Feather Bangs Gets All The Airs
Pinkie Pie bounced into Starlight's village, carrying a large load of pastries and baked goods on the wagon behind her. Despite her slender size and how hefty the load was, she was still able to haul it all over to Sugarbelle's bakery, unhooking herself from the cart once she had arrived.
"Sugarbelle? It's Pinkie Pie," she said, rapping on the door. "I've come with your super-duper deluxe order. No need to sign or anything like that, I take my payments in the form of a single cupcake. Your pick."
Sugarbelle opened the door and gave Pinkie a hoof-bump. "Hi, Pinkie!" she squeaked, using her magic to deliver Pinkie a blueberry-topped cupcake. "Thanks for doing this for me. I figured you should be the first to try out one of my newest recipes."
"Oh, you shouldn't have..." Pinkie Pie flirted coyly with Sugarbelle and gobbled the cupcake in one swift bite. "Mmm... Delicious!"
"I know!" Sugarbelle giggled. "I've had such a rush of creativity since your friends came to town. So many new cakes, cupcakes, pastries, breads, and more. and I'm only just getting started."
"Well, as a fellow entrepreneur of candy-coated, sprinkle and frosting-topped foods, I wish you the best of luck with that, Sugarbelle." Pinkie Pie was about to walk outside and unload the delivery, but Sugarbelle was one step ahead of her, using her horn to take the load and set it all up nicely, putting the excess ingredients into the storage room behind her.
"Thanks, Pinkie!" Sugarbelle closed the door once she had organized the ingredients in the back room. "You always know how to make me smile."
"I have my methods." Pinkie smiled and put a hoof to her chest.
Pinkie was about to walk off with the empty truck when she heard a knocking from the window. A blode stallion with a brown mane stood outside, watching her from the outside.
"Hey! Who's that?" Pinkie Pie was the first one to notice and put her face to the window, causing the stallion to jump backwards and land on his haunches.
"Who's who?" Sugarbelle pulled her head from the counter with a blackboard and chalk still floating in the air.
"Y'know? That guy out there." Pinkie Pie darted out and came back in a few seconds later, carrying the stallion over her head. "This guy. He looks like a decent guy to me.
"Ugh..." Sugarbelle groaned and slapped her forehead. "Feather, what are you still doing here? I told you, we're through. I don't want to be with you anymore."
"Yeah, I know that." Feather Bangs brushed his neck. "I just... wanted to make sure you were doin' alright, y'know? I mean, running a shop like this in the middle of nowhere's gonna be a hard job; even if you've got friends in other parts of the world."
"Feather Bangs, I'm totally fine. Stop trying to worry about me." Sugarbelle turned her back to Feather. "Now, do you want to order something or are you just here trying to suck up to me again?"
"Oh! No, no. It's all good, babe." Feather Bangs pushed his hooves out in front of him. "I had a few sandwiches with Double Diamond and Night Glider earlier. Pretty filling too." He patted his belly for emphasis.
"Well, if you're not gonna buy something, then I think we're done here." Sugarbelle went back to setting up her new menu. "Pinkie? Be a dear and carry Feather out of the store for me please."
"Alrighty-tighty, Sugarbelle!" And without another word, Pinkie zipped back out, banging Feather's head on the top of the door frame as she rushed off. Once outside, she put him down and rubbed his head. "Geez, what was with that? I mean, if I had such a good-looking pony like that come into Sugarcube Corner, I'd serve them lickety-split and give them a little extra for being a cutie pie like you."
Feather Bangs just let out a sigh. "Things haven't really been the same in this town since that stallion and his three kids came over. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right. All the relationships I have just end after a few hours."
"Aww... don't worry about it, mister." Pinkie patted Feather's shoulders. "You just need to find the mare that's right for you. Maybe I could give you a little helping hand with that?"
"Well..." Feather looked around at the other ponies, trying to do his best to keep his eyes off of the ladies. Finally, he looked into Pinkie's massive eyes and said, "Alright. Guess it's worth a shot."
"Good. Now, the first thing we're gonna do is try kissing." Pinkie Pie smirked and playfully jabbed at his chest. "Hope you're up to the task, pretty boy."
"Wait, kissing already? I-I-I thought we were gonna take it step by step..." Feather just stammered on the spot.
"Oh, nonsense, Feather. You just need to know how to have a little fun now and again." Pinkie pursed her lips and made a duck face with them. "Now, pucker up, Feather Bangs..."
"Aren't we gonna—" But before he could finish, Pinkie Pie was already violently kissing him on the lips. She pulled him into a hug that felt more like a wrestling move to him. "Hey! What's goin—"
But Pinkie continued kissing, eventually blowing into his mouth as hard as she could. Because of how much Pinkie blew, Feather Bangs' body began to inflate. His hooves, face, and tail shrunk into his rapidly expanding body and his Cutie Mark got larger and larger along with it. He tried to say something to let the air out, but he couldn't. He just kept growing bigger and bigger, body swamped with wind, until eventually, Pinkie stopped and Feather Bangs was now the size of a zeppelin.
"Mwah! There we go." Pinkie smiled innocently. "Now that's how you do a proper kiss."
"What in the name of Celestia did you do to me?!" Feather asked, but he was slowly beginning to drift up into the air. "And why are you getting so small all of a sudden?" His pupils shrunk as he realized the cruel hand he had been dealt. "Oh no... OH NOOOOOOO!"
A few pegasi flew by blindingly fast, and their combined slipstream shot Feather Bangs away into the distance, like he had been launched out of a slingshot made of thin air. He let out a scream, but it soon got quieter and quieter as he disappeared over the horizon.
"Oopsie-doopsie. I guess I should've tied the string to him first." Pinkie pulled out a tiny string from her mane. "Oh well." She coupled herself back up to the empty cart and started making her way back to Ponyville.
Back in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie arrived back at Sugarcube Corner and freed herself from the cart once again. She shook off the dust and dirt from her trip and walked back into the shop, bouncing over the counter as she prepared to serve her next guest.
The bell ringed and Twilight Sparkle came through the doors, furling up her wings as she did so. "Hi, Pinkie!" She waved to Pinkie with a smile.
"Hi, Twilight!" Pinkie called back. "Do you wanna get something good today or do you need me for something else? Whatever it is, I'm game for anything."
"Applejack's having this big party with the Apple Family and I wanted to see if I could provide them something else other than just plain old apple-based foods," said Twilight. "What do you recommend for a big family party?"
"Oh, well, I've got just the thing AJ needs for a super-de-duper spectacular get-together!" Pinkie pulled a lever behind the counter with her tail and slid down into the basement. She came back quickly with a massive platter of food, defying the laws of physics as she slid it out the latch. "I prepared myself for the day the Apples needed a big party platter like this. It's got all of my favourite and Applejack's favourite Sugarcube Corner treats, plus a little something extra soft for the oldies."
"Thanks, Pinkie." Twilight took the platter off of Pinkie's hands. "Oh, how much will it be?"
"Oh, it's no biggie, Twilight. It's for Applejack and her family. It's on the house." Pinkie opened the register, and gestured her putting invisible money into it before sliding the draw shut. "
"Wow! Thanks, Pinkie!" Twilight took the tray in her magic. "So, uh, anything else new happen to you lately?"
"Well, I just came back from Sugarbelle's bakery after giving her that super-duper deluxe order she put in. I met a guy named Feather Bangs and he tried getting lovey-dovey with Sugarbelle but she was having none of it, so I decided to help him out and ended up turning him into a massive balloon when we did a little kissing exercise." She squee'd and plastered a big smile on her face.
"Wait, what?!" Twilight nearly dropped the platter in shock. "Pinkie! You can't just turn people into balloons all willy-nilly like that!"
"Oh, lighten up, Twilight. He'll deflate eventually." Pinkie came out from behind the counter. "Now let's get this stuff to AJ posthaste. Don't want a little family get together to be ruined with such a small selection of foods."
"Pinkie Pie, I'll handle the delivery. You just go and get Feather whatever-his-name-was back as quick as you can." Twilight turned to the door.
"Alright! Alright! Geez, kick a mare for trying to lighten the mood..." Pinkie Pie walked out with Twilight and began scanning the sky, looking for any sign of the massive Feather Bangs.
Despite her keen eye and even her Pinkie Sense, she couldn't find Feather anywhere. Though, most of the time, her eyes were focused on the streets and the road as she literally left no stone unturned and no blade of grass unchecked. When it finally came time to look to the sky, Pinkie saw the large stallion drift over, still being blasted through the air but at a slower pace now.
"There he is." Pinkie Pie took the string out of her mane once again. "Alright, Julian. You've been training your whole stringy life for this day. The day where you'll be used to rope a giant balloon pony from the sky and bring him back to earth so Twilight can turn him back to normal. Now, are you ready for this?"
The string said nothing.
"I SAID ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?!" yelled Pinkie.
The string, once again, said nothing, just being an inanimate object.
"Alright. Let's do this!" Pinkie Pie started twisting her tail around as fast as she could, using it like a helicopter blade. When that didn't work, she took some balloons out of her hair and blew into them, tying as many of them to her body as she could before she started flying too.
"Somepony help me!" Feather Bangs cried from the air, but to no avail. He was about to give up when he saw Pinkie Pie fly up to him, with Julian the String dangling from her hoof. "It's you! Quickly! Get me down from here!"
"Sure, Feather. I just gotta get Julian and his family ready to go." Pinkie pulled a massive coil of string from her hair and flung it over Feather's body multiple times. She then tied both ends into forming a tight cylinder around Feather's colossal waistline and added Julian to the knot she had already made, making a single string for her to clutch on. "Now hold on. This is gonna be wild."
"Wild like how?" Feather lifted a brow.
Pinkie Pie stopped spinning her tail and untied the balloons from her body. "Like this." And she fell down to the ground like a brick from the top of a mountain, pulling Feather Bangs along with her. She could hear his screams as she dived down but they were quickly silenced when Pinkie landed on her tail and sprung into the air, and over to Twilight's castle.
"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Pinkie smirked devilishly and walked Feather up to the castle. "Now, Twilight should be back any second now."
"Twilight? Who the heck is she?" Feather asked as he slowly hovered over the town. "Is she a hot girl?"
"Well... If you consider the fact that she's saved Equestria multiple times before, travelled to another world full of talking apes twice and saved that on both account, and saved you and the rest of your villagers from those evil equal signs, then yeah, she's pretty smokin'."
"Well... that might be an upside to this little day I've been having..." Feather tried to rub the back of his head, but all he ended up doing was wiggling his hooves. "Let's just hope that she can fix this."
Twilight eventually came back to see Feather Bangs gently resting against the star on her castle. She flew down to Pinkie Pie, who was still holding him secure with Julian and the rest of his string family.
"Alright. I got the delivery done." Twilight landed and looked up at Feather's inflated belly. "And I can see that you got that stallion. Now, let's see if I can fix this little mess..."
"Who's that, Pinkie?" Feather tried to look down at Twilight, but all he could see was a bright blast of purple light. He felt a stream of unicorn magic strike him in the chest and envelop his entire body. He was about to say something else, but the spell made him perform the largest burp ever to be witnessed in Equestrian history. It was so loud and powerful that it shook the trees, made the ground rumble, and send a small gale down the street nearly wrecking all of the nearby stands.
"There." Twilight's horn stopped glowing as Feather finally landed back on his hooves. "Now, are you alright, mister?"
"Y-yeah. I'm fi..." He was about to finish the sentence, but when he saw Twilight's lustrous mane, ravishing wings and horn, and the glimmer from her eyes, he couldn't help but drool and hang his mouth open. "Actually, forget that. I'm feelin' great now that you're here."
"Good." Twilight turned to Pinkie. "Now, I hope you know just how irrespon—"
"No, really. Like, really, really great." Feather walked up to Twilight and wrapped his body around hers. "And your coat's so fluffy... I wouldn't mind giving that a cuddle every night."
"Uhh... what?" Twilight just stared at Feather with a lifted brow.
"Have you ever thought about looking for hot stallions?" He put on a confident smile and lowered his own brows. "Because if you are, I'm happy to say that your search is over. Name's Feather Bangs. I'll be your date for the night."
"Date?" Twilight shook Feather off and lifted a brow. "Is that what this is about? Sorry, but I'm not really looking for—"
"No, baby. Don't say another word." Feather put his hoof to Twilight's muzzle. "You don't need to say how beautiful you are or how hard your search was. You've got me now, and I promise that when we get married, I'll be the best husband you'd ever—"
"MARRIED?!" Twilight flew backwards. "I said no! I'm not interested!"
"Aw, c'mon. You don't have to get that way." Feather smirked. "The girls that play hard to get just end up giving up sooner or later. Just close your eyes and fall backwards and I promise I'll catch you."
"Uh, no." Twilight just shot another blast of magic at him, turning him back into the titanic balloon he was a few moments ago. "My heart belongs to one pony and you're not him. Now, go home and find a mare wherever you came from, creep." And she just pushed him off with her magic.
"Oh, not again..." Feather Bangs groaned as he just floated off.
"Geez, what's with that guy? Trying to hit it off with the first mare he sees?" Twilight just walked through the doors of her castle. "Gimme a break..."
Pinkie Pie just took back the massive string she had made and stuffed it back into her head. Then, she looked at Julian and said, "You did good, kid." before putting him back in and walking off back to Sugarcube Corner
Author's Note
Hey, guys. Sorry if this fanfic seems a little bit jaded and rushed like the other ones I've done. But I just wanted to make something short, sweet, and as a bit of a present for my good old friend. I followed his specifications to the best of my abilities and I hope that in the short time I had to write this that I was able to please both you and him.
Anyways, I wanted to give another big thank you to The Castaway Pariah for making the commission. We've become such good friends ever since we met and our friendship's just been getting stronger. We've got so much to talk about and have in common, and while they're not usually on FIMFic these days, I still want them to be appreciated both on and off the site.
Have a good day.
