The Twist

by Crowne Prince

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Caramel, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Doctor Whooves, Main 6
Length: 2756

Short stories to make you rethink Equestria.

Every pony believes they know the facts, but it turns out there's a twist. Short stories to make you rethink Equestria.

Published 2012-07-17 18:44:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-02 16:11:28 UTC

Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian

“Rarity, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” The rainbow-maned pegasus sat with unusual complacency on a rotating stool in the Ponyville botique. An outfit of exceptional taste was pinned loosely around her. The rhythmic whirring of a sewing machine tacked at the air.

“But you have to promise you won’t tell anypony what you’re about to hear. Not just any promise, either,” Rainbow Dash insisted with fervor. “Pinkie Promise!”

“Oh alright. Pinkie Promise.” Rarity managed to make the motions without breaking the flow of sewing. “ It must be something good if it is coming from you of all ponies, Rainbow Dash.”

No sooner had Rarity spoken than her ears were assaulted by a stream of unbelievable words from Rainbow Dash. “I can’t get a coltfriend. Every stallion I’ve ever liked – and then some – flat out reject me, or tease me, or turn away and ignore me, which I don’t get because I’m fun and I’m awesome and I’m fast, so there must be something wrong with me. It must be the way I don’t dress, or the way I look; it must be that I’m ugly, that my hair is too weird-“

“Stop right there!” Rarity’s eyes flashed through her red sewing glasses. She looked directly at her distraught friend. “You are anything but ugly, Rainbow, and any earth pony or unicorn or pegasus who tells you otherwise is quite simply atrocious, or jealous, or both. Ooo, hold still while I adjust this a bit. Anypony should be so lucky to be graced with such stunning and unique colors.

Now,” Rarity continued, regaining her composure. “You had the good taste to come see me for help.” The unicorn’s horn glowed as she lifted the ensemble from Rainbow Dash and replaced it with another. “We shall figure something out before you leave.”

Rainbow Dash held still as a translucent, sparkling purple ribbon weaved itself into the new outfit with a sewing needle hot on its trail. Rarity glanced at it with an expert eye. “Yes, I knew purple was the right choice for that color coat.” A bit of trim pulled itself from a basket and floated in line for the sewing needle.

Rarity flipped her styled mane and turned to her concept board. “Mmm. Have you tried being less forward about your intentions?”

“Yes.”

“How about taking a friendly and charming approach, rather than your usual… sportiness?”

“Yep.”

“Humility?”

Rainbow Dash’s ears drooped. “Uh-huh.” She’d even tried that.

“What we need then is some way to make these ponies realize what they’re missing. Something daring. Something bold.” Rarity’s voice escalated with anticipation. “Something that will shake them out of their hooves. Something… Oh.”

She paused. “Oh my, this is simply genius. Why did I never think of this before?”

“Think of what?” Rainbow Dash asked, somewhat apprehensively.

“Rainbow Dash, why not become a lesbian?”

“Huh? Rarity, were you listening to me at all? I said I was trying to hook up with a stal-“

“Yes, exactly! And don’t get worked up like that, or I’ll stitch you on accident. Hold still.” The needle weaved furiously at the outfit’s trim as Rarity’s mind churned. “Don’t you see, darling? Once the stallions know you are completely out of their reach, why, they’ll go mad for your affections. With your physique and roguish attitude-" Rainbow Dash complained Hey! in the background "-I daresay you will become one of the most eligible mares in all of Equestria!”

And so she did.

Time Turner is a Time Lord

“This is no laughing matter; we have a crisis on our hooves!” The purple unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle stood on the bridge post and looked down at the crowd, of which he appeared to be a member. “I’ve just been visited by my self from the future,” she declared.

Time Turner burst anew into a flight of laughter. The agitated Twilight Sparkle’s friends pushed to the front of the growing herd and did their best to assuage whatever was on the mare’s mind. He stayed long enough to satisfy his own curiosity while the rest of the ponies listened to the librarian's tirade. Time Turner’s services wouldn’t be necessary to disaster-proof Equestria, so he was free to finish his stroll and get back to work.

The earth pony (who, he would say, was ironically the color of the thing his race was named for) was one of those ponies who had a rather niche profession. In this case, it was keeping track of time. Now, while there were certainly ways to earn bits by watching a clock, those instances were, sadly, few. As a result, Time Turner’s job required an awful lot of travelling. All over Equestria he tracked ticking second hooves, eyed hourglasses, and watched sun dials.

When work of this sort was slow, Time Turner took to making and fixing clocks in his small workshop. This was one such time.

The stallion picked meticulously at a tiny object using a magnifying lens and a small screwdriver. (A fascinating contraption, really; it helped earth ponies and pegasi work on things built with unicorn magic.) An assortment of other miniature tools, cogs, and faceplates lay about the workspace, along with a set of blue and lightning-gold paints. Normally he would send completed clocks to a designer for paint and touchup, but this was a special order for a specific purpose.

Unfortunately, the blasted thing had given him plenty of trouble already. The tiny screws slipped in protest every time he tried to turn them into place. He would have to get a better screwdriver from his cabinet to finish the job.

A rapid knock on the door announced a visitor, who revealed herself to be gray pegasus mare. Time Turner looked up from his tinkering. “Why hello there Derpy! Is there something I can do for you? The new town hall clock is still working, I presume?” Not if Derpy had anything to do with it.

“Yes, oh that fine,” Derpy’s misaligned eyes jiggled as she nodded her head. Screams and frightened neighs filtered through the open door behind her. “You really need to come help with something else right now, Time Turner!”

“Please,” the aforementioned stallion waved his hoof, “as I’ve stated before, ‘Timer’ is fine.” It just never seemed to stick with the pegasus that he did not prefer his given name, as it was quite long and unseemly.

“Sure thing Timer,” Derpy said happily. She took a moment to remember what she came for originally. Her snout crinkled up and she tapped her chin. Panicked ponies fled left and right behind her. “Oh yeah, I came to get you because there’s a huge dog running around Ponyville, and Twilight says there’s a big disaster coming, and nopony can figure out what is going to happen, and everyone is talking about time travel, and you need to tell Twilight to go find the time spells in the Star Swirl The Bearded wing in Canterlot!”

“Ah, the Star Swirl The Bearded wing. I believe one of my most finely crafted hourglasses is in that wing. I’m afraid I don’t see where I fit into all of this.” Judging from the speed of the fleeing ponies and the decibels of their screaming, it was nothing that they couldn’t work out for themselves. This was Ponyville, after all.

Derpy waved her hooves in the air like the connection between Timer and the chaos outside was the most obvious thing in the world. “Because you’re a Time Lord, silly!”

“Come again?”

“A Time Lord!”

“A what now?” Perhaps he had heard her wrong. He rubbed an hear to make sure.

“For muffins’ sake! I said a Time Lord!”

“A Time Lord? Oh my, that certainly sounds interesting. It pains me to tell you, Derpy, that though I may specialize in time, I am most certainly not a Lord of any sort.” He found it quite impossible to have such a conversation and focus on the delicate clockwork before him at the same time, so he resolved to simply reorganize some of the things in the shop. Goodness knows he hardly had time for it any other day. Ha! Time.

Derpy’s confusion showed in her eyes. “But I know you are. I mean, if you’re not a Time Lord, well,” she thought for a second, “that’s like saying Rainbow Dash isn’t cool. Or Fluttershy is a tree.” The gray mare’s eyes rolled with about as much sensibility as the words flowing from her mouth.

Timer’s brows furrowed sympathetically to match his smile. “Sorry my friend, but whatever fantastic feat it is you expect me to perform, I really cannot. You know, allons-y and all, but I won’t be of any use out there, unless the big dog outside needs his clock cleaned.”

“Well okay,” Derpy said despondently. Her head drooped. “If you won’t help I’ll just deal with it myself.” She turned and walked slowly out the door.

Honestly, a Time Lord! What a ridiculous notion. It simply wouldn’t do to have ponies running around spreading such rumors about him. Timer sighed and retrieved his better screwdriver from a cabinet drawer.

Of course, it looked nothing like a screwdriver.

There Is An Alternate Dimension

"Luna," Celestia said, "It is a bit odd to say this, but I am bored."

Luna let the parchment and quill sink to the floor. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Why is it that every time you are bored there is some sort of trouble? Are you trying to warn me about something?"

The queenly alicorn chuckled. "No. I'm simply saying if we are to induct Twilight Sparkle as an alicorn, we may as well do so properly."

"So you are trying to warn me, then."

Celestia ignored her night sister's dry comment. "Luna, collect your things and prepare to leave for the Crystal Empire. I think a Princess Summit is in order."

"A Princess..." Luna cocked an eyebrow. "Summit."

~ ~ ~

A week later, the two royal alicorns left Cadence and Twilight's five friends eating a nervous breakfast in the castle's banquet hall.

Luna turned to Celestia. "I am not altogether certain this 'hazing' is a good thing. I have concerns for the yellow one. She seems quite worried about Twilight Sparkle."

"Fluttershy is stronger than she seems."

"And I am still clueless as to how you persuaded Princess Cadence to take part in this."

"You took part," Celestia said with a wink.

"I only did it because I am a much better actor than you are."

Celestia smiled. "Yes, that is probably true. And you were not here when Cadence became a princess. She went through a similar ordeal. How did you think she and Shining Armor met?"

Luna failed to contain her shock. "You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" Her older sister had, after all, just sent a castle guard into the mirror to help Twilight.

"I did explain to Cadence that unless Twilight experienced something new, it would've taken her quite a long time to get used to her wings, let alone wearing a crown. I know my former student. She was probably very self-conscious about her new role."

"Yes, well, I can't imagine that will be an issue after she's spent three days mired in that spell. An entire mirror world, and in such an... imaginative setting. How did you manage to create it so quickly?"

Celestia said, "Practice."

Luna snorted, not bothering with the implications of that. "Still," she said, glancing toward the dining hall. "'Sunset Shimmer?' And even with a sun for a cutie mark. How very subtle of you, sister mine."

A.K. Yearling Is Daring Do

Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie all collapsed onto the floor of the library.

Dash looked around. She could have sworn she was hugging Daring Do and then her friends a few seconds ago. "What happened?"

Lying face down on the floor was a copy of one of the Daring Do books she thought she'd read at least five times, but as she watched, it popped out of existence as if it had never been there at all.

The ponies had been sucked into the enchanted adventure novel several hours ago.

"Gosh you guys are weird sometimes," Spike said, flipping to the next page of Power Ponies: The Electro-Orb.

Caramel Lost the Grass Seeds Again

Winter wrap up, winter wrap up ♫

The lively caramel colt looked over at his friend pushing another snow plow nearby and smiled. The field was very nearly cleared, and they could start planting soon. Thinking about the planting, though, Caramel figured he should eat lunch or something before working any more. His legs were a little shaky from plowing. A lot shaky?

Some pony near the base of the hill shouted, “AVALANCHE!” The ground rumbled roughly as a snow tsunami buried all of their hard work and slid right up to the front of his snowplow.

Everypony groaned. Now they had to start all over again.

Caramel unhitched himself while Big Macintosh came over to stand in for Applejack, who had gone to see about getting the snow melted. The thickset stallion gave a small sigh and said simply, “Might as well get ready fer plantin. Bring out the seeds, Caramel.”

Same as last year, Caramel went to the wooden storehouse at the corner of the property and started loading up the last of the spring seeds into carts. He lost track of time doing the monotonous task. You know, if things were better organized he’d have help, but eventually all of the seeds were ready anyway.

Well, all of the seeds except the grass seeds. Caramel sank to the ground and sat there miserably. “I can’t believe I have to tell the Apple family I lost them again.” He checked around once more just to be sure. The room was clear empty, and grass seeds were nowhere to be found.

Big Macintosh took Caramel straight to Applejack. She was reliable and would know how to solve the problem.

Big Macintosh looked apologetically at Caramel, because it seemed like Applejack was in the middle of some sort of argument. The red Apple tried to get his sister’s attention. “Uh… AJ?” The mare in question rounded on them.

“Oh, good gravy,” she complained. “Caramel lost the grass seeds again, didn’t he.”

“Eeeyup.”

Caramel let out a pitiful, shamed whimper. He hadn’t lost them, per se. It was more like he’d lost track, the same way you lose track of how many glasses of Apple family cider you’ve had.

He’d eaten all of them. They were just so tasty he couldn’t help it!

Your Wings Burn Off 100 Feet Above Cloudsdale Coliseum

It was good to be out in the fresh air again. Luna stood on the observation deck of Canterlot Castle’s tallest tower, looking out over the night-blanketed reaches of Equestria. Everything had changed; nothing had changed. A different castle, a different home, different ponies. How many years would it take to get used to this new world imprinted on the shade of what she once knew?

Empty shops with lights on low mirrored her own white stars in yellow. From the largest mansions to the coziest homes, lights dimmed and darkened as far as she could see whilst ponies went to sleep through the night. Rather than the bitterness and jealousy of her younger years, the midnight mare felt… empty. Long would be the task of ridding the world of the taint left by her darker influences.

She was not alone in her desolation. A familiar sun-sky blue form dotted her sea of stars.

Royal-weary hoofsteps sounded behind her.

“Sister, who is this pegasus that seems so troubled as to be flying at night with such adamant frequency?”

“Ah yes, that is Soarin’, one of the Wonderbolts you love watching so much. He is a restless one,” Celestia mused.

“His ever-seeking spirit troubles me. Is there naught we can do?”

“You needn’t worry about him, Luna," the elder sister said calmly. There was a sincerity there that put Luna at ease, which was no mean feat. "He's certainly met his match, though I'm certain neither of them know it yet.”

The dark princess recognized Celestia’s subtle, but characteristic trouble-making spark. The night-maned moon couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh Tia, what hast thou done this time?”

Celestia winked. “Ponies must be careful lest they fly too close to the sun.”