Melancholy Of The Soul
Winds of life
Previous ChapterI yawn as the morning’s light strikes my face. Looks like I forgot to close the drapes last night. Groaning, I get up, make my way to the window, closing the drapes with a single tug. I massage my neck as soothingly as I can manage. I didn’t get much sleep last night, and my neck still feels stiff. I had been too busy thinking about Twilight…
I need to go see her. What time is it? I look at the clock; it’s only six AM. Huh, I'll go eat breakfast then go to see her. Applejack is probably the only one up this early. Even I don’t normally wake up this early. Maybe I’ll see her at the hospital.
I exit my bedroom, walking to the kitchen. I pour myself some cereal and milk and crunch it ‘til it’s gone. I put the bowl in the sink, then walk outside. It’s still chilly out; Celestia is just raising the sun.
Frost melts off the grass as sunlight hits it. Liquefying, then vaporizing. The tiny crystalline structures fascinating, hm, it really is beautiful…
Nopony is out yet as I walk to the hospital. It’s all serene and quiet. The cold air burns my nostrils, chilling my scales.
The hospital is on the other side of Ponyville. I could walk faster, run even. But I want to take it in.
I’ve seen Ponyville like this before. I can’t remember if I’ve felt this way before. It’s cold, but I enjoy this feeling. The zephyr blowing against my body, chilling me, but...warming my soul…
The sky is gray as the remnants of darkness fade into daylight. It’s a bit overcast, nimbostratus clouds hang in the sky. It’ll probably rain later. I never pay attention to the Cloudsdale forecasts.
After some more meandering I make it to the hospital. Nurses and doctors help sick ponies; some leaving a long night shift, others just starting. I approach the help desk. The mare sitting there smiles at me.
“Princess Twilight is in room three forty-six,” she says.
I repress a cringe, nodding instead. I walk towards my destination. Twilight never asked to be called a princess. But ponies did it anyways, even after they’ve known her for years.
At least she didn’t call me sir. I hate when they do that. Well, I do now at least. It wasn’t so bad at first…
I don’t want their respect. I don’t deserve it...Besides, it’s always awkward when they call me sir, or Sir Spike. I’m still smaller than most ponies. And younger than most of the ones who call me it anyways.
Huh, I guess it doesn’t matter. I reach Twilight’s room, twisting the knob, and entering. She’s lying in bed, some bandages wrapped around her head.
I approach, pulling up a chair on her left side. It’s quiet, the room is lit by low-power artificial light. Why does that bother me? It’s all so clinical…
I place my hands on her left hoof. She grunts a little, turning her head to me. A weak smile spreads across her lips.
“Hey...Spike…” she says, with effort.
Tears form in my eyes. “Twilight...I’m so sorry…”
“Spike,” she’s saying, the pain makes her close her eyes, tears squeezing through, “oh, Spike...Please, please…”
I grip her hoof tightly. I try to control the flow of tears from my eyes. I can’t. I can’t stop crying. Rarity’s right, I can’t regret what happened in the past. But Twilight’s still hurting…
I see the brace on her right wing. I didn’t know she hurt her wing…
“Your wing…” I say. We’re both still crying. She sniffles.
“Yeah, I sprained it when I fell on my side, it got bent pretty badly.”
“Twilight, I’m so sorry…”
“Spike,” she’s saying, wiping away her tears with her right hoof, “it’s okay. It was an accident.”
“I know,” I’m saying, “But you’re still hurt. I hurt you.”
She smiles, pitifully, really. Her eyes are bloodshot; I know she’s still in pain.
“Spike, it really is okay. I’m not mad. Accidents happen often enough. Hmm. We’ve been together for the better part of two and a half decades. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. You know that.” She chuckles at the last part.
I rub my hands along her hoof. “It’s been twenty six years actually. We’ve been together for twenty six years.”
“We’re getting old now.” She smiles.
We laugh, light and fleeting.
Somepony knocks on the door. Odd, who could that be?
“Come in,” I say. The door pushes open lightly. Banging against the wall. Rarity smiles as she enters. She’s wearing a light blue scarf, and some sunglasses.
“Rarity.” I smile.
Twilight weakly tries to raise her head. I push gently on her chest, bringing her head back down onto the pillow.
“I’m happy you’re here,” Twilight says.
Rarity smiles. “Of course, darling. The other girls will be here shortly.”
She levitates a chair next to mine. She places her right hoof on top of my hands. They’re still slightly cold. Then she grabs Twilight's right hoof with her left hoof.
“When will you be released?” Rarity asks.
Twilight breathes out. “In a few hours…”
Rarity rubs Twilight's hoof, frowning. She looks at me, a small smile on her lips. Her eyes say, I’m glad you’re here with me.
I smile in response. I suppose there isn’t anything to be happy about. But Rarity, being here, I, I can’t help myself…
We sit and talk for a little while. About fashion, the weather. Of course I say I like the weather. Though I think it’s a bit more than that. I’m not sure; it’s just fall after all, nothing special…
The door opens again and Applejack and Pinkie Pie walk in. We’ve been talking for a few hours already. I smile as they approach. Even Pinkie is more reserved; she’s merely carrying a basket of goodies.
“Hey,” Pinkie whispers, quiet for her.
Applejack takes off her hat. “We just came to see how ya were doing.”
“I’m fine. Thank you.” Twilight smiles.
Pinkie and Applejack sit on the other side of the bed.
“I brought you a whole bunch of goodies!” Pinkie claps her hooves together excitedly. “Chocolate, muffins, brownies. Chocolate filled cupcakes made out of chocolate drizzled in chocolate! And, ooh! I also have…”
Pinkie goes on, listing the various deserts she brought. Applejack and Twilight giggle at our excited friend. Rarity smiles, scrunched her brow at the same time.
I place my hand on her shoulder. She turn to me, still smiling. Her eyes are...I don’t know...is something wrong?
I move my lips to form a question, then stop. Maybe it’s not my place to ask…
I continue to smile instead.
The door opens again; this time it’s the doctor. He asks us to step aside as he checks Twilight's vitals. He says she can be discharged in a few hours.
“Your highness,” he’s saying, “you have a concussion. You will need to avoid bright lights and loud sounds for a few weeks. You may also find difficulty reading.”
Twilight cringes at the last part. I roll my eyes.
“You’ll also need to enter physical therapy for your damaged wing,” he continues.
I briefly think of Rainbow when he says that. It’s been...two years? Yeah, two years since I last saw her. If she was here...oh how she'd love to help Twilight rehabilitate her wing. But she isn’t...and neither is Fluttershy for that matter…
As the doctor leaves, he says a nurse will come to check Twilight out shortly.
Applejack stands up. “Well, I suppose I best be gettin home. Don’t wanna leave all the work ta Big Mac and Apple Bloom.”
“I need to open Sugarcube Corner. See you later, Twilight!” Pinkie waves as she exits the door.
Rarity turns to me. “Darling, would you mind if I help you take Twilight home?”
“I’d love that.” I smile.
“Thank you, Rarity,” Twilight says.
The nurse pony comes in. I fill out some paper work, then Twilight is discharged. Rarity wraps her scarf around Twilight as we go outside.
It’s fall. I love fall. I love the cold air. I love the beauty of it all. We walk slowly, Twilight is dizzy and we help her to stand.
After some time we are standing in front of the castle. We enter and lead Twilight to her room, laying her down gently in bed.
“Can you make me some tea?” Twilight asks with a small smile.
“We’d love to, darling,” Rarity replies, before I have a chance to move my lips.
Rarity and I head to the kitchen. I brew the teas as she looks in the cabinets for teacups. We have several, thought Rarity is disappointed with the selection. Hmm, she’s always been such a perfectionist.
She decides on a purple tea cup with a zigzag pattern. Huh, Trixie made a lot of those…
“The design is a bit ghastly,” she’s saying, “but it is still a lovely color.”
I smile. “It’s perfect.”
We head back to Twilight.
Twilight tries to sit up, I push her down gently. Rarity levitates the tea for Twilight, allowing her to sip. She pulls the covers up around herself.
“Hrrm. Thank you, Rarity, Spike," she says, before yawning. "I’m going to get some rest now."
“Of course, darling.” Rarity places her hoof on my shoulder.
“I’ll be right here if you need me,” I say.
She smiles. “Spike, it’s already noon. You should go have lunch. Actually, you should go out with Rarity. I’ll be fine by myself.”
“Twilight, I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Yes, darling, don’t you want somepony to be with you?” Rarity asks.
Twilight yawns. “I’m just going to lie in bed for now anyways. I think I’ll be fine. Spike, go spend time with Rarity. Don’t be cooped up in here all day. I know you’ll just mope.”
I blush at the last part. Rarity looks at me, a small smile on her lips.
“Spike, darling, won’t you have lunch with me?” Her eyes are sweet and welcoming, I can’t help but smile.
“Yeah, that’d be really nice.” We say goodbye to Twilight and exit the castle.
“So, where do you want to go have lunch? There’s the hayburger place, the ice cream shop, the-”
“Actually, Spike, I thought I could make something for the two of us,” Rarity says.
“Really? I don’t know, maybe I could just make something with the ingredients I have in the castle kitchen. Here, let me-”
“Spike, would you indulge me, darling?”
Her voice is sweet, but her eyes and smile are tired. I--is she, what’s wrong?
I smile. “Yeah, that actually sounds nice, I’d love too.”
We head back to her place. The piles of fabric and various dresses are all too familiar too me. Hm, she even has her old fainting couch in the corner. Huh, she was always so overdramatic. But never when it mattered…
I lay on her couch while she makes lunch. “It’ll be about an hour, Spike!”
“No problem!” I call back.
I suppose I don’t have anything better to do. And, I suppose I can’t remember the last time Rarity and I just hung out together. Just together, not with anypony else. Perhaps I’m being the overdramatic one now. Well, overly dramatic in how I feel at least…
What is it now, three years? Three years since the last time Rarity and I just hung out together. She just got too busy with her boutiques, I guess...and everything else, I suppose. I guess it doesn’t matter now. I could have tried harder to spend time with her. Then again, I had my problems…
Not so much anymore, I suppose. Things are different now. But, then again they were always different. And always will be. Should I care this much? What do I care about anyways…
It’s quiet now. I can hear Rarity humming to herself as she cooks. But beyond that, I can’t hear anything. I suppose not perfect silence. But in between...it’s extremely easy to think right now, though I suppose I don’t have much to think about.
At least nothing I should be thinking about. Then again I suppose it doesn't ultimately matter.
Actually, maybe something is wrong with Rarity. Or, not exactly wrong with her, but something is bothering her. She seems sad. I don’t know if I understand. Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there. I’m just glad at least that we still talked, even if we never hung out together as much.
Oh, the days when we were just friends. When we didn’t save Equestria what felt like every few months. When Twilight wasn’t a princess yet. I miss that. I suppose it’s better now, but, is it really?
“Spike, darling, please come join me!”
I get up from the couch and head to the kitchen. Rarity has draped the table in a frilly red fabric and has set the plates and silverware out neatly. I sit down across from her. She smiles at me as we eat.
It’s good, some hay stew or something, but that’s not all really. We don’t talk, it’s weird. I feel completely content with her right now. It’s, it’s...I don’t know...I don’t know how I feel right now…
After we’re done eating, I help Rarity clean up, putting away the tablecloth and washing the dishes. Afterwards, we sit down on her couch together.
“Spike...would you mind staying for a bit, darling? Just to talk…”
“I, uh...uh, yeah, I’d love that.”
She smiles at me, scooting slightly closer.
“Hmm. You know, darling, I really will not make back that investment I made in my Manehattan fashion line. Ha! Oh darling, truly dreadful business.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, unfortunately, my fashion line I launched in Manehattan didn’t do so well…”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I place my hand on her hoof and she smiles.
“It’s quite alright, darling. I do believe those dresses looked rather ghastly anyways. And, well, I...uh…”
“What is it?” I look her in the eyes.
“Huh, darling, I’m closing up all of my boutiques across Equestria except this one…”
“What?! Rarity, why would you do that? I haven’t heard anything about this! Since when have you decided this?”
She breathes out. “Darling, I decided this a while ago. I--I just can’t do it anymore...I’m sorry. I suppose I’m not closing them really, I’m selling them off. Huh, it’s funny. I’m already a very rich mare; I’ll probably possess even more wealth after this…”
I look into her eyes. “That doesn’t answer why you’re doing it. I know it can’t be about the money. I see how much money you donate each year to charity. I...I just don’t understand. You love fashion and making dresses. Why would you give that up?”
“Well, I’m not giving it up per se, I’m just closing up shop, as it were. I’ll close Carousel Boutique as well--at least as a business. I’ll still live here in Ponyville. I--I just can’t do it anymore. I just can’t make dresses for these ponies, Spike. I don’t why, but I just can’t do it anymore…”
Tears are forming in her eyes. What can I say…
I take hold of her hooves, leaning my head onto her chest. She cries quietly as she leans on me. I need to know, I need to help her.
After a while, tears stop streaming down her face, and she pulls away from me lightly. She looks at me with tear soaked eyes, a small smile on her lips.
“Thank you, Spike.”
“Yeah...huh, sure.”
She looks away from me. “Spike...do you ever wonder…”
I place my hand on her shoulder. “Rarity?”
“Never mind...It’s nothing, nothing at all...Huh, would you like some tea, darling?”
“Yeah.” She gets up and brews some tea, hurrying back not long after with a teapot and some tea cups. She fills my cup gently and slowly. I say nothing as she does this. We just sit there and drink tea for awhile. It’s quiet again, not very quiet, but, peaceful. We’re not doing anything, but I don’t mind.
She levitates her tea cup too the coffee table. “”I haven’t seen Sweetie Belle in eight months.” Tears roll down her cheeks. Why is she bringing this up now?
“I’m sorry.” I haven’t seen her since she moved away...
“No, Spike, it is quite alright. It isn’t entirely her fault, I suppose. Huh, I was always too busy. Too busy for my sister even. I suppose it isn’t too late too see her, I just wish I had done it sooner. I think I might go to Canterlot in a few weeks. Pay her a visit. Hum, it’s funny, eight months isn’t that long, but I know she and I have been growing apart longer than that…”
Maybe I should have gotten closer to Sweetie Belle. Or Scootaloo. Or even Apple Bloom. At least Apple Bloom still lives here. The others--Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, they left...I was never close but I still miss them...Maybe I’ll go with Rarity to Canterlot...and Scootaloo is with Rainbow in Cloudsdale, it’d be nice too see them again, and Fluttershy....
“I’m sure Sweetie Belle would love to see you.” I smile.
“Yes, I know she will. I know I could see her more often. I just can’t bring myself to go to Canterlot…”
“There’s no room to breathe there…”
She turns to me.
“Yes, exactly how I feel about it. Huh, Spike look at us. We’ve been friends for the last fifteen years of our lives. What are we doing? We--we should be more fun than this! Huh, I’m a thirty-six year old mare, I shouldn’t let this bring me down.”
“Rarity, you’re only being who you are. And who you are is a wonderful pony who gladly does things for others. Sweetie Belle is your sister, it’s alright to miss her. Never feel bad about that.” Perhaps I should take my own advice...I don’t know…
She smiles at me. “Spike, thank you. Huh, come with me, darling. I want to show you something.”
We get up and headed to one of her back rooms. In the middle is her most recent dress, I think. It’s not finished as of now. But it’s a somewhat form fitting garment. The underneath part wraps tightly and the exterior is layered in soft flowing points, each a different colored fabric.
“I thought you were done making dress,” I say.
“No, darling, I’m just done with selling them. I can’t bring myself to do that anymore...But this dress isn’t for a pony.”
“Do you mean it was an anonymous commissioner?”
“No, no, darling. I don’t know who I am making it for. Inspiration just struck me one night a few weeks ago. I have always imagined a mare who could wear my dresses. I have always loved helping mares find the perfect dress for them. Huh, however with this dress, nopony came to mind. Nopony at all. This will sound strange, but I feel like I am making this dress for a pony I haven’t met yet. I know that sounds silly. I--I can’t explain it, I just feel that way.”
“Emotion is powerful; you’re making something from your heart.” I smile.
“I suppose I am...Huh, Spike, what are we? What are we now…”
“We’re still friends, Rarity. We’re still best friends. Life hasn’t passed us by, at least not yet anyways.”
She smiles. “Yes, I suppose so.”
I say goodbye to her and leave. It’s getting late now, it’s time to head back to the castle.
Life hasn’t passed us by, at least not yet...Or has it? I don’t know how I feel about her now. I know how I used to feel about her. How I used to love her. No, I still love Rarity. She’s my best friend.
But, I...I never told her. I never told her. At least not really. I suppose she figured it out at some point. Enough that she didn’t have to ask me or anypony else. I suppose it’s too late now...I never told her before, can I really tell her now?
I suppose it doesn’t matter…
I walk back to the castle, walk inside and check on Twilight. She’s still asleep. She really was fine after all. I’m glad, she doesn’t need any more stress.
I make dinner, just some tomato soup, not her favorite, but she’s also sick. I take the bowl back to her room. She stirs as I sit down next to her.
“Here, I made you some soup,” I say.
“Thank you, Spike.” She tries levitating the spoon, but the effort forces tears out of her eyes.
“Twilight, it’s okay. You’ve taken care of me long enough. Will you let me?”
She nods.
I spoon the soup into her mouth. She’s slow eating, the effort to stay awake is hurting her. After awhile the bowl is empty and she lies back down.
“Thank you, Spike. Did you have fun with Rarity today?”
“Yeah, it, it was good...You should get some rest.”
“Goodnight, Spike. I...I love you…”
A tear forms in my eye. “Goodnight, Twilight. I love you too.”
I close her bedroom door and head back to my room. I suppose I could still stay up, but I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to go to bed. I lie down on my bed, pulling the covers up over myself.
It’s a bit cold so I bundle up tightly. After awhile I become too hot and I toss the blankets off. Then I become too cold again and bundle up tightly again. After a while I give up. I throw my blankets off and just stare at the ceiling. I can’t get to sleep. Huh, I suppose I can go on another walk.
I exit the castle once again and enter the cool Ponyville night. Luna hasn’t raised the moon yet; it hasn’t been dark for that long. Or she’s just late I suppose. A light breeze blows through the town, surrounding me and the night.
There are still some ponies out, but most are heading home at this point, though it isn’t too late yet. I walk along the main road going away from the castle, passing all the shop fronts and houses on my journey.
It’s rather cold out tonight, I suppose, but not worse than this morning or last night. Even though I am shivering, I love this. It’s quiet somehow, like earlier. After awhile I exit Ponyville.
I’m not sure why. I suppose Ponyville isn’t that large. But I haven’t paid attention to how long I’ve been walking. Perhaps I should go back...No, I want to stay out here just a little longer…
I come across some grassy hills. The grass is blowing in the wind and I touch it. It is cold, but not freezing. Stars twinkle in the sky. I see a figure on top of a hill.
It looks like Rarity. What’s she doing out this far? Is she on another walk like ne?
I approach her. She looks at me as I walk up the hill, and she smiles.
We don’t say anything. We just look out at the rolling grassy fields blow, watching the blades folding in the wind.
“Spike...I wish…” she says.
“Rarity…”
“Spike, stay with me?”
“Of course.”
We stand there for a little longer. The night grows colder and darker. The stars sparkle in the sky as the moon rises. Moonlight bathes us in a white glow, illuminating Rarity's features.
She's not looking at me. A tear forms in her eye as she stares into the distance. She's so beautiful...The moonlight makes her coat shine brightly.
She breathes out as the wind whips past her face. “Do you ever wonder what this is all about?”
I place my hand on my neck, rubbing my scales. “What do you mean?”
Rarity shivers in the cold. “Life, I suppose.”
“Sometimes.” I rub her shoulder.
She turns her head to me, her eyes somber. “Spike.”
The wind whistles by us, cold and engulfing in the night. I look into her eyes.
“Huh," I breathe out, "Rarity, did you ever love me?”
She wraps her hooves around me. Pulling me close. “Of course, Spike.”
“No, that’s not what I mean...” I look away, my eyes downcast.
Her hooves drop. She faces away from me again. “You were too young then.”
“Yeah…” I let out a breath, rubbing my arm. The wind is quiet, blending like a melody in the moonlight.
She lets out a breath. “You are my best friend, Spike. I never wanted to ruin that.”
I hesitate, before saying, “I love you. I always have.” A small smile spreads across her lips as she looks down at me.
“I’m still young, and yet I have so many regrets. I don’t want you to be one of them.” She chuckles; not much, just a little bit. I know she's sad, maybe I shouldn't have asked this now...But I have to know…
Blue eyes pierce my soul and she moves her lips towards mine, meeting halfway. They are cold, and chilling, sending a shiver down my spine. But they are also sweet and lovely. My heart beats in my chest, loud and resounding. We pull away.
She smiles. “Will I see you at Carousel Boutique tomorrow?”
“Yes.” I smile.
“Goodnight then, Spike.” She leaves, waving to me.
I sit down, letting the wind wash over me. It’s late. I need to get back to Twilight, but I want to savor this moment for a little longer. Only a little longer…
Author's Note
Woo hoo I wrote thise one!
Thanks too Desh Lune and Menace Of The Mines for editing.
