Writer's Block

by Doctor Disco

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Daring Do
Length: 6317

I don't know why I'm here. I didn't ask to be "Daring Do", and I definitely didn't ask for her voice to be in my head blaming me for everything! Let me just set something straight. I Pinkie Promise by all that is holy, this was all Daring Do's fault!

Hey, I didn't ask for any of this!

I didn't plan for any of this to happen. I didn't die or anything to get to this land filled with talking techni-coloured ponies called Equestria. I have no idea why I'm here, or how I got here. I don't even know where here is!

I just popped into Daring Do's body and now I'm hearing nothing but her yelling at me and blaming me for everything. Let me just set that straight, because you don't know what I know.

I Pinkie Promise by all that is holy, this was all Daring Do's fault!

Published 2017-09-25 07:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-09 03:06:10 UTC

1 - Bad Day

You know, I thought today would’ve been a normal day.

Go to school, nearly fall asleep during some classes, watch my favourite TV shows. Hang out with friends, have fun, do some sports. That sort of thing.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Must’ve been a car crash! I was probably crossing some street without looking both ways before I was run over just as I was leaving school. Or how about slipping and falling? Maybe even getting attacked?

Heh, I wish it were that simple.

Because to be perfectly frank, I had no idea how I went from writing my first real venture into fiction to free-falling through the air.

So yeah, shock value and all that. For a few seconds, I just blinked as I stared at the spinning world around me before I realized why it was spinning in the first place. Flailing my arms and legs, I screamed.

“Gyaaaaaaaaaah!’ I shrieked.

Wait, why did my voice sound higher pitched?

Yeah, dude. You’re here falling to your potential death and the first thing you think is how much higher your voice is. I felt the need to smack myself in the face, but the action was thankfully delayed by the situation at hand.

(What the hay!? Why can’t I move? Did I break something? Did a tranq dart hit me?”)

Oh, and there’s also a voice in the back of my head now too.

Wait.

“What the heeeeeeeeeck!” I shouted into the wind. I then saw the tan furry leg-things that now make up my arms. You know, maybe if this were a normal situation, I might’ve been rational. I might've thought “Hey, look, I’m a pony now!” Obviously, I took it as well as any other person would.

“Holy fricking frack what heck is wrong with my fracking me what the fuuuuuuuuunk?!?”

Oh, fun fact! I don’t swear either.

(Wings! Use your stupid wings!)

There’s that voice again. Maybe I should’ve noticed them earlier, but hey, I was panicking! Almost reflexively, I stretch my new extra appendages without thinking and immediately shoot from a drop to a sharp glide. The pain from the sudden force against the raging wind stung but the adrenaline pumping through my veins dulled the feeling, instead only pushing me to panic more.

“Hooooooooly-!”

(Tilt your wings downward twenty degrees!)

I could feel some sort of resistance as my unfamiliar motor control ended up tilting my wings too far. Going from a drastic descent to an incline, I began to frantically flap my wings.

(What are you doing? I said stretch them out! You don’t need to flap them, make use of the thermals! Gah!)

At this point I had already begun to spiral downward as I followed the instruction yet again. This time, we were close enough to the ground for me to not fear for my life. Little blessings, I suppose.

Unfortunately, we were on a direct crash course with a large tree. With nothing but a pith helmet and this odd amulet thing around my new pony neck, there was nothing I knew about to pull a full-stop midair.

Putting my hooves in front of my face and scrunching, I braced for impact.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

(Buck.)

Kr-krrrRRRAAAAAAACK!

THWUMP!

SNAP!

Krshhhhhhhh…

“Nnnghr… uhhh……”

Darkness.

(What… the… buck… oww…)

My head was pounding like crazy. What didn’t help that fact was that I seemed to be dangling upside down, letting all the blood rush to my head. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I had at least a minor concussion and quite possibly-

“Hssssssssss, aahghgaghgh!” I weakly cried as I tried to move my head and open my eyes.

(Aaaaagh!)

And that voice wasn’t really helping. Was I hallucinating? Or was this voice real?

(I’m as real as the body you’ve stolen, dimwit- agh!)

Wait, you can read my thoughts?

(Of course I can, this is my mind!)

I could almost sense this voice grumbling inwardly at my stupidity and I frowned.

Hey, it works both ways! I’m not stupid.

(I’ll think whatever I want, thank you very much.)

Wait.

“I didn’t steal your body!” I said aloud, the action making my head throb a little more. Even still, the different pitch of voice brought shivers down my (new) spine. I could hear the voice hiss as well before I heard it’s voice echo in my mind.

(Then why are you in control, and I in the backseat? I wasn’t born yesterday, flankhole.)

“Hey, now that’s uncalled for. What did I do to deserve that name?” I may be an idiot, but I knew when someone was using a word as a derogatory term.

(You stole my body!)

I sighed. “Not on purpose!”

(A likely story.)

“Who put a stick up your butt?”

(Nopony. You’re just an annoying prick.)

“You don’t know me. How can you judge me by that basis alone?”

(Easy. The fact that you’re still arguing with me and that you stole my body.)

“Stop saying I stole your body!”

(Not until you admit it!)

“I didn’t steal anything!”

(You keep telling yourself that.)

Scowling, I stopped feeding this cancerous little conversation.

(Hey! Calling me cancerous; that’s just wrong!)

Ignoring the voice, I tried opening my eyes again. This time, I squinted hard before breathing in deeply. I cracked my eyes open the slightest and nearly regretted it. The light still burned. But I couldn’t be a wuss about this. With my head pounding, a voice in the back of my head, and everything feeling wrong and disproportionate with my body, opening my eyes could’ve been one of the easier things.

I adjusted to what light I was letting come through, and I slowly opened them more and more before I finally found that I couldn’t open my eyes any further.

I also saw that my vision was wavy and dancing, causing my to nearly shut my eyes again because of the vertigo.

(You done messed me up a good one.)

Don’t you start.

Since my head was hanging limply, I had to tilt my already sore neck and pulsing head up to see where I was hanging from. The pressure I had felt from my legs was congregating right at my right leg, so I focused on trying to look there first. As my eyes finally, painfully corrected themselves after blinking a few times, I saw that my legs were caught in two crooks of branches. Both sets of branches were bending from the excessive amount of weight that was now me.

Oh, and I didn’t have feet anymore.

Hyperventilating, I began to dart my eyes from hoof to hoof.

(Woah, hey, calm down.)

I didn’t have any more feet! I tried the thought of wiggling my toes but the nerves were simply gone. There weren’t any toes to be wiggled. As my neck began to hurt from the action of trying to stare up at my legs, I made a terrifying assumption.

What about my hands?

My head dropped, relieving some of the tension that was hurting my already sore neck, but what came next was a hundred times worse.

My arms now ended in stubs. Or, to put it in a more correct manner, my new forelegs failed to harbour any five-fingered appendages.

“No… hands…” I whispered. I gulped as my new voice caught up to me yet again. “No feet…” The high-pitched and scratchy tone scared me. And then I remembered that I had wings, and I had used them to stop myself from ending up a horrific splatter on the forest floor. Twisting my head and casting my eyes downward (though I guess it would technically be up since I was upside-down), I saw my wings lying limply against my shirt.

I was a pegasus. A fricking pegasus.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay-

(I swear to Celestia, if you pass out for such a stupid reason in my body, I will murder you.)

“How would you like it if you were suddenly in a different body with no idea why you got there, and a voice shouting and yelling at you in the back of your mind to boot?”

(I’d take it like a mare and deal with it.)

“What do you think I’m doing right now, smart-a?”

(Panicking. Hurting us even more than we already are. Arguing. Wasting time.)

“Shut up.”

(You can’t make me!)

“I’ll think something up. Just you watch!”

(I’m counting on it.)

I growl, putting a hoof to my head. “Ugh, I can’t think properly. I must be going crazy.”

(Well, you’re talking to me, aren’t you?)

“You don’t count!”

(Well, let me introduce myself anyways since you seem to only be referring to me as ‘a voice’ or ‘the voice in the back of your head’.)

I scoff. “Like I need to know your name.”

(Hi, everypony, my name is Daring Do and I am currently indisposed as an entity with no brain has stolen my body.)

I squint my eyes at nothing in particular. “I take offense to that.”

(I don’t care.)

“I also have several questions.”

(Could you save them for when we’re not hanging upside down with a migraine from a tree thirteen feet from the ground?)

Almost as if on cue, a small snap could be heard, before several leaves rustled.

Craning my neck to look up at my entrapped hooves, I noticed the branches now had slight fractures near their bases. I watched as the leaves connected to them calmed.

“Oh no,” I whisper, watching my current supports begin to fail.

(Okay. Here’s the deal. You’re going to need to flap your wings and try and get loose before these branches snap.)

“What?” I squeak with her voice and wince. “How am I supposed to do that!?”

Snap.

(Start with unfurling your wings, how about?)

Shakily, I scrunch my muzzle and concentrate as I focus on my new limbs attached to my back. I tried thinking of how I used them earlier, but I couldn’t quite remember. It was all a little fuzzy. With a grumble, I felt my new wings go from slack to taut, and slowly outward.

With a grin, I opened my mouth to announce that I did it when-

Snap!

(Quick! Begin to flap!)

Blinking, I squinted as I thought ‘Move, wings, move!’. It didn’t do much, as my wings began to move in a stiff manner, pivoting more than flapping.

(You have to relax. Make it feel natural! You won’t be flying anytime soon with such bad form!)

“Give me a break, this is my first time in the history of never that I’ve had wings, much less attempt to fly!”

SNAP.

(You would do well to bucking hurry, idiot.)

I attempted to flap a little more competently, but to no avail. I only ended up with jerky flaps that were still not fast enough to get me nothing more than little pushes of wind.

(You’re worse than a newborn foal.)

“Keep encouraging me,” I said through gritted teeth, “It’s helping a lot.”

(Now now, no need to get sassy. Just keep following what I’ve said before-)

Turns out, the slight jiggles I was causing as I was swinging from my wing flapping was only putting more stress on the already-splintering branches. As I tried one more time, I heard the most haunting sound at that moment.

CRACKA-SNAP!

I sighed as I went limp, knowing it was useless to do anything at this point.

(Whelp, slap a star on your forehead. You tried.)

“Whatever.”

And thus, the branch broke.

As the ground approached, I was able to disentangle myself from the branch I had been lodged with while Daring Do in the back of my mind provided a quick commentary on my incompetence.

(And here we see the wild Idiot, falling to their painful mossy demise. They tried their best in escaping the situation, but ended up failing spectacularly because this particular Idiot had never seen a pair of functioning wings in it’s entire life- hey, is that my pith helmet?)

And just like that, I hit the ground and blacked out. As the world instantly faded around me, I could hear Daring thoughtfully contemplate something.

(Heh, one thing’s for sure. This’ll make for one hell of a book.)

Author's Note

Funnily enough, this idea and sole chapter helped me get through my recent writer's block.

Either way, the title is a clever pun :pinkiesmile: I will be impressed if you can specifically guess why it is in the context of the story.

I'll update when I can.

2 - First Steps

“Nnnngh… dang, that hurts…”

I shifted slightly, finally feeling all the bruises in my little quadrupedal body. I could feel the cricks in my neck as I twisted from side to side, whiplash hurting like crazy. I could feel my forelegs and chest and a lump in my head as they felt swollen and tight. Each spot, each sore point I could feel like it were my very own.

I suppose it was.

Was this ‘Daring Do’ really this weak, or did I just give her a terrible beating?

(You definitely did something with the latter), Daring thought. I could sense her wincing from the pain as much as me. (I could beat up an entire cult before even breaking a sweat.)

And there she was.

With a grunt, I decided to lay there a bit longer, wallowing in my pain and misery. I'm sure Daring would understand, considering the pain I somehow knew we both felt. But that doesn’t mean I couldn't be productive. Flexing some muscles, I began to get a feel for the body I was in.

Everything felt so much different. With no opposable thumbs and a lack of feet, all I had were hooves. I could almost sense myself pulling a muscle within the frog of my hoof, like something I could push or pull. My legs; my hindlegs were just odd, and completely different from a human’s. I could feel them twitch at my thinking of them and…

No.

No no no no no.

(Can you stop shouting in my head? It’s annoying!)

Breaking into a crazed grin, I began to twitch. “Oh-ho-kay. Yeah. This is fine. Absolutely, perfectly, fan-flipping-tastic. Oh yes. I asked for this. I really did.”

(Woah there. You really need to calm down, collect your bearings, and take a breather.)

I grunted as I continued to smile crazily, beginning to stumble around on my four new hooves. Snickering, I swayed from side to side.

(Actually though, you’re starting to scare me. Oh, and if you’re moving, grab my pith helmet!)

One moment, I was just staring at the hat on the ground, next thing you know, I’m wearing it. “Oh yay! Time to go exploring! It’s not like I’m completely out of my mind trying to figure out how I lost my manhood. No way. No, not at all! Haha! Hahaha! It’s all a big joke! Ha!”

(...I’ve heard of the term 'giggle at the ghosties’ before but this is just… I wonder how crazy I look from the outside…)

“Oh yeah! Woo! Let’s march on, not a care in the world. I love this so much! Yeah! Go me-”

Unfortunately, in my madness, I had forgotten that I still wasn’t very skilled in my new motor functions. Additionally, and just as unlucky, I had started walking down a slope. Tripping on a large exposed root from the tree I had fallen from, I yelped and tucked, beginning to roll down the hill.

(Idiot.)

“I knooooooooooow!” I shouted, prolonging the last vowel as I continued down.

Eventually, I slowed to a stop, and I found myself breathing heavily, adrenaline coursing through my veins. I found myself recovering quickly, but I found myself in the same position I had been in when I woke up. There I found myself staring up, the canopy of trees blocking some of the blue blue sky.

(You feeling better yet? Done beating me up?)

I nodded my head and mumbled something incoherent. I sighed deeply, just content with lying there.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just… I’m so so sorry. I always take things with a smile and… I…”

I found my vision fogging and I clenched my eyes tight, bringing my hooves up to my face. I couldn’t. Not here. I found myself stabbing myself with my hooves more than just put them up to my face (as I said, bad motor control), but I rubbed my eyes. Hard. Not here.

(You know, it’s okay to cry. Nopony be strong forever. Nopony. You’re no different-)

“Shut up. Just shut up. Please.”

With a deep breath, I put on a determined face (though I still didn’t really know how I looked like) and I got back onto four hooves. Focusing, I focused on a rhythm. Not anything specific, just something to occupy my mind so I could get the hang of trotting.

“Where to, Daring Do?” I asked.

(I don’t think saying things like that aloud will make me look sane once we come across civilization.)

“Well, there’s nobody around right now so you can can it.”

(I’m just saying. You don’t seem like a bad guy, and all things considered you took… uh, being in my body and losing your… stallion bits… better than I would’ve expected.)

“Yeah, well, there’s nothing I can do about it right now, is there?” I said. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m just, uh, going to walk in this direction for a while until something comes up.”

Beginning to walk, I found that Daring Do had gone quiet, leaving me alone to my thoughts. To my surroundings. Looking around, I could almost imagine myself writing all the details of being in a forest. The vibrant verdant greens of the leaves and foliage around me. The sound of crunching, decaying forestry beneath my hooves and the sight of bright peat moss spotting trees and mounds of dirt. If I looked closely, I could see some lingering morning dew, sparkling from the piercing rays of the sun above.

(Fantastic word choices and descriptions, though it could use a little work. Maybe if you took some time to write it out, go over it a few times and get somepony to see it, it would even be top quality.)

“What?” I frowned and paused in my travels.

(I could sense your thoughts putting together words and phrases. Even though I can see what you see [it is my body], I closed my eyes so-to-speak and could nearly envision what you were thinking.)

Blinking, I looked around out of habit as if someone were looking and cocked my head. “Not to be rude or anything, but how do you find yourself, erm, what’s the word… ‘qualified’? To judge me?”

(I’m a writer myself, and by what you’ve been trying to do since you took over my body, I’d assume you were one yourself. I’d applaud you, but I don’t seem to have any control over my hooves.)

I blinked again. Sighing, I began trotting again before frowning slightly. “Hey, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be here, in your body. I mean, what would I even gain stealing a body that is a completely different species from me, or at all? I didn’t ask for you to be shouting at me in my head, or I guess your head. I didn’t want this. I just popped into existence on… wherever this is!”

I could almost hear her silence. How does one even hear silence? In any case, I could sense she was hiding something. Something. What could it possibly be? Hiding something from me? Obviously it was a secret, but what? Why would she retreat into herself like that?

(...I’m sorry about, uh, yelling at you. I’m just… freaking out as much as you, I guess. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you. I guess I’m just on edge from… from, er, yeah.)

“From who?” I asked.

(It doesn’t matter. What matters is I’ve been terrible to you while all you’ve been is friendly and confused. I guess I must’ve thought since you sto-uh, since you’re in control of my body now, occupying the same space in me, I thought the worst.)

I shook my head. “Don’t put all the blame on yourself either. You didn’t ask for this, and neither of us know why I’m here now.”

(...yes, we don’t.)

Now seeing that the mood was quickly dropping, I frowned before picking up a grin. “Hey, how about we play a game?”

(Oh no. Please don’t tell me-)

“I spy with my little eye, something that is-”

(I hate you. I hate you so much.)

“I’m just kidding! I’m just kidding!” I said, waving a hoof and nearly tripping on three legs as I did so. “We’ll do something else to pass time.”

(...I can see your thoughts. No. I forbid you from singing that with my voice. It’s the stupidest, blandest road-trip song in existence!)

“Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of pop! Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of pop on the wall! Ninety-eight bottles of pop on the wall-”

(I HATE YOU.)

“No you don’t!” I smiled, and continued.

“Ninety-eight bottles of pop on the wall, ninety eight bottles of pop…”

(Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)

Author's Note

Meh. Could be better.

And why the heck would you favourite this, but not like it? How does that make any sense? Seriously.

3 - Obligatory First Fight Scene

“...one last bottle... of pop on the wall... one last bottle of pop… take it down… pass it around… no more bottles… of pop on the wall…”

Exhausted, I found myself leaning against a tree for support. As I collected my breath and what sanity I had left, I grinned lightly, wiping my forehead with my hoof.

“Phew! That’s the first time ever that I’ve actually completed that song,” I remark, beginning to chuckle. “That’s an accomplishment, if I’ve ever seen one.”

(Celestia… spare me…)

I sighed. “Hey now, it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure over a half an hour of singing the same line with little variation is entertaining when you’re with a group.”

(Do we look like a group? Huh? Two souls or whatever in one body? This is not a group. This is a dictatorship.)

I frowned with an incredulous look. “Okay, I know I’m cringey and annoying, but calling me a dictator makes no sense.”

(It does, when you take into consideration that you’ve taken over my body and have full control, while I’m back here only able to think to communicate.)

I blinked. “It can’t be that bad.”

(Try thinking of… being trapped in a tight space, unable to move, breathe, or speak, yet you’re somehow still alive.)

I winced as the vivid feeling came to mind. Was it just me, or did I pull the experience from Daring Do herself?

(Exactly. It isn’t pleasant. Also, if we ever get separated and I become me again, I’m getting you back for that. It was the most mind-numbing experience I’ve had, and that’s saying a lot because I’ve had to listen to Ahuizotl and Caballeron monologue about a zillion times.)

I chuckle at the implication and mention of specific names before I squint my eyes. “Who’s Ahuizotl and Caballeron?”

(They’re a couple of idiots hell-bent on making my life as convoluted, ridiculous, and utterly insane as possible. Basically, they get in my way and buck stuff up.)

I furrow my brows before continuing through the forest. “And you continue to let them do that?”

(I don’t let them. They just randomly appear. Seriously. I’ve tried several times to get them detained, and I’ve been successful, but one way or another, they break out and find their way back to bother me.)

Scrunching my face and feeling weird seeing my new muzzle follow the action, I cock an eyebrow. “So doesn’t that get annoying?” In response, I could almost sense a shrugging feeling from horse sharing the same mind as me.

(Yeah, but you tend to go through the motions after enough times. Plus, they’ve been rated as two the top ten fictional story villains in all of Equestria.)

That didn’t sound like a place I knew on Earth. Come to think of it, this entire situation didn’t make any sense at all, yet here I was. Then again, I’ve already been thinking of how I ended up here in the first place… but a horse of all things?

(Hey! I’m not a horse, I’m a pony! Don’t think I’ll let you get away with that one.)

“What.”

(You heard me.)

I stopped in place. “Okay, first of all, I had no idea you called yourself a ‘pony’, and that the term ‘horse’ is offensive. Second of all, what or where the heck is ‘Equestria’?”

I could sense the surprise and confusion coming from her. Looking around, I took my hat off and sat down rubbing my head as I could feel a mental migraine coming along.

(What… what do you mean ‘what is Equestria’? You don’t know where you are? Equestria is our country! My home! Proud to be Equestrian! Ruled by Princess Celestia and Luna, guarded by forces of good, and explored by ponies like myself! How could you not know what or where Equestria is?)

I groaned, shaking my head. “I just got here, Daring Do. I still have no idea where here is, much less why. Give me a break-!”

I could sense my ears swivel hard before Daring Do shouted in my mind to be quiet. With wide eyes, my ears began to flick from side to side, searching for the sound that had caused me and Daring Do to go alert. With squinted eyes, I put her pith helmet on with a little difficulty before using my whole head and body to look around.

(You heard that, right?)

I nodded, widening one eye to scrutinize my surroundings.

A snap. A rustle. A breeze.

I know someone’s there.

Glancing to my left, to my right, and finally closing my eyes, I breathed.

I planted my front hooves into the ground, the movements feeling fluid and natural before-

THWUMP!

The momentum of the person that I had hit caused me to fall forward onto my backside, winding me a little. I could hear them crash into the bushes as I blinked in surprise. What had I just done with my legs?

(That, what you just did, was a buck. Not bad, but not the best. You did it on instinct. Pretty good, I must say, for a first time. Now, get up!)

I didn’t need to be told twice. Groaning, I rolled over onto my front and used my arms- no, sorry, my forelegs to prop myself up. At that point, I fully extended myself onto my hind legs before realising something important.

“Oh yeah, I’m a four-legged creature now.”

I wobbled before yelping and planting my forehooves forward, thudding my legs against the forest floor. I winced as the vibrations rocked up my bones and into my core, making me cringe. Brushing some dirt from my shirt and slightly compromising my balance in the act, I cracked my neck.

(Ow-oh! That hurt! But it also feels good!)

“You’ve never tried popping your neck before?” I asked as I turned around to face my attacker, who I could see was groaning and starting to pick themself back up.

(No! The thought of doing that seems stupid.)

I chuckled, though in her voice, it sounded more like a giggle. My hooves tingled from the sound. “Heh, as long as you don’t do it too far and too sudden, you’re fine.”

(I still think it’s a completely idiotic idea to do constantly.)

“That’s debatable.”

(Whatever. Stop wasting time and turn your attention to the bad guy. Where there’s one, there’s more!)

Nodding, I stepped forward and observed as my attacker got to their hooves.

“Don’t move, I know ka-ra-te!” I hollered.

They groaned and shook their hooded head. As they turned towards me, I squinted my eyes in scrutiny, trying to find out who this… pony, was. I mean, I don’t know any other ponies other than the body I was occupying, and I still didn’t know if they were all sentient but maybe Daring Do could identify this person for me. Of course there was the problem of them being covered by a cloak-

The figure threw their cloak off and brushed off their shirt, wincing as they brushed where I think I had hit them.

(Oh Celestia. It’s this guy. Here we go.)

Huh? I thought, before I saw stumble forward and faceplant. I furrowed my brows as he quickly picked himself back up again.

“Daring Do!” he cried, his voice sounding much like a teenagers. “I’ve come to reclaim what you’ve stolen from the great Caballeron!”

(This kid’s name is Jaded Lines. He’s… complicated. I usually call him Lenny, but he doesn’t seem to like it.)

Smirking, I raised an eyebrow. “Hi, Lenny. What was that again?”

I snickered as I saw his face grow a little red and he stomped his hoof indignantly. “Hey! I said stop calling me that!”

“I’ll call you what I want, thanks.”

He blew air from his cheeks and shook his head faster than I would’ve thought possible. “Whatever. Give the amulet to Caballeron so he can make his deal with Ahuizotl and we don’t have to fight.”

I cocked my head to the side and frowned. Is he for real? A scrawny kid like that against a full grown… er, mare like me? He must be joking! “Heh, you and what army?” I ask, before realising what I just said and the implications therein.

(Damnit. You just fell into the classic cliche of challenging a seemingly harmless opponent. Trust me. I know my cliches. And I did warn you.)

On cue, I saw figures begin to appear behind bushes and trees a little ways away from me. Incredulously looking around me, I sighed and shook my head. “Okay. What? How did they all hide from me when I was walking this entire time? I would’ve seen them! And if they were sneaking up on me, I would’ve noticed! How come Jaded Lines was the only person I noticed? How does this logic?”

(It happens. Deal with it. Fight like a bat out of Tartarus.)

I sucked my teeth and adjusted my hat, running a hoof along my hair. “Well, why don’t we just fly away?”

(...why do I always forget that? Huh. Well, you could, but then it wouldn’t be any fun. That, and you still haven’t gotten used to my body and how it works, so I think flying is out of the equation. I don’t want you giving me another concussion.)

“Fair enough,” I breathed, and spread my stance, bringing my center of gravity low. “Just don’t get mad if I don’t know how to use my fists- er, your hooves to fight.” I then saw the confused expression on the poor teenage boy’s… wait, what’s the word… colt? Yes. I then saw the poor colt’s confused expression as he watched me talk to myself.

“Are… are you okay in the head, Ms. Do? In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never talked to yourself like that.”

(He’s only known me and I’ve only known him since Book 6! Er- I mean, about a year or two…)

I shot him a grin. “Well, I’m fairly certain I have a severe concussion, I’m definitely bruised all over and running off some sort of adrenaline, and I have a voice in my head telling me all the things I need to know. All things considered, I think I’m alright!”

The colt blinked before he glanced at all the hench ponies creeping up on me.

“Uh, go easy on her?” he told the hench ponies. I watched as they shrugged before running straight at me.

“Here goes nothing,” I muttered under my breath before hollering “Geronimo!”

The first of hooves flew towards my general direction. Ducking, I kicked my legs behind me as another pony sneaked up. As they flew, I used the backward momentum to plant my hindlegs and grab the hoof that had swung my way. Pulling on that, I found myself go forward as the pony fell forward, not having expected the action.

I felt something hit my chest and I sputtered, my wings stretching wide as I flew back. I glanced at my wings for only a second before more hench ponies barreled towards me. Without thinking, I gusted my wings and a couple ponies stumbled, but the other were unfazed. Swinging a hindleg around, I roundhouse kicked a poor pony in the face who went down like a rock. Using the spin, I planted a single hoof in the ground and spun before planting all four legs once again.

Feeling my heart racing, I looked at the several ponies I had already downed.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” I muttered under my breath, wincing at all their groans.

(Hey! You’re pretty good! Just don’t worry about it for now. There’s more where that came from, so watch your left!)

Heeding her warnings, I dodged a kick coming from my peripheral vision, knocking it aside and pouncing towards the pony. Planting two hooves into their back, I spiralled into the air and landed in front of her, bucking them in the face. The pony flew back and knocked a couple of other ponies out.

“This is ridiculous!” I cried, wheezing as somebody tackled me to the ground. My head hit the soft moss while the pony tackling me rolled off onto a root.

(Welcome to my world, bud. On your right!)

I stepped backward quickly and watched as pony overextended themselves and fell onto their chest. With one swift kick to the barrel, they were winded and gasping for breath.

“But seriously. I’ve never actually been in a fight before and I’m still doing better than these guys. Who the heck trained them?”

(You know, I think half of them are actually just normal everyday ponies entranced with the notion of gold and riches by the ever-charming Caballeron. His spaneish accent certainly is alluring.)

“Please tell me you did not just think that,” I groaned, before someone hit me in the head and I actually groaned. Hitting the ground, I shut my eyes and rubbed the sudden sore spot on my head. Twisting to look up, I saw a scrawny colt looking at me with pitiful eyes. Jaded Lines stood in front of me with a large branch in his hooves, and all I could see was a innocent kid.

“Sorry, Ms. Do. I have to do my job!”

(So do I.)

Following Daring’s lead, I grimaced. “So do I.”

Waiting for his swing, I watched as time seemed to slow and saw the branch headed straight for my head. Feeling my blinking still working at normal speed, I quickly wondered how this was possible.

(Even I don’t know why. Just don’t question it. I never do.)

Frowning at the lack of explanation I growled and ducked, feeling the wood brush my helmet. Spinning on the ground, I used the centrifugal force to twist my wings in a way that I rose from the ground. Don’t ask me how I did it, it was sort-of instinctual.

Look, give me a break. It was in the heat of the moment!

Anyway, I did that, spinning up, before pulling the branch just as it cleared my general vicinity. Doing so caused the colt to stumble forward, his grip on the branch failing. With one small movement, I stretched my hind-leg out and it made contact with Jaded Lines.

Time resumed at a relatively normal pace after that, or whatever normal was her. Apparently that was. Anyways, not going to question those remarkably cartoon physics, he went flying, and I landed in a heap, suddenly breathing quite fast. And then I remembered that I had just sustained another head injury.

The world began to spin and I blinked for it to stop.

(You really need to take care of my- of our body more. Any more and I’ll probably have postconcussive syndrome. I’d rather not have that, thank you very much.)

“W-well,” I stammered, stretching my wings out to balance myself better. “I, uh.. Sorry. LIke, really sorry. Did not plan to, er, get this bone train, I mean, uh, brain trauma. Yeah. That.”

(...have you never had a concussion before? Major or minor?)

“Heheeee!” I giggled, stumbling away from all the unconscious and winded ponies. The pain in my head was pounding, but I chose to keep trying to think straight. Probably wasn’t the best idea, but hey, I couldn’t really think properly. “Not that I recall! Eeyup, never really been concaved in any form sort of way. Nope. Nuh-uh.”

(You’re loopy. Usually, I’m just really angry and I begin to see stuff. I wonder why it’s different now.)

“M-maybe because…” I murmured, scrunching my face. I breathed in deeply, and my mind focused for one pure second. Obviously, it was a second late.

I looked down at the empty space beneath my hooves and the cave system right underneath me. Sighing, I felt the pounding in my ears return.

“At l-least we’ve found someplace to rest.”

FWUMP!

The darkness swallowed us whole.

Author's Note

Whelp, this took a little longer to put out than I thought.

Sorry, I've had school and stuff to deal with.

Also, I apologise for the length. I'll try and reach that 4k goal next time. Really, really sorry.

But hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment on what you thought :twilightsmile: