Princess Celestia likes her sun. Someponies call it as a golden orange, rising fiercely in the seas of blue and white.
She thinks differently. Well for starters, obviously her sun cannot be compared to an orange; they are not even the same colour! No, she thinks of her sun as... a pancake. Something she knows well. Something she makes a masterpiece out of. Something she never, ever messes up, not even in the most dire of situations.
If Mr. Ramsay could not find a fault in her cooking, then nopony can.
"Morning Sister. How was the night?"
Princess Luna groggily lifts her head from her breakfast. She stated something quite intelligently.
"And I am glad to hear that. Would you mind taking my masterpiece off from your face, so that I may be able to hear you better?"
Princess Luna lowered her head back down onto her plate. Celestia narrows her eyes at her sister, but soon turns her gaze over to the ever-growing pile of letters delivered half-an-hour ago. Most of them she turns into paper doves with an unfortunate fate of ending up in the trash, but the rest she neatly stacks on the table in order of importance.
Using her hooves to take a bite out of her meal - a technique she learned in her visits to nations without a major focus on magic - she opens the first message. Her eyes widen in delight as she recognises the mare who sent it.
After all, it has been quite some time since her former student has sent a letter to her.
Dear Princess Celestia
I’ll be honest here, I’m not sure if I believe what I’m going to say right now.
I believe that the prophecy of Nightmare Moon’s return in the Predictions and Prophecies book was the biggest hoodwink of all time since that day when the entire Royal Equestrian Guard was convinced that the entire royal family and all the higher order nobles were replaced by changeling drones as a master-plan by Queen Chrysalis herself.
Pinkie says I suffer from PTSD every time I hear the words “Changeling Detection Spell.” How could she of all ponies know such a thing? Either way, I'm just glad you developed a physically non-violation-of-extremely-personal-space method since that day.
Anyway, while the prophecy had been assumed by literally everypony that it foresaw the emergence of the Nightmare and her attempt to rule Equestria in darkness, and while this event did occur on the Summer Sun Celebration, I think I’ve discovered something disturbing over many days of research.
And believe me, I’ve drained the entirety of Pinkie’s stash of emergency coffee to look into this.
I’ll write out the entire prophecy as Spike’s too damn busy playing his silly game with Big Mac. Besides, this will allow me to better demonstrate my line of reasoning.
“The Mare in the Moon, myth from olden pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about night-time eternal!”
So it’s clearly seen who the subject of this prophecy is. “The Mare in the Moon”, “imprisoned in the moon” and “she will bring about night-time eternal!” indicate on Nightmare Moon’s role in this. Unless you know of any other crazed mare who is bent on ruling over Equestria under the light of moon, I highly doubt that the prophecy is describing any other pony.
Hmm… I should ask Discord if he had any nocturnal global conquests in mind.
No wait, he’s not banished to the moon. Yet. I wonder how much magical energy is required to send someone a one-way trip over there. I’m sure you would have quite the first-hoof experience. Failing that, I could easily design an experiment to test my hypothesis. Regardless, I’ll make a reminder to remind myself to make sure I’ll remember to visit you and question further on that. That would make quite the lunatic conversation.
Moving on…
The line where it points out the requirement of the threat to have been “defeated by the Elements of Harmony” suggests it has been dealt with it in the past. Obviously, if it does refer to Nightmare Moon, then the prophecy merely points out your usage of the Elements of Harmony to banish her to the moon.
So now that I have stated the outlines of the prophecy, I’ll discuss on the main issue that I have found with it.
I don’t mean to be condescending to you in any way, but recent discoveries made in the Royal Astronomy Branch of the Higher Magics Order reveal an inconsistency with the calendar system.
Basically, you’ve made a mistake.
Please don’t banish me. I still haven’t finished reading Hooflysses.
Now that we have… cleared that matter, although the lunar system of moons is used often to describe a length of time, our definition of the year rests within the sun and its journey across the sky. I’m absolutely certain that you exercise great control over it. However, while our calendar length comprises for 365 days, observations of your sun reveal that the length of a year – as observed from the Zebra territories – lasts for roughly 365 and a quarter days.
Some ponies have suggested more accurate answers using methods found in Gregorihoof’s experimental theorems on equinoxal shifts, but these will have to be ironed out at a later date.
You may now be wondering how this would affect the prophecy. Well, you probably know this issue anyway, and have a valid reason to explain it, but the question that needs to be raised is whether the thousand years referred to represents our calendar years or the true solar year. In a recent foray into Star Swirl’s private study, I have discovered the original manuscript which had formed the basis of the Predictions and Prophecies book. Analysing the magical signature of the script – something that Rarity suggested after she pointed out the writing was too eloquent to be hoof-written – reveals the date of inscription to have been roughly over half a millennium ago.
Another thing which I have discovered from Rarity’s observations is that the stallion who made the prophecy couldn’t have been under the influence of alcohol. Such a shame that I had not realised this before asking Applejack and her family about the origins of their alcoholic beverages.
I think I still have nightmares from the pink pony on the journey to Goldie Delicious. She purposefully led us down through the depths of goddamn Tartarus just to show what it was like the first time they made the trip.
But that would be quite a story to tell at another time. Perhaps when I meet with you to discuss on magical moon trips.
Similarly, I highly doubt that the prophecy maker was under the influence of spells, or substances of a psychotic nature. These methods leave behind distinct magical residues, and a rudimentary scan assisted by Zecora – for her knowledge on exotic arcanics – turned up negative for such energies. It will take a few moons to receive confirmation from the specialised labs in their experimental validations, but I believe that I am correct in my hypothesis. As for the psychotic substance testing…
I think it’s best to not tell you who a certain Pegasus might know in her circle of friends.
This left me with only one other option: That the prophecy was a true prophecy – one that came in some sort of vision or a certain future sight. Evidence yielded from the Magically Induced Neurotic Dreamscape branch of Alternative Advanced Arcanics indicate that Star Swirl himself had possessed this innate ability–
(In truth, it would explain some of the more outlandish predictions; one of them describing a mare ‘giving in to madness’ to fix a decoupling aether field! I mean, that’s the crazy stuff that science-fiction writers come up with!)
–but regardless of whoever authored the prophecy, they must have done so knowingly and willingly. Thus, the ‘thousand years’ statement could have a basis on our true solar year, and not the common calendar year almost everypony knows, whether he or she be drunken, drugged, spelled and/or sober.
If this were to be true, then my calculations indicate that the Summer Sun Celebration on the day foretold by the prophecy was off by 250 days. Normally, this would have meant that the event should have been off by 250 days, but the fact that you simply forced the sun to have taken a longer journey on the wrong date had reset the clock, extending the prophecy to a year.
I would tell you the specific number down to a few significant figures, but I cannot seem to be able to convince Spike to write the simple number on the parchment, now that he is willing to act as the ~~pitiful slave that he is meant to be~~ scribe.
I have tried it myself, but after 21 torn pieces of paper I believe it simply isn’t possible to fit all of those significant figures on one letter.
Needless to say, it took a week for Spike and the girls to calm me down and convince me to come out of the castle. Apparently reading Hooflysses and foregoing the need to eat and sleep somehow necessitated an intervention, despite my alicorn status easily sustaining me for months with no breaks.
I guess someponies just don’t realise how effective stress reading is on a pony’s mind and soul.
But then I realised, or rather Spike blurted out, that you had called for a reform of our calendar system a few hundred years before Luna’s return. The Romarean Calendar system, if I recall correctly.
Actually, Spike never blurted out the intricate history of the evolution of the format of calendars and how they have been influenced by not-so-subtle revolutions and anarchy and–
No, Spike simply complained about finding a room full of these relics of the past in our castle a few days ago.
I cannot even begin to comprehend what the tree of harmony had been doing with a room-full of a few-centuries old calendars, but regardless, I managed to save these historical artefacts before they were sent to the trash.
With this discovery, I ran a few calculations, and that placed the prophecy at an estimate of 3-4 of our current years past the events of Nightmare Moon's return.
So... Uh... We may or may not have a new threat on the horizon.
From Princess Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I’ve released this news to the Magical Assembly of Gratified Individuals Committee, so expect mass panic and hysteria across Equestria within a day or so.
P.P.S. Don't worry, I'll bring the popcorn.
P.P.P.S Heya, this is Pinkie and-
Pinkamena Diane Pie! Give my letter back back you abomination of an anomaly. Wait Spike, the letter hasn't passed the 32nd draft yet! Don't send i-
Princess Luna lifts up her head unsteadily, disturbed from her much needed sleep by a sudden loud cry. Fortunately for her, she did not have a pancake plastered to her face this time. She gazes around and notices numerous scorch marks and burnt bits of breakfast coating the walls and ceiling of the dining hall. She lands her eyes down to her sister, who surprisingly had a calm demeanour surrounding her face.
Or it would have been if it weren’t for the slight twitch of her eyes, the out of place strand on her mane, or the rapid breathing which gave it all away.
Princess Luna lays her head down onto her breakfast again.
Author's Note
"A- a mista-take now have I made..." 
Something something *cough* daybreaker *cough* something
Hello World!
Anyways, had this idea kicking around for a few months and been debating whether to commit writing or not. I'd probably revise this story when I'm not up late at night - or is it early in the morning? Right now I just need to get this up and running so I'd stop procrastinating and do the work instead of being a lazy asshole.
~~I'd probably made a few~~ ah, who am I kidding, I'd have probably made a lot of mistakes - spelling, grammar, narrative, whatever.
If you do see any, I'd appreciate it if you point them out.
EDIT: Minor revisions on the joke-lines on 24.09.17
Princess Celestia does not like her sun. She likes pancakes however. Pancakes are perfect. Her sun is not.
Therefore, she does not like her sun. Q.E.D.
"Sister, are you alright? It has been a few nights since that that morning letter, and yet you still continue to wear down a circle in the carpet each and all night. I hope my neglect for your most delicious pancakes were not the cause of this. If it were-"
"No." How could she still like her sun anymore? Especially since her student, no, ex-student somehow managed to find fault within her perfection that was the sun.
It was the first letter she had sent ever since her coronation, and it was purely mocking her of her sun. The literal representation of who she is. Was.
"No, it is not your fault Luna. Just a mere conundrum I face from Twilight."
"You refer to Princess Twilight Sparkle? But what has she done to result in your disturbed manner?"
Celestia plants her hooves down on the luscious carpet. A carpet which is scorched from the morning's incident a few days ago. She passes over the letter which had been orbiting around her head to Luna. She stands there, eyeing her sister as she awaits for the response.
"I... see," whispered Luna.
Celestia raises her eyebrow in discontent.
"You just 'see'? Do you not realise"- every word spat with icy resent -"what the implications of this is? I am Princess Celestia, the alicorn who controls the sun's path across the sky. The dictionary probably even has a portrait of my face under the literal definition of the word 'Sun'."-
She magics a thick dictionary into existence and flicks to under the letter 'S'
-"Well would you just look at that! It actually does! The sun is as a part of me as I am a part of it. And to think that somehow I have gotten it wrong. Somehow misjudged it. For at least a thousand years no less!"
Her sister blinks at her.
"You know what? Maybe the ponies are right. Maybe the sun is an orange. Maybe I have just been delusional for all this time. Maybe- Oof!" Celestia is struck by a round, colourful piece of fruit before she could continue further.
"Dear sister, was the fact that you made a simple mistake been the cause of your troubles all this time? And they call me the emotional archaic. I am severely disappointed in your actions Celestia. Princess Twilight here has found evidence for a new threat on the horizon. Do you not wish to contact her to discuss further in such matters?"
Celestia isn't focusing on Luna however. She merely observes the orange that had made quite a terrible first impression with her face.
"Oh, we will discuss further on these matters indeed. She has found a fault of mine, so I shall do the same to her. It is only polite, after all to do unto others as they did unto you"
Princess Luna frowned. "What do you mean by this? Were you listening- Urk!"
A round, colourful object makes acquaintances with her face.
"Now, now, let me see. What terrible, horrendous mistakes has she made so far?" Celestia calls forth a crystal journal with her magics. A book which contains a record of her former student's life ever since she started mentoring her. The times when she has succeeded in casting a new advanced spell. The times when she learned a friendship lesson.
The times when she has made an absolute mockery of herself.
Flicking through the book, she scans the pages for nuggets of retribution. The 'Want it, Need it' incident? Her advances towards a certain stallion in the human world? Or perhaps her general neurotic and antisocial behaviour before being sent to Ponyville.
"I have got it Luna! Quick, bring me quill and parchment! We have a letter to write back!"
Luna tenderly rubs her face with a hoof as her glares throw daggers at her sister. Muttering darkly under her breath, she closes her eyes and magics the items as per Celestia's request, albeit requiring a moment's concentration due to the throbbing of her head. She opens her eyes to find her sister already rattling off her message to a parchment enchanted with an ascribing spell.
Screaming incoherent curses in her mind, she struts out of the room. She may as well start her duties in the dream realm now that most ponies would be asleep.
Princess Twilight Sparkle wakes up. However, before she fully raises her head, she remembers a critical detail about the location of her slumber and teleports out onto open area. She waits for the momentary dizziness to pass as she sighs in relief. For she managed to avoid having her forehead cut from that obscene shard of crystal sticking out of the wall, right above her bed.
A shame it had taken her a fortnight to figure it out.
Shaking her head clear of the remaining fogginess, she walks over to the bathroom. While she performs her simple morning routine, she reminisces of the past few days. The time when the entirety of Canterlot's pretentious nobles flocked around not unlike headless chickens while the Guards tried to calm them down. She thoroughly enjoyed watching the events unfold along with Celestia.
Yet, something felt off on the day. Twilight brushes her mane as she frowns. Princess Celestia was not acting like usual self that day.
Maybe it was the buttered popcorn. Yes, that was it. She knew she shouldn't have used orange trimmings to flavour it.
Twilight canters into the dining hall of her castle, following the smell of freshly cooked breakfast. As she makes herself comfortable, Spike walks out of the kitchen, wearing a frilly apron and an oddly-fluffy and white top hat. He balances a semi-circular metallic dome on his arm while the other is behind his back. Quite an impractical and inefficient serving, but regardless...
He coughs eloquently and speaks in a formal air, "Morning, Count Twilight Monsparkle."
"Spike, what's goin-"
He hastily interrupts her. "I present to you an exotic dish for the morning's breakfast; Surprise d'Orange Glacée" He lifts off the silver dome, revealing the meal inside. Twilight frowns.
"It's just a pair of or-"
"And a very important letter for your eyes only, which will take you enough time to read in order for me to go to Sugarcube Corner and get you something that would actually count as breakfast as I totally didn't let Pinkie raid through our stores in exchange for a handful of gems. Got to go now, bye!"
Twilight blinks, but soon disregards the matter and opens the letter which had been slapped into her face.
From Princess Celestia? Oh, it must be about the prophecy!
Twilight squeaks in a god-almighty pitch that would rival Fluttershy's squee as she reads the message.
Although she leaves the oranges be. Prefers pancakes in all honesty.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
I am so glad that you had sent a letter to me. It was simply divine that we could still continue this tradition of ours alive even with your Princess duties running in the way. Surely you must be extremely busy in managing diplomacy with the various nations and treating them with the magic of friendship, instead of wasting your time and effort merely researching an already debated topic, for an extended period of time.
I can assure you that history's finest scholars have poured their entire lives into interpreting these predictions, and they all pointed towards my sister's return a few years ago.
Even then you continue with your own theory, which somehow makes sense yet still points towards me making a thousand-year-and-counting running mistake. I... thank you from the bottom of my heart for noticing my errors, and I will be sure to fix it in the soonest moment. It is not as if the sun is my entire livelihood, a reflection of my perfection as being a Alicorn who literally appears under the definition of the word.
Look it up if you do not believe me.
Now, onto your interesting interpretation.
The theory which you present would have held water, were it not for the fact that the line "the stars will aid in her escape" discredits your entire argument. I believe I speak for both of us when I say that the stars have been observed converging on the moon, allowing Nightmare Moon to gain the power required to make the shift onto Equestrian land.
Still, a prophecy must not be literally taken as truth, so the stars may have meant differently. I completely agree with the fact that prophecy did talk about the Nightmare, so on the account of your theory being true and literally everypony including myself misjudging it - which I should remind you has less chance of happening than my sister actually eating my pancakes instead of wearing it as makeup - my best guess would be that the Nightmare returns to inhabit a different a pony as a host. In this case, the mention of stars would refer to unicorns of a high talent in magic, with a cutie mark related to celestial objects to boot.
Ring any bells?
Actually, I was meaning to ask you a personal question along with this. Consider it an... eye for an eye for the internal crisis you have caused me. I would have regressed into a full soliloquy were it not for my sister.
Do you remember a mare named, 'Moon Dancer?' You know, the pony which you abandoned on her birthday party just to read on a few books. Granted, your course of action led to the reformation of Princess Luna, but ever since then, have you given any consideration to her, or the rest of your Canterlot friends in that matter? The last I've heard of her is that she had become an alcoholic recluse who is filled with spitting jealousy at a certain lavender unicorn.
And to think that as the Princess of Friendship you have failed in one of your first friends...
However, what makes this all the more important is the fact that she fits quite perfectly in the criteria as a host for Nightmare Moon.
Unicorn with an aptitude for magic? Check.
Cutie Mark related to some celestial object? Check.
Filled with resentment and jealousy towards somepony, especially right after the second defeat of Nightmare Moon? Check.
Seems as if we have found our culprit, but you don't have to worry about that. I have released this information to the Higher Magics Order, and I'm sure somepony there is already testing the area for dark arcanical energies. I'll make sure to send you a copy of their reports once they have done with the analysis.
So in any case, rest easy, my dear Twilight. You shouldn't worry about anypony else. Do your duties and we'll do ours.
I look forward talking with you soon on matters other than our roles as princesses.
- Princess Celestia
P.S. If you didn't know already, do not put orange rinds on popcorn. It's a fate worse than death.
Spike runs in distraught with a tinge of fear just as Twilight finishes the letter.
"I'm so, so sorry Twilight. I've been to Sugarcube Corner and all they had was orange-related items and I don't know why they have that, and Pinkie said that her emergency stash of emergency breakfast backup food had just run out, so I thought I might as well get something but I forgot to bring enough bits to buy anything other than more oranges so I'm so sorry and please don't use your princess powers to banish me to Tar- Twilight?" Spike notices Twilight, evidently out of shift with reality from the letter she is reading.
Without glancing up, Twilight asks with a befuddled frown on her face, "Spike, Princess Celestia said something about a mare named 'Moon Dancer'."
Spike takes a few moments to compose himself and consider the question before answering, "Oh, Moon Dancer? She was one of your first friends." After receiving a confused look from Twilight, he continues on, "You do remember who she is, right?"
Twilight places the letter away on the table. She ruffles her chin with her hoof for a few moments. After which she merely shrugs her shoulders at Spike.
"Doesn't ring a bell."
Author's Note
And somewhere in a castle built in the side of a mountain, a white princess cries out, having failed in her quest to gain retribution after losing her entire life to the words of a single pony
And that will be the end of this story. What? Were you expecting some sort of a comedic adventure as Nightmare Moon reappears in the mind of an alcoholic Moon Dancer while Twilight attempts to befriend her as an alternate take on Amending Fences?
Well too bad, 'cos you ain't getting that story from me right now.
Joking aside, I may continue this story but right now it's at a solid ending. Besides, I wanted the format to be based on a letter for each chapter as I develop on my comedy genre, so... that's that.
As always, please point out any mistakes in spelling, grammar and narrative.
- Broken Rose, signing off.
