The Syndrome Playlist

“Welcome to Canterlot High, Alex!”

There’s about a minute of silence as I’m standing there, mouth open in shock, and they’re staring at me with genuine smiles on their faces.

A girl with neon blue striped hair and sunglasses sitting behind what looks like a professional sound system shrugs and gives me a nod before pressing a button. House electronic music starts playing through the speakers.

Knocked out of my trance, I immediately turn around with intent to flee. To my horror, a girl with blue eyes and cotton candy pink hair is waiting behind me. Her smile seems to take up half her face, which is now centimeters away from mine.

“Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh huh huh?” she says at a mile a minute. I’m about to reply, or at least try and get away, but she keeps going. “Y'see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all "hello" and I was all…” Pinkie Pie gasps theatrically before carrying on. “Remember? Y'see I've never saw you before and if I've never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everyone, and I mean everyone in Canterlot! And if you're new, that meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, then I had an idea, and that's why I went…” Pinkie Pie gasps yet again before continuing with, ‘I must throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Canterlot High!’ See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!”

I blink a few times in response. That was at least a five-minute conversation thrown into about seven seconds. I don’t think she took a breath unless for dramatic effect. Christ, I can barely process what the hell just happened.

Pinkie Pie beams at me before yelling, “Who wants a cupcake?!”

And with that, I find an entire chocolate cupcake shoved into my mouth.

Not only is this the best damned cupcake I’ve ever had, she didn’t even bother to ask… Well, she did technically ask if I wanted a cupcake, but I didn’t respond! What if I’m allergic to gluten? Or diabetic? Or… Holy shiznit, this thing is filled with orange icing! That’s like my favorite desert combination ever.

Tears form in my eyes and I try to say thank you, but you know there’s an entire cupcake in mouth, so I just spew crumbs everywhere. Smooth. Pinkie Pie seems to get it though, and gives me a somehow even wider smile.“Come on, let’s introduce you to everyone!”

Pinkie Pie grabs my arm and yanks me backward. Leading me around the gymnasium, she does as advertised and introduces me to everyone. I’m gonna be honest, I’m terrible with names. Like, I’ll recognize your face, but I’m forgetting your name in about five seconds unless it’s part of conversation for an hour. Just to get it drilled into my thick skull. But, by God, that isn’t going to stop Pinkie.

“This is Lyra, and Bon Bon, they’re best friends. Hi, Octavia! She’s really good on the second biggest wooden string thing. Talk to Treehugger for a really good time. And don’t forget…”

I finally finish the cupcake of the gods. “Hey Pinkie?”

“…Vinyl Scratch, or DJ Pon-3 as her stage name, is up there. HI, VINYL! Over there by the punch is Snips, ooh, and right next to him is Snails.”

“Pinkie.”

“There’s also Minuette, Photo Finish, Rose, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, Flash Sentry, Bulk Biceps, Micro Chips, Sandalwood, Cherry Crash, Mystery Mint, Wiz Kid, Valhallen, and Unnamed Kid Number 34 works at Canterlot Mall…”

I slam my hand over Pinkie’s mouth. She stops talking and looks at me.

“Pinkie,” I say, “I appreciate your efforts to show me to everyone, but can we slow it down a notch? At the pace we’re going, my head’s about to explode. Cool?”

Pinkie nods before licking my palm. I pull it back and start wiping it on my jeans while she giggles.

“Okie-dokie-lokie! But let me introduce you to the six best people ever! Follow me!”

Taking me through the crowd of students, who are either socializing or dancing poorly, we eventually come to the back corner of the gym where there’s a bit of empty space. Standing there are six familiar faces.

Pinkie stops and swings her arm in a gesture towards everyone. “Girls, this is Alex! Alex, this is Sunset Shimmer!”

Sunset gives a little wave, smirking.

“Uh, Pinkie…” I start to say.

“And Rarity!”

Rarity gives a curtsy with a knowing smile on her face.

“Seriously, Pinkie…” I try interrupting.

Pinkie points at Rainbow Dash, continuing with, “And Rainbow Dash is our resident sports superstar!”

Rainbow Dash is about to say something, but I beat her to the punch by, again, putting my hand over Pinkie’s mouth. Man, am I going to have to do this every time I want her to stop talking? Pinkie immediately licks my hand and I pull it back with a yelp. “Pinkie, gross. And I kinda know everyone already.”

Pinkie Pie just stares at me intensely for a couple of seconds. I glance over to Sunset and mouth, “Help me.”

Sunset walks over and puts a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder, informing her, “Rarity and I met him in study hall.”

Applejack tilts her hat back. “Ran into him in the actual hall.”

Rainbow Dash scratches her head. “Physics, I think?”

Fluttershy hides behind her hair and mumbles something incomprehensible, face reddening with each passing moment. Glad to know she remembers this morning.

Twilight’s face reddens as she stammers out, “He asked for my number in calculus.”

Everyone turns to look at me. I wave my hands back and forth in front of me frantically. “No, no! Not like that! I’m just an idiot that needs help in high-tier math.”

While they all laugh at my expense, I glance over at Pinkie, who is still giving me an almost dead stare.

“Uh, Pinkie? You okay?” I ask.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie leaps onto me, holding on like a koala to a tree. “Oh, all my bestest best friends already know my new best friend! This is going to be so much fun! Whee! Who wants another cupcake?!”

Before I can wrap my head around this turn of events, Pinkie shoves another cupcake into my mouth.