An Awkward Awakening

Chapters

The Show of a Lifetime
Drinks too Stronk
An Awkward Awakening

The Show of a Lifetime

The air fell heavy on the fields of Dessel, Belgium on this warm evening on the 27th June 2014. Harris Brown, a big fan of both Sabaton and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic stood in the front rows before Main Stage 2 where soon his favourite band of all time was going to appear for a 1-and-a-half-hour-set. The excitement in his eyes shone with the intensity of a thousand suns as he held his dearest fan souvenir, a little Rainbow Dash plushie, in his right hand. In his mind the character voiced by Ashleigh Ball would definitely enjoy a show of these titans of Power Metal who sang about the happenings of wars throughout history with unmatched enthusiasm. An awesome character like her would love Sabaton, even though it would never come to her seeing a Sabaton show.

Finally, after the Black Metal legends Behemoth had cleared the stage, the Sabaton introduction song "The March to War" started playing. The crowd roared like the entire German Luftwaffe dive-bombing the event grounds, the atmosphere became highly charged with an energy the likes Harris had only felt rarely; it felt utterly amazing! Hannes Van Dahl took the stage, sitting behind his drum kit and drumming along with the song as per usual, soon followed by Pär Sundström, Chris Röhrland and Thorbjörn "Thobbe" Englund. The final seconds of the introduction rang out, and as per usual, Hannes blasted away on his drums, producing a drum roll for the arrival of everyone's favourite vocalist; Joakim Brodén.

The floor started to shake with the intensity of the double bass drum and Brodén's thunderous voice announcing the band and the first song of most sets the band played since the release of "The Art of War"; "Ghost Division". The song about the titular Ghost Division tells the story of a Panzer Division under Erwin Rommel on the Wesern Front during World War II. They were dubbed the Ghost Division after covering 200 miles in a single day, pushing the front line northwards from Champagne to Dunkirk. Joakim couldn't help but smile after finishing the song. Harris knew that he lived to be on stage and entertain his fans, and seeing the fans enjoy themselves always put a huge smile on his face.

But as is the case at live shows, there's no time to rest on the huge stage packed with military gear, from guns and helmets welded together to form the microphone stands to impressive pyrotechnical battle tanks that served as a pedestal for the drum set. The intro to the next song had already started; A whistling sound from the speakers formed a melody that went directly to the heart. Sabaton had just released a new album by the title of "Heroes" in which they sang of the heroic tales of soldiers and commanders in World War II. This album also featured this song called "To Hell and Back" about a young man called Audie Murphy who ended up being one of the most decorated soldiers of America. However the song doesn't directly focus on his deeds in the war but more his struggle to live on after it with a severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Harris had meanwhile forced his way to the second row, wanting to have a chance at a hand shake with his heroes. Out of nowhere a fist flew at his face; the girl before him was windmilling her arms like wild and had hit him under the chin by accident. She immediately turned around to apologise for her carelessness; a sense of humanity he didn't often see at shows like this. Apparently shows on the continent where much tamer than those in his native UK...

A brief break in the set after "Carolus Rex" saw Joakim talking to his audience the first time that night. "Holy fuck, Grasspop! I really have no fuckin' idea what I should say..." The crowd laughed hysterically at Joakim's speeches every time, but this time it was more of a confused chuckle as he seemed to try very hard to keep a laugh of his own in. "You know, this is our fifth time at this festival, and I saw the vods for every single one of our performances here..." The crowd was trying hard to think of a reason he would say this to the audience tonight. It seemed kind of off for him to bring this up, but the crowd rolled with it, if only a bit less enthusiastic. "What the fuck was wrong with you guys the first four times we were her?" A collective "Huh?" was heard, Harris himself thought there was a shit storm brewing between the band and the audience on this night. "We fucked up a lot at those four shows... And apparently you guys were either too high or too drunk to notice." He burst out laughing and couldn't stop for about half a minute. "Anyway, it is so great to see all of you stayed this late to see us. We're all really happy you guys are here. But back to the important things... Just two weeks ago we had the pleasure of walking along the fortifications in the woods near Bastogne, where the 101st Airborne Division held their ground against the Nazis; you may know them as THE SCREAMING EEEEAAAGGGLLLEEESS!"

Furious head banging followed as the band struck up their song about an American paratrooper division that was one of the few divisions sent into France before the D-Day invasion of the 6th June 1944. The fast-paced song grabbed even the most heavy and hard to move heads at the festival with impressive force, causing a vivid wave of heads moving up and down with each beat of this over 200 beats per minute fast track. Joakim's thunderous voice echoed through the venue of the Graspop Metal Meetup and could have probably still been heard a few towns over.¨

Also Harris went along with the heavy beat and stamped his foot in the beat, until a slow Waltz rang out. A sign of the band's little tradition of celebrating "Midsummer Night" with their fans. A buffet and booze was brought on stage along with 6 of the loyal fans. The girl in front of Harris was chosen to join the band on stage for some traditional Swedish food and Aquavit. Shortly after welcoming the fans on the stage the band opened fire on the Christian fans by playing their most requested song; "Swedish Pagans". After a bit of a wonky solo on behalf of Chris Rörland the song concluded with the drunken Viking chant that can be heard on the intro and outro of the studio version.

From one bit of Swedish history to the next with the neck breaking Speed Metal anthem "The Lion form the North" about the Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus who reigned supreme in Sweden during the 30-years War between the Protestant and Catholic Leagues of Europe. Joakim seemed to struggle with the high notes in the song a tad as Harris thought, but it was still spectacular. While the fans ate and drank Swedish specialities the show continued on the stage with fire and wrath of the lion from the north.

"Hey, I'm fucking happy right now! Graspop is the best fucking festival ever! Give a big hand to the planning committee of Graspop!!!" A roar gripped the crowed, enthused about being dubbed the best festival by their favourite band. "Oh, and let's have a look at the set list... Oh, a requested song... Actually, today 100 years ago someone was shot in Sarajevo, which caused World War I, and this story happened here in Belgium in World War I, not too far away from here... THE PRICE OF A MILE!!!" This song hadn't been played live in several years, so long the band was requested by both fans and the planers of the festival to put it on the set list for this show.

A song directly written about the battle of Passchendaele but meant as a message against the senseless deaths of Millions upon Millions of young men in the trenches of Europe during both World Wars. The song stood at monumental 7 minutes long and had always been a fan favourite. Even Harris, who liked the band for its heavier tracks, could enjoy the song and felt quite compelled by its message and almost always had to wipe a tear from his eyes when the song came on on his phone or playlist in Windows Media Player. He was deeply moved by the happenings of the wars anyway, but this song with its lament-like vocal line and hard-hitting lyrics just gave him the rest. Even the deadest of rocker hearts could shed a tear for those fallen so young and so absolutely senselessly.

Joakim then talked to the audience again; "We have a little problem... For the next song we need three guitars, but we only have 2 guitar players and I am totally shit!" The crowd would have eaten from his palm by this point, they really didn't care about any of that, they wanted to see and hear Joakim try and play. The guitar tech brought out a black Gibson Les Paul and handed it to Joakim, who took it off him awkwardly. "Well, this is embarrassing... There's at least 25 people watching me now!" An uproar of laughter could be heard through the crowd as the Brodinator hung the guitar over his shoulder and started playing the main riff of "Smoke on the Water". Chris and Thorbjörn obviously had to make fun of him for being bad at playing the guitar, but something completely unexpected happened when Joakim channelled his inner Kirk Hammett and started playing the intro to Metallica's "Master of Puppets". Pretty impressively well, some would later add to their accounts of the events. Harris was pretty blown away that Joakim could actually play it and was the first one to applaud for the great performance which was cut short by the announcement of "Resist and Bite".

"Resist and Bite" had quickly become a fan favourite after the album "Heroes" had been published. No wonder; it was a solidly composed nicely arranged song that felt both heart-felt and aggressive. A mixture that always made heads turn within the Metal community. But the best was yet to come; "Gott mit Uns", a song about the Battle of Breitenfeldt which saw the Swedish troops lead by Gustavus Adolphus stand victoriously against the Austrian army during the 30-years War, the first real conflict without a clear winner or loser as both sides suffered horrendous losses and damage to infrastructure and cities. During this anthem-like song praising the Swedish war effort Harris decided that now Rainbow's time had come to join her Heroes on stage; with a pretty forceful throw the little plushie sored over the heads of the first row and security, landing softly directly behind one of the stage monitors.

The song came to a close and little Rainbow Dash grabbed Joakim's attention; He walked over, shaking his head with a smile and picked up the little blue bundle of awesome. "Are you serious, Graspop? Fucking My Little Pony? At a Sabaton show? You guys are absolutely fucking crazy!" Though his words did not reflect it, Harris saw the wide grin on Joakim's face as he decided to stuff the little Pegasus in the pocket of his fake Kevlar Vest and finish the show. Harris had one hell of a time at Graspop that year and definitely planned to return to maybe throw a Twilight Sparkle at Chris Bowes of Alestorm or an Applejack at M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold. Anyway, it was time to start heading either in direction Calais to catch a ferry home or to the bar stands to keep the party going. Ah, who was he kidding? Of course he'd stay behind and have maybe one or two pints.

Drinks too Stronk

Meanwhile night had fallen on the battleground of the Graspop Festival but Harris was still around with a fair few others, determined to drink and have a good time. His experiences from the amazing day this day had to be processed and discussed and what place was better for that than a beer tent on the festival grounds? Nowhere is where!

He walked up to the bar and ordered himself a beer; golden, malty in flavour and pretty unhealthy, but still blissful. With his beer in his hand he walked to find a place to sit and just like that he found a place with a few others who stayed behind to get hammered and just have a good time while doing so.

The people at the table came from all stages of the festival; stories where told of the amazing shows of Avenged Sevenfold, Opeth and various other bands, but the one he was interested the most in was still Sabaton. He was eager to share his experiences, though he was a bit shy about it. He would just drink a few beers and the shyness would fade away, opening the gates to free conversation.

Harris sat there, taking in the other attendees' stories of the shows they attended until from the corner of his eye he saw something that made his night; a body with a military vest, cammo pants and a Rainbow Dash plushie looking out of one of the pockets of the vest. Could it really be Joakim? The faint Sound of Swedish banter confirmed his thoughts.

Slowly he walked over to the band and struck up a conversation; "Hey, Joakim! Great show tonight. I see you kept the plushie." Joakim looked a little confused at the sudden start of a conversation but Joined in regardless.

"Hey, nice that you enjoyed the show! As for the plushie... Do you know who threw that on stage?" Joakim was still a bit perplexed by the pony suddenly flying on stage but from the look on his face one could tell he found it very funny.

"Oh, the little Rainbow Dash was my idea. I thought from an analysis of her character in the show that she would love your music and decided to take her along. And she enjoyed her stay so much that she wanted to get on stage with you guys." Harris chuckled to himself. He was aware that this would sound very adventurous to anyone who didn't have an this extensive knowledge of the show.

Joakim looked at him with a slightly astonished look on his face. "So, you're telling me you analysed a character from My Little Pony and thought it was a good idea to throw it up on stage?" His face dissolved back into his usual wide smile. "Well then, I have to tell you, you are absolutely crazy. But in the best possible way. I mean, this is amazing and disturbing at the same time..." A questioning look formed on Joakim's face; "So, tell me, what exactly is so amazing about that kid's show for someone your age to enjoy it this much?"

Harris did his best to explain the references and easter eggs in the show that make it appealing to an older demographic over a few beers as not only Joakim but also the rest of the band listened keenly. A long time went by, a lot of beer and other alcohols was consumed and by the end of it all, the band were kind of enlightened in the ways of bronyism. The time had come for Harris to say goodbye and head out to sober up for his trip to the ferry the next day.

"This guy is totally crazy, but I can sort of get behind it..." Chris was definitely the most understanding of the group. He started identifying as sort of a sympathiser. He could grasp how someone his age could like a show like that and how everything sort of made sense. "I mean, everyone needs a time-out from the sadness of this world once in a while. For us it's music for others it's lovy dovy kid's shows."

Joakim still remained sceptical towards the whole thing. A man should be a little tougher than that. "Ponies may be nice to look at, and Rainbow Dash might be a perfect match for a Metalhead's personality but this goes a little far, doesn't it? I mean, where would we be if we all were like that?" He thought about his statement a little and then gave himself an answer. "We'd be jobless! There wouldn't be any war and people wouldn't care about atrocities of the past."

"A drink to that!" Pär was enthusiastic about the new perspective, but still wanted to continue making music the way they always had for the past 15 Years. He was too proud of the music they made to kick it to the curb and ordered another round of drinks for the whole band.

And so the drinking and partying continued into the early hours of the next morning. The band dragged themselves back to the tour bus and sat down on the couch together. "Well, I guess giving it a try can't hurt..." Joakim switched on the TV and went on Netflix to find them some MLP to watch.

"Oh, well... We can't just watch part one of a two part episode." Chris chuckled to the group. "That would be stupid! We have to watch at least two episodes if we start now."

Joakim looked at the Episode title hard and decided to give it a shot. "So, The Elements of Harmony Part 1 and 2 it is..." He selected the first episode and pressed play.

Not even half way through the episode all five members of the band were fast asleep and didn't notice a thing. The night flew by and nothing eventful happened... At least as far as the members of Sabaton would have known.

An Awkward Awakening

The unfiltered rays of an especially yellow sun danced on Joakim's nose. However it felt odd; he felt the warmth of the suns light far further away from the rest of his face than usual. His face felt elongated and heavier than usual. He felt weak in his legs and... Wait! Where did his arms go? And what was that rod on his forehead forcing his Mohawk apart? He felt very weird. And even opening his eyes a tiny bit already opened his eyes to his entire surrounding area. What on Earth happened to him?

Panic gripped him as he tried to stand up and found himself barely able to stand upright. With a little bit of further eye-opening and a look down his side he could make out as usual, his vest and navy patterned pants, but what on Earth were THOSE? In a panicked state of mind he realised his arms were no longer arms and his feet were no longer feet. "Horse legs? What the actual flying fuck is this???"

The other band members were already awake and well on their feet, still struggling slightly to walk in this very unusual manner. "Well, this is really great, isn't it?" Hannes rolled his giant eyes. "How am I supposed to play the drums with THESE?" He clopped his hooves together to emphasise his point. And it was a very valid one at that.

"Well, we're all sort of screwed... You can't play guitar with hooves either, nor can you hold a microphone or play the bass." Pär looked sort of lost in this world. He had dropped out of school and devoted his life to music, how would he live in this strange new world they trod in now?

Joakim thought about the situation for a bit. What could they do, realistically speaking? "Guys, I think we should try to make our way over to that town over there. Maybe there's someone there who can help us." He dropped on all four hooves to have an easier time walking and led the charge of the now ponified Sabaton gang.

As they reached the village ahead of them they were greeted by a very jumpy and noisy pink pony; It was weird for the five to see a pony actually bouncing on its legs like this. It seemed very unnatural, impossible even. "Hello, friends," the pony blurted out in a very excited and giggly way with a humorously high-pitched voice. "Welcome to Ponyville! I'm Pinkie Pie and from now on we will be best friends!!!"

Joakim raised an eyebrow. This pony seemed insane enough to be a jester at some royal court. "Ok then... I'm Joakim and those are Pär, Chris, Thobbe and Hannes." The terrified Metal band members stood in a formation behind Joakim, trying their best to hide from this pink nightmare. "Would you be so kind to tell us where the fuck we are?"

The pink pony giggled to herself before answering his question. "I told you where you are, you silly! You're in Ponyville, the home of the Elements of Harmony, the best cakes you'll ever eat and Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship!" The pink pony had an ever-growing smile on her face that seemed indestructible.

"Ok, where exactly is Ponyville, if I may ask?" Thobbe just about had it with this obnoxious pink pony. "Please tell me this is just a dream..." He rolled his eyes at the situation and just wondered how it could have come to this. Probably a sensible thing to think about; it's not every day you magically wake up in a whole different dimension.

The pink pony rubbed her chin with her forehoof and thought for a second before pulling a map of what the five could only imagine was this strange world they were stranded in out of thin air. "You see, this is the map of Equestria and we are right..." she looked at the map for a second, "Here! Ponyville! About an hour from Canterlot by train." She pulled on the line at the bottom of the map making it roll up and disappear into nothingness.

Joakim and co were still confused as to where they had ended up until he looked at the plushie stuffed in the pocket of his Kevlar Vest. "This may be a stupid question, but are we still on Earth?" He couldn't think of any logical explanation for this situation, so this seemed like a good question to ask.

"Oh, of course! Or are you walking on air? Of course we're on Earth, you big dummy!" The pink pony laughed again. Was this pony trying to taunt them or did she just think she was super funny about it? Either way, the five shook their heads in disbelief at the answer they were given. It did make sense however, because after all they were walking on land.

Joakim went up to the pink pony and gave her a little shove at the chest level with his hoof. "Time to talk straight, young lady! Just bring us to someone who can explain in detail what the flying fuck is going on here!" Thinking he made himself very clear he looked the pink pony deep in the eyes until she broke out in hysterical laughter.

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha, stop staring at me like that! Alright, alright... I'll bring you to Twilight's castle so she can explain to you what happened. I'm not good at explaining thingies, but if you ever need a party to be planned, I'm the pony for the task! Keep that in mind!" She smiled at Joakim before turning around by 180 degrees in one jump and started bouncing back into town. The five newly transformed stallions followed her reluctantly, but right now she was their only hope at figuring out what had happened to them.