Rumors, Lies and Cupcakes

by Wertyla

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 5911

Meet Rainbow Dash, the fastest flying pegasus pony in Equestria! She's speedy, she's cool, she's self-confident. Nothing scares this pony! Well, almost nothing. One day she discovers a dark, violent story called "Cupcakes", and it stars her best friend, Pinkie Pie. Will it change the way Rainbow looks at her friend forever? Is it even true?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-17 21:24:01 UTC

Rumors, Lies and Cupcakes

Rumors, Lies and Cupcakes

Rainbow Dash soared through the sky. The breeze whipped her colorful mane back and forth, and the wind stung at her shiny magenta eyes. The pegasus pony made a daring dive towards the ground, spreading her feathery blue wings as far as they could go. As the earth came closer, Dash halted in mid-air and let her hooves delicately touch the ground.

What a beautiful day, she thought, gazing at the blue sky behind Twilight Sparkle’s library, a large tree located near the center of Ponyville. The occupant, a lavender unicorn with a dark indigo, purple and pink mane, was one of Rainbow’s best friends. I wonder what Twilight’s up to, the pegasus thought.

She glanced at a window and found Twilight sitting in the middle of the wooden floor, gazing at a book, which levitated in front of her. It must be cool to be a unicorn and have telekinetic powers, Rainbow Dash thought, but I’d rather be able to fly any day. The book her friend was reading was black, and had an oddly familiar-looking earth pony on the front, lurking in the shadows. It was a pale pink mare with a stick-straight pink mane, staring ahead at the viewer. Her cruel, icy blue eyes gave Rainbow Dash chills. The large text above the mare’s head read, “Cupcakes”. Rainbow Dash couldn’t bear to look at it anymore, so she knocked on Twilight’s door. She heard a startled, muffled yell come from inside.

“Hey, Twi! Can I come in?”

“Uh, yes! Sure! Come on in!” Twilight’s muffled voice replied nervously. When Dash entered, she observed that Twilight had now pushed the book behind her and was staring at Dash with an unusually large, fake grin. “Hello, Rainbow Dash! You won’t believe how relieved I am to see you ali... here!”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash replied, suspicious. “Why?”

“Um... No reason!” Twilight squeaked. She sure is acting weird, Rainbow thought.

“Sorry if I interrupted your... ah... reading.” She tried to change the subject.

“Oh no! Don’t worry!” Twilight said, forcing a nervous laugh. “I just finished the book, actually.” The unicorn stared down at the floor, avoiding her friend’s confused stare. She glanced behind her at the book, hoping that Rainbow Dash didn’t see it.

“That’s... good.” Dash said. “I guess I’ll be going now... I’ve got an awful lot to do today...”

“Okay then! Ah... Have fun!” Twilight hesitated. “And... if you see Pinkie Pie... uh... just be careful.”

“Okay, Twilight. Can do.” Rainbow Dash gave her friend one last glance as she hurried out the door. Why should I be careful around Pinkie Pie? Sure she’s a little... weird, but she’s perfectly harmless. Maybe I’m supposed to be keeping some secret from her. If that’s the case, nopony has told me about it! Her birthday isn’t coming up, so maybe that isn’t it at all! What if my friends are keeping a secret from ME? I shouldn’t be worried about Pinkie if they are. She’s good at keeping secrets, but Twilight isn’t. If there was a secret that Twilight knew about, every pony in town would know by the next hour. For what flapping reason could Twilight possibly be telling me, Rainbow Dash, Equestria’s best young flier and athlete, to be careful of a simple, perhaps eccentric, party pony? It just doesn’t make sense, kind of like Pinkie Pie.

“Look, it’s Rainbow Dash!” the pegasus heard a pony whisper. She suddenly noticed that she had wandered into the middle of town. She turned to look at a pale yellow earth pony with a poofy orange mane, and a grey pegasus with a blonde mane and crossed eyes. Even though the blazing yellow eyes were looking in different directions, Dash could feel them staring right at her.

“I guess the rumors aren’t true then, Carrot Top,” the pegasus, who Rainbow Dash recognized as Derpy Hooves, spoke.

“Hey, guys!” Dash called to them cheerfully. “What rumors?”

“It’s... nothing,” Carrot Top insisted. “Don’t you go worrying about it, Dash!” She avoided the pony’s gaze and squeezed her lips together, as if she were going to say more but had decided to keep her mouth shut.

“Okay then,” Rainbow Dash replied. “See ya later, guys!” She trotted off. She was aware that both of the ponies she was referring to were mares, but due to her tomboy-ish nature, she was used to calling everyone “guys”. She wandered aimlessly through Ponyville. I was lying when I told Twilight I was busy, she thought. Is everypony staring at me? Surely she couldn’t have told everyone that quickly. Besides, “Rainbow Dash has a lot to do” wasn’t exactly gossip-worthy. No, it must be something else. She came to a stop and stamped her hoof down.

“WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING AT ME?” Dash yelled. She suddenly noticed a few ponies that hadn’t even noticed her turn to look at her. Okay, that was a dumb move. She suddenly noticed Colgate, a blue unicorn with a blue and off-white striped mane and tail, in the slowly forming crowd. Colgate’s mane always reminded Dash of toothpaste.

“Oh.. Hi, Rainbow Dash!” she spoke, wearing a fake grin exactly like Twilight’s. “Sorry if it seems like we’re staring at you. You’re just... um... really cool and we like seeing you in town! Yeah, that’s it!” The smile faltered and the unicorn shrank back, unconvinced that Dash believed her story.

“Well, I am pretty cool,” Dash replied, gazing at the crowd of gawking ponies. She felt uncomfortable. “But you really don’t need to stare. I’m in town a lot!” The tension grew as nopony replied. Some tried to avoid looking at her, some just went on about their business, and some still continued to stare. Rainbow Dash whirled on her back hoof and spread her wings. I’m outta here, she told herself. As she took off into the sky, she thought to herself, something weird is going on here. First Twilight acts all funny and tells me to be careful of Pinkie, then ponies start staring at me and acting all surprised that I came to town. Well, I’ve had enough thinking for one day. They can stare all they want. I need something to do.

Rainbow Dash picked up speed as she rode the blowing wind. As much as she loved flying, her mind was on something else. What can I do today? Maybe I can go to the Canterlot bookstore and see if there are any new Daring Do books out. Okay, that sounds fun!

Canterlot, the elegant capital of Equestria, was just a quick flight from Ponyville for a pegasus as speedy as Rainbow Dash. It was perched high on a mountain, but a powerful magic spell kept it glued securely to the rock. The city looked much different from the humble Ponyville. Large ivory towers filled the city, each a work of art. It was impossible to walk through Canterlot without staring at them. Maybe that was why the ponies that lived there spent so much time walking around with their nose in the air... or maybe they were just snobby. It took a fortune to afford living in any of those towers, and the city was famous for its rich, greedy unicorns.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash noticed that the ponies here weren’t looking at the towers. Just like in Ponyville, they all seemed to be staring at her. Just ignore them, Dash, she thought. It’s their problem, not mine. Do I have something in my teeth? Even if I did, how could they know? I’ve kept my mouth closed. Ugh, forget it. Where is that bookstore?

Fortunately, the bookstore was right in Dash’s path. Well, that’s convenient. I’ll just go in and grab a nice book. As she swung the creaky door open, a bell jingled. A pegasus stallion working at the cash register and several other ponies looked up.

“Hello, miss!” the stallion said cheerfully. “You look kinda familiar. Maybe I’ve seen you somewhere in Canterlot... Looking for a good book? We have a new bestseller this week!”

“Cool,” Dash replied. “Where is it?”

“Right over there on that black stand in the back.”

“If it’s such a great seller, why is it in the back? Won’t more ponies see it and buy it if you put it in the front of the store?” Dash asked.

“Well, it WAS in the front of the store,” the stallion replied, thinking, “but we got a few... complaints from parents... and moved it to the back.”

“I’ll go check it out,” Rainbow said. Aw, I’m a grown up pony. How bad can it be? I can totally handle it.

She trotted through countless rows of shelves to the back of the bookstore, where a large, dark display came into view. The pony immediately saw why parents had complained. Staring menacingly at her was a standee of the pink pony on Twilight’s book cover. “CUPCAKES” was written in large, bloody letters at the pony’s feet and Dash thought she detected more red drops on the pony’s coat and her wide, chilling grin. Suddenly, she realized that the pony looked unnervingly like her friend Pinkie Pie.

Backing away, the frightened pegasus turn her attention to the black stand next to the standee. There were only a few books left on the display. She picked one up and flipped it over. The back was as dark and empty as the sky on a cloudy night. There was no blurb to even hint at what the book was about.

“No problem,” Rainbow Dash told herself, laughing nervously. “I can just buy it and read it to see what it’s about.” She gulped. Did she really want to buy this? Her mind flashed back to her conversation with Twilight Sparkle. The unicorn had obviously read the book and had told her to be careful of Pinkie Pie. Surely there was no truth to this, but something in Rainbow Dash was just dying to find out for sure. Slowly, she walked back to the cash register, glancing behind her every now and then at the scary standee. She had just enough money on her to buy the book. What an eerie coincidence, she thought. It’s as if it’s fate that I read it. No, that’s ridiculous. Don’t be so paranoid! Most of these books cost the same anyway!

“So, you’ve decided to give it a try?” the stallion asked. “I’ve never actually read it, but I’ve seen plenty of advertisements. It looks kinda creepy.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash replied, unsure of herself for once. “I can handle it.” She purchased the book and quickly left.

I can do this, she repeated to herself. I can handle this! It’s just a book, for pony’s sake! Maybe I shouldn’t read it for MY sake... No, no, no! I bought it and I’m not about to let a perfectly good book, and my money for that matter, go to waste. I’ll read it as soon as I get home.

Dash took off into the sky, clutching “Cupcakes” in her arms as she flew back to Ponyville. She avoided the center of town and flew straight to her house, a massive cloud floating right above Ponyville. The beautiful floating house had streams of rainbows flowing out of it, spilling onto the colorful land below, but Rainbow Dash, used to years of seeing it, rushed by. She pushed open her large front door and flew straight to her bedroom. A stack of Daring Do books lay on her nightstand, each one depicting a tan-ish yellow pegasus with a grayscale mane having a wonderful adventure, falling right into a trap, or rescuing a precious artifact from an evil villain. “Cupcakes” just didn’t seem to belong with Rainbow Dash’s modest collection, but she wasn’t about to return it, as much as she wanted to.

“I’ve got to know,” Dash murmured, cracking the book open. “Is that really Pinkie Pie, and is this why everypony is acting weird around me? Cupcakes... by Sgt. Sprinkles...”

--

“I’ll never sleep again!” Rainbow Dash declared to herself a few hours later, shaking. “I had no idea Pinkie Pie... I had no idea she was like that! Baking ponies into cupcakes? Baking ME into cupcakes?! No, no, NO!” She thrust the book onto the floor. It bounced harmlessly to the other end of the room. Dash buried herself under the warm, safe covers of her bed and peeked out. The cover was turned in her direction, Pinkie Pie’s cruel, evil face mocking her. Rainbow Dash was sure that she would never see her former friend the same way again. How could I be so gullible, she asked herself. She was always so nice to me, and she used to bake me treats all the time! Is she just fattening me up so I’ll be ready to be made into her gory, nightmare-inducing cupcakes?

The pony stayed under her covers for at least an hour, too terrified to face a world where Pinkie was an insane murderer who turned innocent little ponies into bloody baked goods. Finally she decided that she had to come out. She felt an overwhelming urge to see Twilight again.

--

Twilight Sparkle trotted about her library cleaning without a care in the world, “Cupcakes” momentarily forgotten. She hummed a tune to herself as she waved a duster and watched Spike organize her comedy section. CRASH! Broken bits of glass and wood flew at her as the speeding bullet plowed through her window. A blue pegasus pony now lay on Twilight’s floor, groaning and rubbing her wings. That was no bullet; that was Rainbow Dash! Uh oh. She must have found the book!

“Rainbow, are you okay?!” the unicorn cried out.

“Ugh, I don’t think so... I just read ‘Cupcakes’.” the pegasus moaned, confirming Twilight’s fears. “How’d something that twisted get to be a bestseller?”

“Well, I have a theory about that,” Twilight answered, diving into another one of her famous lectures. “Every pony in Equestria knows about Pinkie Pie, so naturally a book about her would spark their interest, especially something completely different from what they think they know about her, like...”

“It was a rhetorical question, Twilight.”

“Oh... right.”

“I have to say,” Rainbow Dash started, standing up and stretching, “That was the absolute scariest book I’ve ever read, and I don’t get scared easily!”

“So...” Twilight Sparkle said, leaning towards her friend with wide eyes, like a young filly with a juicy piece of gossip, “Do you think it’s true?”

Rainbow stared at her. She considered her answer. “I don’t really want to find out.”

“Me either,” Twilight replied, her eyes darting around the room as if she were being spied on. “I can’t believe we were friends with her!”

“I know, right? We have to tell everypony to avoid her at all costs!”

“I’m sure they all know already,” Twilight said nervously. “ ‘Cupcakes’ IS a bestseller in Canterlot after all, and I’ve seen plenty of copies here in Ponyville. There have been all sorts of rumors going around about Pinkie and now they’re blaming Sea Swirl’s disappearance on her!”

“Sea Swirl?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You mean that unicorn mare with the dolphin cutie mark?”

“That’s the one!” Twilight replied. “She hasn’t been seen anywhere for about six days!”

“Oh no! Pinkie’s latest victim!” Rainbow cried. “How do we stop her?”

“Stop her? Do you even know who you’re talking about?! She’s Pinkie Pie. She can’t be stopped! She has weird powers!”

A horrible thought hit Rainbow Dash. “Do you think she knows about the book?!”

“I don’t know!” Twilight exclaimed, terrified. “What I DO know is that nopony has been able to contact the author of it... Do you think she got him?!”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Rainbow announced, trotting towards the door. “It sure is scary, but we can’t hide in here forever. Let’s take a walk.”

“Are you sure it’s safe?”

“Yeah. It’s not like she’s just going to grab us off the street with everypony watching, right? Let’s just avoid Sugarcube Corner.”

“Fine,” Twilight replied, giving in. “I’m going to miss going there, though. The Cake family makes the most delectable baked goods and the baby twins are just so cute!”

“You sound like Applejack,” Rainbow Dash laughed for the first time since reading her book. “She’s always thinking of food!”

--

The two mares trotted aimlessly through Ponyville, trying to ignore their sweaty coats, heavy breathing and pounding hearts. No big deal, Rainbow Dash told herself. It’s just a walk through town. Even if we do see Pinkie, we don’t have to hang out with her, right? Right?

“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight interrupted her friend’s thoughts, “do you think those ponies are staring at us? They’re staring at us!”

“Maybe they wouldn’t be if SOMEPONY wasn’t looking behind her back every other second!” Dash snapped back.

“Hey, you are, too!”

“No way, Twi. I’m playing it calm and cool.”

“Then why are your legs wobbling so much?”

Rainbow looked down. What do you know? Twilight’s right. This isn’t working.

“This is stupid!” she complained. “We can’t just stop living normally like we always do! We’re gonna run into Pinkie sometime!”

“Did somepony say my name?” a familiar cheerful voice called. A happy pink pony with a poofy mane pranced up to Rainbow Dash. She gave a child-like giggle. “You silly fillies! Why are you sneaking around town where everypony can see you?”

Rainbow and Twilight froze in place. The thought was mutual. Oh Celestia, it’s Pinkie Pie.

“Oh... P-Pinkie! W-we uh...” Twilight stammered.

“Do you two know why everypony around here has been acting so strange lately?” Pinkie asked innocently. Her sparkly, blue eyes seemed to stare directly into her friends’ souls. “Seriously, they’ve all been looking at me like I was a purple hippopotamus with blue stripey hair and seven legs!”

“We have no clue, PINKIE PIE!” Rainbow lied, putting extra emphasis on her friend’s name to warn anypony nearby. Pinkie didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh darn! I was hoping you knew!” she pouted, but quickly perked up. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you two a favor, if you’re not too busy.”

“Really? Uh, sure! Anything you want!” Twilight chirped. Rainbow grabbed Twilight and pulled her up to her face.

“Are you CRAZY?” Rainbow Dash hissed, praying that Pinkie was out of earshot.

“I’M not,” Twilight insisted. “When an insane, violent murderer asks you for a favor, you do NOT say no.” Rainbow took the hint.

“We’d be happy to help you out, Pinkie!” she exclaimed, turning back to the earth pony. “What’cha need?”

“Well, I was really hoping you’d help me in the kitchen today!” Pinkie Pie replied, oblivious to the looks the two other ponies were giving her. “I’m making cupcakes!” She giggled.

Rainbow gulped. I’m not ready to die yet, she thought, but I have no way out. Time to pony up and face my fate.

“Sure.”

“Yippee!” Pinkie squealed, bouncing around like an overjoyed five-year-old. “Let’s go! I have everything set up at Sugarcube Corner!” Rainbow Dash and Twilight reluctantly followed her. Dash glanced back. A few ponies were watching her. Lemon Hearts, a bright yellow unicorn with a mane and tail as blue as the ponies’ mood, blinked back tears. I wonder if ponies will come to my funeral, Dash thought. Will I have a funeral?

--

“I love making cupcakes! It fills my heart with joy!” Pinkie Pie sang, bouncing into the kitchen. “Almost as much as playing with my toys! Uh... I mean, the Cakes’ toys!”

“Wait,” Twilight interrupted, “Where are the Cakes?” If the instruments she uses belong to the Cake family, they’re probably in on it, she realized in disbelief.

“Oh, they’re at the zoo!” Pinkie replied. “Pound and Pumpkin love seeing all the animals, and Pumpkin always wants more souvenirs to play with!” She smiled fondly at her memories of the baby twins. Pumpkin Cake loved to chew on her toys, so the parents often went out to buy her new ones. It was a pretty clever way to get things, Pinkie thought. The Cakes always told her it was better and cheaper to just buy new toys than to have Pumpkin start chewing up the furniture, but Pinkie wasn’t so sure, as the amount of money spent on toys was starting to add up. At least it gave Pinkie and the babies plenty of toys. Although she was an adult, Pinkie Pie loved playing with the twins’ old toys, even by herself. She giggled every time Pumpkin’s rubber chicken would squeak and often stacked Pound’s letter blocks in random patterns to make crazy new words.

“So,” Rainbow Dash said, bringing the pony’s mind back to the kitchen, “We’re all alone here? I mean, just you and me and Twilight?”

“Like Big Mac always says, ‘eeyup’! Now let’s get baking!” Pinkie Pie opened a drawer and fished around for the tools she wanted. Metal clanged against metal as the mysterious instruments rattled around.

“What do you think she has in there?” Dash whispered to Twilight. “Bloody knives? A chainsaw?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight whispered back, eyeing the door, their only escape. “Isn’t she supposed to give you a knockout cupcake first?”

“Aha!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed suddenly. “Here it is!” She held up a shiny metal... spoon?

“A spoon?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Just a spoon?”

“Well, the recipe calls for ‘a teaspoon of vanilla’, but of course that’s not all!”

Pinkie slammed the drawer shut and galloped over to a nearby cabinet. She opened it up and pulled out a tin measuring cup, a cupcake pan and a baking tray. Her friends stared in confusion as she set the objects on a large table.

“Now for the ingredients!” Pinkie Pie announced. She grinned at Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

“P-Pinkie!” Dash stuttered. She didn’t care anymore if she was doomed. She wanted out. NOW. “I just remembered! I... have an appointment... with Fluttershy... to, uh... do the thing... at the place!”

“Oh,” Pinkie frowned, disappointed at the turn of events. “Looks like it’ll be just Twilight helping me this time, then. Well, have fun and come back if you can!”

Twilight gave Dash one last pleading look, a silent call for help. You wouldn’t just leave me here to die, would you? Dash sighed. She was the Element of Loyalty. She couldn’t just abandon one of her friends, especially to suffer a fate such as this. If Twilight Sparkle was going down, Rainbow Dash was going down with her.

“Never mind, Pinkie Pie. You know, I think the appointment was for tomorrow.”

What a brave pony, Twilight thought. It’s a shame the Elements of Harmony will have to end like this, killed off slowly, one by one, by the former Element of Laughter.

“GREAT!” Pinkie shrieked, scaring Twilight back to earth. “I’ve got the flour, the sugar, vanilla, some candy... What else do we need? Oh, a pinch of salt!”

“Don’t you use... anything else?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Hmm,” Pinkie considered the question. A wide grin broke out on her face and she turned to stare at her friends. “Well, my cupcakes taste best when you know a lot of love was put into them, so I only ask ponies with big hearts to help me! That includes you two, so come on over and help!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Twilight and Dash screamed. It was time for them to die. The two ponies clutched each other tightly.

“Rainbow Dash, I’m sorry for saying you had an ego the size of Equestria!” Twilight sobbed into her friend’s armpit.

“I’m sorry I ever called you an egghead!” Dash blubbered in reply. “You’re really smart and that’s a good thing!”

“I’m sorry I bought the tickets for Octavia’s concert instead of the ones for that Wonderbolts show you really wanted to see!”

“Twilight, you know that book on quantum physics I borrowed yesterday? The one you were so impressed I even considered?”

“Y-Yes?”

“I wasn’t actually planning to read it. It looked like the perfect paperweight.”

Twilight stopped crying. “What?”

“Um, guys?” Pinkie Pie started.

“NO PINKIE, NO!!!” Dash screamed. “You can cook me into your sick, gory cupcakes if you want, but spare Twilight!!! PLEASE!!!”

The room went silent. Pinkie Pie stood in shock and it occurred to Dash that she probably shouldn’t have said that. Pfffft... Rainbow Dash went rigid. What was THAT? Suddenly she noticed that Pinkie’s mane was slowly deflating, becoming as straight as the mane on the cover of “Cupcakes”, but instead of wearing the insane grin that “Cupcakes” Pinkie had, Pinkie Pie frowned. She began to sniffle. Her eyes watered.

“I can’t believe you think I would do that! I... I thought you guys liked me!” Pinkie’s voice shook. Letting out a horrible wail, the heartbroken pink pony ran up the stairs to her room.

“I think we made a huge mistake,” Twilight moaned.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“So... ‘Cupcakes’ isn’t true.”

“I think you’re right.”

“We need to go comfort Pinkie.”

“Eeyup.”

--

Twilight knocked on a door when she and Rainbow were upstairs.

“Pinkie? Are you in there? Hello?”

Pinkie wailed.

“She’s in there.”

“Pinkie, I’m sorry!” Rainbow Dash tried. “You have to let us in!”

“No way!” Pinkie grumped. “Why don’t you go tell everypony you went to Pinkie Pie’s house to make cupcakes and survived to tell the tale?” She broke into another crying fit.

“Pinkie Pie, have you read ‘Cupcakes’?” Twilight asked.

“No! Of course not!” Pinkie screamed. “You know I hate mean, nasty old books like that! At least, I thought you knew! ...I thought you knew a lot about me you don’t seem to know!”

“Pinkie, how could you have heard of the book and still find nothing wrong with asking us in public to help you make cupcakes?”

“I... I thought everypony, especially you, trusted me!” Pinkie snapped.

“Ouch,” Rainbow Dash commented. “You know, as much as it hurts to say, she has a point. We didn’t even give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“You’re right, Rainbow, and we should have,” Twilight replied. “We’re so sorry, Pinkie! Can you ever forgive us? Please come out!”

“NO!”

Rainbow turned to Twilight. “How do we fix this?” Twilight glanced behind her at the stairway, remembering that all of the materials to make cupcakes were still out.

“I think there’s a way.”

--

An hour later, the two ponies were busy and the kitchen was as noisy as when Pinkie was there. Rainbow Dash and Twilight had their colorful manes tied back with rubber bands and hairnets.

“Rainbow, where’s the pink frosting?” Twilight yelled.

“I don’t know,” Rainbow replied, beating the cupcake batter clumsily with a spoon. She stuck her hoof in and sampled it. “Mmm... I fought ooh had ish...”

“Rainbow Dash, you’ll get the batter dirty if you keep sticking your hoof in it like that!”

Rainbow swallowed. “Sorry. It’s so good!”

“It needs more sugar. Where’s the sugar?”

“Twilight, I think it’s pretty sweet already. Besides, aren’t you the one who’s always super organized? Why are you asking me?”

“I’m organized,” Twilight retorted, “but Pinkie isn’t! It’s a nightmare in here!”

“This is taking forever!” the impatient pegasus complained. “I’ve been mixing this thing for, like, ever!” Her eyes darted around the room for the quickest solution. Finally, she spotted a blender. “Hmm... What’s the difference between mixing it and blending it?”

Twilight levitated the cupcake pan. She had mixed the first batch of batter and was ready to bake it. She lifted her hoof to the oven’s handle. WHIRR! SHHHHHPLOPPPP! CLANG! Suddenly, a wave of fresh cupcake batter descended upon her. Her pan clattered to the floor.

“RAINBOW! WHAT THE HOOF ARE YOU DOING?!”

Rainbow Dash grinned sheepishly. Cupcake batter was strewn all over the room. The blender was now a mess of cracked plastic and dented metal parts on the kitchen counter. Twilight looked ready to kill her.

“I was... I put the batter in the blender to speed things up and...”

“You WHAT?!”

“... and I don’t think I put the lid on tight enough, and this happened.”

“Oh GREAT! Just great!!” Twilight yelled. “Now we have to buy Pinkie a new blender, clean up the mess YOU made and MAKE THESE FLAPPING CUPCAKES!!”

--

Twilight Sparkle ran through town, following her pegasus friend’s lead. Rainbow Dash knew where the nearest Pony Depot was, and Twilight agreed to come with her to find the perfect blender for Pinkie Pie.

“Now Rainbow, the Cakes’ blender was a Hay Grinder XY28Z20. Can you remember that so we can find an identical one?”

“No.”

Twilight facehoofed. “Okay then. I will.”

“Look, they survived!” the inevitable shout came. Rainbow Dash didn’t look back to see who said it. Twilight broke into a full speed gallop.

“OOF!” she slammed into something large in front of her. The something groaned.

“Twilight! Ah heard about what happened and ah thought you two were gonners fer sure!” Applejack told her. She stood up.

“Not now! We have to go find a blender! See ya later!” Twilight yelled, shoving the orange cowpony aside and chasing after Rainbow.

Applejack watched them rush off. “Wait.. What?”

Soon, a large, cream colored building came into view. Bright orange letters spelled out “THE PONY DEPOT”. The ponies barged their way in, eager to find what they were looking for, buy it and get out. Frightened customers scattered as Twilight ran through. She screeched to a stop in front of the nearest store employee.

“C-Can I h-help you?” the teenaged earth pony colt stammered, terrified.

“Do you know where the blenders are?” Twilight snapped. The colt started to sweat. He had just started working in the store yesterday, but he was sure that he wouldn’t survive telling the angry purple unicorn that he had no idea where anything was.

“I found one!” Rainbow Dash called out. “It’s a Hay Grinder XY28Z20!”

“Perfect!” Twilight exclaimed, her mood taking a sudden switch to cheerful. “Thank you anyway, sir.” The colt sighed in relief. Twilight grabbed a pack of wet wipes on her way out and made her purchase.

--

Pinkie Pie sat, sulking, in her small, lonely bedroom at Sugarcube Corner. After Twilight and Rainbow Dash had stopped knocking on her door, Pinkie had heard lots of weird clangs, thumps and yelling. Now, strangely, the whole house was silent. There hadn’t been a peep out of Pinkie’s friends for over two hours.

“I might as well go inspect the damage.” she sighed.

The first thing the pink pony noticed as she trotted down the stairs was the gooey batter. Entering the kitchen, she happened to look up. How did they get cupcake batter on the ceiling? It’s all over the place! She noticed the blender.

“The Cakes are going to kill me!” Pinkie shrieked. Wait. That was bad wording. “They’ll fire me for sure!”

Pinkie Pie heard hoofbeats at the front door. Oh no! The Cakes must be home! The door slammed open. Twilight Sparkle trotted in with a large box strapped to her back while Rainbow Dash was carrying a blender and a small pack of wet wipes. Whew, it isn’t the Cakes, Pinkie thought. It’s... my FORMER friends!

Rainbow saw Pinkie Pie. “Oh, ponyfeathers. Pinkie, we can explain! I swear!”

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS KITCHEN?!”

Twilight covered her ears to avoid going deaf. “We were really sorry for what happened earlier and we thought we could make it up to you by baking cupcakes for you, but it all went wrong! We’re so so sorry!”

“We... Okay, I kinda sorta broke your blender,” Rainbow added, “So we went out to buy you a new one and clean up the mess so you wouldn’t get in trouble with the Cakes and we decided that since we’re kinda sorta incompetent with making cupcakes we’d just buy you some.”

Twilight pointed to the box on her box. “We ordered them to spell out ‘We’re sorry, Pinkie Pie’, too.”

For the second time that day, Pinkie stood in shock, staring at the two ponies. They sounded sincere, and they had obviously gone to a lot of trouble just to make her feel better. That’s the kind of thing true friends did. POP! Rainbow Dash jumped as Pinkie Pie’s mane exploded and inflated itself again, nearly dropping the brand new, and rather expensive, blender. Pinkie Pie grinned.

“Thank you! THANK YOU! You did all this just for me? You guys are the besty best best bestest friends ever!!”

“You are very welcome, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight responded politely, “But don’t thank us just yet. This place is still a mess and the Cakes could come back at any minute!”

“I have the wet wipes!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, setting the new blender safely down on the counter. “Let’s get cleaning!”

--

As the three friends spent the afternoon scrubbing Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie had set up calm, friendly music to play on her record player. Along with their talking and laughing, the work seemed to go surprisingly quickly. By the time Mr. and Mrs. Cake arrived home with the twins, the kitchen was spotless.

“Wow, girls,” Mrs. Cake commented. “You girls did an excellent job with this place! It was very nice of you, but what could possibly have motivated you to do it?” She gave Rainbow Dash a suspicious look. The pegasus was normally so lazy!

“It’s a long story,” Rainbow answered simply. Pumpkin Cake, resting safely on her mother’s back, bit into her new panda bear chew toy. Squeak!

“Oh by the way,” Mr. Cake said. “I hope you’re not too tired to do some baking, Pinkie Pie! We just got an order outside the shop from Sea Swirl for a dozen frosted cookies.”

“Sea Swirl?” Twilight said. “I thought she was missing!”

Mr. Cake laughed. “Missing? Where did you ever get that idea? She was out of town visiting some relatives in Manehatten. She said she really needed some sweets to get the taste of that fancy Manehattan food out of her mouth!”

“Well, that mystery is solved,” said Rainbow Dash as the Cakes went upstairs to put the babies in their playpen. “But... how come no one can contact the author of ‘Cupcakes’?”

“It’s kind of complicated,” Pinkie replied. “Have you ever heard of humans?”

“No. Why?”

“No reason.” Pinkie lied.

“Anyway,” Twilight spoke up, changing the subject, “I think we learned a pretty important lesson today. I know! Let’s write a letter to the princess!”

“I’ll get the paper!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. She zipped out of the room and returned seconds later with a blank scroll and a quill. Twilight dictated the letter to her.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

Today we learned that you shouldn’t believe everything you read. It’s important to know the difference between fact and fiction, because a lot of things you read in stories simply aren’t true. Also, if someone is spreading rumors about you, hold your head high and just keep being yourself. Soon it will be clear to others that the rumor is false.

Your faithful student and loyal subjects,

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie”

“Can I add something in there?” Rainbow Dash asked, much to Twilight’s confusion.

“Um... Sure.”

“P.S.,” Rainbow Dash dictated, “Pinkie Pie is NOT an evil, insane, chainsaw-wielding murderer.”

Pinkie Pie paused, gave Rainbow an odd look, and wrote it down. The three friends burst out laughing.

The End