A Broken Hourglass

by Amaranthine Thought

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Main 6, Drama, Original Character, Other, Adventure, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 13203

Kitty is an enigma. A mystery to everypony, even himself. His past in unknown, his birth is unknown. He seeks to find it, but will he be happy with what he finds? Or will it break him?

It hasn't been very long since Kitty found peace. Only a week ago, he came back to the present. But it went very well. Ponies accepted him, he had a place.

But he didn't have a purpose. He didn't have a reason of being. Ponies have cutie marks, but the giant cat didn't have anything to ground himself.

He didn't really care. The ponies near him grounded him, reminded him of how to act. But is that right?

One event is all it takes for Kitty to learn a new lesson. And in his learning, Celestia receives a question that she never had to answer before.

Is it right for something not a pony to become just like a pony?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. Does it depend on the creature? Does it depend on what is known and unknown? Or is it something simple?

Kitty has the real choice to make. Denial of self is only that: denial. True choice means knowing.

And sometimes knowing is enough to break everything that one has worked toward. One bit of knowledge tears apart a reality and remakes it into something new.

Kitty needs to know.

But will he survive it?

Published 2017-09-19 02:00:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-30 13:28:22 UTC

Prologue: the event

“Gently… Gently… There!”

I stop, holding still. Applejack and Macintosh move behind me to unhitch the…

Cart? Not exactly. It is more like a shed on wheels. A shed filled with stuff, and it is remarkably heavy to move.

They get it off of me, and I turn to see it again. It is like a small barn, though it is white and half the size of an actual barn. Apparently, it is for the farming material. To help store the more rarely used things the ponies use in the orchard.

Applejack wanted it moved, and I had offered to help them do so. I am strong enough to move it without emptying it after all.

“Good job Kitty.” Applejack says, smiling up at me. I smile back.

“It is nothing.” I say.

“Ya’ll have only bene here fer… what, a week now? It ain’t nothin, it’s a real sign o your… good nature big guy, helpin out so quick and without even askin fer anythin.”

That is true, isn’t it? I have lived with them for only a week.

In that sense I have spent far too much time in the past. Years with Princess Platinum, but only a week with the ponies of the present. I don’t regret it, but sometimes they ask about Mirage’s growth spurts.

She is sixteen now, but these ponies know her as fourteen. Age is hard to keep track of between times, but I take some care to. As does Mirage, considering that she gets confused at times herself.

“I should get back to Mirage.” I say.

“How is… Ma… Mer…”

“Mirage.” I say again, enunciating the name.

“…Mu… how is yer pony doin anyway?” Applejack says, giving up on attempting to pronounce the name.

“Just fine Applejack. She should be assisting Twilight right now.”

“Assistin… ya mean organizin th library?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“Ya better get her a nice gift fer that one big guy.”

“…Why? It is only sorting books. It is not a hard job.”

“…Twilight kin get pretty… she kin take days organizin her books.”

“I am sure that they are done, and that Mirage is, even now, relaxing and waiting for me.”

Applejack still looks uncertain for some reason. Then she sighs. “Alright. Learn th hard way.” she mutters. “Ya’ll take care big guy!”

“I shall.” I say as I take to the air once more.

That makes two. To be specific, out of six bearers, I have helped out two of them. Technically only one of them, considering that I cannot fit inside Twilight’s library. Instead, I ‘loaned’ her Mirage’s aid.

I think that worked. I hope.

It’s only sorting books. It can’t be that bad. I left her hours ago, she must be finished and relaxing by now. Applejack has to be exaggerating.

It isn’t long before I land in Ponyville. The ponies around me scatter, but others from farther away come closer in interest. I suppose I am a bit of a notable pony. Or cat. Or whatever I am.

I head to the library, and listen, hearing little. Then I call, “Mirage?”

After a moment she opens the door. She seems a bit worn and tired, but smiles at… no, she is smirking at me.

“O.K. Twilight!” she yells, and ducks back inside.

I feel a familiar tingle, and after a moment, I blink to find myself shrunk down once again. About the size of a large stallion once again.

I should never have let Princess show Mirage that spell.

I see Twilight beaming with happiness, and I can see Mirage snickering beyond her.

“It worked!”

I sigh and head into the library. “Yes. Yes, it does, but can I know why you have chosen to do so?”

“Party curiosity, and party because Mirage asked me to.” Twilight said.

“Mirage.”

“Come on Kitty, it’s just a little joke... and maybe a bit of revenge for leaving me with Twilight, the crazy mare.”

“Hey!” Twilight yells, and I look around. The library is a disaster, and if anything, it is somehow worse than when I first arrived. What have they been…

Applejack was telling the truth, wasn’t she? I should have… well, there was no way for me to know, but now, I am in mood to apologize to her.

I head over to her and glare. She looks worried, but as she keeps staring at me, Mirage not much smaller than myself, she is struggling not to giggle again.

I sigh once more and glance back at Twilight who is taking far too much interest in my small form.

“How long does this last?” I ask her, and she snaps out of her daze.

“…I’m not actually sure.” she says, “But I suppose it can be somewhere between one to four hours if it behaves the same as other manipulative spells. It doesn’t have a permanent effect at all, but your… physiology is a bit unknown.”

“One to four hours.” I say. Well, Princess can dispel this. Twilight should be more than capable of doing the same. “Can you dispel this right now?”

I do not like that look on her face.

“…Well… not really.”

“What!?”

She startles at my yell. “It’s very experimental and doesn’t have any way for me to get rid of it! You’ll just have to wait for it to wear off on its own!”

I growl a little at her, making her shy. It is infuriating, disorienting, and a little worse:

Princess only uses the spell for… special times.

And I am associating this size with that a little too much right now for my peace of mind. I might be a little angrier than I should have been at her.

“Kitty! Don’t growl at Twilight, I’m the one who convinced her to do it.” Mirage says.

I turn back to her, and she gives me a weak smile at my frown.

“I mean… well… it is kinda funny, seeing you so small. And Twilight has run me ragged! Book here, no, over there, no, I forgot, take it to the attic, wait! Get it back, I want it someplace else!” Mirage says in a bad imitation of Twilight’s voice before she huffs.

“I needed a little laugh and it is a perfectly harmless prank. Right? You’re not mad, right?”

“Twilight?”

“Kitty?” Twilight asks.

“What are you doing...?” Mirage murmurs fearfully.

“Does that spell work on ponies?” I ask, and Mirage blanches a little.

“Kitty, that really isn’t,”

“It might.” Twilight said, and I smirk, hearing the curiosity in her voice. And the slight desire to get back at Mirage for her comments.

“Twilight! Don’t!”

With a sudden glow, and a brief, dwindling yelp, Mirage seemingly vanishes. Then I look down.

She might be the same size as a mouse right now. A really upset mouse, but turnabout is fair play and she knows it.

“Alright, I get it.” she says, flying up to land on my head like she always does. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“And… that wears off in an hour.” Twilight says, coming over to regard the tiny Mirage.

“An hour? Exactly?” I ask.

“Yes. Give or take a few seconds.”

I nod. Carefully. “You are forgiven Twilight. And you are as well Mirage.”

“Let that be a lesson about using Twilight to sate your sense of humor.”

“I’m sorry Kitty.”

“Using Twilight?” Twilight asks with a touch of indignation. I just look over at her and I suspect Mirage is doing the same thing.

“All it took was a suggestion Twilight.” I tell her.

“And it was really easy to convince you to try the spell on Kitty.” Mirage adds.

Twilight blushes a little and looks away.

“It’s just scientific curiosity!” she objects. “You can’t learn if you don’t try, right? I mean, it’s nothing harmful…”

“Only humiliating.” I tell her and she looks honestly regretful now.

“…Sorry Kitty. I should have asked.”

“What’s done is done Twilight. And I hold no anger. Did you learn anything?”

Twilight hesitated, thinking. “Well… You are around the same size as a stallion, and your cat features are harder to make out. You could pass for a stallion… a little too well honestly.” she tells me, whispering the last.

“Twilight, darling, I was just… oh, who is this?”

I freeze. Rarity has just entered, and is staring at me with mild uncertainty.

And this size, I can’t help but notice that she is nigh identical to Princess Platinum. I always noticed the similarities before, but now, she is… and I am…

This is bad. I can already feel the tightening in my wings.

“…I can’t help but notice the similarities between him and Kitty Twilight.” Rarity says. “Who is… Wait a moment…”

“Is that… Mir… age on his head?” she asks, choking a little on the name.

“Yes.” Twilight says. “And that is Kitty. I was using an experimental shrinking spell on the pair of them, and this is the result.”

“I see...” she murmurs, looking me up and down, and gaining a tiny smile. “You know… he is…”

She shakes her head, interrupting herself. “Whatever for Twilight?” she asks, turning back to her.

“Curiosity mostly.”

“Curiosity indeed.” she murmurs as if she doesn’t believe Twilight, staring at me. Then she leans to Twilight and whispers something in her ear.

Twilight turns bright red and Rarity blushes a little herself. I am blushing a little.

Mirage looks between all three of us, and simply says, “I don’t get it; why are you blushing?”

“You don’t have to understand darling, you’re too young yet.” Rarity says, while Twilight actively retreats from the conversation, heading past me. Still as red as a tomato and taking pains not to look at me.

“How long will that last Kitty?” Rarity asks me and I start a little.

“Twilight said one to four hours.” I tell her, my voice distant and a little weak.

“…Why don’t you come by my shop? I have a… customer, yes, who is just about your size, and you would make a wonderful dressmaker’s dummy for my purposes.”

“Yeah! You never get to wear outfits Kitty! Let’s go!”

“Of course.” I say with little to no conscious thought involved. When Rarity smiles, I find it a little harder to think.

This is going to go horribly wrong. I just feel it.

Walking through town was, thankfully, not too bad. Nopony really cared about my new size, and the stares I got were no more than the stares I normally got. And I controlled my wings fairly well.

So, one good thing.

On the other paw, Rarity’s home and shop smells like her. And she uses the same perfume as does Princess, and is far, far too much like her. My wings are stiff, but I manage to keep them on my sides.

So several bad things.

I am nigh hallucinating the crown atop her head already, and I have only just entered.

Mirage flits from my head to fly about the shop. It is surprisingly well decorated. I prefer my cave, but I wouldn’t mind living in a place like this.

“Just this way darling.” Rarity says, and I suppress a shudder and follow her.

Stop it. I am not in the right time nor place. She is not Princess…

She leads me into a small room filled with a few dummies. Some with clothing, some without, and one with the beginning of an outfit.

Rarity picks the half made piece off of the dummy, and carries it over to a work table, covered in thread, cloth, and needles. She set it down, and regards a small paper, covered in markings that I am in no condition to really care about.

Rarity is like a glowing beacon, and I am a stupid moth.

Mirage flits past me and lands on the table, looking around.

“There’s so much!” she says, and Rarity chuckles.

Such a wonderful… stop it.

“Most of it is unfinished darling.”

“But look at it already! I never saw a dress like that! They’re all so pretty!”

“Thank you darling. In fact, why don’t you look around and find one you like? You can have one if you find anything.”

“Really?” Mirage asks with wonder and hope in her voice.

“Really.”

I almost beg her to stay, but that might be worse than anything else. As she leaves, I can only notice that Rarity and I are alone.

Rarity nods to herself and looks over at me.

“Darling, are you listening to me?”

I start again. I must have been…

“Yes.” I tell her.

“Then can you extend your wings, so I can,”

Rarity blinks as I relax my control and my wings pop out on their own. That feels much better now, and great luck;

Rarity seems to have no idea what that means. Her eyes are wide, but blinking, as if she is confused or slightly startled.

She shakes her head, heads over to me, and with a little struggle, gets the outfit on me. It doesn’t fit particularly well, and it chafes, but seeing as how it looks rough and unfinished, perhaps that is what she is trying to fix.

“Just hold still darling. This won’t take too long at all.”

She sets to work, and I try to focus my mind on something else. Before I do or say something regrettable.

Perhaps I should be thinking about the things I can do around Equestria. How to help out in this day and age. I am far freer to be seen and known nowadays at least.

I have grown used to fighting things, getting better at control myself as well. How to best use my fangs and claws to fight. For that matter, I do need to find a good food source.

Maybe that one wood still has boar within it, or I might be able to convince Applejack to give me a cow.

A cow sounds rather,

Her hoof brushes against my side and I tense, badly. I can feel her right next to me, my wing pressing against her, her scent so strong…

If she wasn’t humming, reminding me that she is working, I might have…

“Don’t move darling. I have to pin this.”

I hold perfectly still despite the fire raging in me. She wants to do… something about…

I don’t recall and it doesn’t matter. She asked, and I will hold still for her. For her, I will control myself until she releases me.

I am intently aware of her warmth next to me, and the slight chill of the needle as she works. It is bracing, a reminder of what I should be doing.

But even so, it grows difficult.

I give a soft whine, trying to tell her that I am distressed. A sound she knows.

“…Everything is fine darling, I only touched you. Are you afraid of needles?”

I would impale myself on that tiny piece of metal to reach her right now. I gently move my wing to press against her.

“Don’t move!” she yelps and I freeze again, feeling the needle against my wing’s base.

It is like holding back a river, but I must! She asked, and I shall do so.

For Princess, I would wait a year like this. I might not be able to, but I will give my very best.

Each second seems like an eternity as she keeps working. After a time, she moves to my other side, continuing to hum as she works. Her warmth right there, her scent, right there…

It feels like forever.

But then she gives a little huff, and moves in front of me. She smiles at me, and I see that she has left her crown behind, and has removed her finery.

“Perfect. Simply perfect.” she says, and I swell a little in pride.

“You can relax now.” she tells me.

I do so, relaxing and moving to her. She blinks at my forwardness, but she has asked a lot of me. I do not feel like the normal game of cat and mouse today.

This time, I will initiate it.

I press against her, and purr, deep and loud. My special purr, the one only meant for her. She starts for some reason, but giggles as my purr tickles at her.

“Kitty!” she laughs. She pushes at me weakly, objecting in that ‘I want you to continue’ fashion.

I find my voice gone, but I have always been able to communicate with her through my purr.

I purr louder, and press harder, announcing my intent. With some purpose, I lick at her neck, and she gasps and shudders.

“Kitty!” she whines, and I want to hear more of it.

Then I hear the door open, and I hear Mirage say, “Rarity, I,”

It is like a sudden frigid cold washes over me, and I act faster than I ever had. I leap away from Princess the moment she starts speaking, only to crash into the nearby… dummies.

Dummies? In the castle? Why are there…

A shelf filled with thread and spools tumbles over on top of me, and it all comes back to me.

The pain in my head is nothing to the grip on my heart.

I look up and see Mirage, still tiny and rather confused. I fear what might lie behind me.

I have really messed up. Really badly, and in two really bad ways.

First, Mirage should not be aware of that behavior, nor that purr. She is too young yet, and the purr is only for Princess.

Second. This is not the past, not the castle, and the unicorn behind me is not Princess. Meaning that I just attempted to romance Rarity in her own home. Very strongly.

What that might mean, I wasn’t sure, but I feared it. I don’t really have the strength to turn and see her.

“Found… a…” Mirage trails off as I stare at her. She blinks in confusion.

“Mirage.” I say, my voice a touch strained. Or a lot strained. She is simply staring at me, gently descending as her wing beats becomes slower. The normal reaction to her shock.

Dreading what I might find, but unable to not know, I turn to look at Rarity.

She holds herself perfectly normally, but her eyes are completely unreadable. The only thing I can tell is that she is thinking very hard and very fast. Of what, I do not know.

Then she takes a little breath and seals her emotions behind a wall and looks as if nothing has happened.

“You have found a dress darling?” she asks Mirage, her voice perfectly normal, and perfectly controlled.

“…” Mirage shakes herself and goes back up, recovering slightly. “I did, but what just happened? Kitty was purring and then he just leapt away from you.”

It is all I can do to prevent myself from just breaking down and hiding my face. She heard that. Rarity heard… felt that. I cannot speak at all.

“He was simply happy with my own happiness and you surprised him darling.” Rarity said, coming to my aid. “And he was feeling a touch tense from the needles touching him.”

“Oh… so… everything is fine?”

“Everything is just fine darling. Why don’t you show me the dress you found?” Rarity said, walking past me.

Mirage nods and flies out, and I can’t help but notice the spot where I licked Rarity. I also notice that she is pointedly not looking at me.

…Maybe I could go and bury myself alive just so I never have to remember this day.

“Kitty! Come out!”

I do not respond. And I am not going to.

“Kitty!”

I have returned to my den, slipping out of Rarity’s shop. And I have barricaded myself in the back cavern.

And I am never coming out ever again.

“Kitty! Speak to me!”

The spell hasn’t worn off either, and it has been more than two hours. That makes me a little tense as well; when it does wear off, I need to be in a large area. Like the one I am in right now, so that’s alright.

…Mirage has stopped calling. That’s good.

…I cannot believe that I was so consumed in habit and memory. One sight, one scent, and I was totally lost in time and space. Rarity was enough like Princess for me to somehow mix the two up and forget where and when I was.

And I… It is still humiliating.

She heard the special purr. The important one, the one I don’t give to anypony but Princess. I tickled her with it for Celestia’s sake.

I licked her, in the same way that Princess loves me to lick her.

If Mirage hadn’t come in right then, I would have…

It is mortifying enough to make me hide away. The next few steps would have made me just… go away, and never come back. It also might have meant Mirage would have seen…

Stop thinking about it. It’s bad enough without thinking about how it could have been worse.

I lay amongst the gems scattered in the back of my cave and sigh. Even the sight of those, normally enough to cheer me, is only a touch…

Rarity’s cutie mark is three gems. Now, I am reminded of that everywhere I look.

…I am stupid in more ways than one it seems, but I am not leaving anyway.

I hear Mirage come back, her hooves making a gentle clicking sound on the stone. I don’t say anything; she will understand sooner or later that I want to be alone.

She is spending an oddly long time in silence.

“Kitty?” I finally hear, the voice too familiar and soft.

Rarity!?

“Kitty, you are behind this, aren’t you?”

…

Does it matter?

“…Yes.” I say.

A moment passes.

“I… wanted to talk to you. About what happened.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk about that.

“…I… I think that you’re hiding because you’re embarrassed. Mirage told me that you don’t normally purr that… deeply.” I hear her take a deep breath.

“So I want to apologize.”

“…What?”

“I learned how a pegasus’ wings work from Rainbow years ago. I should have known that yours would work the same way. I even noticed the similarity, but...” she trails off for a moment.

“…I have tormented you. So I am truly, truly sorry for that.”

“…You have nothing to apologize for.” I tell her, sighing. “It is my fault. I should have said no, I should have controlled myself, I,”

“Darling.” she interrupts. “Darling, I saw your uncertainty. I should have had second thoughts, and I…” she gives a large sigh. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“…Lied?”

“There is no customer. I just wanted to… I wanted…”

“Darling, I don’t really know how to tell you this like a lady, but you are very… attractive when you’re pony sized.”

I am speechless.

“The… strength and… that look in your eyes, those pointed teeth, that muscular form and the mane, it all just…”

“I know Twilight was stunned by the sight. I certainly was, and I wanted to really get to know you better. And not intellectually either.”

“So I lied about having a customer, and since I’m being honest anyway…”

“I… might have… kinda, sorta…” she takes another deep breath, “been enjoying your reaction and doing everything I could to get you more excited and drawing out everything, so I’m the one at fault here, alright?” she says quickly. I can barely imagine the blush on her face, and the bravery that must have taken is...

“…Rarity…” I got up, and with a deep breath, removed the rocks in the way. I stepped out and looked at Rarity who was sitting down, blushing and worried, and pressing her front hooves together.

She looked at me with a weak smile.

“...Rarity… I… We are at fault here.” I tell her.

“Darling, I told you,”

“No. I will not accept that. We both set ourselves down this path, and we both led the other to this. I should have stopped it, you should have stopped it, and neither of us did.”

“I can only count myself lucky that Mirage stopped it when she did.”

Rarity looks very unsure still. “…I… I’m sorry Kitty.”

“You are forgiven. I am sorry as well.”

She manages to give me a real smile that time. “I forgive you.” She gets to her hooves, and hesitates a moment. I am hesitating, wondering if I should…

…To the sun with it. She already heard my special purr. And I want to know.

“…You really think me attractive?” I ask, and she starts, blushing a little.

“…Yes darling. I already told you that.”

“…You know… you look like Princess Platinum.” I tell her.

“Oh? Is that flattery?”

“She is perfect. And in… too many ways, you are just like her.”

She cocks her head in slight confusion. “Too many ways darling?”

I can do this. I already don’t have many secrets, and Rarity deserves to know.

“…Princess Platinum and I are… a couple.” I say, and Rarity blinks.

“She is the one who came up with the spell to shrink me, and it is… We meet fairly often. And she inspires the special purr, and I… we…”

I stop myself, blushing, and Rarity is slightly stunned.

“And you are just like her.” I finish.

“…darling… I… I never even imagined…”

She thinks for a moment, and then nods. “…Can I ask something?”

I nod.

“…Was it only memory that had you purring… or was it me?” she asks, looking at me.

…

“…I think that… it was memory, but that is not to say that… that you couldn’t… couldn’t deserve that purr.”

Rarity nods slowly. “We have only known one another for less than a day.” She tells me softly, and I nod.

“And perhaps… perhaps… no.” she lowers her head. “It isn’t right. You already have somepony, even if that somepony is… not here. I just have to accept that.”

“Rarity…”

“…May I just… hug you? For… for…”

I move to press against her, and she gasps. She stares at me and I smile at her. She relaxes, and then carefully grabs onto me, holding me.

“… I am sorry Kitty.”

“I know. I am as well.”

“… It… oh, ponyfeathers.”

She looks at me again with a slight determination.

“I want to get to know you better, the right way.” She tells me. “Meeting and talking and being friends. I want to… to deserve that purr one day.”

“That is acceptable.” I tell her.

“But… just one last time… can… can I hear it again? Feel it one more time?”

…

Ponyfeathers.

I nod, and she grips me a little tighter, waiting. It takes me a moment, but I… she really wants this. It would just be one last time. One last time, and then, it would be normal again. It isn’t so hard a thing to grant her.

I purr, and she giggles at the sensation of it as I rumble. She sighs, nuzzling into my side, and I close my own eyes, just enjoying her embrace. After a few moments, I don’t have to strive to purr.

“…One day… one day, this will be mine.” she whispers, quietly enough that I am fairly sure that I wasn’t meant to hear it.

I don’t comment. Maybe…

Maybe one day it will. Just not today. Not anytime soon either... or…

…

Is it cheating to have two partners separated by time? Princess is long dead now, and Rarity is not existent in Princess’ time, so…

Something to ponder I think.

I slow and stop, and Rarity gets to her hooves. She smiles at me and I smile back.

“That was… wonderful Kitty.” she tells me.

“I enjoyed it as well.” I tell her.

“…Why don’t we meet again tomor…” she pauses, and one ear twitches.

Then she looks at the cave entrance, as I do the same. And we both freeze.

Mirage is in the front, mouth gaping open and eyes huge. Just behind her, with entirely different expressions, are the other bearers.

Twilight is bright red and is unable to tear her gaze away. Pinkie has a massive grin, for what reason I never want to know. Fluttershy just has a blank look about her, Rainbow is blinking, but is rapidly smiling, far too much like Pinkie is. And Applejack has this… frozen look about her, much like Fluttershy.

“…I… um… it is completely… I…” Rarity stutters, trying and failing to find some easy explanation.

I find an easier way to handle it. And why not be generous while I’m at it?

With a simple motion, I grab onto Rarity, and duck back into the back cave, and bury the entrance before any of them have a chance to react.

“Kitty!” Mirage yells. “Not again!”

“Rarity! What happened, I have to know!” Rainbow yells, and I can hear her, and the rest of them, on the far side of the rocks.

“What th hay happened!?”

“Maybe we should leave them alone…”

“Come on! Juicy details!”

“What is a juicy detail?”

“Rainbow, Mirage is right there!”

“Oh, right sorry. But she wants to know too.”

“Rainbow!”

I look over at Rarity who gives me a thankful smile.

“How long do you think they’ll be there?” I ask her, speaking over the ongoing yelling.

“I think that you are going to have to dig a new way out of this cave Kitty.” She tells me.

I nod, and sigh.

One week, barely knowing any of them. One day, trying to find out more, and offering my aid.

And less than three hours, and now I am hiding from them all.

Sometimes, life just doesn’t…

Rarity yelps as I grow abruptly, knocking her over.

“Kitty!” she yells, before we both notice the sudden silence on the far side. As if an entire group of ponies is being very, very quiet so they can hear.

“I can’t hear anything.” I heard, whispered, but still audible in the sudden silence.

“I heard a yell.”

“…Kitty!?”

…

Well, they can sit there and wait and wonder. I’m not coming out until I am ready to look at those faces again.

…Maybe I can spend a week or two in the past, where I won’t get ponies staring at me like that.

…I can probably snatch Mirage with a time stop, and escape before they come after me.

I roar, and rush, smashing the wall, and grabbing onto Mirage.

She can barely gasp before I roar, and with a faint blur, the cave is empty once more, the rocks missing from their place, and Mirage looks at me.

“Kitty?”

“I am… Princess is going to explain any question you have, but first things first:”

“If you ever, ever tell anypony else about this day, I am going to tell them all about how you wet the bed.”

“That was once!” she yells, blushing hard. “One time!”

“Do you understand?” I ask, staring at her.

She huffs at me. “Yes. I understand. Secret forever and all that.”

“Good.” I say, relaxing. Mirage relaxes as well, and thinks.

“What about Rarity?” she asks me, and I groan. I forgot her.

…I’ll make it up to her. Somehow.

One stupid week, and one stupid day, and already I am fleeing form the present.

At this rate I’ll end up asking Celestia to stone me again after a month. I have to get it together, and stop messing up so badly.

later on though. Not now.

Now, I get to recover, and relax. And then I’ll face my actions, and douse the fires of gossip. And maybe get Rarity some flowers, wait, no, no flowers. I will apologize, and fail to do anything that might suggest something.

…

Maybe I’ll go back a little sooner. Look them in the eyes and tell them that nothing happened, and that they were all imagining things. Be a stallion, and be brave even in the face of Pinkie’s grin.

…

I never should have ran.

I steel myself, take another breath, and roar once more.

The letter

Princess Celestia,

It has been a week since those events detailed above. And I feel fine.

Rarity was upset with me, but considering the situation I had left her in, that was perfectly fine. I apologized, and she accepted that.

Mirage kept her secret, and Applejack only gave me a funny look, asked me if I wanted to say something and then seemed to forget about it. Fluttershy was already pretending like nothing happened, and Twilight had only needed a gentle word.

And after I pinned them both to the ground and screamed at them, Pinkie and Rainbow has stopped doing whatever it was they thought they were doing.

I learned a lot about them all. In a way I never anticipated doing, but still.

I suppose that trust is the first key to true friendship. Being able to share the… embarrassing events in one’s life with those whom you trust. I had worried, but even Rainbow and Pinkie haven’t said anything to anypony else.

One horrible event has strengthened my faith in them all. One mistake, and I know them a little better, and they know me a little better.

We suffer, but then, it gets better. Stronger. I have more faith in them now. I am more willing to tell them about myself now, and they are reciprocating.

I learned a lesson that day, and the days that followed it.

In case you were wondering, it was Twilight who suggested I send this letter to you. It was a challenge to write, but she is right;

If I cannot trust the alicorn of the sun, then I cannot trust anypony.

Kitty. Your giant winged cat

Celestia looked at the rest of the note. Possibly the largest note she had ever received.

She could easily imagine Kitty insisting to put everything within it. All of the details, nothing left out. He was learning, which was good, but… he was, every day, becoming a little more set in his way.

He was set to become just like a pony. Thinking no differently than anypony else. But he wasn’t a pony.

He didn’t have a past, or a purpose built into him like they were. He was lost, and following what was nearest to him. So the question arose:

Is it right for something not a pony to become just like a pony?

Was it right for her to allow that? To simply allow Kitty to become something that he wasn’t born to be?

To allow him to continue choosing his path in total ignorance of his birth? Without knowing his own past?

She wasn’t fully sure. She talked to Luna about it, and hearing her opinion. Even looking farther, to ask the emissary from the griffons and the minotaur the question. Asking ponies that were known for thinking, even asking in some strange and unusual places. She received many an answer, most different, but they all had one solid value.

Everyone should know where they have come from. No matter what it is they become or do, all should know of their past.

So, a month after Kitty had arrived, she penned a reply. Just a short note. Just two sentences in fact. She sent it off, and watched it go.

She still didn’t have an answer.

She could only hope that Kitty could find one for himself.

The Return

It hurts like nothing else. But I must.

I leave the letter behind. There is no point in bringing that with me. With some care, I write a letter in the floor, one to anypony who comes, and another to Mirage.

…

She should be aware of my fears. And I should do my best to allow her to accept this.

Eventually, she will…

…

I must. I can’t stop. I have to.

Mirage will endure without me.

Even apart, we are bonded. Even so far, I will never forget her, nor cease to care for her.

And she will never forget me, nor cease to care for me.

The sun is setting as I leave my den. With a moment of thought, I recall where I had awoke, and take to the air to find it.

Someplace in the Everfree is where I woke. A little clearing free from any danger normally found in the wood. That shall be my first stop. Perhaps some clue will remain, and give me a direction to travel.

If not…

I do seem adapted to a hot climate. If the forest has nothing, I will need to travel to the desert. Maybe I’ll find some hint in the sands, some clue as to where my kind is adapted to live within. Some hint from instincts.

But the forest is first. Maybe the answer was always there and I just failed to recognize it.

I have searched for hours. The Everfree is too changed. A thousand years have passed, I am not sure if the clearing is still there.

I can’t even find a clearing. But I keep going.

The Everfree is massive, and the low light makes it hard to see very far. I haven’t seen much at all. I might as well keep going until Celestia raises the sun once again.

…

I wonder why she asked those questions. They seem a touch… deliberate.

Almost as if she somehow knew what I might be thinking. As if she knew what to say to push me to this point.

Unable to face the voice of my past any longer. Pushed enough to leave Mirage. What was she thinking? Why ask those things?

The timing might have just been coincidence, but the questions…

Where did she ask them from? Curiosity? No, she would have asked before. But then what?

…

Maybe I’ll go and ask her.

Maybe all this is, is me looking too hard at something innocent.

I just spent too long a time alone, and I got to brooding again. Mirage was apart from me for a long time. She normally is never far from my side and it must have affected me more than I was aware of.

Celestia was pondering me in her own way, and decided to ask me two simple questions. She sent a letter, because she’s a very busy pony, and it just happened to coincide with the peak of my worthless concerns.

And I took all of my little fears and worries and built them into something huge. Like being afraid of my own shadow, I leapt to try to fight it.

But there isn’t anything there, and I’m being ridiculous.

My past isn’t important. Where I came from, what I am, it isn’t important.

Who am I?

I’m Kitty. The Kitty who helps Twilight learn about the past. The Kitty who helps Applejack around the farm. The Kitty who laughs with Pinkie and gives Rainbow a bit of help working out. The Kitty who Fluttershy adores to brush the mane of.

The Kitty who Rarity is attempting to woo, and I am still not sure how to approach that, but still.

I’m the giant winged cat of Equestria. I’m unique and unknown.

And I won’t have it any other way.

I turn to head back. Thinking about what I’m going to tell to Mirage.

It’s really late. She has certainly found my letter, which, in hindsight, I am really regretting.

I must have scared her silly.

How shall I make it up to her?

Perhaps I can…

…

Is that a light?

A light, and a clearing down below, lit by that light.

I move closer and…

It’s the same place.

I land in a clearing lit by the sun despite there being no sun anyplace else, and it is exactly the same. Every plant, the same, the grass, the same, the light, the same.

This is where I woke.

But how?

How is this possible?

…

I hear something.

Something so distant. Something so vague and soft that it is almost inaudible despite the unnatural silence that surrounds me.

I listen hard, and close my eyes. A warm, hot breeze ruffles my mane.

“Please! Hear this!” It cries, the voice filled with hope, and fear.

…

“He has to be there! I know he is!” A great desperation that it be heard…

“Too long!”

“It has been too long, but he is there!”

“I know he is!”

“… Make some sound! Let me know!”

“Please!” It grows more desperate. The speaker might be crying…

“Give me my hope back!”

“Come back to me!”

“I need you by my side!”

“Please!”

“Please!”

…

What is this?

That voice, so desperate? The distance that it is coming from?

This clearing that shouldn’t be, the voice I shouldn’t hear?

And why…

Why am I so desperate to answer that cry?

My heat is beating hard. I want… I need to know the speaker. I must answer the call.

Without really thinking about it, I sit and raise my head and roar. Somehow, I know how to be heard.

“I am here!”

“… He’s there!”

“He’s really there!”

“I am here!”

“Come back! Pull yourself to me!”

A power reaches out to me, and I use my own to grab hold of it. It is simple, but difficult. Easy to make the connection, but the distance is unimaginably far.

But with every inch I gain, the need to see her again grows and grows.

“Come back!”

“I am coming! I am coming!”

“Pull!”

I do so, and feel the connection grow taut. It almost snaps, but I heave, and put my all into holding it.

I feel her do the same.

Together, we reach and grab.

Together, we work to bridge the gap.

Together…

But it is still delicate. It is dangerous, but I must try.

I go. I pull again, and fly along that line of power. It is so thin, so delicate, but it holds.

It gives a little, but I don’t allow it to, giving a touch of my vitality to bind it once more. A little more, and I give as much as I can.

It is agony, but I cannot let it break!

“Hurry!” she calls, fearing for me.

“I am coming!” I call back, trying harder. Giving more. All of my power, as much of my life as I dare. It is holding.

I am halfway. It isn’t too far away.

And then it snaps, and I am sent reeling.

“NO!”

Her power snags at me, and I grab onto it, weak. When it broke, it took all of me with it. It snapped at me, and broke a few things.

My memories are cracked.

I spent centuries away from her.

But…

What happened during that time?

Nothing.

Not one image. Not one sound.

Was I in a void? I feel that I wasn’t, but…

Where had I been? What had happened to me? What have I forgotten?

…

That doesn’t matter.

My past isn’t important.

What is important is getting back to her.

I manage to grab hold, and she heaves, trying to pull me herself. I am helpless.

She alone is keeping me from the empty void.

“You. Will. Not. Leave. Me. Again!” she screams, and I feel her dangerously exert herself.

All of her power. As much life as she dares.

It is barely enough. Delicate, but holding. She gives her all, and goes beyond even that. She is using too much of herself.

She might die if this breaks.

I pull as much as I can anymore. It is almost worthless, but I must try. I can’t allow her to sacrifice herself for me. I focus on our bond, and give more of myself.

If this snaps, we die together.

But it won’t snap.

I will see her again.

I will be by her side again.

And nothing is ever going to tear us apart, ever again.

The bond holds this time. I am coming back to her, and it won’t break now.

“I am coming!”

“I am here!” she calls, her voice filled with joy.

“I am coming!”

“I see you my love!”

“Nothing remains to hold us apart!”

“I know! I know! But slow, before you crash!”

“I cannot control it any longer! Move, before I hit you!”

“Then we are truly a pair! I will catch you!”

“So it shall be. I trust in you.”

“I’m ready!”

“Almost!”

“Brace yourself my love!”

I close my eyes as the cords reaches its end. This will hurt.

But she will be there to catch me, and then I will be there to help her stand back up.

A little agony is nothing to what I am gaining.

I arrive, and slam into her, and together, we fly back to crash into the far wall. She tries to take the hit for me, but I try to take the hit.

Together, we hit, and together, we collapse, and together we open our eyes and see each other.

A thousand years apart, and she hasn’t changed a single bit. Her eyes are still the eyes I feel in love with all those years past.

“…My love.” she says, tears in her eyes. “I’ve waited for so long…”

“But I’m back now… Rest, you are hurt.”

“So are you.”

“I can,”

She shakes her head.

“Neither of us can stand now my darling. Let us both rest.”

“…Together again after so long.”

“Never to part.”

I smile and she smiles back. I relax and feel her do the same, our heads nuzzeled close to each other.

Together again after so long…

And I will never leave her again.

Hot…

Burning hot…

It almost feels like I’m right next to a fire. I’m burning up…

There is a pain in me. A… a little void that is slowly filling again. That pain is the same I felt when…

When I followed Kitty.

“Mirage!”

I open my eyes, and wince, the sun too bright.

“Mirage! Thank Celestia.”

“…Twilight?” I manage to say. Why is it so hot?

“You’ve been asleep for a while. Take your time: you’re rather hurt.”

“Hot…”

“Hang on.”

A cold washes over me and dispels some of that burning sensation. A bit more remains, but that seems to come from inside me… Like a tiny candle is in me.

A heat that ever so slowly grows, slowly removing the aching void as it fills me. It’s not bad, but…

What is that?

I move and instantly regret it.

“Careful!” Twilight says, and I manage to see her that time, Twilight swiveling me to not face the sun. “I said you’re hurt!”

“…Ow...”

I spot Fluttershy head over and some of the pain fades. She does something out of my sight and the agony fades again.

I only see a bright blue sky above, and sand below. The sun beats down, burning like nothing I ever felt, and the sand is reflecting that heat back up.

… This is a desert, isn’t it?

“Where is this?” I ask, and Twilight sighs.

“We can’t find out. There isn’t a desert this large that I know of.”

“…How long have I been out?” I ask.

“Three days.”

I sigh. “And what have you learned thus far?”

“…We haven’t found anything but more sand for days, and my magic is fouled up. Rarity can’t even levitate something, and I am hard pressed to keep us all cool.”

“Once Rainbow gets back from her scouting, she’ll cool us off again, but until then, try to put up with that.”

“Why am I so hurt?”

She hesitates, thinking. A little unwilling to tell me for a second before she inhales and takes on a disproving look.

“Because you went rushing through every thorn, bush, and tree in the Everfree trying to reach Kitty. You are really hurt, including a broken wing and too many lacerations to count, and need to hold still.”

…Alright. That was stupid. I admit that.

I would do it again in a second, but it is still stupid.

“And Kitty?” I ask in some hope.

“Scattered readings. The magic is fighting me; I can’t quite tell where he is, and we didn’t arrive with him.”

“Oh…”

…

I feel sad. And hurt. And hot. And sandy.

Those feelings rise to the forefront, and I recall the… the grief and desperation that drove me to what got me hurt in the first place.

Come on, I’m a big girl. Big girls don’t… don’t…

…

I sniffle and then I can’t stop it.

I wail, surprising the group. I can’t hold back my sadness anymore.

I want Kitty. I want to see him again, to hear him again. To land on his back and feel the beat of his big heart. To feel his wing draping over me, to hear his breath as he falls asleep with me right next to him. To look into his big eyes and see the care he has for me again.

I want him to clean me up, and hold me. I want him to be there for me, now, and for a long time still. I want that my life wasn’t torn apart.

The tears won’t stop, and I can’t really control them. I keep sobbing, and sobbing, the bearers trying to calm me, but they can’t.

Only Kitty can.

And he’s not there.

“Kitty!” I scream.

“Mirage, calm down!”

“I want Kitty! KITTY!”

I’m acting like a foal, but I don’t really care. I want him.

I want him back. I want him next to me, and for him to tell me to calm down and that everything is going to be fine. I want him to hold me and help me stop crying…

The bearers are trying, but…

They are tiny little imitations of the real thing. Substitutions when I want the real thing. But I can’t have the real thing.

I continue crying and screaming for him until I cannot scream and cry anymore. The sun has set, and the heat has gone, but I don’t really care.

I feel numb. I feel like I’ve been scoured. My grief has run its course and is finally subsiding.

Not because it healed, but because it cannot hold me forever.

I being to fall asleep, and Twilight, the only one who is still awake gives a little sigh of relief as I do so.

“Good night Mirage. Feel better tomorrow.” is the last thing I hear.

A tiny spark of hope remains. Enough to keep me going. Enough so that, tomorrow, I can stand up and walk on my own.

Kitty is here. Somewhere is this desert is everything I want.

I’m going to find him.

I’m going to bring him back.

I’m going to mend whatever is hurting him.

I’m going to be there for him this time.

I’m never going to be apart from him, ever again.

He’ll never feel so bad that he makes this choice ever again.

I’ll remind him of my love for him every time I am able to. I’ll listen to him more often. I’ll complain about his food a little less. I’ll let him eat meat in front of me. I’ll never complain about being cleaned by him ever again.

I am never, ever, going to take him for granted, ever again…

Repaired, and Broken

I wake, hurt and worn, but recovering. My vitality returns to me, in small parts, but I am recovering well.

I lay still for a moment. Enjoying the warmth of… I know this…

The warmth of Sphera next to me. Her gentle breathing, and slow and soft motion of her body. She is just as weak as I.

I might never be happier. For a thousand years, she searched for me. For a thousand years, she didn’t forget me, didn’t allow our bond to fade. She sought me, until the day she was able to reach and find me once again, and never forgot me.

She nearly killed herself trying to bring me back to her. I would have done the same, but a thousand years…

I can only imagine the love she has for me. I know the love for her, but a thousand years… A thousand years of search, of never giving up. Of living day after day, looking for me…

I can only imagine what she might have suffered.

I open an eye and see her sleeping with me. She is so peaceful, so beautiful. Her fur a soft gold, with little lines of white and brown around her eyes and a large whiter patch on her belly. Her wings are soft, smaller than my own, but fuller, thicker.

I remember her golden eyes and smile. I want to let her rest, but I want to get up, and see my old den.

I am weak, but not that weak. I slowly rise, shifting her so as to not disturb her. I think I succeed, and turn to see my den.

It is as I recall it. It has changed only in the sense that I am larger now. The writings on the wall are worn and sparse, but they are my own. The way the inside is smooth is my own effort. I brought the stone and rock that makes it form mountains far from here. I molded it, a great den, a massive den, a larger den than I should have made.

I was trying to impress Sphera at the time. Even now, with my new size, the den is far larger than we need it to be.

Sphera groans herself, and I see her paw shift to try to grab me. When she doesn’t feel me, her eyes open in an instant of fear, but it is gone the instant she sees me.

She struggles to stand, and I help her to. We both take some notice in the changes of the years, the growth we have both experienced.

She smiles at me as I help her up and looks me over. “You’re bigger now.”

“As are you.”

“Stronger. A little more handsome if that is possible.”

“You are still gentle and caring. And more beautiful, and I know that that is impossible. Perfection has become more perfect to my sight.”

She smiles a little more. “I did miss your silver tongue. For too long, I missed the sight of you, the sound of your voice, the feel of your heart and strength…”

She presses against me.

“A thousand years I waited and searched. A thousand years, I never forgot. Did you?”

I sigh. “I do not remember. My time apart is gone. Lost during my return. But I cannot imagine forgetting you. I would not have heard your cry if I had forgotten. I would not have returned if I had forgotten.”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are back.” she says. “You are back and you are still my Corus. Nothing has changed, and what has is unimportant.”

“Together again. Our bond never broken, no matter how far or how long. Even so far, I never forgot you, nor ceased to love you.”

“And you never forgot me, nor ceased to love me.”

We hold onto one another for a moment. When I attempt to let go, she whispers, “Not yet.” and I wait. For a moment, all there is is the sound of our breathing and the feel of her against me.

Then she lets go and we smile at one another.

“A thousand years is a long time.” I say.

“It is.”

“…Is it truly the same?”

“I am. Your home is. The desert is eternal.”

“And of the others?”

“I avoid them. The healthy youngling that I was, alone? If they saw me and knew, I would have been taken.”

That is, sadly, true. How has she managed to do so though?

“I apologize for not being there for you. But how did you survive? My home is not in a good place for food or water. How did you find what you needed to survive?”

“You have nothing to apologize for my love. And it only once wasn’t a place of bounty.”

“So it has changed.”

“The den has not. The outside has, and by much. I could not prevent that.”

“If anything has harmed you, I will see it unmade.”

“It is not harmful. Only strange.”

“What has changed?”

“Humans have come, and I have talked with them. Made a deal with them. We work together to survive and be safe.”

Humans. The tiny strange beings of the desert. When I was younger, I was always told to avoid large groups. They are dangerous, and often surprising. So tiny and weak, and yet, a rare few are very strong, stronger than any of my kind...

Stronger than any androlion.

But they do not speak. Not in our tongue. How did Sphera communicate with them?

“How did you make such a deal?”

“I was hungry most times. I tried not to go far, lest a male see me. I tried, but I was always hungry or eating the armored scorpions and plated scuttlers. I only went for water at night, and it was too often that I had to avoid the males. I suffered greatly for those first years.”

“And then, by chance or fate, a human found me. Just one, lost and blind. He stumbled into the den, unable to see. Born without sight. He actually touched me, and thought I was a camel.”

“I was hungry, but I took pity on him. I let him stay next to me, and the next morning, let him leave. I pushed him outside, and left him.”

“The next day, he came back with food. More humans, and gifts of food. I ate that, and allowed them to go and leave in exchange.”

“They stayed nearby. I ate what would have threatened them, and they kept on giving me food. Good food. Over time, more humans came, and then I didn’t have to eat the bad things. I only had to kill them.”

“And when I left them behind, the humans would go and gather it, and make things from it. They became strong from the animals I killed.”

“They made a place of water somehow. They are raising cattle for me to eat. When a male attempted to take me, they drove him away for me. They helped me to live in comfort.”

“I do not want you to become afraid of them, or hurt them when you see them. They have been outside for a very long time, and are a good thing. Not a bad one.”

“Without them, I would never have found you again.”

I am not sure what to do or say. I do not like humans. It was a human that banished me in the first place. Sphera sees my uncertainty and giggles.

“Let me introduce you to them Corus. I promise, you will find them likeable. And even fascinating.”

She moves to the exit and looks back at me. I am still unsure, but follow after her.

We exit out into the desert sun and I am amazed.

I built the den with my own paws. Finding and moving rocks, shaping rocks into the shape it is now. But I am strong, and can do that. I can carry stone far, and stack them high.

I see that humans have somehow done the same, in a far tinier way. Little dens, fit for their size. But how did they, so small and weak, move and make such things?

There are hundreds of them. Little square stones to the direct left of the entry to my den. Tiny dens. Lots of humans move about, and I see green where there once wasn’t, and fat cattle where there shouldn’t be.

How is this possible?

Sphera smiles at my stun and laughs. A few humans walk over, and talk in their odd tongue. And she replies in the same way, still laughing.

“Do you see? Look at them!” she says, bumping into me to dispel my freeze. “See what they build and do! All those little wonders! They work together to accomplish much, but even one is capable of surprising things.”

“But… how?”

“I do not know. They call it ‘being human’ and I think that they do not know. But what do you think of them?”

“…Amazing. Fantastic. It is like a dream, but it stands before me. And they are not threatening you? At all?”

“No! They helped me so much. And now, they want to give you a feast!”

I am stunned again and she laughs.

“They call me ‘sand mother’. And you are ‘sand father’. If you look, they make little statues of us. I sometimes catch them whispering to me when I am not there. Talking to the statues, or coming to me to ask for wisdom or my blessing.”

“I have lived with them for centuries. They want to help me, they want to give me food and treasures. I keep them safe and the keep me safe. They are so kind to me, and I know that they will show you the same kindness.”

“And I want you to be kind to them in return.”

I shake my head in wonder. “I never imagined such from them. I could never have ever dreamed that they could build such things. That they could find water in this place, that they would willingly help.”

“And now, there is an entire ‘city’ outside my den. A hundred ‘homes’ and more.”

Sphera looks at me oddly. “What did you say?”

I am unsure what she means. “They have made a ‘city’.” I repeat, and that time, I notice it as well.

‘City’ is not a word in my language. It is something from something else that I know.

“What is… that sound?” she asks me. “It sounds as if you cough in a way.”

“I… I do not know.” I tell her. “It… comes to me without my knowledge of it.”

“’City’. ‘Houses, a town’. ‘Roads, shops and libraries’. ‘Pastures and livestock, gardens and craftwork.’” I say. It comes so easily to me, I know every word, but what are they? The sounds so odd? The sounds I know, but do not have explanation for?

Sphera looks confused and slightly worried.

I sigh. “Perhaps it is just an oddity from my banishment. Just like you speak with the humans, I must have learned some other language as well.”

She blinks and recovers. “You met something else that speaks?”

“I… I must have. But I do not recall.”

“What do those sounds mean?”

“…Do the humans have words to describe their dens and places and things?”

“Yes.”

“They are words that mean the same thing. Den is ‘home’ a den is ‘a house’. Perhaps I met humans.”

“That is not their language.”

“I do not know. The answer is forgotten.”

“…Are you alright Corus?” she asks me, concerned. “You have forgotten, but something has happened to you. And I fear what that may bring.”

I shake my head and move next to her, allowing her to lean on me. “It brings nothing. It is only knowledge. It is not harmful or hurtful. However I learned it, it matters not.”

“I’m never going to leave you again.”

“Corus…”

“I am never going to let humans be your protector. I’m back now. And I can care for you, like I should have been.”

I keep holding her, watching the humans. As the sun sets and darkness comes, they light little fires. ‘Torches’ I know them as. It gives the entire ‘city’ or maybe ‘town’ a flickering light that looks beautiful.

It is familiar for some reason.

Sphera looks even better in that light as she leans against me, content as my wing drapes over her back and her wing drapes on my own back in return.

A few humans come over, with two dead cows, and leave them near us. A large group is gathering nearby. Not too closely, giving us space to ourselves.

“They say ‘this is our gift to the sand father’.” Sphera says, not moving from my side at first. She slowly supports herself again, almost unwillingly, and looks at me.

“They want to hear your roar.”

“Why?”

“To them, it is special. Something not heard often, and something that I am bad at. My roar is weak and female. They want strength in a roar. They want to know that you are strong.”

“Then I shall grant them that.” I think for a moment, and then add, “Roar with me Sphera.”

She blushes slightly. “They are all looking Corus.”

“Do they understand the meaning?”

“…No.”

“Then does it truly matter? Let us renew our promise tonight. In this place, made by the both of us.”

She sighs as I grin.

“Alright. Together.” she says, blushing faintly.

We both sit upright. We both inhale, and together, our wings touching, we roar.

A matching roar. A roar that announces that we are as one. It is a special kind of roar, one that holds strong meaning. To my slight surprise, the humans yell with us, their voices combining into something like a roar.

Sphera and I are one. We declare that, and the humans… they are likely trying to declare that they live with us. Trying to say something like ‘these are our guardians’ or something of the like.

…

Why am I waiting for ‘my giant winged cat’ to be said?

Why am I waiting for them to crowd me? Why am I waiting to feel something on my head? Why am I waiting for ‘confetti’ and ‘cake’?

Why am I… sad that I do not receive these things?

We slowly stop and I dismiss the feelings. They are strange, but now is not the time.

I look and see Sphera, blushing and smiling. She looks at me, and I smile at her, her beauty only perfected by the ‘torchlight’.

“That was… I missed you so much my love.” she tells me.

I smile more. “I know that I did the same.” I look around, and think. “Are they waiting for something?”

“They are celebrating. And given us the best of the cattle. Go back into our den, and rest darling. You need to recover yet.”

“As do you. And I will not rest until you do.”

She frowns for a second and then laughs. “Eat your cow, and then we shall sleep. At the same time.”

I laugh and she bats me with her wing, laughing as I do.

The cow is delicious.

And somehow familiar.

The desert seems endless. Endlessly hot, until the sun sets, in which case it becomes very cold for some stupid reason. Twilight has an explanation, but it has big words and I don’t care.

I hate the desert already, and it’s only been a day. If Twilight wasn't capable of summoning water, we would all be... It might have been very bad, and even so, it had been bad. It would be much worse if we hadn’t found a tiny lake. Water and some food, if you can call it that.

I’m feeling sad as I eat it. It’s the same quality of food Kitty brings me.

I miss him.

Rainbow makes a disgusted sound, but swallows it anyway.

“I don’t get it.” she says. “It’s either dry and crunchy, or wet and tough. And always disgusting.”

“Desert flora requires certain traits to survive that, unfortunately, make them rather distasteful.” Twilight says. “But they are food, and we didn’t bring any with us. So keep eating and make sure to pack the bags.”

The bags are Fluttershy’s creation. Palm leaves that she and Rarity have somehow stitched together into sacks.

“Can’t say th stuff’ll go fast. It’s sorta like trail rations; it keeps ya goin, but not cause yer eatin it. It’s cause ya wanna eat anythin else, like yer own hat. This reed is like an apple that went an turned inta a raisen. An it’s all stem.”

“Twilight?” I ask, having already finished my meal.

“…You ate yours already?” she asks. A few of the others glance over. None of the bearers have finished their reeds and big fern leaf.

“Yeah, but have you found Kitty again?”

“I think I’m getting closer, but not yet.”

“How is she eating this?” Rarity asks Fluttershy. Fluttershy just shrugs.

“It’s not that bad.” I tell her.

“Darling… That is just about the same as when Applejack told me that farm boots made a good fashion statement.”

“It wern’t that bad rares.”

“Farm boots! With silk!”

“Do you just swallow it whole?” Rainbow asks, staring at hers.

“It really isn’t that bad.” I say, a touch confused at their behavior.

“Mirage… to be perfectly honest, this leaf is disgusting and the reeds are a touch like sticks.” Twilight says. She looks at the others and then quickly adds, “With good nutritional value and high water content!”

Rarity stares at her leaf for a moment.

“If I happen to faint on the way, I give you all permission to mash up a leaf and make me eat it. But not before that.” she says, and flicks it back into the fern it came from.

“It’s not too different from what Kitty feeds me.” I tell them, and then I stare as all of them get this stunned and mildly pitying look on their faces.

“You poor thing.” Rarity says after a moment.

“Hey! Come on! Kitty does his best and it isn’t that bad! You get used to it!”

“Like gettin used ta th pain ya get when ya break a leg.” Applejack mutters, and I shoot her a glare.

“No!”

“Girls, calm down.” Twilight says. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is making sure that we have enough water and food to keep going for an unknown amount of time.”

“How are we carrying water anyway?” Rainbow asks, and I know that look on Twilight’s face.

That is the ‘I don’t know but I’m not telling you that’ look that Clover gets every now and then.

“We’ll rest here for the next day and make as many preparations as we can.” she says, totally ignoring Rainbow’s question. “Recover from our earlier travel, and gather what we need to make another trip.”

“Twilight,”

“Rainbow! Go and scout around, would you?”

“But,”

“Nocturnal predators might be nearby, and we need to know if they are.”

Rainbow mutters and flies up and away.

“Rarity, do you think you can use palm fronds or ferns to create beds?”

“…I suppose.”

“Fluttershy, help Rairty do that. Applejack, collect more reeds. Pinkie… you get to try and figure out a way to make them taste better.”

“You’re with me Mirage.”

I look around as the others scatter. “What do I do with you?” I ask.

“You get to sit down and tell me what happened.”

“What?”

“You went to Kitty’s den, and came back in a state of near hysteria. You were entirely oblivious to your own physical state during the search. And then you somehow, and I want to emphasize this:”

“You somehow created a portal that carried us an unimaginably massive distance. By yelling. Admittedly, you were amazingly loud, but still.”

“What happened that night Mirage?”

I hesitate, and then sigh.

“I went back to Kitty’s den, and found… two notes.” I say.

“One from Kitty, and the other from Princess Celestia.”

I frown as I recall it. Twilight is curious, and I’m getting upset again. I’m very angry at Celestia for writing that note.

She’s the entire reason that we are in the desert, and why Kitty left me.

“Kitty said that he was leaving to find answers to questions. And he worried that he might never come back, and told me as much in his note. And Celestia…”

I grit my teeth. “She’s the one who made him leave.” I mutter darkly.

Twilight blinks. “…What was her letter?” she asks.

“She asked Kitty where he came from, and who he was. And he… she…”

“She hurt him. She hurt him really badly.” I say, unable to keep the hate out of my voice. “And he decided to leave, to find the answer, and he left me behind, to spare me from his pain.”

“He left me. Because of her. Kitty is… he is everything to me Twilight!”

“I love him like I loved my mom!” I yell, starting to tear up again. “He nearly died trying to care for me, and he felt so bad as to leave me!”

Twilight’s eyes are huge and she takes a step back. “I don’t think that Celestia,”

“That is only because you are a slave to her every hoofstep!” I scream, and Twilight hardens instantly.

“That STUPID, WORTHLESS, ALICORN HURT HIM!”

“The Princess is not worthless, or stupid!” Twilight screams back at me, and we butt heads. Glaring at each other. “She must have been trying to help him!”

“Well, she failed! She messed up and hurt him worse than if she had nearly killed him! And you know what, Twilight!?”

“What!?”

My anger douses in an instant. “I’m at fault.” I say, and turn away from her.

“I allowed him to be hurt. I wasn't there for him.” I whisper, my tears worsening. I think the other bearers are nearby, attracted by our screaming.

“I knew that he had that little injury in him. I knew that, but I never… I could have prevented this.”

“I… I could have saved him.”

“But… I…”

I wipe at my tears, and when I feel somepony touch me, I flinch away from them.

“I need to be alone.” I say, and fly up. I don’t go far. Just to the farthest clump of ferns that I can hide within. I cry within, holding back most of the sound. Biting down on my own hoof.

I only felt this bad one time before.

When mom died.

I was seven. Accident. She was working up high, and happened to fall, and happened to land in just the wrong way.

They say it was instant, but it didn’t really matter to me at the time. I was inconsolable.

I snuck away and spent the whole night on Kitty’s stone back, sobbing. At the time, I was always a little unsure if he was real or not, but that night, he comforted me. He was stone, and cold, but he was… there.

Somepony I could yell and scream at, and not make a single word in return.

Somepony who just let me yell and cry until I was worn and tired.

…

Seven years of being alone. Seven years of the worst time of my life. I hated my life then. If Kitty hadn’t been there for me to go and scream at… for me to give all my pain and sadness to…

Then he broke out. It was rough. It was hard, and painful. We all suffered for a time. But then, it got better. It got so much better.

Those last two years have been the best years of my entire life, even when Mom was alive.

He is my everything. My parent, my caretaker.

My giant winged cat.

My Kitty.

The one who I can trust to be there. To listen to me scream and cry and be a brat and not care. The one who lets me get away with so much.

The one who I care for.

The one I love.

And I failed him. I knew that he was hurting, I knew that he tended to brood if left alone. But I left anyway. I stayed away longer than I ever had.

He was cold and alone and hurting.

I did that to him. Celestia might have stung him, but he was bleeding because of me.

It never would have happened if I had been there. If I had been a better pony to him.

A better daughter to him.

Celestia didn’t drive him away.

I had never been holding on in the first place.

I took him for granted. I just knew that he would always be there. That he would just… know how much I cared for him.

…

Did he ever know?

Did I ever tell him that I loved him?

Was…

Was he just putting up with me for those years?

My complaining about his food. My fight over being cleaned. Telling him to keep the meat elsewhere, and not to eat in front of me. Asking him for endless little favors, treating him like a big child…

Was he just…

Suffering my presence? Putting up with me?

I wasn't there for him.

But was I ever there for him?

I…

…

I don’t deserve to have him back.

I don’t deserve to go looking for him.

Celestia didn’t drive him away.

I did.

This is worse than when mom died. Then, I was just a filly, and had nothing to do with it.

This is my own fault. Kitty is still alive, but…

It is like I killed him.

He was up, working high. Working hard for me, to care for me, the ungrateful brat.

He needed something to hold himself steady.

And I did nothing but shake him. And demand more from him.

He hung on. But he couldn’t forever. He fell.

And he left me.

Because I’m a horrible pony.

Because I’m the worst pony ever. The worst daughter I could have ever been. All I did was take, but I never gave.

I never said ‘thank you’.

I never said ‘please’.

I never said ‘I love you’.

I just took, and took, and took…

Until, one day…

There was nothing left.

I’m hurting. It feels like I’ve been stabbed, but I’m not actually hurt. I’m sobbing, sobbing worse than I ever have, unable to stop, barely able to even breathe. Telling myself to stop.

Because I don’t deserve to cry.

I did this.

This is what I deserve.

To lose him.

To have him leave me.

I deserve his hate. I deserve for him to look at me and growl. To just… suffer.

Because I’ve earned that.

Because I’m a horrible pony. Because I, and not anypony else, hurt him. Because I was the worst daughter, and the worst friend, and the worst pony ever.

I deserve nothing.

But…

But I can’t stop wanting it.

I want to see him again. Even to see him growl and hate me. I want to hold him again, even if he bats me away.

I want to say ‘I’m sorry’. I want to let him know that I know why he left. Too see him, one last time, and hear him, one last time.

And then I’ll leave.

Into the dark. Alone.

Because that is what I deserve.