Discord's School for Padded Princesses

“Okay, I think that's the last of them,” Twilight said, putting a stamp on the paperwork. “Send this off, please, Spike.”

Spike duly did so, breathing a flicker of flame onto the stack Twilight provided and making it vanish in a puff of green fire.

“Thank you, Spike,” Twilight said, sighing with relief.

“I'm surprised you're reacting like that,” Spike said, picking his comic back up. “I thought you liked doing lists and smart pony stuff like that.”

“Well, yes, it is interesting,” Twilight began. “But… it's not as interesting as it could be, and it's definitely not as fun as I imagined being a Princess would be. I used to dream about helping Princess Celestia, but for some reason I didn't imagine so much of it being work.”

Spike sniggered.

“And I've got a whole day of meetings tomorrow, too…” the Princess added. “Firstly with Starlight, to see how she's getting on, and then with the local governmental planning board…”

She stopped, as a familiar shape emerged from Spike's comic book. Appearing as an artistically drawn piece of brushwork, Discord laughed.

“Oh ho ho,” he said, scratching his chin. “Interesting! I didn't realize-”

“Why do you look like that?” Spike interrupted. “That's nothing like the comic book style.”

“Some people don't realize what spirit of chaos means,” Discord said, deflating a bit and turning back to his normal self. “But I hear that the Princess of Friendship is having trouble getting to grips with being a Princess!”

“Discord, this isn't the time,” Twilight tried.

“Of course it is!” Discord replied, with a smirk. “Because the Discord Academy for Perfect Princesses – name not final – is just about to enroll a new class of students!”

He leaned down to stage-whisper to Spike. “Funny how these things work out...”

Twilight opened her mouth to protest, but Discord snapped his claws and both of them vanished.

Spike waited a moment, then picked up his comic book again.

“Wonder what it'll be this time...” he said, absently.

Spike flipped open the comic book, skipping the first few pages upon noticing they simply depicted the last few minutes of Discord’s sudden appearance and stealing away of Twilight. Flipping to a new page, the scene depicted Celestia and Luna sitting at their breakfast table. The picture began to grind into motion, the faint sound of a projector whirring to life emanating from the book as well.

“Would you pass the syrup, Luna?” Celestia asked, placing her hoof out in anticipation for the bottle. Luna rolled her eyes and levitated it over to her hoof, Celestia taking the bottle out of the air and beginning to pour it over her waffles.

“Are you sure that’s wise, sister? You’ve already eaten half a bottle’s worth, and clearly the sugar has made you forget you have magic as well.” Luna joked, biting down on a few haybacon strips as Celestia waved her hoof dismissively after drowning her waffles in syrup. “I’m surprised you’ve managed to maintain your figure with so many sweets. Imagine what our subjects would say when they see you waddle out onto your thrown! It’d be quite un-pr-“

“Did somepony say, unprincess-like?” Discord asked as he appeared from under the table, dressed as a waiter and balancing several dishes upon his head and tail. Celestia and Luna looked at him mid-chew, blinking a few times. “Oh, pooh, I jumped the gun, didn’t I? Well, you can’t blame me, when I’m about to have the sun and moon princesses (or I suppose would-be-princesses if my school is to prove itself true to its name) attending my classes!” He proclaimed. He snapped his fingers, both Celestia and Luna suddenly vanishing in a flash of light, leaving Discord balancing his dishes alone. “Alright, that’s three down, now who am I forgetting?” He tilted his head to one side as his tapped his chin, the pile of cups upon his head remaining balanced even at 90 degrees. “Ah, right!” He vanished once again, the porcelain crashing to the floor as he did.

“I'm sorry, what?” Shining Armor asked, looking at his beloved wife. “Run that by me again?”

“I know, it's ridiculous,” Cadence agreed. “But, technically speaking, when I'm out of the city then it's Flurry Heart who's in charge.”

She raised a hoof. “You do still have authority, but it's as Flurry's regent – don't ask me, it doesn't make much sense to me either, but it's because you married into the royal family.”

They both looked over at the little alicorn foal, who waved at them happily.

“So… does that also apply to Equestria?” Shining asked.

Cadence looked at the Royal Archivist, who nodded in confirmation. “Indeed. While Princess Sparkle has a greater claim, in the event of the four adult Princesses being absent simultaneously from Equestria it is Princess Flurry Heart who is the interim ruler.”

“Great...” Shining sighed. “Laws are weird.”

“Look on the bright side,” Cadence said. “That's never going to come up.”

“I'll take it!” said a voice from nowhere.

Shining looked around, confused, until Discord unzipped a pot plant which had been in the corner of the room and jumped out.

“Discord!” Cadence said. “What are you – you're not going to harm a hair on Flurry's head!”

“Absolutely correct!” Discord agreed readily. “But let me ask you both a question. Wouldn't it be great if you did have the same authority as your sister slash babysittee, Princess Sparkle?”

Completely thrown, Shining answered the question honestly. “I suppose it'd make more sense, at least to do with the Crystal-”

“Good enough for me!” Discord said, and snapped his fingers again.

Both Cadence and Shining vanished.

Flurry Heart looked vaguely confused, then started to pout.

“Oh, don't be like that!” Discord told her, giving her a lollipop. “Your Highness.”

He glanced over at the archivist. “You might want to occupy her as soon as possible.”

As the pony rushed to comply, Discord put on a thinking cap – a hat festooned with bulbs, which lit up in unusual patterns as he concentrated. “There's not nearly enough students enrolled yet… aha! I know!”

Taking the Thinking Cap off again and hanging it upside down over Flurry's crib, he vanished again.

“Trixie, please, I do not need to see more of your teacups…” Starlight said, following Trixie into another room in which several shelves of fancy teacups were on display. Trixie simply tutted, levitating over a few more of the cups.

“Starlight, did Twilight not tell you that part of being a good friend is allowing your friends to share their interests with you? And Trixie has some rather interesting pieces in this room! Just look at this one, it was made all the way in Yakyakistan! Celestia knows why, they have no magic or other means of holding them in their hooves.”

“But, Trixie, we’ve been looking at your teacup collection for three hours…” Starlight answered, trying, and failing, to stop herself from whining. Trixie glared at Starlight, scrunching her muzzle a bit as she placed the teacup back onto its shelf.

“Well, I suppose I’ll just have to inform Twilight about-“ Trixie was cut off by one of her teacups jumping down off of its shelf, bouncing off the couch to land on the table before the two ponies. The little grey cup looked up at Trixie and Starlight, a grin crossing its surface as two yellow eyes popped into existence.

“Oh, was there something you wanted to tell Twilight? Well, I can be sure to pass along the message! Though I suppose it would be easier to have you two do it, wouldn’t it?” Discup said, grinning widely. Before either Starlight or Trixie could respond, they vanished in a puff of smoke, Trixie’s hat fluttering to the floor. “Well, I suppose that’s enough princesses… or close enough. After all, who ever heard of a non-pony princess…” Discord’s chuckling subsided as an idea came to him. “Ooooohh… maybe somepony else wouldn’t mind being my guest~”

Spike tapped the pages uncertainly. “This is all very well, but is this going to stay transformed? Because I was looking forward to the latest issue of the Power Ponies.”

“I'd better not be hearing any dragons complaining,” Discord replied, his voice oddly flat. “Because I've got some very loose definitions of Princess today.”

Spike gulped. “That's fine, thank you!”

Dragon Lord Ember tapped the tip of her staff against the basalt she was sitting on.

“So… let me go over this again,” she said. “You were lost.”

“Gah, yes!” Gilda confirmed, claws clenched. “Why is this so hard to understand!”

“Because you're days away from Griffinstone,” Ember replied. “I'm not sure how you could possibly get that lost.”

“I was going to see a friend, okay?” Gilda said. “Or, sort of friend. I hope she's a friend. You know, one of those.”

“I do, actually,” Ember confirmed. “That doesn't mean your story has merit. Who could you have possibly been visiting?”

“Rainbow Dash, she's-”

“Never mind,” Ember halted her. “That's good enough for me.”

“Glad to hear it,” Gilda said, a little sarcastically.

“Watch it,” one of Ember's guards said. “Or the Dragon Lord will smite you!”

“Dragon Lord?” Gilda repeated. “But… aren't you a girl?”

“Yes?” Ember asked. “So?”

“I'd have thought a girl ruler would be a Dragon Lady.”

“What about a Dragoness lord?” asked the other guard. “Or Princess, Princess is popular.”

Ember was about to reply, then paused. “I… have only one guard.”

“Oops, spotted again,” Discord said, putting away his guard costume. “I should really get these from a better shop.”

“Uh… who are you? And what are you? You look like somepony got bored, like, seven different times when they were drawing.” Gilda asked, cocking her head slightly as she looked at the strange patchwork creature that stood beside her. Discord puffed out his chest, placing his hooves on his hips as he struck an overly dramatic pose.

“Why, I’m Discord, your new principal, of course! And it really is wonderful to meet someone else who knows some of the animators! I swear, there’s so few ponies who have existential crises any more!” Discord shook Gilda’s claw before turning to face Ember. “And it’s an absolute pleasure to meet a dragon who isn’t still in diapers!”

“Hey!” Spike said, glaring down at Discord.

“Well, for now, that is.” Discord gave an overdramatic wink to Ember as he poked her with his elbow. Ember raised an eyebrow and was about to ask what that was supposed to mean, but was cut off by Discord again. “BUT! There’s no need to dwell on things! Especially because class is about to start! And you two wouldn’t want to be tardy on the first day, would you?” He snickered, and with another snap of his fingers, he, Gilda, and Ember all vanished, leaving the lone dragon guard dumbstruck.

Twilight groaned as she sat up, rubbing her eyes as her head ached slightly. “Bluuuuh, Discord, what are you doing this time?” She asked no one, trying to identify her surroundings. She soon realized she was sitting at a rather small desk, quills and ink placed out in front of her. She looked around, noticing Celestia and Luna sitting on opposite sides of her. They too began to stir and awaken, along with Trixie, Starlight, and Gilda in front. Twilight turned around to spot Cadence, Shining Armor, and Ember sitting in the back row, everypony looking just as confused as she was.

“What the hay just happened?” Starlight asked, sounding groggy. “Weren't we somewhere else?”

“I'm not sure of the specifics,” Twilight admitted. “But I think Discord's messing around with us again. I don't know why all of you are here, though...”

“None of us do,” Shining agreed. “There was something about-”

“Sparkle, Twilight,” a dry voice said from the front of the room.

“Here!” Twilight replied automatically, then blinked, focusing on the speaker. “Hey!”

Discord looked over a pair of severe glasses, his eyes going up to look at Twilight for a moment before returning to the ledger in front of him. “Glimmer, Starlight.”

“Okay, enough of this,” Gilda said, trying to get out of her desk. “I'm gonna-”

“Well, that's everyone,” Discord said, closing the ledger and throwing it over his shoulder. It hit the wall, then blossomed outwards into a large chart with a set of cutie marks and two other symbols on it. “Now, I must say I'm very disappointed to see that none of you have the right uniform!”

“What's all this about, Discord?” Celestia said. “Aren't you supposed to be behaving now?”

“I said I'd be friends,” Discord replied. “Nothing at all was said about behaving. But speaking of that, none of you are making a good first impression.”

“What the hay is going on!?” Gilda demanded, still unable to get out of her desk.

“Why, you're all enrolled, of course!” Discord announced grandly. “In the Discord Academy for Little Princesses.”

He gestured to the banner over the blackboard, which included a footnote stating that the title was not final.

“But let's get the uniform sorted out before we go any further,” he went on. “It's really lowering the tone of the classroom to have so many pupils not properly dressed.”

Starlight groaned. If there was one thing she was glad she would never have to deal with again from her days in Canterlot Academy, it was the drab uniforms. Always too tight, and the teachers were always picky if there was so much as a crease out of line… Discord glanced over to the pink unicorn, giving a sly grin. “I suppose you’ll do nicely to start with.” He grinned, flicking his paw and causing Starlight to levitate up out of her seat. Starlight inwardly chastised herself for drawing Discord’s attention, but soon calmed herself down. She supposed it couldn’t be that bad. Discord might have a penchant for the absurd, but whatever costume she was about to wear, it would likely only hurt her dignity.

As expected, a small shirt and wool-knit vest appeared in the air, along with an unfortunately short skirt. However, there was another article of clothing floating along with the others that Starlight didn’t recognize at first. It wasn’t until it unfolded and flew towards her that she made the connection.

“WHAT?! NO! No way, uh-uh, I am not wearing a diaper!” Starlight shrieked, lifting her legs up in the air as the diaper flew by beneath her. Discord twirled his paw as the diaper spun back around, aiming for Starlight’s rear. She struggled against the magic, her own horn glowing for a moment before fading back down once again. Starlight’s eyes crossed as she looked up at her horn, but her vision was quickly obscured by the shirt and vest pulling themselves over her. The diaper wrapped around her rear, crinkling as the tapes secured themselves and the skirt was tugged around her as well.

Starlight was dropped back onto her seat with an unceremonious pomf, leaving the unicorn blushing furiously as she tugged at her skirt. No matter how she pulled, the skirt did nothing to hide the thick, puffy garment cushioning her seat, and everypony stared at her, then to Discord, then back at Starlight.

“There we are, I’d say the new uniforms look rather stunning, don’t you? But, we’re already behind schedule! I best hurry things up!” Discord clapped his hands, and with several puffs of what smelled like foal-powder, everypony soon found themselves sitting in the same uniform as Starlight. Dress, diaper, and all.

“...why?” Shining asked, looking at his dress in resignation.

“I think it looks cute, at least,” Cadence tried.

“It's obvious!” Discord announced. “This is a Princess Academy, therefore there are only Princesses here and there's no need for a male uniform. Logic!”

Twilight loudly groaned at this unusual definition of the term logic, but Discord kept talking over her. “Now, let's start the first class with an introductory presentation on the school!”

He cracked his tail, and a projector dropped from the ceiling. The lights went down, and a white blind that hadn't been there a moment ago rolled down over the blackboard to provide a white projection surface.

“Okay, joke's over,” Celestia said, sounding unamused. “You've had your fun, Discord, and it is a funny joke that less than half the class consists of actual princesses, but we do have things to do today.”

In reply, Discord simply started the presentation.

Another Discord jumped onto the screen, this one rendered in a very old-cartoon style, and waved. “Hello, girls! My name's Discord, and welcome to your first day at the Discord Academy for Padded Foals!”

The larger Discord coughed, and the one on the screen looked shifty. “For Princesses,” he corrected. “Here you'll learn all about the different things a princess needs to learn! We hope you'll enjoy yourselves and join our list of satisfied alumni, currently consisting of Insert Name Here!”

A cheerful jingle played, presumably the school's song or something along those lines.

“We have a marvelous fine arts program, from music and performance to visual arts!” The screen showed a Discord in a puffy brown afro and a goatee painting a portrait of another Discord in medieval attire, holding up a rubber skull in his claw. “As well as a highly accredited (by me) scientific program!” A Discord in a lab coat was pouring brightly colored liquids between several flasks, before one began to bubble and hiss before exploding in his hand. “Ohoho, careful there, sport! You wouldn’t want to start a fire!” The scene shifted once again to show several more Discords in their own diapers and dresses scooting down a lunch aisle, each one being handed a large bowl of sweets.

“What does this have to do with being a princess? There’s nothing here about foreign relations or delegation!” Twilight muttered to herself, tugging on the waistband of her diaper fruitlessly.

“As well as state of- ghghgghg- the Princess- kkrrghk- name still under review- kkkdrrkk” The film began to skip and sputter, Discord groaning as he wandered over to the projector and smack it roughly.

“Oh, for goodness sake! I just cleaned the thing this morning!” The filmstrip suddenly burst into flames, quickly engulfing the projector and reducing it to a pile of ash in a matter of seconds.

“We’re all going to die here…” Ember said, staring at the burned up projector as Discord swept it up into a dustpan, coughing awkwardly.

“Well, I’m sure you all get the picture, don’t you? Perhaps we ought to move on to our first lesson of the day.” He said as he dumped the ashes out into a bin in the corner. “How does math sound?” He asked, the lights flicking back on.

“Great! Take this school, minus one gryphon, and we’re done!” Gilda jeered, pushing herself out of her chair to walk out the door.

“I wouldn't do that,” Discord cautioned her. “Truancy is considered a serious problem.”

“Well, it's about to get more serious!” Gilda shot back, trying to do a bold strut to the door – though the sheer volume of the poof of her diaper impeded it a little.

Then she reached the door itself, and something pounced on her from the doorframe. Wrapping around her waist before she could blink, it shot out two straps which stuck to the ceiling directly over Gilda's chair and dragged her back as she shouted in surprise.

When she stopped moving, it was finally obvious what had happened – Gilda had been set upon by some kind of animated foal bouncer, which suspended her and began bouncing her so that her diapered butt just about touched the seat on the downwards bounces.

“I did warn you,” Discord pointed out. “Now then. First off – subtraction.”

He indicated Gilda. “Since you're so interested in it, we'll try you first. What happens when a Princess has two sweets and has one taken away?”

“Shut up!” Gilda moaned, cheeks flaming, and tried awkwardly to get out of the bouncer seat. “This is stupid! This is all stupid!”

“Oh, dear,” Discord sighed. “Remedial lessons for you, I think.”

He clicked his claws, and a pacifier appeared in Gilda's mouth.

“Now, let's try another student,” the 'teacher' said, as Gilda wobbled up and down in her foal-bouncer seat.

“How about you?” Discord pointed towards Luna. She grumbled a bit, managing to hold back several outdated slurs that would fit Discord nicely.

“One sweet. Taking one sweet away from two still leaves one.” She said. Discord gave a sigh, flicking his tail as an oversized sucker appeared in front of Luna. It shoved itself into her mouth, overwhelming her with its near toothache inducing sweet cherry flavor.

“I’m sorry, but that’s not a complete answer! You would have one sweet, and one very unhappy princess left.” Discord responded. Luna attempted to spit out the sucker to retort, but the candy refused to budge from her mouth. “Honestly, I was hoping at least one of you would have studied up for this test! Perhaps subtraction isn’t your forte, let’s skip to addition!” Discord turned to Celestia, who was still hoping Discord was planning on ending this prank soon. “Now, Celestia, if a princess has five sweets, and you give her five, what will you have?”

“Er… ten sweets? And one very happy princess?” Celestia responded, making sure to give Discord a complete answer. He grinned widely as ten large slices of cake puffed into existence in front of Celestia, one quickly shoving its way into her muzzle.

“Correct, Celestia! You’ll get a point for being the first princess to know her material!” Discord waved a hand as a piece of chalk wrote a tally beside Celestia’s cutie-mark on the chart at the front of the room. Celestia didn’t give any sort of response, forced to swallow the thick slice of cake. As it landed in her gut, she could swear she felt her diaper and uniform get just the smallest bit tighter. She was unable to dwell on the feel as the second slice of cake shoved its way into her, however.

“What is that sheet for?” Twilight asked, pointing.

“Aren't you an observant one!” Discord praised. “Now, time for a question for you!”

“But you didn't answer my question,” Twilight protested.

“A Princess is in a room with several others with diapers,” Discord said. “She doesn't know how many diapers she has, but she knows she has at least one diaper, and she can see no-one else is wearing more than two diapers. For her to be satisfied, she needs to have more diapers than any one other pony in the room and at least a quarter of the total number of diapers in the room. How many more diapers does she want?”

Twilight blinked. “But… you didn't give some of the information I need to know to answer the question.”

“Clock's ticking!” Discord warned, producing a clock from up a sleeve that hadn't been there a moment before. “Better think fast!”

“Um, um...” Twilight began, trying to work out what the trick was. “Er...”

She looked around the room, then realized there was a connection with the way Celestia and Luna had been asked the question. “I mean – if she can see eight others with diapers, then she wants another five diapers!”

There was a fwoomph! Underneath her, and Twilight found herself abruptly sitting considerably higher in the seat as her diaper multiplied in thickness considerably. She wobbled a little, then had to steady herself with a hoof on the desk, and Discord checked off one mark under her name as well.

“Well done!” he announced, putting a pacifier into her mouth before she could keep talking. “I can see you're starting to get the hang of it!”

He indicated Trixie next. “Now, what about you...”

“Pah, Trixie can stump your foal’s challenge! Math was one of Trixie’s best subjects!” She boasted, leaning back in her chair.

A tiny Discord appeared out of Shining’s vest pocket, crossing his arms. “Well, it clearly wasn’t English.” He quipped, only to vanish down in the pocket as Trixie turned around to locate the source of the insult. Shining blushed, trying to look innocent as Trixie glared in his direction.

“Alright, suppose that Cushybutts cost 5.78 a box and contain 12 diapers in each package, each with 1.65 inches of thickness, and that Megapoof cost 8.14 a box and contain 8 diapers in a package with 2.20 inches of thickness each. Suppose a princess wants to buy the most thickness per bit she can with her funds and she only has 189.91828493049 bits to her name. How many diapers of each brand should she purchase?” Discord rattled off, picking up speed as he moved through the problem. Trixie began to blanch, raising a hoof slightly before putting it back down and staring at her desk as numbers raced through her head.

“Uh… er… that would be…. Uh…” She gulped, wracking her brains. How much did the Cushytush cost? Or, wait, was it Fluffybottom diapers? And why did this princess have so many decimals of bits? Should she round? How many significant figures were there?” She looked back up at Discord, voice wobbling. “Eh… f-fifteen of e-each?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Trixie! But your princess has overshot her budget! Oh well, she is a princess, I suppose she can buy as many diapers as she pleases!” He chuckled.

“Wait, but that’s not fai-“ Trixie was cut off as a pacifier appeared in her mouth, her diaper ballooning up to fill her seat, which was now several packs of fluffy diapers stacked on top of each other.

Twilight tried not to feel quietly superior about having successfully answered her question, though she knew Trixie's one had been a lot harder.

She shifted a little in her seat, feeling the thickness of her diapers, then looked up again as Discord turned his attention to the Dragon Lord.

“Well, now, a dragon's all about adding to their hoard,” the chaos spirit said. “So let's try a simple adding question!”

He produced a bottle of foal powder from under the desk, and put it down – making a little puff of it escape. “One day a dragon needed to work out how much foal powder to use to powder up his family. Now, he was a dragon with a big family, and had seven sons each of them with seven daughters, and each of those daughters had five little hatchlings. If a hatchling needs twenty grams of powder and there's a thousand grams in a bottle, can you add up how many bottles he needs?”

Ember stared at him flatly. “That's not addition.”

“Multiplication is just addition over and over again,” Discord shrugged. “How many bottles does the dragon need?”

The exasperated dragoness counted under her breath. “Forty-nine daughters, each of them with five hatchlings… fifty hatchlings per bottle… five bottles.”

“I'm sorry, you didn't answer the question in the right way,” Discord said, shaking his head and tutting. “The correct answer was 'the dragon needs five bottles', and that just tells me that you need a bottle!”

Ember jumped as what felt like an entire bottle of foal powder was shaken over her backside by an invisible hand, and great plumes of it went into the air to fill the room with a pleasant scent.

“Whoops, perhaps that was too much, a hatchling's only supposed to need twenty grams,” Discord mused, clicking his claws and providing Ember with a pacifier as well.

Ember wriggled about a little in her seat, each small movement causing clouds of foal powder to billow out of the legs and tail of her diaper. Discord turned to face Cadence and Shining, still grinning widely. “Well, I suppose this one is going to be rather tough, so how about you two get to collaborate on it?” He said as he picked up a piece of chalk and began to scribble on the board, equations and figures drawing themselves independently of his mad chicken-scratch. “Suppose the average guard takes three bathroom breaks per shift, each about five minutes long. Calculate how many hours and lost pay would be saved if the average castle decided to pad their guards up and cut out that time. Within five bits, if you would be so kind.”

Shining looked over to Cadence, who only shrugged a little. “You’re the one who pays and assigns the guards, I don’t know how many you have at a time!” Shining bit his lip, thinking. If there were at least two guards at the front gate, four in the throne room, at least one always with him and Cadence, and they switched shifts every four hours… Once he had figured out the number of guards and their hours, it wasn’t much longer before he and Cadence were able to come up with a few figures. “You remembered to subtract the cost of the diapers, right?” Shining asked, Cadence nodding after being asked that for the fifth time.

“You would save about 150 hours of work, along with 1200 bits of pay, after taking away the cost of the diapers for each guard.” Cadence answered, hoping that was thorough enough for Discord. The draconequess clapped, thoroughly impressed.

“Oh, very well done! Now, I hope you can appreciate that when you realize we’ll be employing the same tactics here! Oh, and it wouldn’t have hurt to mention how much liquid you might have to deal with too.” Discord winked. Shining blushed as he suddenly felt the urge to wet his diaper grow, causing him to squeeze his legs together and bounce a little in his seat. Cadence was facing another problem as she suddenly felt a hose poke into the back of her diaper and cool water spray into it. Her padding began to soak it up, spreading her legs slowly as it guzzled up the liquid.

“St-oop it!” Cadence protested. “This isn't fair!”

“I think you'll find the school's enrollment agreement permits it,” Discord replied, waving some signed paper they'd never seen before at them. “Now, before we get too bogged down with trivial matters, let's ask our newly padded-up guard princess – what happens if the amount of time a pony can go between potty breaks is divided in half?”

Shining blushed deeply as he lost the battle with his bladder, wetting his diaper, and didn't even notice as Discord put check marks in both his column and the one for Cadence – now with her diaper so saturated that little drips were leaking out, dribbling over the edge of the chair onto the floor.

“And it looks like we might be at the end of the lesson!” Discord went on. “Anypony who hasn't had a question yet, raise your hooves!”

There was a long pause, during which no hooves went up.

“Wrong!” Discord announced, shaking his head. “Really, I should have expected better from you, Starlight. Let's see how you handle this one.”

Starlight gulped, looking at the board as Discord hovered a piece of chalk ready to write.

“Calculate the impact of peer pressure on diaper wearing,” Discord said eventually. “Assume that a pony's preference for diapers is doubled by each other pony they see wearing diapers, and that their initial preference is one percent – how many ponies would it take wearing diapers to start a trend?”

Starlight glanced around, trying to think of some way to free herself without drawing more punishment to herself. “I, well…” She quickly attempted to perform the math in her head to avoid any form of punishment from Discord. Though even then, the fate of those who weren’t punished didn’t appear to be much better than those who were not. Celestia’s gut was now pressing into her desk, pushing her chair back slightly as it grew, the last bit of cake forcing itself into her mouth as she blushed brightly.

“If she saw eight other ponies wearing diapers, she’d have a percent of 256, but… does a trend happen when they reach 100? They’d only need to see seven in that case.” Discord nodded and placed a small check beside Starlight’s cutie-mark as she wiggled about.

“Corrrrrrect! And with that extra pony wearing a diaper, especially when some of them are so thick…” Discord grinned as he looked at Twilight and Trixie, whose padding crinkled loudly as they were now practically pillows for their rumps, “She’d just have to put on another, wouldn’t she?” Discord laughed as a deep blue diaper suddenly appeared around Starlight’s rear, lifting her up slightly in the seat as her face turned a bright red and a pacifier was shoved in her mouth.

Everypony (and dragon and gryphon) wriggled about in their seats, properly padded in their thick diapers, each suckling on their pacifiers. “Well, we did have a bit of trouble, but that wasn’t too bad of a start, I’d say! We ought to move on to history next! I hope you know your puffy past!” Discord laughed as the equations erased themselves from the board to be replaced by a map of Equestria and the surrounding lands.

“Let's begin with some of the basics,” Discord suggested to his entirely-captive audience. “What was the most significant moment of the last thousand years?”

Starlight glanced over at Twilight, a frown on her face.

“Mmmm...” Twilight began, blushing as she was reminded of the pacifier in her mouth.

“Remember your manners,” Discord chided. “Raise your hoof if you want to answer.”

After a long moment, Twilight raised her hoof, and her pacifier was removed by Discord so she could speak.

“There's a lot of choices,” Twilight began. “There's the return of Princess Luna, um… the return of the Crystal Empire… the, ah, Discord's return?”

“Wrong, wrong and wrong!” Discord said, putting the pacifier back in. “It's the invention of the disposable diaper! I'd have thought you would have known such an easy question, Twilight, that's not a good sign for your grade.”

Twilight blushed, the criticism somehow hitting home even though she knew it really shouldn't.

“Now, let's see if any of the others have a better grasp on the matter!” Discord went on. “Can anyone name an achievement by Star Swirl the Padded?”

Shining tentatively raised his hoof, Discord popping the pacifier out to allow him to speak as well. “Uh… did he… invent the disposable diaper?” The pacifier zipped back into his mouth as Discord shook his head, giving off a faux look of disappointment.

“Goodness, no! Star Swirl isn’t that old, Shining! He merely improved on the diaper! Before him diapers could only hold so much before leaking, you know! But Star Swirl created the Pocket Padding!” Discord waved his hooves dramatically, a thick diaper puffing out of thin air. A jet black diaper, with stars and a swirly purple vortex on the rump, Twilight’s eyes widening as she stared at it. “This diaper was practically infinite! You wet it, and it just kept swelling! You could stuff something in it and pull it out later, perfectly dry! The perfect padding for a prissy prancy princess!” He proclaimed proudly.

“Mmpphh mmpph-“ Starlight tried to ask, but was unable to speak around her pacifier. Discord looked to her and she raised her hoof sheepishly. “So why isn’t it used?” She asked once her mouth was free. Discord grinned and popped the pacifier back in her muzzle.

“Good question! Well, the problem was that it was infinite! It just kept growing! One day Star Swirl woke up in a sea of fluff, his diaper having swallowed him whole! And no matter what he did, he couldn’t find his way out! I forget what happened to the original diaper…” Discord mused, only to shake his head and look out at the class a second later. “So, which lucky princess wants to try it on?”

Everypony, as well as the two non-ponies, tried not to be noticed.

“An excellent idea!” Discord said, grandly. “Thank you so much for volunteering!”

There was a moment's silence, as none of the 'students' had any idea who he was talking to, until Starlight yelped as the star-studded diaper appeared around her rump – already as large as the padding she'd already been wearing.

She wriggled, trying futilely to dislodge it, and the stars seemed to twinkle as she did.

“It's good to see you love it so much,” Discord chuckled. “Now, let's move on to the next subject.”

He snapped his claws, and a piece of chalk drew on the board. It sketched out a crude drawing of Discord, and then the real Draconequus stepped out of the chalk picture.

“Three times in the past Equestria has faced Change-ling invasions,” Discord said, putting on a pair of pince-nez for a moment and taking on a lecturing air. “But the important question is-”

He stopped, and tweaked Gilda's beak. “Pay attention in class or you'll get punished for it,” he warned. “Now, as I was saying, the important question is – why did they invade Equestria?”

“Chrysalis was trying to take my place. She was planning on replacing everypony with changelings to steal their love.” Cadence spoke up, the memory of Chrysalis’ invasion being anything but pleasant. Discord simply chuckled, leaning back onto the chalkboard. Cadence gave an annoyed look, Shining not looking any more amused. He supposed he should have known that Discord had a different take on what the invasion was about.

“Now, Cadence, you really shouldn’t answer when you don’t know the material! And you didn’t raise your hoof!” It was at that moment Cadence realized her pacifier had disappeared, but only for long enough for Discord to shove it back into her muzzle. Grumbling to herself, she crossed her hooves and leaned back in her chair, diaper squishing as she did. “The Change-lings didn’t invade to steal love! They did it because they heard about everypony needing help with their diapers! They’re called change-lings, what else would they do?” He joked.

The whole class gave several muffled sounds of confusion behind their pacifiers, Shining and Cadence especially taken aback at Discord’s account of the events. He flicked his tail again as the chalk drew two bug-like ponies glaring at each other. Both looked rather puffy, with what looked like tapes along seams on their bodies. “The change-lings would often fight each other over who would get to actually change the ponies, even if they didn’t need it! Anypony caught by two change-lings would often have one diaper put over the other, over and over and over!”

“Allow me to demonstrate what it was like,” Discord added, and Cadence found herself being padded up by a burst of telekinetic magic – over and over again, over the top of her already-squishy diaper, until she was sitting several inches higher than she'd been sitting before.

“Mmf,” she groaned.

“Of course, a Princess has to have practical experience of history,” Discord told her. “Why would you think otherwise?”

Twilight mumbled around her pacifier, wanting dearly to correct Discord's deliberate mistakes, but didn't feel quite strongly enough about it to raise her hoof and suffer the additional humiliation.

“Well, now, it seems you're not up on current affairs...” Discord said, and made a show of picking up a calendar and ruffling through it. Month-pages scattered all over the floor, forming a pile over a foot deep, until Discord tapped one of them. “Aha!”

Looking up at the class, he tapped his chin. “Now, I wonder… who might be able to tell me what happened during the feud of the Royal Sisters?”

Once again, nopony was feeling particularly eager to answer Discord’s question, considering Discord’s “history” lesson could range from the sisters having a pillow fight to Nightmare preferring cloth over disposable diapers. Discord looked around the class, grinning eagerly. “If nopony raises their hoof, I’m going to start calling on poniiieees~” He chuckled. Celestia and Luna looked to each other, unsure of how to respond. Before either of them could raise their hoof, though, Discord spoke once again. “Luna, you ought to remember what happened that fateful day? Care to share with the class?”

Luna gulped as her pacifier was removed from her mouth to allow her to speak. “Well… I, uh… got a little… upset at my sister because I allowed my jealousy to overcome me. It was...” Luna was cut off by her pacifier being shoved back into her mouth, Discord waving his talons dismissively.

“Yes, you threw quite the tantrum, didn’t you? And Celly had to try and fix everything! I mean, really, who thinks that multiple diapers are better than thick ones?” He chuckled. Celestia blinked in surprise, taken aback by Discord’s explanation. She attempted to speak, remembered her pacifier, and rose her hoof. Discord pointed to her, her pacifier removing itself.

“That’s not what happened at all! Luna was not upset over some silly matter of diaper thickne-!” She was cut off as well, Discord looking amused.

“Are you suuuure, Celly? I believe I recall this whole matter being rather puffy and fluffy. Don’t you remember?” His eyes flashed a little, several colors spinning in them for barely a moment.

Celestia blinked, feeling very odd all of a sudden – somehow dizzy, and unsure of herself.

She wondered if she'd been misremembering, and if the dispute with her sister really had been about the philosophy of poofiness…

...then she blinked again, frowning, and recovered her senses. She shook her head, looking defiant, though the pacifier spoiled the effect – and, even as she sat there, she couldn't help but think about the merits of thickly padded diapers compared to just layering on diaper after diaper.

“What about you, Lulu?” Discord asked, turning his attention to the pony of the night-diapers, and smirked. “Don't you remember those arguments?”

Celestia caught another flash of colours from Discord's eyes, and frowned again – focusing briefly on the question so thoroughly she could almost remember the arguments.

-then she caught herself about to wet her diapers, and crossed her hind legs with a whimper.

“Neither of you?” Discord asked. “Well, perhaps you'll remember better if you're in the right costumes – it's always helpful to act out a role in class!”

Reaching behind him, he pulled out a pair of little plush toys. One of them was clearly Nightmare Moon, and the other looked like a harsher, more intense version of Princess Celestia.

The chaos spirit squeezed them both, revealing them to be made of material that crinkled like diapers did, and then tossed them through the air towards the Royal Sisters – and, as they moved, they grew.

The tiny plushies quickly swelled, growing larger and larger by the second. They both flopped onto the desks of the princesses, Twilight glancing left and right at the plushies to either side of her. By the time they landed, they were the size of small fillies, and were still growing bigger. Luna attempted to push the plushie off, but before she could raise her hooves up, both her and Celestia’s desks squeezed in on them. Their legs bound to their sides, Celestia and Luna struggled against their bindings, and plushies continued to swell. Suddenly the Nightmare plush lifted her head, leaning it onto her front hooves as she looked Luna in the eyes. “Hello there, Lulu~” She grinned, flashing her crinkly fangs at Luna. “I think you’ll it very comfy once we’re done, what do you think, Daybreak?” She glanced over to the menacing Celestia imposter.

Daybreak, now almost as large as Celestia, sat up on her haunches, leaning forward to stare at the pony bound in front of her. “Oh, definitely!” She snickered, licking her lips. Suddenly Daybreak opened her mouth, shoving Celestia into her. She began to gulp the princess down, Luna’s squeaks of fright muffled as Nightmare did the same. The two plushies continued to grow bigger, their bellies bulging outwards as the princesses slipped down into them. They squeezed and pressed on the padded rumps of their captives, slipping down into the seats they had recently occupied. Their swollen guts pressed comfortably into the desks, Celestia and Luna wriggled about inside the plushies, their hooves soon finding the legs of their cushy counterparts. It wasn’t long before the sisters were wearing the plushies like suits, their bellies now only slightly distended.

“Now, what was that you were saying about your feud?” Discord asked, grinning slyly. Daybreak grinned, clearly proud of herself.

“Why, my naughty little sister was just insisting that more diapers were better than thick diapers! It’s a complete waste? Why wear five thin diapers when you can wear one that’s even bigger than they are already!” She gave a confident laugh, Nightmare glaring at her, but her devilish smirk giving away her true feelings.

“Of course more diapers are better!” Nightmare shot back, wiggling in her seat and producing plenty of crinkles. “There's no better way to choose exactly how thick you need your padding to be, and of course there's no better way to show one's true beliefs than to mark it on your diaper!”

“Silence!” Daybreak demanded. “What twaddle! What absurdity!”

“That's much better,” Discord said, marking off a star for both Celestia and Luna as their evil-counterpart trap-suits began to snuggle themselves again.

Twilight tried to free herself from her chair, trying to work out how she could help – and drawing a blank – when Discord clapped his mismatched hands for attention.

“But perhaps the problem is that we've not gone far back enough – let's start with the founding of Equestria itself!”

He pondered the ponies and others present, then rolled a pair of dice before consulting a large book of tables he'd pulled out of the air. Then he pointed at Ember.

“What? I don’t know anything about Equestria’s history! I only know drago-“

“Ignorance of the subject is no excuse! Now, how was Equestria founded?” Discord asked, feigning annoyance at Ember’s confusion. The dragon poked her foreclaws together nervously, trying to think of something that would seem reasonable. Well, reasonable to the chaotic creature trapping her in this classroom.

“Uh… well… I know there were… three different kind of ponies… unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi… They… uh… came from a land… far away and… er… lived in peace for… always?” She said, her face turning red as she continued to rattle off clearly incorrect facts. Starlight placed her face in her hooves, Gilda trying to stop herself from snickering at the dragon’s complete and utter failure to answer the question.

“Tsk tsk tsk, Ember. You really ought to be studying more!” Discord said. “Here, I’ll get you some of the books.” He snapped his claw as several thick volumes appeared above Ember’s head, only to fall down a moment later and flatten the dragon cartoonishly before falling off the chair to reveal the dazed dragon.

“I'll be coming back to you later,” Discord added, giving her a stern look. “But we'll give you a few minutes to study up. Now, let's see… what about the history of Griffonstone?”

Gilda froze, then chuckled nervously. “Uh...”

“Thank you for volunteering!” Discord said, and Gilda's bouncer seat moved as if it was on rails in the ceiling. It moved left, then forwards, then across to face the rest of the class from just in front of the blackboard.

As Gilda blushed under her feathers and tried to shrink out of sight – her movements only making the bouncer spring up and down again – Discord began drawing on the chalkboard behind her.

“As we all know, Griffonstone was united by King Grover!” Discord said, drawing a picture of the town in chalk. “But the question is – how did he unify the griffons into a single nation?”

“...what?” Gilda asked, baffled. “That's one of the easiest questions ever! It was the Idol of Boreas!”

Discord paused, and shook his head sadly. “Oh, dear...” he sighed. “I think you'll find the correct answer is that he introduced them to the wonder of plastic pants, so they didn't leak while they were flying!”

Gilda's beak dropped open, unable to process that.

“Of course, We invented them,” Day Breaker commented, bouncing up and down in her seat for a moment and producing a loud rustle. “Grover was merely a copy-cat-bird!”

“Slander!” Nightmare Moon countered. “'twas Nightmare Moon who developed them, for night diapers!”

“Perhaps Gilda would like to demonstrate how they work,” Discord suggested, ignoring Gilda's head-shaking denials.

“It’s wonderful to see your enthusiasm!” Discord said as Gilda’s bouncer melted away, only for the cords to wrap around her claws and paws and hoist them up into the air. She bounced and writhed in an attempt to flee, but all it did was bounce her padded rear around as she swung back and forth. Discord produced a large pitcher of water and a funnel. The end of his tail slipped up to tickle Gilda, who clamped her beak tightly as she began to involuntarily giggle. Faster and harder Discord rubbed his tail about, and it wasn’t too long before Gilda burst out in to laughter, only for the funnel to be slipped into her beak.

Discord poured the water into the funnel, Gilda gulping it down. Her belly blew out slightly as she squeezed her legs together to try and keep herself from wetting her padding. The pressure continued to build, and no matter how much she wriggled and bounced, it did nothing to help her predicament as Discord continued to empty the seemingly bottomless jug. Eventually there was a soft hisss as Gilda’s padding began to swell, growing wet and squishy as she blushed brightly. Twilight tried to avert her gaze from the embarrassing sight, Nightmare and Daybreak watching smugly, though still tossing glares to the other across Twilight occasionally.

“Why, I think that’s a wonderful demonstration, wouldn’t you say?” Discord applauded, Gilda flipping down to hang by her claws before the bouncer squeezed in on her rump and let her bounce freely a moment later. Sliding back to her seat, Gilda’s face burned brightly as her padding continued to squish about, still swelling slowly as she wet it.

“Now, how’s Ember doing?” Discord asked, looking down at the squashed dragon. “Oh dear. I think she might need some help. Trixie, if you would…” Discord puffed a pump, the word “History” scrawled across it in childish writing. The hose of the pump led off of Trixie’s chair over to Ember’s tail. Trixie gave a few tentative pumps, Ember beginning to slowly regain shape. “How about now, Ember? Any clue on how Equestria was made?”

Ember blinked, still quite flat, and her head bobbed a bit as she tried to focus. “Um...”

Every time she seemed about to say something, another puff came puffing into her and she lost her focus again. The process continued for at least a dozen repetitions, until she was back to full size and Trixie stopped pumping the plunger.

“Well?” Discord asked. “I'm waiting...”

Lacking any options, Ember racked her brains.

It did seem like that 'history' pump had actually given her some knowledge, which was about as odd as she should have expected from a chaos spirit. Unable to really verify it, she began to explain what it seemed to have told her.

“So, um… there were groups of ponies who were wandering the land,” she said. “And they were all cold and uncomfortable, because the ground was hard and because they kept arguing with one another. And every night it got colder, because they hadn't invented blankets yet and had to sleep out in the open...”

“That's-” Twilight began, trying to correct Ember, but a pacifier landed in her mouth and shut her up.

“Then the leaders of the three pony tribes got together,” Ember went on. “One group – the earth ponies – had invented the idea of clothing, but didn't have any material thick enough to use. The pegasi had discovered a thick material, made from clouds, but didn't have anything to do with it. And the third, the unicorns, could put it all together, but they demanded payment.”

Ember didn't notice as her eyes glittered slightly, the story seeming to make more and more sense to her as she spoke. “And that was the coldest night of all, with monsters roaming the night – creatures which tried to take ponies and drain out their warmth through their cutie marks...”

“Aaaaand?” Discord asked, expectantly. Ember furrowed her brow, trying to think of what it was that might have happened that night. She glanced over at Trixie, still holding the pump in her hooves. The unicorn noticed and tentatively pulled up on the handle before pushing back down. Ember’s belly bulged out slightly, her mind becoming clearer.

“And that night, when the three leader ponies were all bickering, they needed some way to stay warm, and comfortable on the hard ground. And with all the creatures trying to steal their warmth through their cutiemarks, they needed protection too!” Ember began to grin, remembering the story as if she had been living through it. “And one of the pegasus’s advisors suddenly had a brilliant idea! While the leaders were arguing, she got the earth pony and unicorn’s advisor to get her the cloth and the needles while she brought the stuffing. And they began to stuff and stuff and stuff the fabric full until they made thick, warm diapers! They all plopped their puffy rumps on the ground, but it didn’t matter! They were so warm and soft they could just sleep in them like a bed! And with how thick they were, no monster could ever managed to steal away their warmth! Soon they had everypony padded up, and they absolutely loved it!” Ember giggled, not having noticed Trixie’s continued pumping until she placed her claws on her gut, which was now pressing into the desk in front of her.

As if breaking the spell, Ember glanced down at her gut, gasped, and was about to speak when her pacifier was shoved in her mouth again and the pump vanished in a puff of smoke. “Excellent work, Ember! Top marks!” He said, placing a star next to the flame on the chalk board.