I Can't Take This

by LusitaniaTheBunny

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Sad, Princess Luna, Suicide / Self Harm, Princess Celestia, Tragedy
Length: 2372

Everybody thinks they know everything about Luna. Well, they are wrong. Luna had a dark secret nopony can know.

Luna feels depressed after being on the moon for so long. She is going crazy. Crazy enough to consider ending it all.

Published 2017-09-25 05:20:13 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-25 05:20:13 UTC

Tia

"Tia?"

"Yes Luna?"

"I am sad."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I know I should feel happy because I am off the moon but I am not."

"Don't worry Luna. You will never turn into NMM ever again," Celestia assured.

Luna guessed that NMM stood for Nightmare Moon. It wasn't that that was bothering her, though.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Luna, I am quite sure!",Celestia half snapped at her.

"Bye?"Luna said awkwardly, as if she was talking to a stranger.

Celestia didn't reply.

_______________FlashBack________________

"What do we do?" asked Celestia in alarm. "Mom and Dad will kill you!"

"You too", Luna added, even though she knew what was coming next.

Celestia and Luna were arguing over a sapphire ring with gold and diamonds. It acutually belonged to Luna but Celestia wouldn't agree. It wasn't really Celestias fault as she had one that looked exactly like Luna's, since they were twins. It ended when Celestia shoved Luna and made her fall back kicking the sapphire ring and smashing it to pieces.

"Oh will they now?" asked Celestia with a smug grin on her face." Here they come."

Indeed, King Artemis and Queen Amethyst walked in.

"Luna threw the ring deliberately on the ground ad now it is smashed, see!",cried Celestia in fake horror that the King and Queen instantly believed.

Luna braced herself for a punishment and scolding. Unfortunately Luna was correct and she got a 10-minute lecture about responsibilities and all that boring stuff. Celestia watched this with amusement as her sister was told she was grounded for 2 weeks.

--- End Flashback---

Luna cried. Why was she stuck in a stupid world where she knew no-one?

Tired

Luna was tired. Tired of being unappreciated. Tire of her loveless miserable existance. She needed an end. An end. Perfect.

But how? She could use a knife, but that was too bloody. She could use fire bit that would smell disgusting. She could suffocate herself, but that was just plain weird. That meant her only option was pills

Pills. They would work. They'd have to.

The next day Luna set out on a journey. To get her supplies. On her way out, she bumped into a maid.

"Ow!!! Watch where you're going you nitwit" the maid said. Luna stung at this, but it was making the decision easier. She set off once again with a smile upon her face. Not much longer. She'd choose a date on the way to the chemists. She had faked a prescription for some random pill which was deadly if taken too much. Luna knew a lot about prescriptions because she had been part of a hospital when she was younger.

As she walked in, she realised that no one was there at the counter. She resolved to wait it out. Her patience was rewarded as someone came over and asked "How are you doing and what's your name?"

Luna almost gasped. This person didn't know her. She really was a shadow. But Luna didn't show her surprise. She simply smiled and said "Im fine thank you," as she handed over her prescription.

The pony went for a few minutes but returned carrying a bag.

"That was quick!" Luna stated in surprise.

"Thank you and be careful not to overdose these", the pony replied with a smile.
As Luna handed over the bits she said "bye".

At least she didn't lie.

Luna was really annoyed. Tomorrow was the Summer Sun Celebration. Luna didn't have a single Celebration. Well, she had one before. Dreamers Eve. Only about 20 ponies came each year. Luna didn't care. It was the fun of raising the moon an hour early. Sure, Celestia raised the sun four hours early but it was OK. Sure for the entire summer and spring the sun was up longer but the moon got more time in winter and autumn. But not anymore. She would end it tomorrow. That stupid price of rock didn't matter anymore to her. She couldn't find pride in her work anymore.

Early on the morning Luna got up and had breakfast. The Summer Sun Celebration. Too many people. Luna would hole up in her room. Until tomorrow.

Fail

"Why didn't you come?"

"No pony noticed"

"I come to your damn celebrations"

"I don't have any"

"That's no excuse!"

"Get out! You have no right to invade on my privacy!" yelled Luna, her calmness quickly melting away into anger.

"FINE! BE THAT WAY!" screamed Celestial, eyes blazing

"Good evening to you too, Celestia," said Luna spitefully and sarcastically.

---2 hours later---

As Luna was just about to eat the pills, she heard a thud thud thud. She quickly tried to hide but it was too late. Celestia saw, and boy did she explode.

"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!", screamed Celestia.

"I do, but..."

"How could you do this to me?"

Luna hated how Celestia was only talking about herself. Nothing about Luna. How she didn't matter. Luna tried desperately to run away but panic stopped her from getting far away from Celestial, instead she fell over and blacked out.

When she woke up, she opened her eyes to a hospital. She quickly resolved to lie. She didn't know anything about this attempted suicide and Luna would say her mind felt free and open. She'd act happy and then strike, in the middle of the night, when everyone was busy shunning her.

"Ugggh. Where is this?" she said groggily.

"Right team, she's awake. Go and inform the princess", she heard one voice say.

"On it", said another.

"Ok Luna are you alright?"

Luna barfed mentally. Nobody dared to call Celestia just Celestia, they all called her Princess Celestia or The Princess or Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia.

She was just Luna. Well, Lunaria. A disgusting name. It wasn't even remotely royal. But it was only stupid because it was her name.

"I'm ok", she replied with a small smile.

"The princess will be here any minute", said another voice.

"Luna! Luna! Are you Ok?", asked Celestia in fake concern.

With a bow, the mare beside her said "Yes Your Royal Highness Princess Celestia it's ok"

It. It. Luna didn't have a name.

"Thank Faust you're ok. You might need a few wing lessons", Celestia chuckled.

"I know. I missed you sis"

"Luna how do you feel? Do you hurt or are you feeling empty or sad or or or..."

"Acutually I feel free. Clear. Like somethings gone which I want to be gone."

"That's great Luna! Now about the pills..."

"What pills?"

"Don't lie," said Celestia, raising her eyebrows.

"Fine, fine, fine. We'll talk about this back at the castle?"

"No, we'll send these ponies away. I wanna talk right now," waving a good at the other ponies, indicating they had to leave.

"Ok, well, you see..." Luna couldn't find the words to continue.

"It's OK, I get it that it was a spur of the moment thing. I get that sometimes you feel sad, even depressed. But remember, I'm here for you. You can talk to me right in the middle of court. I won't mind."

"Thanks," said Luna.

"You are going home tomorrow. The doctors just want to check that your wing doesn't fall out of its socket or something crazy like that."

"I love you sis"

"I love you too, Luna"

They were both lying.

Running

Luna stood at the edge of the balcony, just about to step off, as Celestia rushed beside her.

"I shouldn't have trusted you," cried Celestia, bumping into Luna. "Don't you dare jump off."

Luna fell off. She mouthed two words at Celestia. "Thank you"

Luna hit the ground.

"No!" screamed Celestia, tears gushing down her cheeks. But Luna was alive. It pained Luna to see her sister care so much, even though she knew Celestia was too busy to really care about her. Every once in a while Celestia would remember her and cry, but she had Twilight. Luna had to stick to her plan.

Luna scrambled to her hooves.

"Bye", Luna said and with that she was of, flying. Celestia shot out behind her, but it was hard work because Luna twisted here, did a backflip there, and went in a confusing pattern through clouds.

"I got my alicorn status for running away!" Luna called.

"I caught you!"

"Only because I stopped. I was really proud. I thought I could be a real little sister and do fun stuff with you. I thought we could practice spells and buck trees when you got your alicorn status. I thought I could finally be more than that stupid one winged Pegasus that always showed you up. But no! I still wasn't good enough for the high and mighty Queen Celestia!!!" Luna yelled, as she made the fourth sonic rainboom ever, and the second one done by Luna.

Celestia stopped foolishly, mouth agape, as she watched her sister fly far away. She was never coming home. Her little sister was running away!

"She'll come back when she needs me", Celestia thought.

"I'm going back" Luna said out loud."Just not right now".

__________Few Days Later_____________

"Hey sister, I've come home".

Celestia looked around to see her sister standing there in a protection bubble.

"I haven't told anyone! You were just on holiday with a friend. And now you've come home! I didn't change anything! Promise me you aren't gonna leave again", Celestia whispered excitedly.

"OK I'm not leaving again. I just needed time to cool down. Just give me my room back and come with me when I'm registering for college", said Luna calmly, smiling slightly.

"Sure! Any thing if you stay Luna!" Celestial was beside herself with relief and happiness.

"Ok then"

The Note

The next day, Celestia stared at the dead body of Luna. Then, she saw a note on her bed, and a diary.

"I'll read them and see if she had any last requests," Celestia thought.

The page was very wet and Celestia tears added to it. She dried her tears. She didn't want to smudge the already smudged writing.

Dear her majesty Queen Celestia,

I hate you. You had everything. Princess Celestia, who had everything handed to her on a silver platter.

Do you know how hard it was to get my alicorn ascension? I was a Pegasus. A one winged, dirty Pegasus who was so useless not even her mom liked her. I can't believe you sent me to the moon and then when I got home I was expected to act like nothing ever happened. All I wanted was a bit of recognition and some love. But no. Just the hated useless stupid Luna who couldn't fly to save her life. You just watched me fall out of that tree and you didn't call someone when my wing ripped off. I had to scream at you.

Do you know how hard it was on the moon? No food, no water, no air no nothing. Just hell. And it made it worse that it was you who sent me there.Not even her own sister could love the useless, stupid, hated Luna.

Do you know how it felt getting blasted by the elements? If I had decided to stay on in your perfect world I'd know at least one thing. I will never fall and get hurt when you try to put me down if I am destroying something. Remember how you stopped me?
"You don't mean anything to me. You never did."
So I dropped. You blasted me. I was back to Luna. Then, you sent me to the moon.

Do you know what it was like having to fake your own cutie mark? I really wanted to be part of the royal household. I spent so long studying cutie mark magic. Then, I had to experiment. All while you basked in your glory and mom and dad loved you to bits. I can't love you, I can't like you, I can't forgive you. And, I'm not sorry. Sure, I shouldn't have put the sun out for what, less than five minutes? But that certainly didn't call for being banished to the moon for 1000 years with no nothing.

My thoughts are really random, aren't they? All messed up and no order. So Discord would have liked it. Well, acutually, he didn't like sad things, did he? But it's not like you would know that? Ok, Discord did deserve a punishment, for wrecking all sense of harmony, but nobody ever got hurt. He threw away diseases like a ball. No wars. No famines. No droughts. And what he said was right. He doesn't turn ponies into stone. But you do.

I ran around for years, breaking ponies out of stone left and right, and, dare I remind you, it was you who put them in there. erased their memories because no-one can live with memories like that and they forgot me, what I did for them, and instead remember we you, and thought you the most wonderful pony ever.

I suppose I shouldn't really hate you. You are my sister. And t wasn't all your fault, though. It was the mortal ponies. They hated me. So I hate them too, and I'm glad they're all in their graves.

So, I suppose this ends my final words. Let's see final words. Well, what did Discord say? And Sombra? And I can't forget Queen Chrysalis. It was no wasnt it? OK then, no it is.

Someday, you'll forget about me. But someday, when you eventually die, believe me it's going to be painful. Acutally, no, it won't. I'm not a monster.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Celestia cried. She had changed, she didn't turn ponies into stone anymore and she did love Luna. She just didn't show it.

"Monster"

Celestia's blood froze. She hadn't realised she was reading aloud. Twilight knew her worst secret. She was going to hate her forever.

A few seconds later, Twilight ran as fast as she could away from Celestia sobbing noisily.

Author's Note

I know this isnt up to my usual standard if I had one, but altogether I'm not too proud of it. But I'm to lazy to change it. I hope the sequel is somewhat better.