Mayor Mare had an even longer day.
“Why today of all days?” Octavia grumbled to herself as she lurched through her front door. To be technical, only half of the front door was hers. That was the half that looked fairly traditional and normal, along with that whole half of the house. “I should not have to avoid a giant flying bear just for the sake of some new strings! I should’ve stayed in Canterlot.”
She tossed her bag onto the couch, and eyed it grumpily for a moment before starting to unpack it. Ever since moving to Ponyville, her life had turned into a long series of crises. Granted, her life in Canterlot had also been a long series of crises, but at least those had been fairly mundane. Things like being suddenly requested at a garden party and having to learn a new piece in two days, or something similarly pedestrian. Sure, the Grand Galloping Gala had been destroyed by rampaging animals, and shortly thereafter a Changeling invasion had taken place, but those had been exceptional events.
Then she had moved to Ponyville and now it seemed like disasters occurred with distressing regularity. It annoyed her. And it annoyed her even more that she had grown so accustomed to such things that annoyance was her primary reaction. Giant monsters were not something that one was supposed to get used to.
She made a conscious decision not to think about it and focused on re-stringing her cello. It wasn’t the best time to need a new string. It would stretch after she put it on the instrument and throw off her tuning. Granted, she only had two songs to play, and she’d have more than enough time during the ceremony to retune it. There was also the small issue that she hadn’t yet decided on which two songs she would play. There were plenty of options; her wedding repertoire was sizeable enough. The question was which ones. Just as well, she could play through them all and see which ones sounded the best. It would help her make sure everything was in tune. At least that was the plan.
The door burst open again and Vinyl stomped in. As usual, everything about her was loud. Octavia could hear the music from Vinyl’s headphones. How Vinyl could hear anything at that volume was a mystery. It was a miracle she still had eardrums. She pulled off the headphones and the music got even louder for a second before she pulled the plug.
“What a crazy day!” Vinyl said, dumping her saddlebags on her own couch, the pattern of which was, of course, loud. “Seriously, every day it’s something different.”
“I take it you had to avoid the monster as well?” Octavia asked, not looking up from her cello.
“Monster? What monster?”
“The enormous insectoid bear that’s been flying around the town square for the past half hour?”
“Huh. Hadn’t heard about that. Nah, I was on my way home and this random pony came up to me and started doing some sort of charades. Took me a while to figure out what he wanted, but I eventually figured out that he wanted to go to the bowling alley.”
“Charades?” Octavia raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, it was really strange. Wavin’ his forelegs and stuff. Don’t know why he didn’t just ask where the alley was.”
“Vinyl…”
“Yeah?”
“Did you forget that you were wearing your headphones again?”
Vinyl chewed on her lip. “Oh. Oh well. Once we got to the bowling alley he seemed perfectly happy anyway.”
“You really should take those off when you’re out in public. Or at least turn them down slightly.” Octavia looked up from her music. “You never know when somepony might be trying to tell you something important.”
“Or they’re just trying to sell you something,” Vinyl snorted. “Like last week I was just walking down the road, and I swear like every pony I passed was trying to get me to buy stuff. Carrots, cherries, broccoli… Totally crazy.”
Octavia rolled her eyes. “You didn’t try to take a shortcut on your way home from the record store, did you?”
“Yeah, I did, why?”
“Vinyl, your shortcut went right through the middle of the market. Of course ponies were trying to sell you things. It’s what the market is for. Really, you need to pay more attention to your surroundings. All of this ‘zoning out’ is going to get you in trouble.”
“Never given me problems before.” Vinyl stuck out her tongue. “Besides, I don’t always listen to music. I needed to run through the playlist for my gig tonight.”
“Gig? You never mentioned anything about any gig.”
“Yeah, I got a wedding reception to play this afternoon.” Vinyl flipped a switch on her turntable, and her massive speaker stack began to hum, making every piece of furniture in the room rattle. “Got most of it ironed out, but it never hurts to run through it ahead of time.”
“Wait, you have a wedding to play as well? I’m supposed to play at a wedding at Town Hall at three this afternoon.”
“Well, you’d better play pretty quickly, since my gig’s in Town Hall too, and it starts at four.”
Octavia paused to think. “Vinyl, whose wedding is it?”
“That donkey that moved to town last year. Crinkly, or something like that. And Malinda.”
Octavia paused again. “First of all, I believe you’re thinking of Cranky and Matilda.”
“Right! Them!”
“Second, I’m quite sure that we’ve inadvertently been booked to play the same event.”
“Third, you should probably get going,” Vinyl said. “You don’t want to be late!”
“What are you talking about?” Octavia glanced at her clock, which displayed 11:38. “I still have several hours before the ceremony begins.”
“Oh, right, I forgot to tell you about that,” Vinyl scratched her head awkwardly. “When I was recalibrating my speaker stack yesterday the vibrations might have knocked your clock off the wall.”
“What?” Octavia almost dropped her cello. “What time is it? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Vinyl shrugged. “I thought you could just check my clock.”
Octavia looked at the clock hanging on Vinyl’s half of the room. It was simultaneously both the classiest and most kitschy thing Vinyl possessed. The kitsch came from a number of factors, most prominently the fact that the hands and numbers on the clock ran in reverse, moving counterclockwise rather than the normal direction. The class, which was admittedly minimal, came from the fact that the overall shape of the clock was somewhat melty and globular in a blatant allusion to the famous painting. Naturally, this fact added more to the kitsch than the class, but for Vinyl at least it was something.
“You know I prefer to avoid looking at that at all possible. Just tell me what time it is.”
“Hmmm. Looks like...quarter to 3.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah, definitely a quarter to 3.”
“I need to get to Town Hall!” Octavia threw her Cello into the case as delicately as she could. “And why aren’t you already on your way? You have to play too, you know!”
Vinyl just shrugged again. “No reason for me to rush. I can get from here to Town Hall in like three minutes. I wasn’t gonna leave for a couple more minutes, but if you’re in such a hurry we can get going now.”
“How exactly, do you plan to get us there in time?”
Vinyl grinned. “Follow me.”
“What...what is it?” Octavia asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
“Well, it was always a pain in the flank having to drag all my gear to a gig and get it set up, so I thought ‘why not just set it up beforehand and then move it all at once?’” Vinyl said proudly. “With this baby, we can be at Town Hall within the next five minutes! And I’ll be all set up within the next six minutes!”
“Where on earth did you get it?”
“Made it myself. I mean, all I really had to do was screw some stuff together and add wheels.”
Octavia chewed on her lip. “You know, I think I’ll walk.”
“You really think you can make it all the way to the square in like ten minutes? You don’t want to be late…”
“Fine, I’ll ride this monstrosity. But you’re paying for all of the fines that you’re going to accrue.”
“Great! Hop on!” Vinyl patted the seat. “You can ride up top.”
“There’s no seat belt,” Octavia said as she climbed into the seat.
“Yeah, that’s what the rope is for.”
“I cannot believe I’m doing this.”
“Alright, hold on to your bass!” Vinyl turned a key, and the speaker stack began to rumble.
“It’s a cello!” Octavia shouted over the roar. Vinyl didn’t hear her. Or she did, but just didn’t care. The vehicle, if it could be called that, lurched forward. “Vinyl, I don’t think this this is going to fit through the—”
It didn’t fit through the door. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, the wall to the garage was thin.
“ARE YOU CRAZY!?” Octavia shouted. “You’re gonna kill somepony!”
“Relax, we’d have to knock the wall out to install a larger door anyway!” Vinyl looked back over her shoulder to look as Octavia clung to everything for dear life. “And you don’t have to hold on that tight. Not with the suspension I’ve got installed on this thing. Gotta make sure I don’t damage the components, you know?”
“Look at the road before you run somepony over!”
“Oh, right.” Vinyl spun the wheel, and the rig turned on a dime. Or at least it tried to. Instead, it started to drift, sliding at an angle down the road. “Hope the homeowners association doesn’t complain too much about the road…” Vinyl said as she glanced at the ruts that the wheels were grinding into the surface.
“The Mayor isn’t going to be happy about that,” Octavia said, not happy about how quickly she was acclimating to the ride.
“It’s just dirt. Once it rains it’ll be back to normal.”
“But the road to town hall is paved! You’ll tear it up!”
“Good point. Better take a shortcut.” Vinyl spun the wheel again.
“GAAAAHHH! Watch out for the bush!”
“It’s just a bush!” Vinyl shouted. “No big deal.”
The rig thumped, nearly throwing Octavia and her cello off the top.
“Vinyl, I think you just ran over the Princess! She had the same coat color and a purple mane and everything!”
“She didn’t have wings!” Vinyl retorted. “Besides, she shouldn’t have been hiding in that bush! You don’t hide in a bush unless you’re up to something! That’s the risk you take!”
“But you hide in bushes all the time! Does that mean you’re… nevermind. Of course it does.”
“Besides, this thing rides super high. I’m pretty sure she went between the wheels, not under them. Mostly.”
“Vinyl, look at the road!”
“What are you talking about? It’s a shortcut, there is no road!”
“That’s not what I-”
-WHUMP-
A purple pony with an enormous barrel under one of her forelegs seemingly dropped out of the air and landed squarely next to Octavia.
“Are you okay!?” Octavia gasped.
“Huh?” The other pony hiccuped. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She patted the barrel. “Cider’s fine too.”
“But how did…” Octavia looked down at the rapidly moving ground and then back up to the pony sitting beside her. “How did you get knockedup here?”
“Heck if I know,” she said with a shrug. “Physics get a bit weird when I have too much cider.” She hiccuped again. “Where’re we goin’ anyway?”
“To the wedding!”
“Oh, right, that’s where I was taking this. Mind if I hitch a ride?”
“Sure!” Vinyl called. “Hey, look, I bet they’re going to the wedding, too!” The cart veered towards a couple of well dressed ponies.
“Vinyl! Don’t-”
A moment later both of them were sitting on top of the speaker next to Octavia.
“Oh my,” One of them said.
“You headed to the wedding too?” Octavia asked with a scowl.
“We are, actually.”
“Of course.” Octavia shook her head. “Hold on, I guess. And watch out.”
“Watch out for what?”
Octavia looked up. “That.”
Right on cue, Lyra dropped out of the air next to her, narrowly missing the other ponies.
“Hey, Octavia,” she said nonchalantly, as if she didn’t even realize she was riding down the street on top of a gigantic subwoofer. “You’re on the way to the wedding, right?”
“Yes, we are.”
“I thought so. I was on my way there, but I didn’t want to be late. Bon Bon would kill me, so I figured I’d hitch a ride. We were over there this morning helping to decorate, but some… uh… stuff happened and I had to go home and take a nap.”
“Right,” Octavia said, only halfway paying attention.
“Aren’t you curious about what kind of stuff happened?”
“Not really. I have enough chaos in my own life, thank you very much.”
“Oh.”
Octavia looked up to find that yet more ponies were being scooped up onto Vinyl’s bizarre conveyance. Exactly how they were being knocked upwards by the collisions was a mystery that she had no interest in investigating. If nothing else, it would at least keep Vinyl from getting sued for personal injury. Property damage, on the other hoof…
“I’m sure the Cakes didn’t really need that fence,” Vinyl said.
“Maybe not, but they probably liked it.”
“Hey, look! There they are!” Vinyl waved at Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who were proceeding down the road towards the Town Hall with agonizing slowness.
Octavia stared in horror as the speaker stack bore down on them. And the massive wedding cake that they were painstakingly transporting toward the festivities.
“VINYL! THE CAKE!”
“Yeah, I see it! It looks really nice!”
“IF YOU HIT THAT CAKE I’M SELLING YOUR TURNTABLE!”
For once in her life, Vinyl was scared.
“Hold on, everypony!” She spun the steering wheel and the vehicle lurched to the side. Octavia bit her lip as she saw it begin to veer to the side as the Cakes watched in terror. The speakers roared past, just barely missing them. The wedding cake trembled for a moment, and was still. Despite the rush of wind and noise of the speakers, Octavia could hear their sighs of relief.
She didn’t sigh in relief, because the speaker was now heading straight toward the massive crowd of ponies that was heading toward the Hall. Octavia couldn’t even muster up the energy to be frightened, angry, shocked, or any other feeling appropriate to the situation. All she could find in herself was resignation.
“Oh no,” she said flatly, and mostly out of obligation.
“I just don’t get it! I just bumped into Princess Twilight once, and now everypony assumes I’m getting special treatment or something. Seriously, it’s not like I even really even talked to her. But my entire unit hates me now. It’s like they all think that she’s doing me all these favors and whatnot. Even though that makes no sense at all, since I’ve only ever seen her in person once, and she doesn’t even live in the Crystal Empire anyway! I mean, Shining Armor is okay about it, since he knows that nothing’s up, but I’m still sick of everypony giving me crap over it.”
“Uh huh,” Bon Bon grunted. It wasn’t often that she wished Lyra would show up. “Yeah, that can be annoying all right.” One of Cadance’s bodyguards, an orange pegasus, had apparently just gotten off on break and had decided the best use of his time was to gripe. Unfortunately, Bon Bon had encountered him before back in basic training, and he had decided that she would make for a sympathetic ear.
“It sure is, Sweetie Drops,” he grumbled.
“It’s Bon Bon, remember? My cover?”
“Oh, right. Anyway, yeah, I’m thinking about maybe putting in a transfer to Cloudsdale. You know, being a pegasus and all. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly be on the Wonderbolts or anything. Then again, it might be cool if I could get on their combat focused auxiliary. Their main team is mostly for showing off. I doubt there’s a real combat flier in there at all. Did you hear about the time that they had to fight a dragon, and didn’t manage to accomplish anything except cutting some spines off before getting themselves stuck in the water tower?”
“Yeah, I heard about that. I was there for it. It happened in Ponyville, remember?”
“Oh, right. Anyway, it’s just been a real pain. Maybe Princess Twilight could iron it all out, but then it would really look like something’s going on, and that would just make things worse.”
“Yes. Worse,” Bon Bon mumbled. She glanced at the clock. At least she wouldn’t have to put up with this crap much longer. The wedding was supposed to start in less than five minutes. Or at least it would if not for the fact that roughly half the guests seemed to be late. Ponyville Time… she thought. “Where is everypony?” she asked, out loud so that maybe she’d have a chance at changing the subject.
“No idea.”
“I guess I’d better check.” She turned around and opened the massive exterior window and glanced out. “Uh oh.”
She ducked and huddled under the window.
“What is it?” The orange pegasus poked his head over the windowsill. “What’s-”
There was an enormous THUD as the speaker stack slammed into the wall beneath the window. Its numerous passengers, dislodged by the force of the impact, flew through the window. As the cacophony faded Bon Bon looked up carefully. The wall had bowed inward in an oddly perfect impression of the vehicle that had smashed into it. Bon Bon wasn’t sure exactly what kind of object could possibly have caused such a crash, but at least it had gotten rid of her conversation partner.
She looked up to survey the damage. She blinked. There was no damage to survey. Aside from the pegasus, who was pancaked on the opposite wall, all of the other ponies who had presumably been riding the thing had somehow managed to land perfectly in their seats. Except for one, a grey earth pony with a cello who had landed at the front of hall, right next to all the other instrumentalists. Her mane was slightly ruffled and her eyes bugged out a little, but she seemed to be none the worse for wear.
Bon Bon shrugged. It was Ponyville. Weirder things had happened.
Vinyl poked her head over the windowsill. “Right on time. Told ya.”
Octavia had elected to walk back home after the ceremony had concluded. Despite… well, everything, it had actually turned out rather well. Her cello had held its tune long enough to bring the bride down the aisle, and the wedding itself had been miraculously free of disturbances by ginormous and dangerous creatures. Even Vinyl’s performance at the reception had been a success.
Her walk home was worryingly uneventful. Sure, no monsters had attacked, she hadn’t been struck with collateral damage from a megaspell, and Equestria remained un-invaded. She wanted to enjoy the silence, but she knew from experience that it really meant that the universe was probably just saving it all up. She’d probably get home and her cello would inexplicably burst into flames or something.
She sighed as she saw her house. The garage looked like someone had set off a bomb inside; the front wall (and by extension, the door) was completely gone, along with a sizeable section of the room. She honestly didn’t mind the damage that much. Ponyville had plenty of carpenters capable of undoing wanton destruction. It was one of the few upsides of all the disasters. The downside was that her insurance almost certainly wouldn’t cover any of this. Flattening a wall with a gigantic speaker stack tended not to be included in the terms.
For now she’d just ignore it. If she thought a bit, she knew she could come up with a way to force Vinyl to pay for it, but right now she was too tired to think. She entered the house and put her cello away. Fortunately, aside from the crash knocking her clock off the wall (again), everything still seemed to be in place. Vinyl hadn’t returned yet. The reception, as Octavia could hear in the distance, was still going, and probably would continue for another few hours. Hopefully when Vinyl returned, she wouldn’t use the same braking mechanism that she had used at, or rather on, the Town Hall.
Octavia yawned. The sun hadn’t even gone down yet, but she could barely keep her eyes open. Just being in proximity with Vinyl sapped her energy. She got a drink of water, drew the blinds, and crawled into bed. Hopefully she’d be able to get some sleep before Vinyl returned with an inevitable cacophony.
Vinyl crawled out of bed to find Octavia already at the kitchen table, calmly sipping a cup of coffee as she read the morning paper.
“Good morning, Vinyl,” she said.
“Mornin’” Vinyl mumbled as she ambled in the general direction of the coffeepot.
“I didn’t hear you come back last night,” Octavia said. “And it seems that the damage to the garage is no worse than it was. What happened to your… ride?”
“Got impounded,” Vinyl slurred as she took the coffeepot. She made a halfhearted effort to locate a mug, promptly gave up, and took a swig directly from the pot. “After the reception.”
“Uh huh,” Octavia said.
“Dunno, what the big deal is. Just ‘cause I was late gettin’ the registration in…” She downed the rest of the coffee and blinked rapidly as the caffeine began to kick in. “Oh well. The party was totally worth it. I’m surprised you didn’t hang around.”
“Are you really?”
“No.” Vinyl squinted. The windows let in way too much light. “Ugh, where’d I leave my shades?”
“I think you just tossed them on the couch when you returned. That’s what you normally do.”
“Oh, right.” Vinyl went into the living room. As she began to rummage through the sofa cushions, the doorbell rang. “Can you get that?” she called.
“Get it yourself,” Octavia answered. “You’re right next to the door.”
“Fine,” Vinyl grumbled. She clomped irritably over to the door and opened it. “Yeah?”
Vinyl was not an easily frightened pony. She had already lived through changeling invasions, parasprite infestations, the reign of a chaos spirit… honestly most of it wasn’t that bad. In fact, she appreciated the occasional shake-ups. Kept life interesting. The pony at the door scared her.
“Good morning, Ms. Scratch,” said the Mayor. “As you know doubt are aware, my job involves a great deal of paperwork. Perhaps you could assist me in dealing with some of it. Specifically some relating to yesterday’s… events.” She reached into her saddlebags and withdrew a massive stack of papers. “Let’s see what we have here. Ah, yes. Damage to public property. Four of them. Two for the roads, one as a catch-all for all the landscaping, and one for the Town Hall. Destruction of private property, specifically a fence. Driving an unlicensed and uninsured vehicle…” She began flipping rapidly through the papers. “I’m not sure exactly how many counts of reckless endangerment. At least a dozen. Unapproved construction…” her eyes darted towards the now-ruined garage. “What else do we have here? Ah, seven counts of public disturbance, plus several violations of noise regulations.”
“But they hired me for that!” Vinyl protested.
“I know Cranky and Matilda, and I’m quite certain they didn’t request music loud enough to peel the paint off of a nearby house,” the Mayor said flatly. “Not to mention for several hours after they had left for their honeymoon. Let’s see… illegal parking, public drunkenness, littering.”
“Littering?”
“That one was from a week ago. I thought I would include it.” She closed the folder. “I am not a fan of paperwork, but it really must be dealt with.”
“Er...paperwork?”
“Yes,” the Mayor answered. “Paperwork. Which is in all likelihood anathema to you, but I assure that the alternative is much worse.”
“It is?”
“Oh yes. The penalty for not filling out this paperwork and paying all of the fines-”
“Fines?”
“Yes, fines. Causing large amounts of property damage tends to result in fines.”
“And the, uh, alternative?”
“Even more fines, and even more paperwork.”
Vinyl swallowed and then turned around. “Octavia! It’s for you.”
There was no answer. She ran to the kitchen and poked her head in. Octavia was gone. The table was empty except for a single note reading “Good luck.”
Vinyl swallowed. Her eye twitched as she heard the Mayor impatiently rap her hoof on the threshold.
“Come along, Ms. Scratch. We have a lot of work to do.”
