Cupcakes Versus Muffins

by A cubed

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3126

Derpy and Pinkie Pie have an argument over which is better: cupcakes or muffins. AJ solves it; why not put them together? Later, Twilight advises the two to go into business together, selling these mupcakes- er, cuffins...

[follow user Nightcoremoon for an eventual reboot & continuation- written October 5, 2017]

Derpy and Pinkie fight over which is better. Applejack gives them the idea to mix the ideas, and soon, the two ponies have made nearly a dozen recipes. Upon discovering this idea, Twilight realizes that it could be a big opportunity for both Pinkie and Derpy, and advises the two to go into business.
However, neither really know how to finance a business. Unsure about how to manage such a thing, the idea is nearly scrapped: however, Twilight offers her services. She hypothesizes that it would be a great opportunity both for them and for herself: they would make tons of money, and she would be able to learn things about economics. Perfect material to send letters to Celestia for, right?
[No Twilicorn]

Published 2012-07-21 02:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-05 06:09:13 UTC

Chapter 1

A/N
This is a really short plot bunny. I fell in love with Derpy- well, I already liked her, but I checked the net for art of her, and saw angsty pictures on DeviantART, and my attention was drawn to muffins. So, I got two ideas for stories: one was a sad and angsty story (The Doctor disappears, Dinky is taken away by CPS, and Derpy fights to get her daughter back by proving she can take care of her without the Doctor) and one was a lighthearted muffin-related story.
This is the happy one. So, Derpy and Pinkie Pie get in a fight over whether Muffins are better than Cupcakes (no, not THAT Cupcakes!). It’s all light-hearted. Please enjoy!
End A/N

/x/x/x/

ApplejackPOV

/x/x/x/

“Muffins!” the wall-eyed Pegasus cried, leaning on the counter at Sugarcube Corner.

“Cupcakes!” the pink earth pony yelled back, leaning on the same counter full of cakes and various other baked goods.

“No, Muffins!”

“Nuh-uh, Cupcakes!”

“I said Muffins are better!”

“No, Cupcakes are a bajillion times better!”

I seriously have to stop this, and now. They’ve been arguin’ for five minutes now, and they’re startin’ a scene. I cleared my throat, hopin’ they’d hear me, but they didn’t, and continued with this fight of theirs. It’s gratin’ on my nerves, so I put my hoof in my mouth and whistled real loud-like, just so I could get myself heard.

That got their attention.

“Hi, Applejack!” Pinkie turned to me after I whistled. “I didn’t see you there. What are you getting?”

“Well, I was just gonna buy a couple o‘ cupcakes for Apple Bloom’s sleepover with her friends in their treehouse, but that can wait a few minutes. Is there a problem between you and-” I turned my head to greet Derpy. We exchanged ‘hello’s, and I focused back on Pinkie. I continued, “Your friend here?”

“Nope,” she nodded. “No problems here! We’re just having a pleasant discussion about how cupcakes are better than muffins.” Derpy coughed. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“I guess it would depend on the time of day. Muffins, you eat at breakfast, and you eat cupcakes after supper or at birthday parties, right? Plus, muffins are usually full o’ fruit or spices or both, while cupcakes are pure cake or swirls with frosting on top. Ye can’t really compare the two.”

Suddenly, Pinkie and Derpy started to giggle. Why? Is it something I said?

“Oh Applejack, you poor naïve soul.” Miss Hooves put her hoof on my shoulder. “What do you bake them both in?”

“Umm… a muffin tin.” Pinkie pulled one out of the counter- wait, how’d she, where’d she- oh, whatever. I guess they have one thing in common. She set the tin on the counter surface.

“And Applejack, don’t you put paper in the holes before dropping the batter in?”

“Umm… I guess so.” She’s kinda right. I’ve made apple-cinnamon muffins before, and apple-cinnamon cupcakes, and now that I think of it, I don’t remember any difference while makin’ ‘em.

“Plus,” Pinkie Pie continued. “You can have sweet or savory muffins, and sweet or savory cupcakes. If you take a look at this chart here- thanks, Derpy.” I look to my left and she’s holdin’ a big chart with some pictures on it. Where did she…?

The grey Pegasus was holding a pointer to the first picture, which was of some muffins. Pinkie provided commentary for the presentation. “This is a muffin. Normally, muffins have some kind of fruit. There’s a banana-nut one, blueberry, and a cornbread muffin.” Does corn count as a fruit…? “But next to them, are some that are a bit unconventional, and some even that are my creation. A chocolate muffin- with no frosting,”

Derpy interrupted her. “You don’t need more chocolate frosting if the cake’s already chocolate! That’s like…” she looked up, and her right eye spun around. It’s a bit… unnerving. Dangit, Twilight and her big words… Derpy cut my thoughts off by yelling “That’s too much chocolate!”

Pinkie facehoofed. “There’s no such thing as too much chocolate!” she shouted. “Anyways, chocolate isn’t a fruit. Well, it comes from a bean, which is a plant, and fruits are plants…” she took a marker out of her hair- don’t ask me- and scribbled that one out. “Bottom line is, muffins don’t have icing. I rest my case.”

“My turn!” Derpy cried. She moved her pointer to the second picture, which were some cupcakes. “Okay, here are some cupcakes. Usually, they’re made of cake. There’s chocolate, and vanilla, and yellow, and red velvet, and carrot, and…” she faltered- Dangit, Twilight!- at my stare…

“Umm… okay, there’s a bunch of cakes used in cupcakes. And you can put on different icing, like chocolate, or vanilla, or cream cheese, or… um… anyways, there’s too many different combinations. It’s too confusing! And when you lick off all the frosting, it’s all flat and blechy. Muffins get all puffy at the top, and they’re so delicious! I rest MY case.”

“So,” Pinkie started to say. Then, simul- I mean, at the same time- they both said, “So which do YOU think is better?”

I looked back and forth between the two. On the one hoof, Pinkie’s got a point, and I like frosting. On the other hoof, Miss Hooves has got a point, and I like muffin tops. Hmm… this is a hard choice…

Wait! I’ve made my decision!

“How about, you bake muffins, then cut the tops off, then put frosting on the bottom half, then put the muffin tops back on the top?”

Pinkie’s jaw was hangin’ open, and her eyes were wide. Derpy… had the same expression on her face, only, while her left eye focused on me, her right eye drifted off to the side a bit. Uh oh… Maybe that was a bit too- oh, nope, they’re blinkin’. They’re fine.

“That…” Pinkie said.

“Sounds…” Derpy said.

“Awesome!” the pony standin’ behind me yelled. Er, Dragon, it was Spike. “That’s a great idea, Applejack! Hey Pinkie Pie, can you make that?”

The pony standing behind him agreed, asking “If you do, can you make it a regular here? That sounds delicious!” and the other ponies around the shop started clamoring- uh, gathering- uh, coming up here by the counter, asking the same thing.

Pinkie and Derpy exchanged glances- er, looked at each other, then smiled.

“Yes, everypony!” Pinkie exclaimed- er, said- to the crowd. “I’m making my first batch right now! Fillies and Gentlecolts, starting in about an hour, I will present Ponyville’s very first…” she stopped, and started thinking about something. I moved out of the way of the crowd- how did so many ponies get in here, anyway? It was almost empty when I came in here…

Then, Derpy and Pinkie yelled two different things at the same time.

“Mupcakes!”

“Cuffins!”

They looked at each other in shock, gasping.

“Mupcakes!”

“Cuffins!”

“No, Mupcakes!”

“Nuh-uh, Cuffins!”

“I said Mupcakes are better!”

“Nuh-uh, Cuffins are a bajillion times better!”

I sighed… Looks like the cupcake muffins will have to wait…

/x/x/x/

A/N
So, how is it? Are Pinkie, Derpy, and AJ in-character? Et cetera. I’ve got no internet at the moment, so I wrote this on late Friday night. I guess I’ll hear from you readers whenever.
EDIT- Internet's back!
End A/N

Chapter 2

/x/ Twilight /x/

‘Okay, if x divided by the product of the hypotenuse and pi is equivalent to the reciprocal of the temperature in degrees Fahrenhoof, then the graph should perform a cosine function utilizing an origin of the square root of thirty-six point six six five-’

SLAM!

Gah! If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him a thousand times not to slam the do-

‘Twilight, come quick, you have to try these!’

I looked behind me, towards the front door. From my vantage point in the side room, I could see Spike framed through one of the windows on the front face of the library. In his claws was not one, but two boxes with Sugarcube Corner’s ribbons adorning the edges, signifying that it was one of Pinkie Pie’s creations, since Mr and Mrs Cake don’t use them if they’ve made it, for practicality’s sake. I respect that in business owners, but that’s beside the point.

So, if Pinkie Pie baked these, and Spike says I have to try them... Well, frankly, I don’t really trust his judgment when it comes to baked goods. Especially when they turn out to be baked bads instead.

As he set the boxes down on the table in the kitchen, I looked back at the desk in front of me. I completely lost my train of thought. Great, now I’ll have to do the calculations all over again! Oh, well. It has been a while since I’ve eaten anything- I’ll go ahead and give one of the cupcakes a try. I’m pretty sure it’s cupcakes, because that’s a cupcake box.

Cupcake boxes are a little taller so as to accommodate for the frosting on top, without it getting all smushed down, which really hurts the visual appeal. They’ve also got clear plastic on top, so you can see inside the box, which is really convenient if you buy different kinds of cupcakes. The only reason you’d need to get multiple boxes would be for a party or other social gathering, in which case there’d be several ponies, and since not all ponies share the same tastes, you’ll need to get multiple flavors so somepony isn’t stuck with a flavor they can’t stand. Dumb coconut icing...

I scooted the chair out from my desk, and returned all four hooves to the ground. I’ve been sitting for about an hour or so, and I hadn’t gotten up once. So, I stretched my back a little- I heard and felt a crack, that’s good. I didn’t want to keep Spike waiting- I can see him practically hopping around in anticipation, what could possibly have him so excited? Gemstone cupcakes? Then why would he tell me I had to try some?

As I stepped through the doorway into the main area, he opened up one of the cupcake boxes. He reached his claw in, and before I could ask what kind of cupcake it was that he wanted me to try, he pulled out a... muffin.

What? Why would there be a muffin in a cupcake box? Surely there must be some kind of mistake! Muffins have their own kind of box, because since the tops are made of cake and not frosting, they won’t be crushed. They’re solid, so there’s no material damage. And, there’s no icing on muffins, so there doesn’t need to be the transparent plastic on top! What kind of a pony would misuse the- oh right, Pinkie Pie.

But, hold on a moment. It looks a little tall to be a muffin. It looks like the top was glued on the bottom with something- is that frosting? No... no, of course it’s not frosting, that’d be ridiculous, right? You don’t frost muffins...

“Spike, what is that?” I asked. I’m curious- it just looks like an ordinary muffin. Other than the glue. The cake is light brown with darker brown swirls- that’s a coffee cake muffin. And, the glue in between is beige. Just plain, regular beige- it’s a decent color, beige. Practical. I wonder what the purpose of the glue is for- were they cooked wrong?

Did the top just fall off the bottom, and Pinkie thought it would be a good idea to just glue it back on? She can’t sell muffins with glue on them, because you can’t eat glue! Well, I suppose you can eat glue, but it would be really bad for you, not to mention dangerous! You could clog up your throat if you ate glue, and you wouldn’t be able to breathe! Ooh... I’m not sure if I wanna try that as much now...

‘It’s a coffee cake coffee cuffin!’ he said simply, as if it was obvious to everyone else in the room but me. Actually, since we’re the only two in the room at the moment- Owloysius is sleeping up in the bedroom- it IS obvious to everyone else in the room but me. Heh heh... Oh, he’d know what I meant if I’d said that out loud.

...

Did he say cuffin?

“Did you say ‘cuffin’?”

He nodded, and moved it in my general direction. He offered no explanation as to what a ‘cuffin’ is. I guess I’ll have to ask him, then. I’m probably going to regret this.

I sighed, and asked him, “What’s a cuffin?”

‘A cuffin, also known as a mupcake, is a combination of a muffin and a cupcake. The cuffin; or mupcake; is baked much like an ordinary muffin would be. Except, the top and bottom are separated midway through baking. The top half is removed from the bottom half, and then the bottom halves are injected with frosting. The top halves are then replaced, and the muffins are allowed to bake for the rest of their time.

‘The muffins, structurally weakened from the removal while the cake was still in the earlier stages of baking, now easily come apart. To ensure that the halves stay completely together, the top halves are removed again, and a second layer of frosting goes over the bottoms. This second frosting is thicker than the filling, due to more thickening ingredients added while the muffins were still baking.

‘When the layer of frosting goes on top of the muffin bottoms, the baked goods resemble cupcakes. In fact, they are cupcakes. However, when you apply the muffin top to the completed cupcake, you have then created the mupcake, or cuffin. This particular mupcake used a cinnamon-swirl cake, and a coffee-flavored filling as well as frosting. She just dubbed it the Coffee Cake Coffee Cuffin- you know, for alitter... ma... nation? Oh well, try it!’

My eye twitched. He can remember insanely detailed baked good recipes but he can’t remember to replace Peewee’s dropping newspapers... But... this actually sounds like a pretty good idea. I mean, I really like cupcakes, especially when baked by Pinkie Pie. And, I really like muffins, especially when baked by Pinkie Pie.

“Okay Spike,” I said. “What’s this one’s flavor?” I asked, taking it with magic. I smelled it: cinnamon-y. But, there’s another flavor, what is that...?

‘It’s cinnamon coffee cake with maple.’

Maple! That’s it. Maple and cinnamon, do those really go together that well? Hmm... maybe. Oh well, if it’s good, it’s good, and if it’s bad, I can pull it apart. Here goes.

I took a bite: not really a big bite, but not a small bite either. It’s the perfect amount so it doesn’t look like I’m stuffing my face, while being enough to satisfy my palate for one bite without feeling like I cheated myself.

Upon first taste, it’s very interesting. The cinnamon-sugar had one layer of sweetness, but cinnamon-sugar rarely has much fullness to it. The maple is very full flavor, but it’s not very strong. Separate they’d be good, of course they would be, but nothing really exceptional. It would just be food. However, together...

I started chewing. The cake was fluffy, but not the richest. I mean, that’s a given, it can’t be both thick and fluffy at the same time, that’s like pie crust being both tender and flaky. However, with the icing, it adds a layer of richness the coffee cake alone couldn’t dream of supplying.

I swallowed.

That was a really good cupcake. Or, muffin. Or, whatever it was called... Cuffin? I’d rather call it a Muffcake, but whatever. I’ll have to tell Pinkie Pie she did a great job on these.

“Say, Spike,” I started to ask. “Where did Pinkie Pie get this idea from? It’s really quite delicious.” I finished as I took another bite.

‘Well, Derpy was there to help her with the-’

He was cut off by a spray of cake and icing chunks hitting his face. I didn’t even think that was physically possible.

“Derpy!?” I asked, disbelievingly. “SHE helped make these?” the last time I had muffins from Derpy, well... it didn’t really end well. Like, it ended even worse than the first time I had zap-apple pie.

Spike licked the cake and frosting off his face in a circular motion, sort of like Pinkie Pie does when covered in whipped cream. Except, reptile tongues are different from mammal’s tongues, and even though I’ve practically raised him for years, it’s still slightly off-putting.

‘Yeah,’ Spike started saying. ‘Derpy and Pinkie Pie were having an argument about whether Cupcakes or Muffins were better, so Applejack said something about mixing them together. So Derpy started making muffin mix and Pinkie started making frosting, and they just started mixing the flavors together.’

He walked over to the boxes and opened them, beckoning me over. There were so many flavors in there: there were chocolate ones, and some with fruit in them, and one of them smelled like peanut butter and banana bread. All of them looked the same as the maple coffee cake one: cake with frosting underneath the top.

“Spike...” I said slowly. “I think Pinkie and Derpy hit a gold mine.”

/x/x/x/

Author's Note

Sorry the plot didn't move very much forward. This is more of an exercise in writing first-person.
Anyways, it's been seven months. -.- It's okay for you to shoot me now. I wish I was a time lord, but, oh well.
I know the type of story I want to write, but it'll require me to watch nearly 8 hours of an anime to understand economics on a basic level in order to write a story about it.

Poll

This is a temporary placeholder chapter for the purposes of spreading a message about the story. Please don't flag.

Anyways, I posted this chapter to make a final tally: I will ask a question, please leave your answer in a comment.

-ahem-

How would you all feel if I continued this story as a multi-chaptered friendship fic between Derpy and Pinkie Pie?

PSA

Pinkie Pie is sitting in a rocking chair reading a newspaper. She looks at the wall.

She says, "Read the author's note if you want more cuffins."

Derpy smashes her head through the ceiling.

"Or more mupcakes!" she cries.

Pinkie disapprovingly glances between the rubble on the ground and the new skylight. She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Or more mupcakes..."

Author's Note

I'm on a new account.
Nightcoremoon
I'll be remaking this story on there. I'd give a link if I were less lazy. Check the comments section. Peace.