Good Morning, Class

A contented sigh escaped Spike's lips while he relaxed back in his chair in the classroom, the girls all making their way back in, "Dunno who whipped all that up, but I wouldn't mind getting a few of those recipes." He wiggled a toothpick between his fangs, "Chow here alone's worth it!"

"Sounds like someone enjoyed the cafeteria." The yellow pegasus-Fluttershy, accoring to the seating map-giggled a bit. Spike noticed she had on a snug-fitting pink blouse that hugged her large C-cup breasts and a ruffled white skirt showing off a pair of long, shapely legs. However, he was too busy basking in the aftermath of good grub to really worry.

"After getting thirds, I'm not surprised." Limestone responded as they all took their seats, "Made me feel full just watching."

"What can I say? I'm a big eater." He just grinned as the classroom door opened again.

This time, though, it was a rather massive light grey stallion that came in, wearing khaki trousers and a black tank top.

Spike blinked, 'Forget brick house, this guy's built like a concrete bunker!'

"AH, YOU MUST BE THE NEW TEACHER!" He suddenly shouted, almost tipping the chair over, "MY APOLOGIES FOR THE VOLUME, I SUFFERED A HEAD INJURY AS A COLT AND LOST MY PERSONAL VOLUME CONTROL! I'M BULK BICEPS, THE PHILOSOPHY TEACHER, BUT EVERYONE CALLS ME SNOWFLAKE!"

"N-Nice to meet you..." Spike replied, reeling a bit from the force.

"IT'S NICE TO SEE ANOTHER MALE ON CAMPUS; I HAVE A FEELING YOU AND I ARE GOING TO GET ALONG WELL!" With that, he turned to the girls, who were in the middle of putting on earmuffs and plugs, "NOW, I BELIEVE WE WERE GOING TO CONTINUE EXAMINING THE BASICS OF EXISTENTIALISM!"

Aside from the yelling, the class was pretty straightforward. It wasn't a subject Spike was too familiar with, so he didn't really pay much attention to the lesson. After a while, Bulk informed them to study up for a possible quiz and gave his goodbyes for the week before heading out.

"Mental note, get some earmuffs of my own..." Spike wiggled a finger in his ear when the door was shoved open, and pretty rudely at that, and greenish-grey stallion marched in like he owned everything, wearing a suit that practically screamed 'look at me! I have money!' The look on his face was already one of supreme arrogance, it quickly added a sneer when he looked at Spike.

"Humph, I always knew that mare would ruin this college." He spoke up, sounding like he expected everyone needed to know his opinion, "As if allowing this...'dress code' to continue, she's allowed a snot-nosed...kid to think he can be a teacher!"

Spike just looked at him, "Huh, who blew their nose in your breakfast?"

"And this just proves her lack of judgement." The stallion rolled his eyes, "I am Svengallop, the math instructor, now go back to your crayons and let the adult do his job!"

"Hey, he may look younger, but he's still your coworker, Svengallop!" Ember spoke up, already on her feet.

Svengallop whirled to look at the girls, "That's MISTER Svengallop to the lot of you!" He snapped, before focusing straight at Ember, this time a hint what looked like hate was in his expression, "And you'll do better to be silent when your betters are speaking, you filthy reptite brute...!"

The shocked gasp ripped through them, but even more noticeable from Ember. There was a sharp inhale as her eyes began tearing up. Svengallop not even trying to hide his smug satisfaction at the slur's effects only worsening it.

"I can't believe-!" Twilight almost whispered, thoroughly appalled.

Rainbow growled, "You son of a...!" Before either could finish what they were saying, a sound cut through everything, silencing everyone.

It was the slow, rubbery squeak of Spike's chair against the floor as he pushed it back.

"Hey, Flare, you remember which test we have next week?"

"I don't know, Derpy; keep thinking it's Chemistry or-"

The two mares in the hall stopped dead when they heard a shriek followed by a heavy thud from inside Room B-5. Before either could guess on what was going on, the door suddenly came crashing off its hinges, a pony tumbling out along with it as they both screamed in alarm.

Back in the room, the girls stared, silent shock etched on their faces at what they'd just seen. Spike, on the other hand, simply glowered at the now damaged entryway, "Pinkie, Gilda.' He said, still focused on the doorway, "Make sure Ember's ok. I'll be back in a little while." With that, he stalked out into the hall where they soon heard him, "C'mere you...!" He growled out something that most recognized as the dragons' old native language, but only a few understood it, if the intense blushes Ember, Twilight, the one named Moondancer, Gabby, and surprisingly enough, Pinkie were now sporting.

"I...I don't think that's anatomically possible...!" Twilight squeaked, cheeks blazing red.

"N-Not without a caulking gun and a duck!" Pinkie added.

Outside, Svengallop's now pained voice was heard, "Wha..AH! St-stop! OW! Unhand me..! How dare you--!"

Spike's growl cut him off, "I can drag you to Cadance's office, or the morgue. Your choice." a fearful whimper was heard, "Smart pony."

As the yelps of pain trailed off, Gilda was the first to speak up, "Um...anyone else not sure if they should be touched he's already this protective of the class, or kinda scared that he actually sounded intimidating just then?"

"P-pretty much." Spitfire responded, wiping her forehead off.

"Same here." Saffron threw in.

Juniper nodded, "Ditto..."

"Why not both?" Pinkie asked, "I'm feeling rather intouchmitated myself!"

In the hall, the two mares were too startled to do much of anything as they watched the battered math teacher...or 'instructor' as he kept demanding they call him, get dragged outside by his poofy mane by what appeared to be an angry ten-year-old.

"Derpy...you see what I saw??" Flare looked at her classmate, only to see her staring wide-eyed at the dragon, her face glowing scarlet. "Derpy?"

"That doesn't sound fun or comfortable, even with lube...!"

"You're a real piece of work, you know!" Spike grumbled, dragging Svengallop across the campus, "If it'd been just me you called names, this would've ended a hell of a lot better for you. I'd have just given you a broken nose if you called me that; nothing some reconstructive surgery couldn't fix. But no! You just HAD to go after one of my students!

"Ow! Y-yours!? gah! No they...OW!" The stallion squealed in pain from a hard yank on his mane.

"I'm the homeroom teacher, you self-absorbed-!" He growled something else in Old Draconic, "My classroom, my students! I intend to take my job seriously!" He continued to mutter as he made his way to the offices.

"Um, I think Trottingham's the only town in Equestria where it's still legal to use a cheese grater like that." Yearling commented idly from nearby, hearing one of his remarks in draconic, and trying not to laugh at Svengallop's predicament.

"I don't think the cafeteria'll spare one for that kinda use...but then again, it is Svengallop we're talkin' 'bout." One of the language teachers, a pale gold-colored mare by the name of Ms. Peachbottom, added.

Cadance glanced up from her work when she heard the door open, "Something wrong, Spike....aaand why are you dragging the math teacher in by his mane?"

"Well, to start with, I should let you know that B-5's classroom door is broken."

She slowly raised an eyebrow. Judging from the somewhat dark look on her newest teacher's face, and the teary whimpering of Svengallop, it was safe to guess that she was going to be angry at one of them. Very angry, "And exactly how did it break?"

"When I threw this asshole through it for insulting one of my students."

"C-Cadance!" Svengallop managed to get out after the pain subsided, trying to get Spike's hand off his mane, "This little hellion...!"

"Shut it, Svengallop!" She snapped, "You'll get to give your excuse soon enough!" She focused her attention back to Spike, "Now, I'm going to have to ask what he called her exactly, so he can explain himself."

"'Filthy reptite brute' I believe it was..." Spike' knuckles cracked audibly. The stallion let out a squeal of pain and grabbed his scalp, indicating Spike had just torn out some hair in the process.

"The damn lizard should've known better than...AH-HAAHAA!!" He screamed when more hair came out in Spike's hand, a few follicles visible.

Yep, she wasn't going to be just angry..."Svengallop..." She started, the deathly calm tone she used actually making Spike gulp slightly, "Congratulations, you've just given me more than enough reason to fire your ass!"

"F-Fire me!? You can't! My tenure...!"

"Well, that's where your math was WAY off; your tenure wasn't due to start until the next term." Cadance smiled when he started to sputter. "Then again, you would've figured that out if you weren't so busy getting into arguments with other teachers over petty crap. You were hired to teach Math, not stick your nose into their business and tell them how YOU think they should treat their subjects...and trying to give yourself fancy-sounding titles just made you look like an even bigger dickhead than you are; you're a 'teacher', same as everyone else! Or, you were."

"Wait! Please, I...!" Svengallop pleaded, quickly realizing his situation. He was screwed.

She stepped over to the file cabinet and began to rifle through a drawer, ignoring him. "And let's not forget the less than complementary things teachers AND students have heard you refer to them as, 'an army of sluts' I recall being one you used often...even though you claimed it was just 'a personal opinion', yet you always seemed to say it right when someone was in earshot." She tossed a paper on the desk, "Now, I'm a big enough filly to admit my mistakes, and hiring you has turned out to be a VERY big one on my part. Thankfully, I can rectify that. Mr. Svengallop, you have exactly thirty minutes to pack up your things and get off campus." Candance looked at Spike, "You can let him go now." Her horn began glowing brightly, "He knows what I can do to him if he tries anything. Besides, I believe you have a student who could use her homeroom teacher right now."

"Yeah, I should do that." He let go of the now blubbering pony's mane, shaking off the loose hair, and turned to head out.

"Oh, and Spike." She gave him a pointed look, "Don't forget, you and I still have a few details to finish out once classes are done."

"Oh, oh yeah." He nodded slightly, thinking the trip back to his place was definitely going to be interesting.

Once he got back to the classroom, he noticed it looked like the girls had managed to recover a little. Ember was currently in a hug sandwich courtesy of Pinkie and Twilight. A quick look at the damage showed the door itself was ok, but the hinges had been ripped right out of the frame, bent to Tartarus and back. 'Hope that's not gonna be too much of my paycheck...' He thought before going in. What little chatter that had been going on quickly stopped when he entered, everyone staring at him with a mix of shock, surprise, befuddlement, and a little more awe. "Sorry 'bout the wait." He said, not really paying attention to the looks, "Just let Cadance know about the door. How's Ember holding up?"

"Oh, uh, I...I'm doing ok." She replied, wiping an eye, "Can't believe a teacher would be willing to say something like that, though...!"

"Yeah, every walk of life has its douchebags. If it helps, he won't be coming back to class. Ever."

"Well, can't say I'm surprised." The almost marshmallow-colored mare in the back...Rarity, if he ready the seating right, spoke up, "Never liked him to begin with. Seriously, what respectable individual wears a peacock blue business suit? YEUCH!"

That seemed to cheer Ember up a little if the scattered giggles were any indication.

"Right...so, since we don't really know when a new teacher is gonna be hired, I'll go ahead and fill in for now." He picked up one of the textbooks lying on the floor, "Anyone tell me what you were working on last time?"