Suri Polomare groaned as she patrolled the outside of the museum. Ever since her business was ruined, she had been forced to find work. She had tried her own hooves at dressmaking, but Rarity's business made it a fruitless effort. She then tried several other jobs; being a waitress, a personal assistant, a babysitter, a cat burglar, a rock farmer, etc.; but she had gotten fired every time for such stupid reasons like 'having a bad attitude' and 'being lazy' and 'not doing the job'. She tried moving in with her parents and mooching off, I mean, borrowing from them, but her stupid brother convinced them to make her go get a job and her own residence like the jerk he is. She tried to live in an alley with the other homeless people, but they kicked her out because 'she had always mocked them and flaunted her success in their faces and blah blah blah'.
She finally managed to secure a job as a night guard for the Manehatten Museum of History. Her job was to patrol the outside of the museum from 11:00 PM to 5:00 AM. It was lame and hindered her beauty sleep, but at least it payed well enough.
"What is taking so long?" Suri asked to nopony in particular. "It should already be five by now."
"It is."
Suri jumped in fright, I mean, surprise when another patrol guard come up from behind her. "Well, it's about time. What took you so long?"
The stallion gave her a dry look. "It just turned five, dude."
"I am not a dude, m'kay?"
The stallion rolled his eyes. "Just go."
"Fine." With that, Suri left. After putting away her guard outfit, she decided to take a stroll through central park while Celestia raised the sun. She laid down on a bench and started to fall asleep. However, she then heard a rustle in a nearby push, which caused her to awake. Figuring it was just an animal, Suri laid her head back down only for the rustling to become louder. Now a bit wary, Suri got off the bench and looked around.
The sunrise painted the sky orange and cast a beautiful glow on the park, but also left much shadow that made it hard to identify something out of the ordinary. "Uhh, hello?" Suri called out. "I don't appreciate being stalked, m'kay?"
Just then, a red and white ball was thrown from the other side of a bush. It sailed through the air and hit Suri on the forehead before opening up. A red beam came out and engulfed Suri before she could even process what was happening. The next thing she knew, she was trapped inside the little ball. "What the hay?! How'd the- When the- Why the- What?!"
The ball shook three times before resting peacefully on the ground with a click.
"Yes!" A white Earth pony with a red mane jumped out of from behind the bush and scooped up the ball with her hoof. She wore a cap on her head that resembled the ball she threw and a saddle that held an assortment of items that she felt she would need. She smiled with absolute glee as she looked upon the ball. "FInally! My very first Pokemon!"
"Poke-what?" Suri called from inside the ball. "I'm a pony!"
"Now, what am I gonna call you? Hmm..."
"My name is Suri, m'kay?"
"I think I'll call you... Suri." The mare decided despite not hearing Suri. "My name is Poki and you're gonna help me become a Pokemon master!"
Suri had no idea what this crazy pony was talking about. All she knew is that she didn't like being trapped inside a ball. "Just let me out, you weirdo!"
"First thing to do is get you leveled up. So, let's go!" With that, Poki Mare ran off to find some Pokemon to battle.
"Well, here we are in Kanto." Poki said as she walked through one of Kanto's many Pokemon infested forests. "I have no idea how I got here, but I don't care. Let's find a Pokemon for Suri to fight." After looking around, she set her eyes on a funny looking cat thing with a golden coin on it's forehead sleeping on a log. "A Meowth! Perfect!" She took a Pokeball out and threw it, releasing Suri.
Suri looked around in confusion before turning and seeing the mare who kidnapped her. "What's the big idea?!"
"I want you to attack that Meowth and level up." Poki answered as she pointed to the cream-colored Pokemon.
Suri looked at the Pokemon then back to her kidnapper. "What, the cat? Ya just want me to attack that cat... thing?"
"Yes." The insane mare answered in a nonchalant tone.
"...FIne, but then you gotta let me go, m'kay?" With that, Suri walked over to the Meowth, before turning and bucking him off the log. "There, I did it. Happy now?" However, before Poki could say anything, the Meowth jumped into the air, it's claws growing and glowing, and landed on Suri, viciously attacking her in a ball of violence. "Yeeouch! Ouch! Stop it! Oww! Owie! Pain! Oww! Ouch, m'kay!"
Once the Meowth was done, Suri's entire person was covered in scratch marks. She limped over to Poki. "What was the point of that?" She said through clenched teeth.
"Okay, obviously you need a different kind of opponent." Poki took out Suri's Pokeball, which then opened and a red beam engulfed Suri again.
"Oh, cra-" That's all Suri could get out before being trapped inside the Pokeball again.
"Now, what Pokemon can you effectively fight?" Poki placed a hoof on her chin and puzzled. "...Eh, I guess we'll just have to fight a bunch of them until we find something you can beat.
"Is this suppose to be a rat or something?" Suri asked as she stared down a yellow mouse with red circles on it's cheeks.
"Electric mouse, to be precise." Poki answered.
"Whatever-Wait, electric?!"
"Pikachuuu!"
ZAP.
Suri screamed as Pikachu used Thunder Bolt, electrocuting her.
Poki looked on with nonchalance. "Hmm... You know-"
ZAP.
"-come to-"
ZAP.
"-think of it-"
ZAP.
"-fighting a-"
ZAP.
"-Pikachu-"
ZAP.
"-probably-"
ZAP.
"-wasn't-"
ZAP.
"-a good idea-"
ZAP.
"-was it?"
Suri was charred black, her mane and tail sticking straight up and smoke coming off her body. She coughed up a puff of smoke before disintegrating.
"I'll take that as a 'no'."
Suri was helpless as a giant purple king cobra wrapped itself around squeezing her to where her eyes were close to popping out of her skull.
"Well, I guess we can go ahead and rule out Onyx."
"Get me out of here! It smells like plants and stomach acid!" Suri screamed out. Her frontal body was stuck inside the body of a giant yellow eggplant-looking thing while she kicked her hind legs in vain.
"Well, Victreebel is kind of a plant and your halfway to it's stomach, so..."
Suri screamed as a three tailed bull chased her through a rocky plain.
"You go, Suri!" Poki cheered. "You show that load of bull who's boss!"
"That's not exactly what I'm-" Before Suri could finish, Tauros had caught up and headbutted her rear, knocking her into the air. She screamed until she landed, her head breaking into the ground.
"Well... at least you out ran him for a while. That's progress."
A yellow psychic thing with a mustache and two spoons in it's hands lifted Suri up with his telekinesis and flung her all over the place, bouncing her against tree after tree.
Poki could have sworn she heard pinball sounds.
Suri got green in the face as her body was stuck inside a purple blob of filth.
"I kinda forgot the Muk is made of poison... and smells like rotten sewage." Poki admitted as she held a hoof over her nose. "Sorry about that."
Suri vomited.
Suri and Poki both feel asleep as an adorable pink ball sang her song. Once the Jigglypuff realized they fell asleep, she angrily brought out a marker and scribbled all over their faces.
"I-I-Is that a d-dragon?!" Suri asked nervously as she stared into the eyes of a red dragon-lizard thing with a flame on the tip of it's tail.
"Well, kinda."
"Is that your answer for all these Pokemon things?" Suri asked in a annoyed tone.
"Yes. By the way, Charmeleon's are Fire-types, so watch-"
Charmeleon opened it's mouth and used Flamethrower.
"-out."
Suri turned to run only for her plot to be set on fire. "AAAHHHH!" Shen then ran around the forest yelling "Myplotmyplotmyplotmyplotmyplotmyplotmyplotmyplotmyplot!" After what felt like an eternity, Suri found a lake and jumped into it, sighing with relief once she popped her head out of the water.
Suddenly, Poki appeared at the edge of the lake."You wanna try Water-types instead?"
"I hate you, m'kay? I hate you so much."
Poki pushed Suri, who was presently trapped in a block of ice with an expression of pain frozen on her face, away from danger. "Apparently, Ice-types wasn't a good idea either."
"Achoo! I-I think I'm a-a-achoo... Allergic to this one. A-Achoo!" Suri said as a purple butterfly thing spread it's powder around her.
"Well, look on the bright side; it didn't put you to sleep or poison you."
"Okay, Suri, let's see if you can take this one." Poki threw the Pokeball, releasing Suri once again.
Suri looked up in horror to see four-armed humanoid beast looking down at her. "Oh, buck this!" Suri turned and tried to run away only for Machamp to grab her by the tail and drag her towards him. She was dangled upside down as Machamp hit her in the face with his lowers hands as if she were a punching bag.
"Just hang in there, Suri! I know you can beat him!"
With his four arms and super strength, Machamp stretched out and twisted Suri's body. The poor mare could do nothing as the Superpower Pokemon used her for origami.
"...Then again, maybe not." Poki rubbed the back of her neck in guilt before being grabbed by Machamp.
Hold both ponies by the neck and grabbing there bodies with his other hands, Machamp stretched the two out and slingshotted them into the air, sending them flying a mile away.
Suri had the most bemused look on her face when a 'fight' with a Sandslash ended with her buried in the ground from the neck down.
Poki sighed and sat next to her head. "This has not gone like I expected."
"Ya think?"
"How could my Pokemon journey have become such a flop?"
"Maybe because... I AM NOT A POKEMON!"
"Well, I couldn't catch any real Pokemon, so I figured I would use something else as one."
Suri rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Just get me out of this hole and let me go!"
"But I still need a Pokemon." Poki scratched her chin. "...I know! You help me catch a Pokemon and I'll let you go."
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not good with Pokemon, m'kay?"
"Don't worry, we'll go after an easy one. And I know the easiest one..."
Suri glared at Poki as she dangled upside down from a sticky silk thread, one end wrapped around her legs and the other around a tree trunk..
Poki just stared at her. "...I didn't know a Caterpie could do that."
Suri just continued glaring.
"Oh, wait. I know something easier! A Pokemon that can't even do anything. You can't lose!"
"...A fish?" Suri raised an eyebrow at the big orange fish at her hooves.
"Magikarp. The weakest Pokemon ever discovered. All he can do is splash and flop around."
Suri looked from the crazy mare to the fish and punted the pathetic thing into the water. "There. I won. I'm going now."
"...But I didn't catch it."
"Look, I don't give a flying feather if you caught it or not! You've dragged me around this crazy place and made me fight these Pokewhatevers and I'm done!"
Unbeknownst to the two, a white light shined in the water. It grew bigger and bigger and bigger before fading. A creature then slowly emerged from the surface of the water.
"I would rather be working my stupid night shift job-"
"Uhh, Suri?"
"-and sleeping on a park bench-"
"Suri?"
"-then deal with a psychotic idiot obsessed with-"
"Suri?!"
"What?!"
Poki, the nonchalant expression she had held for most of the day replaced with a look of terror, pointed to something behind Suri. "Behind you..."
Suri slowly turned and looked up to see the most terrifying thing she had ever seen. A blue sea serpent with an open maw that looked perpetually angry. A Gyarados.
"RUN!" Poki screamed.
The two quickly started running away.
The Gyarados fired a Hyper Beam at the two, blasting them into the air.
And Poki exclaimed as they flew out of site, "Looks like we're blasting off again!"
The two ended up back in the the forest, bouncing off the belly of a Snorlax. Suri got caught on the branch of a tree while Poki landed in a thorn bush.
The crazy mare crawled through the bush, but not at all unscathed. Thorns stuck into her flesh and the vines wrapped around her. By the time, she got out, she was wearing a dress of thorny vines. She torn the the thing off and limped away, trying to figure out where she was. As she looked around, she stepped on something. She looked down to find she had stepped on a orange caterpillar-like Pokemon. "Oh, a Weedle... Wait a minute." She froze as she realized the severity of her situation. "If... If there's a Weedle, then that means..."
A dozen giant bees with humongous stingers on their hands appeared and ganged up on the poor mare.
"Oh, no! Not the Beedrills! Not the Beedrills! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
The next day...
Suri laid in her hospital bed with her forelegs crossed, wishing that any other pony could have shared the room with her.
On the bed beside her, Poki watched a survival show about a group of ponies journeying through the Everfree Forest and examining the creatures within. "Hey, I know! I should do a TV show where I go through Kanto and the other regions while examining Pokemon. What do you think?"
"Kill yourself." Suri deadpanned.
"You think it'll be that dangerous?"
"I hope."
Author's Note
Don't bother trying to use logic here.
