Look what you just made me do
Beauty on the inside came back to show beauty on the outside. Rarity knew this.
But that counted for anything. Laziness inside, laziness outside. Insecurity couldn’t reveal a beautiful mane once it had covered it in wallflower paste. And so it went.
And today, Rarity was feeling 500% Bitch, capital B. It was a powerful feeling. She’d never snorted coke, outside of only about half a dozen times in the Grand Galloping Gala after-parties, but she imagined this was 500% what it felt like. She could still be sycophantic, of course, if she felt like simpering and affecting nobility. But why do that when she could sweep a mare’s legs out from under her and stomp her in her lady-balls like she was making grape juice?
And she was gonna stomp a lot of lady-balls that night, Rarity decided as she kicked in the back door to the Grand Galloping Gala’s Grand Galloping Ballroom. Who needed a front door to make a kickass entrance? Sycophants. And she was well, well, well beyond that.
“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Rarity announced to the dozens and dozens of ponies in the ballroom. “Guess who just got hard?”
And it was true. Prison-wise, it was 500% true. Ohohohohohoho damn, was it ever true. Who needed a perfectly coiffed mane when you could attack it with a pair of scissors and smear it with some dye? Who needed thousand-thread-count fabrics when you could take flesh that was probably literally ripped off of a cow and ram it through with studs? What accessories could she possibly need? How about a pair of hoofless gloves that doubled as a set of brass-ass knuckles? Yeah, the debutante dress-wetters in the place didn’t have shit on her.
Rarity drank in the sea of stunned faces that greeted her, rigid bodies and eyes frozen like camera lenses. Half a dozen had mouths puckered in perfect surprise, like they were about to go down on a sea of dragon hemipenises. They could fuck off, straight over to fucking on somewhere else. The night was hers, hers.
Distantly, Rarity heard a voice that sounded a bit like Twilight Sparkle’s voice. Who cared? What was Purple Smart going to do to her, call the fuckin’ cops? Who gave a shit? Rarity could buy and sell every last god damned princess if she wanted. But what she wanted was what she did, which in other words was to stare down one particularly timid-looking colt, the one with the girly muzzle and an ass that looked 500% hittable from her angle.
Looks like she wasn’t the only one in the party who got hard, Rarity thought with a glass-cutting smirk. Who cared? Five legs were better than four, and it wasn’t as if the frilly sow next to him could charm her way out of a wet paper bag. Not that everypony else’s utter lack of charisma stopped her from putting some sway into her leather-clad step, because she’d be damned if she couldn’t make every stallion in the room harder than they’d ever been in their simpering lives, even if all that meant was that the combined total of them wouldn’t be a tenth as hard as she was right now. Not that comparing cocks to breaking the law made any more sense than comparing apples to oranges, but who was going to call her on it?
“Rarity!” shouted an extraordinarily stern and maternal voice close to her right shoulder. “I demand to-”
“‘Sup, ho.” Rarity replied, without bothering to change direction or turn her head. “Wait, sorry. ‘Sup, Princess Celestia.”
“What. Are. You. Doing?” Princess Celestia fumed, her voice growing louder with every word. Rarity didn’t need to turn her head to know Celestia was storming closer to her. Unsubtle as fuck, but who cared? Subtlety sucked. If anything, this made Celestia the least sucky alicorn in the room, at least for the moment.
“What do you think?” Rarity replied. “Enjoying the festivities. What, do I need to pull out my Bitch license before i crash in here?”
“You’re being inappropriate.” Celestia spat, voice almost directly over Rarity’s shoulder. “Element of Harmony or not, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Leave? Me?” Rarity cackled. “What, you think a Bitch like me is gonna just leave because you ask me to? Did you try saying pretty please? That might have-”
“Enough.” Celestia’s horn glowed, and a beam of golden light blasted down onto where Rarity-
Used to have been.
“Fun fact,” Rarity said as she rematerialized behind Celestia, horn still shimmering with swirls of jade and violet light. “Unicorns? They can teleport. Also fun fact is that with that kind of attitude and that kind of body, you’re actually the second-most eligible bachelorette in the room. That’s from one Big, White Slut With a Big Fat Butt to another,” Rarity added, punctuating her sultry observation with a coy little slap on Celestia’s ivory ass.
The crowd reacted with simultaneous, shocked gasps that sounded half like they just orgasmed and half like they had each been simultaneously stabbed in their throats. Except for the second-most eligible bachelorette in the room, who stood there sputtering and red-faced. Probably savoring the moment, Rarity realized. Shame that all of her power and influence couldn’t get her the confidence she needed to get herself a couple of nice dicks to stick in a couple of nice orifices. Oh, well. Sucked to be her.
With a smirk, Rarity turned back towards the filly-muzzled colt. She closed about half the distance before yet another stuffy, puffed-up looking alicorn got in front of her face. Of course, This alicorn couldn’t get a virginal guardspony even if he was practically throwing himself on top of her. Probably because of her twee haircut and look-at-me-prince-charming dress. Who was she trying to impress with that outfit, anyway? Who even designs dresses like that?
“Rarity!” Twilight Sparkle yelled. If Rarity had insanely long curls, they might have been blown back by the gale-force huff of Twilight’s shriek. But Twilight couldn’t do anything about her jagged, painted-over, half-shaved, shoot-to-kill mane spikes. Or anything else, for that matter.
“Sup.” Rarity replied. “By the way, you need to fix your manestyle. And your dress. And probably your face. Seriously, did you even put on lipstick today?”
“It’s called lip gloss, and - wait, that isn’t the point!” Twilight snapped, eyes brimming with equal parts fury and leftover dorkiness. “Rarity, what in Equestria did you do?”
“Why does it matter?” Rarity snorted. “This whole thing is your fault. It’s really your fault I’ve done what I did. Look what you made me do, Purple Smart. Look at it.”
“I didn’t make you do anything!” Twilight shrieked. “We told you to try to stay calm! We told you to not - we told you to not go to the Everfree Forest in the first place!”
“And I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.” Rarity waggled a lazy forehoof in the air. “And I honestly don’t care if it was a good idea or not. All I know is that whatever you’re proposing probably sucks. Seriously, what is it with you? Don’t you think that actually getting some dick would feel better than coming up with stupid ideas all the time?”
“Queen Chrysalis was a Threat! To! Equestria!” Twilight yelled, going beet-red in the face. “She was going to destroy everypony, everydragon and everychangling that ever existed!”
“Seriously?” Rarity rolled her eyes. “You - okay, you seriously got scared by a dumb, whiny bitch with a bad overbite? Seriously?”
“Wh-how can you-” Twilight sputtered.
“Oh, right. Fun little fact. You’re probably thinking “Is my friend Rarity actually Rarity? Boo hoo hoo, she’s acting so weird and stuff, it’s almost like she decided to stop being a pussy and actually get her shit together. That totally means she’s probably being possessed by a changeling or something. But no, duh, it doesn’t.” Rarity smirked. “It totally would still be your fault if it was, though.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Yeah, you’re right. You totally didn’t make her think she needed to step up her game. You totally didn’t make her decide to go all Tirek on us. All that soul-sucking stuff? Yeah. Totally not you.” Rarity’s grin widened as she watched one of Twilight’s forehooves tremble, and widened further as Twilight’s eyelids began to involuntarily twitch. “Aww, poor dear, did I hurt your feelings? Do you want me to get you a baby bottle and a pacifier?”
Twilight closed her twitchy eyelids and took a deep breath. “Rarity. If you’re still in there-”
“Oh, please. You think that Rarity died out in some patch of scrubland like a scared little filly? You think Chrysalis sucked out my soul and copied my body? Please. I’m an element of harmony, Starswirl Junior. You think I was just gonna lie back and let her murder me?”
“This isn’t you,” Twilight begged. Her voice echoed in the ballroom as the other party guests drew backward, putting as much empty space between the two of them as they could. “Rarity, please, this isn’t you-”
“Yep! You’re right! It’s better!” Rarity chirped, putting a deliberate saunter into her hips as she drew within kissing distance to Twilight. “See, turns out all I had to do was fight back. All I had to do was take in that moment like she was slipping me her tongue, on equal footing with her, all up-close and personal and borderline romantic. And then all I had to do was rip out her fuckin’ soul and chow down. And that’s what I did,” Rarity concluded with a shrug. “I ate her, Twiggy. And now she’s all locked up in my brain, screaming like a little kid to be let out. But hey, wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t try to kill me. Look what she made me do, Twi. Better than what you made me do. Loads better.”
“No.” Twilight whimpered “Rarity, you have to listen to me, she’s changing you. She’s trying to control you-”
“Why? Because I stopped being a whiny dork and started being awesome? I mean, yeah, I can totally feel her in there. She makes me feel 5% angry and 5% scared. Oh, and 490% sexy, awesome, take-no-prisoners Bitch. So, yeah - this is pretty much the best thing ever. I get jacked on her emotions, I get jacked on her power, and tonight I’m gonna steal every stallion in this room and get jackhammered like a construction site. I’d say I’m sorry to you for stealing your coltfriend but, oh, wait. You didn’t bring one, did you? Sad face.”
“What...what was that about her power?” Twilight sputtered, the alicorn’s horn glowing weakly.
“Yeah. Perks of sucking her essence out like a milkshake: I’m probably the most powerful being in this room. But don’t change the subject, okay? This isn’t about me. It’s about you and your date.”
Twilight blinked, and it was all the opening Rarity needed. Her forehoof flashed out, faster than anypony could react, slapping Twilight’s shaking forehoof open and snatching the tiny object Twilight had been holding on to.
“A syringe? Oh, darling, this isn’t even remotely like a dildo. I think you need to try a little harder.”
“Give me that back!” Twilight yelled, her horn flaring up in a brilliant magenta blaze-
Then Rarity’s horn glowed back, and a tendril of jade-violet energy lashed out and slapped Twilight aside like she was a plastic toy. The alicorn skidded over the floor as Rarity peered a little more closely at the syringe, at its thin needle and pocket-sized barrel and the translucent, sky-colored liquid inside it.
“A sedative? Really? That’s what we’re going with?” Rarity sniffed. “I feel better than I have for my entire life, and you’re going to try to get me to give up this feeling with a sedative? You should have just saved this for the afterparty, dear.” Rarity added, eyes flicking around for a suitably hard object-
There. A large, granite statue of some former soldier doing some unimpressive thing while looking like a complete tool. Rarity looked back at Twilight, and was utterly unsurprised to see that Twilight had gone completely pale. Not that following Rarity’s eyesight would let Twilight stop her, of course. Rarity doubted that even four alicorns could stop her at this point, and she knew that even the apple-bottomed bureaucrat and the melodramatic nerd’s combined efforts had a negative infinity percent chance of doing jack shit to her.
Rarity's hoof blurred again, and the syringe disappeared - then exploded against the statue, shards of glass and blue liquid flecking into the air. A scream died in Twilight's throat as Rarity smirked at her. "I'm sorry, but the Old Rarity can't come to the party right now.”
“Rarity, why…?” Twilight begged.
“Why?” Rarity grinned, eyes dancing with emerald fire. “Oh…’cause she’s dead.”
