Try, Try Again

by JackRipper

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo
Length: 3020

I can't fly, but that won't stop me from trying. Not now, not ever.

I'm a pegasus and I can't fly.

It wasn't always like this. When I was younger, it only mattered as much as I let it. Now it's like the whole world is out to get me.

I'll just have to try harder. I just have to try... and try again.

An experimental entry in the Fall 2017 CuddleFic Contest.
Pre-read by B_25.
Edited by The Abyss and Dreams of Ponies.
Cover art by viwrastupr on Deviantart.
Featured: 11/19/17 - 11/20/17.

Published 2017-11-19 20:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-19 20:00:06 UTC

Try, Try Again

Dirt wasn't a pleasant taste, but failure tasted even worse.

I spat out the acrid cocktail of begrimed sod and clay. Running a hoof through my fuschia mane, I winced as a twig came free along with a lock of hair. Each wound, no matter how small, was a testament to my failure, and failure wasn’t an option.

Apple Bloom didn't say anything, even though I knew she wanted to. I didn't have to see her face to know what she felt.

Pity, enough to drown myself in it.

I raised a hoof as she opened her mouth. “Before you say anything, the answer’s still no. I’ve barely even managed to gain lift today. I'm not stopping until I accomplish something,” I growled. Apple Bloom tilted her hat, avoiding my gaze.

“Scootaloo… you and I both heard the doctor. He ain't lyin’ to ya.”

“I don't give a flying buck what some unicorn in a white coat said. He’s wrong, plain and simple,” I snarled, stomping my hoof into the ground.

Apple Bloom didn't respond. That was my cue to try again.

...

Thunk!

This time, I didn't remove my face from the dirt. I didn't even get to feel the wind run through my mane before plummeting back down again.

Apple Bloom sighed and stood up, trotting over to me and placing her hoof on my back.

“Ya remember that thing Sweetie Belle kept spoutin’ out? ‘Bout being insane and all that?”

It was my turn to sigh as I refrained myself from mimicking Rarity’s annoying posh accent, reciting the words ingrained into my mind. “Scootaloo, you’re insane if you think doing the same thing over and over again is going to change anything.”

With a gentle nudge of encouragement from Apple Bloom, I pulled myself from the soil, leaning against her for support. I wasn't done speaking. “Finish this quote for me: If at first you don't succeed—”

“—Try and try again,” Apple Bloom replied, wrapping her hoof around my shoulder. “Scootaloo, what yer tryin’ to do… I just don’t think you’re gonna make any more progress today.”

“You don't know that,” I said, shaking my head to and fro, as if doing such a thing would make her words less true.

Her frown deepened. “I do know that. You heard the doctor himself, your w—”

“Don't… you don't need to repeat him, alright? I get it, it's hopeless.”

She gave a light chuckle, though there was no real mirth to it. “Ain't hopeless. Ya don't have to fly to be a pegasus. Heck, look at Fluttershy. She doesn't fly a whole lot, and she's just fine.”

I blinked away the moisture forming in the corners of my eyes. “But... she can fly.”

Apple Bloom shot me a wistful smile. “Flight fer a lot of pegasi is their source of happiness, I get that. Ya can't fly, and that really sucks, but that don't mean it's not your choice whether you're happy or not.”

Silence fell between us. Apple Bloom shook her head as she stood up.

“Look, I stayed out here for as long as I could, but I gotta help my sis on the farm. I know I can't convince ya not to stay out here, but just remember that I care about you, Scoots. We all do.”

She waited for a reply, but I didn't give her one. My expression remained unchanged as she trotted off. And when she turned to look back at me one last time, my hollow eyes kept staring straight ahead.

…

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't bucking fair.

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom weren't perfect, but they still had so much going for them. They were beautiful, smart and so... passionate. What did that make me?

A cripple with an easy Celestia-damned sympathy card.

I grit my teeth at the thought of that particularly incriminating word: sympathy. It was a worthless word, just like the look of pity Apple Bloom had given me. I hated how much everypony pretended to care, as if most of them would still remember my face come next morning.

My friends cared, sure, but everypony else? They’d say just about anything to erase me from their minds. False sympathy compounded my ever-growing cynicism.

I flinched as a raindrop hit the tip of my muzzle. I glared up at the sky. It was like life was mocking me with some sort of cruel irony. Sure, douse the flightless orphan, that's real funny.

“Oh, go rot in Tartarus!”

I snarled at the overcast sky that formed above me, overshadowing the rolling green hills I stood upon. “I’m not going to let a little rain stop me from trying!” I shouted out to the heavens, as if there was any strength to my proclamation. My wings unfurled as I ground my hooves into the dirt, steadying myself as the howling wind buffeted against me.

Let's do this. One more time.

With as much precision as I could muster, I dove into the air. I did my best to ignore my mane whipping around my face, making a conscious effort to pump my wings. For a moment, I grinned as I finally felt lift.

The grin promptly fell from my face as I came to a sudden heart-pumping realization.

I wasn't in control and I wasn't flying, rather, the wind was thrashing me around with relative ease.

My eyes went wide.

Shit!

In my moment of weakness, I panicked, flapping my wings in desperation as I was thrown higher into the sky.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

A surge of pain spread across my wings as they clamped themselves shut. In my last waking moment, I saw myself plummeting toward the endless earth below me.

I closed my eyes, for I was certain that I was going to die.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

I groaned as a weight on top of me suddenly lifted. I scrunched up my muzzle as the smell of ammonia flooded my senses.

“Oh, thank Celestia! Apple Bloom, she's awake!”

I recognized Sweetie Belle’s voice instantly. With active effort, I pried my eyes open, only to wince at the blinding light, shutting them again.

I heard somepony trot up to my left side.

“Easy now, Scoots. Yer in the hospital. Rainbow Dash found ya after you crashed. It was a nasty fall from what I heard.”

I chuckled as I attempted to stretch my muscles. No dice.

“Yeah? No kidding,” I replied. My voice was strained and raspy. Well, more raspy than it normally was.

“Yeah, you had us worried sick after we heard you were here. You nearly got yourself killed.” Sweetie Belle huffed.

Finally, I willed myself to open my eyes.

“Wouldn't have been the first time, Sweetie,” I muttered.

The severity of the damage was about what I expected. Layers of bandages covered various sections of my face and torso, and my wings were bound tight. I was in a hospital bed, connected to various machines with tubes, though I couldn't tell you what any of them did.

“This ain't a joke, Scootaloo. You shoulda stopped flyin’ as soon as I left. Yer a pegasus for Celestia’s sake! You know how bad the storms can get!”

I glared at her. “Am I a pegasus, Apple Bloom? I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately.”

The two of them gawked at me. Everypony was silent, and from outside, I heard a pin drop. For the longest time, nopony said anything. I maintained the glare on my face as Apple Bloom cleared her throat.

“I don't really think you’ll get an answer ya want to hear from us. Rainbow is right outside; we’ll leave you two alone.”

They walked toward the door without uttering another word. Sweetie Belle looked back and gave me a sympathetic frown as the door clicked shut behind her.

I wish she knew I hated that, but I didn't have the heart to tell her.

The monotonous silence didn't last long as my idol entered the room. Her bright rainbow mane contrasted with the sterile white walls behind her. She pulled up a chair and sat next to my bedside, an uncomfortable look on her face.

“Heya, squirt,” she halfheartedly greeted.

“Hey, Dash.”

She rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof, shuffling her hind legs. “So, uh, how’s the hospital? I’ve been admitted to Ponyville General more times than I can count.”

I snorted. “The room’s pretty nice. White is such an interesting color.”

“Yeah, can't say I’m a big fan of it either,” Rainbow giggled.

Our conversation died with that line. I found myself staring at her magenta eyes as the smile on her face faded.

“I… came to talk to you as soon as I heard the news. I didn't really expect to find you buried in the dirt.”

I didn't reply.

“Scoots, you might be in a hospital, but there's nothing in any first-aid kit that'll fix your problem.”

I crossed my hooves. “I don't have a problem.”

“Then stop treating it like it’s a problem,” she fired back.

“But I can't—”

“Who cares, Scoots?” She leaned against the bed, propping her elbows against the metal frame and pointing a cyan hoof at me. “You and only you, that’s who.” Rainbow paused for a moment, then sighed. “Scootaloo, it doesn't matter if you can fly or not.”

I brought a hoof to my eyes and smeared away tears. “But… I’m never gonna be like you.”

“Good.”

I reeled back, my expression nothing short of bewilderment.

“Good? What do you mean, good?”

She averted her eyes as she spoke. “Your life isn't easy. And as awesome as I am, there's still one big thing you got on me. You’re you.”

I craned my neck, grimacing as bandages tugged around my throat.

“As bucking cheesy as this is gonna sound, your life’s a story, squirt. You're never gonna go mach five, and that's alright. A pegasus who's known for flying is a dime a dozen, but you? Heck, with your drive, who knows what you're going to do!”

A lump formed in my throat. “You… you really think that?”

She nodded. “I do, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that you do, too.”

I smiled. For once in a long while, it was a genuine one. “You're right, that was really cheesy.”

She rolled her eyes as we both giggled. Not a second later, I stifled a yawn. Heat rose to my face as a question popped up in my head. Somehow, I had the courage to ask it aloud.

“Rainbow, you… do you remember when I was younger and we would sometimes take naps together? Can we do that again? We don't have to, if that isn't cool or anything.”

She laughed and ruffled my mane. “That sounds like a pretty cool idea to me, Scoots.”

Rainbow Dash let out a heavy yawn as she glanced over at the window adjacent to them. The downpour had dissipated almost entirely, all that remained were tiny specks of water painted across the glass pane.

A gentle, orange glow blanketed the pair. Scootaloo’s eye twitched at the light that seeped through, making her bury her muzzle deeper into Dash’s cyan coat. She murmured as Rainbow attempted to wiggle out of the embrace, wrapping her bandaged hooves around Rainbow’s waist.

“Ngh… five more minutes… mom.”

Dash jerked her head in shock, a small gasp escaping her throat as a content smile formed on Scootaloo’s face.

Maybe... she could stay, if only for a little while longer.

It was raining again. Rivulets of water trickled down my bedroom window as I stared up at the gray cumuli looming above. I cradled one bandaged hoof with the other. I’d learned my lesson from last time, at the very least.

As I stood up from my bed, I cringed at the sudden pressure I felt in my forehooves. It wasn't painful, just an uncomfortable ache that crept up my body. I cautiously hobbled over to my bathroom door and pushed it open with one hoof. It was time to change the old bandages.

I leaned against the counter, actively ignoring my morbid reflection. There were bags under my eyes, my mane frayed and matted. The flickering fluorescent light above me emphasized my disheveled apathy.

I looked as if I hadn't slept well in days. And in truth, I probably hadn't, not since I last saw Rainbow Dash anyway. My wings needed preening, and my dressings were in dire need of changing; I’d reasoned that the latter of the two was more important.

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in. With a swift yet gentle tug, the bandages came free. The sight of blood was nauseating, even though it had long since dried up. My hoof grazed a slightly rusted sink handle. The water that rushed out immediately tainted the water a dark pink.

Why do I even bother, Dash?

The warm water stung a little, but it was tolerable, and the distraction was a welcome one. I turned the faucet handle and wrapped a new set of bandages around my injuries. It wouldn’t be much longer before I’d be fully recovered.

Slowly, I turned around to face my bedroom, focusing on my scooter that was propped up against my dresser. It had seen better days, if the faded paint and rotting wood were anything to go by. It reminded me of a lot of things, including stuff from when I was younger. As nostalgic as it was, there was one feeling that I just couldn't shake off, a feeling that sent tremors down my hooves:

Anger.

A bright flash briefly illuminated the room as thunder rattled the window pane. The more I stared at it, the angrier I got. It reminded me of why I was in this situation in the first place, how nothing’s changed in the slightest.

I ground my molars, growling as I stomped over to the old toy. I ignored the sharp burning in my hoof as it crashed down across the length of the scooter.

Crack!

The thunder in the distance masked the sound of the scooter shattering in half. I continued to rip the thing apart, yanking off the handlebars and tossing them aside. As my rage began to wane, I simply glanced down at the mess I had made. I thought that I would immediately feel regret, but I didn't feel anything even close to it. I wasn't satisfied; I didn't want to look at the damn thing anymore.

With the last of my energy, I gathered the broken pieces and opened the window, completely dousing my face and chest with rainwater in the process. I glanced down at the carcass of the forgotten memento one last time before chucking it outside and slamming the window shut.

Still. No. Guilt.

The sun wasn't quite out yet, but it was still a major improvement over yesterday. I sat on the same hillside where I liked to practice. Though this time, I had no intention of trying to fly.

“Hey, Scoots.”

I felt a pair of large wings wrap around my lithe frame, encompassing me in their warmth. The cyan feathers were a dead giveaway. I leaned back, nuzzling into her neck as I blankly stared up into the sky. “Hey, Dash,” I chuckled. “Is this going to be a regular thing between us or something?”

She shrugged, shifting her weight to one side. “Only if you want it to be. You looked like you could use somepony to talk to.”

“I don’t really... know if I’m up for talking right now.”

“That’s fine.” Dash leaned in, wrapping a hoof around me and yawning. “I gotta show you something though, before I doze off for my afternoon nap.”

“What is it?”

She flashed me a cheeky smirk. “You’ll have to get up and follow me. C’mon, it’s at Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Fine,” I groaned, rolling over and begrudgingly standing up. “Can you at least tell me why we’re heading over there of all places?”

“It’s a little surprise that Apple Bloom helped me whip up. That’s the most you’re gonna get out of me.”

It was a short trot, so I wasn’t given much time to wonder what the hay Dash was actually up to. When we arrived, Apple Bloom was already standing next to the barn.

“I was wonderin’ when you’d call her over here,” Apple Bloom said, leaning against the barn with a smug expression on her face.

“Oh, bite me. We were spending time together.”

She giggled as she leaned over and unlatched the barn door. “Sure hope yer not gettin’ soft, that doesn’t sound like the Dash I know.”

I rolled my eyes at their bickering. “Sorry to interrupt this little back-and-forth, but what are we doing standing next to your barn? Is there something you wanted to show me?”

All at once, my suspicions vanished, my muzzle agape as Apple Bloom pulled the barn door open.

“Surprise!” they cheered in unison.

In the center of the barn was my scooter, but it was nothing like the way I had left it. It was bigger, large enough for me to ride on it once more. The blue paint had been replaced with a bright cherry red, and the metal handlebars had been polished thoroughly. The thing that stood out the most was the brand new motor that had been attached to the back.

“Apple Bloom had noticed you wrecked your scooter when she was going to visit you, so I helped her fix it back up and made it more awesome,” Dash explained, rubbing the nape of her neck. “Do you… like it?”

“I-I love it,” I stammered out, tracing the edge of the motor with one shaky hoof.

“Hey, you can never go fast enough, right?”

I knocked the wind out of Dash, the two of us falling to the ground as I wrapped my hooves around her. I was crying, but it didn’t really matter.

I’d finally found my wings.