Two Unicorns Walk Into a Village
Disclaimer: (Not a Discord, that's a different character) No ponies were harmed in the making of this story. In the event any ponies were harmed, it was because they were asking for it. All rights reserved by Hasbro. The ponies in this story are not representative of any persons or ponies, fictional, living, or dead. Particularly not the dead ones, because yech, that would be yucky. Disclaimers may be closer than they appear in mirrors. In the event of reading a fanfic that takes more than four hours, consult a proofreader. Caution: No Clop. Really. Heck, we don't even have kissing. And the special effects budget for this story was cut to the bone, so there will not be any giant explosions, Alien Space Weasel invasions, dragons (well, ok, one small one, but he's on union scale), or Princesses. What, you say you like Princesses? Well, ok, we'll throw in a couple. But no banana jokes. Oh wait, it's started. Let me get out of the way…
The path from the Everfree Forest to Ponyville was not exactly a heavily traveled road. The much safer bypass that only added an hour to the trip from Canterlot was a much more popular route, and never lacked for traffic. Only on the rarest of occasions would travelers who who were either too foolish or in too much of a hurry for their own good decide to take the dangerous shorter road through the mysterious woods. On this beautiful and sunny spring day, the grassy path was host to a mismatched pair of unicorns walking out of the forest, one towing a cart.
Oldest of the two and pulling the cart was a grizzled grey stallion with a brown vest and darker mane trailing back to a smudged cutie mark that was indistinct, as if it had both smeared in the past and faded in the sun like the rest of him. His horn was rather blunt, showing signs it had broken at least once and failed to completely heal, but casually camouflaged by a floppy brown hat: the official uniform for the Royal Equestrian Courier Service. Although an official hat should have been less floppy. And with fewer holes. And perhaps a few stitches that were not in danger of breaking. And some stuffing still inside.
The younger appearing of the two was a glossy black mare with a paler indigo blaze around the base of her horn, and a midnight-black mane tied up in a series of white ribbons all the way to her back. At that point the ribbons stopped, both because of lack of mane, and because of the large out-of-place support bandage that wrapped all the way around her torso. The cutie mark of a burning bonfire peeked around the edge of the support bandage, and a series of white ribbons continued all the way down her silky black tail, ending only when there was not enough hair to tie. She squinted in the bright light as they walked, and could barely keep on the road, which was probably less due to the bright daylight and more due to trying to look every direction at once.
“That was different,” she proclaimed, trying to enunciate past a large, brightly-colored lollipop. With a slurping noise, she shifted it to the other side of her mouth and continued, “I’ve met Zebras before, but never quite so — Zebra. Courier Zircon, how in the world did you wind up with a package from Canterlot to her, of all ponies?”
The older unicorn chuckled and pushed his hat back a bit before leaning into the traces of the cart. “Miss Blaze, sometimes in this business it’s best not to ask too many questions. But in this case, it is most true, there are but simple reasons two. There are ponyfolk in Canterlot it is said, wish the Zebras were all quite, um, passed on. Sorry. She kind of soaks into you after a bit of exposure.” The older grey pony sighed. “Anyway, some of the high muckity-mucks think an Equestria without Zebras would be a good thing. And wherever there is one fool pony in Canterlot who supports an idea—”
“There are twelve who oppose it,” continued the younger unicorn with an annoyed flick of her tail, as if she were determined to detach the half-dozen ribbons firmly tied in it.
“And twenty who think they can make bits off it. And in this case, a certain pro-Zebra friend of Princess Celestia contacted me to transport three crates of Equestria’s finest herbs to the mysterious Zebra mare in the Everfree Forest as a gift from them. They hope the deal may result in a number of cures for certain troublesome ailments when it matures.” He shrugged. “If the gift results in woe or weal, you cannot tell when with a Zebra you deal.”
Blaze grinned impishly. “A gift given with no need of return is one a Zebra would not spurn. Perhaps there will be reward in their generosity, if they can tolerate her verbosity.”
The old Courier brushed a dusty hoof through his grey coat and looked at it askance, as if he were turning into a zebra. “Ah, of Zebra knowledge you do not theorize, an aspect of your personality I did not realize. Now stop, please stop! I do declare! I cannot take this rhyming mare! Rhyme too much and you beware, stripes will grow within your hair.”
Blaze scoffed and bumped Zircon’s hat with one dusty hoof. “Rhymes grow stripes? An old mares tale ‘tis said. Oh, is that a stripe upon your head?”
The Royal Courier chuckled as he continued to trot down the path, his jaw set in concentration. “Of experience and brains you do not lack, for this job which also strains your back.”
“I’m just accompanying you on your deliveries today, for a short time only, with you I shall stay.” chuckled the black mare. “But I can see why you would select this career. Besides the opportunity to make bad puns. It is your talent. Finding where things need to go.” Blaze eyed the blurred lines on his flank. “Although what a smudge has to do with that—”
“It’s not exactly ‘finding’ where things need to go. And it’s not a smudge.” He shifted position to show off his cutie mark, and then moved back and forth. With each motion, the cutie mark seemed to change and twist into different blurry symbols. “Illusion. It’s not perfect, but I can make myself or a nearby pony close look like something else.” He sighed as they walked. “When I was a colt, I thought it would be forever before I got my mark. Everypony else in school had theirs, even those a year or more behind me. I finally got so frustrated, I drew my own. Oh, that worked well.”
Zircon rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. “I was absolutely filled with the determination of youth! Every time the old scribble was washed off, I drew a new one, thinking if I did it enough, one would stick. Every day I would go to school and the other colts would make fun of me. I started to just want nopony to pay any attention to me. And then one day it happened. Nopony made fun of me, nopony tried to trip me in the playground, and fillies who never would give me the time of day before were coming up to me and asking my advice.”
“Ah. You were perceived as you wanted them to perceive you. They saw you as a trusted friend.”
“And my parents saw a loving child, and my teachers saw a studious student, and the fillies in school saw — well, what I wanted them to see.” He shook his head so his greying mane seemed to dance with laughter in the sun. “I was such a spoiled brat when I was young.” He shrugged the cart harness into a more comfortable position. “I’m just glad that I finally decided to grow into what I needed to become, instead of remaining a child forever.”
A look of frustration crossed Blaze’s face, turned into perplexion, and stayed for a while. “Back at the castle, I was looking for…”
The elderly grey pony shrugged and tilted his floppy hat forward to shade his eyes from the sun. “I don’t know. I never see exactly what others see. Once Princess Celestia gave me my assignment, I decided to see what else needed delivered to my old home town. Little bit of horn concentration and I looked like somepony you would want to talk to if you had something that needed to go to Ponyville, whatever that looks like.
“I always fill up my cart, but sometimes it can be a little strange.” He eyed his traveling companion. "Today, more than average."
* * *
"Ah, and here is the original reason for our trip.” The grey unicorn gestured with a hoof at a small cottage at the edge of the forest where the sounds of birdsong and scampering animals filled the air. Carefully setting the brake, he eased out from under the cart’s traces and knocked lightly on the door.
“Miss Fluttershy? It’s Courier Zircon from the Royal Equestrian Courier Service, with a delivery for you.”
A faint, muffled voice responded, “I didn’t order anything, it must be a mistake. Go away. If you want to, that is.”
“The Service does not make mistakes, Ma’am. It’s special delivery, from the Princess herself.”
The door opened a tiny crack, and the faintest bit of pink and yellow showed. “Oh, its you. She’s not mad at me, is she? I messed up her party, and frightened all of her animals. She’s probably furious.”
“No. I assure you, she’s not angry at you. But she sent—”
“I didn’t mean to, really. I wrote her a nice apology letter, and one to each one of the animals, but I’ve been too afraid to mail them.”
“No, thats fine. She sent—”
“When I was modeling, some of the ponies used to say things were just fine, when what they really meant was I goofed something up again.”
“Really she—”
“So I can understand if she’s really mad even though she wouldn’t say so because she's so nice, it’s fine—”
“She sent you some eggs!” There was a faint “Eeep!” and the door slammed shut, leaving Zircon to facehoof. He glanced over his shoulder at where the young black unicorn was attempting unsuccessfully to stifle a case of the giggles. “Not one word, young lady.”
Blaze sat down on her haunches in the road, made a cross across her chest with one hoof, and drew it across her mouth like a zipper, although the faint sound of giggling could still be heard.
He tapped on the door again, very gently. “Miss Fluttershy? After the Gala was over, and all of the animals were put back in the gardens, and everything was cleaned up, the gardeners found a few little eggs that we could not match up with a nest.”
The door opened a crack, and a gentle turquoise eye looked out. “Oh dear. The poor things.”
“Yes, Ma’am. They’re out in the cart now, under a heating pad. If you like—” A pink and yellow blur flashed past him and turned into a rather hesitant yellow pegasus with a brilliantly pink Merriwether mane hovering over the cart. “That is, if you don’t mind sir?”
A few minutes later the errant eggs were carefully deposited under a chicken in the henhouse, and Fluttershy was apologizing to the bird for the inconvenience.
“…and I know it may be a little crowded under there, but it would mean so much to me and to the Princess if you could keep them warm, just until they hatch…”
“So Blaze,” continued Zircon as they walked down the road again. “What do you think so far?”
The young black unicorn seemed lost in thought while she walked. Even the lollipop stick quit moving. “I thought she would be more frightening.”
“Frightening?” Zircon flicked one ear backwards. “Fluttershy? Really?”
“Well…” Blaze paused to look back. “She is one of the Elements of Harmony, who defeated Nightmare Moon and took away her dark powers. There have been all sorts of rumors around Canterlot about the Bearers of the Elements.”
“Really?” The old stallion perked up and let the wagon coast to a stop. “Like what?”
The ebon mare seemed to blush a redder shade of black, to the point of looking indigo momentarily. “You know we are not very social. I only know of what I overhear or read in the papers. And my sister claims it is slander most foul, a great deal of empty-headed prattle. Of course the events of last night will only fan the flames.”
She paused to shift the lollipop to the other cheek. “I thought it rather unlikely that the Element of Kindness was as meek as I was told, and the events of last night simply verified my suspicions. I understand it was her who caused the animals of the Royal Gardens to stampede throughout the Gala, and make the most dramatic of messes and chaos. Why even the Third Grand Statue of Celestia The Peacemaker was fair broken in twain, and the Pillars of the Empire tossed asunder.”
“Oh. That.” The grey unicorn leaned into the cart traces and resumed his trek down the road. “I must admit I have heard a few rumours about what happened from the staff and some guests while I was assisting with the cleanup. And collecting creatures. But I am more worried about you.”
“Me?" The unicorn mare looked off into the woods with her lips set in a thin line. "There is nothing wrong with me.”
“You were not at the Grand Gala, although I am quite positive you were invited. The servants were all abuzz with creative rumours.”
“I had plans to attend, I truly did. But I was otherwise occupied during the event. With important matters.”
“And then immediately afterwards, you find an excuse to travel with a complete stranger, far away from the scene.”
The ebon unicorn tossed her mane and flicked an ear in annoyance. “The Royal Equestrian Courier Service are far from common strangers. They hold an unbroken record of honesty and reliability that is matched only by the Royal Guard.”
“Uh-huh. Then why—”
“Look out mister!” Three fillies came barreling down the road; one little pegasus on a scooter buzzing her wings as fast as she could to brake, and two others in the attached wagon, screaming. Both unicorns made a magical grab for the runaway fillies and nabbed them with a levitation spell inches before they struck the cart.
“What the—” When Blaze opened her mouth to talk, the lollipop fell. She made a quick magical grab for it and caught it right before it hit the ground, but only at the expense of keeping the fillies suspended. They landed with a thump in the dust and bounced up talking.
“Sorry about that mister, I don’t have brakes yet.”
“Oooo, miss, are you hurt? Maybe we can bandage you up and get our cutie marks that way?”
“You’re a courier? I thought only pegisuses were couriers?”
“Hey Scootaloo, you could be a courier! I bet you could get a cart going as fast as your scooter.”
“Stop!” shouted Zircon. In a flicker, all three fillies were lined up with sweet innocent smiles. “Shouldn’t you three be in school?”
“Well, we were but—”
“Applebloom forgot her lunch and—”
“Well, Scootaloo suggested we dash back to the farm and pick it up but—”
“Granny Smith made us sandwiches but—”
“We’re awfully close to being late and the bell is going to ring any—”
“Stop!” bellowed Zircon again with a firm, fatherly tone. Once the noise died down, he plucked a quill and some paper from the cart. “I’m going to write you a note. Now shush! Just an excuse for being late, but only a little late, so no wandering on the way back to school.” A few moments later, the three fillies were streaking down the road again, followed by a loud “And look out for traffic!”
Zircon sighed. “Kids today. Not like they used to be, back when we were young.”
There was a snort as Blaze almost swallowed her lollipop, then levitated it so she could speak without the obstruction. “Oh yes, aged and revered one. Children were once long ago such innocent and sweet creatures who listened to their elders, never spoke back, and obeyed…” She trailed off, looking into the distance before shaking her head with a pained grimace. They walked in silence for a short while until Blaze suddenly asked, “Do you have any children?”
“Yes indeed. Two fine stallions and one mare. All of whom write, and I visit when I’m in the neighborhood. The one in Detrot works as shift manager, and is raising two fine little colts. Also several assorted nieces and nephews ranging from adorably cute fillies to cute adults. I have pictures, if you like.”
“I have never had, nor shall ever have children,” she said bluntly. “It is perhaps for the best. My history with children is… mixed.”
Zircon looked back at where Blaze had stopped in the middle of the road, and waited until she began walking again before he spoke. “If we dwell far too much on our mistakes, and little if any on our triumphs and victories, the world becomes a dark and fearful place. For a number of years after my wife’s… departure, all I could think of was the dark. It would have been so easy to surrender.”
The black mare looked away from the sun at their mismatched shadows in the grass. “We understand.”
“But,” Zircon quickened his pace. “After the darkness, comes the dawn. It hurts at first. It was like having an old scab ripped off when my children finally dragged me out of the house. After a few weeks of their care, I put on the vest, picked up the hat, and went back to work. There are good ponies everywhere at this job. Perhaps you should consider becoming a Royal Courier. Well, on your free time. Help you see the light.”
A muffled grumbling was the only response he got.
* * *
“Here we go, my future apprentice,” chirped Zircon with a fake cheerfulness that annoyed his ‘assistant’ to no end. “Sweet Apple Acres. ‘Scuse me there miss, do you know where I can find—” He stopped and stared at the orange pony with a blonde ponytail who was pulling her own cart, heaped high with apples.
“Well, I’ll be darned. It really has been a long time since I’ve been back here in my official capacity. Applejack, how much you’ve grown!”
“Howdy there, Mister. You got a package for us? It ain’t no taxes, is it?” The pony tilted back her own hat and looked at the two couriers as if she were trying to estimate just what line on the tax forms had been added incorrectly.
“Applejack, you don’t remember me?”
“Nope, can’t say that I do. We don’t get many royal packages.”
“Well, I don’t blame you. You were awfully young when I delivered Princess Celestia’s congratulatory birthday letter for Applebloom that added her to the Apple Royal Land Grant. Oh! l’ll bet that was her back there in the wagon with her two friends, wasn’t it? With the big red bow?”
The orange earth pony glared back down the road. “It better not have been her and her little varmints skippin out from school unaccompanied over lunch, I tole them I don’t know how many times—”
“Calm down, foals will be foals. It’s not like she traveled all the way to Manehatten by herself. And back.”
“Manehatten? Well, she better not go galavanting across the country like…” She slowed to a stop and glared at Zircon. “How’d you know that about me?”
“Or like her big brother Mac, who decided he wanted to be a Royal Guard at about that same age and walked all the way to Canterlot. And back. Although he did pull my cart for a ways. That one I know firsthand instead of from the papers.”
“Mah brother never… Um… Did he?” She looked off in the distance where a huge red stallion was methodically pulling stumps out of a field.
“He never told you? Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to tell the press. One underage colt’s application to the Guard is probably buried too deep in the Celestial Archives to ever float to the surface in a tell-all book. I never would have thought about it twice if I hadn’t been the one who picked him up on the way into town back then. He sure is a talkative one.”
The orange pony’s brows narrowed, and she deliberately unhitched herself from the cart. “So how ya’ll know so much about mah family, Mister Royal deliveryguy?” The words were pleasant, but there was an undertone of potential menace that Zircon quickly took steps to calm.
“Zircon. Courier Zircon, that is. And my beautiful young assistant, Blaze.” The old grey unicorn blushed with embarrassment and quickly rummaged around in his cart while Blaze rolled her eyes.
“Miss Applejack, you have to know the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony have gotten a lot of press. There have been articles in Cosmarepolitan, Equine, The Cloppington Post, a few unauthorized biographies, and some… fiction of dubious quality.” A number of newspapers and magazines floated out encircled in a blue unicorn aura, one of which was snagged by the farm pony.
“Hey! Twilight never did none of this stuff! There’s a whole bunch of lies in here, and some of them not very nice at all. Ain't none of these ponies writing for this stuff ever been round these parts neither.”
“Well. No. Probably not. They seem to like it better that way.”
“Just don’t go showing none of that to Big Macintosh. I don’t think he’d take kindly to anybody saying these kind of things about… some of us.” The orange pony flushed a bright shade of red and stuffed the newspaper back into the cart. “So what’s the Princess sending a Royal Courier out this way for anyway? Ain't no Apple been born, and normally anything special the Princess wants to send here she just sends by way of Twilight.”
“Look out below!” A rainbow-streak of pony blurred down from the sky, rebounded off the applecart and cartwheeled down into the ditch with a splash. “Ouch!”
Applejack yelled, “Rainbow Dash! Yah hit mah waggon so often I’m thinking yer using it as a target! Now help me pick these up.”
The hyperactive blue pegasus was already scooping up loose apples and babbling as fast as she had been flying. “And I just knew this time I could do the inverted double spin with a half-roll recovery if it wasn’t for that downdraft but then I saw you talking to the delivery guy and it distracted me so I boffed the inversion that goes into the roll and what did the Princess send? Is it anything from the Gala?” She suddenly looked hesitant. "It isn't a bill, is it? I'm sure those statues can be glued together, good as new. Heh."
Zircon swept his hat off and bowed. “Hello, Miss Dash, my name is Courier Zircon. How fortunate for us that you dropped by. The Royal Equestrian Courier Service does not simply deliver items for the Princesses. Today I am on both a pickup and a delivery mission, and I have been specifically requested by a Wonderbolt at the Gala who recognized—”
“Ooo! Was it Soarin! Or Spitfire! Or—”
Applejack covered Rainbow Dash’s mouth and glared at her. “Hush up for a minute, let him talk.”
“Actually it was Soarin. When he heard I was going to Ponyville today, he insisted that I stop by and talk to a most delightful young and talented mare—”
The pegasus seemed to levitate straight up with her wings in a blur, despite Applejack hanging on for dear life. “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.”
“That he met at the Gala and see if she could possibly—”
Rainbow Dash dropped like a rock and hovered inches in front of Zircon’s nose, bouncing Applejack off the road. “Join the Wonderbolts? No, I have to try out first. No I have to be invited first. He sent an invitation? Oh, they know I exist, this is like so cool!!”
“Bake him some more pies.”
The hovering blue wings seemed to just freeze in place, and Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground with a soggy thud.
Applejack struggled to her hooves and regarded the passed-out pegasus with a smile. “Well, I’ll be. She fainted.” She eyed the grinning courier and his chuckling companion. “That would be cruel if it tweren’t so funny. So, pies?”
“Yep.” A bag of bits in a blue levitation aura floated out of the cart, followed by second small handful. “Six for Soarin and his crew and… two for us.” Zircon swept his hat off and bent in a bow to Blaze. “Lunch, is on me. Oh. I almost forgot. Miss Applejack, do you happen to have a jar of Zapapple Jam left?”
The farm pony suddenly quit counting her bits and tucked them away. “Well, Zapapple Jam is fierce popular. I’m not sure if Filthy Rich has any left at the store or not. But the season is coming up any day now, I bet you can get an order in with—”
“Applejack,” interrupted Zircon. “Allow me to introduce a young unicorn named Blaze from Canterlot who is observing me at work today. Blaze, the impulsive young pegasus on the ground is Rainbow Dash, and this young mare is Applejack, bearer of the Element of Honesty. Which you can tell because she evades the issue horribly."
“Hey! I’m not… That obvious, huh?” The farm pony looked embarrassed.
Blaze waved a hoof, and carefully extracted her lollipop before talking. “Pay this aged lout no mind. In my opinion, I would much rather talk to an honest pony than any number of good liars. But, I do have one question of you. What is this ‘Zapapple Jam’ of which you speak?”
“What?” Applejack’s eyes became as wide as saucers. “You’ve never tasted Zapapple Jam?”
* * *
In what seemed like only moments, the two of them were seated at the Apple family kitchen table, the smell of freshly baked bread filling the house, and the sound of a butter knife scratching futilely at the bottom of a glass jar coming from the pantry. “Jest a minute! Them darned kids got into the jam and just about ate it clean up. Here you go, deary.” A pair of thinly jammed slices of fresh bread were placed on the table by Granny Smith, and promptly levitated by both unicorns.
Blaze looked skeptically at Zircon who had taken a deep bite and was chewing blissfully, and then at the bread with the faint rainbow sheen of jam. Deciding there was nothing dangerous, she followed the courier’s example and bit down on the thick slice of bread with a satisfying crunch.
“So how’s Rainbow doin’ out there on the porch?”
Zircon paused his chewing to look out the window. “Miss Dash is still out, but she’s twitching a bit now. Oh, now she’s up. Your dog decided to clean up her face.”
“Winona! Heel. That’s not how you treat guests. Yech. That’s not how you treat me either. Um. Mr. Courier sir? Is your friend going to be OK?”
Zircon licked the last fragment of Zapapple off his lips and glanced over at the stationary ebon unicorn, practically frozen in place with a blissful far-off stare. The only motions visible were a slow but inevitable chewing as the last portion of bread continued to vanish. “Yep. I told you she never had Zapapple Jam before. Some ponies it just hits harder than others. I really want to be in the room when Princess Celestia gets her first taste.”
“Oh, I’m sure the Princess has had Zapapple Jam before. Shucks, everyone round here gets at least one jar every year. RD gets about a dozen.”
“Did somebody mention Zapapple Jam?” The perky pegasus poked her nose into the kitchen and sniffed. “I love that stuff! You got any more?”
“Nope, that was our last jar. All gone until the season starts again, but with Applebloom helpin’ Granny, we should get loads more this year.”
“Darn it. It never seems to last around my house more than a week. Mom could never keep it around the house either. Well, I gotta fly.” The pegasus turned in the doorway before being grabbed by the tail by a blue unicorn aura.
“Wait, Miss Dash! Just a moment please! I’m sorry about that, but I really do have a package for you out in the cart. Miss Applejack, when those pies are done, can you bring them into town? I expect to be tied up there at a party later this afternoon. Here are some more bits for delivery.”
Rainbow Dash followed Zircon back to the cart and hovered nervously while he rummaged through it, trying to keep an eye on the ebon unicorn mare that seemed to float down the stairs and bob along in their wake like a balloon. “You sure she’s gonna be all right? I mean that’s a pretty hefty reaction to Zapapple. I haven’t seen anything like it since Twilight got her first jar.”
“I see rainbows,” murmured Blaze, rebounding off the gatepost twice before making her way through the Sweet Apple Farms gate.
“See!”
“Oh relax, she’s fully in control of herself. See, she still has the lollipop.” Drifting alongside the unicorn was the well-worn sucker, down to stripes of yellow and green. “Mr. Mykops Mistical All-Day Suckers, A Wealth of Colors On A Stick. I keep a dozen or so in the cart for special occasions. They hardly stain your teeth at all. We made a bet, if she gets through it by the end of the day without biting — ahh, here we go.”
The grey unicorn levitated out a rather bulky package, with a scroll tied to it. “You are familiar with the Daring Do novels, I presu— Oh yes, I see you are. Well, the author has encountered a problem with her latest novel just short of publication next week. There are several rather involved flight scenes, and she just has not been able to… well… make them click. I understand your name came up during discussions, being the bearer of the Element of Loyalty that is, and If you would be willing to sign a nondisclosure agreement and provide a few paragraphs of guidance. Um.” Turning to Blaze, he asked, “Do you think that was a Yes, or a No?” They both looked straight up at a small receding technicolor dot in the sky who traced several spirals and loops with cheers and whoops of joy quite audible despite the distance.
The black unicorn waved the lollipop vaguely at the sky. “Element of Impulsiveness?”
“Loyalty.”
She nodded and returned the lollipop to her cheek. “The prank with the pies was a bit cruel. But, very good. I shall take note of it.”
“She loves a good prank. It was too good to pass up. Does it look like she’s coming down now?”
The dot spinning in the sky plunged to the ground to land in the same hoofprints she left on takeoff. “Yesyesyesyesyes! Gimmie!” The signature across the scroll was epic in size, shape, and a total absence of any resemblance to her own name, and moments later there was no trace of the rainbow pony or the draft book other than a technicolor streak off into the distance. Beside him, Blaze shifted the lollipop to the other the side of her mouth.
“I think we should have words with this Filthy Rich pony.” She stumbled, and removed the lollipop to examine it closely. “There is a certain taste about this which is surprisingly familiar now.”
“Yes, Mr. Mykops the Candymaker in town has a reservation of a half-dozen jars around Zapapple harvest time. It’s one of the ingredients in the All-Day Sucker. And no, I don’t think he has any jars left either,” he quickly continued before the ebon mare could interrupt.
“I see. We will speak of this later.”
Zircon nodded his head as he shrugged back into the harness. “As you wish.”
* * *
“Ahh, here we go young lady. Sugarcube Corner, and the most important delivery of the day. Or at least the most dangerous.”
Blaze’s brows narrowed as she deliberately removed the lollipop to gesture at the garishly decorated bakery. “The Pink One lives here, does she not?”
“Yep. You’ve met her before, I presume? Yes, I know, but socially?”
Slowly the lollipop returned to one cheek. “No.”
“Well, just… stay out here and I’ll go inside to get her like we discussed?” The grey courier took a deep breath for moral support before walking up the stairs and into the shop. Nearly a full minute passed while Blaze stood by the cart until suddenly a scream of “Zircon!” was heard from inside. Then a long series of words in what could be considered a conversation if there needed to be only one pony talking who seemingly did not need to inhale. Suddenly the voice screeched “It’s here! It’s here! It’s here!” and a pink streak of light shot out of the shop, only to impact solidly on the bubble of indigo unicorn magic around the cart. Zircon came out of the shop and cautiously approached the pink pony, who had seemingly glued herself to the magical bubble face-first and was attempting to pass through it by sheer willpower.
“Now, Miss Pie. Before I have you sign for the delivery and let you take ownership of the shipment, I need to have your attention.”
“So — fizzy! Just one bottle please please just one now I want to taste it I want to see if they got it right it’s not everyday you can come up with a watermelonkumquatpineapplepeachlemonlimemegasoda combination and I just wana! Please!” The pink pony turned around to Zircon with the biggest big-eyed sad pouty-face, complete with preliminary tears and trembling bottom lip, only to stop cold as she saw the grey courier in his new dark sunglasses.
“Cheater!”
“I was warned. Now are you going to listen to me, or am I taking the package back to Canterlot?”
“Fire away!”
“Please don’t use that word.” Zircon pushed his floppy hat back farther on his head and extracted a folder from the cart, which he opened with a snap. “I know it has been a long time since you put in your order, but Charlie’s Custom Colas and Candies has never failed to deliver, and takes their motto, ‘We can mix anything’ very seriously. From what I heard, they had to put a new lining in the #4 boiler at the Sodaworks before they could start mixing the second batch according to your instructions.”
“Well, the first one may have been a teensy-weensy bit sour.”
“The first batch dissolved the old lining out of the boiler. Then the pressure tank blew up.”
“It needs lots of pressure for extra special fizzy fizz!”
“And he had to make special reinforced bottles, after the usual ones proved far too fragile. I understand the company was shipping you a few sample bottles by mail when their volatility was discovered. Fortunately nopony was badly hurt, and the deliverymare should be back in the air in a few days. After that, a considerable amount of effort was expended in getting the next batch properly sealed and boxed for shipment by the pegasus firm of Fargo and Wells. Unfortunately, this led to the discovery that too many bottles of your… soda in close proximity and at altitude tend to combust. Violently. Both Wells and Fargo were recently let out of the hospital, with only minor splinter damage to their haunches, but their wagon is a complete loss. I understand the explosion was visible from most of Canterlot. The Princess suggested that the soda could be used in daylight hours as a replacement for fireworks, and several of the generals in the army have expressed interest in using your formula in warfare. Henceforth the reason why the Royal Courier Service has been put in charge of this delivery.” Zircon snapped his folder closed and glared at the pink pony. “In short, Miss Pie, you have managed to weaponize a soft drink.”
“Okie, dokie, loki. Can I have it now?”
The unicorn courier retrieved a thick sheaf of papers from the folder and began levitating them over to be signed. “Indemnity for damages from the firm Charlie's Custom Colas and Candies, signed final contract, with damage clauses, plus expenses, witnessed signature that the product has been delivered, personal release from Princess Celestia promising that you will not bring this substance into Canterlot and in particular into the Royal Castle and yes she really means it, and of course, the bill. Itemized.”
Pinkie Pie signed her way down the stack of papers just as fast as they were passed over until she hit the bill. “Wow. That’s a lot of zeros. But it’s worth every bit!” Signing the last paper, she began hopping in front of the cart until Blaze reluctantly removed her protective bubble.
“Now Pinkie,” started Zircon. “Be care—”
In one lightning-like fluid motion, the pink pony opened the lid of the cooler, extracted a bottle, produced a bottle opener and popped the cap off. With a deafening Swooosh! and a blast of watermelonkumquatpineapplepeachlemonlime smelling bubbles, the pony was swept up into the sky.
“Wheee…” The scream of delight faded off into the distance as they both looked up.
“I think she made it farther up than Miss Dash,” said Zircon.
“She’s an earth pony and can’t fly,” said Blaze with growing concern. “There’s going to be a big pink grease spot when she comes down, unless—”
The old courier laid a hoof on Blaze. “Wait.”
After a long moment, the distant dot in the sky began to grow in size. It did not seem to be falling rapidly out of control, but slowly as if a cloud were drifting down. The pink dot became recognizable as Pinkie, swollen up like a giant party balloon, at about the same time the belches could be heard.
“Errp. Raaaapp. Ep. Eeeeeeerrrrpppppptttthhhh.” With each belch, the growing pink figure moved in one direction or another, slowly drifting down until finally landing on the street with a backflip and a bounce to the wild applause of the surrounding ponies.
“BRrrrrraaaappppppppppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhttttt!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie as she belched the last of the soda, and shrunk to her normal-sized shape. “Wow, thats fantastic! I gotta do that again! You know what this calls for?”
“A party!” shouted the surrounding crowd.
“What? How did you guess?” Waving the empty bottle over her head, she pointed at the town tall. “Come on, lets celebrate! Oh!” She glanced at the clock tower. “In three hours when my shift is over.” She grabbed Courier Zircon and gave him a quick hug.
“You’re all invited too, because you brought the brew! Oh wait, please stop. You brought the pop!” She stopped and sniffed. “Did you stop by Zecora’s house on the way into town? Oh I’m so happy!”
With the greatest of care, Zircon and Blaze carried the insulated crate filled with bottles (minus one) into the cooler in Sugarcube Corner and made their escape, with the excuse that they also had work to do before they could stop at the party.
* * *
“How many more stops do you have in town, Courier Zircon?” The midnight-colored mare peeked into the bed of the cart, which was looking half-empty with the removal of the vault-like cooler.
“Two. These I think you will like. First stop, the Golden Oak Library.”
Blaze came to a halt outside the giant oak tree that housed the Ponyville library and frowned. “I shall stay outside.”
“Nope.” The grey unicorn parked the cart and a series of books began to float out, surrounded in his blue levitation aura. “You demanded to come along with my deliveries, and I agreed under two conditions. The first of which is you would go with me to all of my deliveries, excepting Pinkie Pie. Which is important, because I don’t think I can support all these books at—” A dark indigo glow grabbed the last half-dozen books to come floating out of the cart and supported them effortlessly. “Once. Thank you.”
As the two unicorns walked into the library with their floating cargo, they were promptly greeted by a short purple dragon with green ridges. “There you are Mr. Fargo, just bring — hey, what gives? You’re not Fargo and Wells!”
“They had a wagon breakdown. I’m on temporary duty out here. My name’s Courier Zircon, and this is my assistant for the day, Blaze.”
“Nice to meet you. My name’s Spike. Are these the books Twilight asked for from the Canterlot Archives?”
“Yep, all twenty-seven of them except—” A thin sheet of paper with a checklist on it levitated out in front of the grey unicorn. “Wodrigor’s Obscurities and Oddities: A Guide to the Unexplainable.”
“Oops,” said Blaze suddenly. “I think I have that one back at my room. I must not have checked it back in. I’m afraid it may be just a tad overdue.”
“Spike! Spike!” A faint voice filtered up from the basement. “Are those the books I requested?”
“All but one. And it’s overdue.”
“Overdue? Oh no! I forgot to pull out the books I borrowed last time so they can go back with Fargo and Wells! If I don’t return them, they’ll be overdue, and I won’t get to check out any more books, and I’ll have to pay a fine, and it probably will be more money than I have and—”
“Sheesh, Twilight! Calm down. I got them all gathered up this morning, over there.” The dragon gestured at a pile only slightly larger than the one Blaze and Zircon had just brought in.
Blaze turned her head sideways to read the titles off the pile. “Martigan’s Rules for Transmutations. Homer’s Foruth Maggik Bibliography of Leay Linnes. You are extremely well read for such a small dragon.”
Spike seemed to puff up to twice his size. “Oh, I don’t understand most of it. Twilight is the real reader, and I’m her number one assistant. Twilight, come upstairs! You have guests!”
“You don’t have to yell, Spike. I’m right here.” A young violet unicorn with a magenta streaked mane stepped out of the basement doorway and looked over her guests.
“Good afternoon, Miss Sparkle. I’m Courier Zircon and this young mare is — where did you — oh, there you are. Blaze.” The midnight-black unicorn looked up from the book she was browsing and gave a nervous nod, before turning back to her reading. “The Canterlot librarians would like to express their apology about not getting the books you requested before you had made your escape from the Grand Galloping Gala.”
“Oh that’s fine, I wasn’t able to pack the books I needed to return into into the carriage yesterday when we went to the Gala. I try to keep the number of books I have checked out to a minimum.”
Both Zircon and Blaze looked at the tall stacks of books with skepticism.
“Right.”
After they loaded the stack of returning books into the cart and were trotting to their next delivery, Zircon could not keep a smile off his face. “I’m glad to see the dragon has been doing so well.”
Blaze eyed him cautiously and bookmarked her place in the book she was reading without breaking her stride. “I feel there is more to your words than you say. Speak it all, or silent you should stay.”
Zircon sighed. “Showoff. Very well, if you force me. A few years ago, ten or eleven I think, there was a minor problem with a nesting dragon. Ponykind knows very little about dragons. I think if pressed we might be able to produce a pamphlet on the subject, or a very thin book. Several pegasi of the Royal Guard were sent to investigate, and were lucky to escape with minor burns. In hindsight, dragons seem to perceive flying creatures as a threat. Due to my nature, I was a natural pick to go investigate, to my dismay. But I did not shirk my responsibilities and run away.”
“I am not…” Blaze puckered up like her lollipop had been licked down to a sour lemon layer. “Continue.”
“Anyway, by the time I managed to get to the dragon’s cave, all of the eggs had hatched, and the dragon and her new brood had flown away. All except one egg.”
“Spike?”
“No, not yet. Dragons breathe on their eggs to hatch them. There were a number of charred eggshell fragments scattered about the cave, but this egg had a very thick shell and appeared to be non-viable. I brought the egg back to the Princess, and she said there was actually a live male dragon inside. But she was afraid if she used her magic to open it, she might hurt or even kill him.”
“Well, obviously something opened up the egg. What was it?”
“Much of what I know is hearsay, and I’m pretty positive Princess Celestia doesn’t want it spread about too much…”
“Spill it,” growled Blaze.
“Twilight Sparkle. On her entrance exam to Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. As just a filly. With a number of side effects, including temporarily growing the infant dragon up to full size.”
“Oh my stars.” Blaze caught the lollipop with her magic before it hit the ground and absently stuck it back in one cheek to be concentrated on later. “Well, it fits. She is the Element of Magic after all.” She sucked on the lollipop in silence and flipped through the book as they walked. As they drew up next to the town hall, she abruptly withdrew the lollipop and stated flatly, “She knows.”
“Knows what?” Zircon looked puzzled.
“I thought I remembered this. Right here in Martigan’s Rules for Transmutations." Blaze tapped the book with one hoof, raising a small cloud of dust. "Rule 34 states ‘Transformation of a thing is more difficult than destruction, or neutralization.’ When Celestia used the Elements of Harmony on — Nightmare Moon, she was only able to banish her to the moon. These ponies had the power to transform Nightmare Moon back into Luna. Power even Celestia lacked.” Blaze looked back at the tree library. “I wonder if Celestia truly knows the power her student possesses. Or what it may yet grow into.”
Zircon slowed his walk. “Maybe.”
“Maybe what?” Blaze slowed to match his pace and glared at the grey unicorn, who opened his mouth as if to say something and hesitated, before proceeding very cautiously.
“I… cannot be certain of this. You do know I see and find out many things while traveling, and report on them back to the Princesses? All Royal Couriers do, but we few unicorns in the RECS most of all, because we spend so much more time on the ground in areas that are difficult to get reliable witnesses into. We are trained to observe without drawing conclusions, so we do not flavor our observations with our personal bias.
“So you’re Tia’s spies, an activity I assure you has been going on a long, long time. Keep speaking.”
“It may not have been so much a matter of power, as ability. If you think of it as a metaphor, the dragon egg was a delicate life held within a construct too strong to break without damaging the life within. So too was Princess Luna held within the grasp of Nightmare Moon.”
The black unicorn stopped and looked back over her shoulder at the distant library. “Your metaphor… Perhaps you speak more truth than I wish to know.” They resumed walking, much slower this time.
Blaze levitated the lollipop out in front of herself and looked at it thoughtfully. “Do you think Celestia knew? Do you think she planned this? She would have had to set up the entrance exam somehow knowing a student with that special talent would come along, with an egg that just happened to have been found at that exact correct moment, with just enough time for this unicorn to grow into her power and accumulate the friends she would need—”
“To free her own sister who she had imprisoned nearly a thousand years prior. I think…” The old grey unicorn took a breath and changed subjects. “You have never seen Princess Celestia raise the moon while Luna was banished.”
Blaze glared at him. “Obviously.”
“Nopony has. Over the centuries, she always did it from a secluded location, not seen by prying eyes, and always by herself. She never allowed anypony else, not even the times when she was feeling under the weather or during crisis. The Unicorn race have long ago fallen out of practice; the ancient rituals of Dawn and Nightfall are almost forgotten to us except in legend. Always her, for a thousand years, always her. The Night Guard have a tale they rarely tell, that whenever Celestia raised the moon, she could still feel her sister trapped inside. There were some nights where they say after raising the moon, it took hours for the Princess to quit crying and return to the castle. What would you do in her place, to save your sister from a nightmare that would never end?”
The ebon unicorn looked off into the distance where Canterlot was silhouetted on the horizon. “Anything.”
It took a while before they began walking again in the afternoon sunlight, and Blaze snorted to try to change the mood. “Are we about done? I have walked longer today than anytime in my memory. My hooves are tired.”
“Almost.” He nodded at the small red school building as they approached. “I thought I would save the best for last.”
Blaze stopped cold. “I’m not going in there.”
“Yes you are.”
The black unicorn trembled and backed up a step. “You can’t make me.”
Zircon looked at the terrified young mare and sighed. “You have to face your fears eventually. You can’t just fly away and hide forever. The world has changed, you have changed, just as everything changes with the passage of time. What is inside that building should not hold you in fear, but should allow you your freedom. You just need to have the courage to reach for it.” The grey unicorn levitated the last box out of the cart and laid it on his back before turning towards the door to the schoolhouse. “You must face your fears someday. Why not today?”
“Wait!” Blaze took one trembling step forward with her jaw set tightly. Then another. Then another, until she stood behind the slate-grey unicorn, looking somewhat grey and drawn herself. Even the lollipop stick was stock still.
Zircon’s face relaxed and he smiled gently. “I was hoping you would understand.” He firmly knocked at the schoolhouse door and entered, with Blaze right behind on his heels.
Nearly a dozen young foals sat attentively at their desks, looking at the mismatched pair of ponies that had just walked through the door. Then at the clock. Then back at the door which separated them from an afternoon of fun and playtime. At the blackboard in the front of the room, a magenta-colored teacher with a pink mane shot a look of irritation at the two intruders into her exclusive domain.
“Pardon me, Miss Cheerilee, young students. I’m Courier Zircon, and this is my assistant Blaze. We have a delivery for your school.”
The teacher gave him a harried look and spat out the piece of chalk she was using to write homework assignments on the board. “Can it wait for just a few minutes? School is just about out and I want to make sure everypony gets their homework for tonight.”
“Actually, its a gift for both you and your students.” The courier levitated the box on his back over to the teacher’s desk where she wasted no time unwrapping it.
“Oh my!” Miss Cheerilee lifted the telescope out of the box and grinned as widely as her students. “An Orion 500, with all the attachments. And a stand, and — who sent this? I looked into getting one for the school, but they are so expensive, and ever since Princess Luna has returned, they’ve been backordered for absolutely months!”
“I can’t say, Ma'am. I just deliver them.”
“Oh my. Oh my! Children, what would you say to a new homework assignment tonight?”
A moan went around the classroom until she continued, “We can take this new telescope out to Starry Hill and look at all the stars and planets!”
“Yea!” A wave of cheering went around the room with a distinct echo of “Cutie Mark Crusader Telescope Watchers!”
“Everypony who wants to go out to the hill will need a permission slip, and you all need to wear something warm because it’s supposed to get chilly tonight.” The stampede of fillies and colts for the door made conversation impossible until the room emptied out. The stampede excluded one unicorn student with a lavender coat and blonde mane who remained at her desk, concentrating on her drawing.
The teacher cleared her throat carefully. “Dinky, would you like to go out to Starry Hill tonight? I can have Granny Smith sign your permission slip."
"That's fine." The little unicorn kept drawing without looking up, pausing only to change crayons.
"Is your mother out of Canterlot General yet? Dinky?”
“What? Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Cheerilee. No, she’s supposed be released tomorrow. They think they have all the glass out of her wing, but they wanted to keep her one more day just to be sure.”
“Oh that’s too bad. Will Big Macintosh be picking you up from school today?”
“No.” The filly switched crayons in her hoof and continued with a look of deep concentration. “He’s real busy. He didn’t get in last night until midnight and was out this morning before Applebloom and I left for school. Them stumps are dug in there deep and need pulled before planting.”
“Those stumps, dear.” Turning to Zircon and Blaze, the teacher sighed. “Dinky’s mother was injured in an accident while she was carrying packages. One of them seems to have exploded in her saddlebag, and knocked her out of the air. Most of the damage was from the fall, but she’s a tough pegasus, and always bounces back.”
“Pegasus?” asked Blaze, looking over at the unicorn foal.
“I’m not sure if—” began the teacher with a concerned look in her eye at Blaze.
“Mommy is a pegasus, daddy was a unicorn,” said the unicorn filly with the deadpan air of repeating something she had said many times. “We came here from Fillydelphia after daddy passed on, and mommy got a job delivering mail. She’s a very good mommy, and loves her job.”
“That’s nice dear,” said the teacher with a weak grin. “Now why don’t you go play outside for a while and I’ll walk you back to the farm after I’m done talking with our visitors.”
“I can’t draw outside. The wind will blow away my paper and I can’t use magic yet to hold it down. And mommy said she would come by and pick me up after school the first day she got out of the hospital. If she’s not hurt worse than what she said.” The filly jabbed the crayon at the picture she was drawing and muttered, “I hate it when others lie. They always act like they’re protecting me.”
“Now, now, sweetie. I’m sure everything will be just fine.”
“No it won’t!” She flung the picture away and dropped her head to her desk to hide the tears. “She’s always getting hurt on the job, and one day something bad will happen and she’ll go away forever just like daddy, and I won’t have anybody! I’ll be all alone!”
Blaze stepped forward a step as if she were dragged. “No.”
“Go away!”
The teacher spoke up abruptly, “I’m sorry Miss Blaze, you’re going to have to leave. You’re frightening my student.”
“I’m not afraid of her,” yelled Dinky, lifting her head off her desk to stare defiantly at the black unicorn mare, only to blink in surprise. “But — she’s afraid of me.” The foal seemed ready to cry as she looked into Blaze’s turquoise eyes, beginning to fill with tears of their own. “Why are you afraid of me?”
The black unicorn folded up on herself and sat down on the floor with a thump, turning her head away from the filly. “One time, I… thought I was doing something very good for some ponies, which turned out to be very bad. Very, very bad. It turned out I was doing it all for myself, and I hurt somepony I cared for very much.”
Dinky got out of her chair and came closer. “But you were sorry, right? And you said so. Mamma always says to apologize when you do something wrong, and to forgive when you get apologized to. ”
Blaze sniffed. “What if you don't deserve to be forgiven? What if it was something too terrible to be forgiven? Sometimes just saying you are sorry is not enough.”
The little unicorn filly patted her on the shoulder. “But that’s all you can do. You’re not going to do that bad thing again, are you?” Blaze shook her head wordlessly. “Then you see, you learnt from it.” (the faint echo of “learned” from the teacher was almost inaudible)
Dinky leaned against the black unicorn and put one foreleg around her neck. “You’re not alone, are you? I mean you got your dad over there and—”
There was a faint *schnook!* and the lollipop handle vanished, only to reappear after a brief spate of coughing. “Sorry.” Blaze cleared her throat quietly. “No, I’m not alone. I have a big sister, who loves me very much. And Courier Zircon is not my father, he is just… a friend.”
“I have a big sister too! She’s a unicorn too, and a lot bigger than me, but I don’t see her much. And I have friends at school, like Applebloom.” The unicorn filly looked thoughtful. “I guess I’m not as alone as I was thinking.”
“Me either.” Blaze put one foreleg over the unicorn filly and laid her head against the foal’s blonde mane with a sniff. “I wish we could tell you that everything would be perfect, that nothing bad would ever happen to you. That we would build you a perfect world, free from hate and evil and harm and hurt. But we can’t. The best we can say is we will try to the utmost of our ability to save you from as much of the harsh world as we can, so you can enjoy all of the good parts. Like ice cream. And cake.”
“And muffins!” came a voice from the doorway.
“Mamma!” The unicorn filly bolted straight into the tight grip of a grey pegasus who was standing unsteadily at the doorway, still wearing a number of bandages.
“Muffin! Gentle, Muffin! Gentle!”
“Sorry Mamma. Oh, Mamma, you gotta meet my new friend, she’s got a big sister too, just like me!”
The grey pegasus’s yellow eyes both focused on the black unicorn, and Ditzy Doo stumbled for a moment, going to her knees before standing back up. “Sorry. I guess — I’m still not quite recovered.”
“That’s perfectly fine,” said Blaze, standing up in one smooth motion. “We are greatly pleased to make the acquaintance of a mare of such impeccable credentials.”
“Huh?” One of Ditzy’s yellow eyes wandered to look at the front of the room where Cheerilee and Zircon were both close together and whispering, with many furtive glances in their direction.
“Your daughter speaks very highly of you.”
Dinky chirped, “She’s weird mom. A lot like you. I like her.” The little filly began hopping up and down. “Are you moving to Ponyville? You could teach me unicorn magic and we could go eat muffins and—”
Blaze stopped her with an upraised hoof. “No. I’m so sorry. We are only here for the day.”
“Oh. Thats too bad.” The little unicorn drooped, and then perked back up. “But you’re still going to the party, right? We can have fun there!”
“How did you know—”
“Well, duh! You’re new in town, and Pinkie Pie is here, of course there’s going to be a party. With ice cream and cake and muffins and fizzy drinks—”
“No! Um… I mean…” The black unicorn looked embarrassed and then nodded. “I mean no fizzy drinks. Those would be a bit dangerous at the moment for a young foal.”
“Yea! Come on, lets go! And Mamma, we’re going to have a star watching party up on Starry Hill tonight, I bet Luna has some ‘tastic stars out tonight to go watch with the new telescope for our school.”
“Yes, I bet she does, Muffin.” Ditzy nuzzled her daughter and gave her a big hug. “I’m just glad to have you back again. I missed you so much. I wish they let foals visit the hospital.”
“Was Sparkler there?”
“Oh yes, we talked for hours. About you mostly. And she came with me back to Ponyville, and will be staying with us for a few days until I feel better.”
The little filly squealed with delight. “Goodie!”
“And, even better, we got to ride here in a Royal Guard chariot! It can do loops, and was so fast Sparkler got sick, but it’s all paid for by Charlie's Cola and the drivers said they would even stick around long enough to give my Muffin a ride around the town. Come on, they’re outside.”
Zircon followed them to the door and called out to the matched pegasi pulling the chariot. “After the flight, land over by Town Hall. There’s a party, and you’re invited!”
“One of Pinkie Pie’s parties? All right! Come on Wingnut, lets go!”
“No loops!” sounded an unfamiliar voice from outside. “Never again!”
* * *
The party in Ponyville’s town hall was in full swing by the time Zircon slipped through the door, with a harried look and a very hatless head. Above the refreshment bar was a huge banner reading “Welcome back Ditzy! Get Well Soon! Welcome Blaze!” The bottom of the banner was slightly damp from what looked like a boiling punchbowl beneath it, the fruity-smelling contents were constantly foaming and perking to the frustration of anypony trying to get a drink. Fortunately there were plenty of other drinks and refreshments scattered about to please even the most dedicated sugar addict. The room fairly bulged with ponies, and the dance floor was filled. In the center of the dance floor, dancing in glorious disregard for the music, or the beat, or even the edges of the floor was a lavender unicorn foal, and a lavender unicorn mare. Both Dinky and Twilight Sparkle seemed totally lost in their dancing, with Dinky’s mother nearby keeping a close eye on the two of them. It was so heartwarming that Zircon had to stop and wipe away a tear after watching for awhile. Or perhaps it was a tear of suppressed laughter.
“‘scuse me.” The old Royal Courier looked up into what first looked like the side of a red barn, but on closer examination turned out to be a hefty red pony with a green apple mark. “Little Mac! I mean Big Mac. Haven’t seen you in ages. By Celestia, you've grown!”
The sprig of wheat Big Macintosh was chewing switched sides of his mouth before he responded. “Eeeyup. I remember you. That still your cart outside?”
“Yes, I—”
“Ah put the pies in it and tucked ‘em in so they wouldn’t get loose. Now I gotta get back to work.”
“Oh no you don’t. Those stumps will wait for another day. Now you march yourself out there on the dance floor, and you dance with a few of those young mares, have yourself some cake, and drink some punch. Think of it as a one-day pass, Cadet Macintosh.”
He could not help but smile as Big Macintosh flinched. The big green eyes blinked once, and turned on Zircon. “Them little varmints hain’t been around the punch bowl, have they?”
“The Crusaders? No, they’re helping serve cake.”
The big red face seemed to consider the concept for a while. It almost seemed as if a watcher could follow the train of thoughts as they jumped from one massive neuron to another in his mind. “Ahh better get some cake afore it’s all gone then.”
“And take a piece home for your sister. She’s probably out in the stump field too. Oh wait. I have a question.” The big red pony just looked quizzically back at him. “How many stumps do you have out in your field?”
The big red brows furrowed. “Few more ‘n fifty, including Big Betty.”
“And can I rent them from you? Just the way they are, still stuck in the ground. Five bits a piece maybe? For a week. I think I may know somepony with a use for them.”
Twilight Sparkle and Dinky finished their dance about the same time the music quit, plus or minus a standard deviation and an irrational number of seconds. Twilight scooped up Dinky and brought her back to Ditzy despite a number of protestations and requests for additional dancing time. “That was fun, Twilight! Let’s do it again!”
She chuckled and tousled the filly's blonde mane. “Now my little pony, it’s going to be dark soon. I talked with the pegasi on your chariot, so they'll stay tonight to fly you and your mother out to the hill with the rest of the students to watch the stars come out, and then back to your home when you’re all done. You promise me you’ll take care of her and not let her strain herself.”
“I promise, Twilight.”
“And you — oh, come here Ditzy, you big, silly goof.” Twilight gave the injured grey mailmare a gentle hug. “You are going to follow my checklist for your recovery, get lots of rest, and be back flying your route before you know it. But for the next few weeks, it is very important for you to follow the list.” She pointed. “No cheating, I’ve got somebody watching you.”
“Right, mom!”
“But—”
“No! I mean it. And I’ll be up every day to check on you.” Twilight frowned and tried unsuccessfully to look intimidating.
Both of the mailmare’s yellow eyes tracked to focus on the bigger of the two unicorns. “Will you tutor Dinky when you visit? All the other unicorns foals have a unicorn at home to learn from.”
“Well…” The look on Twilight’s face showed regret for the loss of perfectly good study time.
“Oh pleeeeezzzeee” Ditzy gave a sad-eyed look that dropped Twilight’s heart into her hooves.
“How could I say no? Now come on, lets get you something to eat.”
Zircon was leaning against a support pillar and eating cake when Twilight Sparkle finally tracked him down. “Hello, Courier Zircon. What happened to your hat?”
“Good evening, Twilight Sparkle. I met Miss Rarity outside, and she took it right off my head and ran away. I hope she plans on returning it soon; I’ve worn it so long my ears feel cold without it. I presume the Doo family has retired from the party for the night?”
“Yes, I sent her home with a checklist, and I have it marked on my schedule to check on her daily until she’s all healed up.” She glanced around and leaned a little closer. “I had no idea the Princess paid such close attention to the Postal Service employees. Sending the Royal Guard to act as taxi drivers? Isn't that a bit… odd?”
“Well, from what I understand, it was the colt’s day off, and they saw the opportunity to make a few extra bits from Charlie's Colas. Plus this is Ponyville. You know,” he continued with a wink at Twilight’s blank stare, “Highest population density of eligible mares in the kingdom. And Pinkie Pie’s parties. It was really quite obvious.”
“Once somepony explained it to them,” said Twilight Sparkle with a most peculiarly intense look.
The old grey courier took another bite of cake. “Oh, look. Blaze is going to dance with Big Mac.”
“Don’t change the subject with me.” A purple aura spread across the unicorn mare's horn, there was a high-pitched pop, and suddenly the two of them were all alone outside the Ponyville town hall with only the muffled sound of accordion music from inside to keep them company.
“What’s your game, mister?” she asked with a steely glare that just happened to point her horn right between Zircon’s eyes. He was suddenly uncomfortably aware of just how much power it took to teleport even a short distance, and how much more to take an unaware passenger.
“We Royal Couriers don’t have a ‘game.’ We go where the Royal Personages tell us to go, and we deliver what they tell us to deliver. Or pick up. And with their permission, we run side-trips for important members of the court.”
“Are you going to tell me about your disguised friend? I did some research while you were gone; a bonfire for a cutie mark is fairly rare. None of the unicorns around her age with that cutie mark match her coat coloring or mane.”
Zircon shook his head. “I am truly sorry, Twilight Sparkle. I cannot answer that question. I am under Royal Command to take her with me, and to disguise her against revealing her identity. But I can honestly say that our task here is simply the delivery and pickup of certain items. There is no threat to the realm or this city, or nefarious ulterior motive, or, thank Celestia, politics involved. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
The upset unicorn relaxed. “Oh. Well… That's what I hoped. Okay then.” She looked around and blushed, despite the lack of witnesses to her embarrassment. “Sorry about that.”
“Think nothing of it. I too would be concerned if someone strange had come into a town that has suffered Nightmare Moon, a parasprite invasion, a dragon rampage, a dragon invasion — if one sleeping dragon is an invasion — an Ursa Minor AND a Trixie, plus the indignity of a major fashion designer visit.”
“It’s not my fault.” Twilight appeared both irritated and nervous, as well as quite familiar with the excuse.
“No, of course not. All these things certainly would have happened here anyway without your presence, with much worse results. The Princess sees things none of us see, and makes preparations to resolve disasters before they even happen. I think you are here for a purpose far greater than I could ever guess.”
Twilight gave him a funny look. “Yeah. So. Are the two of you leaving soon?”
“In an hour or two when the train leaves. I probably should get my cart over to the train station now while I have a chance. It will ride in baggage, and I will rest my hooves, for a pleasant change. I’m getting old, and the darned thing feels heavier every year. But then again, I get to travel the country and meet delightful young things such as yourself. It was a pleasure and an honor to meet you, Twilight Sparkle. And please convey my belated birthday wishes to your young assistant Spike. I’m sorry I missed it this year. It slipped my aging mind totally when we were at your residence.” His horn lit up and a small ruby floated up out of the cart and over to Twilight Sparkle.
“Thank you. I’m sure he will appreciate it. And—” She paused with that unidentifiable look again. “It was nice to get confirmation on the reason for your visit. Both of you.”
Zircon held the door open for Twilight as she returned to the party. When he turned back to his cart to leave, there was a shy yellow pegasus with a Merriweather mane hovering overhead.
“Um. Excuse me sir. I was wondering, if you know. It would be very nice if you were… There is this… Um… You see… I sent…”
“Fluttershy!” came Rainbow Dash’s voice from the rafters over the town hall. “Just ask him whatever it is and go, I’m trying to read here while there’s still light!” Sitting on a support beam high overhead, the other pegasus was trying to balance a heavy book, quill, and notes while mumbling. “That won’t work, she’s inverted three times already, she’d be upside down in the loop. How about…”
“Oh, good. You did. Well, I should be go—”
“Fluttershy! You showed up!” A pink pony came shooting out the town hall doors and scooped up Fluttershy before dashing back inside. “Let’s party!”
* * *
“Now that was a party!” said Blaze, who had somehow acquired a party hat and still had a streamer hanging over one ear. “Can’t we get some punch for the road?”
“No! You go back in there and Celestia knows when you would come out. We need to go now or we’ll miss the train.” Zircon trotted ahead of Blaze, who was happily giggling. From the fruity smell it was probable that the new soda had become calm enough to drink, or at least mix with punch or other apple-related products. “I’ve got the cart loaded already, all we need is—”
“Wait!” The anguished cry came from a snow-white unicorn with a dark purple mane who trotted after them, just fast enough for the wind to blow dramatically through her hair but not fast enough to break into an unsightly sweat. With a flick of her delicate horn, the floppy hat of the Royal Courier came soaring overhead to land perfectly centered on Zircon’s head. “Now go! Before you miss your train!”
Zircon skidded to a halt and removed the hat to look at it in the ruddy sunset. Every seam had been sewed back up, every thin spot patched, and every bit of stuffing returned to its proper place. “It’s perfect! I don’t know what to say, Miss Rarity. Thank you! Thank you so much.”
“Oh, don’t say anything. Just catch your train. And leave me behind as you travel back to your glamorous life in Canterlot.” She flung one hoof over her forehead and wept, the gesture only spoiled a little by a ladylike giggling.
Zircon trotted over and gave the white unicorn mare a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Heck, you know better than to believe in the glamorous life of the civil servant. You used to hang over the back of the chair when I talked about old army days with your father. Speaking of which, how is the old geezer?”
“Still as gloriously uncultured as always. I despair every time I attempt to properly attire him.”
“Zircon! Come on!” Blaze danced uncomfortably. “They just blew the whistle.”
“Oh, and I had Sweetie Belle put something in the cart for your marefriend — why is she coughing like that? Is she ill?” Rarity asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“No, just a lollipop that tried to go down the wrong pipe. She’ll be fine. Tell your father hello for me, and I promise I’ll stop by my next trip.”
“You had better, or I’ll have Sweetie Belle send you some of her famous biscuits.”
Zircon gave her another peck on the cheek and took off running for the barely moving train, hopping on board right after Blaze.
“Here you go sir, two tickets. My cart get stowed away?”
“In the baggage car in back, sir.” The moustached conductor touched a hoof to his hat and moved through the rest of the train. “Tickets. Tickets.”
By the time they had worked their way back to the baggage car to check on the cart, the sun was just touching the horizon. Zircon took a peek out the windows and whistled. “Very pretty. Celestia sure knows how to put on a sunset. Those high-altitude clouds really make the dark reds pop out along the horizon.”
Blaze peeked out the window and gave a sniff. “They will clash something horribly with the star viewing tonight if something is not done.” She turned to the Royal Courier and gave a short bow.
“Honorable sirah, I thank you for this tour, but regrettably I believe my time with you is now at an end. And—” She removed the lollipop stick from her mouth and carefully floated it over to Zircon. “The second condition you expressed has been completed. Clean. No bites. Just as you specified in the wager.”
Zircon gave out a low whistle. “Well I’ll be. You win.”
“I always win.” She gave a sly smile before beginning to unwind the large support bandage around her midriff. Around her, the illusion spell that covered her inky coat began to slowly fade and her natural indigo coloring returned.
Zircon quickly turned his back and began rummaging through his cart. “Your Highness, let me get your shoes and outfit—” He straightened up with a puzzled look.
Behind him the white ribbons on Luna’s mane and tail popped off one at a time, making a noise like popcorn, until her unleashed mane and tail streamed free in the neverending ethereal breeze. “Ahh, that feels much better. We missed the feel of the wind so much.” A series of gentle trial wing flaps whipped the air in the railcar to the point Zircon had to hold down his hat.
“Oh, Princess? I have a question,” he asked while still keeping his head inside the tied-down cart and passing back Luna’s accoutrements without looking.
“We give you leave to speak, Courier Zircon.”
The old grey unicorn waited until the sounds of dressing had ceased before turning around and bowing to Princess Luna, gently kissing one outstretched hoof now properly wrapped in its royal shoe. “Do you think we were successful in pulling off our deception? That the citizens of Ponyville will not know that you walked among them in disguise?”
The indigo alicorn blinked. “Why of course. Our illusion was impeccable, and I never once revealed the royal self. My practice in avoiding the royal ‘We’ in my discourse has proven a great success in my mastery of modern rhetoric.” She preened her wings briefly. “It was indeed an intelligent decision on your part to include a brace about my wings. Despite the discomfort, there were more than one occasion where my baser instincts would have betrayed the illusion.”
Zircon sighed while turning back to the cart and began to levitate out objects. “Your mail, My Princess. We have a note from Granny Smith thanking you, by name, for taking the time out to visit her farm, along with a little dusty jar of Zapapple Jam labeled ‘Please share with your sister,’ a carefully written note from Miss Sparkle detailing, hm, oh look it goes to a second page, and a third. She requests permission to borrow that book as soon as you are done with it. Very politely worded. Hm. A letter from Fluttershy inviting you back to visit with her critters, in particular one bunny who seems quite insistent, and she even has timid writing, so tiny. One note from a certain fast pegasus asking, hm, best you read that privately. One floppy hat, of Royal Courier design from the lovely Miss Rarity in order that your royal face not become wrinkled in the sun when next you visit ‘like that noble gentlestallion who you are traveling with’. Ahem. Noble, ha. And a note — they must go through a lot of paper in that village — from a certain Pinkie Pie inviting you to a party she is throwing tomorrow night for— Hm, how did she know I was planning that?” He shuffled through the notes. “Well, at least we fooled the dragon.” He looked up at Luna who was still stretching her wings. “You know Princess, if you are going to get mail like this from the town, you really should consider some kind of magical transport mechanism like your sister.”
Princess Luna chuckled and spread her wings wide. “We must be going before the Night breaks. I have plans for this evening.” She nodded slowly at the courier. “You have Our thanks, Courier Zircon. Your assistance has been most welcome.”
The old grey unicorn carefully bowed to one knee, betrayed only by a few small creaks and pops from disobedient joints. “I am a Royal Courier. I serve the Crown. I take things where they are needed, and bring back items that need returned. I think you needed to be taken to Ponyville more than I realized.”
“Indeed. There was something here I needed very much. We may call upon you again, should the need return.”
“If needed, the entire force of Royal Couriers stand ready at your command. All of them. There are quite a few handsome young ones, many of which are brighter and more insightful than I, and I’m certain any of them would make good traveling companions for you. Any of us.”
Luna snickered, tossing her flowing mane back in the celestial wind before moving to the back door of the train. “One thing before I go. I said my sister and I have never had children, and never would. I was wrong. Celestia has all the children in Equestria, all their blessings, and all their pain." Princess Luna paused, looking out at the setting sun. "How does she endure it, I wonder?”
“Because the blessings of our children far exceed the pain. Good night, Princess Luna.”
“Good night, Courier Zircon.” The Princess of the Night extended her wings and vanished out the back door of the train, traveling higher and higher until she was lost to sight.
For the longest time, Zircon just stood silently in the last car, looking out in the darkness as the stars began to appear.
Two Unicorns Walk Into a Village - Epilogue
Princess Celestia sat happily at her lunch, carefully buttering a roll while humming a happy tune. Not even a morning of meetings with grumpy bureaucrats, touchy diplomats, or even a brief visit by her nephew Blueblood had put the smallest of dents into her happiness, and she was completely oblivious to the resulting stream of agreeable diplomats, effective bureaucrats, and — well, Blueblood was at least unchanged. “Isn’t it wonderful,” she said to nobody in particular.
“What, may I ask, is wonderful, My Princess?” asked the nobody in particular, who happened to be a dark green unicorn servant with a stack of paper for a cutie mark. (a theme that unfortunately ran rather strongly in the Royal Castle)
“Oh, Papercut. You must have heard about my sister last night?”
“I’m sorry Ma’am, I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of—” Papercut sniffed “—that ‘Party.’ There has been pilferage.”
Celestia happily burbled on, oblivious to the stack of paper the servant was trying to show her. “When she flew home last night, she simply insisted on raising the moon, all by herself. She’s been so afraid lately. I had thought that terrible monster had hurt my beautiful sister, and I might never see that side of her again. But now…”
The Royal Princess — giggled. Papercut was aghast, but tried to keep his face straight.
“She still smells a bit like watermelon and some other fruits. At first I thought she was drunk, but it smelled a little like the scent from the wagon that blew up a few days ago. Don’t you think so, Papercut?”
“I would not know, Your Highness. I did not go about 'sniffing' after the event. Anyway—”
“And then after she raised the moon, do you know what she did?”
“Stars?” ventured Papercut.
“Stars!” exclaimed the Princess. “A thousand years I’ve been doing stars, and I just don’t have the touch for it, I’m afraid. Oh, its sooo good to have her back.”
After waiting for a moment to make sure the Princess was done, Papercut started, “Anyway about the pilf—”
“And after we finished looking at the stars, we went back to my room and we talked, and we cried, and we talked until late. And we fell asleep together like we haven’t done since we were foals, for heaven's sake.” She looked off into the distance, and took a bite of her roll. “It was marvelous. I’ve been back to check on her twice now, she’s just sleeping with her face stuck in my pillow. And smiling.”
“Very nice. Perhaps after Your Highness finishes lunch, you could go check on your sister again?”
“Oh, don’t be silly.” She chewed for a bit and then swallowed thoughtfully. “Well, maybe just once more.”
“Before that, Ma'am, would you care to hear my report? We have a thief in the castle.”
“Go on,” Celestia switched to a piece of toast and began covering it with jam, trying to keep at least one small fragment of her attention on the annoying unicorn servant.
“The trail started after the animals that the — yellow terror set free in the castle had been rounded up and returned to the gardens. Zircon, one of your Royal Courier service, was seen leaving the scene of the cleanup before the task was complete.”
The faint memory of the event penetrated the happy fog that surrounded her mind. “Oh, yes. We had found several eggs that the gardeners were unable to match up with any of the nests. I sent him off with a ‘Please see that these are taken care of until they hatch.’ Do you know where he took them?”
“Possibly. Over the course of that day, a number of rather peculiar events have been reported. For one, a Royal Chariot is missing. Two, a pair of Royal Guard on leave are missing, last seen talking to — Zircon. Three, the pegasus mailmare that was suspected in the ‘Fruitbombing’ incident over the city is missing. She was checked out of Canterlot General on the authority of this same Zircon by the same two Royal Guards. Four, a rather valuable telescope is missing out of the Royal Gift Depository.”
Celestia blinked. “How can you tell? That room is gigantic. There must be thousands of items in there.”
Papercut removed a note from his pile and floated it over to the Princess.
I owe you One Telescope, Signed — Courier Zircon
Princess Celestia chuckled. “His grandfather was a hoot. Did I ever tell you—”
“Princess!” gasped Papercut in shock. “He stole from you!”
“Well, the Royal Couriers exist to transport Royal Things from place to place. Perhaps he was under orders.”
“Well, you didn’t order him to take it, did you? Then he must have— Oh. Yes.” He made a small mark on his paper. “I shall inquire with the ‘other’ Princess when she wakes. Anyway, there are a few other minor items, a similar note was left in the place of a stack of books in the Canterlot library that was supposed to be transported to Ponyville before the unfortunate incident with Fargo and Wells.”
“Ah yes, that again. We must find a way of repeating the incident safely. It was quite lovely. And fragrant.” Celestia gave a long sniff, as if reliving a pleasant memory before turning back to the irritated unicorn. “So my sister appears to have visited Ponyville, with one of my trusted Royal Couriers as a guardian, and had the foresight to take along a pair of the Royal Guard and transportation, just in case. I shall ask her about her trip on her awakening. Is there anything else?”
“Just one more note.” The last piece of paper drifted out of Papercut’s stack and over in front of the Princess, who unfortunately had just taken a mouthful of tea.
I owe you One Royal Army, Signed — Courier Zircon
The HMZ Thunder had been the pride of the Canterlot Royal Guard and the absolute queen of the Zeppelin fleet for over twenty years. Now with many times those years weighing heavily on her sagging fabric sides and fragile spars, she had been consigned to the one branch of the Guard she had never been designed for: Training.
Still, she was a gigantic presence in the sky, fully twice the size of even the most modern airships and able to carry hundreds of troops on lightning (well, slow lightning) strikes deep into any section of Equestria. Today her mighty bulk hovered almost effortlessly over the brilliant green leaves of a giant sea of flowering apple trees, unicorn forged steel chains leading to two huge anchors sunk deeply into the ground to counter any breezes that might slip past her air wing of pegasi. The main troop deployment ramp dropped with a clang into the dark and fertile dirt of the Apple farm, and a multicolored line of ponies with identical stiff manecuts began to march out. Normally Cadets in the Royal Academy wore their training armor everywhere until the day of graduation (and subsequent bleaching), but for this day’s exercise, the Cadets were glad to be free from the oppressive weight. They had no idea how much they would be wishing for the relatively light load of steel armor in just a few hours.
Directing the movements of the Cadets was Drill Sergeant Chert, a sturdy chestnut earth pony with a brilliant white mane. Rumors among the Cadets about his history were split; some thought he had simply pried himself loose from a mountain, and was made of primordial flint and obsidian. Others considered him to have been created in a volcanic forge by Princess Celestia out of discarded armor scraps and shattered weapons. In either case, he had a voice that needed no megaphone to make itself heard.
“All right you foals, Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Lift those hooves, try to make it look like you raw recruits may have seen the inside of a real soldier’s barracks at least once. You there! Dress that line! Echelon right… March! Hup! Hup! What do you think you’re doing there soldier! Which of those is your right hoof! I could give you four chances and you’d be wrong each time, when are they going to send me some soldiers with some brains! Doubletime, march! HupHupHupHup!”
The area the Apple family and their guest had picked out for observing the exercise had just enough elevation to look over the field, and was nicely grassed for chairs or blankets. Zircon got up from his chair to get more refreshments while watching the chaos of the milling mass of hefty ponies being sorted into lines and columns by loud officers. “More juice, Miss Apple?”
“Well, thankie kindly,” Applejack took the glass as it floated by and took a deep drink before settling back in her own chair. “Ahh. We make a fine product. How about you, Granny?”
“Whatsat? Nooo, I’m just fine. Just fine,” she trailed off as she watched the young stallions line up, sweat glistening from their pristine flanks.
“Now listen up, all of you! This training exercise is designed to see how you operate in teams! I don’t care if you’re the hottest flier in the country, can bench press an entire barracks, or lift the sun all by yourself AM I NOT MAKING MYSELF CLEAR THERE CADET!” The unicorn in question stopped whispering to the pony next to him and both seemed to melt in the chill morning air.
“You will break up into four teams, each team will elect their own leaders. Each team will be responsible for the uprooting and removal of one designated stump and transporting it over to the disposal pile. Successful teams will then be broken into smaller teams and the process will repeat. You will be graded on speed and efficiency. In addition…”
“Tain’t right,” grumbled Big Macintosh as log chains and harnesses were dragged out of the airship and began to be strapped onto the cadets.
“What’s wrong, big brother,” asked Applejack. “You jealous or sumptin?”
“Nope. Just that them city ponies are gonna get their long city tails caught up in that gear. Somepony’s gonna get hurt.”
“You know, I didn’t think of that. Very good catch, Mac.” Zircon stood up and waved at one officer, pointed at Big Macintosh, and began waving in a structured manner. "Hope they haven't changed signals since my time in the military," he muttered.
“Attention!” Drill Sergeant Chert bellowed, then paused until the recruits had all stopped. “Due to the unfamiliarity of most of you with this equipment, and the rocks in your head, we have a civilian auxiliary who will be supervising your use of the equipment to ensure safety.”
“That’s your cue, Big Mac. Go on.”
The big red pony stood stunned for a moment, before walking out into the field, accelerating as he went. By the time he reached where they were putting the cadets into harnesses he was nearly trotting with a little skip in his stride.
“I hain’t seen him run like that since he was a little one,” mumbled Granny Smith.
Hours later it seemed as if the whole population of Ponyville had turned out to watch the event unfold. Teams of trainees strained at stumps, sweating heavier as the ponies behind the traces became fewer. Where a dozen cadets working together could pull a stump as easy as pie, by the time the contest had boiled down to teams of four, it became much, much more difficult. And when it was down to just pairs, the contest hit a fever pitch. With only two mismatched stumps left in the field, one pair of ponies after another failed to uproot the smaller stump, until finally the last pair, a huge crimson earth pony and a massive snow white unicorn with a long spiral horn ripped it free from the ground and carried it over to the giant pile where the rest of the extracted stumps sat. There was a pause in the competition as the pair were unhitched and each set in their own gear. During the wait, one of the officers walked over to the Apple’s observation area.
“Courier Zircon, just wanted to say thanks for finding the cadets a little light exercise. This batch of cadets was about to drive us all crazy with all their petty little fights and squabbling. I was afraid we’d have to throw the whole batch out and start over.”
“My pleasure, Sergeant-Major Shining." The old grey stallion stood and exchanged salutes. "Oh, pardon me. Shining Armor, I’d like to introduce the rest of the Apple family: Big Macintosh is out the field. This is Granny Smith, Applejack, and their youngest, little Applebloom.”
“I'm charmed to meet such lovely ladies.” The unicorn stallion formally shook hooves with Applebloom before taking Granny Smith’s hoof and bowing over it to give it a light kiss, repeating the gesture with a blushing Applejack.
“Twilight has written about all of you, but I was beginning to think we’d never meet. I take it you were the one responsible for that delightful cake at the Gala? And its placement?”
Applejack chuckled and blushed even more. “Oh, it was an accident. Honest. I shoulda realized what could happen with Pinky Pie around and been more careful.”
“Oh no! The only thing wrong is you didn’t hit old Bluenose right in the face.” Shining Armor looked around. “Have you seen Twily around anywhere? Oh wait. I see her.” In the crowd of ponies that surrounded the field, there was one lilac unicorn hopping up and down, waving like a maniac. “I’ll talk to you later, I better go talk to my sister before the last stump gets pulled or she’ll never forgive me.”
After Shining Armor trotted off to his sister, Applejack turned to Zircon. “Last stump gets pulled? Heck, that’s Big Betty, she was about twenty trees all knotted together til she died. Them two big fellers was just barely able to pull out one stump, now they’re gonna pull out one ten times its size solo?”
Zircon settled in his chair with a worried smile. “It was Shining’s idea. Just watch.”
The white unicorn went first, digging in his hooves while using the magic of his horn in combination. The creaking of wood could be heard in the dead silence as every pony held their breath, then a massive sigh of disappointment as he quit, leaving the massive stump unmoved.
Then the crimson earth pony hitched himself up, digging all four hooves deep into the rich dark earth and leaning into his harness with a groan of tortured wood. Deeper and deeper he dug, heaving his shoulders into the yoke with little flecks of foam, shaking right, then left and then — nothing. A second moan of disappointment swept the crowd.
“Well, I guess that’s it,” said Applejack.
“Shh,” said Zircon. “Wait.”
The massive white unicorn gave a shout of frustration and darted forward to the red stallion flank-deep in the dirt. He attached his yoke to the chain, and then dug in beside his fellow cadet. A chestnut brown stallion followed, hooking himself up to the chain also, then another cadet, and another, until every cadet in the field was straining against their common foe; pegasi lifted, unicorns used their magic to pry, and earth ponies dug in and pulled. Long moments passed where even the officers flung themselves into the fray, grabbing at chains and heaving until there was a loud crack. Then another. Then a whole series of snaps as the giant stump came sliding out of the hole to the deafening cheers of the entire town. A wave of ponies seemed to pour out onto the field, unhooking cadets, spreading hugs and kisses, bringing water and other refreshments, and one pink pony screaming ‘Street Party!!!’
Zircon leaned over to Applejack, and spoke loudly to make himself heard over the chaos. “Now, that’s it.”
* * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today my brother showed me that sometimes the rules we set up can get in the way of getting a job done. And sometimes actually getting the job done is more important than following the rules when your friends need your help.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight Sparkle looked at the scroll and scowled, trying to ignore the noise from the street party that seemed to have spontaneously broken out after the final stump was pulled, and spread through the entire town.
“Spike, I just don’t feel right, sending a letter to the Princess about how breaking the rules can be good. I mean she’s the ruler of all Equestria, she’s the one who sets up all the rules.”
“Not all the rules. Don’t you remember our visitor yesterday?”
“Yes, but… It’s not really the same. She’s a Princess too.”
Spike pondered the Moral Relativism of the problem. “If using the Elements of Harmony had been against the rules, would you still have saved Princess Luna and defeated Nightmare Moon?”
“Why yes, of cour— Oh.” Twilight Sparkle looked at the letter, and rolled it up. “Go ahead and send it Spike. Along with the rest of the mail.”
* * *
Princess Celestia quietly opened the door and slipped into her bedroom. It was still several hours until the sun was scheduled to set, giving her several blissful hours to simply sit and luxuriate in the presence of her sleeping sister. The faint etheric twing of an incoming letter tingled in her horn, and moments later, a curl of smoke materialized into a scroll — with a bundle of crude letters and drawings that scattered across the floor.
What in the name of Equestria? Celestia quietly gathered them all up while reading the scroll from Twilight.
Then she looked at the rest of the papers with a growing sense of puzzlement.
“Dear Princess, thank you for the telecsope we used it last nite to see the stars and moon.”
“Deer Princess thanks for coming to our school and making sure mommy got home.”
“Dear Princess we liked the stars and plantes and stuff, could you make one blow up next time.”
“Dear Princess. Our teacher says I should write you a thank-you note for the telescope, even though it isn’t nearly as good as the one my father says he’ll get me.”
I didn’t go to their school.
Then a smile grew on her face as she looked at the drawings and realization sunk in. The school budget for dark blue and black crayons must have been totally destroyed, but it was well worth it. Drawings of her sister flying across the sky, drawings of her with the children. The faint chill of dark memories a millenium old briefly tightened her chest before being flooded by the warmth of love shown in the pictures. She arranged them so one was on top, a beautiful drawing of her sister with her wings unfolded posing with a group that could only be a self-portrait of the school fillies. And one happy grey pegasus with slightly offset eyes, holding a muffin.
Oh well, she thought. Duty before pleasure. Celestia summoned a quill and scroll and began to write.
Dear Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student,
Thank you for your letter, and please inform your brother that he should have my army back to Canterlot by tomorrow noon.
Princess Celestia
A puff of smoke later and the letter was on its way, leaving the Princess to sit in her room and quietly watch her little sister peacefully sleep.
