We're Not Alone Anymore

by LifeIsForPenguinHugs

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Original Character
Length: 21248

We thought we were the only ones out there, until one man encountered ponykind.

In the year 2024 humanity once again broke the sky with fire as a new president gave funds to companies that were for space exploration. Within his first year he secured a deal with China, Russia and the rest of the superpowers come under a single agreement; the betterment of mankind. Within his second term we were working on machines to propel us farther than Mars and machines to look for detecting radio waves. Fifty years later we found nothing, we realized one of three things has happened we are the first intelligent species, we are the last intelligent species, or we are the only ones in existence. We cried, but we all knew what needed to happen we spread our wings and colonized. Now we discovered faster than light travel and our oldest need came back, the need to discover. One cycle of 24 hours (equivalent to one day and night on Terra/Sol 3/Earth) it all changed.

Published 2017-09-29 00:40:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-28 15:03:45 UTC

Space the Somesort of Frontier

The dull hum of a ship filled my ears, the quiet thumb of rubber soles on metal echoed through the corridor. The lone crew member on the small exploratory vehicle made his way to the ship's mess room. The door slid open to show a simple chair with a glass screen on the wall, with a grunt of bliss he sat down. The screen came to life with its choices. A finger hit the classic scrambled eggs and bacon, the "food" came out on a plate. A fork stabbed into the nutrient rich food stuff, with a simple flick of the wrist food was introduced to mouth. A content sigh rang through the small room, the food was quickly devoured. The plate was thrown into a small hole as he stood, with a stretch a loud pop was heard. As he exited he rounded a corner to the pilot seat. His feet kicked up on the dash a finger hit the shiny button labeled Vroom Vroom.

*Equestria Luna*

Twas a simple day, and now night in Canterlot. Luna stood on her balcony, as she gazed up at her work she spotted a slight green line. While an uncommon occurrence meteorites pass by Equss. As she saw the line go by she realized that it's been far too long since her subjects were blessed with a meteor shower. She reached with her magic, it grasped the usual cold rock of space. But instead of it slowing it started flying towards the planet! With a sudden jolt of fear she used her magic to push the meteorite to a near slow and to the WhiteTail Woods. With a sigh she felt fear that it would hurt somepony but then again this happened occasionally and they usually burned up. But she should write a letter to her sister's protégé to tell her it was nothing. If only she knew what was in that "meteorite."

*Five minutes ago*

Fear was on my face as red lights and an alarm sounded, it was all fine until a sudden shift in Gravity from a near by planet pulled me from Half and Half*. The nose of the ship turned to the planet and I screamed like a man for my mom, as I entered orbit I realized this was gonna hurt in the morning.

*Next Day After School Ponyville*

The four sat in the tree house, three fillies and a human boy. All sat around an oval table and discussed on what to do when the human child spoke up.

"I think we should you know, go look for that weird shootin' star we saw last night!" The three looked at him then pondered it until a grin encompassed their faces. With a large vacuum of air being pulled into the fillies lungs they shouted their war cry.

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! STAR FINDERS! YAY!

*Crash Site*

My head throbbed with pain, my body felt like a thousand wheeled vehicle ran me over. I sat up with a groan, I started to stand until I became light headed. I sat back down with my head on my knees until I felt better. As I stood again I look out the window, my heart stops when I see I'm in a gorgeous forest. My heart breaks as I scramble for my PDA, I find the now cracked screen and then iturn it on. The clear screen turns blue as it scans my face, it opens up as I start recording. I sprint to the airlock but realize that I may die due to the air. I set the PDA down and scramble to the armory. My thumb hit the scanner and the doors magnetic lock slid open revealing the room and strapped the light combatant armor on, I scanned the slug throwers that adorned the same shelf to my right. My eyes hit the simple black rifle chambered in 8.9 mm rounds, a bandolier hung bellow it with ten magazines in it. I hooked the mags to my body and gripped an environment tester, I pressed the blue blue but and a vacuum sound indicated it was functioning. Now I'm ready to go out, the airlock opens with my rifle up and the PDA recording this I step out into the wild.

*Cutie Mark Crusaders*

The four sat in a ring outside of the simple farm house of Sweet Apple Acheres. All of them had a backpack, Sweetie Belle with water, Scootaloo with food, Applebloom with camping gear, and James with rope to drag the star back to Ponyville.

The group set off to the WhiteTail Woods ready to find a star. The small group hugged the edge of the trail to the forest, spotting a small thin whisp of grey smoke. Their speed picked up as they now ran, through the bushes and stopped into a now clearing due to the impact of what ever hit the forest floor. The sank in the west as they neared the impact sight, their hooves (and in one case feet) sank as dirt had shaken loose. The odd heavenly smell of smoke wafted through the air as they poked their heads through bushes. They saw a bipedal sort of creature, its skin had a black sheen and in its right hand held a weird black stick. In its left held high in the air was a blue beeper, a voice waved through the air.

"Ok the air is similar, but the level of ash and smoke carbon dioxide is higher due to my crash site. Which is understandable," it slung the stick into its shoulder as it continued the monologue, "I hope that the Watney* protocol supplies survived the crash." They were in awe, a real life alien! What was deemed fiction had turned out to be a fact! In their state of awestruckness Sweetie Belle shifted her weight forward to get a better look. As she did so she fell forward with a loud thump and groan.

*Alien Human*

A loud thump accompanied by a groan met my ears, I swung the rifle off my shoulder and fell to my knees. The sun now to my back I could see better, and what I saw surprised me. My eyes met a short bipedal unicorn, two other creatures with an equine apperance and to my surprise something that appeared human.

Though they couldn't see it, I was shocked hell I was thunderstruck! There stood a human on an alien planet, my rifle lowered and I took a step forward and raised my hands to chest height to show them I meant no harm. But a voice that yelled in English scared the bejesus out of me.

"Run girls!" The two equinodes and a humanoid sprinted away leaving the unicorn like animal in my destroyed forest. I slowly walk to it and as I reach it I thank god that I can see its lungs expanding. With a loud sigh of relief I pick it up and move to the ship and hopefully take care of any possible injuries.

*One Hour later, Ponyville Library*

Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash along with Twilight and Jame's brother Müller. All of them were panicking about where their family disappeared to. The entire town had been searched twice, the wells eight times, caves fifteen times and trees with sticky sap a thousand times none of them having any results. Zecora along with a small group of Royal Guards were combing through the EverFree Forest, yet they on the verge of a complete mental breakdown as the door slammed open to have three children scrambling over each other as they were all talking over each other.

None could understand what was being said until they started they were told to calm down. They took deep breathes when James spoke up.

"W...we was explorin' the WhiteTail Woods *deep breath* lookin' fer that fallin star. And we found a...a monster! It was tall and scary and and," he looked around for a moment before horror dawned on his face. "We we left Sweetie Belle! We ran without her! Oh no no no she is probably going to be ate!" All faces went pale except for the unconscious unicorn mare.

*Ship Human*

When the realization dawned on me I nearly leaped in joy! I had found the possibly only other sentient life! I sat watching the equine as it laid sleeping, a small patch of biofoam on its head to prevent further bleeding from the fall it took. I sat in a soft chair with a bowl of popcorn as I typed everything I've seen so far, and started to map the area around the crash site. To my west was a river where I can plant potatoes acording to Watney protocol that was drilled into every ship captain. I heard a groan as I looked up at my guest, my face contorted into a grin as she blinked awake. I calmly stood and brought the bowl and a glass of water to her to aid the definite hunger it was going to feel. The alien looked around with a confused face until it saw me, it scooted backwards in fear. My hands to my chest and spoke calmly.

"Hey, it's ok I won't hurt you." It stared at me and I stared at it. "My name is Alexander Kovalyov, what's yours?" It sniffed edits mumbling something. "Could you please repeat that?"

"I said my name's is Sweetie Belle." A small feminine voice spring out.

"That's a nice name!" She grinned and visibly relaxed at my compliment, I nudged the food forward and she now was happily munching on it. There had to be either a tribe or a town around this area, if I was to secure a good graces with the locals I'd need to return her to her home. After carefully pondering my question I asked her, "Do you know where you're home is related to this location?" She looked up and then down shaking her head. "Ok, I'll be back in five minutes, is that ok?" She nodded while still looking down, I moved to the airlock. No longer carrying the rifle a pistol was on my hip. I wandered to the bushes where I saw the locals originally. I found the tracks and found the direction, approximately south, southeast. I walked back to my ship and pushed a seamless pressure plate. It slide to reveal a small cargo hold, inside was a folding bike equipped with shock absorbers, a powerful headlight, and a basket. I grinned as I grabbed the jumble of metal, within four clicks it was ready for action. With a popped stand I walked back into the airlock, with a twist of my back it popped. I sighed a content sigh I went in to get the alien named Sweetie Belle. But instead of her being awake she was asleep, I shook her awake to tell her that I'm going to try and take her home. She groaned in response and simple turned over, I ever so gently reached under her and picked her up. With careful steps were reached the bike, I sat her in the basket. I stood straight and looked at the rather large moon, my face grew a humongous grin when a thought rang through my mind. 'Man everyone back home is gonna be jealous!'

Author's Note

*1: Half and Half is what I'll be calling the moment after the sound barrier but before the Speed of Light is reached.

*2: If you get this reference you get a cyber cookie.

Science and a Party Invintation

With the cargo secured I gently started off in the direction where the tracks went. The cool night air, the moon with a winking face, the bright stars it was amazing. As I peddled I was flooded with nostalgia, the memories of my childhood. A dopey grin filled my face as I remembered birthdays, fireworks, and mimes. I heard chitters of small creatures as they scurried to and fro,and I heard a sudden woosh. I quickly gazed up and looked around. Seeing nothing I realized that it was probably a large bird of prey.

*Small field outside of the WhiteTail Woods*

A small group of fourteen ponies and three humans were armed with lanterns, medical kits and hope. Twilight feverishly wrote to both diarchs of Equestria in hope of a solution. Applejack was tasked with the attempt to keep Rarity from suffering a severe mental breakdown, Rainbow Dash flew ahead in an attempt to see ahead into the forest. As they neared the entrance a loud beating of wings was heard as Rainbow landed, her eyes filled with concern. She spoke clearly and was visibly worried.

"I saw something! I don't know what it was but it's coming this way!"
A curious sound of gears turning, sticks cracking and bushes rustling was echoing towards them. All stopped and were in shook in fear, the unicorns brightened their horns to provide more light, the pegasi moved clouds to allow moonlight, and the humans grabbed sticks. The field's atmosphere was tense, you could feel it as if it was a living breathing creature. The sounds stopped and was replaced with a sharp quick metal twang and more bush rustling.

*Alexander*

I was walking to the bright light and sounds of chatter. As I step through the bushes a loud gasp rang through the field. Around seventeen of the locals stood watching me, some flying and some with glowing horns. A purple one with a glowing horn stepped forward, and so did I. The child that I held by my side was now in my hands held in front of me, another audible gasp I could feel tension rise higher than it already was. A light purple glow encompassed the child and lifted her from my grasp, my arms slowly moved to my chest. With my palms facing them I backpedaled to the bushes and to my bike and then to my bed

*Dreamscape Luna Third Person*

A blue alicorn’s physical form was sitting on a divine blue cushion as she meditated to a dream like state. It became apparent that her mind left and entered the whisps of the void. As she entered she was bestowed the lights of each and every subject in Equestria. But one light shone brighter than any others, the alicorn’s hand reached out to touch it. When it did she appeared in a large city with trees on the streets, vines on buildings, and hundreds if not thousands of humans! Thumps were heard and an extremely large yellow dog, with a cat riding on its back. She was awestruck at this unusual dream. It suddenly squeaked in a whimsical like voice.

"To the moon Garbadon!" And the dog launched to the dream moon with a rainbow. The city changed to be a grey life less wasteland with a yellow dog. But now the cat was large and the dog was the rider. This dream hurt her brain, she had to leave this...this monstrous abomination of a dream!
Before the madness it was born from killed her!

*Alexander Next Day*

The sun was rising and I was no longer wearing the combatant armor. But I was still armed with a High Round Density scatter gun, a hoe raised high struck the earth parting the soil like the Red Sea. A small pouch of modified seeds jostled at my side, sweat poured down into my eyes. With a final strike the small field was ready for seeding, a dirty gloved hand reached and gripped the bits of spud. With a cast a professional dice thrower they hit the rows. A simple swipe with my foot covered them. I grinned like a madman, soon I could have delicious potatoes.

I looked up and saw the sun, it was funny. Usually I'd see bright spots but nothing. It was mesmerizing, I could see the swirls of orange and yellow hell I saw some blue in there too. I wanted this moment of the sun to be forever yet nothing lasts forever, as I heard the crackling of sticks being stepped on. My arm glides to the weapon on my back and raised to be shot. It felt like forever until the thing flopped out onto the ground. Whatever the thing was looked like a dog but it appeared to have bark for fur...skin? It whined loudly and whimpered, while it wasn't a dog it was close enough to cause my heart to shatter.

I approached slowly and cautiously but received no growling or teeth baring, I was close now. Its sad green eyes looked up and met my brown ones, tears were on the verge of spilling out and flooding the immediate area at the sadness inside of it. I squat down and allow myself to fall on my ass. The wood-dog-thing’s head lifted and rested on my leg, my hand ever so slowly touched its head and stroked down its back. The bark looked hard but felt extremely soft, a soft rhythmic thumping came from behind. A gentle peace enveloped my soul, but soon the sound of a stomach’s anger came around. I looked down at my gut and then at the wood dog and thought to myself, ‘I'm getting hungry dog thing, I hope you are too.’

*Bushes Twenty Meters Away Mane Six*

The six mares sat watching the weird being, it appeared to be human but was different. A few physical differences like height and pointy nose put aside it just felt different. Quill scratches and small puffs of smoke was surrounded the group as Twilight was constantly writing and sending reports to Princess Celestia. One unspoken question was simple. ‘Why did it sit and pet a Timberwolf?’ The girls were distracted from their inquiries were interrupted by the sound of popping bones was heard. Now paying attention they watched the human thing go into the weird metallic grey rounded rectangle with the Timberwolf in its hands.

*Alexander*

The metallic thumps of my shoes brought comfort to me. The wood dog on my side like how I carried the local last night. I stopped in front of the armory to store the HRD scatter gun. Now leaving the armory I went to the small kitchen. You know, I have to stop monologuing what I do. As I sit the dog down I press the glass screen for a small chunk of “grilled chicken.” The side door opened and my food was there, the gripped the meat and tore it in half. I gaze at him and notice his eyes follow the meat. I grin and throw it in the air, and he leaps taking the piece into his maw.

I start walking out and I hear the little pitter patter of paws. The door opened and the breath of fresh air made me smile. I knew had I had to record this discovery of a species for science, ah this is going to be fun.

*Mane Six*

The human sat down holding what appeared to be a pane of blue glass. It pressed said glass and a blue light encompassed the Timberwolf for only a second. The creature started to speak.

“This is Datalog: 01 with subject 01 which I named Lupus Lignea. It appears it is a cross Plantae and Mammalia. This changes the world of science as we know it, with an unrecorded test it appears it can eat meat. I do not know if it can go through photosynthesis but I shall record more when more data is available. This is, Alexander Kovalyov signing out.”

The girls looked at each other before they realized one of them was missing, a certain eccentric pink baker. Their pupils shrank as they realized the only place that she could've gone. Looking back up their gaze met Pinkie Pie talking to the human.

*Alexander*

I had an ear to ear smile as I was talking to this eye sore of an intelligent creature! While I only understood a few words like friends, town, bakery, and alligator I was still excited. “If you’d slow down a bit I could understand you better.” She took it too serious and started talking in slow motion. “Ok, how about you talk normally?”

She took a deep breath before speaking again. “Hi! My name is Pinkamina Diane Pie but ponies just call me Pinkie! My favorite color is pink what's yours? I bet it is green! Do you like parties, because I love parties! I bet you're lonely because you lived in space for four years by yourself! *GASP* I have to throw a “Welcome to Equus Spaceman!” party. Will you go? Huh will ya?! will ya?!”

My mind raced, meet more intelligent creatures and taste alien delicacies, “Sure! Just tell me where to go!” She grabbed my PDA and started typing directions on it. With a jump she flew off with a fire trail behind her. As she disappeared into the horizon I realized that I fucked up. I know nothing about their customs. I could accidentally propose to them or offend one of them. But as they say, “When in Space Rome.”

Author's Note

If you notice a grammatical mistake or have a suggestion I'd like to made aware.

The Party

The air was crisp and cold as the sun set, I was in simple clean clothes. The wood dog, I decided to name Woodie, was lying on the ground eating some more “chicken.” He quickly looked up as I passed him but soon went to his meal. I scratched his head before getting on the bike propped on my ship. I had a small backpack on containing a my PDA, the environmental tester, and a Quick Eat Popcorn bag in my waistband was a pistol. As I started I heard a small voice whisper.

“Please adore me.” I stopped and looked around and saw nothing. I gazed up and saw the moon flash gold before going back to grey. I shake my head before continuing my journey to the Magic Pony Town as listed in the directions. It only took a bit to reach the edge of the forest but I was extremely tired. As I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise, I knew I was being watched. But I continued on because it felt right. Soon my bike’s tires hit stone and the ride was less bumpy, looking around I noticed the buildings looked medieval. Now if I remembered right the directions it said find a gingerbread house, I slowed down and looked around.

My eyes hit a building that was lit up in colorful lights, well the only building that had colorful lights on it. I grip the brake handle and stop ten feet away from the door. My foot hit the kickstand and I start to the front door but I stop to touch the wall. It felt like actual gingerbread, I really hope I'm not going to be eaten when I go in. I push the door open and am met with electronic music, smells of sweets and people talking. I step in and smash my head on the door frame.

“Fuck you too door!” I mumble as I rub my forehead while bent over. I stand back up and the top of my head into the door frame slams into the door. Learning from my pain I kick the door frame and bend my knees to walk in. As my pain left, kinda, I notice everyone has stopped talking. I look around and for once I notice that their eyes make up half of their head and that their pupils shrank to the size of an old world penny. “Ugh...hi.” They stare at me and I stare back until I see a pink rocket soar to me and knock me back out the door and onto the hard cobble road. I see stars as my head makes painful contact with the ground. I groan in pain as I sit up, I glare at the eyesore and see her hovering in joy. She grabs me and starts to drag me with surprising amount of strength. I can feel each individual stone and then floorboards as I was forcibly dragged. She grabs me under the armpits and stands me up. My left arm juts out to the nearest table so I could lean on it.

I gaze around and notice a five foot gap between me and the locals. I stand up shakily and ask a simple yet elegant question, “I thought this was a party? Why is no one having fun?” I could see their shoulders lower and let out a breath that they held in. I lick my lips and realize that hitting my head me thirsty for a drink. As I rise to my not impressive height of six foot I notice the locals barely go to my neck excluding the ones with horns of course. My hand reached for a cup of what looked like apple cider but I stop and realize I could die if I drink it. My arms go backwards and the pack slides off, gripping on of the straps in my hand I unzip it and grab the environmental tester. I grab a cup and reach out it in front the camera. My thumb hit the button with a cup on it and a green light came out to scan the drink. The light ends with text popping up with an end report of non toxic but a slight increase of salt, and that it was a style of apple cider. I take a drink and my taste buds were delighted to actually have something good for once. I eye sea foam green cupcakes with dark forest green frosting doing the same as I did with the cupcake but a red box shot up saying that if I consumed it my pancreas would go into overdrive and it would implode but was worded more sciency. I set it down and took five steps back. Taking another drink of the damn good cider I get dragged by the eyesore named Pinkie to meet and greet what the population calls themselves: Ponies.

A lot were surprisingly nice, but the eccentric sugary beast of energy pretty much screamed at me about meeting her BPFAOHFFEs or Best Pony Friends And One Human Friend Forever. Once again picked up by my armpits I was lifted over her head and marched to a booth in the corner. There sat five other females of the species and a male human. She sat me down and slid in next to me.

“Alexandy these are my BPFAOHFFES! BPFAOHFFES, Alexandy!”

“Um...hi.” I looked at them and they looked at me except for a purple one which was writing with a quill, a white one that was staring at my clothes, a blue one with rainbow hair just glared at me, a yellow one hid behind her hair, and the human was very different than I. His eyes were far larger than mine, his irises were an extreme neon blue, while his hair was darker than night, his nose more flat and closer to his face, and his teeth lacked canines. As our eyes locked I couldn't help but stare blankly, his face contorted to fear and then terror as I grinned wide. I could feel my lips parting, my pearly whites were shown off and the ponies visibly recoiled when they saw my teeth. Then he closed his eyes and hid his face in the fairly stubby arms of his. My smile disappeared and I asked them, “What’s wrong?”
The one that hid behind her hair whispered something. “Could you repeat that?”

“You have fangs…” I was confused until she continued, “which means you eat meat.” I stared at them for a moment and started lughing.

“So? You think I'll eat you?” The tannish one opened her mouth but I cut her off. “That is the stupidest thing I've heard in my life!”

The tan one opened her mouth, “Well a good time to apologize is also a good time to introduce our selves. My name is Applejack.”

Her hand jutted out in a fist bump while my hand enveloped hers for a handshake. The feeling of social cringe enveloped me as I let go and kept a straight face but inside I died. “Uh my name is Alexander Kovalyov.” The white one introduced me as Rarity, the purple one as Twilight, the yellow one as Fluttershy, the blue one as The Mare That’ll Kick Your Flank of I step out of line, and the human as Müller. After the little incident my life went better, I drank more and Rarity thanked me for helping her sister. Soon after Pinkie gave me a pepper that appeared to be a habanero pepper but neon blue. The environmental tester said that it was safe for consumption and that it shared DNA with habanero peppers of earth. I took a bite and was delighted by it, she looked surprised and worried. I said goodnight and started to go back to the ship for a day’s worth of sleep.

*Dream Alexander*

I was in space hovering watching civilizations die and grow while Earth was next to it. Some were insectoid some were lizards but they died while we prospered. A piano rang out that begged me to search while a voice manifested out, “The truth is out there.”

Bike Ride

I sat in a fairly comfortable wood chair as Twilight drones on and on. I glance down at the recording PDA who ever goes through the data will probably kill me. I zone back in enough to hear that the sun orbits their planet. I sputter out, “That’s impossible! For that to happen a planet would need more mass than the star, and the planet would just be a star due to its size and mass!” She opened her eyes and looked at me like I was insane. She opened her mouth to continue but I stopped her, “Now it's my turn for questions. 1. Why do you speak my language? 2. Why are there three races of your species? 3. Why are there multiple species? And 4. Why is your technology stagnant?”

She looked at me again thinking for a moment, “To start on your first inquiry it has been a wonder myself that you, an alien, can speak Equish for now we have no idea. The we’re a subspecies not a new species. For your third there's always been many species like minotaurs, zebras, changelings, humans, griffons, and ponies. Are you saying that you're the only species on your planet,” I shook my head yes and saw her happiness fall before being built back, “for your last question we’re aren't stagnant! We constantly move forward, the most recent invention was a computer.”

“Which was invented when?” I was hoping for a good answer.

“Ten years ago, but I have the top of a line one with a two gigabyte memory.” I saw smugness on her face.

“Two gigabytes? As in two thousand megabytes?” She shook her head yes I pointed at the PDA, “That has a 526,000,000 terabyte memory.” She blankly stared at me, I stared back. Her legs wobbled and she fell. I stood ended my recording and walked out not going to be responsible for someone’s death. When I stepped out of the brain hurting living tree the ponies stared at me. I ignored them and at least they were a bit more comfortable around me. The town was lovely, clean kinda quiet and somewhat safe.

I felt the hairs on my neck raise, I knew who was following me. I start walking faster, I was nearly about to run when my legs hit something short and pointy. I looked down and saw the young Sweetie Belle. She looks up and her grin grows wider, her friends however shrink.

“Hi! Girls it's the alien guy!” They stood there and stared at me. They had packs on their backs so probably got out of school. I squat down to get on their eye level, and then the one with a red bow spoke up.

“My names Applebloom, the orange filly shakin in er hooves is Scootaloo.” Said ,with a southern accent, child squinted with anger at her friend.

The young human child walked up and said “My name is Jame.” His voice was a mix between southern and northern.

Though I knew the answer already I asked, “So where you guys running off to?”

“We’re going tah my family's farm tah do impossible math!” Shouted the one known as Applebloom.

“I can help, I have a degree in math.” I saw their grin widen and they feebly grab onto my pant’s legs and attempted to drag me. “How about I just walk.” As we walked out of town toward another forest, it dawned on me I was going to face my oldest enemy Mental Abomination to Humanity.

It took us five minutes to reach a sign labeled: Sweet Apple Acres. I looked around and saw hundreds of Apple trees, I heard thwacks and thumps somewhere to the west but they ignored it so I probably should as well. I saw a lovely home and a stereotypical red barn, we approached it. Now on the porch Applebloom opened the door and we all went it.

“So where should we do this math at, the table?”

“Ha! You’re funny, tables are for eating not working!” I opened my mouth to respond but decided to not bother. The children sat down in front of a couch and so did I. “Ok, let me see what's the problem?” Four papers slid my way and I saw that it was one of the most basic math problems PEMDAS. “Oh this is easy, i’ll show you how to do it once then you do it. Alright?” I looked up from the paper and saw their heads flying back and forth with literal ear to ear grins. Before starting I wrote the acronym out. “Ok on number one it's 2(4)+8-6=? First you start with the 2(4) and multiply it. Then add the 8 to the other 8 and the subtract the 6.” Their eyes widened as they realized how easy it was.

It started playing a game of Space Chess(patent pending), I was about to checkmate the king when I felt a tug on my pants. I looked up and saw that they were watching me. “Done already?” A chorus of mhms hit my ears as I stand to pop my bag. “So now what?”

They huddled quickly before speaking to me. “We was hoping you could give us a ride on the wheelie thingy mabob you has.”

“Sure, I can do that.” Their grins grew wider than their face which kinda scared me. But there was a single problem I left it cross town, well feet don't fail me now!

After going on a long and very boring walk we reach my bike. The bike is still standing in the small field. The blue shine in the sun like well blue. They surround it touching everything, “Alright, who’s going first?” They look at each other and all raise their hands at the same time. They started a petty argument of who would go first. Well I guess now is a good time to finish my game of Space Chess(patent pending).

“Ok we’ve decided!” I glance up from my third game, Applebloom was standing in front of me. “Scootaloo first, then me, then Jame, and lastly Sweetie Belle.”

“Or you can all sit in the basket.” Her grin faltered slightly as her master plan was foiled. I grabbed the children and set them all in the basket. I sat on the seat and was ready to set off. They sat and had their tongues out as the wind wafted over their faces.

“This is awesome!” Shouted Scootaloo, I don't see how we were only going five miles an hour. I could see cobblestone roads now, and a very crowded road. I swerved left to bypass but sadly a lone pebble stopped my planes of survival. The front tire stopped and the back one went airborne. The children hit the ground with the bike while I went flying.

My body hit the earth with a dull meaty thud, I heard groans of pain and the sniffling of sadness. My heart pounded like a jackhammer, my head lifted to see the humanoid boy Jame holding his scraped knee. I stand up to dust myself off when I feel something a tad weird, only my thumb and my pointer finger touched my chest on my right hand. I raise it slowly in fear of what it might be, thankfully it's not that bad only three broken fingers bent at a 90 degree angle. I waddle over to the children and help them up. The first to notice my predicament was Sweetie Belle.

“Um...your fingers.” I look back to my hand before replying.

“They’re fine.” She made a good impression of a very pale fish before saying goodbye and running away with puffy cheeks. The others soon followed suit, well I guess it's time to hit the dusty trail.

*Back at the ship*

I'm sitting in the medbay Woodie the dog sat at my feet biting on a synthetic bone. I was not ready for what was going to happen. My left hand gently holding the broken fingers and quickly sent them back to their original place.

*Canterlot Castle*

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia stood in a balcony facing the sun, the sun was now setting the moon rising next to it. When a shrill, girlish shriek that shattered many windows was heard causing Celestia to turn the sun green. While Luna turned the moon purple.

“What was that dear sister?!”

“I..don't know Lu Lu, and I don't want to know.”

What We Don't See

The great ball of fire rose, I the Prince of the Saor Foraoise lord of those but now I'm Woodie the humble man beast’s companion. I had gone on a quest for enlightenment but had discovered horrors inflicted by my kind, in my horror filled state I ran from my kingdom. For days I wandered until I found the man beast. He saved me by feeding me, he patted my head and scratched my ears. I am in debt to him, I'd gladly give my life to save his for I am his servant now. But that didn't matter at the moment I was chewing on this white thing that came from the food hole. I watched him walk out of the shiny home that I resided in. With white stick in mouth I walked out hitting red button with my tail to shut the door.

I lied on the ground and chewed on the white stick with my paw on the white stick to keep it still when I heard rustling of bushes. I rose, my hackles rose and my testy bared and started growling. When I saw an old flame of mine. “Azul? Wha...what are you doing here?”

“I'm looking for you, you idiot.” She always had a way with words.

“But you’re supposed to be in the kingdom!” Her eyes narrowed before speaking.

“So are you.”

“But this is different!”

“Listen I don't care what is different! You have to come back, your brother is a terrible ruler! He has ordered any outsider to enter the Foraoise to be killed!” I was shocked, while my brother is a bit mentally different I didn't think he’d do something like that.

“Yes well with his leadership then a coup will be held soon and all the leaders will be executed. So will you, stay with me! We have food for ages and we can start a family!” Her face looked down sadly, my heart dropping my hope lost. But he head rose and I saw her smile. I smiled back at her.

“Come Azul! I'll show you how to get the white stick and food!” My tail now wagging as she walked beside me, I stood on my hind legs and pressed a button and the door slid open. Azul let out a loud yelp of surprise as I laughed at her foolishness. She was now standing right beside me, I could feel her warmth and she could feel mine. A happy feeling entered my heart. Now in the large room of the food hole I jumped on the table and put my wooden nose of the tab that said whatever grilled chicken was. A buzz was heard and out it came, biting it gently I drop it for her as she ravishly bites into it. Now pressing the tab with the white stick it soon came out. I jump down with the stick in muzzle and drop it. Sitting now I nuzzle my love’s neck as she eats. Her tail wags faster as I continue to nuzzle. As she finishes I drag her outside as she chewed the white stick, we lie together enjoying each other's company. My head lies on her neck, pure bliss.

“So my sweet, what other reason did you come looking for me?” I was curious, and I heard her whisper something to me. “What was that? I didn't hear you.”

“You're brother wanted me to be his mate.”

“Oh.” I felt anger and hatred brew inside I wanted revenge, but it can wait I have a white stick to chew on. We soon laid the sticks down tired of chewing I heard Azul speak.

“Play with me, like when we were young.” I knew what she meant as I lowered my body ready to pounce. She suddenly charged passed me and I took off after her.

*End of the day*

We are more of this mystical “grilled chicken” as the man beast came home. He had his paw held in his other paw. Azul growled at him until I nuzzled her.

“Stay here my sweet I'll go talk to man beast.” I walked in following his scent mixed with pony scent. I found him in the red t room. He bent the long claws from their position to upright. With a loud scream that made my skin crawl I ran out to my love. I panted hard as I stopped, “He said it was ok for you to stay.” I smiled widely as I pushed Azul into our new home.

Author's Note

A short chapter that I wanted to write to expand on Woodie the dog's life.

Political Talks

My hand hurt like a bitch, the splints on my fingers made preparing the hypodermic needle nearly impossible. But I got it semi ready, sticking the needle into the vial of morphine I'm ready for another dose of pain free sleep. Finding a vein the needle pierced my skin with a pinch and pain. As I pushed the plunger I felt the fast acting drug that took me away to that special place. Taking the needle out a warmth spread throughout my body, I lay on my bed crawling under the blankets while Woodie, and the other dog I've yet to name jumped up walked in a circle and plopped down. My eyes close and I sleeped.

The world is a hard place when you’re a pink elephant on the run from the warden of a dimension filled with tiny flower sized dogs. I ran and demolished the city with my thunderous rampage. I saw a tiny sword fly to my face and all was black.

I awoke in my campsite, my back aches from the plate armor. The bonfire with bones in it was blazing. My sword rested by my side the broken spear shaft hung loosely on my pack. I rose from my resting furs and gripped the old sword. I walked to the path, I was hired to clear the roads ahead of bandits. As I marched on the dirt road I saw the wooden fort. If only I saw the archer in the tree, the twang of his bow was heard through the forest. The iron barbed arrow struck a weak point in my armor hitting my knee. I fell to the hard ground bleeding now, I felt the blood rush and fall to the dirt. I looked up at the sky and smiled for I shall fear no death for he walks with me. Praise be he! PRAISE SOLAT!

It was a rainy depressing day, the anniversary of my wife’s death. Susan was in a car crash on her way to tell me that she was pregnant. I was at her grave, the black umbrella blocking the rain from hitting me but that wouldn't matter soon. I reached into my overcoat and pulled out a simple flintlock handgun. Stepping off of her grave I step on her mother's before doing a little happy jig as I pulled the trigger cause her mom can suck a fat cock.

The city was green, and full of life. Equus humans, and Democratic Oligarchy of Sol Three humansmingled and talked on the recently colonized planet. With a massive grin the son of the Equss Human ambassador had was cocky as he was going to get laid. He handed the taller women some credits and she led him to an alleyway. She laid him down on a soft mattress and stepped away with a wink. He eagerly waited until he saw a boot sailing to his face. In an hour he awoke with an excruciating headache. His pants and credits gone he sat up, man his dad was going to kick his ass when he got home. The sky turned white as the dreamer awoke, but a single blue alicorn remained extremely angry at how the dream kept morphing.

I woke up feeling happy and the pain forgot, I stood and was immediately hungry. I clutched my stomach to help ease the hunger and waddled to the mess room. I hit the chocolate cake option, a large cake fell out and with a ferocity of a beast I tear into it. I ignore all outside sounds until I feel satisfied with myself. As I finish the cake I guzzle three glasses of water and then I hear the pounding on my door. I slowly shuffle there and open it to see the six mares, sixteen white ponies in gold armor, two pegacorns, and the rising sun wearing sunglasses. I looked at the pegacorns and felt the rower and royalty that they radiated, immediately I felt underdressed in my red and white boxers, no shirt and chocolate covered face.

“Uh...can I get five minutes?” I yelled before shutting the door. In that short time frame I shampooed, soaped, showered, shaved and managed to put on some clothes. I now stepped out in my old torn jeans, extremely old shoes, a newish green shirt and a classic leather belt. The sun was still shining in its sunglasses, I was nervous. Granted anyone would be if they were about to meet royalty. Twilight lead me to a small card table where the two rulers sat. The white one’s face never changing but the black one I could tell didn't like me. I sat down on the wobbly chair and waited.

“Good morning Mr. Kovalyov, how are you?”

“Uh yeah, what about you two?”

“It has been a wonderful morning. Thank you for asking, but where my manors?! I am Princess Celestia. And this is,” her hand pointed to the shorter bluer one. And she mumbled something that I couldn't hear. Her face contorted to anger as Celestia whispered in her ear.

The blue one spoke up with hate in her eyes and voice, “I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria! Vanquisher of nightmares! Destroyer of mind mages like you!” Her horn started to glow blue as I grinned out of fear.

“Uh….I’m Alexander Kovalyov. Uh geologist.” The horn glowed brighter until Celestia put her hand on her arm to calm her down.

“Now now LuLu no need to resort to violence so early into the game.” Luna glared at me harder before letting her horn glow disapatte. “Mr. Kovalyov there is some formalities to our vist. Simple bits of paperwork and medical records of course. I'm sure you understand.” I nodded my head and she slid over a kinda small stack of forms. On the top was the medical papers.

“I'll be back in a moment, I need to grab my information so I can just copy it and try not to recall the information.” Celestia just nodded as I ran back into the ship. As I ran in Woodie jumped off the bed and followed me, the other dog who I noticed had blue eyes instead of the green that Woodie had. I guess I'll call her blue unless I find a better name. I walked to the charger port of my PDA and the handgun next to it for just in case. Slipping the barrel in my waist line, I grabbed the handle to my junk drawer and started going through it. Finding a pen I uncapped it and scribbled on a loose paper and after a few strokes ink came out.

Now as I run out I see Woodie at the door to go do the morning walk. I stop in front of the button and press it for him, he trots out and around the ship ignoring the guards and going to do whatever it was that he does on those walks. I walk back to the table and turn on the PDA, I heard Twilight squeal in delight and started her scratching. With a sigh I sit back down and find the medical folder, soon finding my own file I open it and quickly start putting my information on the medical sheet. After a minute I turn the PDA off and move the medical sheets off the top to see a sort of contract. I quickly find where I need to sign and put my name but I was taught to read before I sign so read I did. I soon found a problem though it said and quote; “If ________ were to attack ponies or any other creature they can and will be banished to the sun.” And another like so; “If ________ desires to hurt ponies they will be sentenced to twenty years of prison.” I flipped through the papers harder now looking for something else, until I found the most amazing thing ever. “________ will renounce his allegiances with other countries and join Equestria.”

“Yeah I'm not signing any of these papers.”

“But why?”

“To start it says I can't defend myself or I'll go to prison for years, and become a traitor to my home country which is punishable by hanging!”

“Ah good, you can read.” She said with a slight sound of anger. “But we can work around this,” she now slid another shorter paper over. I read it over ten times to find fine print, or something equally worse but found nothing. Yet it said that I would be the temporary Advisor to Exoterestrial Formalities and a diplomat to Equestria from my home planet. This one I did sign, as I scratched out the chicken scratch of my signature I heard Woodie walk behind me. I turned to see him with a rope in his mouth, he trotted to me and rested his head on my leg with pleading eyes. I knew what he wanted and I complied, I took the rope got on my knees and started to pull with my good hand. He growled and legs kicked back and I tugged harder. I started to growl now and mumbled to myself, “This is my rope you little cunt!”

“Now Mr. Kovalyov…”

“Please just call me Alexander.”

“Ok, Alexander we formally invite you to attend the monthly Diplomatic Meeting of Sentient Races.”

“The word you meant to use was sapient, all animals can feel just not all of them can understand those feelings.”

“Uhh….then we bid you adieu.” They walked away as I still growled at Woodie, he still growled at me. How did my life evolve into this? Stranded on an alien world and playing tug of war with a wooden dog. However it happened this is cool as fuck. but if I was to attend this meeting I’d need someone to watch the wood dogs. Twilight is a no, rainbow haired Pegasus is a definite no, no, Fluttershy no, Pinkie God no! Rarity is with Pinkie but Applejack had a farm and could work so probably yes.

Animal Pals

It had been an hour since man beast has left me and Azul at a red fruit forest. The hat pony was kicking the trees while I lied on the floor with Azul’s head resting in my neck. I saw a tiny furred dog walk to us with a single question.

“Play?”

“No, we don't want to play.”

“But it'll get your mind off of your master’s absence.”

“*Sigh* Fine, I'll play.” The dog’s tail wagged furiously as it beckoned us to follow her to the red home. As we entered we saw tall red pony trying to fix circle, Tiny Dog jumped on his legs and spoke.

“Hi!” The red hand came down for a quick ear scratch and quickly went back up. Tiny Dog simple walked to a pile of loose ropes and pulled one out. “This is my favorite play game! First you bite rope and then I bite rope and then we pull, ok?” My mouth already holding the rope. Tiny Dog gripped the rope and started to pull, my legs locked and then I pulled. My head shook side to side fast in an attempt to get Tiny Dog to let go. After a minute of head shaking Tiny Dog let go and fell to the ground in a daze. She giggled and then laughed which caused me and Azul to start to laugh.

“Azul! My sweet its your turn!”

“Of course my dear,” she took my place and Tiny Dog started to throttle the rope. I looked at my love and she even looked beautiful while being fuzzy looking. Suddenly she let go of the rope and Tiny Dog fell to her haunches.

“That was fun but look at the time! It's time to see my bestestest friends! You can come too so you won't be sad!” With that Tiny Dog ran off with me and Azul trailing right behind her.

In moments we had reached pony town, the ponies and humans parted and ran as we followed Tiny Dog. Soon reaching a tiny fluffy angry cat. It turned to look at our approach with hatred. “Hi Fluffy! I brought some new friends! This,” pointing her paw at me,” is Woodie! And that is his mate Azul! Say hi to them!”

“No.”

“Why not?!”

“It's Monday, I loathe Mondays!”

“But you hate everyday!”

“Well I hate Mondays more.”

“Oh, ok! So where's Hops and Turt Russell?”

“I don't know I'm not their babysitter!”

“Ok. Should we go to Hop’s house and look for him?”

“Eh sure why not, I was getting extremely bored.” With that Fluffy started to walk in another direction. I looked at Azul and she simply shrugged before following the angry cat known as Fluffy.

“W..wait for me!”

It took us an hour to reach the small cottage bordering my old kingdom. I sat as Fluffy and Tiny Dog walked to the door, I stared at it. What used to be comforting felt malicious now. The wind shifted to me and I smelt it. The thing I didn't want to see or smell, my brother.

“Come out brother I can smell you,” I heard bushes shake and the smell intensified.

“Good to see you again traitor.” I could feel his glare harden. “Now, before you start talking let me warn you, if you set foot into my kingdom or think of it you’ll regret it. You wanna know what I'll do?” I shook my head no, “Well too bad! Before I kill you I'll make you watch while I rape that bitch of yours. But I'll keep her alive to produce my offspring and be my personal slave. Then I'll kill you.” Her looked at the sun for a moment before continuing, “Sorry to cut our dear conversation short brother but I'll be off.” With that he turned and walked back into the forest I once loved in. My back shivered as I gazed back at Azul, I felt anger rise in me. If he dare go near my sweet Azul I'll make him eat his own flowers!

I was stewing in my own anger when Tiny Dog approached. “Stop being sad about Hops! We can find Turt Russell!” They walked on but I sat in the dirt thinking about what if I failed her.

“Why are you sad dear prince?”

“I was wondering about what if can't protect you?”

“Don't think like that my sweet, it'll just hurt your head.” She licked my cheek before walking in a circle and sitting next to me.

“Ooo you all tired already?!” Tiny Dog yelled while running to us, I looked at her and rested my head on Azule’s head.

“I guess this is a good spot for a nap, come on and join the pile Fluffy!”

“*loud annoying sigh* Fine, but I won't enjoy it.” The four animals piled up and looked at the sky basking in the warm sun and wispy clouds. I still felt uneasy but was comforted by my love and two new friends.

Author's Note

A short little chapter to maybe warm a heart with a cool island song.

Dinner

The train ride was extremely boring, the walk to the castle was extremely boring, the talk to the cook about my dietary requirements was boring and being shown to my room was not extremely but extraordinarily boring. The bed was soft, warm and made me tired. Sadly before I could pass into the sweet abyss a knock on the door and a voice yelled, “The Diplomatic Diner begins in five moments sir.” You know, I never understood why every other word in the English language is the same but minutes is called moments I probably never will understand it. Anyway I stood and got dressed in the nicest clothes which was a deep red shirt, faded blue jeans and black tennis shoes.

I stepped out the door and spoke, “Please lead the way Sergeant Bitterroot.” With a node of his head we were off. The halls were the same marble as everything else, the windows at different intervals which pissed me off greatly. But that was the only problem until I got to the dining room. As I entered I saw around a couple of different species, zebras, minotaurs, griffons, deer, human, and a black pony like thing. Also a pink pegacorn was there along with a white unicorn.

As I looked at them the griffon female met my eyes, like with everyone else on this damn planet I have to stare at them when I meet them. I stared and she stared, how did I know she was a she? Simple, tits but why did a bird need tits? Well the lower part is a lion so maybe that's why but then again I have no fucking clue.

The meeting room was a bore, I yearned for something exciting. The prey were boring and didn't want to talk to an apex predator like me. But without socializing I feel that is go insane. The heavy wood door opened and entered a very tall human, but something was different about it physically and something about it that you can't put off. It gazed around the room until it saw me. Our eyes locked and I saw what was different about him. His eyes spoke the cold calculated ones of another apex predator. I stared back, it's facial expression never changed so I started to glare. Still nothing changed until it leaned forward in an attempt to put me in a state of fear. Well ha two can play this game!

I leaned forward now, this time it's facial expression changed to show a row of sharp teeth overlapping another possibly sharper row of teeth. In a vain attempt I made the muscles in my beak go upwards to appear more threatening. This caused a greater reaction than me leaning forward, it laughed a deep laugh. It pounded the table with a clinched hand, laughing harder. Soon it hit the floor no longer laughing but it kept its mouth open for all to see the white sharp gangs it possessed chest rising and shakily falling like it was still laughing. The Changling Queen looking on in interest, the human King and deer princess fainted in fear, the minotaur warrior king looked on interested, while the Crystal Empire rulers shrank back behind the mighty Equestrian rulers.

“Thanks for the laugh, I needed something actually entertaining for once. I grabbed the corner of the table and pulled itself up. Curiously the pseudo human had tears in its eyes. Wiping them before he sat down he spoke jutted its meaty hand out to my body hand outstretched a traditional Griffonian greeting. I took it delicately and he shook it up before he said his name. “My name is Alexander Kovalyov and you are?”

“Christi, ambassador of Griffonia!” I scream with all my might. The others cover their ears but he just smiled.

“A pleasure to meet you,” with a final down motion we let go and sat in the seats next to each other. He looked at the agenda and smiled, I looked at my own agenda and saw that extraterrestrial matters were up first.

“Alright everyspecies, settle down we have much to discuss.” Any that weren't sitting already sat. “The first thing on the menu is to meet our exterestrial sitting over there.” His hand came from the table up and he waved at their dumbstruck faces. “If you would introduce yourself.” Sadly that didn't go to plan as the Minotaurian King spoke out of line.

“If you come for war we surrender, if you come for peace then surrender or be destroyed!”

My brain was extremely confused, “Uhh I didn't come here willingly but anyway my name is Alexander Kovalyov I come from the Diplomatic Oligarchy of Sol Three. I was tasked with exploring the Galaxy even though we believed that we were the only intelligent life out there. But we had a new found hope that couldn't be destroyed and we marched on. I crashed here when an unexpected gravity spike hit my ship and caused me to crash and I've been documenting a lot.”

“Is there a way for your specie to pick you up?” Spoke the quiet deer princess.

“I tried that but I discovered a problem, my long range radio transmitter is busted, along with my engines, and I can't fix it. But the short wave radio transmitter is fine but will only reach four other solar systems before dissipating. But since the people of this world have magic I was hoping for assistance, if I can get to your planet’s moon I could set up the short wave and with magic amplify the signal to contact my people and they can help everyone.”

“By help everyone what do you mean?”

“Trade. Knowledge for knowledge, quality of life, and hopefully build a lasting friendship.”

The human King this time spoke up, “What do you mean by knowledge?”

“Simple, space travel.” With those words started an uproar. The guards were on edge while the alien human was holding his hands up, “Please calm down! I can describe it in detail later with all your scientists! Just wait until the meeting is over!”

I was breathing heavy, trying to calm down from the uproar I caused with saying space travel. With me calmed down I saw servants come in with trays of food. Most of it salads, one pink crystal, and two slabs of meat. The two big differences were mine was cooked and the size of my hand(with a side of chopped mushrooms) while Christi’s was the size of my head and bloody raw. I gag as she grabs it and tears into it, I simply grab a set of silverware. The simple knife enters the meat and the fork holds it in place, cutting a piece off I eat enjoy the taste. I look up from my food and see the herbivores staring at me, but I don't dilly dally. The small steak like meat is gone and I start on the small side of mushrooms. The food was pretty damn good but the small talk was incredibly dull, I hope Blue and Woodie are doing alright.

Rest of the Day in Pony City

Food was flung across the table as something about a changeling invasion was brought up. I hunkered down under the table with my plate of unfinished mushrooms, glass was shattering the human King guy was passed out on top on the deer princess lady. I heard doors fly open and hooves hit the floor as the fight settle down, I poked my head up and saw bowls of ice cream. Everyone ate it, when I say everyone I mean everyone including the guards. As I shimmied my way back to the chair I was in and continued to eat, a furred hand stuck out and grabbed my still unfinished plate. I growled until the hand moved away, “Come back in a moment.” With a nod the servant disappeared. I look at the other people and realize that I am probably the only sane being on this entire fucking planet. With the mushrooms gone I slid the plate to the edge and it was whisked away and in its place was a bowl of pure vanilla ice cream. I wasn't hungry so I slid it over to Christi. Her eyes lit up and then she shoveled the ice cream to her bowl before devouring it.

“Thanks Alexander!”

“No problem,” I leaned back and closed my eyes. Soon I was asleep dreaming a million lives, simultaneously being everything and nothing.

I noticed Alexander closing his eyes to take a nap. He looked nice, a small smile on his face and he was extremely nice to give me his share of ice cream. But Princess Luna apparently didn't like this all that much.

“The Dream Beast is going to destroy us!”

“Now LuLu I keep telling you he has no magic!”

“But see his dreams, they have no purpose no order just randomness! I'll have you see what I see!” Her horn lit a nightly blue and it encompassed Alexander's head. A projection beamed out and showed a sky with a tiny Alexander falling. He rushed past cloud after cloud, before he could hit the green earth a Pastry Cat with a rainbow trail caught him. Then the perspective switched to black and white image of a tree, then the ever so lovely sun exploding and a planet imploding. He groaned and rolled out of his chair hitting the floor, a sudden gasp he sat up holding his chest.

“Did I miss something?” A chorus of rulers saying no met his ears.

The rest of the meeting was extraordinarily boring, but my day was just getting started. As I left I watched five ponies, three humans, two minotaurs, six deer, one griffon, and another of those changelings all of them in white lab coats.

“Alien man speak us your secrets!” Screamed the human that was up to my chest.

“Yes tell us your secrets spaceman!”

“I will but first take me to your laboratory,” with a mighty yell the nerds grabbed me lifted me over their heads and charged down the hallway. We ran for around thirty seconds all but the minotaurs were out of breath. The doors were opened and I was thrown in, the scientists all crowded around me as I gave them a disclaimer. “I'm not an expert on not an expert on this thing but I know a few things that can get you off the ground.” I looked behind me and found a chalkboard, and drew a circle. “Ok this is the most basic and one of our first designs some four hundred years ago, it's a electrum ball. It's extremely rudimentary in the design, about one thousand seven hundred watts of electricity is generated from the solar panels,” now I drew an angled ship around the ball with solar panels on the top, “the electricity transfers to the turbine in the engine which as it turns the electricity is amplified which causes a spark to burn kerosene which in the control room you can slow or speed up the rate of the kerosene is flowing. Any questions?” The geeks started to write furiously, before one of them raised her hand.

“How long would building this take?”

“Guessing by your tech levels I'd say around eight months to a year.”

Another one, this time a minotaur, raised his hand. “What is electrum?”

“Electrum is a natural alloy of silver, gold, and copper but is commonly called white gold.” The realization dawned on them with a chorus of ohs rang out. With all of them having a nerdgasam I walked out to explore.

It had been an hour since I had seen Alexander, I wanted to thank him for treating me like I was normal. You see, the ponies while saying that they can tolerate any and all species in s half truth. They can tolerate the prey species but not the few predators. Any time I was in pony lands studying their culture to become an ambassador I was treated differently just because I could eat meat regularly, but when I met Alexander he treated me like I wasn't some predator. As I walked down the marble halls I found him wandering the castle, oooing and aweing at every little thing. It was cute, his facial expression was that of a newborn kit first exploring the outside world. As I approached He stopped and waved before speaking.

“Hello Christi!”

“Good day Alexander,” I waved back and his arm dropped. “I was hoping I would find you, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?”

“Sure, I was hoping to explore the city before going back to my ship is that fine with you?” My facial muscles raised to show I appreciated his kindness and I nodded. “Alright let's get lost while trying to find the exit!”

In an hour full of anger, betrayal, crying they finally found the exit which was hidden behind some indoor bushes. On the streets we were stared at, granted if you were next to a giant you’d probably get stared at as well. But that's not the point, but what was the point to start with? Anyway Alexander was lazily gazing around at the shop pictures when he suddenly grabbed my right claw.

“Stop, pet store!” I looked at him like he was stupid before I was drug along with him.

“Stop pulling me!I'll go willingly!”

His face turned a darker pinkish before starting to scratch his neck, “Heh. Sorry.” He quickly turned around and walked in. As I entered I saw him with his face pressed against a Kissing Fish’s tank. The pink heart shaped fish put its lips on the other’s. A soft “aww” came from Alexander’s direction until the fish on the left ate the other. The sole survivor turned to glare at him, as he backed away slowly. He slowly went to the dog aisle.

My eyes scanned the the dog treats, beds, and toys. I found a green tennis like ball and gave it a bounce. Sadly it bounced harder than it was dropped and was soon out of sight. I heard glass shattering was heard from the other of the store and walked in the opposite direction. I soon found Christi and we left the store in a hurry and back into the hustle and bustle of pony city. I hope I don't break anything else in another store I'd like to go home with some of the coins, that I “borrowed”, tomorrow.

Author's Note

Sorry for the late post, fell asleep playing Skyrim.

Dun Dun

The forest was quiet, the goodies that I bought was sitting inside still in the bag. The metallic drone swung on the pilot system I had attached to a surviving tree. The wrench I had made clicks as I turned it right, for some reason it didn't work and from what I could tell it should've worked but it didn't.

“Whatcha dooin?” The sudden voice of Applebloom scared me causing my forehead to slam the machine. As I lowered my face and my hands replaced the metal. I groaned in pain as I rolled from under it. When I removed my hands I saw the children, “You ok Alexander?”

“Just peachy.”

“Ok! So what're you doing?”

“Trying to fix this so I can try and call my species.”

Their faces lit up before Sweetie asked, “Can we help?”

“Eh, I don't…” I saw their faces changed to a large frown, their eyes managed to get larger and teary. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. I can't let them walk all over me but my heart is being crushed. Then they started to sniffle, “Alright! Fine you can help!” They faces changed before they yelled out.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ALIEN MECHANICS! YAY!” My ears rang loudly as I could see their mouths move but I couldn't hear what they were saying. The ringing dulled enough so I could hear muffled voices.

“OK I’M GOING TO GET BACK TO WORK, JUST GIVE ME THE TOOL WHEN I SAY.” Their hands covered their ears as they got a taste of some of their medicine. I crawled back under the machine and I could finally hear, but with that I heard a feather scratching paper which meant one thing was near by. “Hi Twilight, come here to make me your suspect of study again?” She said nothing so I assumed that meant yes, “I need a 12.7 mm socket wrench bit.” Metal hitting metal met my ears and I felt the cold ball head of a ball peen hammer. “This is a hammer not a wrench bit.” More metallic clanging and a small metal circle was in my hand. “Thank you,” I switched the original bit off for the now larger on and undid the nut holding the oil back. The cold liquid hit my face, the pale yellow color. Well I guess I found out why it was no longer working, soon the tank emptied and I was covered in grime. Quickly put the nut back on I roll out from under the drone, I stand and pop my back. With a sigh I grab the canister of oil, drag it over over to the drone. Setting the oil down with a slush of liquid I find the small crack in the metal and lift it open to reveal the complex engine. Grabbing the cap I open the tank and let the engine juice loose.

With that done I grab my PDA and press the start button. I waited, and waited and then nothing happened. I felt my left eye twitch and my foot left.

“Is everything alright?” I heard Scootaloo ask but I ignored her as I started kicked the damnable machine.

“WHY AREN’T YOU WORKING YOU PIECE OF SPACE GARBAGE!” My kicks proved super effective as a hum of pistons working sounded. I grabbed a rag and wiped my hands, “Ah percussion mechanics never fail kids, never forget that.” Twilight stopped scribbling and looked at me and opened her mouth, “Twilight I know your question and yes you can study it, but I need you to enchant it.”

“Whatever it is I can do it!”

“Can you amplify the signal it’s supposed to send?” With a grin she nodded. “Yes before I forget, kids can you cover your ears?” They nodded their head and complied, “You break it I'll make sure they can't find your body, ok?” Her face paled and nodded her head.

I needed a nap after all that, as I sat on my bed woody and blue jumped up sat with me. The small bag from the store called Peculiar Items lit up and a fwoosh came out. With a loud groan I rolled of the bed and crawled to the bag using small doses of energy. Reaching in my fingers feel warm paper and a warm stone. Quickly emptying the bag I found the Letter Stone. It was a curious sort of stone similar to the Internet but could send letters and it was also powered by magic. So many things were similar yet different and it bugged me a lot. I started to read the letter, and it said.

Dear Alexander Kovalyov,
You’ve been summoned to the Royal Palace of Griffonia. In closed of the package is the, “Complete Guide to Griffon Culture” along with dress store. Please read and prepare to meet the High King and the lower Jarls and their Hold’s Thane with Housecarls. Please send a reply to acknowledge that you received the letter and plan to attend the Grand Ball for the High King’s daughter’s wedding. You will bring a gift and you may bring a plus one which can bring a plus one.

High Ambassador Christi of the Flyvningen.

After reading the letter I scratch out my reply and have the paper touch the stone. Both the stone and paper glowed, and disappeared but in its place was a small brown package. Untying the strings holding it together I saw a deep blue belted tunic, and rich brown pants. But I had a problem who would I invite? I looked at Woodie and Blue, and I knew I the answer. But where would I find dog clothes? I cross that bridge in a week.

It had been a week since I had gotten the letter, life had been uneventful Twilight enchanted the drone’s signal I found some doll clothes that I had Rarity alter to fit Woodie and Blue. I relaxed on the train reading an electronic book while the dogs slept, all was good. It would be a day before we got to the capital. I turned off the book and rested my eyes, feeling the dogs jump up and lay on me I felt a peace enter my soul.

We follow a recorded voice and coordinates fifty eight solar systems away as it reaches a Russian Exploratory Corps. The large shark like vessel cruised at a slow 10,000 knots, the Head Communications Officer awoke with a groan and tried to wipe hangover from his eyes in a vain attempt to keep the loud beeping out. A hand hit thebutton and a voice speaking English came on. With a sigh he hit the PA button and asked for Ivan Kovalyov one of the few people could could speak English well. In a minute he arrived and he translated.

“It's a distress beacon, from an Alexander Kovalyov. His coordinates point us fifty eight solar systems Space Starboard. Come we must talk to the Captain!” But the Head Communications Officer had fallen back asleep. With a sigh Ivan walked out and ran to the Captain’s Deck. As he entered the Captain spoke calmly.

“Why do you interupt me Ivan?”

“We received a distress signal fifty eight solar systems Space Starboard from our position. It says that the planet he’s on has,” he took a step forward and whispered into his ear to not cause an uproar, “intelligent life on it!”

“HEAD NAVIGATOR! TURN US SPACE STARBOARD NOW AND TURN ON THE FTL DRIVES!”

“Aye sir!” Shouted the man sitting at the wheel.

“You’re dismissed Ivan, and before I forget you’ll be assigned to the Orbital Drop Team. Now you're dismissed soldier.”

With a quick salute Ivan sorinted down to his quarters to write in his leather bound journel. “Navigator how long will it take us to the coordinated provided by Ivan?”

“Two weeks sir!”

“Good, good. Senior Michman?”

“Aye sir?”

“Pick your finest men and prepare them for first contact, and make sure all other troops are ready for possible hostiles is that clear?”

“AYE AYE SIR!”

“Good, good.” With that more of humanity was soon to meet ponykind. But fifty solar systems Space Starboard was another ship not of the Diplomatic Oligarchy of Sol Three but of another alien nation.

The more disc like ship detected a strong signal. The Communication Officer in the command room spoke to the Minor Priestess.

“My lady Minwas, we intercepted a signal eight systems away. Shall I play it or ignore it?” The Minor Priestess closed her eyes and felt an epiphany come to her.

“Yes, play the signal.” A male voice in Galactic Common came through the air. She felt no magical presence but it was strong, it peeked her curiosity. “Communications Officer send a report back to the main ship and please have the Navigations ready the Magic Drives.” With a node the communications officer closed his eyes and they lit a bright blue, “When did he say we would arrive?”

“About two mek my lady.”

“Good, very good.”

Two interstellar species are about to meet. One is technologically advanced and without magic while the other knows nothing but magic. Will there be war? Even I the great narrator don't know the answer but I guess we'll soon find out.

Griffonia

Brakes squealed as we approached the train station Woodie and Blue had leashes on and I had my simple old clothes on. I grabbed my duffle bag and stood, but I felt something was off. Like my cousin was somewhere fairly close to me, but I can't see him so I'm good. As I walked through the train the dogs had to smell everything and everyone. As I pulled and dragged I was greeted by three griffons, two armed with black swords with silver lines going across the handle, while the third had a spear on its back. It was weird, they used ancient English terms but they wore lorica segmentata as I said before so many similarities.

“Are ye representative Alexander Kovalyov of the Democratic Oligarchy of Sol Three?” He looked up from the scroll and I nodded, “Is this all of your items?” With another nod he continued, “Please follow the two miles gregarious behind me. They will lead you to the palace and the room that you're in.” The two with swords turned and started toward the stone castle. I looked around as I followed them, the buildings were stone and wooden logs in the corners. Street lamps were every fifteen feet made of metal, it all looked gorgeous.

When I got to my room I sat the luggage down and Woodie, along with Blue, lied on the bed. I was about to join them when someone knocked on my door. I groaned as I opened the door and was greeted by Christi in a lovely purple dress with white ruffles around her neck.

“Hi Christi! It's good to see you again.”

“It is nice to see you too Alexander. Now please dress into the clothes I sent you so you can meet the High King.” I pushed her out of the room so I could change. Soon me and Christi were walking out of the living area of the castle, passing through s court yard to get to throne room. As I looked around I saw griffons and a few humans finish build an altar. Flowers of every color were everywhere blue on the windows, red on columns on the altar, yellow along the path the bride would take, and green near the chairs. Soon enough we were back in doors, blue torches lined the halls. Guards were posted at nearly every door, but soon we arrived at a large door with four guards. All had spears and they were at the ready. The two closest to the door opened it to reveal an aged griffon wearing a crown slouching on his wooden throne. A person that I couldn't tell what was standing to the right of the King in full black armor, silver swirls adorned the black armor and a large scimitar with a red handle rested in front of it. In front of them were two musicians, one was a human and the other was a griffon. Both played lutes but the human with a roundish face and a trimmed beard with messy hair sang about a long ass time ago in a province called Kickapoo until the king put his hand out in a signal to stop.

He spoke in a grandfatherly tone. “Ah Spaceman, we finally meet. I hope your time in my fair country has been pleasant?”

“It has your uhhh…..kinglyness?”

He chuckled before speaking, “That is good to hear Spaceman. Before the day's end I wish to talk with you in private will that be alright?”

“It is.”

“Good, good in the meantime enjoy the Day Before party.” A random soldier walked in and whispered to the old king’s ear. “Blast I must depart Spaceman trolls are harassing my borders. Sort Ebenholz bring me my armor and sword!”

The black armored thing sprinted off to another room. I felt I tug on the extremely short sleeve of the tunic and saw Christi pulling indicating we needed to go. With a sigh I followed her, a slight walk outside and the altar was finished and the food, for whatever this Day Before party was, was being set up. Opposite of the food, however, I spied a bar table being set up. My mind raced in wonder of what exotic liquors they had.

“So when is this party supposed to start?”

“Dusk.” Was the simple answer.

“What do we do in the meantime?”

“Uhh..hmm hangout?”

“Yeah that'll work but where?”

“The King has a zoo i…”

“Did you say zoo?”

“Yeah.”

“Let's go! But first I should check up on the dogs.” The short walk to my room was uneventful until I opened the door. As I opened the heavy oak door I expected to have Woodie jump on me but it didn't happen. I look around the dark room and see nothing until I see an opened vent. “Ah dammit.”

Me and Azul had decided to try and find the man beast. But the door wouldn't open, so we found the tiny hot door in the floor. As we waddled in I found out that the weird hall was made out of the shiny stuff our new home was made out of. Yet it was hot, my nose sniffed the weird shiny shiny and the tip of my nose dried up. My tongue went out in a vain attempt to rewet my nose. Sadly it was too short.

“Something touched me!” Screamed Azul as she started to thrash around, I scoffed at her panic until something touched me. Now both of us were screaming and jumping as the monster gripped our hind legs, as we screamed a loud creak was heard and the floor came crashing down.

I managed to catch Woodie and Azul but they panicked and put strain on the vent causing us to fall through. As I fell I somehow got under them and when we hit the ground I heard my back crack.

“Ah fuck, I can't feel my back!” My hands went to my lower back and I rolled to my stomach as I cried out in pain. I grabbed a metallic bedpost and pulled myself to stand. I looked around the room and noted I had six spears, ten balls of fire, ten swords, three maces, and two arrows aimed at my face. “I guess I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.” The spears lowered kinda until they noted my impressive size and realized I was the mythical Spaceman.

They fell to their knees in a begging manner. One of them spoke up, “Please Spaceman sir! Don't do what aliens do in those Dosanko* comics!” I had no idea what a Dosanko comic was but the griffons seemed horrified and more fearful.

“Uh, I won't if you let me go.” As those magical words were uttered I was thrown out along with Woodie and Blue. As I hit the hard ground again I had an inquiry. Would my life be this weird if I didn't crash here?

Author's Note

*: The Dosanko horse is native to Japan and we all know what the Japanese put in their comics.

Hint: It starts with tent and ends with acles.

Medication

As I limped down the hall I mumbled, “Fucking dip shit ass architects, can't properly support a goddamn vent. Ah fuck, is this what it feels like to be a hundred?” My anger lowered slightly as I saw Christi run to me.She enveloped me in a hug, but the bone crushing strength caused my pained back to well get more pain. “Ah! Let me go!” She dropped me and had a look of concern on her face.

“Are you alright Alexander?”

“No! I need drugs! Lots and lots of drugs!”

“I have lsd, crayon dust, ground angel feathers, and happy leaf what do you want?”

“Can you repeat the first one?” If I heard her right she said lsd which hurt my brain because they shouldn't be able to synthesize a drug like that.

“Uhhh I said skeeze.” My eyes narrowed as I attempted to get her to admit her attempt at lying. But no matter how much I glared and no matter how much she sweated out of fear I thought fuck it need pain meds.

“Whatever destroys my pain.”

Her face grew into a joyful expression as I was picked up bridal style but still in pain. I started blanking in and out of consciousness as we walked down a spiral stone staircase. One moment I was in a stone hall, in the other I was in sitting in a waiting room with a guy typing on an extremely ancient 1970’s computer. But 1970’s business place had to wait as I was dropped onto a soft bed. If I wasn't in pain I’d probably be happy to be on this bed. But every feather felt like it was my Brutus and I was its Julius. In my delirious state I yelled out, “ET TU BRUTE!”

Christi just stared at me from the portal hole to hell known as a kitchen until she went back in. “Si enim Deus est enim mihi placet!”

“What’re you speaking?”

“Ego loqui lingua Spiritus Sancti!”

“Uhhh I got the pain killers.”

My eyes upon hearing that statement I flew up and stole the weird alien maple leaf thing from her hand.

“What do I do with this maple leaf?”

“First you take off one of the points and put it under your tongue. Also don’t bogart it! I'm almost out.”

“All I hear is wah wah.” I laughed after my lovely comeback but I instantly regretted it. “Pain, you mysterious cunt you.” Without further delay I opened my mouth and popped in the narcotic. I look at the wall clock and see the almost magic time; 4:21. I wanted to say this was bullshit until I could see sideways through time. As I turned my head I could see an infinite number of mes and not mes. My hand raised and yellow spoke to me.

“Oi mate, I’ll pop you in the gob I swear on me mum!” I gazed to my left and saw young me kissing Stacy’s mom cause she had it going on. Then to my right and saw older me in armor shooting Woodie’s kin to usurp a throne from a cunt. Then I looked up and saw a good day for a white wedding, then down and saw Schrodinger’s dog sitting on a box. To my ninety degree right I saw two monsters fighting. One was a crustacean from the Proterozoic era and the other was a water lizard from the Mesozoic era they were fighting over tree fiddy. I look to my other ninety degree right angle to see Christi looking at me while pointing.

“I like you!” She shouted I wanted to say something but I suddenly forgot the English language and could only giggle. I gazed out the room window and could see the entire universe, Russian ships were converging to the right around 48 solar systems away while another type of ship. A more stereotypical round disc shape was coming from the left at around fifteen solar systems away. But that was replaced by the sun winking at me. I was now on a lone island in some kind of green sea. I saw a green lady holding a torch, I fell to my knees and screamed.

“YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MONSTERS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!” But I still don't think this drug kicked in yet. Now I’m lost in a cave and turn around in fear of Santa Claus I see an onion.

“Onions are like ogres, we have layers. Also it’s all onion now.” Then I wake up as a stump, I see an old man walk to me and starts to talk.

“Tree, you've been my best friend for many years. I played with you as a wee boy, I ate your food as an older wee boy, as an adult I cut you down to make my family a home, now as a old man I ask of one last thing before I pass from this world.*sigh* May I have your forgiveness?” I tried to respond but I remembered I was a stump and stumps are dead trees.

I am Woodie's great, great, great, great, great grandson. I sit by Master’s side, he strokes my wooden head as he breathes through the clear tube. We were in the Get Betterer Palace, healers ran to and fro. I look at my master and see his old face. I was told that he was a God that he would live forever but I now realize it was a lie. He can die and I had the misfortune to see and be there for it to happen. He noticed that I was watching him and he weakly lifted his hand to pat my head. He smiled a small smile as he looked into my turquoise eyes and I gazed up into his brown ones, I see them close and his hand slides down my body. Loud beeps ring through the room and I hear Master’s mate cry. I cry now, but I must continue our legacy and pass my story onto my future young so that he will never be forgotten. For I am Beowulf last born of the Oaken Clan, last born under the Master’s loving gaze. In my now prideful state I look at Master’s mate and know it is my duty to comfort her in her time of despair.

The hospital faded and in its place I was in the Business Place and there sat a man with a trimmed white beard in a business guy suit.

“Next.” Was the only thing he spoke, I gazed around the room and noted that I wasn't alone. Hundreds of other humans were either reading a physical magazine or playing a game of their data pads. But none stood up so I guess that means I'm next. As I stood and walked my steps echoed and the guy typing on the 1970s computer looked at me but went back to typing. I looked at the desk and see a nameplate thing and saw it said Shimon. “Name?”

“Uh Alexander.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose while he sighed. “Your full name.”

“Uh...sorry. Alexander Kovalyov.”

“I said full name.”

“*sigh* Alexander Nicole Kovalyov.”

With more clacks of the keyboard he spoke again. “It's not your time, see you in fifty years.” Before I could ask him what the fuck he was talking about when I woke up on the cold stone floor. I looked around and saw the clock with a smiley face. It had the time 8:40. I felt like I needed to be somewhere but couldn't put a finger on it. I looked around and saw Christi sleeping with her dress changed to green. I stood on my stuff legs shuffled to her, as I got to her I nudged her face with my shoeless foot. She just groaned and rolled over.

“Wake up,” this time I kicked her claw arm thing and she sat up with a jolt and looked at me then the clock. Her face changed from confused to scared as she yelled.

“WE’RE LATE!”

Griffon Party

Christi ran ahead of me while I hopped on one foot attempting to put my shoe on. “Wait up!”

“No! You gotta speed up!” I groaned as she utilized her wings to gain more speed. Most of the shoe slipped on except for the back part. Now I could run, albeit a tad awkward, I started to catch up with her. Now as I ran by a griffon that was flying I realized that they were pretty damn slow, I mean I was running at a weird angle my lower back was still kinda in pain but I was running just as fast. Another scientific study that I'll do later when I'm not tired. We approached the the door leading to the courtyard we slowed down. As we stopped I noted that Christi was panting badly but I only took deep breathes. After she stopped panting I opened the door and she stepped through.

As we did a few griffons and a human looked at us before going back to their conversations. “Ah, it's good to see you two.” I jumped slightly after hearing the High King’s voice right behind me. “I see by sight of your skin Spaceman that you've had a busy couple of hours.” He quickly looked at me and then Christi and right back at me before winking. As he turned to walk off I racked my confused brain in an attempt to figure out what he meant. I was on the verge of discovery when I smelled cooking eggs, cookies and the erotic smell of meat being cooked.

I ditched Christi as I followed my nose to the other side of the courtyard to a small door behind a hedge. I found the metal ring door knob thing and gave it a tug, finding it unlocked I went in. The aroma grew larger now as I went in. I followed it down the short hall lit up by the same blue torches as the outside. As I walked on I heard the clatter of pots and pans and soon I found myself in the hustle and bustle of a kitchen. A griffon servant pushed past me with a tray of fish fillets, and cheese bits. I quickly walked over to the a human barking orders.

“You know if you shopped up those thin strips on that pan over there, shredded that cheese and mixed it up with those eggs it’ll improve the taste.”

With a fiery anger the five foot chef turned around and yelled, “WHO IN TARTUS DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! WALKING INTO MY KITCHEN AND TELLING ME HOW TO MAKE MY FOOD? WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MR GIANT YOU CAN SUCK A COCK!” I backed away slowly with my arms to my chest as he grabbed a rather large knife. I turned and ran back down the hall and away from the possible schizophrenic psycho.

Now I was back in the party and a small band was playing stringed instruments with bagpipe bodies, looking away I found Christi at the food table. My left hand went to my stomach but I wasn't hungry, so I made a b line to the bar. As I approached there sat a midnight colored griffon was cleaning a shot glass. “A good night for a Day Before a white wedding, yes?” I only nod my head as I lean on the bar counter, the adrenaline was wearing off and I needed a strong drink. “So what do ya want?”

“Five fingers* of your strongest drink you got.” He nodded and brought down a jug with four black Xs and two skull and crossbones. Setting the jug down he grabbed a large glass and lined it up with my hand and poured. What came out was a dark orange liquid, as it settled I heard a sizzle of melting glass. I simply ignored it and took a sip.

It tasted like water with a slight orange taste, “I said your strongest drink man not water.”

His joyful expression turned sour as he spoke with venom in his voice, “You said the strongest Spaceman and I got you the strongest!” His talons were raised and my fist clinched, until I heard a grandfatherly tone.

“Ah Spaceman I see you enjoying a rather strong drink.”

“If you could call this a drink.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw the bartender raise his talons higher.

“Ah I see, come Spaceman I believe I have answer to your predicament,” the High King did a 180 degree turn and walked back to the castle. After he got five feet away I shrugged my shoulders and quickly closed the gap. Bobbing and weaving through the mingling crowd we finally made it into the throne room. We stopped in front of a non conspicuous plant and a section of the stone wall slid back revealing a spiral stone staircase. The old griffon grabbed a torch and made his way down, as I stepped in a wave of stench hit me. It stank of stagnant water and possible dead bodies, but soon we reached the bottom to show a large wine cellar.

“This is my personal illeg…. I mean completely legal liquor storage basement.” His eyes shifted side to side, I took a deep breath and then released it. After he finished his eye shifting he walked over to a random shelf and pulled out a random green glass and put it into my hands. “Here try this out!” Looking at it for a moment and popped the cork. A soft pop echoed throughout the room, raising the glass to my mouth I took a swig, swirling it around my mouth and feeling a slight burn of alcohol but it wasn't strong enough. Passing the bottle back the High King drank the rest before grabbing another and passed it to me. This time it was more fruit that than burn, once again I passed it back. After drinking the rest I was handed another bottle, this time it was midnight black. I found a label and it read; Equestrian Moonlight Vodka. A small grin formed on my face as this would be close to home. Twisting the cap off the room became cold as it fully came off. Now as it touched my mouth the thick, nearly pinkish stomach medicine thick, the taste came. It was slightly salted and I could taste the fucking potatoes it was made out of other than that it was terrible as it made me gag due to the disgustingly thickness of it. My face scrunched up in disgust and as I passed over the bottle I looked at the High King.

The two bottles of liquor were at his paw things and he was giggling to himself. “Spa...Spaceman *hicc* you're like the son I always wanted. Bu….but I have a son so you're like the son that I wanted but did...n’t have until now.” He crawled to my and sideways hugged me very awkwardly, “Thas….thas it! Since you like son I’ll i’ll put you in my will! Yeah thas a good ider! Tahnks me!” He started giggling like a mad mad as I lifted him up.

“Come on Kingy, let's get you to your cool chair.” As we made it up the stairs and to the open ending he started to cry.

“Itz juss soo hard since Ainsley died, yah know? Itz been two yers since and I still see her when I close my eyes.” As I sat him on the throne he cried harder as I grabbed a piece of paper and a quill.

“Just don't forget her man and she’ll live on in your heart and your family’s hearts.” Still crying hard he wrapped me in a hug.

“Tahnk you!” I started groaning loudly until he let go of me. His sobs died down and he let me go. His head rested on my arm as he took deep breathes as he slumbered. With my left arm I pushed his head off and onto his own claw arm thing. As he slumbered I tiptoed out of the throne room and back outside to the party but there were only four people left. The three man band and Christi.

I walked slowly to her, my steps echoing on the stone path. “Uh..hey Christi. I'm sorry I left at the party.” She said nothing as she turned around. Her face full of anger, “I’m sorry but the painkillers made me thirsty and I could've gotten killed and the High King talked to me and we sorta hung out. If you’d like,” now raising my voice so the band could hear,” could I have this last dance?”

Her eyes changed and her claw came out stretched and I grabbed it. The band started to play their bag guitar things as I whispered in her ear, “I don't know how to dance.”

She looked up at me and whispered back, “Me neither.”

Author's Note

*: A finger in bar terms is a unit of measurement using the width of a finger which is around an ounce. In this case five fingers is five ounces of liquor.

Train

I was back on the train heading back to Ponyville, still hated the damn name. I was kinda pissed you know, the fucking wedding lasted two minutes. Two goddamn minutes! They got up there said, “I promise to never defect to another mate,” and kissed then boom go home. But at least Woodie and Blue were happy, I took a deep breath in and out as I tried to sleep.

A train passenger had other plans as she started to talk. “Ah a fellow connoisseur of exotic animals,” my eyes open and they met a grey earth pony with a blue mane. Her eyes seemed larger than normal but it's probably due to the bright blue eyeshadow she wore like a racoon. Her whole hand pointed at the seat across from me, “May I?” I wanted to tell her to fuck off but my mouth couldn't form the words and she took my silence for a yes and sat down. “I can feel that you don't want my presence here so I'll get to the point, how much?”

My eyes narrowed as my hate for this random pony rose. “Price for what?”

“Your pets of course!”

Her hate exceeded everything now and she made it to the number one spot on my shit list. “No.” My arms, with paternal instinct, wrapped around their necks.

Her smile faltered, “I’ll pay fifty thousand bits for each, did you hear fifty thousand for each.” Her face is cemented into my memory as a symbol of hatred and will be forever number one.

“Do you have something in your ears? I said no!”

I opened my eyes and looked around and noted that I was still on the Choo Choo, looking around I saw the man beast and a pony. But the man beast was glaring at the pony, he opened his mouth and a garble of growls out full of hate. His arms wrapped tighter around us, causing Woodie to shift but not to wake. I could feel his hate and anger brew and as I gazed at the pony I felt it rise in me aswell, before I knew it my teeth were bared and ready to bite my throat also made its anger known as I started to growl. The pony’s face was blank as it left the small chair and out the room. I could feel the man beast relax and he started to breath again, his arms pulled me closer to his warm body. As he drifted off to sleep so did I.

I was in the den yard, I was a pup again. “Come Azul play!” I heard come from behind, as I turned I felt a body knock me down. “You're too slow!” I growled in annoyance as I glared at the young prince while he smiled smugly. His smile infuriated me, heck so did his stupid face. My anger reached my legs and I charged him, he had no time to prepar for the unexpected charge. Our bodies hit with a thunk and he fell with a thump, his green eyes spun in circles as he gazed to the sky.

“I guess I'm not too slow now, right Prince?” Now I was the smug one, sauntering over to the fallen prince I help him up. But he says nothing but blankly stared at the sky, now I gazed up and saw a black and yellow buzz buzz. It flew flower to flower to get nectar but as it flew over our heads the Prince jumped up and ate it.

“Ow! It bit me!” He simply screamed, before I could respond his face started to swell. It looked hilarious and I laughed. My laughing even persisted even when he ordered me to stop. “As pwince I uhder oo to stahp waughing at me!”

Now I had grown from a pup and I was in my den. The Prince had disappeared and I was alone now, I was out of my homeland and was lost. The forest was cold and I felt no magic to help me nourish myself. I cry into the night, I missed him. I wanted him to father my young but he left before I could say, then his brother asked me to be his mate! That snake asked ME to be his mate! Now I left to find the Prince to maybe get him back to take the rule from his brother.

I was suddenly jostled awake from my dreams as I was carried by the man beast. The Choo Choo had stopped and we're back in pony town. I wiggled in his grasp and his eyes met my own, and I was sat down to walk by his side. I looked over and saw the Prince walking by the other side and I shouted, “GOOD MORNING!”

He jumped slightly before looking at the sky, “It’s midday, but good morning.” I slowed and went to his side and nuzzles his neck. “Have I ever told you that I loved you?”

“Not today.”

“Ah, well then I love you.” The warm feeling of love entered my soul and I knew that the good times were rolling in.

Note

Sorry for not posting, I have a lot going on at the moment. But the new chapter will be up in a day or two.

The Beach

A loud banging was echoing through my ship, as I was walking to the door I readied the handgun. My arm angled it downward and kicked the button my with right foot, sunlight poured in and I saw Twilight ready to unleash another fury of knocks. Our eyes met and I lowered the gun to tuck it in my waistband.

“What is the reason that you're attempting to knock my door down?”

“I was hoping that you would be interested in going to the lake this midday,” I rolled my tongue across my teeth in thought. Within a moment I answered her thing with a short sweet answer.

“Sure, where is this lake?”

“It’s past Ponyville to the north west.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“You don't have to if you don't want to…”

“Cool, see you later.” I shut the door and had a small inquiry on what to bring. What was I going to bring, eh fuck it! I’ll bring a cake or something.

I was heading to the lake with the Napoleon cake wrapped in cellophane. I heard the ponies and occasional human whisper behind my back, most of it was simple curiosity while some was hate and fear. I ignored most of it some I took to heart, I knew I was being stared at and I felt goosebumps rise and my neck hair rose. A small burst of adrenaline fueled my paranoia, my heartbeat banged in my ears as I sped up my walk to a slow jog. As I leave the stone path and enter the dirt path leaving the town I felt better and my hair went down, I could hear splashes and laughter. Passing a line of trees the beach clearing came into view. Ponies were frolicking in the water and humans soaked up some sun while sleeping.

“Alexandy!” Shouted the pink pony that defied physics.

“Hello Pinkie, it's good to see you after all that time.” As she appeared to my right I was dragged through the sand, my feet made trenches as I was drug. Soon, however, I was dropped to the ground on a large red blanket. I mumbled a small ow as I sat up, my hand rubbed my nose as I made it feel better. I quickly noted that my cake was gone and I looked around until I found Pinkie head first in it. I would've been angry but I needed to know how she could put her head into a three inch tall cake. I opened my mouth but, surprisingly Jame responded.

“Just don't, I never understood it and you won't either.” With that I flopped on to the ground to relax.

With a loud thump I felt a fluffy head rest on my shoulder. As I looked over I felt anger rise as my vision was covered in pink curly hair, I was about to push her off when I saw something shiny. I reached my right hand out, what I grabbed was a piece of gold. Not a coin but a lump of gold sitting there, but it was never easy to grab gold because I soon heard growling. Looking to my left I found the source, a large black monster with tubes for mouthes. As my gaze met its it roared, my heart pumped full of adrenaline as it lunged at me.

*Outside of the Hair*

All of the group stared at the kicking legs sticking out of Pinkie’s hair.

“What’s he doin’ in there?” Asked Applejack with confusion on her face.

Pinkie replied, through giggles, “I don't know but it tickles!”

*Back in the Hair*

My hands were holding the beast's face from mine as I screamed, “HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!” With a loud grunt of effort I launched the beast five feet away from me. With it away I started to crawl backwards , but it quickly recovered and drug me back in. Now with my legs in I could stand up but I felt smaller and the hair looked larger. Before I could contemplate my surroundings I heard clicking and I noticed I was surrounded by more of those things. I did the only I could do, run away while screaming.

*Out of the Hair*

It had been ten minutes after Alexander’s legs disappeared in Pinkie’s hair. All of them were worried, “Shouldn't we try and help?” Whispered the quiet Fluttershy, with a ungodly smile and a violent flapping of her head a pink hand went into the jungle.

I had been running for what felt like hours, leaning up on a pink tree I breathed in and out in an attempt to calm down. But it got darker and colder, more panic started to rise and I turned in time to see a large pink hand reach for me. The thumb and index finger gripped me and threw me in the air. The sound of waves and beach birds got my ears as I hit the sand. I was greatly confused, I rolled to my back while delighted to see the blue sky. I grinned for I had survived the improbable! I gazed at the sky and just enjoyed being alive, everything was like heaven. The ground soft and the air diabetes sweet, I was happy. Soon, however, I sat up with three back pops and a single neck pop.

“So….I miss anything cool?” Silence met my ears, I guess that's a no. Now I stood and looked for a changing room, spotting none I asked. “So where can I change?”

Rarity, with comically sized sunglasses, replied “Change into what dear?”

“Uhh swim clothes.”

Her hand moved the sunglasses down and her eyes did a quick once over. “No offense dear but you don't look like a swimmer.” My eyes narrowed, as a man that lived near the Average Lakes and the Ohio Gorge, now walking to the nearest patch of bushes and trees I changed into the blue shorts. My bare feet hit the warm sand with a flop and it felt good. My eyes burned a hole of hatred into Rarity’s head as I glared at her all the way to the water’s edge.

When I passed her she followed me as I took step after step into the lukewarm water. Very soon I was neck high, my left arm raised and have her the one finger salute before diving under. The water didn't sting as I opened them to look around, the water was a crystal clear blue and the plants a lovely dark green. In around fifteen seconds I surfaced for air. I floated in the middle of the lake ponies were swimming around and yelling something about not seeing him. Pegasi were flying in circles yelling the same, I shrugged my shoulders and relaxed as my body floated up. Now I know it's irresponsible to sleep when in water but I was tired so I dozed off. I landed on the sand and felt the wind chill my body.

“He's Not breathing!” This piqued my interest and I opened my eyes in time to see a male pony’s mouth going to mine. I've been in a situation similar to this and let me tell you it's not fun, so I did the only thing I could do. Punched him in the face. The pony held his face in shock as I was crowded by six ponies and a single human all with worried faces.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” Shouted, unexpectedly, Fluttershy.

“To prove a point.” I replied with a smug grin as her left eye twitched. The crowd dispersed and I went back to the blanket to not cause another “incident.” As I relaxed a small thump and the sound of spraying sand was next to me. I looked over and saw a potato just sitting there. My brain finally broke, I reached out and grabbed it but as I did so bluish green lines appeared around my hands and I went flying.

My thoughts as I soared through the air were simple, “Huh guess I'm being kidnapped now.”

The End

*Unknown POV*

My green hand scribbled on the parchment as I watched the large human struggle in its binds.

“This is Lyra Heartstrings, minor in Humanology. Today I record a new sub specie of human featuring more predatory traits than the humans of Mountain Mountain but if it is alike those humans then it shouldn't be that intelligent. I have decided to name my find Prédateur Humain, now to the physical description. It's teeth are sharp and more angular which can easily tear flesh as evident by my shoulder wounds (pictures shown above). The wound wouldn't respond to magical healing, my theory is that the metal bits inside the teeth are blocking healing magics. Any attempts to remove them by physical magic or pliers causes it responds by loud wails of anger. The snout of the Prédateur Humain is pointed and extended indicating the sub specie is built to cut on wind resistance for speed, the claws are long and built for slicing and prodding. The eyes are beady and I believe it can see my heat signature, the lower claws are stubby and meant for grabbing items out of reach of the upper extremities.

The body appears to be slender yet have more muscle mass in the withers. The legs, however, show less muscle mass than that of a unicorn. Strange, as I pick up a scalpel for the vivisection it flinches in fear. Intriguing, the brain will be needed for further study.” I set the parchment down and move to the creature with the Brain Saw. But as I grabbed the rope holding its arms its head flew to mine.

*Alexander’s POV*

After I head butted a crazy bitch that kidnapped me and tied me in a kinda dark basement. I gnawed on the ropes harder, the rope tasted of dirt. I could feel the strands slowly snap away as I put pressure and ground the fibers away. A loud snap echoed through the stone basement as my mouth was freed from the evil of rope. I started to kick my legs…..wait the damn bitch didn't even tie my legs together! With a sigh of relief I started up the stairs to find a knife to cut my arms loose. As I started I lost my balance and wobbled.

“Woah!” My hands flailed in an attempt to keep balance. Once my balance was regained the ropes fell down to my ankles due to the struggling. “God fucking dammit! Does anyone on this planet know how to do anything right?!” With my anger released, for now, I entered the building. Surprisingly it was pretty nice, the walls went leaking green slime like I had imagined. A picture however caught my eye. It was my kidnapper on the left kissing, a human who was also being kissed by a normal pony female. I knew the best thing to do, my hand pushed the frame a little to the left. If I was right it’d drive them insane. As I walked through the door I realized I'd been gone for a couple of hours as the sun flew passed the horizon, the air chilled and I sighed once more. My feet were cold as they slapped a meaty slap on the stone road to what I hoped was the town. A sound of wings was behind me, my fear rose as I slowly turned to see a midnight black figure holding a sword.

“Foul dream demon your time on this plane is over! I have come to end ye and your plague of this land!” My hand pinched the bridge of my nose.

With a sigh I responded to Princess Luna, “Why do you hate me Luna?”

This obviously broke her train of thought as she sputtered out,” Wha...what?”

“You really think I can't feel your hate towards me? The couple of times we were in the same room I kept seeing you grab the nearest sharp object, now I’ll ask again. Why do you hate me?”

She fell to the ground as her wings stopped keeping her afloat. The sword imbedded in the stone, “You're so called dreams.”

With a loud sigh I asked her a question. “Do you want to a hear a story?”

This obviously confused her for a moment until she responded, “Um sure?”

“*One day a scorpion asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog said, “But you’ll sting me!”

The scorpion simply replied, “If I do we both die.” The frog agreed after the convincing and started to cross the river with the scorpion. But halfway across the scorpion stung the frog. As they sank in the river the frog asked why it stung him. The scorpion simply retorted, “It's my nature*.”

For a moment Luna pondered the meaning but could not find it, “What does it mean.”

A small grin formed before I responded. “It means that no matter what I tell you I can never change the nature of my dreams. Whatever it is that makes you hate me will never stop.” A loud pop with a glow of blue and she was gone. As I gazed at the sky I saw a blue streak pass the large moon, “That chick has some growing up to do.”

*Space*

“Navigation Officer what do we have?”

“Well Priestess we have a moon with a metal box sending the signal, as we got into reach of the moon we received coordinates of another location on the planet.”

“Good good, Militia Captain!”

“Yes my Priestess?”

“Prepare the slaves for combat.”

“Yes my Priestess!”

The Militia Captain ran out of the room as the Priestess slid into her chair planning her next thoughts.

*Following the Militia Captain*

The bug like alien sprinted through the halls until he reached the slave quarters. The metallic door slid open to show the fifty feline slaves, as they noted his presence they hit the ground begging for forgiveness.

With a voice full of venom he spoke, “Listen you worthless pieces of gunk! In a single ahk we shall land in a planet. You are to find the leader and bring it to us. If they aren't compliant then kill it, is that understood?”

A feeble voice whispered out, “Yes master.”

*Russian Ship*

The captain sat in his chair waiting for a report from his Senior Michman, when the Navigations Officer ran to him. “Sir! We have two days until we reach the signal!” Joy was in his voice.

“Is that all?”

“Yes!”

“Thank you, you're dismissed.”

*Training Room*

The five hundred soldiers were doing push-ups as five others were going through tactics, excessive gun holstering, the group was also being screamed at by the Senior Michman.

“ALRIGHT YOU LADIES LISTEN UP! IN TWO DAYS WE’LL BE PLANETSIDE AND YOU MAY DIE! BUT DO NOT WORRY YOU’RE REPLACEABLE!” This unneeded none but the English Translator Ivan Kovalyov.

The End….For now

Author's Note

You know, I never really knew this story would get this far. Personally I thought it'd fail after the first chapter or so. But it didn't and I'm happy for that. But you may be thinking why am I ending it now? Well I didn't plan for a story that would last 100k words, but do not fret I'm starting a plan for a sequel but I'll be writing another story and after words The first chapter of the sequel will be out. I hope you had a good read and a lovley day.