experiments. Ah suppose even Ah get frustrated every now and them, so Ah took it out on my sour plants," he answered.
"But we heard moaning coming from the cabin!" Sweetie Belle added.
"The chimney does that when the wind blows over top of it." he said, motioning to the fireplace, "Listen," he said as the breeze kicked in on cue, causing the exact same sound they'd heard earlier.
"Ah knew you weren't a murderer, Mac!" Applebloom said happily, hugging her big brother, and getting some of the red stuff on her own coat. He gratefully returned her hug.
"Well, how come you didn't tell me about this?" Applejack asked.
"'Cause you always end up gettin' Granny somethin' great, and Ah just end up signing my name on your card cuz Ah'm too busy with the farm ta get her a proper present. Ah just wanted ta get her somethin' just as great this year."
Applejack smiled, "Well mystery solved, crusaders!"
Each looked to their flanks expectantly, only to be let down yet again.
"We're never gonna get our cutie marks!" Applebloom lamented.
"Now now, that's enough of that, how bout we head back to th' house and we get a bit of apple ice cream before we head back to bed?"
"Cutie Mark Crusaders ice cream eaters, YAY!"
"Ah'll be back home in a minute, see y'all there," Mac called as they left the old cabin to head back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Once they were gone, Mac shut the cabin door.
"Mac sure wasn't kiddin' about needin' ta fix the taste of those Strapples, that juice he had on him tasted gross, kinda like when Ah bit my tongue that time Ah fell off Scootaloo's scooter." Applebloom said with a mouthful of ice cream.
"Yeah, but if anypony can get it right, it's your brother." Applejack added, finishing her bowl, "Now as soon as y'all are done, go ta bed, understand?"
"Okay," they sighed as AJ retired to her room.
Macintosh sighed in relief. That was quite the conclusion his littlest sister had jumped to! Looked toward the back of the one room cabin, and removed a throw rug. Beneath it, lay the door to the cellar. He opened it, and gently trotted down the worn wooden steps to the darkened room, carrying a lantern with him.
He hung the lantern on a post and turned to a table, where his machete, and various other farm implements lay, covered in the same red stuff he had been covered in. He ran his eyes over each tool, having already used most of them tonight. Scythe, sickle, hammer, hatchet... so many possibilities!
He turned to the unicorn tied to another table across the room with his gentle, country smile. A gag was in his victim's mouth as he stepped closer, the muffled cries doing nothing to stop his advance.
"Your brother almost got me caught with all that howlin' he was doin', Flim."
"Ah can't have that, now can Ah?" he said, turning back to his table of tools. "Ah told y'all ta stay out of th' cider business, but ya just wouldn't listen," he drawled, carefully eyeing each device, "And now it's come ta this."
"Flam wasn't very cooperative," Mac said, turning back to his victim with his tool of choice; the machete. "Looks like you'll be payin' for his mistake. Now ain't that just the worst bit a rotten luck?" he asked, Flim merely moaned in terror.
"Now, now, don't you fret none," he chuckled, before taking a few practice swings with his weapon, "You'll be out there in the yard with him soon enough."
END
