I'm Cool, Not Cute

You brush strands of red bangs out of your eyes and look down at Anon walking through town from your cloud perch. Twilight had apparently sent Anon out to get a few things, and you’d just so happened to catch sight of him earlier. You had decided he needed to be monitored for... safety reasons. Didn’t want any mare taking advantage, Celestia forbid. And no, this is NOT stalking. This… is spying. Spying is cool

Anyhow, the colt sure did seem like he could use a mare’s guidance; He looked completely lost at the marketplace. What Stallion didn’t know how to flirt, chat, and haggle? He just accepted whatever price they tried to smack him with. Poor guy… Some of the other mares picked up on this and took pity thankfully, offering him a wink and a lower price. You roll your eyes. Colt-mode is easy-mode, but that wasn’t Anons fault. Next time you’ll go with him and stop those stupid mares from eyeing him up so much.

You zip over to the next cloud, a colored streak following in your wake as you keep your eyes trained on the creature walking through town. A smirk forms on your face. You were only a few feet above him, but with your excellent sneaky skills, he still hadn’t noticed a thi—

“Dash, what are you doing?”

You blink and see the human looking up at you, an eyebrow quirked. Quick, think of something! You give him your best poker face.

“N-Nothing!”

…

…

Nine out of ten.

He just shakes his head. “If you want to talk to me, just come down. I won’t bite.”

He won’t bite? Do… Do humans bite? You start to feel a knot in your stomach. Twilight had said one time that humans were a predator species. Celestia, was he like something from the Everfree? Wait, no. You shake your head and scowl. C’mon, filly, you were Rainbow Dash! He may be a human but he’s still a colt. You glare down at him. He chuckles and you hear him say the word ‘cute’ under his breath

Your eyes shot wide. C-Cute!? You zoom down to the ground. “L-listen, buster. I’m cool, not cu—”

He gives you a smile as he boops your nose, and you can’t stop from letting out a squeak. Anon grins before turning and motioning you to follow. D-Damn—stupid— human—colt— thing. You felt heat rushing to your cheeks. Thank Celestia he wasn’t looking at you. Damn guy had a weird way of messing with your head. It was something you found interesting about him yet it bothered you to no end.

“So, Dash, you have the day off?”

You blink, his voice breaking you from your thoughts. “Oh, uh, yeah. Weather duty and all that. There’s only a few seasons we have to really hit the skies hard. Um… So… Twilight has you doing errands? You don’t usually—uh.” You articulated with a hoof. Trying to find the words.

He stops and turns to you, making you freeze. S-Shoot, is your face okay? You’re not flushed still, right?

“I live in the Castle, Dash. Helping out this much is the least I should do honestly. I just don’t like how… concerned she can be,” he said with a faint smile.

He bends down and puts one of his hands on your head, giving you a soft scratch between your ears. Sweet Sun… You could feel your eyes lower as a feeling of utter bliss channeled it’s way through you. Dammit you hated when he did this! More importantly, HOW did he do this?! You open your mouth to tell him to knock it off but all that comes out is a breathy moan. Your leg twitches as you slowly sink to your haunches, the feeling melting away every thought.

Then, it stops.

Your eyes flutter open to see that human’s stupid, foalish face beaming as he stood over you. “You ponies sure are cute…”

He… He just… F-Fuck this colt! He did that right in the middle of the street like it was nothing! Worst part was that it totally worked. You look around to see a few mares giggling and giving you looks. Your face suddenly felt like it was on fire and you snapped your gaze to the pavement. He had to know he was teasing you. There was absolutely no way the colt didn’t know what he was doing, right? Jeez… he made you feel like such a beta sometimes.

Anon gave you a look. “Dash, you okay there? You look kinda overheated. Do you want to take a rest in the shade? I have some water you can drink.”

Aw… heh, how nice. He was worried and wanted to take care of y—DAMMIT DON’T FALL FOR THE RUSE!

“Nah, I’m fine,” you say as you close your eyes and push your chest out, crimson face and all. T-Take that. He shrugs and looks off toward the castle, his brow furrowing at the sun lowering past the treeline.

“Heading back already?” you ask.

He nods. “Yeah, Twilight’s probably wondering where I am. She likes to calculate exact timings and all that to keep track of me, and she probably didn’t factor in our little meetup. You know how she gets.”

“Well she doesn’t want you out alone when it gets dark, ya know. She’s just looking out for you.”

He quirks a brow at you. “I can handle myself. I don’t get why she tries to baby me so much. I’m bigger and stronger than most ponies.”

Normally you’d just nod along and humor a stallion talking like that, but with Anon, that made you wonder. He did look pretty strong… could he actually overpower you? Nah, he was a Janefilly but Anon was still a colt, no matter how big he was. Probably throws like a boy and cries the moment he gets hurt. Sports definitely separated the fillies from the mares. If he actually tried to tussle with the mares, he’d be the one looking like a beta.

You blink and a smile works its way onto your face. Of course! He was always able to make you feel like a little beta because he was always in his element! But if you could get him in yours, you’d show him just how marely you were in the best way possible. By beating him at diamond ball! You could even make a punishment game wager. Ooh, that’d be fun. What if he agreed to be your servant for the day? W-What if you made him wear a cute butler uniform. You bite your lip. L-Lewd.

“Hey uh, Anon, if you want to hang out, there’s a community diamond ball game at ponyville park. You up for it? I’ll tell the girls to go easy of course—just a casual fun game.”

You put on your winningest, alphamare smile. Colts always fell for that look. Take the bait filly, Dashie wants to see YOU made the colt for once.

He purses his lips. “Yeah sure. I’ve been looking for something interesting to do lately. Twilight might make a fuss though.”

“Just tell her you’re helping Applejack or something. You’ll be fiiiiine.”

He shrugs. “I’d rather not lie but knowing how… protective she is, I think that’s the best option.”

Oh, this was going to be so fun. You could feel yourself practically bouncing now. Keep your cool, filly; Never act too eager.

“Anon, what say we make this thing interesting?”

He quirked a brow. ”... interesting how?”

“Well, if you’re not chicken that is, how about we say the loser has to wait hand and foot on the winner, for the rest of the day?”

Anon paused and gave you a strange look. ”I thought you said you wanted a casual game?”

“Well yeah, but I mean it’s so much more fun when there’s a reason to win.” And when you get to tell Anon to bring you cider in a skimpy outfit… That’d take him down a notch.

”Whatever you say, Dash,” he said. “Alright, the loser does some favors. Let’s just not get crazy with it.”

Oh… you won’t get too crazy. This time. The real lewd stuff was for the NEXT time he lost.

“I’ll see you at the Hay Tumble field at 9 then,” you say as casually as you can, then zoom off before your excitement can get the better of you. This was gonna be good.

Be the fastest, coolest, mareliest flier in Equestria. The one and only Rainbow Dash. And today was the day you got to make a colt cry!

...

You know what, it sounded better yesterday, but screw it. Anon would do whatever you wanted later, and that made it worth it in the end. He deserved it anyways with how much he was always messing with you. You blew the colored bangs from your eyes and pouted. Stupid Anon… always making you feel like a little foal, saying you were… cute. That funny feeling started up in your stomach and you grumbled. This time you’d be the one making HIM look cute. A skimpy butler uniform should do nicely to put the image in his mind. Maybe with socks… and a loose fitting shirt with a plunging neckline. The wings on your back twitched. Ooh… that sounded amazing.

”Dash, done warming up yet? Er… hey, is that a wingbo—”

“NO!” you said, whirling around and coming face to face with Home Run.

She blinked, stopping only for a moment in chewing her bubble gum before shifting the wooden bat on her shoulder.

”Okay…” Home Run said, giving you a blank look. “Well the girls are ready to get started. Oh, and the human came by dressed in some sort of uniform. Said he was playing and you’d explain everything.”

“Right, I’ll be right over. Just give me a minute—I gotta, stretch and stuff,” you said clearing your throat.

There was a pregnant pause before Home Run spoke up again. ”I always found thinking about something else helps.”

You flinched and scrunched your muzzle. Stupid Anon...

You weren’t sure how the girls would react to including Anon in your regular games. Matches on the green could get pretty rough and tumble. Fights never broke out or anything, but slide tackles, rough elbowing, and ponies getting beaned by the hoofball happened often enough.

They all seemed pretty happy to rein themselves in for Anon’s sake though. Everypony smiled and gave him advice on how to hold the smackstick. Dust Devil and Hay Stack even jumped at teaching the rules, each of the other mares chiming in here and there, trying to help Anon learn. He remarked a few times that the rules sounded a lot like something called based-ball back in his world oddly enough. Oh colt, this ain’t no sissy stallions game, whatever based-ball was. He’d learn.

Eventually you got tired of everypony surrounding Anon, giving him advice and explaining more and more stuff, and just broke it up and got two captains picked. You stood in line like usual, chest puffed out, ready to be snapped up within the first few picks. But of all things, Cornstalk picked Anon first.

You balked. What the hay…? There’s no way he was good, let alone a first pick. What was this filly trying to pull? You quirked an eyebrow and looked around you. Nopony but you seemed to find this odd. Instead, they all cheered him on as he walked over.

”Good luck Anon!”

”Do your best, colt.”

”Go easy on us, ya hear?”

”If you need any pointers, don’t be a stranger.”

You narrowed your eyes as the mares continued to encourage him and Cornstalk gave him a hoofbump. Each mare seemed to be enthralled with him, watching him with intense interest even when the next captain went to pick a player. You furrowed your brow. Something’s not right here… why would they be so interested to see a colt pla—Suddenly, the realization dawned on you. A COLT play. Oh no… Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh filly no no no—

Home Run bunted Anon’s straight pitch then took off at a light trot down the line to first base. Anon scrambled up, grabbed the ball then whipped it over to first.

“OUT. That’s the game,” the umpire yelled.

Home Run gave a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of her neck. ”Ya got me, big guy. Good job.”

FUCK. You stared up at the scoreboard a horrible feeling settling in your stomach. 32 to 5. Anon wasn’t bad as it turns out. He took to the pitcher’s mound despite the girl’s warning that it was a hard position and he could get hit with the ball. Anon being Anon of course he HAD to show them he could do it, and for somepony with no magic, he did a pretty good job, you had to admit. For a colt, that is.

But he still wasn’t better than the two other pitchers on their team, Whiplash and Hail Mary, who pretty much sat useless in the outfield the whole time. No, with the teams as they were, this should have been easy… There was just one apple-bucking problem.

“You guys went easy on him!” you said, whirling on your teammates.

The girls gave you a look. ”Well… yeah,” Home Run said as she walked to your team’s bench. “Did you expect us to play seriously against a stallion? Come on Dash, I know you like to win but have some integrity. Look how happy he is.”

Anon was standing in his stupid little based ball uniform that admittedly looked cute as tartarus on him, and he gave you a smile and a wave. “Good game, Dash. That was fun.”

You whipped back to your teammates. “But, but, but… you don’t understand! He was supposed to cry!”

Home Run furrowed her brow. ”... are you for real?”

“Yes! I mean no! I mean… ughhhh, it’s more complicated than that.”

Dust Devil gave you a bemused look and popped her bubblegum. ”...k”

“You know what, I don’t need that kind of negativity. I’m gonna go—”

You let out a mewl as Anon scooped you into his arms from behind. He snuggled his big dumb face into your mane as you squirmed in his grip.

“Heya, Dashy. You did good out there, but my team won, and you know what that means.”

A blush formed on your cheeks as he carried you away like a yearling, the whole hoofball squad looking on with wide eyes.

“Anon, n-no. Put me down already. Everyone’s looking.”

”Nope. I won. It’s snuggle time until I get you in your outfit for the day.”

A cold sweat broke out on your forehead. ”Outfit…?”